Mazes
by seemssosillytomenow
Summary: Tegan Rain takes up a job offer and gets to know snotty Sara Clement.
1. 1 A Fcking Mansion

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

A F*cking Mansion

"Holy sh*t."

The words soared from the petite brunette's parched throat in an awed, panted whisper as the tires

of her cherry red bike squeaked to a halt, crunching leaves beneath the black rubber. Her bag, full of

every belonging she could possibly need over the next month, smacked against her back with a

heavy thump at her sudden stop and the momentum threw her upper body over the handlebars as

she gawked at the building before her.

At the horizon of a winding, cobblestone pathway was the biggest house she had seen in her entire

twenty one years of life. Decorated in old, looming trees, the gray stone mansion looked anything

but inviting. It appeared cold despite the summer wind, standing tall beneath the clear blue sky and

closed off to the rest of the neighborhood by an intimidatingly sharp gate. She appeared to be a tiny

speck amongst vast acres of freshly mown grass dancing in the wind as she dropped her feet onto

the gravel, fishing inside her pocket until she found a crinkled ball of paper and slipped it out quickly.

She glanced over the address she had hastily scrawled down a week ago, after speaking to a

boisterously booming man over the phone about a potential job, and double checked that she had

the right house.

Seeing that she was indeed at the right place, she hopped off her bike and slowly walked it down the

pathway, its greasy and old chains creaking. She tipped her head back under the warm rays of the

yellow sun, eyeing the closed off windows and tall wooden door as sweat trickled between her

shoulder blades and stuck her top to her skin. It had been a long bike ride from her tiny apartment

to this house, and at first sight, she instantly wanted to turn right back around and leave.

She had never been in such a glamorous area and she was immediately intimidated. But there was a

grand opportunity behind those doors and she was not going to let it breeze by.

She shoved the kickstand of her bike down with one flourish with the tip of her shoe, watching the

metal sink into the soft soil and lush green grass as she breathed in the scent of growing flowers. She

gripped the straps of her backpack nervously with sweaty palms as her shoes shuffled over to the

doorway.

Biting her lip, she took in a shuddering breath and hesitantly lifted her fist to knock on the door.

There was a brief period of waiting, to which she spent admiring the fine oak wood until the door

opened and she found herself staring back into the kind, wrinkled face of an elderly man wearing

something almost like a tuxedo.

"How may I help you, miss?" he asked, his voice low and sweet.

She blinked rapidly as she realized – holy shit – he was a fucking butler. "Um," she cleared her throat,

unsure of how to respond to such a person. "Uh… my name's Tegan Rain? I- I spoke to a Mr. Clement

on the phone about taking the spot of a cook while his, um… original chef was… er… otherwise…

occupied?"

Her attempt at fitting in with the heavy, intelligent atmosphere fell short and her cheeks heated as

he cocked his head with a small smile. "Come on in, Miss Rain," he stepped aside and allowed her to

amble inside.

Wiping her shoes on the ground, she motioned to her bike, "I left that there. I hope that's okay."

"Of course, dear. I will take care of that." he smiled.

Horrified at the idea of making such a frail looking man do her bidding, she shook her head. "Oh, shi-

I mean, no. That's okay. I'll do it. Just tell me where to go and I'll-"

"It's not a bother, Miss Rain." He waved her off with a small chuckle. "Just wait right here and I'll go

retrieve the lady of the house to speak with you."

"Oh, um… thank you." she muttered, shuffling her feet against the floor and cringing when her shoes

squeaked across the clean marble.

With one last smile her way, he disappeared down the spacious hallway.

She glanced around the entryway and wrinkled her nose at the empty ground of straight stairs and

one lone rug. The walls were white and bland, reminding Tegan of a mental institution. There was no

sign of life, nothing homey; no pictures indicating a loving family lived together. This place was

definitely not what she was used to. She could just imagine the look of sympathy on her mother's

face if she saw just where she was going to be spending the next month of her life; as a social worker,

her mum would have a field day in this stagnant, seemingly unhappy home.

She nibbled on the small ball of her labret piercing as she held the straps of her backpack, discomfort

squirming in the pit of her stomach. Growing up in a small town off the outskirts of this large city and

never living in a home that exceeded two rooms, Tegan knew she didn't belong in a house like this.

She was already sticking out like a sore thumb with her all black attire in the bright room. And

though she rather enjoyed having the spotlight most of the time, this was not one of those times.

Everything in her body begged to duck in the shadows unseen.

The sound of light footsteps broke her thoughts, and on instinct she lifted her head to the stairs to

watch curiously as a woman appeared at the top of the steps. The first thing Tegan noticed was that

the woman was young, far too young to be the 'lady of the house' that the nice old man had

referred to. In fact, she looked to be around Tegan's age, maybe even a year or so younger.

The second thing Tegan noticed was how unbelievably attractive she was.

Gray blazer stiff and ironed to perfection, she stood in polished shoes one size too large and tailored

trousers held up by a thin, tasteful belt. Her crisp white shirt was tucked into the waist of her pants,

the cream colored buttons done up to the gentle arch of her neck. Her chocolate locks were neatly

combed, not a short hair out of place as her fringe curled across her forehead in one swoop. Her

cheek bones were out of this world high, her eyes surrounded by thick lashes, her sharp jaw unreal.

But her thin eyebrows were poised arrogantly as the corner of her full red lips curled into a subtle

smirk.

Hot or not, Tegan immediately disliked the attitude emanating from this stranger.

"Ah," Dark eyes scanned over Tegan's body, taking in the neatly cut sleeves of her loose t-shirt and

colorful ink decorating her lightly toned arms. Tegan felt herself stiffen under the woman's stare;

there was something unnerving about the way her eyes took in her ripped jeans and beloved Doc

Martins. Her stare was full of judgments and assumptions; Tegan could read it in the small twitch of

her face. The woman's dainty hand trailed across the dark wood of the banister as she descended

the final step, the short heel of her dress shoes meeting the marble quietly. "You must be the help

mother was speaking about."

Even the woman's voice was soft and careful. Every move she made was cautious and calculated, as

if she were creeping past a sleeping giant ready to attack if awoken from their slumber. And though

she had only heard ten short words drawl up that elegant neck, Tegan could already feel dislike

stirring beneath her skin for that gently pitched voice.

"The help?" she parroted, a small scowl pulling at her brow as all thoughts about the attractive level

of this woman disappeared from her mind.

The other woman plucked one eyebrow, "Are you not the new cook? I can't imagine why someone

like you would be standing in my home otherwise."

"Yes," Tegan's raspy voice curled into a growl as she reigned in the annoyance she already felt for

the woman standing before her, "I am the cook."

"Touchy touchy." That smirk reemerged, patronizing and setting Tegan's sharp tongue on fire with

snappish retorts she could not spit her way. "What's your name then, cook?"

"Tegan." she snarled through clenched teeth. "Tegan Rain."

"Bond. James Bond." The other woman quipped, but that irritating smirk ruined any sort of hilarity in

her teasing. When Tegan remained expressionless, she held out her hand, "I'm Sara Clement. It's

so… lovely to meet you, Tegan."

Tegan stared down at that ungodly pale hand for a moment. Had this woman – Sara – ever ventured

to the outdoors? Had she ever seen the light of the sun? Her fingers were long and thin, nails clipped

cleanly and rather short. Tegan searched for any sign of nervous nail biting or tiny cuts of skin

around her cuticles, but she found nothing. The lack of humanness was off-putting, but Tegan did

not have long to linger in that thought as that perfect hand wavered slightly.

She peeked up through dark lashes to see Sara's brow knitting the slightest bit in confusion as Tegan

had yet to meet her handshake. She contemplated leaving her hanging, desperate to see the

affronted line of her mouth twist as she dropped her hand to her side and shook her head at Tegan's

lack of manners.

But that fantasy was cut short as Tegan reluctantly lifted one hand to meet her proffered clasp in a

bout of professionalism. A chill ran up her arm and rushed down her spine as she met Sara's frigidly

cold palm. She glanced back down at their hands to make sure she was indeed touching a human

and not grasping an icicle.

"So awesome to meet you too, Sara." she ground out, quickly taking her hand back.

Something akin to amusement sparked in Sara's hazel orbs. "Tegan Rain," she repeated, as if tasting

it on her tongue, "What a peculiar name." She traced the shiny piercing below Tegan's bottom lip

and the mess of short waves sitting on her head. "Yet oddly fitting, isn't it?"

Tegan did not even try to mask the roll of her eyes. The topic of her name had found its way through

every mouth she had ever encountered and if Sara thought she was being clever, she was dead

wrong. "Sara Clement, a pretty boring name." She exaggerated her glance over Sara's safe attire and

stiff back. "Completely fitting."

Sara's eyebrows shot up her forehead and Tegan couldn't help but allow herself a small grin at

throwing Sara off her game of passive aggressive insults.

But to Tegan's disappointment, she quickly regained composure and even more upsettingly, that

goddamn smirk. "Oh, Tegan Rain, I can show you just how completely riveting I can be."

It was Tegan's turn to gape in surprise as her eyes widened and her mind raced over the possibilities

of just what lurked under that vague promise. She opened her mouth to question Sara, but the

confident click of heels in the distance distracted her words and Sara's body grew tight at the noise.

Like a Pavlov's dog, Sara cocked her head towards the sound before that haughty expression she had

been wearing when she first stepped down the stairs slid back over her face. She turned to Tegan

with what looked like an attempted smile, but appeared more as a cringe than anything else.

"I'm afraid I have to cut this introduction short. Please excuse my abrupt departure." She spoke in a

rushed lisp that had Tegan raising a curious brow. "I'll see you around, cook."

And with that bid, Sara turned and made her way swiftly up the stairs. She was so quiet - a mere blur

of expensive clothes - that if it were not for the chilly lingering touch on Tegan's hand, she would

assume she had made Sara up.

Shaking herself from her peering up the white staircase at the retreating round bum, Tegan turned

around just in time to find the butler who had greeted her at the door and an elder woman making

their way over to her. Wearing a yellow cardigan and flowing black skirt, the woman's relation to

Sara was as clear as day with her sharp jawline and short stature. Yet her eyes were tighter and she

was much less talented in masking her offense at the mere sight of Tegan by her turned up nose.

Tegan sighed and willed herself to smile politely as the woman glided over.

"Ah, Miss… Rain, is it?" The woman held her hand out limply and after a brief pause, Tegan reached

out to shake the odd offer. The woman shot her a peculiar look and Tegan blushed as she realized

that whatever she had done was wrong.

"Yes, ma'am," she nodded, trying to fight off the heat beneath her skin. "It's nice to meet you."

"My husband spoke to me about you," her eyes traveled across Tegan's windswept hair. "Will you be

serving guests in that… outfit, or do you have a uniform? We have one that may fit you if you do not."

"Oh, uh," Tegan thrusted one thumb to shift the attention to her backpack. "Yeah, I have one in

here."

"Hmm," the woman pursed her lips and gave a short nod. "Lovely. Just be sure to iron any wrinkles.

Martin will be sure to show you the spare iron." The old butler gave a short nod behind her. "How

long have you been cooking, Miss Rain?"

"Please, call me Tegan," she smiled slightly, uncomfortable with the formality of her surname. "I've

been cooking for as long as I can remember. My dad owned a small restaurant when I was a kid and

he taught me everything he knew."

Mrs. Clement's eyebrows perked slightly at her use of past tense, but when Tegan did not elaborate,

she gave a nod. "My husband told me that you were looking for money to pay for your next

semester of college. What is your major?"

"Culinary Arts," Tegan responded, ruffling the back of her hair in a nervous tick. "It'll be my fourth

year."

Mrs. Clement gave a satisfied hum. "You have the night off, Miss Rain, but I expect breakfast on the

table at nine in the morning." Tegan noted that in the back of her mind as the older woman turned

to the butler. "Please escort Miss Rain to her room, Martin." She turned back to Tegan with a tight

smile, "Feel free to go to him if you need anything."

She turned and walked briskly away without another word and Tegan was left feeling vaguely lost as

she followed Martin up the staircase Sara had so hastily disappeared up. Tegan peeked around the

firmly shut row of white doors, white carpets, and blank white walls with squinting eyes.

She felt a headache coming on.

Martin opened the last door in the corner of the house, opening it up and exposing the room of a

simple queen sized bed and dresser. "Here you are, Miss Rain."

"Please, call me Tegan." she parroted her earlier words as she took her backpack off and set it

carefully on the ground.

"Miss Rain," he repeated, but something amused lit up his blue eyes at her vaguely exasperated sigh.

"The bathroom is five doors down on your right. This hallway is mostly empty, however the

Clement's daughter stays right across the hall from you."

Realizing he most likely meant Sara unless they had another daughter lurking in the walls, Tegan

sighed softly.

He smiled faintly at her frown. "I take it you have met Miss Sara? Not to worry, dear. She's rather

quiet, if not a bit of a firecracker when need be." Tegan simply raised an eyebrow at that statement

and he grabbed the doorknob, inching it closed as he said, "I'll retrieve the iron whenever you may

need it. Have a good afternoon, Miss Rain."

The door slipped shut before she could thank him and she perched herself on the edge of the bed,

fearful to rustle the covers or create any wrinkles. She gazed around the empty room and peeked

out the window to see nothing but miles of untouched grass and felt anxiety rise in her chest like a

balloon threatening to pop.

She would do anything to be on the comfy sofa of her apartment with Emy, her best friend and

longtime roommate. They could be binge watching television shows and scarfing down Tegan's

gooey macaroni and cheese while crowing with laughter and discussing Emy's newest painting. But

instead she was here, alone and intensely uncomfortable, just like she was sure to be every day until

she could finally escape.

She already hated it.

"Shit."


	2. First Impressions

Tegan hadn't slept a wink her first night in the Clement Household.

Not only was she completely out the element and uncomfortable with the roaring silence without

her neighbor's distant voices or the squeak of a bed to inform her there were indeed other living

people in the building, but she was also nervous. Stuck up assholes or not, they held her paycheck in

the palm of their hands and she wanted to make a good first impression. She wanted them to like

her food and if they didn't like her personally, that didn't bother her. She wanted them to take one

tiny forkful of whatever she created and roll their eyes into the back of their heads as they moaned

in delight. And Tegan was being generous with the idea of them reacting like normal human beings

because honestly, she wasn't sure if they would ever stoop so low as to show pleasure in anything.

But that thought led Tegan to imagine one particular Clement expressing pleasure. She only indulged

in the image of pale cheeks warming pink and combed hair becoming messy with running fingers for

a moment before she hurriedly banished that idea. Not only was Sara a total bitch, but that was

entirely inappropriate in Tegan's position. She couldn't risk even thinking things like that because

those peering eyes would somehow see into her brain and kick her out before she could even stutter

out an apology.

As the moon drifted and the sun set gentle purple rays into her window, Tegan rolled out of bed and

chewed her bottom lip until it tingled uncomfortably. It had occurred to her at some point in the

night that she had never met Mr. Clement the day before, and though he sounded friendly when

they had spoken over the phone about the job a week ago, she didn't have high expectations after

meeting his family.

She shed her pajamas and stepped into her uniform with sleepily fumbling fingers and wiped the dry,

tired feeling from her heavy eyes. She smoothed the wrinkles from the material and stepped outside

to find the bathroom as the pressure in her bladder was becoming painful and if she hadn't been

afraid of walking to the dark and unknown destination alone, she would've gone hours ago.

Unsurprisingly, the hall was eerily quiet. She glanced down the row of closed doors and tried to

guess which room Sara occupied, but it was impossible to tell in the still morning. Illuminated from

the peaking sun, the floor sparkled as Tegan gently padded across the marble, walking as if treading

across a thick patch of ice to keep from disrupting the silence.

She found the bathroom rather quickly and gawked at the golden knobs of the sink and shower.

Everything was so clean that the room sparkled, the abrasive scent of bleach burning her nostrils.

The granite tiled bath connected to a tall stall with many different shower heads pointing in a

number of different directions that Tegan was going to have a hell of a time figuring out tonight.

A wide mirror framed in winding gold sat above a long set of matching granite cabinets, with one

lone green tooth brush sitting in a white cup decorated in a black 'S'. It was the first sign of anything

human and normal; Tegan couldn't believe how relieved she was to see a fucking toothbrush.

After relieving her bladder and washing her hands with apple scented soap, she resisted the urge to

snoop through the drawers as she combed her fingers through her short hair and frowned at the

dark circles bruising her hazel eyes.

She exited the bathroom in search of the kitchen a moment later. This proved to be harder feat than

she originally guessed as all the hallways looked the same. After turning in circles around many

different floors and panicking for a moment, she stumbled upon the familiar downstairs foyer with a

relieved sigh as she escaped that fucking maze.

She walked slowly through a large sitting area, with black leather sofas and a stacked bookcase of

colorful spines. A brick fireplace caught Tegan's attention as she spotted one framed picture on the

mantle. Curiosity got the better of her and she found herself taking a small detour over a soft rug

before perching herself on her tiptoes to study the picture and instantly recognized the girl in the

photo; Sara Clement.

She looked a few years younger than she had the day before with childish pudgy cheeks and a

slightly less defined jaw. Her hair was far longer, the dark locks brushing her shoulders and her bangs

straighter than Tegan had seen the day before, sweeping over her guarded stare into the lens of the

camera. She was still annoying well-dressed however, her black button up pressed and hanging

loosely around her growing body. She was holding one bony wrist with a small hand, her legs

pressed tightly together and her mouth unsmiling even in the peak of her youth.

It embodied the complete opposite of Tegan's own childhood. Where Tegan had shoved her way to

the front of the every camera with her ridiculous grin showing off her gums and her eyes crinkled

with captured laughter, Sara stood rigid as if the mere idea of a camera made her angry. While

Tegan had pulled silly faces and experimented with odd, messy clothes, Sara's face was stony and

her outfit looked as if an old business woman had chosen them. She looked so serious.

Her stomach churning with sadness she didn't understand, Tegan shook herself and walked away,

passing through the dining room of crystal chandeliers and an unnecessarily long table.

She pushed through swinging door and a gasp escaped her throat as she found the kitchen. With

miles of stainless steel, hanging pots and pans, and rows of appliance filled cabinets, it was by far the

nicest kitchen she had ever stepped foot in. She scanned over the cabinet top and found a small list

of preferred food of the family and Sara's seafood allergy presumably created by their regular chef

as she trailed her fingers across the cool stove and felt her desire to cook expand, nagging in her

heart insistently.

Cooking was her passion. She woke up every day excited to create mouthwatering aromas and

succulent dishes. She lived for the dropped jaws of friends and family when she presented their

dinner, and loved their shoulder-slumping, moaning reactions at the first taste even more.

When her father had left her mum, she went through a spiral of resentment for her number one

hobby. He had always been standing over her shoulder, directing the right amount of spices into

bubbling soups and showing her how to properly beat an egg. Cooking had been a bonding

experience between the two of them; the only time he ever smiled, and that was something did not

catch as child. But as she grew up, she saw it and every glance at the oven reminded her of her

mother's soft sobs and pleas for him to stay. Every whiff of baking cookies made her remember the

steely resolve in his eyes when he had walked out their door, never to return. He had left them with

nothing and Tegan watched her mother scramble for money to keep a house over their heads,

coming home late and exhausted, skipping meals to sleep and apologizing profusely for not giving

her daughter a proper home cooked meal. It only took two years for Tegan's jaw to set with

determination and at thirteen, she decided she would have dinner sitting on the table for her poor,

overworked mum every night.

And with every gentle thank you and genuine appraisal from her role model, Tegan came to the

gradual conclusion that she couldn't let her father's memory ruin what brought her happiness. She

experimented with new ideas and as time went on and she grew older, her talent grew. It was then

she realized that she didn't need her father; she was better off without that deadbeat. And so was

her mum.

Tegan grinned widely at the warbled reflection of her own face in the stove and rubbed her hands

greedily as she searched the kitchen for ingredients that would hopefully satisfy the hoity-toity

palettes of the Clement family.

Tegan heard distant footsteps just as she was setting the final dish on the table in the dining room,

checking over the presentation one last time. Her heart skipped an anxious beat as she straightened

and wondered if she should hide in the kitchen until called out to discuss the meal of toasted hash

browns, sunny yellow omelets, crispy bacon, and fluffy pancakes. It wasn't the most expansive show

of her talents, but it was simple and greatly loved by her friends and family.

She just prayed the same was meant for her employers.

Clutching the bottom of her uniform, she gripped the white material as the steps grew closer.

It was Martin who walked through the door, dressed in a smart suit and walking with a sleepy shuffle.

"Oh, Miss Rain," he tutted, catching sight of the plates stacked in breakfast food. "It is my job to

present the meals. You only have the make the food, dear. You don't have to do any of the mundane

tasks."

"Oh." Heat burned beneath Tegan's cheeks as she ducked her head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry.

I've never been trained on how to deal with a situation like this. Any course I've taken about

presenting dishes was more focused on restaurants and dinner parties."

"Not to worry, Miss Rain. It's your first day and at lunch, you'll know how to approach it." His smile

was gentle as he eyed her abashed expression and something warm trickled into her chest at the

sight of his blue gaze. "This is, after all, a learning experience. Is it not?"

A faint smile tugged at Tegan's lips as she lifted her head with a bit more confidence as she agreed,

"You're right." She took a deep breath and added, "Thank you."

His slightly bushy white brows knitted as a smile pulled at his thin lips, but as he parted them to

speak he suddenly paused. Tilting his head to the right, he reminded Tegan of a curious dog as he

announced, "Ah, Miss Sara is up. Please excuse me, Miss Rain."

Dumbfounded as she had not heard any signs of someone approaching, Tegan simply blinked as he

disappeared around the corner.

"Good morning, Miss Sara. I trust you slept well." she heard him greet.

Sara's reply was so soft spoken that Tegan had to strain her ears to hear the faint, "Hello, Martin."

She appeared at the threshold a moment later and Tegan felt lightning shock rush through her chest.

Sara's feet were fucking soundproof.

Her head was bowed, her hands held stiffly at her sides. She was already dressed in a powder blue

button up, rolled up to expose her fragilely thin wrists and high-waisted gray trousers. Her hair held

no sign of bedhead, combed neatly to one side and falling over her eyes as she they followed her

white dress shoes.

Tegan had not expected to see her in pajamas, but she couldn't help but wonder what they might

look like - a fucking pantsuit, perhaps? She honestly wouldn't put it past her.

She watched Sara smooth her palms over her already wrinkle-free blouse in silence before dark eyes

lifted and met her own. Her pale, sharply angled face was smooth as if she had been up for hours.

Not one sign of the morning lingered in her eyes and her mouth was held tightly instead of slacking

with sleep.

For a moment, the memory of the terrible attitude that lurked in that attractive frame disappeared.

Tegan clutched to naivety, admiring the subtle swell of Sara's breasts beneath her loose button

down and gentle arch of her shoulders through her lashes before the reality crashed back down as

she met that annoying smirk she hoped not to familiarize herself with over the next month.

"Oh. Tegan Rain."

Tegan raised an eyebrow; did that even constitute as a greeting? "Sara." she responded with a vague

nod.

"You've cooked." Sara's eyes grazed over the full table. "What do you call this assortment? 'An Ode

to Minimum Effort'?"

That arrogant attitude left Tegan mourning the lost potential of such a stunning physique. Sara's bad

personality tarnished the image of soft lips and round thighs. It was a true shame.

But she would not let Sara get under her skin and instead of hurling an angry retort, she snarked, "If

you find it boring then it should be right up your alley."

The same look of vague surprise from the day before lifted Sara's brows at Tegan's quick comeback,

but disappeared just as quickly as it had come. "Let's have a taste and see if anything of yours is

indeed… up my alley."

As Tegan tried to pick apart those words, Sara soundlessly pulled back a chair and settled herself into

the seat with a straight back. She grabbed a knife and fork between her hands and poised her brows

towards Tegan expectantly.

Tegan stared back, clueless to what that look meant.

Sara released a soft sigh, dusted in exasperation as she motioned towards the plates with her knife.

"Honestly, were you raised in a barn?" She shook her head as if deeply appalled. "Show some

manners, Tegan Rain. Dish out your creation for me."

Tegan crossed her arms over her chest defiantly. "You want me to serve you?"

The corners of Sara's lips turned down the faintest bit, "You really were raised in a barn, weren't you?

I can't possibly dish my own meal, Tegan Rain. That wouldn't be proper."

Brows lowering dubiously, she questioned, "It wouldn't?"

If Sara were a different type of person, Tegan was sure her eyes would've rolled at her confusion,

but the slight slump of her shoulders somehow had the same effect. "Of course it wouldn't."

"But isn't it, like… improper or whatever to eat before your mum and dad come down?" Tegan

cocked her head to the side, genuinely curious. They were like aliens to her; they came from such

different backgrounds. She felt as if she had been thrown into a new realm.

Sara's shoulders grew noticeably tighter. "No." she answered simply. "Now if you'd please…" She

dropped her eyes to her empty plate before looking back at Tegan through long lashes.

Nearly positive she was being tricked, Tegan grabbed utensils to scoop up one omelet and drop it

unceremoniously onto Sara's plate, a small twitch of amusement tugging at her lips at Sara's frown.

She grabbed two pieces of bacon, a hash brown, and one pancake before dropping the silver back

onto the table and quirking a brow. "Would you like maple syrup, oh great one?"

Sara's lips curled into something close to a smile. "Are we not in Canada, cook?"

Begrudging amusement bubbled in Tegan's stomach, but she simply nodded straight-faced and

grabbed the bottle to dose the pancake in a thick layer of gooey sugar. "Bon appetit." she muttered

sarcastically.

Setting the bottle back down, they stared into each others eyes, a challenge lurking in the tense air

between them. It was if one long string attached their eyes, forcing them to gaze at each other and

daring one of them to be the first to look away.

And Tegan would be damned if she was going to lose this competition.

She maintained eye contact, her eyebrows raised in rebellion as Sara forced the hands of her fork

into the bacon. It crackled and broke beneath the small force, leaving a small chunk at the end of her

fork and she lifted it with a dainty hold to her lips. She took in a deep breath through her button

nose, her brow quirking the slightest bit as she caught a whiff of the brown meat before slipping it

into her mouth. Tegan resisted the urge to roll her eyes at her theatrics.

But then Tegan began to panic. What if Sara really did not enjoy her cooking? She would run to her

father and Tegan would lose her job before she even had it.

A cluster of anxious butterflies gathered in the pit of her stomach as she forced herself to stand still

and keep her face blank, watching ever tiny bite Sara consumed. Her angular jaw moved to the slow

chew of her teeth and Tegan tried to focus on the up and down motion instead of the worry knotting

in her gut.

The sound of heels clacking against the marble floor accompanied by flat, heavy steps broke Sara

from her staring spell. Pausing mid-chew, she lost their staring contest as she glanced over shoulder

at the open area of the dining room opening, squinting slightly while her throat jumped as she

swallowed the remainder of food in her mouth. Tegan rejoiced in her quiet victory as Sara swiveled

quickly back around, her head down as she avoided looking at anything but her plate.

Her entire demeanor changed as the familiar face of her mother appeared, accompanied by a short,

thin man. He wore a classy pair of silver framed glasses and a fitted button down. His mouth was

lightly wrinkled with faint laugh lines and his brown eyes were crinkled into a smile as he caught

sight of Tegan standing at the end of the table.

"Ah!" Tegan resisted a bewildered flinch as she recognized the voice that had pierced her ear drum

over the phone a week ago. "You must be Tegan!"

"Yes, sir," she nodded with a polite smile as she held her hand out, "It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise, likewise," he agreed with an exuberant shake to her arm, shaking it so viciously she feared

her arm would snap right off. "It smells delicious!"

Tegan's heart stuttered nervously in her chest as he pulled back a seat and sat down after watching

his wife sit quietly beside Sara, who hadn't looked up from her plate since the arrival of her parents.

Hurriedly placing food on their plates, she stood back and watched them take their first bites of her

cuisine. Her hands were wringing nervously against her thighs as they cut their pancakes into tiny

triangles and their bacon in small, easy proportions. It was driving her insane; she just wanted them

to fucking eat and take away her anxiety.

When they finally took their first bite, Tegan was unsurprised to see that Mrs. Clement barely

reacted, keeping her shoulders tight and her jaw stiff as she chewed.

Mr. Clement, completely unlike the women of the family, reacted strongly. He dropped his fist on

the table and Tegan saw Sara flinch out of the corner of her eye. "Delicious!" he proclaimed loudly.

Tegan's smile stretched wide across her face as relief flooded her system. "Thank you, sir."

She stood in the corner as she waited for them to finish, taking this moment of silence to observe

these strangers. Mr. Clement proved to be vastly different from his family on first impression. He

chewed with his mouth open and low hums of approval while Mrs. Clement sat in rigid silence. Sara

barely touched her food, only taking the occasional bite every so often, her eyes trained on the table.

It was like she was a different person; so opposite from the confident person Tegan had come to

acquaint herself with over the past few hours. She thought back to the day before and how hastily

Sara had disappeared before her mother came to introduce herself to Tegan and how quickly she

had drifted into some sort of odd shell right before her parents appeared in the dining room.

To Tegan, there was clearly something deeper happening; something she didn't understand. But she

wasn't going to pry no matter how curious she was. Besides, maybe that was how all kin of the rich

acted. Tegan really didn't know – she had never met anyone rich before yesterday.

She waited until the elders of the family finished their food in silence and Mr. Clement bid her a

good day before relaxing her shoulders.

"It was passable, though the bacon was a tad burnt." Sara commented in their privacy, standing

from her own seat. There was no implication of the frozen statue she had become at the sight of her

parents as her lips twitched and Tegan scowled. "Best be careful next time, cook."

Tegan's jaw clenched furiously while Sara stood with a small dab of the napkin on her lips before

discarding it to the dirty, nearly untouched plate. With one last smirk Tegan's way, she glided around

the corner and disappeared on light feet.

Tegan wondered how quickly she would be fired if she told her bosses daughter to go fuck herself.


	3. Robots

The bright, calm hours between lunch and dinner of her second day, Tegan explored the vast

outdoors.

With her cell phone in hand to alert her the time, she escaped the silence of the gray building with a

sigh of relief as wind whistled in her ears and replaced the continuous roar that she could not get

used to. The gentle scent of flowers lingered in her nose and exploded in her chest, dousing her with

a peace she had not felt since the moment she stepped on these grounds. The sun was golden and

warm in the clear blue sky, but there was no sound of screeching children in the distance to define

the familiar summer day. Even the outdoors - where things were the most familiar and normal - of

this godforsaken house were wrong; different… uncomfortable, almost.

Exasperated, Tegan shook her head to herself and circled around the side of the house slowly. Her

short waves danced in the heated breeze as she fixed her sleeves so they rolled over her shoulders

and exposed the line of tattoos decorating the faint muscles she was rather proud of. Birds chirped

somewhere above her, lost in the abyss of their home in the trees, and she kicked the groomed grass

with the toe of her shoe.

Turning the corner, a gasp escaped her as she spotted a pool of crystal blue water in their large

backyard. A long pathway led the patio to the white ladder as the water rippled in the wind and

sparkled like diamonds beneath the sun rays. She took in a deep breath to smell the chlorine as she

approached the teardrop shaped hole in the ground, her feet sliding against the slick granite.

She peered down the length of the pool, admiring the trimmed hedges lining the area and one lone

white bench in the short distance. She tried to imagine the Clement's spending time out here,

watching a child version of Sara splash and giggle. She tried to see their hands lock together as they

watched their daughter with affectionate grins as she cried out for Mr. Clement to throw her in the

water.

But she couldn't.

Instead, the memory of visiting the local pool with her mum slipped into her mind. They would go

early into the afternoon and stay until it grew dark. Tegan could remember the exhausted weight of

her tiny body after hours of jumping into the pool as if she were an amateur Olympian as her belly

rumbled with insatiable hunger and pruned fingers shoved soggy chips into her mouth. She

remembered the way the lights inside the pool lit up her small feet at night, and the way her

mother's arms felt; holding her close and secure. She had felt so protected with her cheek pressed

against her the soft swell of her mother's chest, giggling to ridiculous tales she would create for

Tegan's amusement. Her father never came along, and now Tegan was glad he did not taint that

cherished moment of history.

Lost in her memories, Tegan flinched as the phone in her hand began to vibrate. Reacting quickly,

she took one glance at the name lighting up her screen and grinned as she lifted the phone to her

ear. "Emy!"

"Tegan!" The enthusiastic voice of her best friend sent a warm and comforting feeling in her chest.

"Dude, you have no idea how awesome it is to hear your voice," Tegan gushed, "Or to hear any voice

with emotion in it at all."

Emy's sweet laughter circulated from the other line, "What does that mean? Are the… what was it,

again? Kalymonts?"

"Clements." Tegan corrected absentmindedly.

"Right, them. Are they robots or something?" Emy teased, but Tegan actually contemplated the

truth behind those words for a moment.

"They might as well be," she concluded quietly, eyeing the bare grounds for any member of the

family. "It's huge here, Emy. I'm in a fucking mansion. It's so quiet I can hear my own breathing, but I

never hear any other people doing anything. And the woman, Mrs. Clement, looks at me like I'm a

piece of shit every time I'm around. And don't even get me started on their daughter."

"Oh, they have a little brat?" Emy joked as something rustled in the background.

"She's little and she's definitely a fucking brat, but now how you mean." Tegan ran a hand through

her hair as she felt sweat collect at her hairline. "I think she's my age. She's the most arrogant

motherfucker I've ever met. I don't think she's called me by name once since I got here."

"What's she call you?"

"Tegan Rain," Tegan lowered her voice to Sara's low drawl, "Or 'cook'. Like, she says it in a way

that's, like… she's mocking me. She barley eats my food, but always finds something to critique. And

she has this fucking smirk on her face that makes me want to rip her hair out." she ranted, waving

her free hand in the air as she stomped the ground with one childish kick.

"She sounds terrible," Emy placated and Tegan nodded aggressively against her phone. "What's she

look like? I'm imagining like... long, puffy dresses and old-timey long hair. You know? Like all curled

and wearing powder make up."

Tegan's shoulders slumped as she sighed, "She definitely looks nothing like that."

On the other line, Emy gasped, "Oh, I get it! She's hot! That's why you're so bothered by her!"

Tegan said nothing in response, glowering at the innocent branches of the trees.

"I'm right, aren't I? She's a babe?" Emy gave a bark of laughter that echoed in Tegan's brain. "She's a

total babe, isn't she? Go on, Tee. What's she look like?"

"She's… she's not that great looking." Tegan muttered, her bottom lip forming an exaggerated pout.

"Oh, whatever, Tegan. I can hear it in your voice." Emy encouraged in heavy amusement. "Tell me."

"She's-" Tegan searched the sky for the appropriate word for the way Sara's impossibly sharp jaw

dipped into her gently arched neck. "She's fucking… annoyingly attractive. She wears all these really

classy blazers and button ups. Her hair is always perfect. And if you could see her cheekbones, I

swear to god, Emy… you would leave your Sarah and pick up this one." She grumbled, referring to

Emy's two yearlong girlfriend.

"Her name's Sara?" Emy asked in surprise. "That's going to be confusing."

"No, it's not because the moment I'm out of here, we're never talking about her again." Tegan

responded sternly. "She's probably the most attractive person I've ever seen, but her bad

personality ruins it. It pisses me off. It's like, a crying shame."

Emy cackled in delight as she teased, "Next time she's being rude, just jump on her. Just make out

with her until she shuts up."

"Yeah, right. I doubt she's had a gay thought in her entire life." Tegan scoffed.

"Why would you think that?"

"Because being gay isn't perfect. Sara probably has to shower every time anything remotely

imperfect taints her glamorous life," Tegan rolled her eyes with a scoff. "They're so old fashioned. I

mean, they have a goddamn butler. So, I bet she has, like… an arranged marriage or something.

They're ridiculous."

"Tee, c'mon. You don't know anything about her. Be nice." Emy chided. "Topics like this might be

totally out of line with a family like that. From what you've said, they come from a totally different

place. You could lose your job just saying stuff like that, couldn't you?"

Tegan dropped her chin to her chest, shame-faced. Emy was her conscience; always there to tell her

when she was being wrong or cruel. And though she appreciated it most of the time as it had kept

her from doing many regretful things in the past, she really just wanted to babble all the thoughts

she had accumulated in full arms over the past few days.

"You haven't called her a bitch to her face have you?" Emy questioned worriedly.

"No, of course not," Tegan shook her head.

"Good." Emy sighed on the other line, eliciting choppy static. "Keep it that way. This is a great thing

to put on your resume, Tegan. If you do this right, you're guaranteed a job."

"I know, I know. You're right. I just hate it here." Tegan mumbled, staring out into the green field.

"But let's stop talking about this. It's bringing me down. Tell me about your paintings."

An hour later, Tegan's ear had been properly chatted off about splashes of color on canvases and

Sarah's surprising new technique in bed, and she made her way back inside to prepare for dinner.

She slipped inside and brushed her feet on the mat before walking quietly up the stairs to her room.

But as she turned the corner of the now slightly familiar hallway, soft and quick voices stopped her.

It was the first time she had happened upon other humans when not in the kitchen, and she froze as

she searched for an idea of how to react.

Standing still behind the cover of the wall, she strained her ears. After a few beats of

incomprehensible murmurs, she recognized the voices of Sara and Mrs. Clement as they tossed back

and forth hushed words.

"-don't want to," she heard Sara's lisping voice whisper.

"You will," Mrs. Clement's reply was tight and angry. "You have no choice."

Sara's own response was so hurriedly spoken that Tegan only caught bits and pieces that peaked her

interest, "Do have a choice… twenty years old… decide for myself…"

"You are not, Sara!" Mrs. Clement's voice rose slightly and Tegan suddenly felt as if she should be

anywhere but on that side of the house; she was an intruder and a bit like a gross Peeping Tom. "End

of discussion!"

"Mother-"

"Don't you dare talk back to me, Sara Keirsten Clement! I said end of discussion!" The sound of

approaching heels spiked panic in Tegan's gut as she hurriedly began to walk as if she had only just

arrived in the building. Mrs. Clement rounded the corner, her jaw set and her cheeks a light pink, but

as she caught sight of Tegan, she grew even more rigid. Her nose turned up in a familiar look of

distaste and she greeted stiffly, "Oh, hello, Miss Rain."

"Hello, Mrs. Clement," Tegan nodded politely, watching the elder woman brisk past her before

strolling casually around the corner.

Sara stood outside of her bedroom door, directly across from Tegan's own, and making it impossible

to not pass directly by. Her shoulders were drawn in, her own cheeks splotchy with what Tegan

could only assume was rage. She was staring at the floor with something lurking in her eyes,

seemingly unaware of Tegan's presence.

Uncomfortable, Tegan heavied her foot steps to a normal stride instead of her eggshell tiptoe, and

after a moment, Sara looked up. She caught Tegan's stare with a fiery look in her eyes, her jaw

tightening as Tegan walked slowly by.

Uncharacteristically, Sara did not say a word. She simply stared - almost glared - as Tegan stepped up

to her door. But when her hand touched the golden doorknob, Sara suddenly blinked as if waking

from a daze. But instead of sending a passive aggressive insult Tegan's way, she stepped back into

the shadows of her room and shut the door soundlessly behind herself.

Flinching as if Sara had slammed the door, Tegan closed her own as she wondered just what in the

hell she witnessed, but pleased that she had seen it. At least now she had solid proof that they were

real humans with emotions instead of the robots she had been contemplating they were only an

hour before.


	4. A fucking Amazing Ass

The sun kissed Tegan's shoulders gently, radiating just enough heat to trace her skin with a warm

shiver and ease the tension in her bones. She walked around the house to the pool, which was

quickly becoming her favorite part of the house with it's calming atmosphere and sparkling water.

Her fingers ached from the grip she had held on the knife as she cut up fresh vegetables for lunch,

and a small patch of angry, red skin marred her palm from burning herself on the skillet while

making breakfast.

There had been no sign of Sara's earlier intense, albeit quiet outburst with her mother at dinner the

night before. She had sat at her usual seat, her back straight and her face blank as she picked at

Tegan's food. Like every night, she only spoke when spoken to, her voice soft and her replies short.

There was seemingly no tension between to two Clement women, but Tegan couldn't help but

wonder if the tension was always present and thick in the air, disguising the grudge of their fight as

forgotten even though it was anything but.

After dinner, Sara disappeared without her normal snarky comment about dry toast or burnt meat

to Tegan. She didn't come down for breakfast the next morning, and Tegan didn't see her at lunch

either. Something had clearly bothered the arrogant brunette, and despite disliking her, Tegan's

prying curiosity was eating her alive.

Desperate to shake off the questions that were slowly killing her, she rounded the corner to the

peaceful pool. The heels of her boots dug in the soft grass and she stopped in her tracks as she

caught sight of a small figure sitting on the bench below the hanging trees. She squinted past the sun,

and as the orange hues were shaded with her hooded eyelids, she immediately recognized the figure

as Sara.

Sitting with her back straight and one leg crossed over the other, Sara's button nose was buried

deep into the crevice of a heavy novel. She wasn't wearing her usual attire of a button down for

once, but instead an expensive looking cashmere sweater; it hung loosely from her frail shoulders,

and even from her distance, Tegan could see the beginnings of impossibly sharp collarbones. Her

long, thin fingers gripped the book as the wind picked up her wavy fringe, tickling the swell of one

cheekbone as her tongue poked out to wet her pouty bottom lip.

Tegan's body wracked with a shiver.

She had the reputation of being a love addict. Alongside her steady list of past girlfriends, she also

had a countless amount of strangers whom she claimed to have loved. She had a heart that gave

itself away too easily to people that, in retrospect, probably did not deserve it: women typing on

their laptops in Starbucks, women walking their dogs in the early morning, women getting a tattoo in

the same parlor Tegan herself was... even a woman cleaning the toilets in a public bathroom had

temporarily stolen her heart.

She knew it was ridiculous; she would be the first to attest to that, but she had no control over it.

She would see a woman and feel that familiar flutter in heart and suddenly she was at the receiving

end of rolling eyes and scoffs from her friends and family.

And maybe she had not loved those women in the past (despite her fervent shouts to dispel that

exact notion); maybe she had done what her mother suggested many times before and confused

lust with love. Maybe – she wasn't sure. But she knew one thing: if it were not for that twisted

mouth and turned up nose, Sara Clement would be the newest addition to her list of heartthrobs.

Because goddamn, this woman was beautiful. She would be the absolute perfect package of beauty

and intelligence if her heart was kind and adorned even a smidgen of humility.

Tegan would be groveling on hands and knees for her attention. She would be humiliating herself as

she flailed to woo her and chase her with a desperation that would cause rough cries to expel from

her throat when she was shot down.

She took a moment to imagine how inappropriate that would be in her position as well as how

quickly Sara would reject her, and pursed her lips. Perhaps Sara's bad attitude was a blessing after all.

She stood still for a moment, admiring the line of Sara's jaw while it was not moving to annoying

words. Her eyes painted thick attraction to the plump lip captured between white teeth, the soft

curl of her hair, and the gentle arch of her bent neck. Her body responded in the worst way to Sara

when she was silent; her stomach exploded in butterflies that fluttered up her chest and lodged a

knot in her throat while fire burned between her legs as her mind went rampant with images of

what that slight body might look like completely bare.

Pale skin without a speck of blemishes, waist curvy in a way her loose tops hid, breasts full and

perky-

"Tegan Rain," Tegan's heart jumped and shock sparked electricity down her spine as Sara spoke over

the wind without looking up from her book. "Are you going to sit down or are you going to continue

to lurk in the shadows like an antagonist in a horror film?"

Embarrassment squeezed at Tegan's lungs as she stammered, "I- uh, I-"

"Perhaps I should alert father that we might have a murderer in our home," Sara looked up from her

book for the first time, a small smirk tugging at one corner of her mouth. "A murderer with a

particular fascination with myself."

Stepping out of her not-so-incognito spot and regaining her composure, Tegan made the short

distance to the pool and plopped down on the granite tiles with a roll of her eyes, taking Sara's

earlier question as an invitation to join her. "I didn't recognize you without a stiff button down on. I

thought maybe you had a nicer clone or twin I hadn't been introduced to." She looked Sara up and

down and shook her head, "It's unfortunate that's not the case."

A small noise that sounded almost like a laugh escaped Sara's throat. "And why is that unfortunate,

cook?" Her hazel eyes were bright with something that made Tegan slightly uncomfortable as she

closed her book and used her thumb as a placeholder between the pages. "What would you have

done with my kind clone?"

"I might've had a conversation with your face that didn't end in wanting to harm it." Tegan grumbled

swiftly.

"The same face you were watching so intently not five minutes ago?" Sara countered smugly. "It

didn't seem as if you wanted to harm it then."

Responding with a scoff and an exaggerated roll of her eyes, Tegan stayed silent. Her mind was blank

with a comeback that wouldn't drag her attraction to the forefront of the conversation any more

than it subtly was. But with how casually Sara mentioned it, Tegan didn't have a doubt in her mind

that she was, unsurprisingly, not the first to gawk at her like a fool.

The wind picked Sara's hair up, brushing the combed strands to catch in her lashes as her eyes

fluttered closed at the warm breeze for a moment. The scent of growing flowers drifted through the

wind and Sara had clearly taken a notice as she took in a deep breath and held it in her chest.

Tegan looked down to the stars of sunlight glinting in the rippling pool to avoiding staring yet again.

She dipped her fingertips in the water, swimming the liquid between her fingers in rapid speed to

make the thin fluid feel like jello wedged between her bones and slosh loudly.

"I noticed you haven't been down for any meals today." Tegan spoke up as conversationally as

possible and not at all curious.

Sara quirked a brow and she peeked her eyes open. "I've been drinking coffee," she motioned to a

white cup settled near her polished beige shoes that Tegan hadn't noticed before with a flick of her

hand.

"You made your own coffee?" Tegan questioned disbelievingly.

"No, Martin brewed it for me." Sara responded before adding sarcastically, "Though, shockingly, I

am capable of accomplishing every day human necessities."

"I don't think coffee is a human necessity." Tegan wrinkled her nose in disagreement. Her own

tongue cringed at the idea of such a bitter, hot liquid exploding on its taste buds.

Sara's second brow raised to meet its high twin on her forehead. "Of course it is, Tegan Rain. Don't

be ridiculous."

Tegan released the shortest scoff of amusement, not allowing herself to give Sara the pleasure of

knowing she found her even the tiniest bit funny. "Coffee is disgusting."

Sara's face scrunched up in the most obvious show of emotion Tegan had witnessed since arriving at

the home as she shook her head slowly, "Oh, Tegan Rain. You misguided soul. I don't have the time

to inform you how of wrong you are."

Tegan rolled her eyes for the millionth time and waved to Sara's book as she splashed the lukewarm

water between her fingers. "What're you reading?"

Sara clutched her book the smallest bit tighter between her fingers. "You're interested?"

Tegan shrugged, "I'm bored. I have been every day. Do you guys own a television?"

"I have one in my room, yes." Sara gave a short nod. "Though I haven't indulged in it in quite some

time."

"Well, I've been going insane with boredom. I didn't bring anything with me to entertain myself

because I assumed there would be normal things in your house. I should've at least brought my

guitar." Tegan lamented mostly to herself than to Sara with a heavy sigh.

"You play the guitar?" Sara questioned with a small cock of her head.

"Yeah." Tegan nodded the affirmative. "Why? Do you?"

"Oh, of course not," Sara waved that idea off as if it were unfathomable. "However, I am quite good

at the piano. I had lessons as a child and still play from time to time."

"I had lessons to learn the piano as a kid too," Tegan informed her, shocked that they had something

in common. "Do you have one here? We could have a piano-off one day. I bet I could wipe the floor

with you." Tegan suggested the idea in a burst of excitement to one up the other woman. She

imagined Sara's quick, nimble fingers dancing across the keys as she followed the music with

rampantly attentive eyes; another shiver rushed down her spine at the picture of Sara moving so

studiously passionate.

But Sara shook her head with a stiff lip. "No, I don't believe that's a good idea."

"Why not?" Tegan was all but pouting, her brow wrinkled in displeasure.

Sara shot her a deadly look of something akin to annoyance. "It's not happening, cook. So you might

as well stop speaking about it now."

Aggravated, Tegan crossed her arms over her chest with a tight jaw. "Whatever." she mumbled like a

child, her wet fingers drying on her loose shirt.

They sat in silence for a moment with Tegan's boredom reemerging and growing in her chest like a

tight balloon until she was forced to speak up to quell the anxious feeling.

"So, that book? What's it called?"

"Tegan Rain," Sara stood from her spot on the bench and reached down to grab her coffee as she

tucked her book beneath her arm. Her full lips wrapped around the brim in a chaste kiss as she

sucked down the black liquid. "The title was bold and clear this entire conversation. If you have to

ask, I doubt you could possibly find the intelligence to actually read the words inside."

Tegan gaped, her jaw dropped the slightest bit in offense as Sara walked around the pool to pass her

with that damnable smirk. "See you at dinner, cook. I expect the most lavish meal as I've not eaten

today." She glanced down at Tegan's burnt palm for a moment, her smirk stretching wide as Tegan

subconsciously curled her fingers to hide the injured patch of skin. "I have a severe lack of faith in

your ability to reach my requirements."

Tegan's jaw snapped shut with a clink of her teeth, tightening in familiar anger. "As if you'd know.

You barely touch the food on your plate." she spat.

Sara's smirk only widened. "You've just proven my point." she replied with a lift of her nose before

her feet padded lightly across the granite.

Tegan craned her neck to watch Sara walk away, her gaze dropping to the tight material of her

trousers stretching over her full thighs and, Tegan noted with a silent groan, fucking amazing ass.

Plump and shaped perfectly round, it had Tegan hypnotized with every step Sara took.

When the other woman disappeared around the corner, Tegan dropped her forehead to her knees

as she tried to convince herself that Sara's quick wit and sharp tongue did not turn her on when it

was being shot with insults her way. But as she shifted her legs to lie more comfortably on the

ground, she felt her boy shorts cling damply to her core and swallowed thickly.

"Fuck."


	5. Plaguing Dreams

Tegan awoke slowly from dreams of sweaty bodies arching together in a hurried dance of undulating

hips and roaming hands. The images her brain had concocted to entertain her while asleep were

blurry and fleeting, as if she had watched them on an old television without fixing the antenna.

In her gradually growing conscious state, she still felt the desperation in her dream; her toes had

curled as she bucked against a strong, round thigh, gripping the shapely waist and flat plane of a

stomach glazed in sweat between tight fingers. Her entire body had felt tense with anticipation as

pleasure exploded between her legs and extended to her arching neck. Her voice had been

breathless as she begged for the woman to thrust faster, rub against her harder, to take her until she

was numb and exhausted.

Hovering between reality and cloudy dreams, her hips rolled against the mattress to tip her over the

edge, still positive that the contact against her aching center was another woman. When she met

her clothed crotch to the unsatisfying pressure of the bedding, her eyes peeked open in dazed

confusion.

She rolled over onto her back and glanced around the room, wincing as the bright morning sun sent

sharp knives through her tired corneas. Recognizing the bland room of her opened dresser drawers

and tangled sheets around her subconsciously spread legs, she groaned lowly in disappointment.

Those dreams had been occurring quite often over the past week and half. They varied from intense,

quick touches on bare mattresses to slow and teasing drags of fingertips across goose bumped skin

and disturbingly familiar smirking lips on tiled floors. There was nothing sweet or romantic about the

way she moved with this dream woman. They went at it like animals in documentaries she watched

in high school science class, fueled by nothing but unadulterated need. It was nothing like what

Tegan enjoyed in real life – long candlelight dinners, finding the thrill in holding hands, and shy first

kisses. It was as if someone else had taken over her dreams and injected their idea of a perfect

sexual relationship and despite everything, she found it somewhat alluring.

They were driving her crazy as they plagued her mind with every slid of her eyelids, building her up

until she awoke with her rapid heartbeat radiating to her wet center. She didn't dare finish herself

off, however. She doubted these walls had seen anything remotely sexual since Sara was conceived,

as the Clement's probably brushed off any tingle of desire with drops of expensive wine on their

tongues or cold showers to their heated skin. She was far too worried that the catch of her breath or

the slick sound of her fingers working between her thighs would be too noisy in these silent walls,

catching Sara's attention and giving her something else to mock Tegan about.

Her entire body was thrumming as she slowly sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. The

material of her soft shirt brushed against the tight buds of her nipples and the drenched crotch of

her underwear felt tight against her aching core. She groaned lowly and dropped her head onto her

knees as she fought off her arousal and damned her brain for bringing her to this state.

Rolling out of bed, she ignored the ache between her thighs as she collected her uniform and toiletry

bag with sleepy stumbles towards the door. She ran an absentminded hand through her bedhead,

halfheartedly taming the wavy locks as she twisted the knob and stepped into the hallway.

Unlike every morning thus far, she was not greeted by an empty hall, but a slender woman

approaching Sara's door. Her long dark hair curled down the stitched in waist of her navy blue dress,

her bangs brushing her thin brows as they quirked at the sight of Tegan at the end of the hall. Brown

eyes sussed out Tegan's disheveled appearance as thin hands smoothed the wrinkles of her short

dress.

She was cute and Tegan immediately wished she had made herself presentable before leaving the

safety of her room. She combed her fingers through her hair nervously as she stepped closer to the

woman and clutched her belongings tightly to her chest with her other hand.

"Who are you?" the woman questioned through thin lips as they met in the middle of the hallway.

"I'm, uh… Tegan Rain." Tegan responded, husky voice coated in sleep.

The woman cocked her head as recognition wiped the confusion from her face. "Oh, you're the

cook!" Her eyes drifted down Tegan's body with a nod of understanding. "You're the one with the n-"

"Stacy?" Sara appeared before her door and Tegan was not surprised that she hadn't heard her open

it. "I thought I heard your voice."

The sun was barely out and yet Sara looked as if she had been awake for hours. Not a single hair was

out of place and her eyes were bright and alert. She was already dressed in black button up, tucked

cleanly into the waist of her equally dark trousers, held up with a red belt.

"Hello, Sara," the stranger, Stacy, greeted with a small smile.

Sara gave her a short nod as her eyes drifted to meet Tegan's own sleepy pair. Tegan felt a pulse

between her legs as those eyes locked with hers and she shifted uncomfortably at her body's

reaction to the snobby woman.

"Oh, hello, Tegan Rain." she said quietly, her gaze drifting to the mess of hair on her head before

dropping to the ink on her arms, exposed from her muscle shirt. "I didn't see you there."

"Hey." Tegan muttered, her cheeks hot in embarrassment as she imagine just how horrible she

probably looked. She made sure her bag and uniform covered her braless chest as she bit her labret

piercing anxiously.

"I'm surprised I somehow missed you. Do you often wake up looking as if you've been sleeping for

an entire millennium or am I just lucky to have witnessed this rare occasion?"

A scowl pulled at Tegan's lips. "Do you even sleep, vampire? No wonder you're always in a bad

mood."

"Vampires are universally known to be beautiful and majestic creatures, so thank you for that

compliment, cook." Sara responded with an amused twitch to her lips.

Tegan rolled her eyes – something she often did in Sara's presence. "They're also known to be

something to avoid."

Sara brushed her fringe from her eyes with two fingers, exposing her quirked brow. "Then why are

you still standing here and making a scene in front of my guest?"

Tegan blinked and looked towards the cute, tall woman in surprise. She had forgotten her in the

haze of her every day Sara Rage. Stacy was looking between the two of them with a distinct curiosity

lurking in her murky eyes.

"Don't you have a job to be doing, Tegan Rain?" Sara spoke again, her voice pitched in that

annoyingly soft octave. "Slaving over an oven, perhaps? Pouring your blood, sweat, and tears into

my breakfast only to come up with something so mundane that even I, who has never stepped into a

kitchen with the intention of cooking, could do better at?"

Tegan's teeth ground together in harsh contact as her tongue rolled and curled to the unspoken

words of 'fuck you' behind the white barrier.

"Now, go clean yourself up, cook." Sara's dark eyes looked her up and down as she donned that

fucking smirk. "The least you can do is appear half-way decent in the presence of a stranger." She

added, motioning towards Stacy. "Have you no manners?"

Biting her tongue, Tegan's eyes slit into a dangerous glower. Arousal forgotten, she all but stomped

to the bathroom as she willed herself not to spit in Sara's portion of food later.

It wasn't until Tegan was cleaning up after dinner that she began to wonder what that Stacy woman

was going to say before Sara interrupted her.

"You're the one with the n-"

Sara had clearly brought Tegan up in a conversation between the two women at some point during

her short stay, and the insult Stacy was bound to reveal before the interruption was undoubtedly

going to drive her crazy as she tried to figure it out. Her mind had created a string of offensive terms

Sara could have spit about her and without even knowing the truth, anger boiled in Tegan's gut.

And then, against her will, she imagined Sara's lips wrapping around the words her brain had created.

She could see Sara's full, pink lips curling and puckering to insults, her teeth moving together in that

subtle rise of her jaw as she spoke quietly. If she concentrated hard enough, she could see the small

flicks of Sara's tongue behind her teeth, painstakingly cradling every syllable as her mouth pulled

into her signature smirk of undisguised arrogance.

The ache she had woken with between her thighs built the longer she lingered in that image and it

only made her angrier as she scrubbed the cabinet tops down with an aggressive press of her fingers

to wet cloth.

She unclasped the first two buttons of her uniform, allowing fresh air to touch her heated chest

while she finished up her last duties of the day. Sweat clung to her skin and brow as she exited the

hot kitchen, swiping her fringe from her damp forehead. Her jaw was locked in irritation to every

hypothetical insult Sara could have said about her, ranging from her cooking abilities, to her middle

class family background, and ending at her appearance. Her heart pounded in adrenaline as her

stomach knotted in unprovoked anger. Her mind conjured images of the delicate rise of Sara's

breasts beneath her button down and the way her short hair curled beneath her ears and brushed

the soft looking nape of her neck. She saw the image of Sara's tight jeans hugging her small waist as

she heard her voice demean Tegan's mother in ways she had never actually heard her say.

Her body was trembling with the clash of fury bubbling in her blood and desire sinking vicious teeth

into her skin as she prowled down the hallway, passing Sara's closed door and throwing her own

open. She pulled at the hot collar of her uniform as she grabbed her toiletry bag and pajamas. She

nearly slammed her door shut behind herself in her first move of breaking the perpetual silence of

the house as she stepped back into the hallway, catching sight of Stacy and Sara slipping out of

Sara's room, Stacy's footing not as calculatedly quiet as Sara's and alerting Tegan of their presence.

Her breathing harsh and her skin hot, she stormed past them without breaking eye contact with the

ban of her existence. Sara's eyebrows were arched beneath her fringe with her lips furrowed in the

ghost of a grin. She watched Tegan with a steady eye, and Tegan tried not to notice that she had

unbuttoned a few clasps of her shirt, exposing milky white skin and sharp clavicles.

But she did. And her anger grew as she stalked to the bathroom and stepped inside. She held her

glare to Sara's as her fingers dug into the wood of the door. Stacy dissipated into an irrelevant fog as

Sara cocked her head an inch and pursed her lips, her stare unwavering.

Tegan's grip on the door tightened, and with one final scowl, she broke their trance and shut the

door with one silent meeting of the door to the frame.

She turned the knobs of the shower on, bringing the water to life with a peaceful burst of spray from

all directions. She shed her sweaty uniform and looked at herself in the mirror as she unclasped her

bra and threw it carelessly to the ground.

Her wide jaw was twitching, standing her cheekbones to attention against the blotchy red skin of her

cheeks. Her brows were lowered in anger she had never seen on her own face, her eyes swimming

with fiery emotion. Her fists clenched and released in an endless cycle by her waist as she waited for

the water to heat up.

She stared at herself for a long moment. Why was she so mad? Why was she so turned on from

someone she couldn't stand? She could hear Stacy's footsteps and she knew that despite the fact

that she couldn't hear them, Sara's were close by as well. Her clit twitched and begged for attention

as she recalled the way Sara's body moved with such effortless grace as she walked and the way her

pants clung to her bum in ways Tegan had only witnessed in her fantasies before meeting the other

woman.

She remembered the desperation she had felt in her dream that morning as she moved in perfect

synch with a taut body and pointedly did not connect the dots as she slipped her hand down her front.

She couldn't... she shouldn't. But she couldn't stand it; she was going to explode if she didn't find

release.

* * *

Missing part (apparently too explicit for fanfiction)

If you want to read it go to mazesficdotblogspotdotcom - you will need to replace the word "dot" with the real thing on you keyboard.

* * *

And that terrified her.


	6. Oddities

Acceptance. Love. Compassion. Understanding. Respect.

These words, etched into Tegan's brain and heart by her mother from the day she was born, meant

everything to her. It was everything she believed in; everything she based her life off of. She was the

one who brushed the dirt off bullied peer's knees, shadowing them from the bruising fists and cruel

taunts. She found the beauty under the most destroyed wreckage of dark flaws. She accepted the

worst in everyone and held their most fragile pieces with care between her fingers as she soothed

the patches of past wounds.

So why was Sara different?

Tegan splashed the pool water with a flick of her bare toes and chewed on her bottom lip.

How she felt about Sara shook her to her very core. If her mother could see the dirty fantasies that

welled in Tegan's brain while she bared her teeth under curling lips and spat aggressively Sara's way,

she would be so ashamed. She brought out the worst in her, unleashed a caged animal she hadn't

known was lurking inside of her chest. She wished she still didn't know of its existence, but its scars

had already made their marks within the nail indentations in the flesh of her palms and harshly

bitten cheeks.

Sara rubbed her the wrong way, while simultaneously not rubbing her at all. And both of those

things were an issue.

With a heavy sigh, Tegan tipped her head back and closed her eyes against the blinding sun rays

behind the protection of her sunglasses. There was the smallest chill in the summer air today,

enough to tug her beanie down her ears but keep her arms bare to the soft breeze. The grass sang a

gentle melody as the wind brushed the blades from side to side in a lazy dance while birds chirped in

the homes of their trees.

Everything was so peaceful out in the Clement's backyard, but Tegan's mind was anything but. After

committing the unprofessional act of masturbating to her bosses daughter while said woman was

only a few feet away, the black rivers of shame replaced her healthy blood. It pumped through her

veins and welled in her heart before entombing her very being. If anyone were to somehow find out,

she would lose her job. She wouldn't have this to put on her resume or help with the rent of in the

apartment she shared with Emy, and it would be detrimental to any job she would desire in the

future.

She had to cool off. She had to calm the fuck down, reign in her suddenly roaring hormones and

tackle these horribly negative emotions, and be the best goddamn cook the house had seen. She

needed to throw herself into her work and ignore Sara no matter how impossible it may be.

She had worked so hard for this. She wasn't going to let a bratty heir ruin her dreams.

Rolling the tight muscles of her neck against her shoulders, she kicked the slightly cool water and

listened to the quiet splash of the wave she had created.

"Why is it that everywhere I turn as of late, you're there?"

Tegan flinched as her heart rate accelerated and jumped a rush of shock up her spine. Her eyes flew

open and she resisted the urge to throw her hand over her thumping chest.

Speak of the devil. Holding a book to her chest, Sara stared down at Tegan with a tilt to her head.

She wore a thin, over-sized green jacket as if the slight nip outdoors was a freezing blow and Tegan

forcibly did not find it attractive in the least.

Swallowing a scratching response, Tegan tightened her fingers against the poolside and muttered, "I

can leave."

A small pull tugged at Sara's face, arching her brows and tightening her mouth. Her eyes lifted a

small fraction as, what Tegan assumed, confusion drifted over her features. "You don't have to leave,

Tegan Rain." The wind shielded her eyes with a curtain of hair before it was shoved away with Sara's

fingers. "You are not hard to ignore."

Familiar anger rushed in Tegan's gut, but she clamped her teeth together tightly as Sara turned on

the short heel of beige ankle boots and made her way to the bench. Tegan peeked through her

lashes at Sara's bum and dug her fingers into the granite at the accompanied pulse in her awakened

core at the subtle sway in Sara's hips.

Forcing herself to look away, she peered determinedly at the water her feet were emerged in and

tried not to remember the burst of amazing pleasure she had given herself to thoughts of the

woman only a short distance away. She tried not to think of the well of the incomparable orgasm as

it sent shocks through her body or the dreams she had been having for nearly three weeks.

She grew lost in the ripples of water in the wind, hunched into herself almost protectively. She lifted

her foot from the water and traced the multiple droplets curving down the arch of her limb slowly

slipping to the curve of her ankle before submerging it yet again.

Against her will, the question of what Sara would look like in a bathing suit knocked curiously on her

brain. She glanced subtly towards the other brunette, watching her eyes scan over the words of her

book as she ignored Tegan with the ease she had expressed, and bit her lip thoughtfully.

She'd be the type of woman who looked slightly out of place in a bikini, Tegan decided. She looked

so comfortable being completely covered in the rather androgynous clothing Tegan had seen her in.

That thought led her down the avenue of imagining Sara in a one piece suit, the white material

clinging to her hips and breasts as she dipped her toes into the water cautiously. She imagined the

sun dancing behind Sara's head like an ironic halo as her pale and shapely legs slipped into the water

with a cold cringe.

Tegan could hear herself mocking Sara for not diving in head first, calling her a wimp and laughing

when Sara poised an eyebrow and dunked the rest of her body into the water with one rebellious

dip.

The pink of Sara's skin would stand out in the clean water as she swam beneath the surface to where

Tegan was sitting on the edge of the pool. In her mind's eye, she could see Sara breaching the water

with a flip of hair from her eyes. Water clung to her sharp jaw and the small crevice above her bow

shaped lips, pulled into a much less irritating version of her smirk as she bobbed before Tegan like a

buoy.

Tegan's heart picked up as she imagined Sara's wet hands reaching out to touch Tegan's inner thighs

with a gentle, searing touch. Water droplets slipped past her palm to Tegan's warm skin as she urged

her legs apart and inched closer with an eager lick to her lips-

The fantasy ended abruptly as Tegan forced it from her mind with a vicious shake of her head. She

felt like a sixteen year old boy with a crush on a girl with low-rise jeans in French class, unable to

stop hormones from raging at the mere sight of her leaning over her desk while speaking to the

teacher.

With an internal slap to her cheeks, she glanced back to Sara and saw she was deep within the heart

of her novel. It had been about twenty minutes; the longest Tegan had ever spent in her presence,

and Sara looked completely engrossed with her book.

"Is that the same book you were reading before?" The question was out of Tegan's mouth before

she even knew she was wondering it.

Sara's eyebrows drifted up her forehead in acknowledgement to Tegan's interruption of her reading,

but she did not respond.

After a long beat of silence, Tegan gave a small huff. "Okay, then…"

A quirk pulled at Sara's lips as she glanced up at Tegan, the wind flapping the pages of her book

beneath her grip. "I was merely demonstrating how especially easy it is to ignore you."

"And yet you gave up pretty easily." Tegan countered.

Sara cocked her head with another tug to her lips, almost as if she were about to smile. "You're

funny, Tegan Rain." she said, but she was not chuckling the way Tegan was accustomed to when

being told that exact thing.

Tegan thought about saying something nice in return, but came up empty handed and realized Sara

probably did not mean that in a kind way anyhow. "You're not." she responded dully.

Sara's eyebrows pulled together as her eyes dropped away from Tegan and to her book with a small

tuck of her lips into her mouth. "Hmm." she murmured softly. Her fingers brushed the sharp corner

of her novel, tracing the stack of pages she had already consumed with hungry eyes before looking

back to Tegan. "Where are you from, Tegan Rain?"

Caught off guard, Tegan blinked. "I'm, uh, from here in Vancouver. I was born and raised here."

Sara gave a nod. "What do your parents do?"

Tegan's brow furrowed in confusion at these genuine questions. "Why do you care?"

"I'm merely curious." Sara gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "You've been in my home for, what

has it been? Fifteen days? And yet I know little about you. Quite odd, don't you think?"

"No." Tegan answered honestly, taking her feet from the pool to dry on the granite. "I'm here for a

job. I'm not here to make friends."

Sara's brow pulled together once again and she hummed even quieter than the first time. She was

silent for another long moment, mechanically scratching her finger across the paper in her hands. "I

imagine your father is some sort of builder," she spoke up as if Tegan had never spoken. "An

architect. Am I correct in assuming so?"

Tegan looked away, flashes of his back as he walked out of the door of her home and life peeking

into the dark corners of her mind before she shoved them away. "I wouldn't know." she muttered

bitterly.

Her brows relaxing, Sara gave a slow and understanding nod. "Ah. What does your mother do, then?"

With a roll of her eyes, Tegan sighed. Sara's was clearly not going to let up her questioning, no

matter how odd it was that she even cared. "She's a social worker." she answered reluctantly.

"Does she support your dream to be a cook?" Sara closed her book with a glance to the page

number and focused her unnerving attention fully onto Tegan.

"Uh, yeah."

"What makes you want to be one?" Sara prompted, clasping her fingers together in her lap like an

impromptu interview.

Quirking her brow at Sara's weird behavior, Tegan answered honestly, "I like cooking." She slipped

her beanie off her head to allow the wind to tousle the locks and ran her fingers over the soft

material. "Seriously, why do you care, Sara?"

Sara untucked her fingers from their lock and cradled her book to her chest as her long lashes

brushed her cheek in a slow blink. "Do you realize that you've never said my name to me in

conversation?"

Tegan simply shrugged and tugged at her labret. She hadn't noticed, but she really didn't see why it

mattered.

Sara slipped her bottom lip between her teeth in an alluring grip. "I think I enjoy-"

"Miss Sara?" Martin trudged past Tegan to approach the other woman, his old face wrinkled in a

friendly smile. "Mrs. Clement is requesting your presence in the dining hall."

"Oh," Sara's back went tight as she stood with an almost hasty movement. "Alright. Thank you,

Martin." She turned to Tegan, her eyes dancing across Tegan's features with a small tug of her lips.

"See you later, cook."

"Miss Rain." Martin added with a small bow.

Tegan gave a small nod as she watched the two of them depart with a quiet conversation and her

face scrunched up, wondering what that was all about and if it was going to happen again. She

hoped not; it made her feel almost uncomfortable to be questioned by Sara.

She tapped her fingers on her thigh before shrugging off the oddity and grabbed her phone from her

pocket to call her mum and pretend like she was a better person than she had turned out to be over

the last two weeks.

The least she could do for the one she loved the most was lie.


	7. Remotely Homosexual

"What is your favorite color, Tegan Rain?"

Dropping long, thin noodles into the pot of bubbling hot water, Tegan sighed. "Black."

"Regretfully, black is not a color. You have to choose again." Sara replied much to Tegan's

aggravation.

"I don't know," Tegan shrugged carelessly and threw out, "Green. I guess."

"I myself quite enjoy peridot." Sara informed her as if Tegan had cared to ask.

Turning away from the steaming pot, Tegan turned and raised a deadpanned brow at Sara's

indulgent face. She waited for the punchline of a joke, but Sara simply cocked her head curiously at

Tegan's stare. "That's a color?"

"It's a shade of green found in gems." Sara responded slowly and meticulously, as if speaking to a

small child. "You really must tell me about this barn you were raised in one day, Tegan Rain."

Turning back to the stove, Tegan rolled her eyes. "Don't you have, like, a tiara to go try on or

something?"

She was begging Sara as politely as possible to leave her the fuck alone. She didn't know why Sara

was suddenly so interested in her life, but she wasn't entirely excited to divulge any information to

her. She just wanted to be alone with her cooking, letting her mind drift and not think about her

urges for Sara. Which proved very hard when Sara was suddenly attached to her side like an excited,

questioning child.

"Honestly, me? A tiara?" Sara scoffed. "I once knew a woman who liked to wear tiaras, but she only

wore them in bed. She had quite a few men 'friends' and, according to the grapevine, was quite the

pillow queen. Pun fully and completely intended."

Tegan quirked a brow at the soft almost laugh in Sara's voice as she chopped the crisp, green

vegetables with a frown of concentration.

"You seem very far from a pillow queen." Sara added and Tegan almost chocked on her saliva. "Have

you… slept with a man before?"

Stunned, Tegan blinked rapidly as she asked in awe, "Sara, are you attempting to gossip with me?"

"Perhaps conversations work differently from wherever it is you come from. I was asking a question,

and in turn, you answer it." Sara lips stretched, curling over her upper line of teeth. "It's called

socializing. So, men?"

"That's an empty topic, Sara. There's literally nothing to talk about." Tegan admitted with an

annoyed sigh. "If you want to talk about sex lives involving men, just tell me about your own-" Tegan

paused and shook her head to herself. "-I guess."

Sara was silent for a long moment and Tegan turned to her with an indulgent shrug, "Well?"

"Oh, I was merely executing the fact that the topic of sex with men is also empty for me." Sara

smoothed the nonexistent wrinkles from her top.

Regretfully intrigued, Tegan turned away from the stove to face Sara fully. "You've never had sex?"

Sara gave a trilling laugh, soft and feminine in a way that roared fire in Tegan's gut. "Oh, I never said

that." she replied secretively, looking coyly through her lashes at Tegan.

A lump lodged into Tegan's windpipe, edging towards a gasp that she held back with all her might.

The implications were strong in Sara's words, the message of silent admission brimming behind thick

lashes and tugging at smirking lips. "Are you… Sara, are you saying that you've slept with women?"

"What I'm saying is a handful of women have slept with me." Sara glanced towards the bubbling pot

of water and softening noodles behind Tegan's shoulder before looking back into Tegan's wide eyes.

"With the status my family has and the people we associate with… well, generally the women who

come about are on a strict line of futures involving husbands and children. However, they find me

alluring and allow me to sneak them off during dinner parties to have very… tasteless intercourse in

a closet." Sara pursed her lips for a moment. "They allow me to touch them, yet shy away when it's

their turn to touch me. I've come to the conclusion that these women genuinely believe that

touching a woman will make them less heterosexual than having a woman touch them for whatever

backwards reason they've concocted."

"So, wait," Tegan rubbed her forehead at this news, utterly stupefied. She tried to wrap her head

around that information, while simultaneously avoiding the fantasy of Sara's hand up a tall blonde's

skirt in a dark closet, her hair messy from yanking fingers and lips red and wet from harsh kisses. Just

the mere flash of an image of Sara's hips undulating to aid her thrusts inside a woman, shushing her

whenever she became too loud, made heat stir in Tegan's blood. "Are you… are you saying you're

not straight?"

"I-" Sara faltered, brows knitting together. "I may not be very present in the, uh, gay life style, but I

assumed someone who is as clearly homosexual as you are would be able to pick up the hints of

another one living right across the hall."

"Well, if you're gay, why aren't you present in the gay life style?" Tegan cocked her head, genuinely

curious, but Sara simply blinked in response. Sighing, Tegan asked the other question loitering in her

mind, "And how do you know I'm 'clearly homosexual'?"

"Oh, isn't it obvious?" Sara asked rhetorically. "At first, I assumed it because of your hair and

clothes-" Tegan rolled her eyes at the stereotype. "-and later the simple aura you give out might as

well scream 'I'm not interested in men'. And honestly, Tegan Rain, do I really present myself in a way

that is anything remotely heterosexual?"

Tegan pursed her lips. "I assumed-"

"I know what you assumed. I've heard it from every woman I've ever had a quick rendezvous with-

that shock that I don't enjoy the company of men. My family background warps the perception of

everyone I come across no matter how obviously homosexual I believe I come across as." Sara

watched as Tegan turned to the cutting board of mushroom, crushing it with the blunt of one knife

and peeking over her shoulder as Sara huffed softly, "It's rather frustrating."

"You said many women have slept with you. But has anyone ever… you know, made you…" Tegan

trailed off and turned back to the mushroom, chopping it in quick and expert motions. Heat built up

in her cheeks as she tried to find the most professional way to phrase her question. "You know…

been, uh, intimate with you?"

"One woman." Sara nodded the affirmative. "Her name was Penelope and I was seventeen. I

suppose you could call our short time together a relationship. She was lovely and very beautiful. She

enjoyed touching me as much as I her, and was quite funny."

Tegan dropped chopped mushroom into another boiling pot of sauce. "What happened with her?"

"Oh." The tone of Sara's voice was even quieter than usual and Tegan turned around, half expecting

to see the emotional quiver of bad memories in her lip, but Sara looked as unmoved as always. "One

unfortunate day we became rather reckless and mother caught us in a rather heated lip lock. She

was absolutely horrified and immediately informed Penelope's mother of what she had seen. They

moved to Italy only three weeks later and I never heard from her again."

Real sympathy for the other woman wound around Tegan's heart in an empathetic squeeze. Though

her own mother hadn't been exactly thrilled at Tegan's own sexuality – she went on for years and

years after pulling the truth from Tegan's lips about the cruel society they lived in and her worry for

how others would treat her only child – she hadn't been anything but supportive. She could only

imagine the horror Sara had felt when her mother walked in. Assuming Sara felt anything.

"Oh, man." she grunted with as much sympathy as she allowed. "That's rough."

"It's been three years," One of Sara's shoulders lifted in a shrug. "It's water under the bridge."

Tegan rolled her eyes in annoyance. She didn't understand how Sara could let go of any resentment

or hurt feelings after her mother got her girlfriend sent away. Thirty years would pass and Tegan

would still stab it into every conversation with her mother if it were her.

They had found common ground in being gay, and even there they were vastly different. Where

Tegan was 'obviously gay' and wore her pride on her sleeve, Sara allowed people to assume she was

heterosexual until she wanted them to know otherwise. While Tegan laid girlfriends of various time

lengths on beds after days of planning and nervously sweaty palms, with the lights dimmed and soft

music playing, Sara was having dark and quick fucks in a coat closet with women she had only met

that night. Where Tegan was still bitter about a few horrible breakups and had spent those times in

tearful woe, Sara shrugged off the end with a dismissive wave of her hand.

She was unsurprised, however. They were never going to get along, not even in the topic of sexuality,

which Tegan had many experiences with and knew how closely it could bring people together. They

were too different of people.

"I quite like that you seem interested." The short heel of Sara's oxfords clapped against the floor as

her presence grew nearer. Tegan's arm hovered in the air where she was reaching for a spice, her

heart pausing. Sara's body heat lingered against her back as her breath grazed her neck. Her skin

tightened in heightened awareness, prickling with desire as pressure built between her legs while

Sara peeked into the pots behind her shoulder. "It's as if you care even the slightest." Her words

rolled over Tegan's neck in a heated puff of air and for one horrifying moment, Tegan contemplated

turning around and capturing those fucking cockily smirking lips in a hard kiss.

Throwing that damaging idea away, Tegan hastily gripped her spice and backed away from Sara's

body on clumsy feet, her shoes squeaking against the floor as she fell against the opposite cabinet.

"Well, I- uh…" She shook herself and tried to regain composure as Sara perked a brow. "I- you know,

don't."

Sara's lips hid in the depths of the mouth Tegan wanted to explore every inch of as she dropped her

eyes to the floor. "Ah." she muttered with a slow nod. "So, how many women have you slept with?"

Tegan's head felt too small for the quick shifts in conversation, her brain running to catch up with

the changes in topic that happened so abruptly with Sara. "That's private." she replied stiffly, as her

mind retrieved images of the beautiful faces she had been lucky enough to bed. There were only an

embarrassing few in her past as she had always been one to to take sex and relationships very

seriously, which Sara was fucking up without even knowing it.

Walking around Sara to reach the stove and tapping a light amount of spice into her sauce, Tegan

grumbled with renewed annoyance brought on by her thoughts, "You should go do something and

leave me alone. Surely you have more interesting things to do than talk to your cook at early noon.

I'm really busy and you're distracting me."

The room was silent after that and she waited to hear the retreating steps or snarky comment. But

the longer she stirred her sauce, the further the silence grew and she looked over her shoulder.

Sara was gone. The room was empty and the door was firmly shut despite Tegan not hearing it close.

Tegan turned back to the stove and stared in confusion down at the bubbles in her reddening sauce

before shaking her head and shrugging to herself. "Weird."


	8. Surprises

Strings of wet hair, shadowing the dark brown strands to an inky black, stuck to the wide curve of

Tegan's jaw and clung in disarray across her forehead. Varying sizes of water droplets rolled down

the arch of her long throat, making small detours down her straining tendons and pooling in the

rounded dip between her collarbones. Plump lips were parted a fraction, inhaling humid air and

expelling it in a harsh exhale. Her eyes were slammed shut, the thin skin crinkling around thick lashes

as hands clutched at the slick wall.

As the many shower heads caressed her scalp and abused her back, her legs were parted above the

particular spray she normally side-stepped to avoid. The multiple pulsating jets of powerful water

pounded against her clit like a thousand insistent fingers. Her hips rolled, forcing the water to run

over her sopping slit and roll over the length of her swollen button. Her body jerked in desperation,

her fingers clawing at the wall as she threw her head back and silently mouthed, "Fuck!"

Amidst the pleasure roaring through her body, her inhibitions lowered and her sense of the world

became about nothing but the quest to find a climax and ease her ache; professionalism shrunk into

a pea sized dot in the back of her mind as she feasted on the idea of Sara being in her position

instead.

She imagined Sara's pale body glistening and slick under the water, her skin reddening under the

spray. She groaned softly at the idea of Sara's jaw dropping and her eyes rolling into the back of her

head as she ground her hips with an expertise that Tegan lacked, having only tried this form of

getting off once. She wondered if Sara's bones would ease their weighted boulder and allow her to

move with ease she lacked when walking. She imagined water caressing pink, hard nipples and

leveraged herself with one hand on the wall while her other hand moved to touch herself the way

she imagined the water touching Sara. She squeezed the full flesh of her right breast before rolling

her nipple between two fingers, feeling the sparked pleasure shoot straight to her core.

She imagined Sara's hooded eyes meeting Tegan's from across the bathroom and begging Tegan to

come join her with a vulgarity that Sara had never spoken with in reality. That coherent fantasy only

lasted a moment as Tegan felt herself growing closer to the edge and what was once a well thought

out idea became nothing but splices of Sara's swaying breasts, pink tongue peeking out of parted lips

to catch water droplets, and flushed folds dancing over the water spray with curvy, surging hips.

With those flashes playing in an endless loop in Tegan's mind, she felt the build inside of her body

before it exploded. Her bones quaked and jerked away from the spray, as her hand released her

breast to slam over her open mouth and catch the low moan she couldn't stop.

She backed away from the water and slumped against the wall as she struggled to catch her breath,

rubbing her thighs together to prolong the tingling sensations still coursing through her body. She

rubbed her face and brushed the dots of water from her cheeks and the droplets stinging her eyes as

familiar guilt began to creep up her spine.

All of last night, Tegan's mind could not cease the endless awe of Sara being gay. She kept trying to

find clues during the duration of time spent in this home while simultaneously fantasizing of Sara

fucking different women. If Sara could lure straight women into her sexual clutch, she was sure to

have a few tricks up her sleeve to make a woman give in. Tegan could only imagine how amazing she

was in bed – or closet, she supposed – if she could keep someone who wasn't even attracted to

women with her for a short period.

And, despite everything that told Tegan it was a bad idea, she couldn't help but create multiple

different scenarios that always ended in the two of them toppling over in a jumble of limbs and

searching lips. But just because Sara was gay didn't mean she was even fractionally interested in

Tegan and she wasn't even sure she wanted Sara to be. Having some sordid affair with her would be

an awful idea, ranging from Tegan's career and her distaste for the idea of emotionless sex.

Shaking her head to herself, Tegan turned the water off and climbed out of the shower with shaky

legs and a numbness between her legs that wouldn't let her forget what she had just done.

With a small sigh, she dried off and got dressed before collecting her things and opening the door.

"You take abnormally long showers, Tegan Rain. Has anyone ever told you that?" Tegan jumped in

surprise as she nearly ran into Sara, who was standing just outside the doorway in a red cardigan

and tight gray jeans. "Despite being raised in a barn, you're quite cleanly. Admirable in its own way, I

suppose."

"How long have you been standing there?" Tegan asked, horrified by the embarrassed heat burning

in her cheeks.

"A while." Sara shrugged, reaching long fingers to tuck her wavy fringe behind her ear. Tegan eyed

her face and decided Sara looked far too calm for someone who had any clue of Tegan's

masturbatory habits; she hadn't heard a thing.

"Did you need to use the bathroom? I thought there was like, fifty bathrooms in this place. You

didn't have to wait for me to get out." Tegan muttered.

"The state of my bladder, though private, is quite comfortable." Sara responded with a shake of her

head and informed her, "I was waiting for you."

"Why?" Tegan blinked, peculiar.

"I want to show you something." Tegan's imagination went wild with those words and she clutched

her dirty pajamas and toiletry bag tighter between her fists.

"What is it?"

Sara's lips curled at one end, "It's a surprise."

Tegan rolled her eyes in aggravation. "Can I drop this stuff off in my room first?"

"Oh, of course." Sara nodded and, much to Tegan's surprise, trailed behind her as she walked down

the long hallway. "It wouldn't be very proper to carry your dirty undergarments around the house."

The flush in Tegan's cheeks intensified and she quickly dropped a hand to hide the black material of

the boxer briefs she had worn the day before, tucking it between her chest and forearm in a hurried

rush.

A soft, airy noise that sounded almost like a giggle sounded from behind her. She stopped in her

tracks and turned to Sara, who quickly paused her stride, to look at her with wide eyes. "Did you just

laugh?"

Sara's head rolled on her neck as a look of vague irritation clouded her features. "Why do you act so

surprised every time I do anything remotely human? Yes, Tegan Rain, I do have a sense of humor."

She shook her head and deadpanned, "Shocking."

Tegan raised both her eyebrows before turning away from Sara and pushing her bedroom door open.

She walked inside and dropped her bag on the dresser before discarding her dirty clothes in the

corner where Martin had instructed her to put anything that needed to be washed. She had given up

on insisting that she could do her own laundry.

"My fingers are itching to clean this room." Sara said from the doorway as her eyes roamed over the

unmade bed and small mountain of clothes in the corner. "How do you live in this disaster?"

"Would you yourself actually clean it or would you get someone to clean it for you?" Tegan snarked

as she stepped out of the room and closed the door.

Sara narrowed her eyes the slightest bit. "I clean my own room, thank you very much. I'm very tidy

and actually enjoy the process of making a room spotless." She ran her palms down the front of her

cardigan with the smallest scowl before turning abruptly on her heel. "Now, come this way before I

change my mind."

"Where are we going anyway?" Tegan asked, reluctantly following and dropping her eyes to watch

Sara's bum as she walked. "How can I be sure you're not leading me to the dungeons to get

slaughtered or something?"

"You're not worth the dungeons." Sara replied impassively, looking over her shoulder. Tegan looked

away from Sara's ass so quickly she was sure she would get whiplash, and Sara misinterpreted her

guilty look as an apology for her sardonic joke. "I'm only kidding, of course. We don't have the

dungeons. At least not since the incident, but we don't talk about that. Where do you think we kept

our past cook?" Tegan's eyebrows shot up her forehead and Sara's lips tugged into a small, closed-

mouth grin. "Kidding again."

"Obviously." Tegan rolled her eyes as they walked down the stairs.

"Is that uniform uncomfortable?" Sara asked as she led them past the main living area. She reached

out a hand and gripped the collar of Tegan's shirt between two fingers. "It's very stiff."

Tegan shrugged, "You get used to it. You should be able to wear something like this, since you're

always wearing those button-ups."

"Those blouses are created by the finest fashion designers around the world, Tegan Rain. They are

immensely comfortable. Not to mention, highly fashionable." Sara gave a smug smirk as they

approached white double doors at the end of a hallway Tegan was fairly sure she had never stepped

foot in. "The surprise is right through here."

Sara hurried ahead of Tegan to grasp both the golden knobs and twisted them back, pushing the

doors open with a flourish. She turned to Tegan and waved towards the dark room. "After you."

Feeling slightly cautious, Tegan hesitantly eyed Sara's patiently expectant eyebrow raise before

slowly stepping into the dark and chilled room. Lights were flicked on behind her, and after blinking

against the sudden intrusion, Tegan squinted around the room in amazement.

A sleek black grand piano stood proudly beneath the glistening lights, catching the shiny curved top.

The keys looked untouched; fresh and new despite the slightly aged, silver design swirling across the

front. A leather bound bench sat lowly before it, beckoning Tegan over and inviting her to play. She

stood still however, digging her fingers into her palm as she scanned the wide white floor and small

window exposing the morning sun and awakening tree limbs. A cello sat beneath the window sill,

the wood polished and the bow set aside. The room seemed to glisten under the low hanging

chandelier, bouncing off the floors and shooting light directly into Tegan's eyes no matter where she

placed them.

"I remember you telling me you were feeling slightly lost without your guitar, and we may not have

that particular instrument, but you said you played piano. I thought you might possibly want to

come in here when you're feeling particularly bored or desperate to flow your creativity." Sara

explained from behind her. "The walls are soundproof, so you won't have to worry about bothering

anyone."

Tegan looked over her shoulder at Sara, noting the almost sheepish hunch of her normally straight

shoulders. "Why are they soundproof?"

Sara walked past Tegan and stepped up to the piano, trailing her fingers inches from the curved side.

Her hand hovered, as if afraid to touch the surface and leave smudgy fingerprints. "Mother did not

enjoy listening to me practice as a child." She shrugged one shoulder and pursed her lips as she

looked back at Tegan loitering near the door. "She said she abhorred listening to the same repetitive

note."

Tegan frowned, but could not relate. Her own mother had sat beside her on the rickety old bench,

helping her through the process of learning and encouraging her with ice cream sundaes when she

accomplished particularly hard songs.

"I thought perhaps…" Sara trailed off and crossed her arms over her chest, unintentionally gaping

the dip of her black undershirt and exposing the smallest amount of cleavage to Tegan's searching

eyes. "You were boasting about how well you played. I thought that you might prove yourself and

demonstrate your fingering technique."

Tegan quirked a brow as she tried to ignore the images that invaded her mind and stepped up to her,

feeling a droplet of water slip from her damp hair and trail down the curve of her throat. She

watched Sara's eyes drop to follow the path before it disappeared between her collarbones and

beneath her uniform before speaking up. "Are you taking me up on my offer to have a piano-off?"

Sara's eyes found hers as she shook her head. "No, I was hoping to see you play. Not compete."

Tegan hummed in disappointment and looked past Sara to study the piano uncertainly. "I really

need to start breakfast."

"You have a two hours before breakfast must be served, cook." Sara's voice was flat as she turned

away from Tegan and settled down on one side of the bench, her back straight and her hands

clasped in her lap. Through the wavy dark curtain of her fallen fringe, she peered up at Tegan and

patted the empty spot beside her. Tegan's skin prickled as a rush ran down her spine at the almost

sultry invitation. "Sit and show me what you've got."

Sara said it as if she had little to show, smartly coaxing her into finding the thirst to prove herself.

Her eyes narrowed and a scowl grew in the pull of her mouth as Sara smirked up at her. Rising to the

bait, Tegan sat heavily next to Sara and cracked her knuckles in preparation. Sara watched her as her

bones creaked before giving another soft giggle as Tegan stared down at the keys in thought,

searching her mind for the most impressive song she knew to showcase her talent the best. Tegan

snapped her neck up at the sound, but as she was too late and Sara was already straight-faced once

again. It seemed she would never catch her in the act of smiling, but that feminine laugh was going

to drive her wild if Sara continued to do it.

Shaking herself back to the task at hand, Tegan dropped her fingers to the keys and began to play.

Sara faded out of her mind as she immediately grew lost in the music, watching her fingers find the

right key without thought. She swayed her head as the melancholy song she had written a few years

ago filled the room; there were lyrics included, but she didn't dare sing the passionate words of her

last heartbreak for Sara to mock.

She bit the piercing below her lip as she slammed her fingers into the keys, her heart picking up

speed from the sluggish, bored beat as she enjoyed herself for the first time since she arrived at the

Clement's. The only other time her heart picked up was when Sara shot static through her nervous

system, and that thought reminded her that she was not alone in the room.

Gently, she slowed the song to a stop. She lingered over the last note, letting in reverberate through

the still room before dropping her hands to her lap and turning to Sara with a satisfied grin. "See?

Skills."

Sara's eyes studied Tegan's face closely, her brows drawn in as if in deep thought and her bottom lip

trapped between her teeth. She was silent for a moment, looking between Tegan's quirked brows

and resting fingers before releasing her reddened lip. "I suppose I could be more embarrassed for

you than I am."

Tegan rolled her eyes and waved a hand to the piano, "If you're so much better than show me."

Sara gazed down at the eyes before slowly shaking her head. "Now is not the time." Tegan opened

her mouth to protest, but Sara spoke first, "What was that song? I didn't recognize it."

"I wrote it." Tegan responded in a small huff at how unbelievably stubborn Sara was.

"You write music?" Sara cocked her head in interest.

"Yeah, I've written songs." Tegan shrugged and dusting her fingers lightly across the keys. "Not many,

though."

"Do you sing as well?"

"Yes, but before you ask, I'm not doing that for you too. But I am good at it."

"Do you have any other unremarkable talents you claim to exceed in or is it simply cooking, piano,

and singing?" Sara questioned and Tegan felt familiar annoyance build beneath her temples.

"Oh, I exceed in all the talents I know I have, Sara." Tegan's words were meant to come out as

smugly and knowingly as she felt, but there was a subconscious flirting edge to her sentence and

horrified, she quickly added, "But you'll never get to see even half of them."

Sara's eyes were blank in response and for a moment Tegan almost felt a smidgen of odd guilt

before she shook it off in befuddlement. "So, do you play the cello?"

"No," Sara glanced to the instrument with a small shake of her head. "Mother tried desperately to

get me interested in it, but I lacked passion."

Tegan hummed with a small nod as a silence fell over them. Tegan couldn't decide if it was

comfortable or not, but she had no time to linger in that thought as the sound of the door creaking

open distracted her.

"Miss Rain? Miss Clement? I apologize for interrupting." Martin stood between the doors with that

same friendly smile that warmed Tegan's heart. "But the lady of the home is requesting Miss Rain's

presence in the formal dining hall."

Tegan swiveled around in her seat, her heart jumping with nerves. What could she possibly need?

Was she fired? Did she somehow know she was lusting after her daughter? Had she guessed the

terrible things she had imagined Sara doing to her? Did she know what she had done in the shower

only twenty minutes ago?

Her heart lodged its way up her throat as a spike of nervous lightening stormed in her gut. "I- I, um,

don't know where the formal dining hall is." she stammered, swallowing thickly.

"I'll show her the way, Martin." Sara offered curtly. "You can be off."

Tegan frowned, finding her dismissal rather rude, but Martin smiled softly at the other woman

before bowing shortly. "Best hurry, Miss." he advised and Tegan wasn't sure which person he was

speaking to.

As Martin disappeared, Tegan watched as Sara moved promptly to her feet, smoothing her cardigan

with a bitten lip. "Why does everyone act like your mum is just waiting for people to come to her

every beck and call?" she asked. "I mean, everyone moves so quickly when she's around."

"Because everyone is at her every beck and call, Tegan Rain." Sara answered seriously, her lips

turned down and her brow knitted. "No one keeps mother waiting. Come along."

Somehow, the formal dining hall was even more uppity than the rest of the house.

The scent of bleach stung Tegan's nose and watered at her eyes while she squinted past the shining

walls and sparkling floor. It's as if a group of cleaners had scrubbed every square inch of the long,

thin room - including the lengthy black table. Sara's mother stood in the corner, wiping one finger

across the window sill and holding it to her face with a dissatisfied purse of her lips.

Sara locked her wrists behind her back and softly cleared her throat to alert their presence. She kept

her eyes on the floor as her mother turned and spotted them near the open entrance.

"Ah." Mrs. Clement's heels snapped the floor as she walked swiftly towards them, wiping her fingers

together to rid them of microscopic dust. "Hello, Miss Rain. Did Sara show you the way?" She asked

as if Sara were not standing directly at Tegan's side.

Tegan side-glanced at Sara, who kept her head bowed. "Um, yes, ma'am. She did."

Mrs. Clement hummed under her breath, her eyes trained on Sara in a through inspection. Her lips

slid into her mouth as she slowly shook her head at Sara's still statue before turning back to Tegan. "I

have news for you, Miss Rain. We are holding a party tomorrow evening. It is a very special gathering

with every employer of my husband invited."

Tegan nodded, unsure of how she pertained.

"It will be a dinner party, of course. So I will need for you to prepare your best dish to impress the

guests. I will also require you to create hors d'oeuvres while they wait for dinner to be served." The

older woman continued and Tegan's heart jumped at the news. This is what she had been waiting

for; an opportunity to showcase her dishes to a huge group of people. If she did this right, a career in

the future was dead set. There would be no long nights of tossing and turning, worrying if she would

ever get hired. This would be the best possible thing to put on a resume, and would impress her

professors, gaining her the utmost respect in her culinary university and overshadowing her peers.

And though she loved her dear friends in class, they were indeed her competitors and if she had this

on her record, she was sure to beat them in the race for a job. "The guests will arrive at promptly six

o'clock and I will expect the hors d'oeuvres to be set out just before they get here. Dinner will be at

seven o'clock and that will need to be ready for Martin to serve a small time beforehand. Is that

doable for you, Miss Rain?"

Tegan nodded eagerly, her mind racing with ideas and preparing meals; she could almost smell the

scent of sizzling success already. "Yes. Yes, of course, Mrs. Clement. I can do that."

Mrs. Clement gave a tight smile and a pleased nod, her eyes flickering towards Sara. "It is a very

important event. Isn't it, Sara?"

Sara looked up for the first time since entering the room, and Tegan saw her clench her fingers

around her wrist with white knuckles behind her back as she confirmed softly, "Yes, mother."

Tegan looked between Sara's solemn gaze and her mother's penetrating stare with an anxious shift

of her weight.

"You may be off, Miss Rain." She said without breaking her intent stare from Sara. "Sara, I need a

word with you."

Tegan gave one last look at the tense relatives before turning around and quickly exiting the

suddenly uncomfortable air, focusing her mind on the most important thing: her job.


	9. Dinner Party Madness

Tegan was up bright and early, her mind running over recipes and itching for kitchen appliances. She

rushed through the silent morning, showering quickly and abusing her hair with the rough strokes of

a towel to dry the short locks. She dressed with fumbling fingers before exiting the bathroom as her

brain went over her mental menu for the hundredth time.

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't realize Sara was in the hallway until she felt

the cool chill of the other woman's hand seeping through the shoulder of her uniform.

"I was lucky to catch you before all the dinner party madness," Sara tugged lightly on Tegan's

shoulder, forcing her to follow and dragging her from her thoughts. "I was informed last night that

you need proper attire to wear tonight. We seem to be about the same size, so you shall wear my

clothes."

"Wait, what?" Tegan frowned in confusion as they approached Sara's bedroom door, "Why would I

need your clothes? I'll be wearing my uniform."

"The duration of time spent after cooking will involve mingling."

Tegan frowned, "Why would I do that? I was just going to come back up here-"

Sara paused in front of her door to look Tegan in the eye, and Tegan noted the small strain of

something tired and nervous around the skin of her lids. "You want them to remember you, do you

not? You want your name and face imprinted in their minds so the next time they need a cook or a

friend asks if they know of any, they'll think of you. Be a smart business woman, Tegan Rain, and

mingle with your potential employers tonight." Sara's hand dropped to the doorknob and she

twisted it open with a pompous, "And do it in style."

"Who says I don't have nice outfits?"

"I won't even dignify that with a response." Sara scoffed as she pushed her door open. She looked

over her shoulder, "Come along."

Tegan's feet froze. "In your… in your room?"

"That's where I keep my things. Where else would we go? Stop being dim and follow me."

Stepping inside the room Tegan had mentally stamped as 'danger zone', her feet felt heavy. It was if

she were approaching a pool of hungry alligators instead of Sara's bedroom. It felt forbidden.

Sara made a beeline to a closed door in the left corner of the room and disappeared inside of it while

Tegan loitered near the doorway. She took in a deep breath, capturing the scent of Sara she was

never close enough to catch; gentle cologne and something heavy and unexplainable. Tegan wasn't

sure if a smell could be attractive, but if so, Sara's was definitely high on the scale.

She slowly stepped inside and looked around as her curiosity sparked. A bedroom held secrets of

personalities and she would be lying if she said she didn't wonder what could be uncovered in Sara's

large room – a hell of a lot bigger than her own closet-room.

The walls were a deep red and settled in the middle of the back wall was a rounded window that

showed off the terrain of land in the backyard like a painting Emy would love to create. Just beneath

was a perfectly made bed in a black wood frame, as if it were not eight o' clock in the morning. The

two white pillows were fluffy, without the crease of a head shape, and the satin black sheets thick.

Two simple beside tables stood on either side of the bed, one with a lamp and the other stacked

with books and a glass of water. Across the room was a widescreen television mounted on the wall.

Tegan wished she could turn it on and catch up on all of her favorite shows. She missed TV.

The entire left and right walls of Sara's room were bookcases reaching from the ceiling to the floor.

Lined tightly across the long expanse were probably a thousand color organized books; some were

thick and old novels with spines falling apart and holing on by a mere thread, the titles imprinted in

gold lettering down the tattered bounds while others were shiny and new, titles bold and modern.

The left wall was littered in the rainbow of deep red, and bright orange spines while the right wall

was stacked in rich blue, deep green, and black books.

Tegan had never seen so many books. Not even in her town's library. If she wasn't already aware of

how much time Sara had on her hands, she would be baffled at how she found time to read so often.

No wonder she spoke with that odd dialect; she had absorbed so many words from different time

periods, picking up twisted slang and dipped the print into her skin, staining her tongue and

morphing her thoughts into a level Tegan could not reach.

Sara's expansive collection of books was unsettlingly sexy. As said book owner shuffled around her

walk in closet, Tegan busied herself with thoughts of pinning her against the tall line of books.

"So, how many straight women do you think you'll lure into a closet tonight?" she questioned,

tracing her finger across one random title resting on Sara's wall. Her voice was void of the envy she

felt for those lucky women.

Holding a red tie in one hand and thin black suspenders in the other, Sara appeared at her closet

door. "I always hope to find my way into a substantial amount of skirts at dinner parties. However, I

know in reality that tonight the only skirt I will be involved with is my own skirting of conversation."

Tegan's brows lowered as she tried to wrap her mind around that sentence. Sara disappeared back

into her closet. "Why are you going to be skirting conversation or whatever? What's different about

tonight?"

The room went silent and with Tegan's knowledge of Sara's elusive nature, she didn't wait around

for a reply she wouldn't receive. She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. She looked

out the window, watching the leaves shimmy in the wind outside. Her eyes drifted back to the bed,

trying to imagine Sara wearing pajamas and buried beneath the thick blankets while her mind

entertained her with dreams. She tried to imagine her with her hand making smart circles between

her thighs in the dark, legs splayed across the bedding and jaw dropped. She tried to think of nothing

at all because becoming aroused so early in the important day would just be annoyingly and

destructively distracting. There was too much riding on today for her to be thinking of riding Sara.

"Do you look decent in mauve, Tegan Rain? I can't decide if a red tie or mauve tie would work

better."

Tegan blinked. "Uh."

There was a small pause before Sara's monotone voice drifted from the closet, "You have no idea

what mauve is." It wasn't a question.

"Uh," Tegan scratched her damp locks and pushed her fringe across her forehead. She searched her

mind only to come up empty-handed and gave a helpless shrug to the vacant bedroom. "Like…

yellow?"

"No." A light sigh was just loud enough for Tegan to pick up on. "Not even remotely. I suppose we

should just go with red then."

She walked out of the closet with a skinny red tie and held it out for Tegan to grab. "Hold this."

Tegan took the tie and watched as Sara disappeared back into the closet once more. She reappeared

a beat later, carrying a load of black clothing in her arms which she dropped carefully on her bed.

She spread the clothing out, lying each article down and smoothing the creases and straightening

the arms and legs of each respective piece before stepping back. She flourished her arm over the

bed, presenting the choices to Tegan with the smallest grin. "What do you believe will look least

atrocious on you?" Her eyes scanned down Tegan's body slowly, taking in her wide hips and ample

chest with a purse of her lips. Tegan shifted uncomfortably on her feet, rocking her heels against the

floor and cramping her toes together as she wished she was wearing something a lot less frumpy

and heaps more appealing than her boxy uniform. "These choices are so well made, though. Not

even your body can ruin them."

Tegan's face twisted into a scowl. "How do you know these'll even fit me? You're a shrimp."

With the tug of a smirk on her lips, Sara calmly turned back to inspect the clothes. "We're the same

height, Tegan Rain. If I am to be a shrimp, as are you. The only difference in our body types is your

child bearing hips and larger breasts. Everything will fit just fine."

Her eyes wide, Tegan stared at the angle of Sara's jaw while the other girl was distracted. She

swallowed thickly as nervous heat built over the skin of her neck. "You've noticed my hips and…

breasts?"

"Yes, Tegan Rain. I do have working eyes." Sara cocked her head to the side as her eyes roamed over

a stiff blazer with a small scrunch of her nose. "We'll need something that will hide your tattoos.

Let's go ahead and bypass this blazer, though. I don't like it."

But Tegan was still stuck on Sara's admission. She had noticed these very feminine parts of Tegan's

body, but the question of her liking in both areas was unanswered. Tegan's body had been flat and

dipless until midway through her sixteenth year of life. It felt as if she had woken one morning with a

new curve in her waist and breasts that threatened to pop the buttons of her once fitted plaid

button ups. Much to her dismay, she had to throw out all her old bras and was forced to buy a whole

cup size larger. She had whined and complained for years after, abhorring the womanly shape to her

once boyish figure. She had crowned herself a tomboy long ago, and the inability to deny the

tightening of her jeans on her thighs and waist alongside the inconvenient mounds on her chest that

caught the unwanted attention of drooling teenage boys had been a hard road to walk down. Her

breasts were not large by society's standards and her hips weren't ridiculous, but in her eyes at

sixteen they were gigantic. Accepting her body as it was had taken a few years, but eventually Tegan

grew quite fond of her hourglass shape and enjoyed the admiration in women's eyes even more.

The fact that Sara had taken a notice - whether it was because she was indeed a human with the

ability to take in the hints of another person's physique or because she was consciously looking as a

lesbian - sent a thrill down her spine. She wondered what Sara's type was, and if she salivated at the

idea of wide hips and the stretch of a shirt over a plump chest. If she did, she couldn't help but

entertain the idea that Sara observed her hips swaying when she walked the way Tegan's own eyes

watched Sara's.

She stared as Sara studied the clothing with a bitten lip.

"How about…" Sara spoke up suddenly, picking up a crisp black button down and handing it to

Tegan's fumbling hands without a glance her way. "That blouse and this vest," Sara thrusted a black

vest with gray pin strips into her arms before adding a pair of straight-legged trousers to the pile.

"And these pants."

Tegan looked down at the clothes in her arms and begrudgingly admitted that Sara had amazing

taste. She was sure she owned this exact outfit at home on a much smaller budget. "I don't think I

have a choice."

Sara's eyes seemed to brighten as she released that airy giggle from yesterday and for the first time,

Tegan actually caught her smile in the process. Her breath caught in her throat, strangling her lungs

and burning at her gaping eyes. Her knees weakened and her fingers shook around the ironed

clothes in her arms. The stretch of Sara's full lips over the two rows of imperfect teeth was startling

as it brightened her entire face, pronounced her high cheek bones, and heightened her eyebrows up

her forehead. She was beautiful as a coyly smirking asshole, but her smile and giggle made her

absolutely stunning.

"You're learning." Sara teased. She turned back to the bed to critique her choices one last time.

Tegan swallowed past the lump in her throat, replaying the image of Sara's smile; she had literally

stolen Tegan's breath. Wow. She really hoped Sara wanted to have sex much as she did and she

really wished she didn't work for Sara's parents.

"Yes, I think that outfit will do." Sara gave an assured nod and turned back to Tegan. "As long as

you're wearing this and reign in certain parts of your personality, no one should suspect that you're

not as wealthy as them." Tegan gave an affronted frown, to which Sara smirked. "Search that brain

of yours for an even marginally extended vocabulary, stand straight, and don't glower. You should

do fine as along as you follow my directions."

"Why do I feel like I'm entering some sort of life threatening competition? Is this The Hunger

Games?" Sara's eyes went blank at Tegan's joke. "Seriously? All these books and you haven't read

The Hunger Games?"

Sara plucked one brow and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'll be sure to add that to my to-do list."

With a roll of her eyes, Tegan adjusted the clothes in her arms. "So, what's so important about

tonight? That's what your mom said, right? Tonight's like, super important or something?"

Sara's shoulder seemed to droop the slightest fraction and her arms tightened across her chest. "It's

not. Not really." she deflected cagily before releasing a low sigh and tucking her fringe behind her

ear with a purse of her lips. "To mother it is, but… Don't you have some cooking to begin, Tegan

Rain?"

"Fine, don't tell me." Tegan rolled her eyes and walked to the door, twisting the doorknob and

opening the room up to the hallway. "I'll find out eventually anyway."

If it were not for the fact that she had been informed by Martin, Tegan wouldn't have a clue that the

party was in full swing. There was no thrumming music or loud conversations over vibrating beats,

no drunken challenges to chug beer, no girls making out in the shadowed corners while everyone

else humped to the music. Instead there was light chatter that she could barely hear with every

swing of the kitchen door while Martin went back and forth to present her hors d'oeuvres.

This was definitely not the type of party she was used to as a college student. The only dinner party

she had ever been to had been located in her apartment with blasting music coming from her iPod

as she cooked pizza. Emy and Sarah had made out on the counters and stole tiny slices of cheese

while laughing when she smacked their hands with a spatula. She wasn't sure if that counted.

Standing over the oven with sweat building at her brow and her stomach knotted, Tegan gave a soft

sigh. She really fucking missed her friends and the laid back atmosphere of her home. She couldn't

wait to go back in one and a half weeks.

Shaking herself and turning back to the task at hand, she began to portion her finished dinner into

equally poured bowls of creamy soup. She sprinkled each with a precise measurement of spices and

set the bowls on the back counter for Martin to grab. She then began the task of portioning the main

dish of ricotta cheese filled noodle shells and set the plates aside. She tossed the giant bowl of salad

to mix vegetables and dressing, cut small pieces of garlic bread, and doused the main dishes with a

swirl of her red sauce.

She checked the presentation of her plates, swiping a cloth napkin over the sides to make sure no

residue stuck to the party-goers pristine fingers. She nibbled on her piercing and looked over her

final products before checking the progress of dessert.

"The guests are gushing over the pineapple cups, Miss Rain." Martin stepped into the kitchen with a

beaming grin. "Quite a few people are enjoying the rice croquettes as well."

Tegan felt a rush of relief take an inch of weight off her shoulders and she turned to him, returning

his wide grin. "Oh, awesome!" she breathed. "The soup and salad is ready whenever you are, Martin.

So is the main dish and dessert should be ready any minute now." she rambled nervously.

"I'll grab those dishes now. Everything looks mouthwatering. You needn't worry, Miss. You're doing

a magnificent job."

Tegan's grin softened into a sweet smile for the elder man. "Thank you, sir."

"Sir," he scoffed with a small chuckle as he collected the bowl of salad. He gave her a small smile

before disappearing out the door.

She drizzled her crepes with chocolate sauce one-by-one, adjusting the strawberries and fixing the

wraps. She looked over their presentation with a pleased nod before setting it aside for Martin. She

turned off the stove and made sure she had everything finished and to her satisfaction before

walking out of the kitchen.

She could hear the murmur of conversation and sparse laughter coming from the formal dining hall

as she hurried up the stairs to change.

Sara's button down was a bit snug around her chest with a familiar gap between the two buttons

restraining her breasts (she placed her tie over the opening in hopes that no one downstairs would

notice) and the waistband of Sara's jeans dug uncomfortably into her jutting hipbones, but both

materials fit almost to perfection on Tegan's body. The material of her top was soft in ways Tegan

had never felt in her own clothing and fit loosely around her stomach and with the sleeves rolled up

to her wrists, her tattoos were hidden from judgmental eyes. Her trousers clung to her thighs and

bum tightly, the hemming at the legs reaching her Doc Martins where she rolled the ankles up so she

didn't step on the pants. Sara would no doubt murder her if she ruined her borrowed clothing.

Tegan looked in the mirror and deducted that she looked fairly good and could fit in as closely as

possible with her haircut and labret piercing. She ran a quick brush through her hair and ruffled her

bangs, leaning into the mirror until her nose grazed the glass to assess how tired she looked.

Deciding she looked decent, she stood back and looked herself up and down. Everything looked

pressed and nicely fitted, but one thing stood out to her searching eyes.

"Muffin top." She growled like a villain in the climax of a film snarling 'you again'. She adjusted the

waist of her jeans up higher on her hips and tugged at the button down. She struggled with the

clothing with small grunts until throwing her arms up in defeat when no matter what she did, the

skin of her waist pouted out of her tight jeans the slightest bit. She straightened her vest and hoped

it would protect the embarrassing stretch of skin beneath her top. "Goddamn fucking muffin top."

she grumbled to herself and exited the bathroom.

She had taken long enough making dessert and primping in the bathroom for the guests to be done

eating. She descended down the stairs, her nerves tight in her stomach at the sight of high class men

and women dressed to perfection. They all held wine glasses as they chatted with words of business

Tegan didn't understand and laughs that sounded forced and fake. Martin was walking through the

thick crowd, offering his services and refilling wine glasses.

She spotted Sara's mom and dad talking with a tall, burly man and thin brunette in one corner of the

room. Mr. Clement had his arm around Mrs. Clement's shoulders, but they looked anything but a

happy couple. They were speaking quickly with their brows lowered seriously while the man and

woman they spoke to nodded tersely at their words.

Tegan searched the crowd for the most familiar face and after scoring the same number of strangers

a few times, she finally spotted Sara in the very middle of the room. Heat grew in her center at the

mere sight of her and she swallowed a groan of intense frustration rising in her throat.

Sara was holding the stem of a glass of red wine between elegant fingers, conversing with a woman

Tegan recognized as Stacy and a short, well-groomed man with round glasses and light beard. Her

hair was gelled artfully back, exposing the smooth plane of her forehead and two thin, quirked

brows. She wore a fitted gray blazer, the collar popped over the long arch of her neck, over a white

button down. Her black trousers were tight even from Tegan's distance; her shirt tucked into the

waist and held up by a red belt that matched Tegan's tie almost to perfection. Her mouth was

stained slightly from her wine and set into a deep frown as Stacy spoke with wild hand gestures and

the man beside her nodded to whatever it was she was saying.

The words 'mega babe' floated through Tegan's brain as she walked down the last few steps of the

staircase and stuffed her hands into her pockets uncomfortably. She was totally out of her element

and unfortunately, no eyes were narrowing in on her for conversation. Tegan did not blossom in

silence. When push came to shove, she could charm anyone with her words. She was friendly, funny,

and a bit of a chatter box no matter how insecure she felt in situations and all of those things came

out of her when necessary. If she wanted these people to like her, she could not do it by loitering

near the stairs in nervous silence. They were sure to notice her weakness like lions to a poor animal

lower on the food chain, but not if she spoke. If she spoke, she could trick them into believing she

was one of them and that she was meant to be there just as much as they were. Talking was her

strong suit.

Slowly, she breached the crowd, sending polite smiles to anyone she connected eyes with. They

looked her up and down, clearly trying to figure out who she was and why they didn't recognize her.

She heard a few men teasing a woman called Margaret for her golfing technique and gulped. This

was all a bit too heterosexual for her. She probably stuck out like a big, gay sore thumb. No wonder

Sara chose to hide behind the smokescreen of assumed heterosexuality within a group of people like

this.

Tugging on her tie, she resisted the urge to check out a few round bums in tight skirts and kept her

eyes firmly ahead as she walked aimlessly through the crowd. She wondered absently how many of

those bums Sara had touched in coat closets – how many of these women had the pleasure of

knowing what it was like to be touched by Sara Clement?

Wandering around like a lost puppy, her heart picked up an anxious speed and she could see the

beat of the nervous muscle in her eyes. Her feet begged to turn around and run upstairs to the

safety of her bedroom until everyone left while the vein in her neck throbbed in an alarming speed.

She felt foolish, like a kid in school with no friends at lunchtime. It was an unfamiliar feeling for

Tegan, who had always been surrounded by friends on the playground. It was wretched and her

fingers tightened around her tie, wrinkling the silk.

"Here, Miss Rain," Martin appeared at her side, holding a glass of bubbling white wine out to her.

"You've had a long day of hard work. I believe you deserve this."

She took the glass with a murmur of thanks before drowning the liquid in one gulp, hoping the

alcohol would ease her discomfort. Martin gave a low chuckle and quickly refilled the glass with a

reassuring smile before disappearing as quickly as he appeared.

She clutched the glass in her sweaty palm and nursed her drink, swishing the liquid around her

mouth with her tongue. She was counting down the hours until she could escape when she heard

the familiar call of her name, "Tegan Rain?"

Having never expected to feel relieved for Sara's annoying use of her full name, Tegan turned quickly

on her heel and followed the sound of the other woman's voice until she was standing awkwardly

next to Stacy.

"Adam, this is Tegan Rain. She was the cook tonight." Sara introduced to the bespectacled man, who

gave Tegan a smile and shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Adam."

"Nice to meet you as well, Tegan. You created a marvelous dinner tonight. I especially loved the

soup." he praised.

Tegan ducked her head bashfully and grinned brightly up at him through her lashes, "Thank you."

"And you know Stacy, Tegan Rain." Sara piped up, glancing towards Adam with a small squint in her

eyes as if she hadn't wanted him to speak.

"Yes, hi!" Tegan smiled at the taller woman, who was dressed in a pretty red dress stitched in at the

waist with black lace. Her long wavy hair was pinned back with a shiny clip on the side of her head

that glittered beneath the lights as she looked Tegan up and down with a raised brow. Eyes dusted in

dark makeup blinked in surprise.

"Is that… are you wearing Sara's clothes?"

Tegan self-consciously placed the tie over the gap of buttons and nibbled on her bottom lip as she

nodded the affirmative. "Yes, I-"

"She hadn't thought to bring nicer clothing for her stay here, Stacy. She had to borrow my own for

tonight." Sara interrupted swiftly, her eyes trained on the other woman in a silent conversation

between friends that as an outsider, Tegan could not follow. "She cleans up half decent, I suppose.

My clothes deserve some sort of award for that task."

"I bet I wear your clothes better than you do." Tegan shot back lightly with a roll of her eyes.

Sara gave a disbelieving chuckle, raising her glass to her lips. "Oh, Tegan Rain. You wish." She spoke

around the cup before taking a sip, reminding Tegan that she had her own drink.

Taking a much bigger gulp of her own wine, Tegan gave Sara a small smirk. "I don't have to wish for

what's true." She tossed back the last of her wine. "The proof is standing right in front of you."

Adam and Stacy shared a bewildered look that Tegan did not miss as Sara shook her head with a low

chuckle of amusement at Tegan's snark. Tegan opened her mouth to question their confusion when

the sound of a fork hitting a glass distracted the room.

"Attention!" Sara's mother called out to the crowd.

From the corner of her eye, Tegan watched Sara's facial expression drop as she turned to the front

of the room with a tight jaw. Tegan lifted herself to her tiptoes to try and see above the heads

standing tall above her short frame. She caught a brief flash of Sara's mother setting her glass down

before a man shifted and blocked her view once more. "First off, I would like to thank you all for

coming tonight."

A few people clapped politely and Tegan quirked a brow, pursing her lips to hide her smirk of

amusement. She really didn't understand rich people.

"We all know that tonight marks the twenty-first year of my daughter, Sara's life." Mrs. Clement

continued. Tegan turned to Sara with wide eyes. This was a fucking birthday party? Why in the fuck

would Sara not tell her that earlier in her room? "But what not all of us know is something more

important is also occurring."

While Tegan was struck by that unmotherly comment, she looked around the room for a table of

gifts. She looked around the thin bodied women and plump bellied men, but there was no sign of

birthday presents.

"Sara, come up here."

Sara's shoulders grew tight as she handed over her wine glass for Stacy to hold. Stacy took the glass

and gave Sara a small pat on the shoulder as the crowd parted to allow Sara through. Tegan knitted

her brows in confusion as she watched this all play out.

There was a murmur of commotion in the front of the room and while Tegan struggled to catch sight

of anything to give her a hint, Stacy drew in a sharp breath beside her. Tegan looked over to her, but

Stacy's eyes were trained straight ahead with the advantage of her height and high heels.

"Hello, everyone. My name is Rob Chursinoff as most of you know. Sara and I have known each

other since we were in diapers," an unfamiliar male voice spoke up. "She is a very interesting

character who has always taken my interest. We've spent years together in friendship and tonight, I

would like to extend that."

The crowd ahead of Tegan roared with soft whispers of shock as Stacy's grip on Sara's glass grew

tighter. Tegan peeked around the man's shoulder in front of her and felt her eyes bug out of her

head.

A man with short brown hair and a long face was on one knee in front of a still Sara. He reached

forward and took her hand in his own clasp, and just the image of a man holding Sara's hand felt off.

She had only just recently learned of Sara's sexuality and yet it was already so ingrained in her that

she shuddered uncomfortably at the sight.

"Sara Clement, would you do me the honor of being my wife?"

The room went completely silent. Everyone's attention was trained on Sara, who seemed frozen.

Her eyes flickered to her mother, standing off to the side with an expectant tilt of her chin. They

then found her father, who simply gazed back at her with a look Tegan didn't understand. Sara's

neck jerked as she looked back down at Rob before looking out to the crowd. Her eyes searched the

many faces of what Tegan assumed to be her father's employers before resting on Stacy and Adam.

They looked back at her helplessly in response.

Tegan found herself on the end of that stare suddenly. Sara's eyes were dark and squinted against

the light, her mouth in a tense line and forehead scrunched up the slightest bit. Tegan looked back at

her with – no doubt – a thousand questions ranging across her face. She felt so unbelievably lost.

Had Sara been lying about her sexuality to grow closer to Tegan and learn all her secrets? If so, that

had definitely not worked, as Tegan had refused to open up. But why would she do that; to tell her

parents incriminating details of her past to get her fired, maybe?

That seemed doubtful. On top of that too, was knowing Sara's sexuality came with the realization

that it was clear as day. Sara was obviously gay, so surely she would not marry this man. Surely she

would not enter a loveless marriage. Was this an arranged marriage, had Tegan been right about

that offhanded comment to Emy? Had Sara known about this and that was why she had been

arguing with her mother and seemed so worried in her own way this morning?

Tegan's mind ran with curiosity as Sara stared back at her and a few people in the crowd noticed.

Just as people were beginning to turn around to catch sight of what Sara was trained on, she looked

away and back to Rob.

"Rob, I…" Sara trailed off. Her voice was strained. Tegan had never heard her falter before. Her

shoulders were stiff with resolve as she shook her head. "I… politely decline your offer of marriage."

So many gasps were uttered at the same time that all the air seemed to be sucked up from the room

and suddenly Tegan could not breathe. She looked rapidly between Sara's tense face and her

mother's suddenly deadly glower, stunned. She looked to her left and saw Stacy slowly shake her

head in marveling disbelief, dropping her hand holding Sara's glass to her side as if all the muscles in

her body had gone lax. The crowd erupted in whispers as Rob slowly stood, his face red with

embarrassment as he released his grip on Sara's hand. Across the room, Tegan caught sight of

Martin's sad eyes peering up at the front of the room with a concerned twist in his lips.

Suddenly Tegan felt like an intruder on a moment she did not deserve to witness and as everyone

was distracted by the shock of what had just transpired, she crept through the crowd. She shouldn't

be here.

"I can't believe Sara denied Rob-"

"-an absolute embarrassment to both families-"

"-look at the poor boy's face-"

"I heard she was a homosexual, but I never expected it to be true-"

"-poor Evelyn, to raise a child who denies marriage is the biggest failure a parent can endure-"

On a whim, Tegan snatched a full bottle of wine from the back table and rushed out of the room as

Mrs. Clement cleared her throat and began to diffuse the tension.

The pool rippled around Tegan's feet as she stared up at the dark sky, lightly dotted in twinkling stars.

Sara's vest was discarded next to a nearly empty bottle of wine, carefully folded next to Tegan's

shoes and socks. Her mind was in a haze of intoxicated questions as she ran over the scene she had

witnessed for the millionth time. She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting out in the backyard,

but the wind was warm and the atmosphere peaceful unlike the mansion and that's all that really

mattered to Tegan.

She loosened her tie and rested her palms behind herself to hold up her weight as she threw her

head back and closed her eyes. She had no idea what to think of what had happened inside, but she

knew one thing: it was crazy. She had been able to come up with words of shock and confusion

before she had practically inhaled a whole bottle of wine by herself on top of the wine she had

consumed in the party, but now her mind was just stuck in surprise.

Shit was crazy in the Clement's home. That's really the only conclusion she could come up with in

the moment.

"Tegan Rain. Hello."

Tegan's eyes snapped open as she peered up at Sara, who stood above her with her own bottle of

nearly empty wine. "Sara!" she gasped, her own voice slurred. "You- you said no to that dude and

everyone was freaking out."

"I know." Sara responded dully, slowly sitting down cross-legged next to Tegan. She rested her bottle

of wine between her legs and dropped her head forward with a soft sigh. The curve of her neck was

defeated, reminding Tegan of someone who had successfully exited a war, but not without acquiring

battle wounds. "I know."

"Was that like, an arranged marriage? Did you just say no to an arranged marriage?" Tegan lifted her

bottle of wine to her lips and swallowed a few droplets. "You've got balls."

Sara scoffed lightly as she raised her head to look at Tegan with slightly unfocused eyes. "Seeing as

though we are not in the middle ages, Tegan Rain, no. I did not just deny an arranged marriage."

"Then what happened? Who was that dude?"

"It wasn't an arranged marriage, but it was… planned. Rob and I have known for many years that our

parent's wanted us to betrothal. In families like ours, we don't marry for love. We marry for status

and money. We marry into families that are equal in status as our own. Rob's father and my father

own the same level of companies, so we've known since we were teenagers that we were going to

be coerced into marrying. Rob didn't want to marry me as much as I didn't want to marry him. I

might have embarrassed him, but I did him a favor in the long run." Sara's lisp was heavy from her

alcohol and her words strung together, but Tegan got the gist of what she was saying.

"That's awful." She muttered sympathetically, but Sara shrugged carelessly.

"It's not a big ordeal. It's been occurring for centuries. Rob is quick to follow any demands his

parent's desire and I knew he would follow this particular expectation. But I also knew that I would

rather die than be in a marriage like my parent's own. The only ordeal is that I said no tonight." Sara

took a sip of her wine and swallowed thickly. "The only reason I'm not being shouted at is that we

have guests over and mother would never ruin her reputation by humiliating herself to chide me. I'm

going to be in an immense amount of trouble tomorrow, however, so I thought… why not get

completely inebriated?"

"Wow." Tegan blinked as her alcohol-addled mind tried to catch up and take in all of that

information. "Still… you've got balls."

Sara shook her head. "Your use of the word balls is disconcerting."

"Your ability to still speak like you're an old vampire while shit-faced is weird to me." Tegan

responded with a light chuckle.

Sara gave that soft giggle. Tegan felt herself drifting closer to catch sight of that breath-taking smile.

"You're so-" The words froze in her throat as some distant sober part of her brain ran headlong in

front of the compliment and threw it back into the secretive depths of her mind.

"So, what?" Sara questioned, cocking her head to the side.

Tegan shook her head and shot Sara a wide, goofy grin. "Ballsy."

Sara shook her head again before turning to gaze up at the stars. The moonlight caught her perfectly

styled hair and the night shadowed her sharp jaw. Tegan had to look away.

"So, can I ask you about your mum?"

Sara gave a small shrug. "What about her?"

"Like… you know. What's up with her?"

"That is a loaded question, but I will try and explain." Sara breathed. "Mother… expects the best. She

was raised with the best and now believes to the fullest that she deserves it all and more. She

realized very early on when I was a child that I was not the best-"

"How?" Tegan asked. Sara seemed like a model daughter. "How are you not the best for her?"

Sara blinked. She looked at Tegan as if she had never asked herself that question. It seemed as if no

one had ever bothered to ask her such a thing. "I… mother has her reasons. I suppose I just never

lived up to her standards even as an infant. She tried to conceive again for a better child, but learned

she could not have another and the fact that she had me was a miracle in itself. Mother did not

agree that I was a miracle, however and she was quick to tell me just that whenever I would drop my

juice or accidentally knock over a vase." Sara's voice was low as she stared into at the lit up pool.

"No matter how hard I tried as a child, I just couldn't seem to meet her standards. I always did

something wrong. I could never please her and the moment she stumbled upon Penelope and I, she

seemed to have completely given up on me. Homosexuality in this life, Tegan Rain, is taboo. If you're

a homosexual, you are shunned or forced into a marriage with the opposite sex anyway. Your

happiness does not matter. Mother tried to act as if it never happened so others would not pick up

on hints. She treated me like a pariah and I gave up on trying to please her. I realized I was trying to

do the impossible. Mother will never-" Sara went silent for a long moment. "Mother will never be

pleased with me so why should I marry a man for her liking? I don't wish to live in a ruse of a

marriage like hers."

Tegan felt a large douse of sympathy for the other woman and her voice was soft as she asked, "And

your dad? What about him?"

"Father is a doormat." Sara replied without hesitation. "He does what mother wants. He never

speaks his mind. He simply works and comes home to sleep in our house in a different room than

mothers, but this is not a home to him and that is why he's never here. This is simply a place he is

forced to stay. I pity him, honestly. He would be so much happier if he had done what I did tonight

and said no to his parent's wishes. But he will never speak up and utter his displeasure."

Tegan's hand hovered in the air uncertainly for a moment before gently lying on Sara's cool hand

resting on her thigh. Alcohol always did make her a little touchy and a bit emotional.

"You're… you're brave, Sara." she admitted quietly. Sara looked over to her with sadness etched in

her eyes that pained Tegan no matter how much she disliked Sara when sober. "Far braver than me.

I'd probably keep trying if I was you and it would make me miserable. You're… you are ballsy. I was

right." She didn't know where this was coming from. Maybe it was the empathy of another queer's

struggle or maybe the wine was allowing her to shake off predispositions and treat Sara the way she

would anyone else. It was probably a mix of both, she decided. She had once hung off the shoulders

of a man she had met that night, listening to his sob story of a terrible breakup and informing him

loudly of how cool he was and how much he didn't need his ex-boyfriend after drinking a bit too

much tequila.

Sara shook Tegan's hand off her own carefully before raising it to lightly cup Tegan's cheek. Tegan's

heart shot out of her body at the cold touch. Sara was looking at her with something she had seen in

other women's faces, but never expected to see in Sara. Her eyes were clouded from the wine, but

she knew what she saw. And she knew what was about to happen; she knew what that searching

gaze and parting of lips meant.

Every logical piece of her that existed had shriveled into microscopic shadows while she drank, but

they jumped back into action as Sara leaned forward. Tegan wanted to push her away. She should

have pushed her way.

But she didn't.

Instead her body tightened with anticipation as she watched the full, wine stained lips she had been

obsessing over for nearly a month as they drifted closer. She stared in awe as Sara's eyelids fluttered

and her eyes peered back at her. She allowed her heart to skip and jump excitedly and felt her

stomach explode with butterflies.

She closed her eyes at the first touch of Sara's lips on hers. This was not how she imagined kissing

Sara. Underneath the moonlight with her feet submerged in the pool and alcohol warming her belly,

it felt like a proper first kiss. The pressure Sara settled on her lips was soft and almost sweet. She

placed Tegan's bottom lip between her two while her fingers cradled Tegan's cheek in her chilled

palm. She kissed with the utmost precision she spoke with, yet holding hints of her lisp by

uncontrollable delicacy. There was nothing rushed or hurried about the way they kissed, unlike

Tegan's fantasies of coldly smashing lips and urgent teeth tugging. This was all warm slid of lips and

light sucks; this was better than she imagined.

She leaned into Tegan, her fingertips brushing the soft skin of her cheek before slipping into the

baby hairs on the back of her neck. She held her in place, taking control as Tegan kissed back with

stunned lips. Sara's wet and hot tongue touched her bottom lip and Tegan's eyes rolled into the back

of her head as it traced every inch of each lip.

After allowing Sara to explore her lips, she opened her mouth in invitation to investigate her mouth

just as thoroughly. Sara's tongue dipped into her mouth without missing a beat and Tegan could not

hold back the soft moan itching up her throat. Sara even tasted elegant, but to be fair that might be

the wine Tegan tasted. That thought hit her like a freight train as reality hit her head on.

Sara Clement's tongue was in her mouth. Oh, hell yes.

Her own tongue lay still as Sara roamed through her mouth before she couldn't take it anymore and

flicked Sara's tongue in a playful hope to make out properly. Luckily, Sara rose to the bait and traced

her tongue over Tegan's before swirling around the muscle and sucking it between her lips.

Tegan moaned again, her voice breathy as Sara sucked her tongue and gently ran perfectly clipped

fingernails down the nape of her neck. She melted against Sara and wrapped her own arms around

Sara's shoulders, tugging her closer. Sparks of heat tingled between her legs as Sara's tongue rolled

and flicked in her mouth before disappearing back into her own. She molded their lips together in a

soft stitch before slowly breaking the kiss with a light smack.

Tegan subconsciously chased her lips before she came back to reality and opened her eyes with a

dazed blink. Sara was looking back at her with large pupils as she licked her own lips.

"I've had the desire to do that for quite a while." Sara admitted in a whisper.

Tegan dragged her teeth over her bottom lip, still holding Sara's taste and tinging maddeningly. "Did

I disappoint?" she husked lowly. She was flirting and this time around, she didn't stop herself.

"Absolutely not." Sara's mouth curled into a small smile, red with kisses and wine.

Tegan beamed, smiling gummily at the other woman. Sara's eyes roamed over her face before she

grabbed her wine and took a long chug.

"Everyone should be leaving soon. We should go inside to avoid having to converse. Especially

myself. Would you like me to show you a way inside to our hall without running into anyone?"

"Ooh, a secret passageway?" Tegan prompted with intrigue.

Sara chuckled as she stood on slightly shaky limbs. "Not exactly. Come along, Tegan Rain."

Tegan struggled to stand, teetering on her feet as a rush flooded over her head. She shook herself

with a woozy groan as she collected her wine bottle, Sara's vest, and her shoes before stumbling

after Sara's retreating back.

They entered a backdoor Tegan had never noticed and she could hear the conversations of strangers.

Sara turned to her with a finger over her mouth to warn her to be silent as they crept past a hall of

people and rushed up a flight of thin stairs Tegan had never seen. The moment they were upstairs,

Tegan realized they were in the hallway of their bedrooms and blinked in confusion.

"The fuck?"

"My preferred way of detour." Sara explained.

"Maybe that staircase will make sense when I'm sober." Tegan responded with a chuckle a little too

loud in the home. She silenced herself with a small cringe.

Sara turned to her as they stepped up to her door. She opened the door and turned to Tegan with a

small nod her head. "Well, good night, Tegan Rain."

"Oh. Yeah. Night." Tegan blinked at the abrupt departure. She flushed as she realized that she was

waiting for a goodnight kiss as if they were standing on her doorstep after a first date. "Oh and…

happy birthday, Sara."


	10. Shunned

A room brightly lit by the yellow morning sun showed no signs of life but the messy tufts of dark hair

peeking just above the fluffy blanket settled haphazardly on the bed. A throaty groan broke the long

silence as the blankets were kicked messily to the floor. Tegan's small body rolled dangerously to the

edge of the bed as she settled on her back and slapped a hand over her closed eyes.

She rubbed the sleep from the corner of her eyes with her knuckles, exploding swirling colors behind

her lids. She inhaled sharply through her lazy lungs as a yawn forced her jaw wide open. She

stretched tired limbs across the length of the bed, arching her back and digging her toes into the

mattress before falling limply down. After a long moment, hazel eyes peered open and squinted

against the light, looking down at her body with a shake of her head. She had somehow managed to

fall asleep in Sara's clothes, her shirt hanging open to expose the cups of her neon green bra and

empty, rumbling stomach. The tight trousers Sara had loaned her had left angry red marks against

both hipbones, but luckily the tie still hanging loosely around her neck had not strangled her to

death in her sleep.

The moment she had entered her bedroom last night, she had collapsed face first into her bed with

a dreamy sigh as she thought back to-

"Oh my god."

Tegan shot up from the bed with a horrified gasp as the memories of last night emerged in all of

their intoxicated glory. Underneath the moonlight, she had made out with Sara. The way Sara's

tongue had curled and flicked inside of her mouth had been awesome. It had been spine tingling

while setting her blood on fire. It had exceeded every fantasy Tegan had come up with in the past

few weeks and shattered her idea of what a perfect first kiss should be, intensifying her expectations

forever with its untouchable level. It had thrilled every inch of her body. It had been-

It had been so fucking unprofessional.

"Shit! Shit, shit, shit." She yelled in a whisper, running a hand through her hair as she glared at the

room with accusations painted in the sharp edge of her eyes like the walls were the cause of all her

troubles. She collapsed on the edge of the bed and dropped her head to her knees. She tried to

regulate her suddenly skyrocketed pulse. Her heart slammed against her ribcage as the implications

of what that kiss meant reeled through her mind: she was unprofessional, she was a slave to her lust,

and Sara was an excellent kisser.

Questioning Sara's own reasoning (An equal amount of lust? The hopes that she would get laid at a

dinner party and actually be a receiver with the knowledge that Tegan was gay too? Other more

terrifying reasons, but Tegan really did not want to walk down that road…) and worrying that

someone might have seen them, she tugged at her hair with a harshly bitten lip.

"Oh, god…" Tegan's stomach was churning with all thoughts of food falling to irrelevancy as she

stretched over the bed to grab her phone from underneath the pillow. She scrolled down her

contact list until she found the name she was searching for and held the device to her ear. Listening

to the low hum of rings, she chewed on the nail of her thumb.

"Hello?" the voice croaked from the other line.

"Emy." The words were stuck in her throat and heavy on her tongue. She stalled with the whisper of

her best friend's name, too contrite to admit the truth.

"Tegan, what in the fuck? It's literally…" Emy paused and Tegan could imagine her lifting her phone

to her face to squint at the brightness in her dark room. "…seven in the goddamn morning-"

"Sara Clement sucked my tongue last night." The admission was forced from her throat and out in

the open air, and she gaped at the wall across from her as if her open mouth could retrieve the

words and shove them back down her throat. So much for stalling.

"You better have a good reaso- wait, what?" A brief silence was loud as Emy's sleepy brain caught up

with Tegan's truth. "Hot, posh Sara sucked your tongue last night?"

Tegan chewed on said tongue in punishment. "It was a birthday party and I had to wear her clothes

and then she said no to marrying that guy Rob or Bob or Saul or something and then I went to the

pool and got a little drunk and then boom, she was there. And then she was telling me about her

fucked up family and you know how I'm a sucker for a good sob story so I was like 'oh, you're so

brave,'" Tegan heightened her voice to a mocking falsetto of her own husky voice, "'Cause I'm a

fucking dork. And then just… I dunno, she laid one out on me and I was like 'whoa' but also like 'hell

yeah' and I let it happen and then we snuck in the house and she went to her room and I fell asleep

in her clothes." Tegan sucked in air desperately as she finished her long, rushed explanation.

"Are you telling me about a soap opera you watched or is this really how your life is now?" Emy

quipped. Tegan rolled her eyes.

"Emy, this is serious." Tegan groaned into the bedding as she dug her face into the mattress and

spoke with a muffled guilt trip. "I fucked up. I made out with my homophobic bosses daughter. I

fucked up so bad. I'm never going to get a job ever again and I won't even be able to put this on my

resume. I might as well drop out of school because I'm fucked."

"Hey, hey, whoa. Calm down, Tee. Take a breath and let's think this out rationally, okay?" Emy

soothed, now sounding far more attentive. Tegan gulped air and expelled it with a static rush for

Emy to hear. "Did anyone see you two making out?"

"I don't know!" Tegan moaned. "I think everyone was inside and we were the only ones in the

backyard, but I was a little distracted, you know?"

"I bet you were." Emy snickered. Tegan groaned. "Which leads me to my next question, how was it?"

With a sigh, Tegan rolled over to lie on her back and stare at the ceiling. "It was probably the best

kiss of my life. She sure as hell knows what she's doing."

"Wow. I really need to see this Sara Clement person. Hot, great kisser, all bitchy… why are you

complaining, exactly? That sounds like a great time." Emy laughed. The sound soothed Tegan's tight

muscles as she gave her own begrudging chuckle.

"It wasn't the type of kiss I expected with her, though. I was expecting like this hard, harsh kiss and

like… hair pulling. But she kissed me really… gently and like, thoroughly. It was kind of sweet,

actually." Tegan chewed on her piercing nervously.

"Maybe she likes you." Emy suggested.

"Ha!" Tegan scoffed rather nervously to mask her own worries of that exact suggestion. "That'll be

the day."

"Well, why do you think she kissed you then?" Emy questioned skeptically.

"I dunno. She was drunk too. Maybe that's why. Or maybe she wanted to make out with a woman

who actually likes girls, you know? I told you she hasn't been with a gay woman since she was

seventeen. She probably just wanted to feel… I don't know, wanted?" Tegan shrugged in a hopeless

attempt to rationalize. "Fucking straight girls who refuse to fuck you back is probably a huge damper

on her gigantic ego. She probably just wanted to kiss someone who thought she was more than an

experiment or something."

"And did you? Want her, I mean."

"Shut up, Emy. You know I want her."

"No, I mean," the other line rustled for a moment, "Like… do you want her? I know you're having

some weird lust thing and it's totally throwing you off because it's not like you at all, but did that kiss

make you want her the way you normally want girls? Do you want to take her on dates and stuff

now? Are you going to follow her around like a puppy and send her flowers and shit like that?"

Having had a lifetime of mocking for her pathetic courting methods, Tegan didn't even blink at being

equated to a puppy. "No." she admitted quietly, eyes downcast. "Even after being kissed like that, I

still don't like her. Does that make me a bad person?"

"No," Emy responded hastily. "Of course not. You can't help what your heart may or may not want.

Or what your vagina wants, for that matter." When Tegan didn't laugh, Emy sighed. "Look, you were

drunk and Sara's apparently super hot. Probably no one saw you and if her family is homophobic, I

doubt she's going to go around and tell her parents that she kissed you. No one has to know any of it

happened, okay? Everything is fine and your job isn't in peril or whatever. Just don't go around

making out with all your bosses' daughters."

"I guess you're right." Tegan muttered hesitantly. A small burden of worries had been lifted at Emy's

words, but there was still a weight on her shoulders that no one could make disappear. "God, I'm

stupid."

"Nope, you're human. No one can blame you for letting a cute girl kiss you." Emy replied with that

sweet nonchalance that only she had. It made Tegan smile despite herself. "Now go make breakfast

for them and let me go back to sleep. Sarah will be over in five hours and I need my beauty rest."

Tegan chuckled softly. "You have like, one week left, Tee. You're not a teenage boy, you can control

your hormones. Probably."

Her best friend hung up before Tegan could reply with a snappy comeback. She threw her phone

back on the bed and ran a hand through her hair.

Liquid courage had severely fucked her over and she cursed the alcohols name with deep regret. It

had been wine for fucks sake. She thought she was bit more badass than that; she only had her tiny

stature to blame. How embarrassing. She could only imagine the amazing yet terrible things she

would have done with Sara with anything harder.

But the damage was done and now all she could do was suffer the consequences and pray to a god

she didn't believe in that no one found out.

High strung on tangled nerves, Tegan went through the first half of the day looking over her

shoulder for the hateful eyes of disapproval announcing she was fired. She was so distracted while

making breakfast that she now barred the vibrant red patch of a hissing burn on the inside of her

right wrist from the stove and if she wasn't getting fired for kissing Sara, she probably would be from

how terrible her meal no doubt was.

No matter how hard she tried not to, she couldn't stop thinking about how warm and soft Sara's lips

were or how deft her tongue was. Her entire body responded to the memory, goose bumps rising on

her skin and the short hair on her arms standing to attention. She vaguely recalled Sara telling her

she had not disappointed as a kisser, but she felt as if she had robbed Sara of the experience of

Tegan's own real kiss. She had been so stunned her lips had been frozen and her tongue shy; she

could do far better than that. It was a tad embarrassing and Tegan felt the strong urge to show Sara

what she really had in her. She groaned when she realized she was just making an excuse to find a

way to kiss Sara again.

She spent the next few hours pacing the small cubicle of her room, made a hopefully better lunch,

and changed her clothes. Now comfortable in jeans and a loose t-shirt with all her nails bitten down

to the quick, she tiptoed through the halls. She passed Sara's firmly shut door and tried not to worry

about what might be brewing inside that room before rushing downstairs. She cornered the

hallways like an undercover spy, peeking around the corner for any signs of life before hastily

throwing her body around the wall and speed walking past open doors.

If no one ran into her, maybe she could keep her job. Even if they didn't know about last night, she

was concerned that the events were written all over her avoiding eyes and tight mouth. But the last

person she wanted to run into was Sara, as she had no idea how to interact in their unfamiliar

situation, and that was why she froze in the doorway of the music room when she caught sight of

the short brunette.

Her back to the door and her head bowed, Sara was standing in front of the piano with her arms

crossed over her chest. She was completely silent and Tegan wondered if she was even breathing.

Through the thin material of her powder blue button up, her shoulders were drawn in tightly and

her back even stiffer than usual.

Tegan cringed silently and backed slowly to exit without Sara noticing her presence. She wasn't

ready for this yet. She couldn't face her.

Biting her bottom lip and holding her breath, she took two careful steps back and promptly crashed

her lower back right into the doorknob. Her mind exploded in curses of pain and panic as the contact

of her bones and gold caught Sara's attention and slowly, she turned around.

"Oh, hello." Sara's voice was slightly scratchy and soft in greeting.

Feeling like a caged animal, Tegan wished she could disappear. "Uh…" She cleared her throat and

tried to find some composure as she rubbed a hand over the throbbing flesh of her back with a small

wince. "Hey."

"How are you feeling?" Sara questioned, taking a few steps forward. She didn't seem to notice that

Tegan pressed herself up against the closed door in response to her proximity.

Whether Sara was talking about the kiss or the amount of wine she had consumed, Tegan didn't

know. Her eyes flickered twitchily across the room to avoid Sara's look. "I'm, uh… cool. Fine, I mean.

I'm good." She immediately wished she had just kept her mouth shut.

Sara gave a nod, her arms tightening over her chest. Her eyes were lurking with distance and

unreachable thoughts as they searched the wall to their left. There was an extra wave in her fringe

today as it curtained the entire left side of her face. She sucked her lips into her mouth and

swallowed audibly. Tegan's attention zeroed in on the way she rubbed her lips together before

releasing them in an even redder state than before. It reminded her of last night so intensely that

she had to look away in fear that she might commit the act yet again.

"I was speaking to mother this morning and…" Sara paused. Her eyes found Tegan's for a brief

moment before they dropped to the floor. "She informed me that, after my refusal to marry into the

Chrusinoff family in front of so many important employers, I have never been such an

embarrassment to her."

Tegan only half-listened to this odd show of confidence in her as she plotted ways to escape

conversation and run away. She hummed as if she had fully comprehended what had been said and

gave a slow nod. Her hand lingered on the doorknob as excuses to leave rushed through her mind

while she stared blindly at Sara's moving lips. She could physically see the roll of Sara's lisp as her

pouty lips moved over hushed words.

"She's told me that everyone now knows of my homosexual tendencies. I might as well have

shouted it from the rooftops, according to her. She has decided that because of my actions, I am to

be-" The small catch in Sara's voice distracted Tegan from thoughts of making a running leap out the

window. She then noticed the strain in Sara's throat and the way she swallowed multiple times as if

trying desperately to hold back rushing emotions and the unconcealed shadows of sadness in her

eyes. "I am to be shunned."

"Oh." Tegan blinked at that heavy news. "So, what… um, what's that mean?"

"Mother has given me two weeks to find a new home and then I am to never step on these grounds

again." Sara explained gravely. "She said she and father came to that conclusion together, but I

know she decided that for herself. I'm rather lost on what to do."

"Oh-" Tegan's words paused in her throat as Sara moved in as if they were going to embrace. "Oh!"

she said again with new implications as she quickly side-stepped from Sara's body. "What're you-

what are you doing?"

Sara's hands hovered at either of Tegan's sides, but her fingers curled into her palms uncertainly. "I

thought that, with what I've just exposed to you, you might want to offer a bit of comfort."

Tegan's own lack of comfort squirmed restlessly in her gut. This was the conversation she had been

dreading and now she had to be brutally honest. "Sara, I'm… not your source of comfort."

Sara's hands dropped to her sides. "Oh no, that's not what I- I was just-"

"Look, I'm going to be really honest for a second, okay?" Tegan rubbed her forehead with a heavy

sigh. Sara was staring at her with a knit in her brows and the room felt so small, walls advancing and

threatening to crush her. "Last night when we- uh, you know…"

"We kissed." Sara offered lightly, but it was anything but helpful.

"Er, yeah." Tegan cringed. "When we did that, when we… kissed, it was… wrong. A mistake." She

searched Sara's face for any sign of emotion, but Sara simply stared back at her. Taking a deep

breath, she continued, "I work for your parents and to kiss you… that was totally unprofessional. And

on top of that, Sara, I have to be totally honest and tell you that my attraction to you is purely

physical."

"Purely physical?" Sara parroted in the faintest whisper.

"Yes." Tegan confirmed with an apologetic wince. The uneasy pressure of denying someone was

something she wasn't used to. She was normally the heartbroken one with her tendencies to fall in

love at first sight. She only felt this current feeling when she had to break it to men that she was gay

and not interested. It was foreign to be on this end of things with a woman. "I… don't want to be

with you. At least, not romantically. I admit that, um… I have struggled with desires for you over the

past month, but I'm not interested in getting involved with you. Even if I did want to, it wouldn't be

right in my position. But luckily, you know… I don't. I'm sorry if you, like… got the wrong idea last

night."

An awkward silence fell over them as Sara's unblinking eyes stared emotionlessly into Tegan's

shifting pair. Tegan rolled on the balls of her feet and cleared her throat, unsure of what to do now.

Heat prickled on the back of her neck and crept down her back in an anxious shiver.

Finally Sara moved, crossing her arms over her chest and it felt like a distance barrier between them

\- a tall, thick wall.

"Well, Tegan Rain," Sara spoke up, but her voice was just as quiet as before and blank as her eyes, "I

certainly don't want to date you. You act as if I'm on my hands and knees begging you to accompany

me to see a film. Well, I'm not. Perhaps my attraction to you is purely physical as well, did you ever

think of that? Or did you really believe that I would want to be with you? Perhaps I'm not even

attracted to you in any way."

Tegan's eyes narrowed. "Sara, one of the first things you ever said to me was that you could show

me how riveting you are."

"Perhaps I meant my piano talents, Tegan Rain. Or my extensive vocabulary! You only assumed it

was sexual because of your ridiculous ego." Sara's voice rose in pitch, yet it was still controlled and

even in a way Tegan herself was not capable of. That no one was capable of but weird, robotic Sara

Clement. It was unsettling the way Sara could keep herself fully composed even amidst a growing

argument.

"Sara, you came onto me!" Along with Sara's voice, Tegan's defenses rose. She felt her heart jump in

growing anger at Sara's accusations. Her own voice was not controlled nor quiet like Sara's, but loud

in ways she was allowed to be inside the soundproofed walls, full of exasperation.

"Yes, and I don't remember you saying no." Sara countered tightly.

"I told you I have a physical attraction for you." Tegan spoke through clenched teeth as the

adrenaline of a fight brewed in her veins, her tongue brimming with insults. She was two seconds

away from allowing them to flow out of her pursed lips.

"Yes, well… I still don't see how you would believe I want to date you. Honestly, my father has such

connections that I could date a princess if I like. So why on earth would I ever stoop so low to even

desire to date my parents cook? A cook in University no less, who cannot even afford that. Honestly!"

Sara gave a humorless laugh and the smile on her face was anything but amused or beautiful. It

looked like the frothing mouth of a crazed animal, twisted darkly and shrunken to a line of rage she

wasn't showing anywhere else on her face. "You look like a street dweller and have you ever once

combed your hair? Why would I be attracted to you of all people when I could have any woman I

want?"

Sara's words were contradicting herself and for the most part, nothing she said made sense

alongside the other things she was saying. But one thing was clear to Tegan: Sara was not interested

in her whatsoever. Of course she wasn't. Of course Sara had no feelings for her. Tegan felt

completely ridiculous for even entertaining the idea earlier that morning with Emy. Sara had lied to

her last night when she said she had wanted to kiss her for a long time. It was all bullshit.

Sara was an empty tomb. She had no heart to give over and especially not to Tegan, who stood on

the wrong side of the street. No doubt she was as appealing as a rat in the gutters of a dirty alleyway

to Sara, coming from a middle class background and wearing clothing from outlet stores. Sara had

probably been disgusted with their kiss, brought on only by alcohol.

Tegan felt as small and attractive as a mouse, searing her with humiliation and the aversion she had

felt for Sara from day one. Her lips curled over her teeth as she snarled the words she had wanted to

say to Sara the moment they met, "Fuck you, Sara."

"Oh, I'm sure you wish you could." Sara's smirk was spiteful as she used Tegan's admission against

her, embarrassing her further. It left a horrible, unsavory taste in Tegan's mouth. "I'm sure you wish

you could touch me, be inside of me… taste me. I'm sure you wish I would do the same to you. I'd

wager that you've imagined my tongue on you a dozen times. Haven't you, Tegan?" Sara stepped

closer to her, her breath hot and shockingly even-tempered as she lifted herself on her tiptoes to

have a small height advantage. Tegan blinked at the use of her first name. Her cheeks were on fire

and her blood boiling. Her fists clenched at her sides, dragging her nails over the damp flesh of her

sweaty palms as she jutted her jaw out and met Sara's stare in silence. "Well, just know all of those

sordid thoughts you've had of me will never happen. Every abhorrent idea that's ever popped into

that small brain of yours will never find the light of reality. I just want you to remember when you

leave this house and go back to your pathetic life, you went back without the knowledge of what it's

like to bed me."

Tegan's breathing was harsh as her nails dug angry half-moons into both her palms. Her body was

overheated as something inside of her snapped. "The very second I ever met you, I knew you were a

bitch. I saw you and before you even said a word to me, I disliked you. I instantly could see that you

were cold and robotic. I hated you immediately." Her voice was deadly, finding an octave that she

only ever drifted to when speaking about her father. Every negative feeling she had ever felt for Sara

was hoarse in her throat as she watched Sara's brows lower on her forehead. "And you can say

whatever the fuck you want, Sara. You can try to humiliate me and make me feel like an idiot for

finding you attractive, but just remember that you kissed me last night. You wanted to get to know

me while I tried to get you to fuck off as nicely as possible because you're my bosses daughter. You

kept showing up around me to talk. Not me. You."

Now she was contradicting herself as badly as Sara had, hitting her with blows as if she believed Sara

felt anything for her. Her mind was running a mile a minute, catching insults through whirlwind

rounds through her brain and throwing them to her throat to escape her mouth. She had no idea

what she was saying, but it didn't matter. All she wanted to do was get an emotion out of Sara. She

didn't even care what she was saying anymore; she just wanted to bruise her ego.

A muscle in Sara's jaw jumped as she opened her mouth to retort, but Tegan continued before she

could get a word in.

"So, I'm going to leave here not knowing what it's like to fuck you. Oh, well. Whatever, I'll get over it

and find a girl I actually like to have sex with. You're not that special." She sneered with a careless

shrug. Her eyes narrowed in on Sara's as she spoke her next words with all the malice she could

wrap up. "But while I do that and get over it, I want you to watch me leave knowing that I cannot

stand you. And even more than that, I don't find one fucking thing about you lovable."

The moment the words were out of her mouth, Sara took a tiny step back as if Tegan had hit her

with a physical blow. Her arms dropped from their defensive cross over her chest to hang limply at

her sides. Her throat moved in the multiple swallows she had been doing when Tegan first walked in

while her lips disappeared into the seam of her mouth.

But it was her eyes that Tegan could not look away from. There was something new there. She had

punched straight through Sara's mask and scraped the broken pieces aside with rough hands to see

straight through her like a perverted invader. Suddenly she was not so impenetrable. Her stare was

shattered wide open, allowing Tegan inside the depths for the first time. Hurt seeped from the hazel

orbs Tegan had once regarded as cold and untouchable. She looked human. She did have a heart

and Tegan had just caused it pain.

Whether or not Sara felt anything for her no longer mattered. Suddenly, morals and humanism

mattered to Tegan once again as she realized she had never spoken to someone so cruelly in her life.

And she had never wanted to. It was as if every kind part of her had disappeared over the past few

weeks and came sprinting back one minute too late, watching in horror of what the darkest part of

her had just done. Although she wasn't sure in what way she had hurt Sara - as a person Sara felt

fond of? Or had she dug up old wounds? She couldn't be sure, she hadn't really listened when Sara

spoke over the past month - all that mattered was that she clearly had.

Regret flooded through Tegan's chest. Her body relaxed from the wrath she felt and tensed up with

an emotion she was all too familiar with: shame.

There was a terrible lapse of thick silence, made even worse by the soundproof walls. Tegan could

hear her vengefully ragged breathing along the erratic beating of her sorry heart. She couldn't hear

Sara's breathing and her chest was so still Tegan wondered if she was holding her breath. Her eyes

slowly mended themselves, protecting her emotions with the patched up mask until Tegan could no

longer see inside of her anymore. She was gone as quickly as she had appeared.

This all happened in mere seconds, but it felt like ten long, excruciating hours until Sara stepped

around Tegan and quietly opened the door. Tegan stood at the doorway and watched helplessly as

Sara stepped out into the hallway. She did not glance back as she walked from the room with her

head up and her shoulders tight.


	11. Stoic Sara

Irony slipped down her cheeks in the form of bitter tears, plump with remorse. Her eyes were

brimmed with regret, glazed over with a layer of evidence that she owned a heart despite the lack of

one she showed to Sara yesterday.

Tegan wasn't allowed to cry as this was her fault, but the rules of heartbreak faded into oblivion

while her stomach churned with sickening guilt and her throat was tight with a strangling lump, as if

in punishment for allowing such terrible words out of her mouth. She had been a monster.

Recounting her memories, she didn't recognize herself in the moment of wrath – that person was a

stranger to her and she wanted nothing to do with them.

But if she were to be honest with herself, she knew that person had been brewing in the darkest

corners of her mind no matter how reluctant she was to admit this. It had been building and growing

with every hateful thought or brush off of conversation. She had allowed that looming figure

encased in baleful grime to rise from the depths of its murky pond, draped in acid insults meant only

to cause the most detrimental harm. Menacing, it terrified her to know that she could be that cruel.

Where she had once believed she was kind and friendly, was now replaced with the crushed look of

anguish in Sara's face after she spoke so sadistically.

Emy had been wrong. She was a bad person. Not because she had no romantic feelings for Sara

where she desired her sexually; that was something she could not control. But to stoop so low only

because she was embarrassed made her an awful person and it loomed over her head like a dark

cloud and its heavy rain drops poured from her eyes in endless streams as she muffled her sobs in

her the palm of her hand.

She had destroyed Sara's mask. Never had she expected it to be so fragile. Like porcelain, it had

cracked so easily. As if made of the thinnest thread, the weaved and taut knitting of Sara's

protection had popped apart to expose the tangled and ripped mess beneath it. The shielding armor

of defense Sara held so tightly had been dented the second Tegan spat words like knives her way.

How had she not realized its presence? She had spent so much of her time equating Sara to a robot

due to her aloof exterior that somewhere along the way, she had really started to believe Sara had

no feelings to bruise. Sara was not inhuman, not incapable of feeling. It was all so obvious now. She

picked up cues of Sara's attempts at friendship, that faltering moment where all of her walls crashed

down to expose her pain, and the heartache of an unloving mother. Sara tried so hard to seem

unaffected, but she wore her feelings on her sleeve. Tegan saw that now.

She had been so foolish, as now it was all so blatant. She had been so heartless. Her mother would

be terribly disappointed. Working with young women as a social worker, she had been very serious

with Tegan that when you met someone with intimacy, they were meant the utmost respect

afterwards no matter the situation. But Tegan had treated Sara as if she were a snide business man,

caught up in a web of adultery with a lady of the night.

The flashes of the kiss they had shared made Tegan's heart ache. Sara had been so gentle with her,

handling Tegan as carefully as Sara herself deserved to be treated. Of course Sara didn't have

feelings for her and that kiss had been stamped as alcohol induced in Tegan's mind, but even still, it

allowed Tegan to see the light of how sweet Sara handled others when she wasn't trying to hide.

A chocked sob ached in her throat. She had to apologize. The things Sara said to cause her

embarrassment paled in comparison to the hurt Tegan had caused her. She couldn't even find it

within herself to stay angry that Sara had inadvertently called her unappealing or the fact that she

had said her life was pathetic and her brain small. She was the bad guy now, not Sara. Sara had been

searching for comfort and Tegan had rushed away from her hug like it was the plague. With any

other queer person who had just been knocked with the news Sara had been, Tegan would've been

livid for them; she would have comforted them, offered a shoulder to cry on, ranted and raved

about equality. Yet she had been so stuck on her own petty worries, only causing Sara's hurt to

intensify.

One day after her twenty-first birthday, Sara had been kicked out of her childhood home and called

unlovable by the next person she spoke to. The emotional scars that probably caused were puffy and

sensitive. Tegan had to find the right words and attitude when she went to Sara and expressed how

sorry she was. Sara was now the sore flesh of fresh wound, ripped wide open and oozing pain – no

matter how much she was bound to hide it – and Tegan had to do this right. She had to put aside her

predispositions and fix her situation before they both left this home.

As her cries slow to sniffles and wet lashes, she searched her mind for the right words. And as she

spotted the crinkled, discarded clothing Sara had allowed her to borrow, an idea lit the bulb above

her head.

It was almost funny how everything had reversed. Where Sara had been the one waiting for Tegan

outside a door, Tegan now stood before Sara's door with a nervously bitten lip. Sara's dirty clothes

were clutched to her chest under one arm while the other hovered in a fist above her door. The

irony was laughable, the metaphor of a wall separating them causing great anxiety.

Shaking herself from her thoughts, she gave two tentative knocks.

The few moments afterwards, she held Sara's clothes tightly as her heart sped up. Shake off every

negative thing you've thought of her, she told herself, be compassionate.

When Sara opened her door, it was silent and unexpected. Tegan gave herself a mental pat on the

back for not flinching in surprise. She was slowly getting used to Sara's quiet movements.

Sara's gray flannel was loose as it hung off fragile shoulders and exposed her long throat dipping into

sharp collarbones, but for once, Tegan did not linger on the sexual buildup at the sight. Instead, she

zoomed in on Sara's face, bare of makeup or any hint of an expression. If not for the recollection of

pouring emotion yesterday, Tegan would assume everything was as normal as two days ago. There

was no difference in Sara's appearance as she stared at Tegan, who stood frozen.

Tegan swallowed the ice encasing her throat. "Um… hey, Sara." she greeted softly.

Besides the small cock of her head and the shift of her fringe brushing her jaw, Sara did nothing.

Tegan's anxiety increased.

"Um," She sucked her piercing into her mouth and rolled the small ball with her tongue in a nervous

habit before releasing her lip with a small smack. "I, uh… was wondering if I could, like… talk to you,

maybe. I want to apologize for yesterday." Sara remained silent. Tegan presented her clothes with a

nervous chuckle, "I brought your clothes back."

"An apology in the form of dirty laundry, not even folded neatly, but wadded up and wrinkled." Sara

deadpanned humorlessly. "Lovely."

"Oh." Tegan's fingers twitched around the clothes as her heart sank. She had already fucked it up.

"Sorry, I didn't think to-"

"You could have brought these to Martin and he would have known where they belonged." Sara

interrupted flatly. "Surely he would know that you do not own such clothing, though with the state

you've left them in, they might as well be the threadbare fabric you call your clothing. They're all but

ruined. Just keep them." She moved to close the door and in a fit of panic, Tegan stopped it with her

foot slamming in between the frame and wood. Luckily, Sara had to be gentle to be as silent as she

was and there was no pain, "Sara, please wait."

With an angry line of lowered brows, Sara crossed her arms over her chest impatiently. "What could

you possibly have to say to me, cook? I believe you said it all yesterday." Her eyes hardened. They

were so cold. Tegan only now noticed how much they had warmed up to her in these past few

weeks, melting numb ice with something lighter that was no longer present. Sara was so distant; it

was like day one all over again. "I am utterly detestable, am I not? Why would you linger in a

presence we both know you cannot stand?"

She was using her words against her and it hurt. Compunction swam in her heart like thick oil,

tainting her blood and swelling her veins. A pout poked at her lips as she dropped her eyes to the

floor. "Sara… look, what I said to you… there's no excuse. No one should talk to another person like

that. I was wrong to say those things. I was embarrassed for admitting that I, uh… you know… had

feelings for you physically when you clearly don't think the same of me." Sara's eyes flickered across

her face with something unreadable in the newly steely mask and Tegan rushed to amend her

statement. "Not that that's an excuse! I just… I'm trying to explain where I was coming from. But I'm

sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I was cruel and after what happened with your mum… I should've been

more sensitive. I'm sorry, okay?"

Sara didn't look at all appeased, but to be fair, she didn't look as if she had any feelings at all. Tegan

knew better than to believe that facade any longer, however. It frustrated her to no end that she

could not read the look that bobbed too far out in the ocean of Sara's eyes, so full of dark depth that

Tegan could not find the sun shining over the horizon. She was a skewered riddle and Tegan was a

dedicated reader, desperate to skim her pages with avid eyes and pick up her mysterious elements

to piece together her whole puzzle. She had seen something in Sara yesterday – something fresh and

new from the boring wall she had seen her as before. She'd seen an abundance of emotion. She

needed to see it again even if it meant learning that she disliked any side of Sara she was met with.

She had to know that she hadn't made it up in a fog of regret.

After a brief period of silence, Tegan gave up on searching Sara's unmoved face. "Can we just…" She

ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "Can we just, like... start over? Have a clean slate?" Her

proposal was topped off with big eyes.

"That seems a bit pointless, as we will both be leaving this house very soon." Sara had finally spoken

up, but it did nothing to help Tegan's shove to civility. "And then, you will be pleased to hear, we will

never have to see each other again. I'm sure you are tickled pink at the mere thought of being

absent of me."

"Sara, please. I feel terrible. I just want to make things right." Tegan was all but pleading, her pout

extending when things refused to go her way. As the only child of a doting mother, this was hard for

her to understand or accept.

Sara's face morphed with emotion, but it was not one Tegan was hoping to see. Fury darkened her

angled features, mouth twisting into a firm line and eyebrows low. "I am not here to mend your

guilty conscience." she hissed. "You are not standing at my door because you truly feel sorry. You

only want to make yourself feel like a better person. You do not want to start a clean slate. You don't

want to be around me, you said so yourself. You just want to hear me say that you are forgiven so

you can give yourself a pat on the back and continue the charade that you are a good person despite

contrary evidence."

Tegan's eyes widened. Offense took place of some of her remorse. "No! I really am sorry! You've got

it all wrong-"

"At least give us both the courtesy of admitting your true intentions. You spoke words of pure hatred

for me only one day ago. Feelings do not shift so quickly. You don't care about how I feel." Sara

snapped, sharp like knives. "Not that I feel anything towards you but contempt." She added hastily,

yet not without a small falter.

"You're wrong, Sara." Tegan genuinely informed her, horrified that things were going so badly. "I

feel terrible about what I said and not because of any of that stuff. I cried, for fucks sake. I regret it

so much. And just imagining that you might've cried over what I said to you kills me-"

"I did not cry and will not cry over you." Sara's voice was like a snake's hiss, full of rage and highly

threatening. "To cry over something so pathetic would be truly embarrassing. Get over yourself."

Tegan rubbed a hand over her forehead. She searched for the right words to get through to stoic

Sara, but the other woman spoke up first.

"I'm going to save you from this pitiful display and order you to leave me be." Sara grasped the

doorknob and shook her head as if deeply exasperated. Her eyes were far away and avoiding Tegan's

own pair as she added beneath her breath, "Just go away."

The door shut softly, but Tegan winced. The gentle clasp was louder than any vibrating walls or

ringing ears from slammed doors.


	12. Blind

Sara did not come down for breakfast.

Tegan was only disheartened for a moment before she logically concluded that she probably did not

want to be seated in such close quarters with her asshole parents. She had wondered how cynically

funny Sara might find it if Tegan spat in her mother's food. She didn't actually do this, of course. She

had no courage and she was a professional despite recent occurrences. This wasn't some rundown

McDonalds in the middle of a small town, full of screaming children and haggard mothers shoving

French fries down their babies babbling mouths. But just because Sara didn't come down didn't

mean she wasn't hungry. Technically, Tegan's duties for breakfast were check marked and finished,

but she had a plan. Instead of hurrying upstairs to change out of uniform into street clothes, she

ambled to the dining area where Martin was collecting dirty dishes.

"Hey, Martin?" She leaned against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest casually.

"Yes, Miss Rain?" he questioned, pausing his duties to turn to her with a curious, polite smile.

"I was wondering…" she twirled her piercing between two fingers. "You've known Sara for a long

time, right? Like, you've worked for the Clement's for a while?"

"I have worked here since Sara was nothing but a mere bump on her mother's stomach." Martin

nodded the affirmative, his eyes soft with affection. "I have watched her grow into the strong

woman she is today. Why do you ask?"

"Well…" Tegan clasped her hands behind her back and walked innocently around the table to face

the sweet elder man. "I noticed Sara didn't come to breakfast and I was wondering what her favorite

dessert might be."

Martin stood straight, dropping the stacked plates back on the table with a small cock of his head.

"You are going to prepare her dessert?"

Tegan shrugged. "Yeah. Why not, right?" She did not divulge that she owed it to Sara for being the

world's least sensitive bitch or that she pitied her for her problems with her parents.

"Ah," A smile lit Martin's face, crinkling around deep laugh lines. "Well, you musn't tell Mrs. Clement,

as she does not often allow Miss Sara to indulge in her favorite sweets, but there is a s'mores sundae

recipe in the kitchen. It has been her favorite dessert since she was a little girl, but rarely ever gets to

eat it."

"That's perfect!" Tegan beamed.

"I'm sure Miss Sara would be absolutely thrilled if you were to make it for her." Martin's eyes

twinkled as he picked the dishes back up, the glasses clinking and shaking.

"You're always such good help, Martin." she praised genuinely, rushing to aid him. She grabbed a

few dishes from his hold and ignored his soft protests. "Thank you."

A warm, soft slab of chocolate brownie, coated lightly in a thin layer of crumbled graham crackers,

was topped off with a plump marshmallow toasted to a soft brown. Hot chocolate sauce was

drizzled across the top as the melted marshmallow began to drip and stick to the plate the longer it

took Tegan to find Sara.

She searched the grounds, noting the gray clouds brewing in the sky as she hurried to the backyard

and groaned when the bench Sara sometimes occupied was empty. Her boots dug into soft soil as

she turned quickly and hurried back inside before the clouds could break with disastrous water

pellets. The air-conditioned house dried any sweat burrowing beneath her untamed fringe as she

hunted the halls and peeked into mostly barren rooms.

Her hope burned a flame in her chest, not daring to dwindle its embers when Sara was nowhere to

be found. Her jaw locked determinedly, she walked right past the dining hall before pausing as a

flash of something dark caught her peripheral. Walking backwards a few steps, she perked up at the

sight of Sara leaning over a newspaper on the table.

Last night, she had thought of one million different ways to apologize, ranging from wallowing in

tears at Sara's feet to doing all her chores for a week (did Sara even have chores?) but none seemed

like they would please Sara. She was so different from anyone Tegan had ever met and everything

felt so much harder with her, but Tegan's intentions were resolute. Her new approach was

friendship. She was going to attempt to treat Sara like a friend; an acquaintance at best. She was

going to show the bright and shining parts of herself to Sara, the things she was loved most for – her

charm, her humor, and her friendliness. She refused to be the pod person Sara had gotten to know,

rude and void of emotion. She was going to be a nice person to Sara even if it killed her. Sara

deserved that much.

Trotting silently over to Sara's bowed posture, Tegan grinned mischievously as she leaned carefully

over the other woman and set the plate of tooth rotting dessert before her.

As Sara lifted her head to investigate, Tegan circled the table with a wide smile. She didn't allow her

mood to falter when Sara looked to her with a blank face. "You weren't at breakfast and I heard this

was your favorite dessert. A little birdy told me you don't get to have this a lot, so…" Tegan gave a

secretive wink and held a finger up to her lips to convey that she could keep a secret.

Unimpressed, Sara leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. Tegan took that as a sign of

defense and took a step back, allowing Sara to know through calculated body language that she

wasn't meaning to push or invade. Clearly taking a notice, Sara's eyebrows quirked at the gesture.

"What is this? What are you attempting to do?"

"According to the ingredients in this, give you diabetes." Tegan teased good-naturedly as she leaned

her elbows on the table to be at level with Sara. When Sara simply stared back at her, Tegan leaned

her body weight onto one elbow and slowly pushed the plate closer to Sara with her pointer finger

and a tiny grin, like a child egging on a friend to indulge in a cookie before dinner. "You better eat

this before I do, Sara."

Sara's eyebrows were knitted as she looked at Tegan like she was a rubik's cube, one side completely

red yet with one blue cube; the one lone red piece was on the other side of the toy and Sara could

not match the pieces correctly. "I don't understand."

"Well, you see, I know just how well I make desserts and I am kind of hungry, so-"

"You know I'm not speaking of your dessert, cook." Sara interrupted with tight annoyance. "What

are you attempting to do? You've got me completely muddled. One moment you are treating me as

if I am no better than something you stepped in outdoors and the next you are making me desserts

and attempting to joke with me. You aren't making any sense. You do not care for me, so why are

you doing this?"

Tegan dropped her forehead onto her crossed arms. This clearly wasn't working. "I'm just trying to

make things right," she sighed, lifting her head up to accuse lightly, "But you're making it really hard."

Almost instantaneously, she wished she had not spoken. Sara's eyes grew dark with anger as her jaw

tightened the smallest fraction. "Me? I'm the one making things difficult?" She spoke incredulously

and Tegan bit her lip at the wavering restraint of emotion in Sara's voice. "I must inform you, cook,

that if things had gone the way I planned, everything would be going over very smoothly. I am not

the difficult one."

Not for the first time, Tegan felt as if she and Sara were speaking about two different things. She felt

like she was missing something, standing in front of a clear barrier only warped enough for her to

not be able to make out the carefully distorted images of truth. She stood up straight and frowned.

"Now I don't understand. What was your plan?"

Sara hesitated, her shoulders dropping from their tight hold as her throat moved with a swallow.

"Nothing, I did not have one. I'm not thinking clearly. I have a lot on my mind, I'm not making sense.

I apologize."

"What's on your mind?" Tegan questioned, leaning back on the table and resting her chin on her

crossed arms.

Sara looked at her for a long moment before dropping her eyes somewhere off to the left of her face.

"I will not burden you with my stress."

"Go ahead," Tegan prompted with an encouraging smile. This was a perfect opportunity to show she

was sorry; she was finally going to listen. "Burden away. I want you to."

"Then I must drop the terrible news on you, that sometimes things do not go the way you want

them to." Sara responded, something bitter adding a bite to her words.

"Come on, Sara." Tegan said through gritting teeth, frustration welling inside of her chest. "I'm trying

here."

"You want nothing to do with me. What are you doing here? Why are you speaking to me?"

"I told you, I just want to make things right-"

"Right for who?" Sara leaned over the table until their faces were mere inches apart. It took every

bit of Tegan's self-restraint to not drop her eyes to the parted lips so close to her own, knowing just

how soft they were. "Right for me? Or right for yourself? Or perhaps right for my mother so you can

retrieve your well-deserved paycheck?" Sara spat the words like she didn't believe Tegan had

rightfully earned the money she would be receiving very soon to which she frowned in offense. "I

have never met someone as selfish as you are. Never have I met a person whose sole intentions rely

only in her own comfort." Sara shook her head as she hissed her words so quietly, but the volume

did nothing to lighten the blow. "It disgusts me. You disgust me."

Tegan's palm slapped the wood of the table. Her annoyance was crawling at her throat, desperate to

escape her, but she refused to stoop as low as she had two days ago. Physically abusing inanimate

objects was all she could do to relieve the pressure of anger roaring in her gut. "Yeah, Sara, you

made it clear that you think I'm unattractive and gross." she growled through her bruised ego. Sara's

eyebrows were as expressive as a dog's tail as they lowered on her forehead as if she thought Tegan

was the world's biggest idiot. "But you're wrong about all of this. I'm not trying to make this right for

some fucked up, selfish reason. I'm trying to make this right for you. I know I messed up and I want

to fix things for you because I know how badly I made everything. I just want to fix things!"

Discerning, Sara only frowned in response.

"I'm sorry, Sara. I'm sorry I made you think so low of me that you think I'm such a selfish cow. I'm

sorry for what I said. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I'm just so sorry." Tegan bit her lip and looked

down at the dessert she had prepared. "Can you please take this? And possibly forgive me a little

while you're at it?"

Sara stared down at the plate, her lips pursed. "Dessert," she murmured. Tegan saw a flash of hope

and smiled timidly until the plate was being shoved across the table and smacked with a clatter

against her arms, "is not an apology." Sara stood from the table, her glower as dark as the cloudy sky

outside. "It is a bribe."

She spun on her heel and walked on light feet out of the room. Tegan stared at the seat she had

once occupied, face twisted into a scowl. She grabbed the fork from the plate and scooped up a

large portion of marshmallow and brownie, aggressively chewing with angrily smashing teeth.

The sweet flavor bursted on her tongue and she felt herself relax a fraction. Gooey marshmallow

clung to the roof of her mouth while the moist brownie practically dissolved in her mouth. Giving

herself a pat on the back for the rich flavor, she took a much more careful bite and huffed. She

wouldn't let Sara discourage her. She would just have to find a different route of apology.

Trailing behind Sara like a curious child after dinner, Tegan rambled endlessly in conversation. She

was going to give Sara what she had wanted; a conversation. She had wanted to know things about

her, yet Tegan had resisted and refused to give her information. Well, not anymore. She was going

to be an open book.

"Man, it's storming so bad." Tegan commented as they walked past a tall window. Sara said nothing

in response. "I used to be so afraid of storms as a kid. I would hide under my covers and do that

thing where you count in between thunder to see how far the storm is. I read that in a book once in

grade three and it made me feel better. Don't tell anyone, but sometimes I still do it. Storms always

made me wish I had a sibling, you know? Like, I'd get mad that I was an only child because I wanted

someone to, like… cuddle up with. But I've been told by people with siblings that I'm clearly an only

child if I think they actually curl up in bed during storms for comfort. I would do that if I had a

brother or sister. Would you? Do you ever get mad that you're an only child? Wait… are you one? I

don't really know a lot about your family."

Staring straight ahead, Sara was silent. Tegan gave a hum and nod as if Sara had responded. "I can't

really see you as the kid who would stomp around and demand your parent's make you a younger

sibling to play with. But I totally did that, even when my mum was single. I was like 'mum, make me

a sister' and then she sat me down and explained to me where babies come from and why it wasn't

possible for her to make me a sister." Tegan's nose wrinkled as she shuddered at the memory. "I

think that was the moment I realized I was a lesbian. Not in the way that I clearly understood 'cause

that didn't happen until I was fourteen when a boy kissed me on my porch after walking me home

from school which I totally did not want him to do but he demanded, but I think I knew somewhere

deep down that I wasn't interested in boys. I mean, I was nine, but… whatever. I don't think age

matters when it comes to that stuff. Whether you're five or eighty, you're allowed to know things

about yourself. Don't you think?"

Again, Sara had no response.

"But yeah, that dude, Mike, was my first kiss and it was awful. He shoved his tongue in my mouth so

I bit it and he practically ran away from my house and I laughed hysterically before going inside and

making Spaghetti O's. He wouldn't make eye contact with me for the rest of our school career and I

was sort of embarrassed about it in grade twelve, but then… but then I didn't care again. He

deserved it, I didn't want to kiss him and he knew it, but did it anyway. What an asshole, right?"

Tegan hopped up the stairs to match Sara's swift steps. "What was your first kiss like? Was it with a

boy?" Sara remained unresponsive. "Sara? Hey, Sara. Was your first kiss with a boy? Sara?"

"No." Sara gritted out shortly.

Tegan grinned at her small triumph. "Ah, so it was with a girl? I bet it was way better than mine then.

I had my first kiss with a girl when I was sixteen and I was obsessed. I thought I was in love with her. I

had a dream we got married that night, but then two weeks later I heard that she made out with

Miranda Reuess, this hot blonde girl a grade above ours and I was heartbroken. That's when I started

writing songs. I wrote this really terrible, angsty piano-heavy song about it and cried myself to sleep

for like, five months. I was ridiculous." Tegan rolled her eyes at her past self and gave a laugh despite

the fact that not much had changed with her love life. "When did you have your first kiss? I bet you

were pretty young. I'm not sure why, but you strike me as the type to get kissed at five. Am I right?"

Sara walked in the longest strides her short legs would allow; Tegan had to jog to keep up with her.

Her breathing was harsh from the exercise as they rounded the corner to their hallway.

"So are you ever going to play piano for me?" she asked expectantly as Sara opened her door. "I'd

really like to hear-" Sara disappeared into her room and the door closed in Tegan's face. "Oh, okay.

Goodnight, Sara." With a silent sigh, Tegan turned to walk to her own room, but not without adding

a chipper, "Good talk!"


	13. Satellites

With her arms crossed over her chest, fringe clinging to her lashes, and one foot propped on the wall,

Tegan felt a bit like a bully waiting to beat up a weaker schoolmate after class. But she was nothing if

not well-intentioned. Sara had not come down for breakfast yet again, and Tegan was taking it upon

herself to wait for an unbeknownst Sara to exit her room so she could pounce on her… with

conversation. Nothing else.

She didn't know how long she had been loitering in the hallway, but it felt like a damn long time had

passed. She stared lazily down the slope of her nose at the opposite wall, trying to catch even

smallest shuffle of feet on the other side of the door to announce life, but Sara was as silent as ever.

Perhaps she was asleep, Tegan pondered, even though it was ten and Sara was normally up by now.

Dropping her head against the wall, a yawn pulled at Tegan's jaw. She smoothed her palms across

the chest of her loose band t-shirt and hiked her bright purple jeans up higher on her waist while she

crossed her ankles; her foot was beginning to tingle with a numbing static.

She was so bored she worried her brain might swell and fall out of her ears to escape the blank slate

of uninteresting thoughts. She began to hum softly to fill the roaring silence as she mentally

scheduled her next tattoo appointment. There was a spot on her left bicep void of any ink and it was

just begging to be filled.

She tapped her restless fingers against her thighs. Her eyes were beginning to hurt against the bland,

white walls. The way the sun bounced off the floor was something she had long ago gotten used to,

but that didn't make any less irritating. Just as she lifted a hand to violently rub the sharp pain from

her retinas, Sara's door slipped open.

And what a sight for sore eyes Sara was. She was wearing a very soft looking, dark blue shirt tucked

into high-waisted gray trousers held up by a brown belt; her fringe was curly and falling over her

downcast eyes as she shut her door. There was something about Sara wearing a shirt instead of a

button up that removed the stiff, untouchable look to her taut body, and replacing it was

something… sweet and cuddly, which was odd because Sara seemed anything but cuddly when she

opened her mouth, yet as she moved silently without realizing Tegan's presence, she looked gentle.

Tegan's head rolled on her neck like a thrown rag doll as she resisted the urge to groan. Sara was so

fucking cute it hurt.

"Gooood morning, Sara!" she greeted perkily.

Sara glanced up from the floor and her mouth twisted in a vague look of annoyance. Tegan was

beginning to read the smallest twitches in her face in equivalence of the bold expressions that

morphed the faces of everyday humans. Sara was so subtle and restrained, but she was starting to

understand what the lifts of her brows and pulls to her lips meant. As if approaching a potentially

dangerous animal, Tegan's eyes calculated the tiniest changes in her face. It was amazing how she

could ignore Sara so determinedly for weeks and only pick up on small hints, but when she paid real

attention for a mere few days, she was growing close to an expert in the abstract art that was Sara

Clement. For being so subtle, she was actually kind of obviously understandable when one took

enough to time to actually look. "What do you want, cook?"

"Well, you weren't at breakfast again, which is really not healthy by the way-"

"My whereabouts are none of your concern." Sara interrupted, crossing her arms over her chest

with a purse to her lips.

"True." Tegan shrugged. "But I just thought we could talk. Like, have a little chat, you know? I'll ask

you stuff about why you talk like an old vampire-" Tegan peeked between her lashes, but Sara did

not crack a smile the way she had the night they kissed and Tegan called her that same thing. She bit

back a defeated sigh. "-and you can ask me why I'm so obnoxious and tell me about a device called a

hairbrush or something and then I can deflect your anger and tell you the story about how I didn't

brush my hair the whole year I was fifteen 'cause I thought I looked like a chick in a cool grunge

band." Tegan licked her dry lips. "Spoiler alert: I totally didn't, but I was convinced I did."

"As… thrilling as that conversation sounds, I am busy." Sara tucked her fringe behind her ear with

one flick of long, elegant fingers.

"Oh." Tegan harrumphed in disappointment. She was never going to make up for what she had said

if Sara didn't sit still for one goddamn minute. "What're you gonna do?"

"Though it's not any of your business, I am going off to the library. I need to use their computers."

Sara informed her stiffly.

"Their computers?" Tegan repeated, cocking her head to the side with a dubious gape. "Are you

telling me you don't have one computer in this place? Jesus Christ, are we in the stone ages?"

"Computers are this generation's drugs, so says mother." said Sara. "But I am in need of one to look

at available living spaces and job opportunities nearby. The newspaper is not at all helpful. There's

not enough printed on those small papers."

"How are you getting there? Do you drive?" Tegan questioned curiously.

"I do not drive. I would ask for father's driver to give me a ride, but he is out on duty with father. I

suppose I will walk." Sara shrugged carelessly.

Tegan hummed, mapping out the distance between the small library she had passed on the way to

the Clement's; it was a pretty far bike ride, and no doubt ten times longer on feet, especially under

the blazing hot sun. "Or… I could give you a ride."

Sara's eyes slit into suspicious lines, "Why on earth would you do such a thing?"

"Because I'm an awesome Samaritan, duh!" Tegan teased lightly. "Besides, the library would be a

long fucking walk and you're tiny. You might fall over from heat exhaustion and someone will have

to find you lying in a ditch. I'll have to live with the guilt of allowing you out there. C'mon, Sara, just

let me give you a ride." Sara hesitated uncertainly. "I should probably look at books anyway. I've

done nothing to stimulate my brain since I got here. I'm probably losing brain cells as we speak."

Sara's lips twitched into a small smirk; a sad ghost of the smile Tegan had lost her breath over. "We

definitely do not want that. You do not seem to have many to lose anyway. That would be dire."

Tegan rolled her eyes. "I'm taking that as a yes. I'm going to go get my sunglasses. Come on, asshole."

"What on earth is this?"

"It's my bike!" Tegan announced proudly, throwing one leg over the red bars to sit as comfortably as

one could on a bike's bulky seat. "I've had this bike since I was sixteen! I used to call it Rosie, but

then I realized that naming inanimate objects is probably weird. I was in a Psychology class and they

started talking about symptoms of people with all these different brain things and… I got worried for

myself, basically. So now I just call it my good ol' bike." She gave a fond pat to the handlebars.

"Cook." Sara rubbed a hand across her forehead with a look of exhaustion. "When you offered a ride,

I assumed you meant in a vehicle with stable seats and air conditioning."

"Oh, yeah, well… I don't have a car. Or a license, actually. But I've given people rides on my bike

before, so don't worry. You won't like, break an arm or anything. I know what I'm doing." Tegan

pointed to the metal bar just in front of her, "Just sit there and hold on and we'll be at the library in

no time!"

"You really have lost brain cells if you honestly believe that there is even a slim chance that you can

persuade me to sit on the bar of your bike like a barbarian." Sara stepped away from the bike like it

was an animal ready to attack her, shaking her head. "I would not put it past you to slam on your

brakes and send me flying through the air just for a laugh."

"Sara," Tegan frowned seriously. She desperately tried not to imagine Sara's eyes growing wide

before she flew in the air, fearful that she would accidentally let a laugh break through. She had an

ongoing issue of laughing at the most inappropriate times. "I would not."

"Even still, there is absolutely no way I am getting on that machine of death with you."

"Machine of death? Sara, it's a bike. You ride one when you're five and the worst that happens is

maybe you get a scraped knee. There's no danger." Tegan brought her foot down to throw the

kickstand back and balanced herself on the tips of her shoes against the winding pathway to exit the

stifling mansion. "What if you sat on the seat and I just pedaled in front of you then? We might have

to make pit stops 'cause I'm way out of shape, but… that could work, right?"

"I'm not entirely ecstatic at the fact that your… bum would be grinding into my lap the entire way."

Sara muttered in a tight voice, and Tegan caught sight of heated flush building on Sara's cheeks. "No

thank you." She turned on the small heel of her ankle boots and began to walk down the path.

Tegan watched her for a moment through the gray shield of her checkered sunglasses with a huff.

Only allowing herself a dose of defeat, she hurriedly jumped off her bike and walked it quickly to

catch up with Sara. "Well, don't think you're getting rid of me so easily, Sara. I told you I need to

stimulate my brain. I'm coming with."

Though Sara did not look her way, Tegan saw her jaw tighten and her lips twist. "You are immensely

irritating."

Tegan ignored that comment and lifted one hand from the handlebars to wipe the sweat from her

forehead, pushing her fringe to the side. She tipped her head back and squinted at the white rays

glinting through swaying tree limbs. "I love the summer," she spoke her thoughts. "It's my favorite

season. I love the barbeque smell, the sound of people talking outside, ice cream, swimming,

watching people play sports. I hate sports myself… like I was so bad in gym class because I just stood

there and all those overenthusiastic dudes would yell at me, but it's cool to watch other people kick

around a ball for some reason." They ventured out to the black gravel of the road and Tegan hopped

onto her bike. The crisp green leaves above them brushed together against the wind as the shade

they provided created pointed shadows over Sara's pale skin. "Some of my best childhood memories

come from summertime. My mum went to university so she was always busy with school and her

jobs, but over the summer she wasn't as busy and she'd take me to pools or we'd go on vacation to

the states to visit distant relatives and hang out on the beach. Just feeling how hot the sun is and

hearing birds chirp makes me nostalgic."

Sara didn't say anything in response, but Tegan could see that she was listening through the small

cock of her head and the occasional sideways glance her way, so she kept speaking. "Sometimes…"

Tegan paused, biting her lip. She pedaled slowly to match Sara's steps, listening to her tires tick and

pedals creak. "Sometimes it even makes me sort of, um… sort of miss my dad. He, uh… he sort

fucked off when I was a kid, but I still have all these memories of before that, you know? I can't help

but kind of miss the person I thought he was when I was four. He used to carry me on his shoulders

and give me bread to throw for birds when we went to beaches and he'd teach me new dishes he

had created when he made dinner. I miss that in the summer. I think that, uh, summer makes me

forgive him to some extent. There's something about togetherness in the summer that makes me a

softie, but I hate him the most in the winter. Isn't that weird? How seasons can have an effect to

things that have nothing to do with the weather."

"Winter is my favorite season." Sara spoke up softly.

Tegan looked over to her, surprised. She had drifted so far into her own thoughts as she spoke that

she almost forgot Sara was even there. Flashes of splashing arms in twinkling pools and her father's

deep voice calling her 'Teetee' distracted her world as she rambled, sucking her into the past and

making her heart ache. But Sara had been listening and Tegan felt victorious that she was speaking.

"Oh, yeah?" she prompted. "What do you like about it?"

"I quite enjoy the cold."

Disappointed by the lackluster response, Tegan looked out to the road. The trees lining either sides

of the black road created a peak in the distance, illuminated by the bright sun casting white hot rays

where the dots of faraway trees met in the middle. The wind was gentle and humid, cocooning them

in a hug of extra heat, but the arching tree limbs offered generous paths of darkened, cool outdoors.

If Emy was here, she would stop Tegan to take pictures as reference for a future painting, using the

shitty camera on her phone and mourning the fact that she hadn't brought a proper camera to catch

the boldness of the colors. As they grew further away from Sara's house and closer to the city, she

picked up children screaming back and forth, and their laughter made her grin.

"Your father, he left you and your mother long ago?" Sara questioned, breaking the silence with her

quiet voice even in the vastness of outside. Her shoes padded lightly against the street and her arms

swung carefully at her sides.

The topic of Tegan's dad made recycled, sluggish anger course through her veins. Her grudge

towards him clung to her heart with piercing nails, digging into the pumping organ and sparking pain

whenever he was mentioned. She would never forgive him for what he did. She would never be able

to erase the memory of the moon shadowing his face as he walked out of the front door, never to

return. She would never forget the shattered look of fear and panic on her mother's face as she

called for him to come back through her abundance of tears. He had been a selfish monster, focused

only on himself, and she could not allow Sara to see her the way she saw her father. She refused to

be aligned with him when it came to having a good heart. "Yeah, he did." her voice was dead,

protecting her thoughts. "It was kind of unexpected. I mean, he and my mum fought a lot, but… I

was shocked. I guess he didn't love us enough to stick around."

"Perhaps… I don't mean to overstep, but perhaps it is better you grew up in a home with one loving

parent rather than staying in a home with two fighting parents?" Sara suggested as the wind picked

her fringe up and draped it over her eyes like a curtain.

"In the end, that's what I decided. I couldn't really wrap my head around that as a kid. I just knew

that he had left and I hated him for it, but it definitely had its benefits and honestly, I wouldn't trade

my childhood with mum away for anything. I liked growing up in a single parent's home because my

mum was enough. I realized as a teenager that we were better off without him." Tegan sped up a bit,

pushing her body over the handlebars before turning and trailing around Sara in a slow circle. She

took this time to admire the slighter woman from all angles; enticing round bum in tight trousers,

the curve of her waist pronounced by her belt, the small swell of full breasts under her thin shirt.

Tegan shivered at the intense attraction burning a roaring fire in her gut.

"So, Sara," she pedaled slowly once more at Sara's side as they approached the city, the smell of

food in the restaurants heavy in the air as strangers occupied the sidewalks outside of shops, "Do

you know what you're going to do about this whole housing situation? I mean, two weeks to find a

place isn't a lot of time. And this week is almost over."

Sara was gazing out to the city as she responded, "You do not need to remind me of that." she licked

her lips and glanced towards Tegan, meeting her eyes briefly before looking away just as quickly. "I

greatly wish I could stay with Stacy until things became more stable, but… her family was there that

night. They know of my denial of marriage. I am not allowed in their home."

"So?" Tegan challenged. "You're as quiet as a fucking mouse. She should, like… hide you in her room

or something."

"That is not going to happen. I must find something quickly. Something, I cringe to say, cheap."

Something sorrowful clouded Sara's face as she dropped her chin to her chest. "Never did I think I

would be in this position." she mumbled.

"There's housing for LGBTQ people. I know it's usually for teenagers, but potentially… you're young.

You're only twenty-one. Maybe they'll let you in." Tegan suggested lightly. The absent sympathy

when Sara had informed her of her predicament was strong at the slump of Sara's shoulders. She

could only imagine how frightened Sara was; she might very well be homeless in a week after a

lifetime of lavish housing. She was about to abandon her entire life and start over from scratch and

even worse than that, from the bottom of the barrel and in a new place completely foreign to her.

She was never going to see her parents again and possibly not even her friends. Tegan's heart hurt

for her. "My mum is a social worker. Maybe I could call her and see if she can find any shelters or-"

"No." Sara's head was shaking with strong refusal. "Absolutely not. I will not disappear to a shelter. I

will not allow myself to fall so low. I will not give mother the satisfaction. I must prove myself. I must

prove that I can survive without my name. I-" She paused, her voice catching with emotion. She

cleared her throat, avoiding Tegan's eyes. "I will find myself a home." There was no hope or surety in

Sara, Tegan saw, but an intense thirst. She didn't believe she could do it, but she needed to and

Tegan respected that.

"Okay, Sara." she relented quietly. She weaved around a crowd of people huddled outside of a

coffee shop nearby the library and nodded. "Okay."

Getting out of the Clement's house and feeling the sun on her skin felt like a vacation. She had

needed this. She didn't realize how desperate she was to see the relaxed faces of strangers having a

day out in the city, sipping coffee and reading books on the floor of the library.

Getting up to cook three meals for the same people every day had become a tiny reality, a

suffocating world of unlikable humans trying to survive together in a mansion so big yet felt so small.

Getting out of there reminded Tegan that there was a world outside of that house and it was

beautiful. The colors seemed brighter, the sun warmer, faces so lively, the scent of food hanging in

the air sweeter. Though her time spent there was short, she had forgotten how expressive humans

generally were, and as a little boy peeked around the corner of a tall aisle of books to giggle and

wave at her with an enthusiastic hand, she grinned widely and waved just as ardently.

She walked to the back of the library while Sara disappeared to the computers, scanning the rows of

stacked books. A woman and man were cuddled in an arm chair, whispering and grinning with stars

in their eyes. She didn't feel bitter that she was alone for the first time since she had been dumped

nearly two years ago, but instead she only felt a sadness that she did not have someone to hold

hands with swell in her chest. She shook it off quickly to admire a cute blonde with a bun in her hair

and round glasses slipping off the bridge of her nose, buried in an open novel on the floor.

It was a bit too quiet for her taste, but it was a breath of fresh air just being out in the world again.

She trailed her finger over the rough spines of tattered books, well loved by all sorts of different

people over the past few decades. Libraries reminded her of old buildings; they held such history.

The list of names from those who had checked out the books were written in such different scripts –

some were hasty scribbles, others were careful and clear, some messy cursive – but they held pasts.

They were people who all came together to explore the same story and yet, they had never met. She

couldn't help but wonder if they would get along if they ever met. She wondered even more

intensely if some of these people had met and didn't even know it. The romance budding in that

idea made her fill with yearning as she grabbed a random book of the shelf and wandered to a lone

beanbag in a shadowed corner.

It sunk beneath her weight as she settled comfortably and cracked the book open. She ran her

fingertips along the yellowing pages as she scanned over the first page of crammed words,

wondering who else had read this very book before her and what hands would hold it in the future.

She had every intention to read, but instead got lost in people watching. She consumed how alive

such a silent building could be, so unlike her home for the past month. People were whispering, but

their smiles were so bright and their laughter hard to contain. The pitter-patter of a child running

amok alongside the hushed yell of their mother to be quiet, the riveted look of happy readers, the

clatter of fingers on keyboards – it all made her miss the real world.

She wished there was a television in here too.

Tegan had no idea how long she sat there just watching and listening, but it felt like ages had passed

before Sara rounded the corner and spotted her in the back.

"Any luck?" Tegan asked quietly, closing her book and craning her neck back to look up at Sara as

she stopped just before her.

"It seems as if one needs a job to rent an apartment and experience for a job. So, no." Sara replied

without having to lower her voice. Her normal pitch fit right in with the silence.

"You'll find something." Tegan offered her optimism as she climbed to her feet and set her unread

book down.

"Yes, perhaps." Sara pursed her lips solemnly.

Tegan frowned in compassion before noting the novel Sara was cradling to her chest like a schoolgirl

with a binder. "What've you got there?" she asked, trying to peek around Sara's thin forearms.

"Oh." Sara's eyes dropped to the floor almost shyly as she moved her arms down an inch for Tegan

to see the title. The familiar bold logo of The Hunger Games was immediately recognizable. Tegan

vaguely remembered mentioning it to Sara the day of the dinner party in an offhanded reference

before everything had gone array. 'I'll be sure to add that to my to-do list' she remembered Sara

saying, but she hadn't believed she really would. "I thought I would take a look at it."

Tegan could not repress her grin. "Come on," she said. "Let's go."

As they left the dimly lit library, Tegan slipped her sunglasses back on. "It was a long walk and I'm

sure you're tired, so just sit on my bike and I'll pedal us home." She paused in horror as her words

connected meaning. "Holy shit, I just referred to that place as my home."

Sara quirked a small smirk. "Soon neither of us will ever have to do so ever again. But I am still not

getting on that bike of yours, Tegan Rain."

The sound of her name on Sara's lips struck her odd and it was only then that she realized Sara had

not called her by it since she had spat her first name with such distaste the day of their fight. For

some reason, hearing it again made Tegan feel like she had dipped her toes in the shallow pool of

progress. It felt almost like a weird nickname to her ears whereas before, it felt like a mockery.

"Get on the bike, Sara."

"This will end in disaster-"

"It won't. I'll be safe. C'mon." Tegan grabbed her bike from where she had laid it against the brick

wall of the library and straddled the bar just in front of the seat. "Sit, Sara. We'll get there ten times

faster."

"With my additional weight-"

"You weigh nothing. I've lugged around way taller, heavier people. It'll be fine. Get on the bike."

Tegan demanded, shooting Sara a teasingly serious glower.

"What about my book?" Sara presented the question like she had won, but Tegan smirked in

response as she pointed to the small basket on the back of the bike that normally held Emy's

sketchbooks or her own backpack. Sara gave a small sigh. "Alright, you've worn me down. Just… be

careful, for the love of god."

With a triumphant grin, Tegan watched Sara carefully place the book inside the basket before lifting

one leg over the bike to seat herself. "I feel like a fool. I've not been on a bike since I was a very small

child and that did not end well."

"What happened?" Tegan asked, looking over her shoulder to watch Sara situate herself.

"I may have crashed into my mother's hydrangea shrubs." Sara admitted with an embarrassed twist

to her lips.

Tegan snorted in amusement at the imagery of a helmet and shin guarded, tiny Sara flying into thick

bushes. "Did you get hurt?"

"I was a bit scratched up. Mother took my bike away and I never saw a sight of it again." Sara

responded.

Scowling in hatred for the elder woman, Tegan turned around. "Put your hands on my waist and

then we can go. Hold on tight. If you fall off, it'll be your own fault."

Sara muttered unintelligibly as the cool press of her hands gripped either of Tegan's hips. A thrill

shot straight to Tegan's core at the touch. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and closed her

eyes for a moment, recovering from the need stirring between her thighs. It was hardly sexual, but

the wrap of Sara's fingers digging lightly into her hipbones made Tegan want to swivel around and

smash their lips together. She couldn't stop the images of herself grinding into Sara's open legs,

having the aid of Sara's hand placement help her along to bring them both to euphoria. Scrunched

brows and breathy whimpers invaded her brain before she cleared her throat and opened her eyes.

"Ready?" The words came out husky.

"I suppose." Sara responded, voice too close and Tegan felt her breath brush her sensitive ear before

she hopped off her feet and found the pedals with an aggressive push forward. Sara's hands

tightened around her flesh as her body jolted forward at the momentum and Tegan felt the brief,

but unmistakable brush of her breasts against her tense back.

Her teeth abused her bottom lip as she zipped them through the city without any trouble. She

weaved around strangers, focused solely on the wind slapping her face and Sara's hands clutching

her hips. Sara had been right earlier and with every push down on pedals, her bum brushed the top

of Sara's lap until she lifted herself an inch so she was practically standing. Her ass was no doubt

directly in the other woman's face, but that was better than the pressure of arousal every time she

made contact with Sara's crotch.

Her hair danced around her face as she passed stopped cars until they were on the back road to

Sara's house. They rode in silence as Tegan went from fast pedals to gliding freely forward in a

rhythmic cycle through the shade. She listened to the hum of the tires meeting the road as the

muscles in her thighs burned from exertion and her hands began to sweat around the handlebars.

As they grew closer to the house, Sara's hands made a slow journey around Tegan's waist, moving to

lace together just beneath her navel. Her stomach exploded with fluttering butterflies at the brush

of Sara's fingertips through her thin t-shirt, causing her muscles to tighten and clench. She forced

herself to stay focused on the road ahead, but one half of her attention was focused on the feeling

of Sara's palms pressed into her stomach. She was thin and lightly muscled from genetics, but she

sucked her stomach in the slightest bit just in case Sara thought she felt a bit too soft. She hadn't

done any exercise since her time at the Clement's and, irrationally and rather stupidly, she didn't

want Sara to think her pudgy in any sense of the word. She didn't really know why she cared, but she

did. Sara had already made it clear that she didn't have any sexual attraction to Tegan, so when her

stomach began to cramp from effort, she let herself go lax for the need of comfort and didn't linger

too much in it.

Tegan scoured the grounds until she found the familiar winding pathway to the front door and

dropped her feet to the ground. She turned back and watched as Sara hopped off the bike with

grace no one else would be able to accomplish in such a situation. Her cheeks were darkened into a

light shade of pink as she retrieved her book and hugged it to her chest like a child with its favorite

toy. Tegan deducted the color in her cheeks to the heat outdoors.

"See? We're here and without one bruise." She swung over the bike and began to walk it up the

pathway. She looked at Sara, who was staring straight ahead with eyes so far away Tegan couldn't

help but sigh in solicitude. "You'll find a place, Sara. Don't worry too much."

"Hmm?" Sara turned to her in surprise as if shaken from her dreams. "Oh, yes. The apartments. I will

continue to search."

Tegan gave chuckle at the faint distance in Sara's voice. "You're a weirdo." she accused.

"Yes and you are insufferable." Sara responded, but there was a lack of bite in the insult. It was the

closest Tegan had gotten to before, when Sara had attempted to speak with her before any of this

had ever happened. She took it as a sign that she was getting closer to forgiveness and smiled at

Sara, showing off her gums in the smile her mother often affectionately referred to as 'ridiculously

nerdy'.

Sara eyed her expression and Tegan saw her lips twitch before they were sucked into her mouth and

she turned away to open the front door. "I suppose I should thank you."

Tegan shrugged, dragging her bike to rest against the house in the soil. "Not really. You don't need

to."

"Good." Sara declared with a satisfied nod. "The idea of thanking you churns my stomach a bit."

As Sara turned and made her way inside, Tegan rolled her eyes at her back behind her shades.


	14. Oddly Endearing

"Can I ask you something?"

"I'd really rather you didn't, as I am clearly attempting to read." Sara's eyes did not lift from the

open novel in her hands as the wind flapped the pages and dusted her hair across her forehead.

"We both know that's not gonna stop me." Tegan grinned, leaning into Sara's personal space on the

small bench.

"Unfortunately, yes. I am aware of that fact. Has anyone ever told you that you are annoyingly

persistent?"

With a grin, Tegan nodded. She had that annoyingly persistent trait to thank for countless dates in

the past. "You have no idea."

"I feel as if there are stories in that sentence."

With a chuckle, Tegan explained, "When I have a crush on a girl, I'm like a puppy. I follow her around

and try to woo her and take up all her available time until she gives in and dates me." She cringed as

Sara's eyes drifted over to her. "I realize now as I'm saying that out loud, it sounds like I'm doing that

to you, but I promise I'm not."

Sara's gaze dropped back to her lap. "Of course you're not."

"So anyway, my question. Were you in love with Penelope?"

"Of course not." Sara answered without hesitation, looking up from the first few pages of The

Hunger Games to look at Tegan as if she were extremely daft.

Tegan cocked her head inquisitively, "Why not?"

"Love, Tegan Rain, is an illusion I do not fool myself into believing." Sara replied blandly, as if reading

from a boring short story Tegan would have slept through in English class.

"Well, that's depressing." Tegan muttered, sitting back and leaning more comfortably against the

bench as it creaked beneath her weight. She looked out to the pool; the sparks of light from the sun

catching the windy ripples in the water were dimmed from her sunglasses. She thought back to her

past relationships, and how happy love had made her in the past. Her heart had felt too full for her

chest, her head in the clouds, and her emotions all over the place, higher on the scale of pleasant

than ever before. But it had also destroyed her, taking her to the floor as she sobbed against the

carpet while her heart felt as if it were trying to force its way from her body. She couldn't really

imagine Sara allowing herself to feel so strongly. "It makes sense that you would think that, though,

what with your parents and everything. You've never really seen love, so of course you don't believe

in it." she reasoned.

"Do you believe you have been in love?" Sara dog-eared her page and set her book aside, turning to

look at Tegan with a raised brow.

"Oh, I know I have been. No question." Tegan affirmed with an assured nod.

"You've had many girlfriends?" Sara asked.

"I mean, I've really only had two solid, real relationships. I've had other girlfriends and I've dated a

lot of girls, like… a lot." Tegan gave Sara a smug grin, "A lot. But only two girls really lasted. I dated

one from my second to last year in high school until the second semester of my first year in

University. Her name was Jen and I fell in love with her the day I met her. She was standing outside

of biology class and laughing with her friends, and I… just… I knew. I was in love." Sara's brows

scrunched and Tegan laughed, "Give me that look all you want, but it was love at first sight. She was

beautiful, funny, sweet… the total package for a sixteen year old. But then when I was nearly

eighteen, what I wanted changed after we graduated. I started to stray from her and got really

focused on my schooling, you know? So she dumped me and I was single for a while, but I can't be

single for too long. I hop right back on the train and date anyone I find even remotely interesting. It

was good for me to date around, though. I didn't want to settle at nineteen and there are so many

cute girls at school. Culinary Arts really reels babes in." Tegan waved a hand to present herself with a

gummy grin, "Obviously."

Sara looked one step away from rolling her eyes as she asked, "And this other girl?"

"Her name was Theresa." Tegan sighed. "I met her in a bar when I was nineteen and I wanted her to

be my girlfriend immediately. She didn't instantly want to be with me so I had to work for her and it

was exhausting and upsetting, but eventually she agreed and I was stoked. We didn't last long at all,

but she meant so much to me. We've been done and over for nearly two years, but I still get kind of

bothered when I think about her."

"Why is that?" Sara questioned. The sun was beaming down on her face, lighting her dark eyes to

emerald green jewels that left Tegan enraptured as she babbled. A golden ring wrapped around the

glinting greens before her pupils exploded into dark color, shrunken into pinpoints beneath the

beaming sun.

"We kept fighting." Tegan shrugged, picking at a loose string on her t-shirt. "She wasn't out to her

family and would freak out whenever I tried to hold her hand in public. She was so paranoid that her

family would somehow find out about it, and even though I understood, it still hurt. It brought up all

this tension and then we started fighting about anything and everything. It got to the point that we

couldn't get along at all. We were always shouting at each other and eventually, it wore us both

down and we broke up. I spent a lot of time crying after that and dated anyone who would look my

way." Shame twisted in her gut. "I'm only just getting to the point where I don't want that anymore.

I've been working at finding a stable relationship again for the past few months instead of just

having a date and making out with some girl I just met, only to never see her again. It's kind of a

hard transition, though. I've gotten so comfortable being alone that I don't really remember how

relationships work which is why I'm still single. I want love, though." Tegan bit her lip. "I crave it like

an addict."

"Perhaps you like the idea of love more than you enjoy love itself." Sara piped up.

"No way!" Tegan gave a disbelieving laugh. She wasn't even going to allow herself to drift down that

thought; the idea of love, as well as the real thing, mattered too much to her for it to be depicted in

such a way. "You're a downer."

One of Sara's shoulders lifted in a shrug as she looked out to the pool, allowing her fringe to whip

across her face. "I suppose I should take that back, as I am hardly an expert."

"Tell me about Penelope." Sara turned and gave Tegan a small frown. "It's only fair, Sara."

Sara sighed, her chest rising and falling gently. She tucked her hair behind her ear, sitting silently for

a moment. She seemed to be debating whether or not she wanted to speak, but when she caught

sight of Tegan's expectant eyebrow raise, she gave in. "Penelope was the daughter of one of father's

employees."

"Mhmm?" Tegan hummed, leaning her elbow on her thigh and resting her chin on her fist to lean

forward with interest.

"We met at a dinner party when we were seventeen and instantly clicked. We were foolish

teenagers." Sara's voice was void of emotion. "I thought her rather lovely and she thought me

enthralling, so she said. She would come along with her father for business meetings and I would

drag her to my room to share kissing sessions."

"Was she your first kiss?" Tegan questioned.

Sara scoffed lightly, "Oh, hardly! My first kiss was with a rather enthusiastic girl by the name of

Christina when I was seven years old. She forced herself onto me, yet I was far from upset about it. I

believe she was the beginning of my slippery slope of attracting heterosexual women."

"I knew it!" Tegan cried. "I knew you got kissed really early on. I was right!"

"I was not five years of age like you assumed, however." Sara countered.

Tegan waved her off with a wave of her hand. "Whatever, I was close." Her face morphed into a sly

grin, "Was Penelope the first girl you ever had sex with?"

Sara responded to Tegan's look with her own smirk, "Of course not. I had already brought many

women to countless closets by then."

"Of course you had," Tegan rolled her eyes. "You trollop." she joked.

"You're one to talk," Sara retorted light-naturedly. It made Tegan feel as if they were teasing each

other like old friends. "I believe you just admitted to sharing a grotesque amount of saliva with your

own amount of countless women."

"Yeah, but I wasn't making love to all of them." Tegan defended herself.

Sara's smirk intensified as her eyes sparked mischievously, "Neither was I. There was no love in the

touches I have placed on those women."

"I refuse to believe you weren't in love with Penelope, though." Tegan backtracked.

"Believe it, Tegan Rain." Sara carefully crossed one leg over the other and placed her hands in a clasp

at her lap. "I had affection for her, sure. But love? Absolutely not."

"Did you cry when she moved?"

"I do not cry." Sara responded robotically. Tegan rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. Do you think you could ever fall in love?" she questioned.

Sara turned to her, eyes roaming from Tegan's curiously raised brows to bitten bottom lip. Her eyes

were caged, hiding her thoughts and emotions in a tight hold. But Tegan could see how they were

warming again; the ice that had encased them after her bruising words was melting off, drip by drip.

"I believe I said that love is nothing but an illusion."

"Okay, well, do you think you'll find someone who makes you think otherwise, then?" Tegan revised.

Sara paused. She seemed to contemplate Tegan's face before tearing her eyes away to look out to

the lush green field of grass dancing in the wind. "I doubt it, but that remains to be seen." That was

all it took for Tegan to see that Sara was being elusive again, slipping into thoughts Tegan could not

reach. She was drifting too far away and Tegan had to change the subject to pull her back.

"So, did you go to an all girls private school or something? I can't imagine you going to public school,

like… at all."

"I wish." Sara smirked and Tegan couldn't help but chuckle and nod her agreement. "But no, I was

tutored by a woman that went by the name of Ms. Rita. She tutored small groups of children in the

particular rooms of our respective housing. Rob and I were often in the same group and I refuse to

believe that was coincidence. There were only about five children in each group, but we were not

allowed to speak. Education is taken very seriously, especially by mother. If Ms. Rita ever informed

her I was whispering to anyone, I would be revoked all my privileges and there were not many to be

taken away in the first place."

"Is that why you're so quiet?" Tegan eyed her curiously. "Because you weren't allowed to act like a

normal kid and talk to your friends?"

"No. Perhaps it was an adaptive behavior? Mother abhors any noise above respectable volume or

outbursts of emotion." Sara trailed her finger across the spine of her book and Tegan's eyes watched

avidly from behind her shield of shades. "That is why I do my breathing exercises."

Tegan looked away from Sara's slow finger, her brows knitted. "Breathing exercises?"

Sara nodded, "When I feel an abundance of emotion or I fear that I will make a scene, I hold my

breath for a moment until I recuperate and am calm once more. It helps sufficiently to keep me from

raising my voice or acting out."

Horror and sympathy meshed in a messy boulder on Tegan's chest. She thought back to the day they

fought and realized with a huge dose of sadness that Sara had been doing those exercises the entire

time they were in the music room. "How long have you been doing that?" she asked softly.

"Since I was a young child. I realized very early that making a fuss was not allowed." Sara told her.

"But I did not realize I was particularly withdrawn, to be honest."

"Are you kidding?" Tegan's eyes bugged out her skull. "I doubt you could even reach a 'respectable

volume'! You're the quietest person I've ever met. Everything you do is like a baby is sleeping in the

same room."

Sara cocked her head to the side, "No one has ever informed me of that. I did not know. Is it

bothersome?"

"No," Tegan amended quickly. With a mother like Sara's, she was sure Sara searched for approval

without even realizing it. She didn't want to tell her the way she moved or spoke was annoying when

Sara believed the opposite of her actions were aggravating to her mother – she would no doubt be

lost on how to function and Tegan was not going to be the one to make her feel that way. "It's just

something I've noticed, but it's no big deal. I thought maybe it was a rich kid thing, but your friend

Stacy doesn't move like you do."

"Stacy has a rather lively twin brother. She has no need to be quiet." Sara reasoned, moving her

novel to cradle against her chest, something Tegan had noted her doing very often.

"I've gotten so used to you. It's going to be weird to go back to my apartment and hear my

roommate all the time." Tegan spoke her thoughts aloud, tipping her head back to soak the sun into

her skin. She closed her eyes behind her sunglasses and hummed contently. "I'm going to miss your

backyard, though. It's peaceful."

"As am I." Sara all but whispered.

Tegan peeked her eyes open to see Sara looking down at her lap and sighed. She hesitated for a

moment before placing a hand on Sara's shoulder. The muscle tensed beneath her touch, but Sara

didn't rip away and that was enough encouragement for Tegan to pat her back gently. "I've got to

make lunch in a few minutes. I could spit in your mum's portion, if you want." she offered in a light

attempt at a joke.

Sara released a small chuckle, not looking up from her laced fingers. "I should not be surprised by

that utterly barbaric offer, but I am."

"Well, I was raised in a barn, remember?" Tegan grinned, referring to Sara's old joke. Sara's lips

tugged into a smirk. "Obviously I'm not really going to, but I could make something hot and make

hers extra spicy." Tegan paused. "Actually, no. I'm still not going to do that because I want that

paycheck in a few days."

Sara's eyes held questions when they connected with hers. "You realize that I still do not understand

why you are approaching me like this, Tegan Rain?"

Tegan frowned, taking her hand back and lifting her head off the bench. "What do you mean?"

"I understand that you are sorry for what you said to me. Your attempt at apologizing makes sense."

Sara pursed her lips and brushed her hair from her eyes as the wind caused it to tickle her nose. "But

you said you could not stand me, and yet here you are, speaking to me out of your own volition. It is

very puzzling to me."

Tegan sighed and ran a hand over her face. "After I said that, I saw something in you. I saw more

than what I thought was there. It… I don't know, it made me interested." She shrugged. "Call me

crazy, but I'm curious about you."

Sara peeked through thick black lashes as she repeated faintly, "You're curious of me?"

"One may say riveted." Tegan adapted Sara's odd way of speaking. She straightened her back into a

board and lifted her nose into the air as she referred back to one of the first things Sara ever said to

her. She kept the posture and gave Sara a sideways glance as she added loftily, "You are absolutely

riveting, Sara Clement. Show me thou life at once!" She slumped back over and gave a bark of

obnoxious laughter. "Was that good? Did I sound like you? I tried to talk like I was in an old play or

some shit."

Sara gazed at her. Slowly, her lips tugged and suddenly Tegan was staring back at that brilliant smile.

Her heart skipped as her own smile grew, aching at her cheeks. Under the sun, Sara's eyes were alive.

Her smile gleamed while her pale face glowed, brightened by the oddly endearing smile playing on

her red lips. The laugh lines around them were not deep, showcasing how repressed she has been,

but they were indeed present. Her eyes crinkled and her nose scrunched up the faintest bit as that

airy laugh slipped past her barrier.

Tegan was staggered; it sounded like forgiveness.

"I have never once uttered the word 'thou', Tegan Rain." she giggled. Tegan's heart stuttered again

and she feared a medical emergency at the palpitations in her chest.

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't put it past you." Her voice was breathy; oxygen escaping her. "Anyway." she

cleared her throat and stood. "I've got to go prepare lunch."

Sara gave an understanding nod, clutching her book to her chest.

"Your mum better watch out. I'm a dangerous, gay cook set out for the revenge of wronged souls."

Tegan lifted her sunglasses on her forehead to wink in clear view before dropping them back to the

bridge of her nose. She turned around, her Converse sinking into the grass as she tossed her head

back to laugh evilly up at the clear blue sky, "Mwahaha!"

She rushed across the field, but as she was turning to walk around the house to reach the front door,

she chanced a glance over her shoulder. Sara was staring down at her closed book, her smile large

and unwavering.

"Do you like the book so far?" Tegan rested her chin on her hands as they laid flat against the dining

room table, peering at Sara from across the wood. She glanced up at Martin as he removed the dirty

plates from a devoured dinner, smiling in passing. He grinned down at her with a twinkle in his eye.

"I would not know, as you have not allowed me to properly indulge in its pages."

"Then I should leave you alone so you can go upstairs and read. Then we could have like, a book club

thing." Tegan proposed. She lifted her head to roll the sleeves of her uniform up her forearms before

resting once more.

"No." Sara shook her head. "No, you may continue your leeching conquest to bother me."

"Leeching conquest to bother you." Tegan scoffed, resting her cheek on her hand and looking at Sara

sideways. "You're ridiculous. Who even thinks to say shit like that? And don't even pretend like

you're bothered by me, Sara. I'm a good time."

"Your ego is as large as this room." Sara leaned her straight back into the chair, crossing her arms

over her chest. The sun was setting in the window, casting golden hues over Sara's faces, catching a

red tint to her dark hair. The shadows made her jaw look even sharper than usual, pronouncing the

tendons in her neck that Tegan could not look away from.

"I have reason for it to be." Tegan joked, tossing her hair from her eyes dramatically. "Anyway, I

wanted to ask how your search for an apartment is going."

"Oh. Not so well." Sara brushed her hair from her eyes and sighed despondently. "I admit I really am

beginning to fret. I haven't any job experience and I haven't any money if mother does not lend me

any. And she refuses."

Teeth gritting together, Tegan shook her head as a burst of anger exploded in her veins. "That's so

wrong. So fucked up. You have to talk to her, Sara. You have to try and persuade her to give you

more time or money. She can't just expect to thrust you in a world you don't even know without

proper time or money. She's your mom. She has to listen to you and care even a little bit if she sees

you're worried."

"Mother is not the type of coddling caregiver you are so obviously accustomed to, Tegan Rain. She

will not-"

"She is right, Miss Sara." Martin spoke from behind Tegan, who turned around in surprise. "You must

at least try, if nothing else. It is important for your safety and well-being."

Sara pursed her lips. "Martin, you know mother will not-"

"You will never know if you don't try, Miss." Martin grabbed the last dirty dish from the table and

gave Sara a strong look of persuasion. "At least try or you will never know."

Sara's brows knitted the smallest bit as she watched him walk into the kitchen, the door swinging

shut behind him.

Tegan turned back around and gave a bright grin, "See? I'm right. You should try."

White teeth trapped Sara's bottom lip and Tegan's attention was drawn in like a moth to a flame.

"Perhaps. I shall think it over."

"Cool," Tegan said to Sara's lips. "Think sooner rather than later, though. 'Cause I'm leaving before

you in four days and I don't wanna worry that you haven't even tried."

Sara gave an incredulous scoff, "You will not worry about me, Tegan Rain."

"I will, as much as it pains me to admit." Tegan enforced with genuine conviction. She couldn't

explain it to even herself, but she cared. She chalked it up to concern for another human being, but

some part of her admitted that it was Sara she was specifically uneasy about. They were friends to

some extent. Sort of. At least she thought so. "So try, okay?"

Sara searched her face before giving in, "Okay." she agreed softly. "I suppose it's worth a try."


	15. Vulnerability

It was crazy to think that in three days, Tegan would be back at home and living her life in normalcy

once again. It felt like just yesterday, she was gaping up at the mansion, having no idea what to

expect. Time had seemed to fly, while simultaneously creeping slower than a snail. And as weird as it

was to admit it, she knew the clocks would have all but stopped if not for Sara's presence. She had

helped time slide, whether it was from bothering her in the beginning or distracting her with seeking

forgiveness. She didn't want to imagine how utterly bored out of her skull she would have been if

the Clement's were childless.

There was a relieved pep in her step as she went through the mundane tasks of the morning. The

knowledge that she would be sleeping in her own bed, cocooned by the comforting scent of home,

after just two more sleeps in the stiff and somehow still unfamiliar guest bed was thrilling. In just

three days, she would be resting her feet in Emy's lap while they binge watched any available show

on Netflix, throwing popcorn into each others mouths and relying their separate experiences apart.

She had done it. She had made it.

It was odd that some part of her was saddened by those facts. In three days, she might never see

Sara again and for some reason, that was upsetting. She was going to miss their back and forth,

living in bafflement at the odd way Sara spoke, and seeing that goddamn gorgeous smile. How Sara

had gone from a thorn in her side to some weird friend, Tegan didn't know, but she had and she was

going to miss her. Not to mention, worry about her endeavors out in the fresh world. Perhaps they

would run into each other one day and if she was lucky, make out again while they caught up – but

she needn't worry about that now, as they still had a few days left in each others company.

She passed Sara in the hall on the way to make breakfast and shot her a grin, showcasing her gums

and the top row of her teeth.

"Good morning, Tegan Rain." Sara greeted, nodding in response to the smile sent her way. Tegan

tried not to feel disappointed that she didn't smile back.

"Good morning, Sara!"Tegan gave her a friendly punch on the shoulder, to which Sara's eyebrows

shot up her forehead.

"You are in an exceptionally good mood this morning, I see. Do you often abuse innocent bystanders

when you are pleased?" Sara quipped.

Tegan rolled her eyes, "That was hardly abuse. I'm just excited! I leave to go home in three days, you

know."

Looking down to the floor, Sara's lips melted into her mouth a soft hum. "Yes, it seems you are."

"Are you gonna miss me?" Tegan teased, leaning closer to waggle her brows knowingly.

"Of course not." Sara denied with a quick shake to her head. "One would have to be proclaimed

medically insane to ever wish to be harassed by the likes of you."

"You totally are. You're gonna miss me," Tegan chuckled, pleased. Sara was so full of shit. "Don't

worry, no one would blame you."

Sara's head cocked to the side with a look of vague annoyance; Tegan had decided that look was her

equivalent to an eye roll. "Anyway," Tegan continued. "Are you going to talk to your mum today?

About giving you more time to look for an apartment, I mean."

Sara's back straightened with determination as she gave a stiff nod. "I am going to approach her

with little hope, however. This is a lost cause, Tegan Rain. Mother will not hand me any money or

give me any time. Of this, I am sure."

"Good luck, you fucking pessimist!" Tegan beamed, a proud lion roaring in her chest. Sara was finally

stepping up for herself. "My fingers are crossed for you." She walked backwards towards the end of

the hall as her internal clock reminded her that breakfast was still necessary. "Oh, and I guess I'll

miss you too or whatever. Just a little though."

Breakfast was over long ago, but Tegan had been loitering in the kitchen for two hours. The black

sleeves of her uniform were rolled up to her elbows as she finished up her last batch of Oreo balls.

After catching sight of the Oreos in the pantry, her mouth watered and the idea sparked a light in

her mind and before she knew it, she had a bowl full of chocolaty treats.

She crushed the last few cookies with her knife before sprinkling the crumbs over the dark chocolate

shell of her desserts. She decorated them in a swirl of chocolate sauce before popping one into her

mouth. Sweet cream cheese mixed with the cookies in a delightful combination and she gave a

satisfied moan.

Collecting ten little circles of diabetes, she placed them onto a plate and made her way upstairs as

she chewed the remains of her eaten dessert. She passed Sara's room, picking up on the sound of

hushed voices through the wood as she slipped into her own room. She placed the plate on her bed

before leaving once more to wash the scent of cooking from her hands.

As she toweled off her hands, she heard Sara's door creak open and the voices grew louder. Her

hand lingered over the doorknob indecisively as she nibbled on her lip. She could hear the low

conversation happening in the hallway and there was no way she could bypass them without being

noticed. Though she tried not to pry, she couldn't help but hear the softest pitch of Sara's voice

before her mother's tight drawl was overbearing it. Sara's father spoke sparsely, his rumbling timbre

standing out against the women's quiet words.

Curiosity killed the cat and Tegan pressed her ear against the door to listen in. At this closer

proximity, the words were far clearer. The three family members must have been standing just

outside Sara's door for Tegan to hear them so clearly.

"Do you understand me, Sara?" she heard Mrs. Clement's reserved anger. "You have made your

choice. You chose to humiliate your father and I by denying that poor boy. You chose homosexuality

over your family. You have no one to blame of your future misfortune but yourself."

Tegan cringed in sympathy of those harsh words, rage bubbling in her blood.

"I understand that, mother," Sara's reply was so faint Tegan had to strain to hear. "However, I urge

you to think rationally-"

"How dare you!" her mother hissed. "Don't you dare tell me I'm not thinking rationally."

"I'm sorry. That was a poor choice of words." Sara quickly backtracked. "I only meant that two weeks

was not possibly enough time to find a new home. I haven't any job experience. You cannot possibly

allow me to leave without any money to support myself."

"I can and I will. This is your bed to lie in. What you do when you leave is based purely upon you. I

will not be offering my money to a homosexual." Tegan swallowed thickly as thoughts of her

paycheck rushed through her brain.

"Father," Sara seemed to switch tactics, her voice approaching on pleading as desperation caught up

with her. "Please. I cannot find a home without money. You cannot allow mother to do this-"

"Allow me? Whatever happened to that long, rambling lecture of feminism you once dished out to

our poor ears?"

"This isn't about feminism, mother. It's about-" There it was again, that awful catch in Sara's voice,

the one that had occurred when Sara had informed her she was being shunned. "It's about the love

of a parent to their child."

"Love?" Her mother scoffed. "Sara, do not be naïve. Any love I had for you diminished the moment I

happened upon that disgusting act you called kissing with that terrible Penelope girl. It was a

strenuous burden to hold beforehand, but after seeing that perversion I was relieved of it

completely."

Silence followed that statement. Tegan felt tears prickle at her eyes as she stared in blind horror of

what she had just overheard. Her heart broke for Sara. She didn't dare try to imagine her own lovely,

sweet mother saying those words to her. The mere idea killed her.

"Father loves me." Sara whispered. Tegan's heart tore to shreds.

"Your father's tolerance for you is fading even further away the longer you stand her and babble an

argument you will lose. You will not be given your inheritance, we will not be helping you find a

home, and you will leave this home on the day we declared. End of discussion."

Sara did not attempt to argue and moments later, Tegan heard the claps of heels fading in the

distance until everything was silent yet again. She hesitated for a moment. She and Sara were

getting along better, but was it her place to offer comfort? Sara could possibly get angry at her for

listening in, but Tegan knew that if it was her, she would be seeking comfort. But Sara wasn't like her

– and yet, she remembered, Sara had looked to her for comfort before. Tegan had denied her last

time, but this time she was going to approach her for it. She was going to make up for her past

insensitivity.

With a deep breath, she twisted the bathroom doorknob and slipped out. Sara was standing outside

of Tegan's own closed door, her head bowed and her bottom lip bitten. Her hand, clutched in a

slight fist, was loitering above the door indecisively, as if she wanted to speak to Tegan, but could

not make up her mind to knock or not. Tegan decided to save her the decision.

"Sara."

Like a child caught stealing cookies before dinner, Sara's hand dropped to her side as she turned

around. Tegan blinked; that was the quickest she had ever seen Sara move. "Oh, Tegan Rain," Sara

cleared her slightly hoarse voice. "I was just-"

"I overheard your conversation. I'm sorry, I couldn't help it." Tegan took quick steps forwards until

they were only a few inches apart. "Are you okay?" she whispered.

Sara blinked, "I believe you told me you were not my source of comfort-"

"I was being an asshole when I said that. I wasn't thinking about your feelings and that was wrong.

I'm sorry." Tegan interrupted adamantly. "Are you okay, Sara?"

"Yes, of course I am." Sara's voice was strong, but the dark buildup in her eyes was contrary

evidence.

Tegan shook her head. She knew not to believe that for one second. "Come here," she grabbed

Sara's wrist and dragged the stiff bodied woman into her room.

"Tegan Rain, get your hand off my person." Sara instructed with a sniff of outrage.

Tegan rolled her eyes, but did as she was told. She closed her door behind them and walked over to

her plate of desserts. Retrieving one, she walked back over to Sara. "Use your mouth for something

other than spitting out weird words and chew this."

Sara crossed her arms over chest, quirking a brow at the ball of chocolate in Tegan's hand. "What on

earth is that? How do I know you have even washed your hands-"

Impatient, Tegan popped the dessert into Sara's moving mouth before she could protest. Sara stared

at her in stunned silence, her lips parted around the Oreo ball enough to make Tegan chuckle at the

unusual sight. "It's an Oreo ball. Eat up. It'll make you feel better."

With a glower in her eyes, Sara could do nothing but chew with as much dignity as she could muster.

She swallowed after a few moments and lifted a hand to wipe away the smudge chocolate clinging

to her lips. "My god, you really were raised in a barn." she tsked. "That was unbelievably rude."

Tegan scoffed. "I shoved chocolate in your mouth. You should be thanking me. Did you like it?"

"I suppose there could have been worse things rammed into my mouth." Sara muttered reluctantly.

A smirk lit up Tegan's face as she waggled her brows, "You're a filthy lady."

"That is not at all what I was referring to!" Sara hurriedly gasped, causing Tegan to throw her head

back with a short laugh. "You are the filthy woman, Tegan Rain."

"You have no idea." Tegan sent Sara a wink. A pink color painted Sara's cheeks as she averted her

gaze, striking Tegan as completely odd. She eyed her in confusion before chalking it up to a sadness

flush. She had read about that in a book once. "So, anyway, are you okay? I'll keep asking 'til you

answer honestly."

"Mother refuses to give me any time or money to help, and that's alright. I will get by." Sara gave a

half-hearted shrug, but she looked deflated. "I will… somehow get along. I merely have not figured

out how as of yet."

"Have you gone to University? You could pick up some classes and live in the dorms." Tegan

suggested.

"I have not been to school." Sara shook her head. "But University requires money, Tegan Rain. Even

with finical help, I would not have the money to get myself along. I literally have no cent to my

name." she deadpanned.

"Oh. Right." Tegan scratched her head. "What're you gonna do?"

"I-" Sara paused, her voice catching. Her eyes searched the room as if the walls held secret answers

Tegan could not see before releasing a low sigh. "I'll admit I don't know. It's all beginning to feel a bit

hopeless. Five days is not enough time. I'm starting to think I should succumb to homelessness.

Perhaps I should watch a documentary on the vagrant's of cities and adapt their higher knowledge

of living on the streets."

"No!" Tegan protested loudly, shocking Sara into silence. "No, you can't give up hope, Sara. You'll be

able to find something. Everything will be okay-"

"I'm only attempting to be realistic, Te-"

"Well, stop! Be hopeful! It's all you have-"

"It's pointless to linger in disastrous hope when there is not a thing giving you a ray of light to help

along the way." Sara said tightly. "I doubt I will have any place to stay come next week. It's simply

impossible without any money to fall back on. I have nowhere to go and I have to accept that."

Tegan's jaw set determinedly. Adrenaline pumped through her veins and thumped her heart against

her ribcage erratically. "Then come stay with me." The words were out of her mouth before she

knew she was even thinking them.

She had apparently shocked Sara as much as she had herself as the other woman faltered before

falling silent. They stared at each other with Tegan's wide eyes and Sara's furrowed brows for a long

moment. Something akin to embarrassment gradually replaced her worry as she realized her chest

was moving in rapid sucks of oxygen, filling the room with carbonized air from her gripping lungs.

She broke their eye contact, dropping her eyes to the floor and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Uh… it was just a thought."

"You're… offering to share your living space with me?" Sara's voice was faint.

"Uh, yeah." Tegan gave a slow nod.

As the idea processed, it seemed like a good plan rather than a spontaneous suggestion. She and

Emy had been struggling to pay rent on Tegan's salary of brief cooking gigs and Emy's paintings; the

past few months had been rough and she had been forced to borrow money from her mother last

month to meet the quota. If Sara got a full time job with Tegan's help, an enormous weight would be

lifted from the strain in money scrounging.

Sara had no friends to stay with, as everyone she knew was linked to their rich society and knew of

her 'mistake'. Finding a job so quickly without experience would be fucking impossible without her

name to fall back on, and she had absolutely no money to rent an apartment, especially not the first

few months in advance. If Tegan didn't offer help, she would be homeless next week without a

doubt. Tegan would not be able to live with herself if she knew that someone was out in the world,

starving and shivering in the bitterly cold Winters – especially when she had the chance to stop it.

And this was her chance. This was the ultimate attempt at forgiveness; Sara needed her and she was

going to be there for her. She would throw her past dislike out the window and focus on the

interesting person Sara was slowly becoming in her mind. And anyway, the apartment could really

use some eye candy that did not include Tegan walking around in boxers and bedhead while Emy

lounged in old paint and charcoal covered clothing from hard working. Sara would be like a shiny,

beautiful trophy inside their messy home.

Her nodding intensified, growing sure with her decision. "Yes." she declared. "I am."

Sara studied her like a particularly difficult math question. Her brow furrowed, she looked as good at

finding what she was looking for as Tegan was at solving equations. "Why would you do that?"

"I know it seems weird, but… listen. I'm not, like… asking you to marry me. I'm not asking you to run

off into the sunset with me to stay at a picket fenced, white house in the suburbs to have turkey

baster babies and twenty cats. I'm asking you if you want to come live in my shitty apartment with

me and my roommate because you have nowhere else to go and we really could use another person

to pay the rent."

"But… why?"

"Because you have literally no other option and I have a perfectly acceptable place you could stay in

until you're on your feet." Tegan explained. "We'll have to figure out rooming situations and my

roommate will probably kill me, but whatever. I want to help you, Sara."

Tegan watched Sara's throat bob as she audibly swallowed. Her chest paused mid-inhale as her eyes

evaded Tegan's gaze. Confusion only lasted a moment before Tegan frowned in recognition. "Stop

doing those goddamn breathing exercises and let yourself feel, Sara. What's wrong?"

Sara blinked, looking to Tegan with something like shock painting her eyes. Clearly no one had

ordered her to shake off her coping skills and just focus on what she was feeling before. Slowly, she

took in a quivering breath. "Nothing is wrong. I am… stunned, is all. No one has ever offered me the

chance of help before." She lifted a hand to touch above her heart with a small frown. "My chest

feels odd. I believe I am feeling an odd sense of gratitude."

"Is that a yes?" Tegan asked.

Sara's bottom lip sunk into her mouth as it was nibbled on with her teeth. Indecision warped her

features. "I'm not so sure, Tegan Rain. There are so many loose ends to this idea. What would

mother think if I, literally speaking, ran away with the cook?"

"Mother," Tegan spat the word, letting her feelings be known, "doesn't have to know a thing. She

doesn't get to know anything about you anymore, after showing that she was the worst person to

have a child. All she has to know is that you're leaving, and you have a place to stay. You can leave

when I leave with some time in between so nothing's suspicious. You could leave first and wait for

me just outside of your residence and then I'll leave an hour later and we can bike the way to my

house. It'd be a huge 'fuck you' if you left early when she thinks you don't have anywhere to go."

Tegan grinned. "Imagine the satisfaction when you see the shock on her face, Sara."

Sara pursed her lips unsurely.

"You can stay at my apartment and find a job. You won't have to worry about not having a roof over

your head while you're trying to get your life together. Maybe you could start University or

something after you've been working for a while." Tegan shrugged her suggestions. "But you can't

do any of that without a place to stay."

"What if your roommate does not enjoy my company?" Sara asked softly.

"Emy likes everyone. She's a sweetheart, don't even worry about that." Tegan waved that off easily.

Emy got along with everyone.

Sara released a low breath. "What if…" she trailed off for a moment and caught Tegan's eye. "What

if… you grow tired of my company?"

"Sara, everyone gets tired of their roommate every once in a while. You shout at them for leaving

dirty dishes out and they snap at you for using their toothpaste and then five hours later, you're on

your couch watching TV together. I'll get tired of you, you'll get tired of me. Whatever. It's no big

deal."

"Sharing toothpaste?" Sara gasped in horror. Tegan chuckled before Sara spoke again rather timidly,

"But you have voiced dislike for me before-"

"And you'll never let me forget it." Tegan sighed, smile dropping. "I told you I was sorry about that. I

think you're interesting, remember? I can stand you. C'mon, Sara, just say yes."

"My books…" Sara murmured. "What about my books? There is no possible way we could lug them

on that bike of yours."

"Maybe you could meet up with Martin every once in a while and collect them bit by bit somewhere?

You guys are close, right?"

"Yes. Martin has been the only source of parenting I have ever received." Sara's eyes dropped to the

floor. "I will miss him dearly, if I am to be honest."

"Hey, come on. Don't be sad." Tegan put a hand on Sara's shoulder and shook it slightly, coaxing her

into eye contact. When Sara looked up, Tegan smiled brightly at her. "You can still keep in contact.

Call him, meet up for coffee, talk about improving life and shit. He doesn't have to disappear from

your life. It's just like when I moved out of my mum's. I still see her and talk to her all the time, we

just don't live together anymore."

Sara nodded in reluctant understanding. After a beat, she looked at Tegan closely and bit her lips.

"Are you being serious with me, Tegan Rain? This is not a joke, is it?"

"Of course I'm serious! I would never make a joke about this, Sara." Tegan assured sincerely. She

took her hand from Sara's shoulder to draw a two crossing lines over her chest. "Cross my heart."

"This act of charity to stay in a rundown apartment is oddly touching-"

"The apartment isn't rundown and this isn't an act of charity, Sara." Tegan interrupted. "I don't want

you to think of it like that. I want to help, but I don't think you're some useless beggar or something.

You just need a place and I have one." Tegan noticed Sara's chest stilling once more and poked her

in the breastbone. "Stop that."

Sara breathed once more. "Tegan Rain?"

Tegan cocked her head, "Hmm?"

Sara's lips were on hers before she had time to think. She blinked in surprise at the familiar pressure

of soft lips caressing her own, stunned into stone. Her own lips were frozen as she realized what was

happening and quickly backed away. "Whoa, what're you- what? I- what?"

Sara's tongue swiped her own bottom lip in silence, not offering any source of explanation to

Tegan's frazzled questioning.

"I thought… wait. I'm so confused." Tegan ran a hand through her messy fringe. "You just kissed me.

Why?"

"I had the desire to do as such." Sara offered unhelpfully.

"But... you think I'm gross. You think I'm ugly and stupid. Why would you kiss someone who you

think is ugly and stupid?" Tegan questioned. "You think I'm gross." she repeated distantly, filling the

silence with the confusion roaring in her brain.

"You are an unbelievable idiot." Sara informed her with that look that seemed very close to an eye

roll of exasperation. She leaned forward and Tegan let out a muffled grumble of offense as her

bottom lip was slowly sucked between Sara's lips. She made a small noise of confusion that her brain

begged her to emit, while her body melted against Sara's frame. She had forgotten just how

incredibly softly Sara kissed.

A soft moan that sounded anything but protesting despite its original purpose vibrated her throat as

she found herself kissing back without her brain consenting. Her mouth had a mind of its own and

apparently so did her arms as they wrapped around Sara's shoulders and tugged her closer. Their

bodies met in gentle flush, the harsh material of Tegan's uniform scraping against Sara's silky button

up as breasts met and an embarrassing whimper escaped Tegan's mouth. Heat collected between

her thighs at the cushioned collision as desire wrapped around her entire frame.

Sara's tongue touched her lips, politely asking permission into Tegan's mouth that she hurriedly gave.

Professionalism be damned. Sara's earlier statements of disgust forgotten. Her confusion be gone.

She wanted – no, needed – to kiss Sara Clement and nothing was going to stop her (except for

maybe Sara, but she seemed far from protesting as she flicked Tegan's tongue). This woman had

been driving her insane with lust for a fucking month and there was no way in hell she was going to

deny herself the act of kissing the object of her desires.

One of Sara's hands snaked around her waist, urging her closer as her other hand tipped Tegan's

chin back. She invaded her mouth with slow delicacy, reintroducing herself to Tegan's tongue with

unhurried rolls and traces. Tegan felt like one of those women from an old black-and-white film,

being kissed thoroughly by men in pressed business suits at the climax of the movie. But she

doubted any of those men knew how to kiss a woman like Sara did. She kissed Tegan like no one

ever had, with such sweet and soft caresses, yet so deeply and insistently it was as if Sara was trying

to suck her soul right out of her body. At this point, Tegan would let her. She didn't need a soul

anyway; Sara could have it.

Carefully, she was spun around and pushed forward until her back met the wall. Sara's lips kept

firmly on hers as she pressed her body completely against Tegan's, their stomachs and hips poking

until they felt as if they were melting into one being. Tegan's eyes rolled into the back of her head as

another moan caught in her throat.

The memory of their last kiss and the submission she had allowed stirred something inside of her.

She clearly remembered thinking that she hadn't shown Sara the best of her kissing techniques, and

the opportunity to do just that had presented itself in ways she never expected. Sara had not made

one noise since their lips met and Tegan would be damned if she was the only one mewling like a

fucking idiot.

Spreading her feet apart a few inches, Tegan forced one of her thighs to slip in between Sara's own

until the other woman was straddling the muscled flesh. She raised her dangling arms to lace her

fingers together against the back of Sara's neck, tugging her closer as she gave Sara's tongue a

playful flick. Sara's lips twitched against hers as Tegan explored her mouth just as meticulously as

Sara had hers. She could taste traces of the Oreo ball she had forced Sara to consume, mixed with

Sara's own unique and sweet taste.

Sara's chest heaved, pressing their breasts even further together. Tegan tugged the hair on the back

of Sara's head between her fingers, marveling at how soft the strands were beneath her fingers. She

forced Sara's head one way while her own went the other way, tangling her fingers through Sara's

hair as Sara allowed her to take control.

Drifting her hands from Sara's hair, Tegan ran her hands down Sara's back, feeling her muscles shift

beneath her top and the dip of her lower back meeting her tight black trousers as she slipped inside

the shirt. She slid up and down warm, soft skin, massaging the gentle curve of her spine. Unsure of

boundaries, she slipped her hands back out and rounded to Sara's front to trail up the flat plane of

her stomach and their lips detached, Sara's face stayed inches from her own.

"This seems like a bad idea." Tegan whispered, voice huskier than usual. She inched her hands up

north, making the slow journey to Sara's breasts.

"I honestly don't care." Sara responded just as lowly.

"I kind of do." Tegan admitted.

"Do you wish to stop?" Sara asked.

Tegan paused before declaring intelligently, "Nah."

Puffy lips slipped into a brilliant smile, shining in Sara's eyes and making Tegan forget how to

breathe. She blamed Sara's smile on being the one who leaned forward to capture those lips back

into a kiss. She blamed her brain's inability to speak up for allowing her wandering hands to cup

Sara's breasts and squeeze the slightest bit. She blamed Sara's soft gasp for lighting a fire in the pit

of her stomach, extending to her tingling toes and numb head, and forcing her to want more.

She was ready to blame anyone but herself for the flood soaking her underwear.

She palmed Sara's breasts with avid interest as they kissed, tightening her fingers around the plump

flesh a bit. She felt two unmistakable pokes against the palms of her hands and moaned at the

familiar feeling, but her body erupted in goose bumps from the unfamiliarity of that fact that it was

Sara's nipples straining through the material of her bra and shirt to press into her hands. This wasn't

just any woman, this was Sara Clement – the hottest woman she had ever laid eyes on-

Who was also sort of her friend and soon to be roommate.

Tegan faltered. What was she doing? Was she acting just as she had before? Was she being the

careless and selfish asshole she had learned to hate all over again?

No, she decided after a moment. Sara wanted this too, at least to some extent. She had been the

one to initiate it, no matter what reasons she had. She was allowing this. Who was Tegan to say no?

And this was not emotionless like she had always assumed it would be if she had the opportunity.

She cared about Sara, not romantically, but as a friend and that made it somewhat okay in Tegan's

mind. Her job was almost done and technically, Sara was no longer her bosses' daughter. Her

parent's had shunned her, so they had no power over the both of them or their desires any longer.

Sara was now nothing but Tegan's roommate and sometimes roommates hooked up. Tegan had

never done so personally, but she was suddenly more than willing to hop on that train.

Sara's lips parted from hers to trail kisses down her jaw. Tegan tipped her head to give her better

access, biting her tingling lips at the hot press of Sara's mouth as she seared a path down her neck.

Sara's fingers caught the buttons of her uniform, quickly unfastening the first row of buttons as her

tongue traced the throbbing vein in Tegan's neck, fluttering to the quick pound of her heart.

She ran her fingers through Sara's hair with a soft moan. Her spine shivered to every puff of breath

on her sensitive neck before her shirt was opened and Sara peeled back. She looked into Tegan's

eyes, her own irises nearly completely covered by blown pupils. Her cheeks were flushed pink as she

slowly opened Tegan's uniform top, exposing her vastly unappealing sports bra and heaving stomach.

Her eyes left Tegan's to roam over her torso as she tugged Tegan's shirt off her arms and let the

material fall in a heap on the ground.

Tegan felt herself begin to blush at the intensity in Sara's stare and resisted the urge to cover herself

as if she had never been exposed to another human before. Her bra wasn't even off yet and she was

acting like bashful teenager, but standing next to Sara made her feel as attractive as a troll. With a

small muffin top she could not escape and the tight stretch of her bra over her breasts, she felt like

the unsure sixteen year old she had been when her hips and breasts were new. Sara's fingers trailed

in a feather light touch down the explosion of color on Tegan's tattooed bicep, reminding her that

she was a confident adult.

Sara lifted her eyes to meet Tegan's again, but she could not read the emotion lurking behind those

huge pupils. Her fingers slipped beneath the elastic band of Tegan's bra, a question in her eyes.

Tegan gave a nod of consent and her bra was being tugged over her head without a moments

hesitation on Sara's part. Her eyes lowered to devour the sight of Tegan's pale, bare breasts. Tegan

bit her lip, oddly excited by the roam of Sara's eyes over pink, hard buds.

Tegan was used to gripping hands on her breasts the moment they were unrestricted, fingers

tugging at her nipples and tongues lavishing compliments for the full curves adorning her chest. She

was accustomed to mouths sucking and tongues circling, but Sara's hand slid up her stomach slowly.

She traced up the valley between her breasts before resting at her collar bones and sewing their lips

together.

Tegan's body prickled with the need to be touched, not at all used to being so neglected. The silky

material of Sara's shirt brushed her nipples as she whimpered, finding a burst of courage to grab

Sara's free hand and force her cool palm on her breast. Sara batted her hand away gently and Tegan

huffed in frustration as Sara's hand instead slipped into her hair.

Deciding to take a different route, Tegan lifted both hands to unbutton Sara's own shirt, but her

hands were taken in a quick clasp and pinned above her head. Sara pulled from the kiss and sucked

softly at her pulse point. Tegan groaned, suddenly feeling completely overheated. Sara's lips

traveled up her throat, teeth grazing the sensitive skin beneath her ear before capturing her lobe.

Her mouth sucked around the skin as her hot breath sent sparks to Tegan's aching core.

"May I go down on you, Tegan Rain?"

Tegan wanted to pinch herself, but if this was an extremely vivid fantasy, she really did not want to

wake up yet. "I thought-" she cleared away the raspy gravel in her throat. "I thought you said I'd

leave here without knowing what it's like to have sex with you."

Sara pulled back a fraction to quirk a brow, "And I thought you said you would leave not being able

to stand my presence."

"I had a change of heart."

Sara shrugged slightly, "As did I."

Dubious, Tegan frowned. "You don't think I'm gross anymore?"

With a hand lifted to massage her temples, Sara heaved a heavy sigh. "You are incredibly dense. I

have kissed you and taken off your top. Does that sound like a person who is turned off by another

human?"

"It sounds like a contradiction." Tegan grumbled, befuddled and bothered that Sara kept insulting

her intelligence. If that was how Sara often wooed a woman, she wasn't sure how she had coerced

so many into a closet.

Sara's face changed with a snap of fingers. Displaying the most obvious sense of emotion Tegan had

ever seen, her eyes darkened and a small smirk tugged at her lips. Fingers traveled down Tegan's

clavicle, running across the dips like a land explorer before sliding further down. She connected one

goose bump to the other before chilled palms were cupping both of her breasts. Tegan bit her lip,

watching Sara stare at her as her hands groped her with the softest touch. "Do you not want me,

Tegan Rain?"

"I… do." Tegan admitted. She had once held back laughter so Sara did not see that Tegan thought

she was funny, but now she had no problem giving her the satisfaction to know she wanted to have

sex with her. Extra heat built in her cheeks as Sara's fingers traced her nipple with the merest brush

of her fingertips. Her back arched from the wall like the victim of an exorcism, begging Sara to add

pressure to her touch. "You want me?"

Sara gave a slow nod, rolling both of her nipples between her thumbs and forefingers. Sparks of

pleasure traveled straight to Tegan's throbbing core, igniting her need and fueling her fire as a quiet

moan forced its way out of her. She tipped her head back and her eyes fluttered closed, her mouth

dropping open when Sara's lips found her neck. "I do." she whispered the affirmative.

Tegan had to shake herself to remember how to speak like a functioning human being. "I don't want

this to change anything, though. We're on a good track. I like where we are. I don't want to- to fuck

this up." She forced the words out of her gasping throat.

Sara leaned back, her eyes guarded and her mouth twisted into a small frown. "If you do not wish

for it to change anything, then it will not."

Tegan had that feeling she was becoming accustomed to with Sara, where she felt as if she was not

catching all of Sara's meaning yet again. But her mind was foggy and the restless caresses to her

nipples were driving her insane, making it hard to care or think clearly. "Okay. Cool. You can… uh,

you can go down on me then." Slightly uncomfortable yet so highly aroused it physically hurt, she

added, "Please. I encourage it. Like… hardcore."

Sara's brows quirked as amusement pulled at her lips. "And you say I am the one who speaks in odd

dialect."

"You are. So do I have to push your head down to get you to do this, or what?" She tapped her foot

impatiently against the floor.

"Tegan Rain," Sara took Tegan's hands and led her to the bed, feet shuffling in a backwards walk just

as elegant and graceful as her usual stride. She kept steady eye contact as she lowered Tegan into a

sitting position on the bed with two hands on her shoulders. "When I give pleasure, I am the one to

decide when it will be received." She slipped to her knees before Tegan's spread legs.

Pretending as if her clit didn't twitch in interest, Tegan rolled her eyes. "Don't make me rethink this."

she threatened emptily.

Nimble fingers hooked into the elastic waistband of Tegan's work pants, slipping them off with ease

as Tegan lifted her bum from the mattress to offer assistance. She lulled her head against her

shoulders, watching Sara closely. It was probably some sort of crying horror to see a Clement on her

knees, especially before a member of the help. She couldn't help but wonder if anyone else ever had

the pleasure to see Sara in such a submissive, dedicated stance. Probably, she decided. She didn't

expect to be some sort of special exception just because she was gay and Sara normally slept with

straight women.

"Lift." Sara instructed, shaking Tegan from her thoughts as she tugged at the legs of her tight black

boxers.

A biting remark was on her tongue but she swallowed it, rising up on her biceps to rid herself of the

damp material. She couldn't shake the slight discomfort squirming in her gut at this unusual turn of

events. She felt like she did the first time she had sex, unsure of what to do or react while feeling a

fraction embarrassed at her nude form, especially since Sara was still fully clothed. She wanted to

use humor and banter to relieve the pressure in her chest, but she didn't want to kill the mood or

make Sara change her mind. She had fantasized of this moment a million times over the past month,

but now that it was actually occurring, she was stilted with hesitance.

Keeping her legs firmly sealed as if she was seated in a fluorescently lit room wearing a paper gown

with Sara as her doctor instead of a beautiful woman in the privacy of her room, she chewed on her

piercing nervously.

"I never imaged you to have a bashful attitude during the acts that occur in privacy." Sara observed,

cocking her head to the side.

"I'm not bashful!" Tegan protested a little too loudly. She cringed at her defensive cry before

becoming distracted by something that caught her interest. "You've wondered what I would be like

in bed?" Sara said nothing, placing her cold fingers on the top of Tegan's thighs, spreading a chill

over her skin and making her shiver. "Why are your hands always so fucking cold?"

"I have circulation issues stemming from my growth in the womb." Sara answered, leaning forward

to catch Tegan's lips in a kiss.

"Oh," Tegan murmured against her lips, cradling Sara's sharp jaw in her hands as her neck bent

oddly to reach the full lips attached against her own. That was the last thing on her list adorning

symptoms of vampirism she could check off.

Sara's tongue met hers as she forced her legs to part slowly. The air touched her heated core and

she moaned, feeling the wetness trickling to her thighs cool and dry as Sara's hands trailed up and

down her torso, avoiding the breasts she had been massaging so relentlessly, much to Tegan's

dismay. She squeezed the flesh of her waist and scratched her fingernails lightly down her back as

she broke their kiss and trailed her lips down Tegan's neck. Tegan closed her eyes, focusing on the

sound of her harsh breathing as Sara's lips kissed her collarbones and teeth nibbled a path down the

space between her breasts. As she grew closer to where Tegan needed her most, she opened her

eyes to watch the top of Sara's perfectly groomed hair descend down her stomach, running the

point of her tongue across her skin while her lips created the occasional suction before her nose

brushed the hair of Tegan's mound.

Her eyes were dark with nearly childish disobedience, peering up at Tegan's heavy stare through her

wavy fringe as she tugged her legs apart another inch. Placing an almost tender kiss on the curly hair

beneath her nose, Sara's eyes dropped to take her in to the fullest.

Tegan felt her flush reemerge. There was no turning back now; she had been fully exposed to Sara

and that was far too titillating. She could feel the seep of hot wetness spilling from her body as Sara

wracked over her. Her clit twitched again, begging for attention as her core jerked with yearning.

Sara's lips quirked.

"You have a beautiful pussy." Sara's feminine voice was almost rough and Tegan's flush intensified in

odd flattery, aroused at the vulgarity. She captured the awkward 'thanks' that wanted to exit her

fumbling mouth before all thoughts fled from her mind as Sara dipped down. She held Tegan's gaze

as she ran her tongue up her slit in one broad stroke, bypassing her clit as she collected her first

taste.

Tegan struggled to keep her eyes open. Her jaw dropped to fill her wheezing lungs more adequately,

watching Sara watch her as she caught her other set of lips into her mouth, kissing her as if she was

in Tegan's face, running her tongue over the smooth skin and sucking away any spilled arousal. Her

cheeks were pink, but her eyes were strong and glinting as she smoothed her palms over Tegan's

thighs and detached her mouth to find her lips with her thumbs, holding her open. She wasted no

drop, catching every drip of wetness before it could meet the bedding, circling her tongue over her

entrance. She poked her tongue inside of Tegan a fraction before dipping out just as quickly to crawl

up and down her slit slowly. She avoided her clit the entire time, causing Tegan to whimper as the

bud ached and begged for Sara's deft tongue to soothe it.

"Sara," she breathed, holding her weight up on one hand behind herself so she could slip her fingers

into Sara's hair. Sara darted inside of her for a brief moment before slipping out and twisting her

tongue over her folds. "Please."

Sara ignored her plea. In a leisurely travel, her tongue traced up one side of her core, skipping over

the hood of her clit, and slipped down the opposite side of her core. "Sara, fuck me. Come on." she

tried to demand it, desperately gathering authority, but her voice came out a pathetic whimper.

"Please." Emphasizing her hiss, she took a firm hold on the back of Sara's head and pushed her even

closer to her body.

Apparently having no qualms with being buried into Tegan's pussy with no source of air, Sara gave a

soft noise of appreciation that vibrated through Tegan's core and shot lightening into her prickling

skin. She threw her head back with a low moan and immediately was rewarded for her act of need

with a soft tongue touching her clit.

The shaky arm keeping up all of Tegan's weight gave out, dropping her back onto the bed. She held

her legs up to her chest to keep herself parted as she moaned, "Fuck yes."

Sara moved just as carefully against her clit as she did her lips when they kissed, circling around the

swollen button steadily before covering it with her lips and sucking. Tegan's back arched from the

bed with a soft cry, legs slamming around Sara's head when it all became too much for a moment.

Sara was quick to push her legs off, keeping two palms on her inner thighs to force her to stay put.

Tegan all but purred as her overly sensitive clit was suckled and traced from side to side.

"God!" Tegan gazed up at the ceiling, looking at the shadows of the tree limbs outside sway over the

bright light of the sun casting yellow hues, but not really seeing it. Euphoria roared through her

entire shaking frame, dragging her to the tipped edge of her climax with long, winding intervals with

every flick of Sara's tongue and tug of her lips. It had been so long since a woman had been in this

position with her, and Sara's skills and slow, soft movements were driving her to madness. She

clutched the bedding between her damp fists, digging short nails into the blankets as her back

arched and her hips began to undulate against Sara's face. She rolled her head back and forth

against the bed with hoarse, moaning curses.

The heat of Sara's mouth disappeared for a moment as she pushed past the hood of Tegan's clit to

touch it directly, sucking it into her mouth. Tegan gave a harsh shout too loud for the silent house

and her toes curled into her feet as Sara pressed her face as far into her as possible and shook her

head back forth, tugging Tegan's clit with every side-to-side toss. The point of her tongue rolled over

the exposed button as her lips tightened. Her tongue was sharp in conversation, but so sweet in

intimacy.

"Oh, fuck," Tegan gasped, eyes shooting open when she hadn't even realized they closed. She

looked down her body to watch Sara, who was leaned in an uncomfortable looking bow on the floor

beside the bed, cheeks now darkened red as her head bobbed. Her eyes were roaming over Tegan's

form as if she was a painting in an auction Sara might like to buy, but the strong determination in her

eyes reeled Tegan in like a hook. Awe consumed her as she watched Sara attack her so carefully, but

desperately. It was as if she had been deprived of women, but they both knew that wasn't true. Sara

was fully in her element and it was so clear that she was enjoying herself as her eyes squeezed shut

briefly before reopening to stare as Tegan's breasts heaved to her heavy breathing.

One of the somehow still cold palms on her heated thigh disappeared, fingers brushing her skin until

they reached her dripping entrance. The finger loitered just outside, circling through the heady and

thick wetness spilling there as her eyes found Tegan's. "Yes. Please." she begged aloud, sensing

Sara's desire for approval. The slender digit slipped inside of her, Tegan's body sucking her in eagerly

and inviting her inside without any restrictions. It was cold in ways Tegan had never experienced

inside of her, contrasting against the heat of her center in a thrilling mix of temperature. She felt the

chill spread through her body and shuddered as a guttural groan passed her lips, "Another."

Sara followed her instructions, massaging her walls as her tongue continued to restlessly kiss her clit.

The pleasant pressure of her fingers found that spot deep inside of her and ran over it with both

digits. Tegan gasped, her body lurching forward as everything began to build up. An unusual

pressure pushed its way through her gut, intensifying the pleasure ripping its way from her toes to

the top of her head. Colors swirled behind her eyelids as her body heated up as if rolling through fire.

It was becoming too much. She couldn't handle-

"Sara, oh-!" She cut herself off with a sharp gasp. Sensations gathered like a tall volcano, and she

was dangling above the molten lava when it erupted in a rush of enormous pleasure.

With a high-pitched whimper tearing through her throat, she felt something she had never felt

before rush from between her legs at the peak of her orgasm, crashing down around her while the

growling silence went numb to her ears and her eyes rolled into the back of her head, encasing her

in darkness. She lingered there for what seemed like ages, the pleasure holding her up in tight,

comforting fingers until releasing her and allowing her body to collapse into the mattress.

Slowly, she peeled her eyes open. Sara was in the same position, but her head was up and her chin

dripping with a clear liquid. Tegan reached out a shaky hand to swipe her chin, rubbing the fluid

together between her fingers. Her mind was muddled in a daze, but she pieced together the puzzle

with a gradually deepening gape. "Did I just…"

"Female ejaculated." Sara offered, but Tegan wrinkled her nose.

"That's such a gross way to put it."

"As if the word 'squirt' is any more dignified." Sara scoffed. She lifted herself up from the floor to

crawl onto the bed, hovering above Tegan's body on her hands and knees. "Is that not a common

occurrence for you?"

"Uh, no." Tegan laughed in pure disbelief. She couldn't even recall one story from a friend who had

experienced such nirvana. "Is it common for you to make women do that?"

Sara gave a small shrug, "It has happened in the past, but not often."

Tegan rubbed her palms over her hot face with a small laugh. She couldn't fucking believe it; never

expecting herself to be capable of doing such a thing. Sara hadn't done anything particularly special

or shocking, but her body reacted completely differently to her touch than any other touch she had

experienced. "Holy shit."

"I find great pleasure in making a woman reach the highest point of nirvana, but I've never quite

enjoyed it the way I did with you. There is something deeply satisfying in making you, specifically,

achieve such heights."

Tegan peeked through her fingers to watch Sara dry her chin with the back of her hand in the most

crass act she had ever witnessed the other woman do. Her body felt heavy and tired, but as Sara

lifted herself from the bed and straightened her clothes, she found the strength to grab her wrist.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Off to my room." Sara explained with a cock of her head. "We're done here, are we not? Unless you

greedily require more orgasms and in which case, I'm more than fully prepared to do that for you."

As good of an idea as that sounded, Tegan shook her head with a stern frown. "Sara, I'm not a

straight girl having an experimental fuck with you in a closet." Tegan tugged her wrist forward none

too gently. "I'm a lesbian who wants to give it as good as she got. So get the fuck back in bed

because you're not going anywhere just yet."

Sara's eyes widened the smallest fraction as she was forced back onto the bed. "Oh." she muttered

in vague surprise.

"Did you get used to fucking and then fucking off?" Tegan accused knowingly. She lifted herself up

and forced Sara on her back, not bothering to hide her naked body from Sara's prying,

knowledgeable eyes.

"Yes, I had grown quite accustomed to it." Sara nodded.

Tegan fiddled with the buttons of Sara's blouse as she lifted a leg to straddle her waist, hovering a

few inches above her on her knees. "Do you want to continue it or do you want to break the chain

and let me touch you?"

"I wish to break the chain." Sara replied without hesitation, boosting Tegan's ego and making her

grin.

"Awesome. So can I take your clothes off?"

"You may."

Grinning, Tegan wasted no time to unbutton Sara's shirt like a child on Christmas day, ripping open

the wrappings to get to the present beneath. She only allowed herself to soak in a pale flesh a

moment before she stood up to tug Sara's tight jeans from her body. As she went to rip off her

underwear in the same fashion, she paused. She had expected plain black cups of a bra and perhaps

ladies boxers, so the see-through black lace of Sara's thin bra and simple black panties were a

pleasant surprise. She could see the pink tint of Sara's nipples through the dark lace gently cupping

Sara's small chest unlike the way Tegan's own bras strained and spilled over. Her stomach was flat

and with every deep inhale, Tegan could see the outline of her ribcage, reminding her with worry

that she had rarely seen Sara eat this entire month. Her full thighs were parted enough for Tegan to

see the way her underwear clung to her core, stretching across her mound and gaping where the

material met her protruding hipbones.

The curves of her body dipped in without any extra skin hugging around her fine bones - so

incredibly fine that every obvious bone from her clavicle to her ankle seemed easily breakable and

carved to perfection - in ways Tegan would have envied if they had been in the locker room during

gym class in high school. Her exterior was so tough and impenetrable, but her body was slight and

preciously fragile. Her skin was creamy and smooth, only touched by the occasional small freckle

while showing no sign of the sun ever warming her flesh. Tegan's suspicions were been proven

correct – Sara was fucking flawless.

Sara laid in silence, awaiting Tegan's ending to her ogling with polite patience. Tegan met her eyes

and grinned, unashamed of her gawking. Silently, she unhooked the front clasps of Sara's bra and

tossed the two cups aside. Her body shivered at the two buds, lightly blushed pink, staring back at

her.

Jesus. She never thought she would have the privilege to see the petite chest exposed to her eye

and only her eye in that moment. It was like Sara was made of the finest porcelain and somehow,

Tegan of all people had her hands on her. It was unexpected and unexplained, but Tegan was going

to take full advantage, memorizing every detail to the depths in her mind in case this was never

presented to her ever again. Someone else might be the lucky one tomorrow, but today it was her

and Sara was stunning.

Leaning forward, she held her weight up on her palms as she lowered herself to be level with Sara's

breasts. Softly, she brushed her lips across the silken skin. Sara's chest paused mid-exhale at the

touch and Tegan poked her in the ribs as a warning. "No breathing exercises." she protested, voice

muffled as she sucked around the tight skin of her nipple. Sara seemed unable to follow her

directions and her chest halted, and when Tegan's lips wrapped around her nipple, Sara heaved in a

quick breath. Tegan peered up at her, watching as she closed her eyes and swallowed thickly, her

throat moving in an audible gulp.

It had been so long since Tegan had touched a woman, but it had been even longer since Sara was

touched by one. Tegan paid close attention to Sara's choppy, albeit quiet, breaths as she cupped

Sara's opposite breast and palmed it gently as she rolled her tongue in a delicate dance over Sara's

nipple. She retracted an inch and blew air across the saliva she had left in her wake, watching Sara's

nipple tighten further and her back arch slightly. She wanted to reunite Sara with the joys of being

the receiver, but she also wanted Sara to think she was good at what she did. So as she kissed down

her stomach, tracing her ribcage and dipping into her bellybutton, she watched Sara's reactions

closely. It was far more difficult to understand what the small twitches in Sara's face meant in

comparison to the obvious moans and lurching of hips other women had shown her, but there was

something exhilarating about having to search for clues and listening for tiny gasps.

Caressing the subtle curve of Sara's sides, she traced her tongue across Sara's abdomen. The

muscles clenched and flexed, unable to hide their reaction the way Sara's face could and Tegan

beamed in satisfaction. She ran the pads of her thumbs over Sara's hipbones in a soft squeeze

before sitting up and slowly pulling Sara's underwear down and off her ankles.

Sara's mound was bare of hair, her lips puffy. Tegan trailed her fingers over the impossibly smooth

skin. It did not feel as if it had been recently shaved, but instead so soft it made Tegan wonder aloud,

"Sara, do you have any hair? Like, at all?"

"No. Mother sent me to a specialist at seventeen to remove all hair. She said that men do not like

having to crawl through a forest to find a pearl," Sara's eyes squinted and Tegan knew that was an

equivalent to a disdainful eye roll. "As if I care what a man likes about my body."

Tegan's jaw clenched in repressed anger; that woman was a monster. She dipped her fingers into

the pool awaiting her touch, wanting to distract them both from thoughts of Sara's fucked up

childhood. Her finger slipped through an abundance of wetness, causing her to shiver as she trailed

up her slit for only a moment before giving in for both of them and pressing against Sara's engorged

clit.

She watched Sara's chest pause and suck for air in an uneven cycle. Her eyes were shut, one hand

clenched in a tight fist at her side and the other thrown over her face. She kept her bottom lip

trapped as a prisoner between her teeth as Tegan circled her clit in tight circles. She was nearly

completely unresponsive, but Tegan had foreseen this and focused on the uncontrollable tremble in

her spread thighs.

The longer Tegan roamed over her clit with lubricated fingers, the more control Sara found over her

actions instead of losing it all and after a few minutes, she was lying completely still beneath her and

no longer breathing. She was focusing too obviously on her actions, holding back any form of

expression, and far too away from thoughts of pleasure and desire. Tegan frowned in complete

displeasure and slowed to a stop.

Sara lifted her hand from her face to wrinkle her brow in confusion. "Why did you stop?"

"Do you like what I'm doing at all, Sara?" Tegan bit her lip self-consciously; she'd never received such

a lack of response before. She knew Sara would hold back, but this was just ridiculous. She felt

unwanted and humiliated despite knowing of Sara's past. "Does this feel good… at all?"

"Yes, very good." Sara's lips tugged at the corner, almost a smile. "I was right on the edge, actually."

Tegan's eyebrows shot up her forehead, satisfied despite her astonishment. "Are you serious? You

weren't… you definitely did not seem like it."

"I assure you I was."

"Sara, I know… I know you have learned not to be expressive and… you know, to hold everything in.

But I don't want you to feel like you have to do that with me. I want you to react without thinking. I

just want you to do… exactly what you want and what your body wants." Tegan told her. "I don't

want you to think about breathing exercises and keeping quiet. That's no fun."

Sara's tongue peeked between her lips to wet them, looking unsure and almost nervous. "For your

pleasure?"

"Well, no. For you. It's healthy to be… expressive. But I mean, it does kind of hurt my ego to be

fucking you and getting no response in return." She admitted, flushing brightly.

Sara eyed her with a slow nod of understanding and Tegan regained her rhythm, pressing harder

against her and tightening her bicep to the point of discomfort to roll quick figure eights over her clit.

She knew how good that felt and how impossible it would be to keep from reacting even the

slightest.

Apparently taking Tegan's plead to heart, Sara released an unrestricted hiss of the quietest noise,

her fingers reaching up to clutch just slightly at Tegan's shoulders. Somehow that small gesture of

pleasure was sexier than having a woman scream and curse at the top of her lungs, forcing her tired

core to awaken in interest. She threw her entire body into the motion, tugging Sara's clit in rapid

circles and listening to the other woman's soft gasps.

Sara's body seemed to grow tighter and Tegan sensed she was about to come undone. She leaned

forward to suck her pulse point, feeling it flutter against her tongue as she picked up her already

frenzied pace. The bedding rustled as Sara's body slipped across it, almost distracting Tegan enough

that she nearly missed the muffled moan in her ear. It was so quiet, yet so full of ache that it made

Tegan's heart skip. The sound was so raw it sent butterflies through her gut. If she had not been so

close to Sara's mouth, she never would have caught the sound, but she had and a grin stretched her

lips as she dragged her teeth across Sara's sweat dampened neck.

She dipped into the wetness of Sara's entrance, collecting some on her fingers to quickly find her

way back to Sara's clit, adding sparks of extra pleasure with her drenched fingertips and Sara's own

fingers tightened around her shoulders, nails piercing her skin. She pulled back to watch Sara come,

growing faster and faster in her motions until her bicep was on fire and begging her stop. She didn't

listen and after a few beats of stilted breathing, she was rewarded by the faintest arch in Sara's back.

Tegan's mouth watered at the heavy scent permeating the air, coating it with Sara's sex. The woman

beneath her seemed to glow, lit up like some sort of fallen angel as her chest paused. Her brows

scrunched together and her lips parted before she seemed to catch herself even while climaxing,

catching her bottom lip between her teeth hurriedly. A broken whimper stewed in the silence and

Tegan watched with a dry mouth as Sara slammed a hand over her own mouth to capture the sound.

Her legs trapped Tegan's hips as she bucked against Tegan's slowed circles before going completely

still.

Tegan gazed at her pink cheeks and the sweat glistening forehead, clinging her hair to face as she

gasped and allowed her body to melt back into the mattress as she came down. Tegan caressed her

twitching clit softly to help her down until her eyes slowly reopened. Vulnerability lurked behind her

brighter than usual irises - a beautiful green color that had Tegan enthralled.

"Are you-" Sara paused, taking in a deep breath as her words came out airy. "Are you going to come

to me tomorrow to declare that this was a mistake the way you did after we shared a kiss?"

There was insecurity and hurt laced in the question and it made Tegan feel as wretched as she had

that day. "No." she responded as surely as she felt. "No, I won't. Things are different now."

Sara's chest stilled, but this time Tegan didn't know why. She didn't tell her to cease her coping. She

allowed Sara to compose herself this time, unsure of what drifted through the complex mind light

years away. After a moment, her chest moved again and she asked softly, "They are?"

"Yeah. We get along now. We're almost like friends." Tegan beamed a dorky grin, but Sara did not

smile back.


	16. New Roads

"Hey, Em."

Resting on the bed with her stomach pressed into the mattress and her feet kicking her bum, Tegan

stared outside the window as she listened to Emy shuffle on the other line of the phone. The sky was

a clear blue, not one fluffy cloud decorating the depths of land above. The sun peeked behind the

trees, waving a good morning to Tegan with the aid of the blowing wind. Crystal shaped gleams

narrowed through the leaves and painted designs over the ceiling inside, occasionally sending a

blinding line of light into Tegan's eyes.

"Hi, Tee! Guess what Sarah and I did last night?"

Tegan wrinkled her nose and poked her tongue out as if Emy could see her teasing disgust, "I don't

wanna know. Keep it in your pants, Storey."

"Shut up." Emy chuckled. Tegan took in a large breath through her nose and she swore she caught a

scent of Sara's sex in the air despite the fact that had probably been fourteen hours since Sara had

been lying beneath her and trying to hold back her moans. Tegan wondered if her brain's limbic

system was retrieving the aroma and giving her a nudge in the side with a metaphorical elbow,

waggling eyebrows with friendly congratulations. "We tried to make those weird little crab things

you make. It was a disaster. I was scared we'd get food poisoning so we ordered pizza instead. Thank

god you'll be home soon 'cause we seriously need real food."

Tegan laughed. Now was probably the perfect time to slip in the fact that Sara would be coming

along for the ride, but Tegan bit her tongue. Emy would no doubt go a tangent of all the reasons why

that was a bad idea and even sway Tegan into agreeing and changing her mind. She didn't want to

change her mind, however. Sara really needed a place and if she was around, she might possibly

approach Tegan for sex again. And there was basically nothing Tegan wanted more than to have sex

with Sara again. The intense roar she had felt yesterday had lifted her spirits, lightening her mood

better than it had been in a long while. Sara's touch was amazing and Tegan had a deep craving to

feel it again. "Guess what Sara and I did yesterday?" Tegan grinned, excitement bubbling in her gut

to brag. It was probably fucked up on some level, but she wanted her best friend to know the new

level of orgasm she had reached.

"Said snarky things to each other while trying to get along?" Emy guessed, the smack of her teeth on

food loud in Tegan's ear.

"Nope!" Tegan replied cheerily, kicking her legs to release some of her pent up energy.

"Then what'd you do?" Emy asked curiously.

"Okay, so don't start lecturing me because I know all the reasons why it was probably not the best

idea. But listen, she was the one who came to me and it was basically impossible to say no, okay?"

A brief beat of silence sent Emy's static breathing through the receiver. Tegan could practically hear

the wheels in her brain turning. "Tegan, you didn't!" She gasped in scandal. "Are you about to tell

me you had sex with your bosses' daughter? Jesus, Tee. You're like 'Oops I Did It Again' for lesbians."

Tegan bit her lip, "Emy, she… made me squirt."

"Oh. Wow." Emy paused for a moment. "Well. You lucky son of a bitch. You're about to get a huge

paycheck and you got to have amazing sex with someone who is apparently so hot it's changed your

life. You're lucky I have Sarah, or I'd hate you."

"I know it wasn't professional and really unlike me, but I can't find it within myself to feel bad about

it or care." Tegan gave a sigh almost dreamy as she recalled the sensations from yesterday. "It was

fuckin' awesome. She's seriously so beautiful, Emy."

"Have you had some sort of change of heart? Are you super into her now, for real this time?"

"I can find a woman beautiful without wanting to date her, Emy." Tegan reminded her.

"Since when?" Emy snorted.

"Shut up." Tegan chuckled.

"You haven't had sex since Theresa. This is huge." Tegan frowned at the reminder of her celibacy. As

the relationship had slowly deteriorated into a destroyed memory of what could have been, sex had

been nearly nonexistent between she and the blonde. The fighting they had shoveled back and forth

had an opposite effect on the two of them than most movies portrayed, and instead of angrily

devouring each other or slowly and forgivingly caressing each others skin, an impenetrable wall had

been built between the two of them in bed. The spark had died, leaving nothing bunt burnt ashes in

its wake.

One of the last nights spent together as a couple, they had tried to find that desire again. Their

mouths had attacked each other, acting out the passion they had once felt so strongly. But it was so

absent; the kisses were bland as they searched hopelessly for the once intense craving. Hair had

been pulled by frustrated fingers, lips bitten to keep in the words of being conquered by demons.

But when shirts had been tossed off, they paused and looked into each others eyes; hazel and blue

had never been so far apart. There was an understanding there as they both realized that their love

was vanquished, crumbled into nothing by the strenuous battle they fought every day. Silently, they

had redressed themselves, turned off the lights, and crawled into Theresa's bed. Tegan had held her

that night in a pitiful memory of their diminished love, wide awake until the moon faded into

morning. She had left back to her own apartment without awaking the other woman only a few

hours later. Their relationship ended days later.

She now held a deep fear of future relationships finding that same damned barrier and ending in the

same defeated slump. To end so mutually, so loveless, was harder than any end she had faced. She

never wanted to feel so thwarted of a good thing ever again.

"But, Tegan, is having the first sex in years after a hard breakup with a girl you've known for a month

and who you might never see again in a few days a good idea?" Emy ventured carefully, tiptoeing

around Tegan's feelings. Only half of that was true, but it still made Tegan feel a small douse of guilt.

"I'm not guilt-tripping you. I'm just worried. I don't want you to go down some weird path of self-

destruction, you know? Everyone loves puppy dog Tegan. I think it helps us remember, like…

innocence. I don't want you to lose something that makes you so… you."

"It's not like that, Emy. It's just… it's refreshing. It's new. I have really weird, confusing affection for

Sara as a person and I like having sex with her. A lot. I don't really see anything wrong with that.

People do that all the time. It's different for me, but it's also kind of cool not having all that extra shit

on top of it." Tegan explained. She struggled to gather her jumbled thoughts to create coherent

sentences. It was hard to explain how she felt in such a new situation. "I've never felt such, like…

crazy attraction for someone. I like it. I like not worrying that she's going to leave me or fall out of

love with me or who will take the coffee table if we break up because, you know, we're not

together."

"Are you sure that's what she wants? Like, did you talk about it?"

"There wasn't a lot of talking, but I know Sara wanted to have sex with me." Tegan shivered at the

memory of Sara's words brushing her skin, "I do."

"That's not what I mean. I mean, are you sure she doesn't want more than that?" Emy questioned.

"Like, what if she wants to get the coffee table you'll fight over when you break up?"

Tegan snorted at that absurd idea. "Emy, there is no way Sara Clement likes me. She doesn't even

believe in love. She's technically never been in a relationship and I think she likes it that way."

"Are you projecting that onto her or do you think she really feels that way?"

"What are you, my therapist?" Tegan laughed. "I really believe that she feels that way. I mean, why

would she want to date me? I'm not rich, I have tattoos, I live in an apartment with an unemployed

artist-"

"Hey!" Emy cried in offense.

Tegan grinned, "What I'm saying is, I come from the wrong side of the tracks and we're not in a

movie. Sara's not going to fall for the 'bad boy'. We just wanted to have sex, so we did. No big deal."

she shrugged to the bird chirping outside her window.

"Hmm…" Emy seemed to think this over. Tegan waited patiently in the silence, swinging her legs

behind herself as she closed her eyes to the warmth of the sun peeking through the glass and over

her face. "Maybe this is good for you then. Like, maybe you needed this. Maybe you needed to have

something casual one-off to, like… push you forward. You had been stuck in the same place for so

long after Theresa, hopefully this will change things and move you towards something new."

Though Tegan really hoped that it wasn't a one-off, she nodded in agreement against her phone.

"Maybe. I guess we'll see."

"But listen, I've got to go meet Sarah for lunch. Be careful and don't fuck things up. You literally have

two days." Emy advised seriously.

"Yes, mom." Tegan intoned with a roll of her eyes.

"Fuck off. See you soon, Tee."

When Tegan spotted Sara sitting out on the bench by the pool, buried in The Hunger Games, she did

not feel that same panic she had felt the day after they kissed. Instead, a burst of excited butterflies

stormed in her gut. She walked slowly as she approached her, taking in her beauty with a new eye

that was not full of hormonal wonderment, but appreciation on a higher level. She could now stare

at the contours of her body without the lurking question of what everything looked like. She now

had the pleasure of simply seeing and enjoying.

Having never embarked on the land they were on, Tegan walked with a slightly unsure stumble. This

was completely foreign to her and she was eager to get past the awkward hellos of 'you saw me

naked and I feel weird'. She just wanted to get to the point where they were seeing each other

naked again or just talking through their transition into friendship.

Stepping up to her, she allowed her body to shade Sara from the sun with a smile curling only one

side of her mouth as she shoved her hands into her pockets. "Heeey..." The dragged out hello

sounded stupid to her own ears, and as Sara looked up from her pages, it was clear she thought the

same. "Hi there, Sara." she reiterated with far more confidence.

"Hello, Tegan Rain." Sara looked her up and down. Tegan wondered if she was having the same

thoughts of discomfort and appreciation for Tegan's body. "Those are very interesting pants."

Tegan looked down at the tight stretch of black material over legs, littered in neon yellow polka dots.

"My favorite!" she announced with a beam. "So, what're you up to?" She settled down next to her

on the bench and folded her legs together on the seat.

"I found time to venture in this story," Sara kept her place with her finger as she presented the book

to Tegan's eyes, "but with an interruption from you I should have foreseen, I suppose I will continue

to wonder what will happen after the first paragraph."

Only a short while ago, that comment would have made Tegan roll her eyes and grow the slightest

bit angry, but now she chortled. What was once seen as rude was now colored in quirky humor. Sara

was an oddball, twisted with a dark past and weird manners, and Tegan wondered what other things

she perceived incorrectly about her, as everything she had once seen was being distorted and seen

in a completely new light. It was a good thing they hadn't had sex before now, as Tegan would have

taken that sentence as a brush off to leave Sara alone and a silent admission that yesterday was

tainted in mistake to the other woman, but Tegan knew Sara was inviting her to stay without

actually saying the words.

"Did you find time because you're not spending the day searching for an apartment?" Tegan asked,

leaning her elbows on her knees comfortably. "'Cause I realized at some point last night that you

never actually said yes to coming with me."

"With that choice of wording, technically I did."

Tegan furrowed her brow, piecing together that meaning before a bark of laughter ceased her

confusion. She threw her head back with a roar of amusement, looking down the slope of her nose

to grin rather flirtatiously at Sara. Sara's lips curled in a closed mouth smile, the light sparkling like

diamonds in her eyes. "Touche."

"But yes, Tegan Rain, I will take your invitation." Sara answered her question with a small nod. Relief

flooded through Tegan's system, taking a tense line from her back. "You were correct. I really have

no other option than to say yes."

"Are you nervous?" Tegan asked, running her fingers through her hair as the heat outside grew

intense when the wind ceased for too long. "And don't give me some bullshit 'I don't get nervous' or

'One must never admit their… like, timidness' or something."

"As that was a babble of nonsense, I am incapable of reciting any of that to you." Sara jested. "I will

be honest, I am apprehensive. I have never lived in a world like the one you seem to come from. I… I

fear I might not adapt well or that…" Sara trailed off, breaking eye contact.

"What?" Tegan prodded in concern. She wanted Sara to relay all her worries so she could quell all of

them with her higher knowledge of the world that lurked outside of this yard.

"I worry I may not find camaraderie with those who I will happen upon." Sara looked like a small

child as she avoided Tegan's eye in a moment of exposed weakness.

"What do you mean?"

"I know I am not like the people out there, Tegan Rain. I know just from taking one look at you. You

mar the marks of a world I do not comprehend whatsoever. You are so… vastly different from me,

but we have found a middle ground that makes sense to me and you are not so hard to understand."

Sara's explanation was so quiet, as if she was afraid to let the words touch the wind and be drifted to

ears that could pick up on her frailty.

Tegan rested a hand on Sara's back, offering comfort. Sara's back did not even tense under her

touch, and Tegan guessed it was because of what happened between them last night. "What makes

you think you won't be able to do that with other people?"

Sara shook her head, "It's not the same. With you it will always be different than with anyone I am

to meet in the future."

"Why is that?" Tegan inquired curiously.

"I suppose a lot of it has to do with the fact that you have seen my world. You understand where I

come from more than anyone can dare to wonder. In a way, it is a blessing no one shall know of… all

of this. But it will stilt my interactions. I have been told even from people in this society that I am

hard to approach or relate to. I can only imagine how difficult it will become with others."

It was such a human thing to worry about that Tegan felt the camaraderie Sara was so afraid of not

finding in people. She patted Sara's back, feeling the hot material of her button up sear beneath the

sun. "Sara, I'm from 'out there' or whatever. I can relate to you and other people will be able to. If

anything, you'll… you'll, like, intrigue people or whatever."

"Will others think I communicate as oddly as you have referenced?"

"Yeah," Tegan nodded. "That's unavoidable. You speak really weird. I wouldn't be surprised if your

first word was something crazy, like… flabbergasted."

"Spoon, actually." Sara informed her with a small smile. "According to Martin."

"My first word was fuck." Tegan laughed as Sara's eyebrows rose up her forehead.

"I am unsurprised. You are rather oafish." Tegan pretended to know what that word meant, pulling

her face into the proper offense she was sure it deserved. "Mother taught me to speak this way. I

know no other way of talking. She wanted me to speak with proper dignity to pronounce my

hierarchy, even as a child. I find the way you communicate a bit funny, really. Sure, Stacy and others

do not speak like me, but they also do not speak like you. There is something very… spontaneous

about the way you let it all out. It was unnerving at first, admittedly."

"Sometimes I still don't know what the fuck you're trying to say, but I can wrap my head around it

for the most part. You just talk like you're from a different time or like you've pieced everything

together perfectly. It's kind of cool." Tegan took her hand back from Sara's back and sighed. The sun

was making her feel lethargic and sleepy as she rested her head against the bench. "You better get

used to the way I speak. You'll be hearing a lot of it."

"It is discouraging that I will be the exception instead of you now," Sara pursed her lips. "I do not

fare well being the odd one out. I am used to a very particular, figurative pedestal."

"You'll do fine, dude. You'll get used to it." Tegan raised her arms above her head in a stretch,

arching her back. The pressure in her back dissipated into comfort, forcing a soft groan through her

throat. She tossed her head back and rubbed her eyes as the idea of a nap popped into her brain.

She squinted her eyes open past the sun and a thrill shot down her spine as she caught Sara ogling

her chest through her lashes. Biting her piercing, she bent her back the slightest bit more to jut her

chest out further. Sara was subtle in her appreciation with no crude lip bites or raised brows, but the

interest in her eyes stirred arousal inside of Tegan; sex had clearly torn down Sara's barrier when it

came to being obvious with the attraction that Tegan had believed she lacked. "My eyes are up here."

she teased, voice low with flirtation.

Sara's eyes drifted up her neck to meet her gaze, unembarrassed while her lips tugged into a small

smile. "Yes, and they are equally, if not more captivating." She spoke softly, with reverence; the

compliment was not shadowed by any form of mockery or teasing.

Swelling flattery caused Tegan to giggle and blush like a schoolgirl, widening Sara's smile. "Fuck off,"

she joked, lightly punching Sara's shoulder. "No wonder you get so many ladies. Teach me your ways,

Sara Clement."

Sara's smile wavered the slightest bit as she fell silent, looking out to the pool with a small cock of

her head. The wind tousled her combed hair, teasing the strands against her high cheekbones. Tegan

rested arm on the back of the bench and cushioned her head against the flesh of her forearm,

admiring the unique angle of Sara's jaw, so exquisitely sharp and fitting for her heart-shaped face.

"Do you…" Tegan sucked her piercing into her mouth nervously. The topic of last night was like a

hefty, looming elephant and Tegan wasn't sure if she should point it out or not. But she needed to.

"Uh, do you regret what happened yesterday?"

"Which occurrence?" Sara questioned, voice rather flat.

"Uh, you know…" Tegan cleared her throat. "When we, uh… Jesus, I really am too old to be

embarrassed to say this." She rolled her eyes at herself, "When we had sex."

"I know," Sara turned to her with a mischievous smirk. "I wanted to watch you squirm. No, Tegan

Rain, I feel no sense of regret. I never feel repentance for actions that bring me pleasure. As you

brought me to pleasure and I quite enjoyed doing the same for you, I have nothing to feel abashed

of." Tegan nodded, satisfied with that response. Sara turned to her with a small frown, however.

"But now I am awaiting your inevitable declaration that yesterday is something you wish had not

happened. Perhaps you could bypass the insults to my personality this time and just get on with it?"

Tegan held her hands up at that accusation. "Hey, whoa. I told you I wouldn't regret it, didn't I? I was

right. I don't."

Sara faltered, "You don't?" she asked quietly, peeking up at Tegan through thick lashes with a flash

of uncertainty.

Smiling, Tegan shook her head. "I don't. It was pretty awesome." She nibbled on her piercing, rolling

the cool metal on her tongue. "I actually, uh, wouldn't mind it happening again. Er… you know, if

that'd be something you'd be cool with too." She cringed at her awkward ramble. "Like, I wouldn't

be opposed or sad if it happened again."

She had breached the topic of friends with benefits clumsily and gracelessly, but the door was now

wide open with possibility. The ball was now in Sara's court and Tegan prayed she would not get

rejected.

"You wish to have intercourse with me again?" Sara cocked her head to the side, and the wind

caught her hair in a swaying dance.

"Yeah. I mean, not right this very second, but… yeah." Tegan swallowed thickly. Right now actually

sounded perfect, but she wasn't going to push her luck. "We could have sex sometimes if you want.

Does, uh, that sound like something you'd want?"

"Yes." Sara answered simply.

Tegan held back an embarrassing squeal of excitement pushing at her throat, "Yeah?"

"Yes, Tegan Rain." Sara nodded, glancing sideways at her before looking away just as quickly.

"Awesome!" A giddy grin lit up Tegan's face before she cleared her throat and straightened her face,

playing it cool. "I mean, okay. Nice. That's rad."

The next day was a frenzy of preparing to leave.

Between preparing her last three meals for the Clement's and meticulously packing her suitcase, she

rarely saw Sara. She was rushing through the quick day, double checking that she had collected all of

her belongings, but as she finished dinner, she allowed herself a moment's pause to flow through

the accomplishment rising in her chest. It felt like it would never end, but now it was. She had

managed to live in a completely different world with barely any bumps in the road, and her food was

satisfactory enough to get the approval of the pristine palates of this lavished family. The pressures

rolled off her shoulders in a relieving lessen of stress and she sighed as the tension left her body. She

was going to get her paycheck tomorrow, she'd be able to pay for next semester of school, and she

had a very huge achievement to add to her resume.

Giving herself a pat on the back, she dressed in flannel pajama pants and a loose t-shirt as the moon

drifted into the black sky. She brushed her teeth, giving herself a praising grin at everything that had

occurred in the last few days: sex with a beautiful woman with the promise of it happening again

and the end of a difficult job.

"Way to go." she complimented her reflection with a rather nerdy grin, showing off her gums and

sparking in her eyes. She felt fantastic.

Exiting the bathroom with her dirty uniform and toiletry bag, she caught sight of Sara approaching

her own bedroom door and hurried forward. "Hey! You ready for tomorrow?"

Sara turned to her and took in her pajamas with a small quirk to her lips. "Nice pajamas."

"Get used to these. I barely get out of them at home." Tegan chuckled.

Sara raised a brow, "How unmannerly." she replied and Tegan shrugged carelessly. "Surprisingly, I

am ready for tomorrow. I will try not to fret tonight."

"Yeah, man, don't even worry. It'll be fine. Everything will be okay." Tegan assured her with a smile.

"What time do you think you'll leave?"

"I hope to be out of the residence by eight in the morning. I will wait around the corner of the road

we biked down a few days ago." Sara explained, sparking a mental map in Tegan's brain.

"Alright, cool." Tegan nodded in understanding. "Expect me to meet you there by nine. Have you

packed?"

"I have most of packing done. It's rather difficult sorting through your life and deciding what to leave

behind, as I cannot bring everything. It pains me to leave so many of my books behind." Sara

murmured.

"Martin, remember? Just get the most essential, important things and he can bring you other things

over time." Tegan reminded her with a friendly grin. "I'm going to go to bed. I want tonight to fly by

so we can be home. I'm stoked."

"Home." Sara whispered mostly to herself, biting her bottom lip. "Tegan Rain."

"Yeah?"

Sara stepped forward in Tegan's personal space, the scent of her gentle cologne pleasant in its

proximity. With both of them being so short, Tegan had the rare ability to look someone directly in

the eye, catching every individual eyelash as they protected Sara's hazel orbs with a blink. Her cold

fingers touched Tegan's cheek airily, causing Tegan's breath to catch in her throat as confusion rose

in her mind. Sara's face grew blurry as she leaned closer and parted red lips pressed lightly against

the corner of Tegan's mouth. It was brief, warm, and totally unexpected. Her fingers brushed the rise

of Tegan's cheekbone, the pad of her thumb lightly dragging across her chin as she stepped away,

expression unreadable. "I will see you in the morning."

Thrown off by the sweet goodnight kiss, Tegan let out an almost nervous laugh as she resisted the

urge to touch her hand to her lips. It felt like a thank you that Sara would never speak aloud. "Oh.

Right, yeah. Night, dude."


	17. U-Haul

It was early in ways Tegan had not seen since she was a lazy teenager, slamming her fist into her

alarm clock's snooze button until she jerked into action realizing she only had ten minutes to get

ready for school. Where she had once arrived late to first period Psychology with dark circles under

her eyes and wrinkled shirts, she now sat at the edge of her bed yawning and rubbing the sleep from

her eyes. The sky was a pretty purple outside, darkening the room and making it impossible to see

past her hand.

Tousling her messy hair, she moved to her feet and scuffled through the black abyss of her room for

her toiletry bag and the clothes she had left lying on the dresser. Her hip struck the wood, rising

anger and pain inside of her as she gasped whispered curses, stifling the throbbing sharp pain under

her hand.

Now wide awake and gritting her teeth together, she ripped the door open and stomped in adapted

silence to the bathroom. The sleepy reflection in the mirror was shaded by the collection of her

eyelashes, protecting her squinting eyes against the sudden white light of the shining bathroom. Her

hair was a mess of brown waves curling in wayward directions from by her pillow, and along with the

red lines imprinted on her cheek, it was clear she had just woken from a good nights sleep. Her eyes

were clouded with dreams still lurking in dazed reality, childishly puffy with sleep.

"Ugh, god." she groaned, lightly slapping skin of her cheeks in hopes to lighten up her face. Shaking

her head, she grabbed her toothbrush and wet the bristles, beginning the preparations of the long

day ahead of her.

The mental list of everything she had to do, wanted to do, and had to explain over the next sixteen-

ish hours was jumbled as she ran over it. She needed to make herself presentable within the next

thirty minutes, and then Sara would be leaving the house. Tegan would resist spying on the

conversation and listening in on the shock in her mother's voice when she found out Sara had found

a place early. Meanwhile, she needed to double-check she had all of her belongings packed and then

an hour later, she would be approaching the elder Clement's for her paycheck and a stiff goodbye.

She'd meet Sara moments later and they'd hurry to the apartment to meet Emy and she'd then

explain with apologetic cringes and puppy dog eyes why there was another woman now living in

their home. They'd get to know each other the rest of the day, and then maybe she and Sara could

have sex for the rest of the night. Fingers crossed.

She wasn't sure what protocols occurred in the end of a month long job, so she dressed in the top

she had borrowed from Sara for the dinner party and the polka dotted pants she had worn the day

before. She slipped into her ratty Converse and stood back to access herself. She looked a bit like a

clusterfuck with a shirt tailored for a slighter body than her own and casual pants, but she seemed

passable in her own eyes - which meant she was anything but acceptable in Mrs. Clement's eyes, but

that woman's idea of what was good and bad really did not matter to Tegan at this point.

She then set about taming her locks, running her comb through a knot in the back of her hair with a

wince and watery eyes until she looked as if she had been awake for more than one minute. Pleased,

she left the room with a soft sigh. She couldn't wait to be home.

Walking down the halls with her backpack stuffed much less artfully than it had been on the way to

the Clement's, Tegan felt a bit like she was walking down death row. Heart pounding and palms

sweating, she imagined a paycheck being ripped apart in her face with spitting insults to the gay

lifestyle and some bullshit about forcing Sara into it as well. If they had put two-and-two together

when they saw Sara away, Tegan was no doubt completely fucked. She really hoped her helpful act

would not come back around to bite her in the ass. There was no way she'd be able to pay for next

semester if they refused to give her the paycheck and she refused to ask her mother for help. She

was an adult and she wanted to act like one, but it was fucking hard without a stable job and if they

found out about her lustful behavior with their daughter, she would never have one. She would be a

shocking disappointment to her professors and a laughing stock of stupidity to her peers if they ever

knew that Sara was the daughter of her employers. They could never find out and she would make it

her duty so that they never did.

Only succeeding in making herself even more nervous, she shook her thoughts away and sucked in a

calming breath that did anything but. Her body was all but vibrating with nerves, moments away

from jerking her through the roof and sending her through the black abyss of outer space to escape

this uncomfortable situation.

But she then turned the corner where Sara's mother and father stood, and there was no turning

back. Standing stiffly, the Mrs. Clement looked as emotionless as ever. Her jaw was tight, her arms

crossed over her chest without wrinkling her long-sleeved black dress. Her lips were pressed tightly

together as she watched Tegan approach as if stepping up to a den of lions. Mr. Clement held the

thin, small paper of Tegan's paycheck, his button down tucked into the waistband of his trousers. His

eyes were miles away, lips forming a small frown. Tegan wondered if he was regretting not speaking

up and consequently allowing his daughter to leave their home forever on his wife's cruel whim. She

hoped he was.

"Ah, Miss Rain," Mrs. Clement's voice was a sharp snip. Tegan's stomach made a harsh lurch to her

throat and for a moment, she seriously panicked that she might empty her stomach at their feet.

"Good morning."

Tegan clutched the straps of her backpack between clammy fists, "Er, good morning."

"We would like to thank you for your hard work this past month." It was a compliment, but it was

presented so flatly Tegan felt anything but thankful. Sara had emotions under her impassive mask,

but there was not a thing salvageable under her mother's own detached nature. This woman was far

too gone; there was no turning her into a human. Tegan saw the warmth of humanity in Sara's eyes,

but there was nothing but cold shards in her mother's dark eyes.

"It was my pleasure." Tegan responded with a small, loosely respectful nod.

"We appreciate you coming all this way under such short notice." Mrs. Clement gave a nod to her

husband, who blinked away his thoughts and presented her the paycheck in silence. "You did well."

Tegan slowly took the paycheck, holding the paper tightly in case this was a hoax and they were

going to steal it back any moment. "Thank you for the opportunity."

Mrs. Clement gave a nod. "You may leave whenever you like. Goodbye, Miss Rain."

Tegan sucked in a relieved breath, "Goodbye."

The two elders turned and disappeared down the opposite hall. There interaction was short and

abrupt; she was not only unsurprised by that, but unbothered. The less time spent with them, the

better. She released the air in her lungs, shoulders relaxing. She had gotten away with so much; it

was truly a miracle.

"Miss Rain?" Tegan turned on her heel at Martin's soft voice, rising back to attention as the man

approached her with a gentle smile. "I'm glad I could see you before you left."

Tegan returned his smile, "Me too."

"I am sure you're anxious to get back home, so I'll keep this short. I said my goodbyes to Miss Sara

early this morning, and I want to express my deepest gratitude to you for," he lowered his voice

even more so, "giving her a home to go to. I was very concerned for her well-being. I'm truly

thankful for you."

"You know?" Tegan whispered, wide eyed.

"It was not hard to put together, but do not worry. The Clement's are too wrapped up in their own

minds to see it together. You are an amazing person for doing this." His hand, lightly spotted in liver

spots and wrinkled with life, touched her shoulder. "I enjoyed your stay here. You did a great thing

for Miss Sara. I have not seen her so alive with another person in a very long time. It was

heartwarming to see that again. I appreciate you so much, Miss R-" he paused and slowly, a gentle

smile slid onto his lips, "Tegan."

Touched, Tegan gave an almost teary laugh. "It only took a month, but you're finally calling me by

my name. Awesome."

He gave a soft chuckle. "I hope to see you again."

"I do too," Tegan sniffled back her pouring emotions and gave his hand a pat as it lowered to his side.

"Please watch her, Tegan. I worry about her and when I am not there to see her on the visits she was

speaking of this morning, it's comforting to know she will be with someone who cares about her."

His eyes were bright with mixed emotions, but his lips were stretched into a smile.

Only a few weeks ago Tegan would have felt terribly guilty at that, but now she could openly admit

she cared for Sara. "I will. I promise."

"Go on, now." He shooed her with a teasing grin. "She's an impatient one, no matter what she

decides to voice. Best not keep her waiting."

"See you soon, Martin."

Tegan found Sara exactly where she said she'd be, leaned against the bark of a tree to protect

against the unforgiving sun just outside of the residence. The straps of a stuffed beige bag clung to

the shoulders of her tucked in blue button up while her wavy fringe danced in the early morning

breeze. She was holding The Hunger Games, not reading it, but hugging it to her chest like a

protective barrier.

"Hey, you." Tegan greeted with a tentative smile. Sara's eyes lifted from the ground to meet her

gaze, a small smile tugging at her lips as she caught sight of Tegan leaning over the handle bars of

her bike. "How'd it go?"

"It went about how I imagined. Mother was shocked, yet refused to show any sign of it. She did not

offer me any well-wishes and father could not even look me in the eye." Sara shrugged it off as if she

did not care, but Tegan was not fooled.

"You okay?" she asked softly, hopping off her bike and shoving down the kickstand with the toe of

her shoe. She fixed her own backpack and approached Sara carefully. The wind whistled, rustling the

leaves above them as cars zoomed in the distance, reminding Tegan of the life she would be finding

and reestablishing herself with so soon. "It's okay to be hurt. They're your parents. No one in their

right mind would think you were crazy for being hurt by them right now."

"I would not use the word hurt, necessarily." Sara muttered stiffly. She was so intensely

uncomfortable with her own emotions. "I was not expecting the rush of nostalgia I felt while leaving.

It's odd leaving behind everything I know to be with you-" Sara stopped speaking abruptly, her eyes

snapping to meet Tegan's. "That came out incorrectly."

"It's cool, I know what you mean." Tegan shrugged, "You're leaving your whole life and entering the

one I know. That's insane, but I'll help. And I'm sure Emy will be happy to help too."

"Emy is your roommate, correct?" Tegan nodded. "Is her name short for anything?"

"Her full name is Emily Storey," she told her. "But like, nobody calls her Emily. I don't even think of

her as an Emily."

"I don't know why one would go by something so informal with a beautiful name like Emily," Sara

said. Tegan twisted her face into disagreement; she always thought the name Emy was sort of cute.

"You said she is going to art school?"

"Yeah. Why don't we get going and I'll tell you everything you need to know about her?" Tegan

suggested. She hurried back to her bicycle and straddled the bars, pushing the kickstand back to

balance herself on her tiptoes. "Get on my bike?"

"The way we have done before?" Sara questioned, stepping out of the shaded tree limbs to eye the

bike with the same wary uncertainty as before.

"Yeah, it'll be faster getting home that way."

Sara dropped her book in the basket in an odd déjà vu of the last time they were in this position, and

though it had only been a short time since that day, things were so different it felt like ages ago.

Tegan watched her look over her shoulder at the distant roof of her childhood home high above the

tree limbs. A flash of sadness ripped through her eyes and Tegan did not hesitate to swivel her body

at an awkward angle to wrap her arms around Sara's shoulders. She pulled her into a hug, taking this

time to catch a whiff of Sara's pleasant scent. It reminded her of something, but she couldn't put a

finger on it.

"It'll be okay." she assured softly against Sara's neck. Sara tensed in her arms, shoulders stiff and

back tight beneath Tegan's palms. "It's okay to be sad, despite what your mum has taught you. You

just need time. It'll be okay."

Hesitantly, Sara's relaxed into her hug. She wrapped her own arms around Tegan's waist, accepting

the offer of comfort with a gentle squeeze around her body. She rested her soft cheek on Tegan's

shoulder and sighed. "I feel less sadness than I do hatred. I feel a severe amount of anger at them."

Tegan dragged her hands up and down Sara's back in slow comfort, shivering as Sara's words

brushed her throat. "That's understandable, dude. I'd hate them too. I do hate them, those fucking

assholes."

Sara inched away from her, eyes guarded as she stepped away from the hug. "Let's not speak of

them. Tell me about this Emily."

Green fields and aged buildings melted into a blur of Sara's departing familiarity, slowly transitioning

into Tegan's territory as she rambled funny stories of Emy. She explained that they met in Junior

High, when their limbs were awkward and their hair embarrassing as she tried not to focus on the

soft touch of Sara's hands on her hips. She shouted over zooming wind as her calves burned with

exertion and sweat began to build at her hairline. She explained how they became fast friends after

their lockers had been placed next to each others, and how they had soon bonded over their mutual

interest for the way their drawing teacher's cardigans tightened across her ample bust. She told her

all about Emy's passion for every type of art and how kind she was to everyone she happened upon

until she caught sight of the familiar towering buildings of her town.

"We're almost there!" she announced, looking over her shoulder to grin brightly at Sara's curious

gaze up at the new life she was breaching. She pushed her body over the handlebars and pedaled

harder, eager to get home. She bee-lined through pedestrians on the sidewalk before dropping her

feet to the ground at the crosswalk. She watched the little red hand, awaiting its switch into a tiny

person as cars roared past them. A jogger stopped beside them, her long ponytail swinging back and

forth as she continued to run in place, eyes brimming with determination as the music from her ear

buds muffled unfamiliar lyrics to Tegan's own ears. Cooking food heavied the air as the sun shone

down to glisten on bare shoulders of people walking in and out of shops, hands clutching bags of

new belongings while incomprehensible stories were passed between friends with bubbling laughter.

Tegan closed her eyes for a moment and took in a deep breath, simply listening to the hustle and

bustle of her home. Cars honked in rage only automobiles brought out in even the kindest people

while littered newspaper rustled in the wind. She slipped her eyes open and caught sight of the

signal to cross the street, quickly hopping back onto the pedals to the other sidewalk as the jogger

rushed past them.

"Is it overwhelming?" she asked Sara as they passed her favorite bakery. She would need to bring

the other woman back sometime soon.

"It is definitely uncharted territory." Sara responded, voice so soft and small under the cities

clustered noises. It made Tegan feel a bit like a lion as something protective roared in her chest. She

would absolutely have to watch her as Martin had asked; she had to make sure she could survive

here in this culture shock.

"You'll get used to it. Don't worry." she reassured as they turned the corner. Her heart jumped at

the sight of her apartment and slowly, she came to a stop. "Here we are!"

"This is your apartment?" Sara questioned.

"Our apartment." Tegan revised as she watched Sara slowly slip off the bicycle, gazing up at the tall

gray building. She watched curiously as Sara's intent eyes scoured the long rows of square windows

peaking up to the blue sky.

"I do not believe I have ever happened upon an apartment complex such as this," Sara clutched her

book to her chest like a child did a teddy bear, camouflaged awe bright in her eyes. She looked like a

baby experiencing something untouched, so unsure of how to approach it and eager to learn their

way around it. It made Tegan grin; she was so different from the confident, cold woman she had first

met.

"C'mon," she nodded towards the doors, picking her bike up with one struggling groan. "I'll show

you what your new place looks like."

They slipped inside, Sara trailing after her slowly as they awaited the elevators arrival. "Sorry my ass

was in your face the entire way here," Tegan chuckled as the elevator dinged and the doors slid

open. She pressed her knuckle into the small button adorning the number seven and watched as

Sara backed herself into the corner as the doors closed with a low groan. "There was no way to

avoid it."

Sara turned to her with a sportive smirk playing on her lips. "I don't find a particular con in having

your bum in close vicinity to me, Tegan Rain."

Tegan leaned her bike against the wall as her face split into a wide, pleased grin. "Ever made out in

an elevator before?" She sauntered closer and quirked an eyebrow until they were inches apart.

Sara wet her lips, glancing down to Tegan's own parted pair. Her fringe had fallen over her eyes,

artfully accentuating her sharp jaw and curling around her high cheekbones, lightly pink from heat.

She was incredibly enticing. "Can't say that I have."

Tegan moved past the last bit of distance between them, stitching their lips together in a soft kiss

she had been awaiting for longer than she cared to admit. She trapped Sara against the wall as they

traveled slowly up the floors of the building, her hands on either side of Sara's head as their tongues

met. A moan caught in her throat at the taste she had yet to become accustomed to, arousal

sparking down her spine. Sara held her book between them with one hand as the other came up to

cradle Tegan's jaw, her fingers cool and soft against her skin as they gradually parted. The ride up to

their floor was short and she really didn't want any of the neighbors to see them kissing.

Tegan bit her lip and opened her eyes to see Sara's own were still shut, lips still slightly puckered and

the pink in her cheeks darkened to a blushing red. Her tongue poked through the seam of her lips,

tracing over her bottom lip in a hypnotizing touch that Tegan was immediately jealous of, bottom lip

crying out in shame that it wasn't being treated so delicately. Sara's eyelashes fluttered as her eyes

opened, pupils taking over her irises as her hand brushed Tegan's cheek to brush her slightly sweat

dampened fringe from her face, tucking it behind her bent ear as her eyes roamed over her with

something Tegan didn't understand. She stood still, allowing Sara to soak up whatever it is she was

looking at, stomach tightening almost nervously. "You are utterly bewitching." Sara voice was

breathy, lisping over her words.

"Thanks, dude," Tegan grinned, stepping back from her as she saw they were almost to their floor.

"You're not so bad yourself." Sara eyes dropped to the floor, not looking complimented at all despite

the fact that Tegan had attempted to do just that. Tegan frowned, realizing she wasn't near as

smooth as Sara was with wooing the ladies. "I mean, you know, you're a major babe." she added.

Sara looked up at her with a furrowed brow and a displeased twist to her lips. "Uh, you're easy on

the eyes?" She groaned as the elevator dinged and the doors breached open. "Sorry. I'm so fucking

awkward. I have no idea how to do this whole friends with benefits thing. Just forget I spoke."

Sara was silent as they stepped out into the hallway and for a moment, Tegan thought she had

decided this was all a bad idea and turned around to leave, but when she checked over her shoulder,

Sara was eying the black carpet and white walls of shut doors and silver numbers. "See? It's not

rundown."

"Hmm." Sara hummed, the noise skeptical. "We have very different ideals of what constitutes as

high-end, I suppose."

"I never said this was high-end," Tegan snorted, stopping at the door near the very end of the

hallway. She stuffed her hand down her pants pocket and fished her key. "Remind me that we need

to make you a key."

Shoving the door open, she dropped her key on the small table settled at the entrance and kicked

the door shut behind Sara. "Home sweet home!"

Sara held her book tightly against her chest as she surveyed her new home with fresh eyes.

"Emy?" Tegan called, craning her neck to search through the house. "Honey, I'm home! Em?!" The

apartment did not carry Emy's excited voice in response and Tegan sighed in disappointment. "She

must be out with her girlfriend."

Sara was too busy studying the nude painting of a model from Emy's first year in college to respond,

her head cocked to the side at the burst of bright color over the woman's curvaceous side.

"C'mere," Tegan grabbed one of Sara's dainty wrists and tugged her forwards with a wide grin. Sara

responded with a small, curious smile as Tegan began to drag her through the hall. Tegan wondered

absently how she could make Sara smile at her properly today; it was becoming her mission to

receive at least one of those stunning smiles every day. "I'll give you the grand tour."

The walls were covered in Emy's art, decorating unexciting white walls with interesting designs and

explosions of rainbow spectrum colors. The narrow hallway to the living room was littered with

discarded shoes, the tangled laces of Converse nearly tripping Tegan, making her realize how

unaccustomed to clutter she had become over the last month. A faux leather jacket rested in the

middle of the hardwood floor next to a flannel shirt that Tegan was fairly sure was her own, and a

crinkled Taco Bell bag lay forgotten at the corner. Sara looked positively traumatized.

"Here's the living room," Tegan presented the small area with a flourish in her arm. The black couch

was furnished with purple pillows adorning head impressions and a forgotten white throw. The

television was settled on the floor a few feet away, as they had never quite gotten around to buying

an entertainment center, the DVD player resting beside it and the remote placed purposely on top of

it. The large window held wide open purple curtains, allowing the bright sunlight to stream into the

home and liven up the dark room. "This is where I try to ignore the fact that Emy and her girlfriend

are making out while we watch a movie. You'll probably be better at acting like you haven't noticed

the disgusting noises they make." Tegan poked her tongue out, smiling when Sara gave a trilling

laugh.

"Actually, I don't believe I have ever witnessed two women in the act of kissing." she confessed.

Tegan's eyes bugged out of her head, "We should go make out in front of a mirror or something. But

really? Not even on the internet?" she gaped, before remembering something important. "Wait, you

didn't have a computer at home. Does that… Sara, have you ever watched porn?"

"It is rather rude to ask a person if they indulge in pornography, Tegan Rain." Sara tsked. Tegan

rolled her eyes and tugged on Sara's wrist with a curious tilt to her head, causing Sara to give a

relenting sigh, "No, I have not."

A mischievous smirk tugged at Tegan's lips, divulging her thoughts to Sara's raised brow. "We're

going to have a lot of fun while you stay here, Sara."

Interest sparked over Sara's impassive eyes, "I will await new adventures on bated breath."

"You are a true poet," Tegan teased, dragging Sara to the short distance of the kitchen. "Here's

where I make every meal unless I can talk everyone into eating fast food. Not exactly as crazy cool as

your kitchen, but it'll do until I'm a world famous chef with a TV show."

She allowed Sara only a glance at the stained counters before she was turning them around and

tugging her through the living room and into a dark, short hallway.

"The bathroom is through there," She pointed at the unlit room, the clear curtain and fuzzy red mat

uninteresting. "Emy's room is there," She nodded at the closed door across from the bathroom.

"And this is where the magic happens. And by that, I mean this is where I debate watching porn,

then feel sad that I reminded myself I'm alone, and end up eating ice cream and hugging a pillow

instead." Sara's eyebrows shot up her forehead and Tegan gave an awkward chuckle as she rubbed

the back of her neck. "Uh… just kidding."

Excitedly, she threw the door open and made a running leap to her bed. Landing with a squeak to

the mattress, she buried her face in baby blue sheets. Her body relaxed at the familiarity and she let

out a happy sigh as she cuddled up to the blankets. "I missed you." she whispered to her bed with

the conviction of reunited lovers.

She rolled onto her back and watched Sara explore her room without stepping past the doorway.

Frayed ends of old posters were tacked up to one wall, the colors faded and splotchy from the

curtainless window across the room exposing the tall building and city below. Dirty clothes and clean

articles alike were thrown carelessly over her CD rack, bookshelf, and pooling on the carpet as if her

closet had thrown up all over her room. Her laptop was settled on the table beneath her window,

surrounded by old homework assignments and inkless pens.

"You can come in, y'know."

Sara took a few nearly timid steps inside, endearing out of her comfort zone. Her fingers dusted over

the frets of Tegan's guitar by her door - the strings vibrated, reverberating a gentle noise that Tegan

had missed. "Do you think you would ever showcase your talent on this instrument to me?"

Tegan shrugged, "Do you think you'd ever play my keyboard for me?"

Sara glanced over to her sideways, her lips pursed. "Perhaps." she hesitantly relented.

"Then yeah. Maybe."

Sara turned away from the guitar and nibbled on her bottom lip, "Where shall I stay?"

"Well," Tegan sat up and took off her backpack with a sigh. "I've literally shown you the entire

apartment. We don't have any other rooms and I'm not selfless enough to offer my room to you.

So… we can share my room, if that's cool with you."

"Oh, I cannot ask that of you, Tegan Rain."

"You're not asking. I'm offering… demanding, sort of." Tegan ran a hand through her hair and

grinned. "Hope you don't snore."

"I am appalled at that accusation." Sara gasped, seemingly genuinely offended.

Tegan threw her head back with a laugh, "Well, do you sleep naked?"

Sara gave an unembarrassed shrug, easing her bag off her shoulders to rest it at the end of Tegan's

bed. "Occasionally."

"Then I'm pretty stoked on this arrangement." Tegan smirked.

Sara gave a girlish giggle, her cheeks flushing as she donned that smile that made Tegan forget what

air was for a brief moment. She shook herself and filled her lungs quickly, glancing towards the clock.

"I'm going to make lunch. You can read or whatever you want. Make yourself at home."

Sara made herself at home by reading her book in the kitchen while Tegan cooked. Her nose was

buried between the pages, elbows refusing to touch the table in an act of manners that didn't

matter in this home, chewing on her bottom lip as her eyes scanned the words avidly. She looked

ridiculously cute and distracted Tegan from the tacos she was making; she wondered how pissed off

Emy would be if she found out Tegan ravished a stranger on their dinner table.

When keys jingled and the front door creaked open, Tegan's face split into a wide grin as she rushed

from the kitchen to greet her best friend with a near battle cry, "Emy!"

"Tegan!"

Long brown hair danced in the air and caught in Tegan's mouth as she was lifted from the ground

while arms wrapped around her waist and hugged her so tightly she couldn't breathe. She gave a

loud laugh, hugging Emy back as exuberantly as she was placed back on the ground.

"You're back! And you're cooking!" Emy took in a deep breath to enjoy the scent of sizzling meat.

"Sarah will be up here in a minute. She couldn't find a parking space, but I wanted to come see you."

She tossed Tegan's hair and grinned. "Sex did you good. You actually look alive for the first time in

forever. She must be one hell of a lay."

Tegan cringed in embarrassment and prayed Sara had not overheard that. "I'm so glad you're so

excited to see me and I want you to focus on that when I tell you what I'm about to tell you, okay?"

Tegan chewed on the skin of her thumb anxiously as Emy's smile dwindled.

"Oh, god, what?"

"Just… hear me out, okay? She had nowhere else to go. Her parents kicked her out because she's gay.

She has no money and she was going to be homeless, okay?" Tegan rambled nervously, watching

Emy slowly piece together her words. "I couldn't let that happen. She needs a place."

"Is she- are you… Tegan!" Emy looked around the living room, searching for Sara with wide eyes.

"She's here?" she whispered.

"Yes." Tegan admitted meekly.

"Oh, geez. Where is she going to stay? We only have two rooms. The water bill is going to be crazy,

not to mention the electric bill." Emy's whisper was rushed as she searched for Sara's presence as if

it were written in the walls.

"No way," Tegan lowered her voice just as quietly. "You'll barely know she's here. She's quiet, she

doesn't watch TV, and she's neat. She's like the ideal roommate."

"The ideal roommate who you're having sex with!" Emy whispered, but it was loud enough for

Tegan to shush her desperately. "This could be such a bad idea, Tegan."

Tegan opened her mouth to retort, but the front door opened in a distraction. Emy and Tegan

watched Sarah walk into the kitchen, Tegan's heart leaping as she knew Sara had been spotted. The

fridge opened and shut before Sarah appeared at the door with smile.

"Hey, Tee!"

"Hi, Sarah-"

"Jesus, Tegan. U-hauling with the girl you're dating is one thing, but moving in with the girl you're

fucking is just ridiculous." Emy interrupted their greetings with an exasperated puff of breath that

blew her bangs up in the air.

"Wait," Sarah walked over with an impressed purse to her lips. "Are you telling me Tegan is banging

that gigantic babe reading The Hunger Games in the kitchen?" She held her hand up for a high-five,

but Emy slapped it away with a disapproving glower.

Tegan winced at the pitch of Sarah's voice, "It's not like I was being some sort of promiscuous, you

know… person. It was just once!" she defended herself mutedly. "I mean, for now. But I'm hoping-"

"I do not mean to interrupt," Sarah and Emy gasped in surprise at Sara's unannounced presence due

to silent footsteps, but Tegan simply cringed. "I apologize for eavesdropping, but it was quite

impossible to turn my ears off in such a… confined space." Sara smoothed her palms down her

button up and quirked her lips into a small smirk at Sarah. "However, you have excellent taste."

Tegan rolled her eyes while Sarah giggled and fixed her glasses. Emy turned to Tegan with a

dubiously furrowed brow - Tegan wasn't sure if it was in reference to Sara's dialect or the fact that

she was making her girlfriend blush like schoolgirl.

"I do not want to cause a fuss between friends. Tegan Rain thought this arrangement was a fairly

good idea, but I had my doubts, to be honest. I may leave your… lovely home if it makes anyone

uncomfortable."

"No!" Tegan bursted, stepping in between the three other women to act as Sara's own personal

body guard. "Sara, you're not going anywhere. You have nowhere else to go and you're staying here."

"Oh, your name's Sara? Mine too! Sarah with an 'h'!" Sarah held her hand out for a handshake.

"I myself go without an 'h'." Sara took her hand and shook it with a respectful nod of her head.

"I'm Emy," Emy shook her hand with a friendly smile. "I'm sorry about what you heard. I didn't- I

mean, Tegan just makes rash decisions sometimes and it worries me. It's nothing against you."

"It's quite alright," Sara dropped her hand and turned to Tegan with a smirk. "Your friends are

mannerly, Tegan Rain. Whatever happened to your own manners, as they are seemingly

nonexistence?"

Emy laughed at that as Tegan turned to give Sara a playful scowl, "Fuck off!"

"Oh, Emily," Sara turned to Emy, who blinked at the use of her full name. "I wanted to express to

you of how talented an artist I think you are. The technique you have demonstrated in your

paintings reminds me of Osnat Tzadok."

Tegan had no idea who that was, but the way Emy blushed and giggled in disbelief let her know Sara

has lavished a grand compliment on her. She rolled her eyes so hard it hurt her head. Emy was falling

into the same trap millions of straight girls had as effortlessly as one sunk into quicksand. "Oh, thank

you," Emy tucked her hair behind her flushed ear with a sheepish smile. Tegan scoffed silently;

apparently everyone was going to be falling at Sara's feet from now on. She was immensely irritated

at the idea, but a large part of her was pleased that she was the only one experiencing sex with the

focal point of everyone's curiosity. If Sara had been this pleasant the first day they had met, they

could've been having sex for much longer than they had. "I want to offer my condolences. Tegan

told me about your situation. That's terrible that your own parents would do that to you. I'm glad we

can offer a place to stay while that's happening."

Sara's withered at the memory; it was almost nonexistent, but Tegan saw it and placed her hand on

her lower back in comfort, smiling reassuringly when Sara met her eye. Sara relaxed a fraction and

turned back to Emy, "I cannot fully express my gratitude."

"You don't have to, dude." Tegan wrapped her hand around Sara's hip and squeezed the sharp bone

beneath her fingers. Sara's chest paused and Tegan felt weirdly thrilled that she was the only one

who knew why – though this specific reason was a mystery to her. She liked being the one who knew

Sara best. She liked having this knowledge and understanding no one else did. She had an open door

that no one else was even close to approaching, and it felt special. She felt special. She wanted it to

stay. "I've got to go finish lunch before I burn it all. You should to go finish that book so we can

finally watch the movie."

"May I use your bedroom for peace?" Sara asked softly, peering into her eyes as Tegan slowly took

her hand back to herself.

"It's our room for now, Sara." She corrected, watching Sara bite her lip in a way she wished she was

doing so herself. "You don't have to ask me. Go right ahead."

"It was nice meeting you both," Sara gave Emy and Sarah a nod as she walked down the hall,

unaware of the three sets of eyes watching her bum as she disappeared.

"Holy shit." Emy breathed when the door closed softly. "I thought you were being over dramatic, but

fuck. She's so cute."

Sarah held her hand up in the high-five Emy had denied earlier, and Tegan chuckled as she slapped

their palms together. "Such a goddamn babe." she agreed. "She carries herself in a way that is just…

hot."

"I know," Tegan sighed dreamily.

"You're so lucky you get to have sex with her." Sarah continued.

"I know." Tegan repeated, this time with a smug grin, chuckling when Emy punched her girlfriend's

shoulder with a warning glare. Sarah grabbed her abused arm with a wince as she quickly shut her

mouth.

"But you see it. Right, Tegan?" Emy looked to her with a serious spark in her eyes.

"What, that I'm super lucky? Hell yeah-"

"You really don't. Wow." Emy gripped Tegan's shoulders, looking her dead in the eye as she shook

her small frame slightly, "Tegan, that girl likes you."

"Duh," Tegan laughed, shaking her hands off. "We're friends."

Emy's brows lowered as she intoned, "You're a fucking idiot."

"Why does everyone keep insulting my intelligence?" Tegan pouted with a huff. She was growing

very sick of it.

But Emy only shook her head, "If I really have to explain it to you, you deserve it, Tegan Rain."

The night was spent chatting while eating tacos that Sara ate with dignity no one else could manage,

smirking at embarrassing stories Emy dished out. Sarah and Emy got to know a side of Sara Tegan

hadn't had the privilege to see for weeks after meeting, which was vaguely annoying and struck

something odd in her chest when Sara giggled at jokes and did not sniff in disdain at their table

manners. It was totally unfair and complete bullshit that she had gotten such an impassive asshole

while her friends got the cute and likable person she herself was just getting to know, but she

guessed it was easier for Sara to be herself without her mother loitering nearby.

All throughout the night Emy sent Tegan looks she didn't understand whenever Sara so much as

glanced her way. Tegan responded with furrowed brows to which Emy rolled her eyes in

exasperation Tegan wasn't sure she merited.

The sun went down and the moon replaced it in the black sky, and Tegan finally saw what Sara wore

to bed when they were alone in a way that felt comfortable, as she had gotten very used to being in

only Sara's presence. Instead of the pantsuit Tegan had once wondered if she slept in, she wore silky

black shorts that showed off shapely pale legs, and a white button down night shirt that presented

sharp collarbones and a long throat. She was so effortlessly attractive and she was climbing into bed

next to Tegan, careful to keep the bed from groaning under her weight and not letting a limb touch

her companion as she tucked her fringe behind her ear almost shyly.

"It's not so bad here, right?" Tegan prompted, rolling on her stomach to look up at Sara, whose back

was straight against the headboard.

"Your friends are confusingly welcoming and the home is not as disastrous as I feared." Sara nodded,

causing Tegan to smile. That was as close to an openly pleased comment as she would get from Sara.

"Though I am… fairly intimidated by the amount of homosexuals you seem to know. Do you know

any heterosexuals?"

"Of course!" Tegan laughed. "My friend Lindsey is straight, she's dating my friend Ted. He's straight.

My friend Hesta is straight, though I did catch her making out with Emy at a party once, but she was

drunk so I don't think that counts." Tegan tapped her finger as she thought. "Oh, and Hayley. She's

straight as an arrow."

"What about homosexuals?"

"Well, there's Emy and Sarah, obviously. And then there's my friend I've known since I was a kid,

Jeremy. He's gay. Then there's Liz, Kate and her girlfriend Holly, Leisha and Cam-" Tegan ticked them

all off with her fingers, before pausing at Sara's slightly widened eyes. "What? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," Sara replied hastily, "You just… you have many friends."

Tegan cocked her head curiously, "Well, don't you?"

Sara dropped her head, allowing her fringe to fall from behind her ear to hide her face like a curtain

as she shrugged a casual shoulder. "Oh, I can't be sure."

"Well, who are your friends?" Tegan rested her chin on her arm, leaning forward with interest.

"There's Stacy, of course…" Sara trailed off and bit her lip. "Though, I'm fairly sure I'll never see her

again after everything that has transpired. And then there's Rob, but I suppose he will no longer

want my friendship since I flat out refused to marry him. I've surely bruised his ego. I suppose Adam

is an acquaintance, though perhaps he is just someone to speak to at boring dinner parties. We've

bonded over piano playing, though." Sara peered up at Tegan with wide eyes, reminding her

viciously of a small child, loitering alone on a playground while other children separated into giggling

groups. The image killed her as much as it did when she passed schoolyards and visually saw it.

"Does that make us friends?"

Heartbroken for the lonely woman, Tegan swallowed thickly. "Yeah. Of course it does."

Sara nodded, going silent.

"W-who else?" Tegan questioned, stammering in worry of the answer she knew she would receive.

She wanted to help patch Sara's empty cavities; fix her up and build her into the self-assured woman

she pretended to be so well until you caught a glimpse of the hopelessness lurking beneath her

cracked armor.

"Oh, I suppose that's it." Sara responded as if it did not bother her.

"Well, what about me?"

Sara gave a humorless chuckle, "Tegan Rain, you merely enjoy being intimate with me. You don't

enjoy my company."

"I do." Tegan wanted to go back and smack herself for saying what she had before, making Sara

believe this. She wasn't sure how she would ever properly make it up to her. "I am your friend."

Sara gave a small smile and nodded, going silent once more in a way that Tegan couldn't tell was

Sara believing her words or not. She watched as she slid more comfortably into bed to lie on her

back, turning her head to look Tegan in the eye. "I haven't shared a bed in a really long time." Tegan

told her, watching the way the moon shadowed over her angular face and danced in her eyes. She

was a beauty Tegan couldn't fathom no matter how often it was presented to her – ageless, timeless;

open in its boundaries, it left her lungs stunted and her brain blank. They were friends, but Sara was

gorgeous in ways that made Tegan weak in the knees and tremble at her lips. And not only was it

that, but there were deep parts of Sara that intrigued her and inspired her; made her want to delve

deep inside those hidden crevices and inspect them with magnified eyes.

The only way she knew how to shake that curiosity, as well as the awe of a spectacular face, was

with a joke. So as thoughts of Theresa and the last time she had shared a bed that did not consist of

crying in Emy's arms over a broken heart collided with thoughts of Sara and the relief that it was her

she was adding new memories with, she chuckled. "But you're so tiny it's like sleeping alone."

Sara looked moments away from rolling her eyes, but she responded as if Tegan had not added her

much needed humor. "I don't believe I ever have shared a bed in means to sleep."

Tegan was unsurprised, but deeply saddened by that. "Does it suck? Do you want me to sleep on the

couch, maybe?"

"No." Sara responded softly. "No, being in close proximity to you is not bothersome."

"Are you tired?" Tegan asked. She had forgotten how much she loved sleeping with another person

– feeling their warmth radiate onto her skin, listening to their breathing, whispering like they were at

a sleepover as small children. It made her miss being in love. It made her miss being a carefree kid

daydreaming about unicorns during English lessons in school and being sent to the back of the room

so she couldn't speak to any of her peers. It made some part of her wish they were in sleeping bags

in her mother's backyard, shoving each other in a playful battle under the stars instead of adults in

their own home, full of worries and a tangled relationship of sex and unsuspected friendship.

But she was content with Sara in ways she never would have perceived a month ago, and she

wouldn't really change anything about their friendship. It was different than anything she had

experienced and special like the way Sara made her feel by letting her inside her mind. Akin to the

innocence of friendships made on the playground, it was interestingly tainted with lust and

incredible desire. She liked it. She liked that Sara made her revert back to the little tomboy growing

shy when pretty girls sat next to her at lunch time, while simultaneously making her feel like a strong,

compelling woman in ways no one else ever had. Most girls made Tegan feel like a teenager

searching for requited passion, but Sara was fresh.

"Emotionally I am exhausted and it is weighing down on my physical energy." Sara confirmed with a

sleepy pitch to her quiet voice, unaware of the whirlwind in Tegan's mind. She assumed that meant

no sex tonight, yet she was oddly unbothered. She liked the idea of watching Sara lull into sleep; just

knowing another human was dreaming beside her warmed her chest.

"Alright then. Night, Sara." she whispered.

Sara's hand peeked out of the blankets to touch Tegan's cheek, cold against her suddenly fiery skin.

"Goodnight, Tegan Rain." She brushed her thumb across Tegan's labret piercing, gazing at her in

silence for a moment before turning on her side and facing her back to Tegan.

Smothering the nervous laughter bubbling in her throat, Tegan turned to lie on her back and bit the

piercing Sara had caressed. She stared up at the ceiling and touched her hand to where she could

still feel Sara's cool touch, listening to Sara's soft breathing slow before meeting her in dreamland.


	18. Cornelius the Bear and Mr Elephant

Waking up in her own bed felt like the first touch of spring on winter-chilled skin. She rolled onto her

back as she slowly came to reality, the sun spots behind thin eyelids coaxing her from her dreams

with a small tap to her brain. The blankets were fluffy and her pillow felt like a cloud. She was

wrapped in warmth, reluctant to leave this peaceful space.

But after few moments of enjoying the way her mattress hugged her bones and fit to her curves, she

peeked her eyes open. The first thing she saw was the blankets lying over her face, but the second

thing she saw was Sara settled beside her after throwing the material off her head. She was still in

her pajamas, which was a shock to Tegan. Her hair looked cleanly combed as ever, though, slipping

slowly over her eyes as she was bowed over her book with the sun bright on her skin.

"Hey there." Tegan greeted, voice husky with sleep.

Sara peeled her eyes from the text to look down at her. There was softness in her eyes that made

Tegan wonder if she was rolling through the tranquil morning just as comfortably. "Hello."

"I'm fuckin' stunned that you're not up and dressed already."

"I know this is technically my home now, but I feel as if I am intruding if I leave this room." Sara

admitted. "I decided to stay in here until you awoke, as I feel far more comfortable with you walking

around as well, but I should have foreseen you sleeping in so late."

Tegan glanced at the alarm clock on her bedside table and chuckled, "It's ten in the morning."

"My point exactly."

Tegan laughed and sat up, ruffling her hair and stretching her limbs back to life. "We should unpack

you today. Like, put your clothes in the closet and set your books on the bookshelf and everything.

Really move you in for real."

"You would share your book space with me?"

"Sure, why not?" Tegan shrugged. "I'm not really sure what we're going to do when you eventually

get all your books back, though." She poked Sara on the end of her nose, grinning in amusement at

how easy it was to make the prim and proper woman look goofy and normal. "You little bookworm

nerd." Sara batted her hand away and Tegan chuckled as she stood from the bed, fixing her pajama

pants and straightening her sleeveless t-shirt. "Maybe you could even stay in your pajamas all day

and relax?"

Sara's eyebrows shot up her forehead, "It would not be proper to appear in my night clothes before

a person I only met yesterday, such as Emily."

"Alright, that's okay." Tegan relented. "Baby steps, I guess. I'm going to stay in my pjs, though. Does

that horrify you?"

"No," Sara shook her head, closing her book as her eyes journeyed down Tegan's body. "You do not

look atrocious and this is your home, you should be comfortable."

"Our home." Tegan reminded her pointedly. "Why don't you empty your bag on the bed and go get

changed, and then we'll sort through everything and figure out where to put your stuff?"

Sara stood from the bed and leaned forward to fix the blankets she had rustled during the night,

straightening the cotton with nimble fingers. Tegan stood back and watched her in silence, cocking

her head to the side and biting her piercing. Sara's bum was ill-disguised beneath her thin shorts, her

underwear creating two steady lines down the round curvature. Her legs were short, but they

looked so smooth and soft under the morning sun and Tegan's fingers itched to caress them.

Sara stood straight and tucked her fringe behind her ear, either unaware of Tegan's gawking or she

simply didn't care as she grabbed her bag from the floor and set it carefully on the bed. The zipper

opened its teeth and Sara grabbed a carefully folded top, setting it on the bed. Tegan realized

quickly that Sara was going to go the long route and shook her head, taking the bag from Sara's hold

and tossed it upside down so the contents spilled out to onto the mattress.

"Sorry," she apologized when she caught Sara's look. "Was that rude? I'm impatient."

"Sadly, I have long ago rid myself the fantasy that you have any mannerly bone in that body of yours,

Tegan Rain," Sara squinted her eyes in a near eye roll and crossed her arms over her chest. "I am

unsurprised. If you'll excuse me a moment…" She plucked a few articles of clothing from their heap

on the bed and left the room on silent feet, Tegan's eyes following her bum until it was out of sight.

Turning back to the bed, Tegan placed her hands on her hips as she assessed the heap. It was like

one of those children's books adults entertained themselves with in waiting rooms, a picture of mix-

matched items all lying in a cluster, awaiting to be found. And what Tegan found intrigued her,

lighting that spark of curiosity for Sara as easily as flipping on a light switch. An expensive glass bottle

of golden cologne lied beside an open book, the text smaller than any book Tegan had ever read and

the papers yellowed with age. A hefty graphic novel was tangled in lacy black panties, quirking

interest in Tegan's brow. Combs and a toothbrush were decorated by a bra Tegan recognized from

the time they had sex, resting next to entanglement of still folded button ups, ties, trousers, and rare

lady boxer briefs.

With a devilish grin, Tegan picked up a pair of silky maroon panties and held them up to inspect

them from every angle.

"Honestly, Tegan Rain."

With a squeak of surprise, Tegan turned on her heel and tried to hide the article of clothing behind

her back. But Sara was standing at the doorway with her arms over her chest and raised brows, and

the task of hiding what she had been doing became useless.

"I just never pegged you to be such a panty girl is all," she defended herself, dropping the underwear

on the bed with a sheepish grin.

Sara fixed the collar of her sheer button down, a small smile playing on her lips as she dropped her

folded night clothes on the pillow she had claimed as her own last night. "They are comfortable."

"Well, I'm definitely not complaining." Tegan picked up a lacy undergarment to dangle off her finger

and smirked, "When do I get to see you in these?"

"You are boorish," Sara scoffed, but there was a giggle staining her words and Tegan grinned as she

spun the underwear around her pointer finger.

"So, my underwear drawer is the middle one," she said, nodding to the dresser across the room.

"You can put all these hot numbers in there and fold them to your little hearts content and I'll

separate your shirts and pants. Sound like a deal?"

"You do not mind me riffling through your undergarments?" Sara questioned.

"I'm literally spinning your underwear on my finger. You can snoop all you want. You can even turn

your nose up at the underwear I use when I'm on my period. I really don't care." Tegan snorted.

"Just don't feel too let down when you see all I own are boy shorts and boxers. Nothing super sexy

like these." She spun the underwear faster on her finger for emphasis.

"I find your underwear choice sufficiently appealing, myself." Sara informed her, stealing the lacy

material from Tegan's hold as she plucked up the other pieces she could easily find in the heap on

the bed. "It suits you and I find it alluring, for lack of a better word."

"Oh." Tegan scrunched her nose up with a grin, pleased. "Cool."

As they set about their tasks, only a few words were exchanged. The silence was comfortable, as if

they had known each other for decades and could enjoy each others company without filling the

gaps between conversations with meaningless mumbles about the weather. It was calming, and with

the sounds of Emy moving around down the hall and the city bustling below, it felt like a welcome

addition to home.

When Tegan had separated blazers with button ups, Sara's equivalence to casual shirts and night

shirts, trousers with tight jeans, belts with ties, and dress shoes with what looked to be other dress

shoes but Sara assured her they were far more casual, she set about the task of hanging everything

in the closet and arranging their shoes together beside her door. She finished that quickly while Sara

added her graphic novels, thick books, and the unexpected sleeved comic books to her own

collection of books.

Beneath all the books and clothing were folded papers that probably meant something to Sara, so

she didn't dare touch them. Instead, she sniffed Sara's cologne and let the scent waft through her

system and stir something fluttery in her chest.

Shaking herself, she looked back down at the lessened pile and blinked as something caught her eye.

Dropping the cologne bottle, she picked up a small teddy bear with missing patches of fur and gray

buttons for eyes. He wore a green tuxedo and one of his ears was bent and ripped, fragilely lingering

on a few threads. He looked well-loved and tattered; Tegan couldn't hold back her coo. "Oh my god,"

she turned to Sara, holding the bear up and waving its tiny paw with a wide grin. "Who is this little

guy?"

"Oh." Sara stood from where she was crouched over the bookshelf, biting her lip as she stepped up

to take the bear heedfully. "I had not necessarily hoped you would see this."

"Are you embarrassed?"

"Of course not." Sara muttered stiffly, contradicting herself.

"Don't be," Tegan squeezed her shoulder with a grin. "It's adorable. What's his name? Or am I being

presumptuous?"

"His name is Cornelius the Bear," Sara murmured with a bight flush staining her cheeks. "Martin

presented him to me as a small child and I felt as if I could not leave him at home with mother. I had

not even entertained the idea to bring him, but I stumbled upon him as I was packing and I felt I

needed to bring him. Though, now I wonder if it was a mistake. I am twenty-one, after all."

"That's really fucking cute," Tegan gushed. She could imagine a younger Martin kneeling to present a

much healthier Cornelius the Bear to straight backed, tiny Sara trying to hide her glee; the image

made her giggle in delight. "So cute I might die, actually. Don't feel ashamed or whatever. He means

something to you and that's, like… endearing. Where do you want to keep him? Somewhere safe,

right?"

"I had not thought that far ahead." Sara responded, her flush refusing to dull under Tegan's

squealing.

"Well, we coul- Wait, I've got the perfect place," Tegan grabbed Sara's wrist and dragged her into

the closet. She held her hands out for Cornelius and after a short pause, Sara placed him in her

hands. Tegan stood on her tiptoes and searched across the dusty board under her hand until she

found a plushy object on the shelf above her hanging shirts.

Turning back to Sara, she held up the stuffed pink giraffe with an unashamed beam. "This is Mr.

Elephant. He's not into gender norms and has identity issues stemming all the way back to the

nineteen nineties because I didn't understand the difference between elephants and giraffes when I

named him. My mum got him for me the first day she left the hospital with me when I was born.

He's pretty rad, right?"

Sara bit her lip and reached out to comb her fingers through the coarse line of hair down Mr.

Elephant's head.

"I don't tell many people I still have this, so keep it on the down low. But I think Cornelius the Bear

and Mr. Elephant can be buddies and sit up there where only we know where they are, to protect

our street cred as cool adults." Tegan winked. Sara gazed at her with something untouchable in her

eyes. That tender side of Sara she hadn't seen before was lurking close to her surface, leaking

through her eyes and pouring at her lips. "It'll be our little secret. Sound good to you?"

"Yes," Sara agreed softly. Her fingers drifted from Mr. Elephant's mane to lightly trace across Tegan's

fingers, wracking a shiver down her spine that Tegan chalked down to how cold her hand was. "It'll

be a secret between only you and I."

By sun down, Sara was officially moved in. Her belongings were now completely mixed with Tegan's,

but it was easy to tell what belong to who with their taste differences and the quality of every

individual thing. It made Tegan realize that Sara was really in her life now, to stay for however long

they wished. She was warmed up to the idea in ways she never would have expected and an odd

thrill shot down her spine when she caught sight of their shoes lying together as she exited the room

to make pizza.

Sara and Emy sat in the kitchen table as she prepared their dinner, exchanging pleasant conversation

while Tegan hummed under her breath. She slathered dough with red sauce while she listened to

Sara question Emy about her art. Sara seemed to know more about art than Tegan had realized, and

she could tell Emy was delighted to converse about it with someone who knew what they were

talking about. Unfamiliar terms and hard to pronounce names were thrown back and forth between

Sara's lisps and Emy's exuberant rambles. She was beyond relieved that they were getting along so

well.

By the time the scent of browning bread crust rumbled their stomachs, Tegan had jumped in the

conversation and steered the subject to television. When Tegan informed Emy that Sara never

watched TV, Emy insisted they eat in the living room and watch reality shows to watch Sara's

reactions. It took a while before Sara agreed, as she was hesitant to leave the formality of meals, but

Tegan sent her an encouraging grin behind Emy's head and she reluctantly agreed.

They squeezed onto the couch, Tegan in the middle with a piece of pizza already clutched between

her teeth and another piece awaiting to be eaten in her hands. Emy sat to her left, her pajamas

covered in fresh charcoal as she stuffed her face and praised Tegan with delighted groans. Sara sat

quietly on her right, body tight and eyes focused on the television as she nibbled on the same piece

of pizza the entire hour they sat together. Her reactions proved to be as hilarious as Tegan had

assumed, eyebrows arching and eyes blinking rapidly to the vulgar words and dramatic, physical

fights brewing on the television. She proved to be more entertaining than whatever MTV bullshit

they were watching, and Tegan found herself gazing at Sara throughout most of the episode.

Emy departed to bed soon after they were finished eating and Tegan allowed Sara to shower and get

ready for bed before taking the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, her thoughts centered on how

surprisingly well everything was going. Sara fit into their life so perfectly, she wondered if they had

always been missing this piece of the puzzle without even noticing it until it was even felt

comfortable enough around her to sleep in boxers tonight, which she supposed was a big deal.

When she entered her bedroom, Sara was sitting on the edge of her side of the bed with her head

bowed over a book. She was back in those fucking night clothes, and something needy spurred

Tegan on to stride across the floor with new purpose.

She climbed onto the bed, settling behind Sara while the mattress groaned in protest under her

added weight. Confidence was faded and small in the back of her mind, and she sat still as she

scrambled to drag it from the depths and into her anxiously shaking hands. Adrenaline clustered in

her stomach as she threw caution to the wind, sliding her legs on either side of Sara's hips.

Sara craned her neck back, giving her eyes a break of her book to look at Tegan inquisitively. She

only received a secretive smile in response and a pair of arms wrapping around her middle to tug her

further between Tegan's legs. Sara didn't react, quietly assessing Tegan's face in their close

proximity, her eyes protected behind lowered lids and fluttering lashes as they flickered to watch

Tegan lick her lips.

Tegan met her gaze with a bitten, impish smile. Sara was so close Tegan could smell the toothpaste

on her breath mingling with the fruity scent of her hair and she was still damp from her shower; she

wanted to dirty up how squeaky clean she was in the worst way. Without breaking eye contact, she

slipped her hands beneath Sara's loose night shirt to touch the soft skin of her back.

Sara's bottom lip disappeared into her mouth as she blinked heavily, intensifying Tegan's grin as she

lowered her mouth to the warm crook of her neck and sucked paper thin skin between her teeth.

She watched Sara's eyes slide closed as she traced the delicate muscles in Sara's back with spread

fingers. The tiny hairs stood to attention under her hands as she soothed the sting of her teeth with

her tongue, sucking the abused skin between her lips.

Sara's breath caught audibly in her throat. Tegan's mind sparked a plan as she slipped her hands out

of Sara's top and slowly detached her lips from purpled skin. "Sara?" her voice was low, breath

brushing Sara's ear that was tipped red in a flush.

Sitting still for a moment without her chest moving to breathe, Sara gained control of herself once

again and opened her eyes a fraction. The smoldering fire there lodged a lump in Tegan's throat.

"Yes?"

"I'm going to touch you," Tegan skimmed the tip of her pointer up the full curve of Sara's thigh.

Goose bumps rose over the flesh her fingers traced and Sara's chest paused, causing Tegan to cease

her swift travel to the leg of Sara's shorts, "but every time I see that you're doing a breathing

exercise, I'm going to stop. I won't continue until you breathe and let yourself feel and react again.

Got it?"

Sara arched a brow, "That's a very uncharacteristically domineering tone, Tegan Rain."

"Got it?" Tegan repeated. Emphasizing her words, she tugged Sara further between her legs until her

bum settled against her center. Heat soured to her gut and she swallowed thickly, but Sara stayed

studiously silent.

Instead of waiting for a response, Tegan set about the task of unbuttoning Sara's top. She placed her

lips over the mark she had left on Sara's creamy skin, flicking her tongue across the sensitive patch,

but when Sara's chest stopped moving, she lifted her head and teased her with her breath inches

from where her mouth had been moments earlier.

"You are immensely cruel." Sara murmured as she quickly found her breath.

Rewarding her, Tegan simply chuckled as she touched her lips to the nape of her neck, pressing an

open-mouthed kiss just below the tiny hairs growing from Sara's short mane. Her fingers released

each button of their confines slowly, grazing her fingers over the hot skin each button exposed. Sara

lulled her head forward and Tegan kissed across the bump of her spine as her fingers trailed across

her flat, heaving belly. A shiver wracked Sara's small frame and Tegan grinned as she freed the last

button.

She rested her chin comfortably on Sara's shoulder- from this angle, she could feel the heat of Sara's

cheek radiating onto her skin, while having a tantalizing view of the way her shirt gaped open,

exposing the swell of her breasts and a steady line of her abdomen leading into the silky shorts

hugging the curve of her hips. Tegan lowered her hands to yank on the legs of Sara's shorts, who

took the hint and lifted from the bed an inch to aid the discard of the silk material. Tegan could only

reach to Sara's mid-thigh before Sara took over and slid them down her legs, tossing them from her

frail ankles. The red underwear beneath contrasted against her pale skin, resting over protruding

hipbones and clung to her core in a way that let Tegan know how excited she already was.

Tegan pulled her shirt off from behind, entranced by the shift of muscles in Sara's back as she

escaped the arm holes, the bones of her shoulder blades moving like angel wings as she threw the

material to meet her shorts on the floor. Tegan's shadow emphasized the dimples of Sara's lower

back, crossing over the length of her spine and painting the shape of Tegan's body over the artfully

trimmed hair on the back of Sara's head. Tegan hunched over, pressing her lips to Sara's bare

shoulder as she traced her fingers down the arch of her back. Sara turned her head to meet her eye

and Tegan raised her head so they were the same height, licking her lips in anticipation. Sara's eyes

dropped to watch the trail of her tongue, lifted to meet her eyes in a heated lock briefly, before

leaning in.

They were moments from touching when Tegan felt Sara hold her breath. She allowed Sara to brush

their lips together before pulling back, to which Sara frowned at her in confusion. Tegan offered no

explanation, leaning forward to capture her lips, but Sara sucked in her breath and held the air in her

lungs once more. Sara's eyes, which had fluttered shut, peeled open to give a displeased wrinkle to

her brow when their lips refused to meet.

"I'll stop when you stop," Tegan murmured, her words causing her lips to tease Sara's.

She heard Sara swallow in the silence before she felt her back heave as she released the air in her

lungs and began to breathe again. She was trying, and Tegan smiled as she stitched their mouths

together in recompense of her efforts. She sketched Sara's back into her memory as she danced her

fingers over every bump and dip. She scratched blunt nails over her skin and dug her thumbs into

tense muscles to relax her… lover, she supposed. Her fingers teased Sara's sides as her thumbs

massaged her back in a slow journey down to her waist. Easing the strain of holding back, she

rubbed away the tight clench until Sara was all but melted into her front as their heads moved

together in a careful kiss. She brushed the smooth sides of her breasts and felt Sara shudder again

and hold her breath; Tegan tugged her lip back with her teeth in quiet warning. She slit her eyes

open to look through her lashes at the squeezed closed lids so close until Sara breathed again and

lifted one hand to hold Tegan's head in place. They kissed as slowly as Sara loved to, lips smacking

with every gentle suck to lips and leisurely flicks of tongues.

Her hands snaked around to Sara's front in a deliberately relaxed speed, caressing her thumbs

against the bones of her hips. She traced her fingers like feathers over Sara's pelvis, just above the

thin band of her underwear, her lips curling into a grin against Sara's as the muscles beneath jumped

and contracted. Her palms smoothed up Sara's stomach, feeling it tighten and surge. The body lying

against her own was littered in goose bumps despite being so warm; she felt like a furnace emitting

just enough heat for frigid winters. Pressure like no other was caught between Tegan's legs, her clit

being teased by the consistent and unmoving contact of Sara's bum pressed into her spread thighs.

But this was about Sara, so when her button twitched when her palms brushed the silken skin of

Sara's breasts, she ignored the way her boxers clung wetly to her core and focused on the soft noise

catching in Sara's throat.

Her nipples were already tightened as Tegan's hands skimmed above them, and when she palmed

her breasts, they hardened ever further. Sara pulled from kiss to catch her breath, biting her now

puffy bottom lip as she watched Tegan through a glaze of desire. Tegan grinned back at her,

seduction oozing from the redness of her mouth as she squeezed the plump flesh in both of her

hands. Sara's chest was petite, but full and fit perfectly in Tegan's own small hands. She massaged

them, watching Sara's grip on her lip grow more and more vicious as she attempted to control her

breathing in ways that appeased the both of them, until Tegan's thumbs brushed her nipples and

Sara lost her battle.

The warmth of Tegan's hands disappeared, but Sara was quick to regain her cycle of air almost

desperately. Tegan nuzzled her cold nose under Sara's ear, laughing softly. "Good girl," she joked

quietly, but Sara whimpered nearly feverishly and Tegan wondered if she had just accidentally

unleashed some sort of kink buried beneath Sara's mask.

Kissing across the quivering pulse point beneath Sara's earlobe, she caught both of her nipples and

rolled them between her fingers. Sara's breathing was harsh as she angled her neck back to give

Tegan's lips better access, the hand she had placed on the back of Tegan's head fisting her hair,

tangling her fingers through the locks. Tegan planted light kisses up her neck and nibbled on the

mark she had left to darken it further as her fingers tugged and tweaked her nipples.

"Tegan Rain," Sara breathed, urging her head up with the hand in her hair.

Tegan lifted her head, not daring to pause her ministrations. Sara's cheeks had caught on fire, her

lips glistening and bruised under the light. But her eyes were pleading; desperation poured from thin

hazel irises, asking for something.

"What? Either say it or show it," Tegan coaxed. "I want you to feel comfortable to act out what you

want with me."

Sara chewed on her lip in a silent debate with herself before her hand clasped over one of Tegan's

own. Tegan waited patiently as Sara's hand forced her to caress her breast a little more firmly before

gliding down the rows of her ribcage. Slowly, Sara guided her over her mound and between her legs,

pressing Tegan's fingers against her center. Tegan felt heat pool in her own gut as she batted Sara's

hand away to do what she was asking.

The underwear Sara wore was drenched through, and her legs were spread wide enough for Tegan

to run a finger up her slit through the cotton. She could feel how swollen Sara's clit was and bit her

tongue in a helpless attempt to calm herself down- her stomach was twisted into knots, her own clit

throbbing, her heart racing. She felt like she was going to implode, but Sara seemed to feel the same

as she rested the back of her head against Tegan's shoulder and tried to breathe.

Swallowing thickly, Tegan ran the tip of her finger over Sara's clit through her panties without adding

relieving pressure. Sara sucked in air through her parted lips, a noise close to a moan meeting the

room when Tegan pressed the heel of her hand over her clit and palmed her through the cotton. Her

hips jerked at the touch.

Tegan slid her fingers under the crotch of Sara's underwear, meeting scorching humidity and so

much wetness that she felt dizzy. It felt like dipping into an ocean, her knuckles coated in the mess

that saturated the material as her fingers slipped effortlessly down Sara's sopping slit.

"Fuck," she cursed. Her heart was lodged in her throat and even she couldn't breathe. Sara

whimpered in response, her walls crumbled to dust under her need.

Tegan only touched her clit for a moment before slipping out of her underwear when Sara's chest

paused. She lifted her hand to her face, inspecting the way it shone under the light. She met Sara's

eyes as the woman relaxed against her struggled to breathe, and popped her fingers into her mouth.

A taste she was familiar with exploded on her tongue, but the unique tang made her moan. It was

heady and intoxicating, overpowering and almost weirdly sweet. She was immediately addicted.

She looked down at Sara and grinned, taking her fingers out of her mouth. Sara's lips tugged sweetly,

peering up at her with the light twinkling in her dark eyes. Tegan's chest twisted and pounded as she

hurriedly sat up. Sara held her own weight up on the mattress as Tegan climbed over her and settled

into her lap. She had no idea where Sara's book had gone and she didn't care. Their lips slammed

together as if they were in perfect synch in their desires. Tegan was as quick to push them back roll

them over so Sara was on top as she had rested in her lap, never breaking the connection of their

lips.

Her hands roamed down Sara's warm back until she found her ass, grabbing a handful of either

cheek to force her hips to grind against Tegan's own purposely placed thigh. Sara gasped softly

against Tegan's lips, her mouth dropping open as Tegan's tongue slipped into her mouth. Tegan

rocked her body in a rhythm it had long ago become accustomed to, rolling her hips and using her

hand placement to force Sara to do the same as the bed squeaked in solidarity.

Sara's heat was damp against the muscle of Tegan's thigh, but Tegan wanted more. Pausing the

undulating waves of her body, she tugged down Sara's underwear and watched through hooded lids

as Sara gracefully kicked them down her legs until she was completely nude on top of her, panting

with her fringe hanging over her face. Their gazes locked, both of them biting their lips as Tegan

grabbed Sara's ass and pushed her back onto her thigh. The contact was unbelievably wet, trickling

down the length of Tegan's thigh and approaching her own open boxer leg instantly. She spread the

flesh in her palms and shoved down, groaning as Sara's scent grew heavy in the air.

Sara's throat bobbed with a swallow as Tegan arched her neck to meet their lips back together

eagerly, helping Sara grind against her. Sara's breathing stopped, her breasts pressed against Tegan's

clothed chest, but their nipples brushed through the barrier between them.

"I'll stop." Tegan bluffed. It was an empty threat against their connected lips. She wasn't sure she

could follow through with the game at this point; she needed to make Sara hit her highest point.

"Please do not stop touching me," Sara whispered, but the frenzied pitch made her sound like a

stranger.

"…'Kay." Tegan agreed like a hypnotized fool. Keeping one hand on the bum that had been driving

her insane for so long, she slipped her other one between their bodies and wedged her fingers

between her thigh and Sara's dripping pussy, spreading her fingers over her folds, opening her

further.

Sara stared down into her eyes, her elbows holding her inches above Tegan as she slowly breached

her with one finger. Velvety skin sucked her finger in deeper as she traced Sara's walls, consumed by

wet heat that made her feel a bit like her head was spinning. She pumped carefully, unsure of what

Sara had allowed in the past with Penelope, but the way Sara hissed beneath her breath was totally

encouraging.

Letting go of some of her caution, she slipped in and out of her slowly. Sara's arms shook to keep her

weight up, her lips cycling between parting in pleasure and pursing in self-awareness. Her eyes fell

shut, and when Tegan searched deeper and curled her finger, a gasping moan fell from her lips. The

noise was as soft and sweet as her voice, sending a shock to Tegan's own core. She was dismantling

her, breaking down her armor without cruel words, but pleasure which was a thousand times more

satisfying.

Without breaking her steady rhythm, Tegan added a second finger. The air was thick and suffocating,

the sound of her pumping into Sara as loud as their harsh breathing. Sara was glowing and flushed,

her muscles tensing and shaking with effort. Her body jerked and rolled to meet Tegan's thrusts, the

tendons in her neck straining to help hold back her murmurs of nirvana.

"Don't think," Tegan reminded her, pressing her thumb against Sara's engorged clit. "Just feel."

Sara dropped her face into the crook of Tegan's neck, a tortured moan heating her skin. "Don't hold

back," Tegan encouraged, her own body encased in licking flames as Sara swayed back and forth on

her fingers, loud breathing stuttering in her ear. She could feel Sara tightening around her fingers

and began to move her still thumb in wide circles, grinning when Sara gave a soft, dragged out

whimper. "Just feel." she whispered, speeding up the curl of her fingers and thumbs rotation.

Fingers tight like claws clutched around Tegan's shoulders as another hot moan vibrated in her ear.

Sara's back bent, her skin coated in sweat and her spine arched as her nails dug into Tegan's bones.

Teeth sunk into the tender flesh of her neck as spasms built around her fingers, causing her to

raggedly gasp as pressure similar to approaching an orgasm built in her gut, but even her body

would not allow her to do so without being touched. She shoved away her own pleasure as Sara's

body writhed above her and she stopped breathing.

Tegan slowed her fingers and gentled her thumb to help her come down, her heart warmed as Sara

grew lax and collapsed into her with a long inhale. She turned her head as best as she could and

placed a kiss to Sara's head as she carefully slipped out of her and held her hand on the edge of the

bed to allow it to dry in the air.

Sara sat up and crawled off of her, running a hand over her face. She straightened her back and ran

her fingers through her hair, trying to find that dignified woman who had tried to escape during an

orgasm that broken her down; she was searching for normality. She was retrieving it too swiftly,

with too much expertise.

"Hey," Tegan took her arm and gave a heartened smile. "Stop that. It's okay to be, like… raw with

me."

Sara avoided her eyes, her shoulders hunched forward. "I am… rather embarrassed at my act of…

deviance."

"Don't be embarrassed," Tegan moved her hand from Sara's arm to her thigh, soothing her thumb

over the soft skin. "You shouldn't be."

"The depravity I have showcased is rather…. humiliating." Sara muttered shyly, looking down at her

lap with a new red flush.

"I didn't mean to humiliate you," Tegan apologized softly. "I thought that was super fucking hot,

actually. I like it when you don't try to hold back. But I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

"It was not you," Sara sighed softly and shook her head to herself. "I am just not at all used to being

honest, even alone. To be so with another person feels shameful. Yet, admittedly, it was oddly

freeing."

"Good!" Tegan beamed. "That's what I want you to feel. Freed of all that bullshit your mum taught

you. I want you to feel free to be yourself."

Sara looked down at her, a small smile that looked somehow even more beautiful on fresh, post-

coital features stretching over her face and curling lines around her lips. "You make it easy to do so,"

she confessed softly, her fingers reaching out to trace the wide angle of Tegan's jaw daintily. "You…

make it feel acceptable to be myself in ways no one else has ever allowed me to. I am comfortable

with you in ways I cannot explain."

"Good," Tegan whispered. A rush of emotions roared through her chest and she touched Sara's cool

fingers lying on her jaw. "Good."

Sara's pinky looped around Tegan's pointer finger for a moment before letting go and reaching for

her boxers. Tegan saw what she was doing and quickly caught her hand.

"What is it?" Sara asked confusion pulling at her brows.

"This was for you." Tegan replied, dropping Sara's hand onto the mattress.

But Sara was shrinking away, her wall rebuilding itself with hasty blocks. "Was that not arousing for

you? Are you not-"

"No, it's not that," Tegan laughed at the idiocy of the idea. "That was as crazy hot for me as it was

for you. But tonight was about you."

"I do not believe I comprehend." Sara cocked her head to the side.

"You- you're so used to just giving, right? Like, you touched so many girls and then they never

reciprocated. You've gotten too used to not being the one who receives pleasure. So, sometimes it's

good to just, like, take. You know? And tonight you're the only one who's going to get off." Tegan

explained. "You can touch me basically whenever the fuck you want and I'll be down for it, but

tonight was for you to take and not have to give, just like all those selfish girls did to you before."

"But if you are aroused, am I not just as selfish in turn?" Sara questioned curiously.

"Of course not because you would reciprocate, but I'm not gonna let you because I'm super selfless,"

Tegan joked with a small chuckle. "Sometimes it's okay for you to be the one who gets to come. You

know? And I'll just, like… rub my thighs together and be stoked when you decide to touch me

whenever it's not tonight."

"I do not wish for you to ache all night, however." Sara frowned.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me," Tegan tugged Sara's arm until she gave in and lied down beside

her. "You just sleep and enjoy the high."

"I am skeptical…" Sara nibbled on her bottom lip and Tegan sighed in frustration. "You are still

aroused by me. Are you not?"

"Very." Tegan grabbed Sara's hand and allowed it to slip underneath the waistband of her boxers.

She felt Sara's fingers brushing her curls before they found the pool between her thighs. Her eyes

fell shut at the touch and she sucked her piercing into her mouth as Sara explored her swollen clit to

make sure she was as turned on as she was expressing, her icy fingers cooling flames. She only

forced her hand out of her underwear when her circles became a little too suspiciously purposeful.

Her clit mourned the loss, twitching in protest. "See?" she breathed.

"Yes," Sara said, sounding far more assured in herself. How anyone as attractive as Sara could

become self-conscious was lost on Tegan. "Yet you do not wish to find pleasure tonight?"

Tegan shook her head, "Tonight's all about you, Sara." She poked the tip of Sara's button nose and

smiled when she gave a soft giggle.

"I understand," Sara relented with a nod. "You are rather considerate, Tegan Rain."

"I know," Tegan closed her eyes with a grin. "I'm pretty great."

The blankets rustled as Sara slipped beneath them and placed them over Tegan's own body. Her

warmth radiated onto Tegan's body, causing her eyes to grow heavy and sleepy. "You are indeed

something rather…" Sara trailed off, her voice growing hushed, "special."

Tegan peeled her eyes open to see Sara peering back at her with warmth in her eyes, and smiled.

"Night, Sara."

Sara's cold fingers touched her hand beneath the blankets, curling almost as if she intended to hold

her hand. Tegan furrowed her brow without opening her eyes, but Sara's touch was replaced with

warmth as she let go just as quickly. "Goodnight."

Petals

Honking cars and rowdy neighbors tugged Tegan from fuzzy dreams. She stirred from the black abyss

of her sluggish mind, nuzzling into the warm pillow beneath her cheek as she lifted her hand to rub

the sleep from her eyes.

Slowly, she peeled open her eyes and blinked at the image that introduced her to the day. Sara's flat

stomach was in direct line of her face, the outline of her ribcage peeking against her skin with every

gentle inhale to deep breathing. The blankets were wrapped around her waist, resting just below her

hipbones. She was still asleep; Tegan could tell since what she had assumed was a particularly

comfortable pillow was Sara's chest. Her body was still and warm, her heart beating slowly beneath

Tegan's ear.

The skin where Tegan's cheek met Sara's breast was all but sealed together, informing her that

however she had gotten in this position, she had been in it for a long time. Her hand was resting on

Sara's stomach as if it belonged there, and as she was slowly becoming aware of the way Sara's arm

had looped around her back to rest in the dip of her waist.

Carefully, Tegan lifted her head up. Their skin protested, clinging to each other until she had fully

detached herself. Sara's nipple went hard the second it was exposed to the air and Tegan's core let

itself be known at the sight. She was still wet from last night; she could feel it clinging to her boxers,

but all thoughts of rousing Sara for a quickie (or something long and slow, she wasn't picky) went

away as she craned her neck back to look at her face.

The arm not snaked around Tegan's waist was being used as a makeshift pillow for Sara's head,

cocked to the side with one side of her face snuggled into her own bicep. Her eyes were flickering

behind her lids to whatever it was she was dreaming of, her fringe dusting over the slight upturn of

her nose. Even sleeping she didn't seem peaceful, her eyebrows knitted and her lips turned down.

Troubles were not evaded from her unconscious mind, restless fingers twitching into her palm.

Tegan bit her lip as she leveraged herself on her elbow to lean above the other woman to study her.

She was entranced by the small flinches in her face to words only she could hear. She looked soft

and vulnerable, her lips twitching as a breathy noise close to a garbled word rumbled at her chest.

Tegan held back a chuckle, holding her breath against bubbling laughter. She had never witnessed

Sara sleeping, as she was always awake before her, already primped and ready for the day, but she

was overwhelmingly cute asleep. It was such a normal act, but like most things, Sara made it her

own. No matter how natural something was, Sara made it special.

Her nose scrunched up and she shifted, her hand tightening against Tegan's side, eyebrows

furrowing harder as her breathing began to speed up. She looked as if something was plaguing her,

attacking her in her dreams. It wiped the smile right from Tegan's face and she did the only thing she

could think to do to soothe the distressed whimpers in Sara's breath. She lifted her hand and silently

brushed Sara's fringe from her face, her fingers creating the merest touch to keep from waking her

bed partner.

She had clearly not eased Sara's nightmares, as the other woman shifted again and her fingers dug

into Tegan's skin as if she were a stable vice that Sara was consciously aware of. Tegan frowned in

concern, trailing her fingers down the swell of Sara's cheekbone as lightly as she dared. She cupped

Sara's cheek beneath her palm and dusted her thumb across the lines around Sara's lips. She

supposed it was some sort of friendly act between them, as she could count the amount of times

Sara had done the same to her on multiple fingers. She thought maybe someone had been gentle

with Sara as a child - like Martin - and this was her way of bestowing affection when it was hard to

vocalize the words. But perhaps she was wrong. She really did not know. It felt too loving for friends

with benefits, but the touch seemed to fit every time it occurred.

Sara moved into the touch, and for one cringing moment, Tegan thought she had accidentally woken

her. But then Sara's face relaxed and she grew silent once more, her breathing returning to calm

rhythm it had been in earlier.

Smiling, Tegan gently took her hand back and slowly rose from the bed. She winced as the bed

squeaked, assuming Sara was a very light sleeper, but Sara did not move and when Tegan placed the

blankets beneath her chin to keep her warm, a content sigh fell from her lips.

Tegan tiptoed across the floor to enter the closet, retrieving clothes for the day with one last glance

at Sara's sleeping figure before leaving for the bathroom.

Sara's scent was still heavy on her fingers. She pressed them against her nose, taking in a deep

breath and holding it in her lungs. Reluctant to wash the memory of last night down the drain, she

dressed slowly. The loose t-shirt hung around her body, but her smart black vest making the casual

shirt seem a bit more dressed up then it actually was. She struggled to jump into her obnoxiously

tight purple pants before setting about taming her locks. The way the dark strands brushed her neck

and swished across her forehead was beginning to make her look like a teenage boy with the affinity

for skateboarding, but she kind of enjoyed the way her cut was growing in.

Eventually she washed her hands, replacing the thick aroma of Sara's arousal with apple scented

soap. She was eager to have it on her skin again soon.

Brewing coffee was heavy in the air and it smelt so mouth-watering that Tegan wished she could

acquire a taste for it. She followed the smell and saw Emy standing in the kitchen with her back to

the door, pouring herself a cup.

"Good morning!" Tegan chirped.

Emy turned around slowly, the lower half of her face buried in the lips of her coffee cup, eyebrows

poised. The steam from her drink rose over the top of her head like a cloud, dissipating in the air

above her messy ponytail. "Mhmm." she hummed pointedly. "Surely a very good morning for you."

All but skipping past her coy friend, Tegan stood on her tiptoes to reach her favorite mug from the

cupboard. 'World's Cutest Cook' was scrawled across the green cup in bright yellow lettering; it was

her favorite gift from last Christmas from Emy. She nudged her friend out of the way to reach the

coffee pot, smirking. "It is."

"You don't like coffee." Emy pointed out the obvious.

"Yeah well, this isn't for me." Tegan shrugged, watching the black, bitter liquid fill the mug like a

murky river with a wrinkled nose. She seriously didn't understand the appeal.

"It's for Sara." That wasn't a question, so Tegan didn't answer. "Of course. Rewarding her after a

sensational night, I guess?

"Did you have your ear pressed against our door or something?" Tegan waggled her brows as she set

the pot down. "I kind of like the idea of having an audience."

Emy scowled in disgust as she rolled her eyes, "I heard the bed squeaking, you perv. And I can see

this giant thing on your neck," She poked the tender bite mark Sara had left on her skin, the vivid red

decoration aching in protest from her prodding. "I refuse to believe sophisticated, quiet Sara made

this disgusting thing."

"Believe it." Tegan grinned smugly, slapping her hand away. It felt wrong to have someone else

touch what Sara had left in the peak of her pleasure.

"Gross, but that reminds me. I meant to tell you, I think you brought the wrong Sara Clement back

with you."

Tegan's eyebrows knitted together as she blew the steam from the cup, watching it roll and curl

abstract designs in the air, "Huh?"

"You said Sara was an egotistical, stuck up, cruel brat. I was expecting our place to be invaded by

Cruella De Vil or something. But instead she's a super cute, quiet girl who likes to talk about art. Like,

are we seeing the same person or are you blinded by your lust for hate sex?"

"I told you all of that that before I said those shitty things to her. After I said that stuff, I saw

something in her. You know? Like, I realized she had a mask to please her… Well, I'm not going to get

into it because it's her business, but it opened my eyes up to who she really is." Tegan cradled the

mug in her hands, warming them. "And she doesn't provide hate sex, dude. It's, like… she's really

gentle, slow, and… considerate, I guess. It's almost like…" Tegan paused, laughing slightly. "It's

almost like she's making love to me. But that even sounds ridiculous."

"Well, duh." Emy snorted. "It feels like it because she is, idiot."

"Yeah right," Tegan laughed, punching Emy's shoulder lightly. "I told you Sara doesn't even know

what love is."

"Yeah, well, you're teaching her to understand." Emy muttered, taking a sip of coffee and rolling her

eyes.

"Whatever," Tegan scoffed in disbelief, standing fully away from the counter. "You're a weirdo."

"No, I have observation skills you clearly lack." Emy called behind her back and Tegan ignored her.

She opened her door quietly, peeking around the corner to see if Sara was still snoozing away. She

wasn't, Tegan saw as she kicked the door closed. She was sitting up with the blankets pooling in her

lap, pulling her night shirt on. She looked up as the door creaked open, hastily covering her bare

torso, but as she caught sight of Tegan she relaxed and allowed the shirt to hang loosely around her

body. Her breasts were fully exposed to Tegan's eye, but instead of ogling her, she beamed in

greeting. "Hey there, sleepyhead!"

"Good morning, Tegan Rain," Sara greeted softly, watching Tegan leap onto the bed with the coffee

sloshing dangerously at the cups edge as she sat cross-legged in front of her. "You are up before the

morning news is over. I am in shock."

"You better shush up or I won't give you this coffee." Tegan teased, holding out the mug for Sara's

hands in contradiction to her threat.

"You brewed coffee for me?" Sara's voice was soft, cool fingers brushing Tegan's hand as she took

the mug. She placed her nose above the steam and took a whiff, closing her eyes to bask in it.

"Yep! Well, not technically. Full disclosure, Emy made it for herself, but it was my idea to get you a

cup," Tegan reached over the cup to poke the end of Sara's nose, grinning when Sara smiled warmly

back at her and did not try to bat her hand away. "I left it black because I feel like that's what you

would want. Or maybe you told me and I'm subconsciously remembering. Either way, I hope black is

good for you."

"If you are the one offering it to me, I will take anything." Sara told her, eyes bright as she smiled

around the cup, taking a sip. Tegan grinned, pleased with that response in ways she didn't

understand. They watched each other as Sara silently swallowed. Tegan could see the purple bruise

her mouth had left on the crook of Sara's neck from the folded collar of her shirt, dark and stark

against her pale skin. It sent a shiver down her spine, curling through her lower stomach. "But yes, I

prefer my coffee black."

"I knew it." Tegan beamed. "Hey, so listen. You might've noticed I'm already dressed and that's

because I have some errands to run today. I'm going to go put my paycheck in the bank and then I

need to go talk to one of my professors at school about my classes for next semester. I set the

meeting up with her, like… months ago. Then I'm gonna go get you a key made. Do you have a

cellphone?"

"No, such a device was never necessary at my home."

"I thought so. We need to get you one since they're necessary for you now. Maybe we can put you

in my plan so I can pay for the first few months until you've gotten money for a job or something.

We'll ask the people." Tegan ran a hand through her hair as she rushed through her mental check list.

"I think that's all the shit I need to do for today. So, like… I'll go to the bank and school and then I'll

come get you and then we'll go get you a phone and maybe we can look for places with 'help

wanted' signs or go ask for applications. Sound cool?"

"I do not want to overbear you with my presence. I very strongly do not wish for you to feel

suffocated by me, however, might I tag along with you today?" Sara's eyes evaded hers to pick

blankets between her fingers.

"Hey," Tegan tilted Sara's chin up to meet her eyes, lacking the self-confidence Tegan once thought

she wore with pride. "You're not suffocating me. But I have to ask, is this because you're… nervous

to be alone with Emy?"

Sara nibbled on her bottom lip, lowering her mug to rest against her knee, covered by the blankets.

"I fear Emily will find my presence irritating if I am alone, and by that I mean, if you're not here as

well. I might be seen to her as the intruder I feel I am."

"Dude, you're not an intruder. I brought you here on my own volition. Emy was literally just telling

me that she thinks you're cool in her own way. She loves that you like to talk about art. You're

welcome here. This is your home now too," Tegan ran the pad of her thumb over the small scar

beneath Sara's lips before dropping her hand. "I don't have a problem with you coming along, but I

think it'd be good for you and Emy to hang out one-on-one. You know? Maybe you could pose for

one of her drawings. She'd love you for it."

Sara stayed silent. She was debating her options, Tegan could see it as clear as day in the small cock

of her head and the elusiveness of her gaze. "Admittedly," she spoke up hesitantly, "I do desire to

befriend her."

Tegan smiled softly. When Sara was vulnerable, she was so charming. "Just be yourself and you'll be

best pals."

Sara shifted, looking unsure. "My personality-"

"Is fantastic."

"But you have voiced-"

"I was wrong." Tegan interrupted forcibly. "You're… listen, you're lovely, okay? I'm proud to have

you in my life or whatever. You're cool, Sara. Give Emy a chance to see that. Talk to her about books,

art, or your philosophy on life. Just be yourself and Emy will see what I see."

Sara's breath seemed caught in her throat as she spoke without air, "And what is it you see?"

"An intelligent and sweet woman who just needs a little push to break down her walls." Tegan

answered honestly, gentling her smile when Sara began to breathe again, stopping her coping

exercises without force. "If you be yourself, Sara, you're going to have so many friends. You'll never

have to be lonely again."

"I feel far from lonely with you in my life." Sara whispered.

"Lucky for both of us, I have no intention of leaving." Sara's face lit up in that smile, crinkling around

her eyes and scrunching her nose. Tegan couldn't help but grin widely back, her heart in her throat.

"So, stay here and hang out with Emy, eh? Please?" She widened her eyes and jutted her bottom lip

out. She wanted them to be friends; she needed it.

"It's rather hard to say no when you are shooting me that ridiculous face," Sara tittered, still so

surprisingly feminine that Tegan couldn't help but chuckle. "Alright, Tegan Rain. I shall stay here, I

suppose."

"Great!" Tegan clapped her hands together. "I'm glad you're trying. I'll be back in a few hours to

come get you, okay? Don't worry."

"Okay." Sara agreed quietly, eyes following Tegan as she stood and straightened her clothes.

Tegan looked down at Sara, and suddenly the urge to kiss her became overwhelming. It had only

been a few hours, but Tegan felt starved from her lips. They looked so full and lax from sleep, not yet

tightened from the day. She wanted to meet them before the day straightened Sara's back and

covered her nude body. Using the headboard for leverage, she lowered herself and leaned over. Sara

blinked at the suddenness, wetting her lips as Tegan used her other hand to dance across the mark

she had left on Sara's neck. A shudder wracked Sara's small frame as something brightened her eyes

and caused her to hold her breath.

"You're doing it again," Tegan murmured, their faces so close that Sara was a blur of hazel eyes.

"I apologize," Sara breathed, exhaling against Tegan's lips.

"It's okay."

Tegan dipped down to press their mouths together, not parting her lips as she placed a chaste kiss

against Sara's own coffee -warmed lips before she stood straight, smiling when Sara blinked dazedly.

She straightened and turned on her heel, making her way to leave. As her fingers brushed the

doorknob, she looked over her shoulder to see Sara resting her fingers over her lips and staring

down at her coffee mug.

An audible chuckle rumbled Tegan's chest and Sara looked up, dropping her hand while her cheeks

flushed. Tegan winked. "See you later, handsome."

The first half of her day was spent alone, reestablishing herself with the city she loved and basking in

the warmth of the sun on her skin. The wind blew her hair and whistled in her ears as she weaved

through strangers and tall buildings. She placed change into palms of the famished homeless,

shuddering at the thought that Sara could have been in their position. Her parents' lack of love could

have transformed her into one of these poor souls. Soft and lonely Sara could have been one of

them. It made her stomach churn just imagining her clean friend marked in dirt and bones poking

out even more than they already were.

Pride was strong in her chest as she inserted her earned cash into her bank account. It was an

indescribable feeling, after borrowing money from her mother such a short time ago. It made her

feel as if she was the adult she liked to play that she was. She wanted to be standing at Sara's side

when she placed her first paycheck in her own bank account. That thought reminded her that they

would need to make Sara an account first. They were going to need to build her life up from scratch,

creating a completely new Sara Clement as if she had only just arrived on the planet. She would soon

be void of everything her world had once been consumed in, with only the scars on her heart and

ego telling stories of her past. It would always swim in her eyes, but Tegan hoped she could help her

be happy and fulfilled one day. Together, they could glue her cracks back together.

She walked into her school with her head tipped high, roaming through the familiarity with the rare

occurrence of witnessing barren halls. No clanking pots or rushed voices filled the building, but only

occasional conversation and her own footsteps echoed against the white walls. It felt eerie, passing

the dark rooms normally filled with life; almost wrong. She walked quickly to her professor's open

door, spotting the older woman sitting at her desk, sorting through papers with her hair up in an

artful bun and her glasses slipping down her nose.

She knocked on the open door with one knuckle, peeking her head inside the room with a grin. "Mrs.

Corner?"

Brown eyes met her own and a smile she was well acquainted with lit round features, "Tegan, hello!

Come on in."

Tegan stepped inside and settled herself in the metal chair on the opposite side of the desk, resting

one leg on her knee.

"How has your summer been, Tegan?" Mrs. Corner slipped her glasses off and smiled curiously.

"It's been really great, actually." Tegan told her. "It's been informative and surprisingly fun."

"Good, good!" Mrs. Corner riffled distractedly through her papers, before catching a pink sheet with

a small sound of triumphant. "You applied and got the job for the filler position at the…" Mrs. Corner

squinted at her scribbled letters. "The Clements, yes?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Do you think you've learned from that experience?" Her eyes scanned over Tegan's face, but as

they lingered a bit too long on Tegan's neck, her heart stopped. She should have put cover up on the

bite mark; why the fuck hadn't she thought of that? She had been so absent-minded; she needed to

be more careful when school started up.

There was no way Mrs. Corner could possibly link Sara to the mark on her skin, but paranoia made

her skin itch as she hurriedly spoke up. "Oh, definitely," Tegan nodded a little too enthusiastically,

desperate to divert her attention back to her eyes. "It was a completely different environment than

what I've done in the past. Not only was it an interesting housing job, but the Clement's expected a

very formal way of doing things. It was very... informative." She repeated the word with a slight

cringe, hoping she didn't sound redundant.

"Very good!" Mrs. Corner gave a satisfied nod, not looking at all suspicious, and swiveled her chair to

turn to her computer. Tegan prayed she simply assumed Tegan was a human being with natural

desires and did not ponder just who she desired. "I'm proud of you, Tegan. You've been an

enjoyable student and it's great to see you go out and try to learn outside of the classroom. Let's set

you up for your classes now, shall we?"

Fear forgotten and her heart expanding with gratification, Tegan grinned. "Thank you very much,

Mrs. Corner."

Tegan entered her home with a new silver key dangling from her finger. She found Emy and Sara

sitting in the living room, Emy cross-legged and leaning against the arm of the chair to face Sara,

who sat with her back straight and hands in her lap. They were speaking with small smiles playing on

their lips, but both paused and looked up when the floor creaked beneath Tegan's boots.

"Hey, you two." She waltzed across the floor to sit behind Emy on the arm of the chair, patting her

best friend on the head. "What're you guys gabbing about?"

"High school." Emy answered.

Tegan stuck her tongue out in distaste. "Ew, why?"

"Sara asked what you were like as a teenager," Emy cocked her head back to give Tegan a striking

grin that she immediately feared. "And then we just got into this long conversation about what

public school is like and she told me about her little home schooling thing. It's very interesting."

Tegan shook her head, stuck on one specific part of that information. "What did you tell her about

me as a teen, though?" Emy looked to Sara, and Tegan swore she saw an ominous glint in both their

eyes. "Never mind. I don't want to know. Just know I made weird choices ranging from fashion to

drug use as a teenager, but I'm a different person now." She told Sara, who smirked as if she knew

things she shouldn't. Tegan had to distract her and she had the perfect thing. Leaning over Emy, she

presented Sara's key to her with a bright grin. "Look! You're a real apartment renter now, Sara! I

went to a little shop on the way here and got you a keychain so when you put your key on the table

by the door you can differentiate between yours and ours." She handed it over, watching Sara trace

the little green 'S' with her thumb. "You said green was your favorite color, right?"

"I had not believed you were listening." Sara said softly.

Guilt stirred in her stomach. She had listened, she just hadn't cared. "Well, I was." she assured gently.

"Do you like it?"

"Very much, yes." Sara clutched the key in her fist as if it was Christmas and she had received a

precious gift. She smiled with thanks up at Tegan, who couldn't help but beam back.

"So, you wanna go and get your phone and get applications now?" She queried.

"May I borrow sunglasses, Tegan Rain? I forgot my own at home."

Tegan shrugged, "Yeah, sure. They're on the table by the door. You ready to go?"

Sara stood with a nod. "Goodbye, Emily."

"See you later, Sara." Emy smiled as Sara turned and began to walk, before shooting Tegan a pointed

look and motioned to the crook of her own neck. She stuck her tongue out as she mouthed very

clearly, the word 'gross'.

It took Tegan a moment to understand that Emy had taken a notice to the bruise she had left on

Sara's neck. With an exaggerated wink, Tegan turned and followed Sara to the door wearing a

cheeky grin.

"Do you mind if we walk around instead of bike? It's a nice day and I kind of just want to enjoy it."

"I am fine with whatever means of travel you desire." Sara stepped out under the sun, slipping on

the checkered sunglasses she had borrowed from Tegan. The funky pattern stood out like a sore

thumb against Sara's stiff attire, making Tegan grin.

"Cool," They began to walk down the pavement, shoulders brushing as the warm wind picked up

their hair. "So, how was your day with Emy?"

"I find her quite enjoyable," Sara said. "She is kind in ways I am not at all accustomed to. She speaks

to me with no ulterior motive and without knowledge of the fortune I come from. She does not

seem to actively pity me for my circumstances, which I am relieved of. I had worried she might look

to me with sympathy, but she does not."

Tegan frowned, oddly bothered by that praise. She wasn't sure why Sara complimenting Emy made

her throat tighten - she wanted them to get along, but something bitterly annoyed tugged at her

chest. "Wow, maybe you guys should make out or something." she tried to joke, but the words came

out with a bite she hadn't intended to have.

Sara turned her head towards her, eyebrows knitted above her shades and lips tugged down in

puzzlement. "I sense something negative in your voice, Tegan Rain. Why on earth would you suggest

Emily and I engage in anything other than conversation?"

"I just…" Tegan ran a hand through her hair and forced a chuckle, lightening the mood. "I was

kidding. I just, I've never heard you compliment someone."

"I place compliments on you." Sara pointed out, tightening the lump in Tegan's throat.

"Yeah." She kicked a rock with the toe of her shoe and watched it bounce into the street as they

walked. She stuffed her hands in her pockets and gave Sara a timid grin, "Yeah, I guess that's why it

was weird. I'm a narcissist and I want all compliments to be geared towards me."

Sara's brows quirked, but she looked out to the city in silence. Tegan tried not to imagine Emy and

Sara with their lips locked, hands exploring each others vastly different bodies in Emy's bed. It made

her feel vaguely sick. She felt as if Sara belonged in her bed, and that was not something she could

wrap her head around. Sara was not her property; she was a human being with choices only she

could make and lips that could make contact with any other pair she wanted. She just didn't know

why that idea bothered her.

"So, um," Tegan cleared her throat to ease the tension she had placed between them. "Uh, where

do you think we should pick up applications? We could talk to libraries and book stores, since you

like books. Or coffee shops. Do you like animals? Of course you do, who doesn't? Maybe you could

get a front desk job at a vet clinic. I might even be able to score you a waitressing job at this place I

sort of interned in a few years ago."

"A waitress, dear lord. If mother had a grave, she would surely be rolling in it." Sara put her hand to

her heart as if fearing it would stop under such terrible news.

"Fuck what your mom would think." Tegan spat with vigor. Sara turned to her with shocked, raised

brows and Tegan cringed. "Sorry, that was aggressive. But seriously, forget about her. What she

thinks of what you do stopped mattering the moment she kicked you out of the house. You live for

you, you know? Not your mum, not me or Emy, or anyone else. Just you."

"I suppose you are right." Sara agreed softly.

"So, where do you want to apply?"

"I'm rather keen on the idea of being surrounded by books every day. It might remind me of

something familiar, like my old bedroom. However, if a waitressing job is what I must do, I will do it

without much complaint." Sara spoke, the sun reflecting in her shades as her arms swung carefully at

her sides. She was so rigid and uncomfortable with her every move, it made Tegan's soul ache.

"Much complaint," Tegan parroted with a laugh, not allowing her thoughts to leak into her voice.

"That's a good outlook. Alright, so we'll basically just get applications for every place that's giving

them out and then you can get interviews and accept one of the job offerings you like best."

"Job searching in this way is so odd." Sara shook her head, tucking her fringe behind her ear. "Father

received his career after my grandfather grew too old and took his place. Mother never worked. This

is all so foreign."

"It's like hearing about the stone ages when you talk about your life sometimes," Tegan remarked.

"Not like- not that I think you're weird. It's just interesting to see how differently things work, you

know? This'll all come second nature to you one day." She observed the way Sara's lips formed a

deep frown and sighed. "Does it upset you? The idea of learning new things and forgetting old ways?"

"It is not that it's upsetting, it is that it is so unexpected." Sara's teeth gripped her bottom lip for a

moment and Tegan was entranced until she released it. "Yet, I have come to realize that sometimes

the unexpected can be life changing in a way that is almost completely positive."

"I think so too." Tegan gave a friendly smile as Sara turned to look at her. "What made you realize

that? Moving?"

"Oh." Sara's cheeks seemed to tint as she ducked her head to the pavement. "I, well… may I be frank

with you?"

Tegan nodded, "Yeah, dude."

"It was you, Tegan Rain, that made me come to such conclusions." Tegan swallowed thickly against

the emotion flooding through her chest at Sara's shy declaration. "I think of you as I think of the sun.

Do you understand what I mean?" Tegan decided to be honest and shook her head. Sara bit her lip,

eyes clouded with thought. "You… you were, and still are, so new. You were suddenly in my sights

and there is an abundance of something so unbelievably bright that comes with you… something

rather blinding in its arrival. You are full of life in ways I had never witnessed prior to our meeting."

Sara spoke hesitantly, "The sun is the indicator of a new day. It is full of opportunities and it shines

so beautifully that I often find it hard to catch my breath if I look directly at it. And to me… you are

the sun."

Tegan felt as if the air had been knocked out of her as the lump in her throat doubled in size and

attempted to choke her. Her heart was racing as she tried to understand Sara's words. Sometimes

she spoke so eloquently - in such riddles - that it was hard to keep up with her. But Tegan heard the

fragile importance in these words.

"You are something not easily comprehendible. But I am willing to sit patiently and pick apart your

every petal until you are nothing but a stem that I can still find such magnetizing beauty in as I did

when you were a bloomed flower."

Tears prickled at Tegan's eyes. She didn't know why she felt so touched or why her heart felt too big

for her chest, but emotions were running rampant in her chest and she felt overwhelmed with

words she didn't fully understand. "Wow," she breathed. Sara's lips twitched into a faint smile. "That

was kind of beautiful. You truly are a fucking poet, Sara."

Sara ducked her head almost bashfully. Her cheeks were a furious red with what Tegan assumed to

be embarrassment to her vulnerability. She had been so hard to reach in the beginning, so distant

Tegan had equated her to an inhuman, cold metal. But there was so much more to her, and though

Tegan was seeing so much of it now, she knew there was even more to discover. She was eager to

cut away the branches of the tangled forest to reach the glowing jewel hidden in the layered depths.

How she could have possibly written Sara off as an empty shell was baffling.

"I'm not one hundred percent sure of what all of that meant, but… wow. That was probably the

sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. Like, ever." She touched Sara's hand, urging her to look

up. After a moment, Sara did as she was being asked, lips tilted almost delicately hopeful. "I think

you just called me beautiful. So thank you."

"Is that…" Sara paused, biting on her lip. "Is that all you gathered from what I have divulged to you?"

"Er, well, yeah," Tegan admitted with a flush, removing her hand from Sara's to rub the back of her

neck sheepishly. "I'm going to have to get back to you when I figure out everything."

Sara's lips pursed and she looked away, turning her head away so Tegan could only see the back of

her head as she murmured, "I will wait for that day anxiously."

Tegan blinked owlishly, hearing a sullen catch in Sara's voice. She opened her mouth to prod her for

answers, but Sara spoke up first.

"Is this the tattoo parlor you often go to?" She changed the subject so swiftly that Tegan forgot their

earlier conversation as if it had been as meaningless as topics of the weather. But she stored it all to

the back of her mind for further investigation later.

"Nah, not that one." She shook her head at the graffitied building, cracked with age and shadowed

behind trees. "Pretty sure I'd get infected with some sort of disease if I went there. I go to this place

a few blocks away."

Sara's fingers traced the ink on Tegan's arm, the pads of her digits soft and cold. "When we first met,

I informed Stacy of how nice I believe the art on your arms to be. I admire them and the courage you

have to be willingly penetrated by needles."

"Wait… did you tell her I had nice arms?" Tegan asked as a memory popped out at her.

"In so many words," Sara nodded, dropping her hand.

"You're the one with the n-" She could still hear Stacy's interrupted words in her mind from that day

that felt so long ago. They were words she had once believed to be cruel and stabbing, but they had

been a compliment. Tegan had brewed so much hatred under skin that day, tangling her

assumptions with ridiculous rage. Sara had been the kind one from the very beginning, and Tegan

could see now that she herself had been the monster. Emy was right; she was a fucking idiot. She

felt the needed to apologize, but Sara had no idea of the burning wrath she had felt that day. She

would only confuse her. So she kept silent and withheld every other terrible thought she had

collected of her that day.

Embarrassment burned at her cheeks as she asked, "Stacy's straight, right? Or am I being a

stereotypical asshole?"

"No. You are correct."

"Did, uh… did you and her ever… get into a closet?" Tegan poised the question as awkwardly as she

felt asking it. She did not linger in any thought of Sara touching Stacy with the same reverence she

touched Tegan, as a friend and a lover. She really needed to stop imagining Sara being intimate with

other people, it created irrational tension in her jaw.

"Stacy and I, oh my." Sara tossed her head with a disbelieving laugh. "The mere idea is laughable.

Not only would she never even dabble in thoughts of another woman, but I am as interested in

touching her as I am a pole."

"Really?" Tegan cocked her head, dubiety thick in her voice. "But… she's cute."

"I suppose I made it out like I went after anything wearing a skirt, but I do have standards. I only ever

even consider a woman if I am attracted to her on many different levels. It is not all about whether

or not they are attractive. I need a connection that exceeds friendship to even consider touching

them, if only once." Sara turned to her with a small frown. "I am no slag, Tegan Rain."

Tegan winced. She hadn't even considered any of that and based of Sara's expression, there was no

way she could convince her she had put it all into that perspective. "Uh, so, you think you'll ever get

a tattoo?"

Sara accepted the topic change with a soft sigh. "Mother would-" Sara paused at Tegan's pointed

poke at her ribcage. "Honestly, I have expressed curiosity in the idea before. I like the idea of having

abstract art resembling something intricate like the comics I own on my skin. But I have no idea if I

could actually do it."

"Sure you can!" Tegan encouraged. "I'm not going to push you, but I bet you would look like such a

babe all tatted up. I mean, you're good looking all on your own, but if you had a tattoo or

something…" Tegan trailed off, distracted at the image of Sara lying nude on her bed, porcelain skin

darkened with secret messages.

"Possibly one day." Sara shrugged ambiguously, a pleased smile playing on her lips at Tegan's

compliment.

"Oh, here we are!" Tegan pointed up at the glass windows of the building across the street. "Let's

bring you to the twenty-first century and get you a fucking cellphone. I can't believe you don't have

one."

Finding Sara a cellphone was harder than Tegan would have thought. Sara herself was not picky, as

she had no idea what was necessary for a cellphone and nodded in agreement to anything Tegan

presented to her. Tegan then went on twenty minute rant in the middle of the store, explaining

every detail of apps and unlimited texting, watching Sara's face grow more and more perplexed by

each ticking second until her eyebrows were completely scrunched and her eyes lost.

Eventually they found a phone that met Tegan's standards and Sara's cautious approval, unsure if

Tegan would go on another ramble of the importance of easy internet connection. They then scored

the entire building for a phone case, Sara choosing a plain beige cover despite Tegan's insistence on

the skull and cross bones case.

The hardest part was putting Sara on Tegan's plan. The robust man helping them spent a good half

hour murmuring to himself while scrolling on his computer to find the least expensive way to add

her on Tegan's insistence while trying to coerce Sara into buying unnecessary extras that only

confused the poor woman. Tegan jumped in to disregard everything he offered, dragging her fingers

comfortingly across Sara's hand under the desk. She was so unaccustomed to this form of shopping

that the longer it took, an impatient twitch began to build behind her eyebrow. Tegan was sure only

she could see it; to others, Sara probably looked the like the calmest customer the building had ever

seen, but Tegan could see the annoyance building under her mask. She couldn't help but wonder if

the man caught sight of the bruises on their skin behind thin-wired glasses and knew they had

created them together. A shameful thrill stirred in her gut at the idea that he knew they were

together on some level.

After nearly two grueling hours, they finally left the building with a new cellphone in hand. Buying

the thing made Tegan cringe in near agony of how much money it took out of her bank account.

"I apologize for this, Tegan Rain. I had no inkling it would be so expensive. Though, admittedly, it

does not sound expensive to me, but your expression says otherwise." Sara sighed, sunglasses still

resting on the top of her head as the door fell shut behind them. "You have done so much, I feel like

a leech causing you to do all of this for me."

"Don't." Tegan took Sara's brand new phone from her hands and swiped her thumb over the screen

to unlock it, searching through her apps. "You're not a leech. I like doing this stuff for you. I'm

basically your sugar daddy."

"What on earth is that?"

"You know, like a dude who buys a person all these cool things and then gets repaid in sex." Tegan

looked up from the phone to waggle her brows teasingly, but Sara frowned. "I'm kidding. You know

that, right?"

"Oh." Sara cleared her throat and gave a nod. "Of course I know that."

Tegan knew she was lying, but let it go as she quickly typed her name into the contacts and added

her number. She then found the camera, and after a moment of shuffling around to find good

lighting from the sun, she snapped a quick picture of herself poking her tongue out. Sara watched

this entire moment with dubiously raised brows until Tegan was placing her phone back in her palms.

"I put my number in there. I even put my whole name just for you. So if you go to this little button,"

Tegan walked around Sara to peek over her shoulder, pointing to the correct icon, "For now, my

name is the only one that shows up, but eventually it'll be full of all your friends names. So then, you

click on the name you want and it'll call them. That picture I just took will show up when I call you or

text you, letting you know it's me. Pretty cool, right?"

"Can you show me where I find the camera?" Sara asked, craning her neck back so their faces were

inches apart. Tegan felt a rush of heat sear through her body as she was reminded of last night. She

cleared her throat to shake her thoughts and clicked on the correct buttons until the camera was lit

up on the screen. "May I take your photo? One of you simply smiling, perhaps?"

"Sure, dude, but can you be in it too?" Tegan proposed excitedly. "Let's take a selfie together."

Sara knitted her brows, "That is not a word in my vocabulary."

"It's a picture you take of yourself. Here," Tegan wrapped her arms around Sara's body to grab the

phone and held it out in front of them until she could see them both on the screen. She rested her

head against Sara's temple, sun kissed skin heated and hair like brushing fire. "You better smile." She

knocked their heads together teasingly as Sara giggled.

Tegan put on her own best smile, lips curling over her gums as she beamed into the camera, pressing

her thumb against the button to capture the moment as the wind caused their hair to dance. The

sun was dotting in her eyes, but as she looked at the photo, she couldn't help but grin. Sara looked

so small and sweet cradled against her front, hair tickling her forehead and eyes shining as bright as

her dazzling smile. Beside her Tegan looked as dorky and uncoordinated as she felt in Sara's

presence, grinning too hard and invading all of Sara's precious personal space. "We're cute."

Sara took the phone to observe the photo, placing the sunglasses on the bridge of her nose. "I am

fond of this. How do I keep it?"

"It saves on its own." She grabbed Sara's wrist and tugged her forward. Sara placed her phone in the

safety of her pants pocket, allowing Tegan to drag her around like a ragdoll. "C'mon. Let's find you

some applications so you can be super successful and prove your family wrong. You're going to make

them wish they had never kicked you out of their life, Sara."

"I must admit that I do not care if I make them proud any longer. However, I want to make myself

proud and…" Sara trailed off. "I… do wish to make you proud."

Tegan stopped them in the middle of the sidewalk, no longer caring about the grumbles of irritation

from the other streetwalkers. "I'm already proud of you. You're trying to so hard and you're

accepting all these things so well. You're so strong and I'm like a proud little lion. You should be

proud of yourself too."

Tegan's heart jumped as Sara smiled at her, more blinding than the sun and far more captivating

than any of the people rushing like blurred blobs around them. Tegan tugged Sara forward by the

wrist in her hand, intending to place a kiss on her lips. Sara stumbled with grace, but her body went

tight as her head moved to look at all the people around them, and Tegan understood that she

feared the backlash of cruel strangers. It reminded her vaguely of the way Theresa would jump from

even her simplest attempts at handholding, but she didn't feel the pain of rejection she had then.

Sara had no idea what people out in the world would do if they saw two women kissing; she didn't

know that most people would not even blink.

And Sara wasn't her girlfriend, she reminded herself with a small shake of her head. She would need

to explain the acceptance of homosexuality to Sara one day soon, but for now she appeased them

both and instead pressed a quick kiss to Sara's cheek. Her skin was soft and hot in ways her hands

lacked. Sara's bad circulation from developing in the womb felt eerily understandable. It was her

connection to her mother, the only unavoidable link. Her hands were so cold and untouchable,

leaving a chill imprinted on others - just like her mother.

She regretted that thought the moment she looked into Sara's eyes, melted like a green popsicle on

a day even hotter than this one, swirling serenely tender like dancing leaves on a tree. Sara had no

connection to her mother. It was insane such an admirable angel like Sara could come from such a

growling monster.

Tegan smiled dotingly and lightened her grasp on Sara's thin wrist, "Let's go."


	19. Petals

Honking cars and rowdy neighbors tugged Tegan from fuzzy dreams. She stirred from the black abyss

of her sluggish mind, nuzzling into the warm pillow beneath her cheek as she lifted her hand to rub

the sleep from her eyes.

Slowly, she peeled open her eyes and blinked at the image that introduced her to the day. Sara's flat

stomach was in direct line of her face, the outline of her ribcage peeking against her skin with every

gentle inhale to deep breathing. The blankets were wrapped around her waist, resting just below her

hipbones. She was still asleep; Tegan could tell since what she had assumed was a particularly

comfortable pillow was Sara's chest. Her body was still and warm, her heart beating slowly beneath

Tegan's ear.

The skin where Tegan's cheek met Sara's breast was all but sealed together, informing her that

however she had gotten in this position, she had been in it for a long time. Her hand was resting on

Sara's stomach as if it belonged there, and as she was slowly becoming aware of the way Sara's arm

had looped around her back to rest in the dip of her waist.

Carefully, Tegan lifted her head up. Their skin protested, clinging to each other until she had fully

detached herself. Sara's nipple went hard the second it was exposed to the air and Tegan's core let

itself be known at the sight. She was still wet from last night; she could feel it clinging to her boxers,

but all thoughts of rousing Sara for a quickie (or something long and slow, she wasn't picky) went

away as she craned her neck back to look at her face.

The arm not snaked around Tegan's waist was being used as a makeshift pillow for Sara's head,

cocked to the side with one side of her face snuggled into her own bicep. Her eyes were flickering

behind her lids to whatever it was she was dreaming of, her fringe dusting over the slight upturn of

her nose. Even sleeping she didn't seem peaceful, her eyebrows knitted and her lips turned down.

Troubles were not evaded from her unconscious mind, restless fingers twitching into her palm.

Tegan bit her lip as she leveraged herself on her elbow to lean above the other woman to study her.

She was entranced by the small flinches in her face to words only she could hear. She looked soft

and vulnerable, her lips twitching as a breathy noise close to a garbled word rumbled at her chest.

Tegan held back a chuckle, holding her breath against bubbling laughter. She had never witnessed

Sara sleeping, as she was always awake before her, already primped and ready for the day, but she

was overwhelmingly cute asleep. It was such a normal act, but like most things, Sara made it her

own. No matter how natural something was, Sara made it special.

Her nose scrunched up and she shifted, her hand tightening against Tegan's side, eyebrows

furrowing harder as her breathing began to speed up. She looked as if something was plaguing her,

attacking her in her dreams. It wiped the smile right from Tegan's face and she did the only thing she

could think to do to soothe the distressed whimpers in Sara's breath. She lifted her hand and silently

brushed Sara's fringe from her face, her fingers creating the merest touch to keep from waking her

bed partner.

She had clearly not eased Sara's nightmares, as the other woman shifted again and her fingers dug

into Tegan's skin as if she were a stable vice that Sara was consciously aware of. Tegan frowned in

concern, trailing her fingers down the swell of Sara's cheekbone as lightly as she dared. She cupped

Sara's cheek beneath her palm and dusted her thumb across the lines around Sara's lips. She

supposed it was some sort of friendly act between them, as she could count the amount of times

Sara had done the same to her on multiple fingers. She thought maybe someone had been gentle

with Sara as a child - like Martin - and this was her way of bestowing affection when it was hard to

vocalize the words. But perhaps she was wrong. She really did not know. It felt too loving for friends

with benefits, but the touch seemed to fit every time it occurred.

Sara moved into the touch, and for one cringing moment, Tegan thought she had accidentally woken

her. But then Sara's face relaxed and she grew silent once more, her breathing returning to calm

rhythm it had been in earlier.

Smiling, Tegan gently took her hand back and slowly rose from the bed. She winced as the bed

squeaked, assuming Sara was a very light sleeper, but Sara did not move and when Tegan placed the

blankets beneath her chin to keep her warm, a content sigh fell from her lips.

Tegan tiptoed across the floor to enter the closet, retrieving clothes for the day with one last glance

at Sara's sleeping figure before leaving for the bathroom.

Sara's scent was still heavy on her fingers. She pressed them against her nose, taking in a deep

breath and holding it in her lungs. Reluctant to wash the memory of last night down the drain, she

dressed slowly. The loose t-shirt hung around her body, but her smart black vest making the casual

shirt seem a bit more dressed up then it actually was. She struggled to jump into her obnoxiously

tight purple pants before setting about taming her locks. The way the dark strands brushed her neck

and swished across her forehead was beginning to make her look like a teenage boy with the affinity

for skateboarding, but she kind of enjoyed the way her cut was growing in.

Eventually she washed her hands, replacing the thick aroma of Sara's arousal with apple scented

soap. She was eager to have it on her skin again soon.

Brewing coffee was heavy in the air and it smelt so mouth-watering that Tegan wished she could

acquire a taste for it. She followed the smell and saw Emy standing in the kitchen with her back to

the door, pouring herself a cup.

"Good morning!" Tegan chirped.

Emy turned around slowly, the lower half of her face buried in the lips of her coffee cup, eyebrows

poised. The steam from her drink rose over the top of her head like a cloud, dissipating in the air

above her messy ponytail. "Mhmm." she hummed pointedly. "Surely a very good morning for you."

All but skipping past her coy friend, Tegan stood on her tiptoes to reach her favorite mug from the

cupboard. 'World's Cutest Cook' was scrawled across the green cup in bright yellow lettering; it was

her favorite gift from last Christmas from Emy. She nudged her friend out of the way to reach the

coffee pot, smirking. "It is."

"You don't like coffee." Emy pointed out the obvious.

"Yeah well, this isn't for me." Tegan shrugged, watching the black, bitter liquid fill the mug like a

murky river with a wrinkled nose. She seriously didn't understand the appeal.

"It's for Sara." That wasn't a question, so Tegan didn't answer. "Of course. Rewarding her after a

sensational night, I guess?

"Did you have your ear pressed against our door or something?" Tegan waggled her brows as she set

the pot down. "I kind of like the idea of having an audience."

Emy scowled in disgust as she rolled her eyes, "I heard the bed squeaking, you perv. And I can see

this giant thing on your neck," She poked the tender bite mark Sara had left on her skin, the vivid red

decoration aching in protest from her prodding. "I refuse to believe sophisticated, quiet Sara made

this disgusting thing."

"Believe it." Tegan grinned smugly, slapping her hand away. It felt wrong to have someone else

touch what Sara had left in the peak of her pleasure.

"Gross, but that reminds me. I meant to tell you, I think you brought the wrong Sara Clement back

with you."

Tegan's eyebrows knitted together as she blew the steam from the cup, watching it roll and curl

abstract designs in the air, "Huh?"

"You said Sara was an egotistical, stuck up, cruel brat. I was expecting our place to be invaded by

Cruella De Vil or something. But instead she's a super cute, quiet girl who likes to talk about art. Like,

are we seeing the same person or are you blinded by your lust for hate sex?"

"I told you all of that that before I said those shitty things to her. After I said that stuff, I saw

something in her. You know? Like, I realized she had a mask to please her… Well, I'm not going to get

into it because it's her business, but it opened my eyes up to who she really is." Tegan cradled the

mug in her hands, warming them. "And she doesn't provide hate sex, dude. It's, like… she's really

gentle, slow, and… considerate, I guess. It's almost like…" Tegan paused, laughing slightly. "It's

almost like she's making love to me. But that even sounds ridiculous."

"Well, duh." Emy snorted. "It feels like it because she is, idiot."

"Yeah right," Tegan laughed, punching Emy's shoulder lightly. "I told you Sara doesn't even know

what love is."

"Yeah, well, you're teaching her to understand." Emy muttered, taking a sip of coffee and rolling her

eyes.

"Whatever," Tegan scoffed in disbelief, standing fully away from the counter. "You're a weirdo."

"No, I have observation skills you clearly lack." Emy called behind her back and Tegan ignored her.

She opened her door quietly, peeking around the corner to see if Sara was still snoozing away. She

wasn't, Tegan saw as she kicked the door closed. She was sitting up with the blankets pooling in her

lap, pulling her night shirt on. She looked up as the door creaked open, hastily covering her bare

torso, but as she caught sight of Tegan she relaxed and allowed the shirt to hang loosely around her

body. Her breasts were fully exposed to Tegan's eye, but instead of ogling her, she beamed in

greeting. "Hey there, sleepyhead!"

"Good morning, Tegan Rain," Sara greeted softly, watching Tegan leap onto the bed with the coffee

sloshing dangerously at the cups edge as she sat cross-legged in front of her. "You are up before the

morning news is over. I am in shock."

"You better shush up or I won't give you this coffee." Tegan teased, holding out the mug for Sara's

hands in contradiction to her threat.

"You brewed coffee for me?" Sara's voice was soft, cool fingers brushing Tegan's hand as she took

the mug. She placed her nose above the steam and took a whiff, closing her eyes to bask in it.

"Yep! Well, not technically. Full disclosure, Emy made it for herself, but it was my idea to get you a

cup," Tegan reached over the cup to poke the end of Sara's nose, grinning when Sara smiled warmly

back at her and did not try to bat her hand away. "I left it black because I feel like that's what you

would want. Or maybe you told me and I'm subconsciously remembering. Either way, I hope black is

good for you."

"If you are the one offering it to me, I will take anything." Sara told her, eyes bright as she smiled

around the cup, taking a sip. Tegan grinned, pleased with that response in ways she didn't

understand. They watched each other as Sara silently swallowed. Tegan could see the purple bruise

her mouth had left on the crook of Sara's neck from the folded collar of her shirt, dark and stark

against her pale skin. It sent a shiver down her spine, curling through her lower stomach. "But yes, I

prefer my coffee black."

"I knew it." Tegan beamed. "Hey, so listen. You might've noticed I'm already dressed and that's

because I have some errands to run today. I'm going to go put my paycheck in the bank and then I

need to go talk to one of my professors at school about my classes for next semester. I set the

meeting up with her, like… months ago. Then I'm gonna go get you a key made. Do you have a

cellphone?"

"No, such a device was never necessary at my home."

"I thought so. We need to get you one since they're necessary for you now. Maybe we can put you

in my plan so I can pay for the first few months until you've gotten money for a job or something.

We'll ask the people." Tegan ran a hand through her hair as she rushed through her mental check list.

"I think that's all the shit I need to do for today. So, like… I'll go to the bank and school and then I'll

come get you and then we'll go get you a phone and maybe we can look for places with 'help

wanted' signs or go ask for applications. Sound cool?"

"I do not want to overbear you with my presence. I very strongly do not wish for you to feel

suffocated by me, however, might I tag along with you today?" Sara's eyes evaded hers to pick

blankets between her fingers.

"Hey," Tegan tilted Sara's chin up to meet her eyes, lacking the self-confidence Tegan once thought

she wore with pride. "You're not suffocating me. But I have to ask, is this because you're… nervous

to be alone with Emy?"

Sara nibbled on her bottom lip, lowering her mug to rest against her knee, covered by the blankets.

"I fear Emily will find my presence irritating if I am alone, and by that I mean, if you're not here as

well. I might be seen to her as the intruder I feel I am."

"Dude, you're not an intruder. I brought you here on my own volition. Emy was literally just telling

me that she thinks you're cool in her own way. She loves that you like to talk about art. You're

welcome here. This is your home now too," Tegan ran the pad of her thumb over the small scar

beneath Sara's lips before dropping her hand. "I don't have a problem with you coming along, but I

think it'd be good for you and Emy to hang out one-on-one. You know? Maybe you could pose for

one of her drawings. She'd love you for it."

Sara stayed silent. She was debating her options, Tegan could see it as clear as day in the small cock

of her head and the elusiveness of her gaze. "Admittedly," she spoke up hesitantly, "I do desire to

befriend her."

Tegan smiled softly. When Sara was vulnerable, she was so charming. "Just be yourself and you'll be

best pals."

Sara shifted, looking unsure. "My personality-"

"Is fantastic."

"But you have voiced-"

"I was wrong." Tegan interrupted forcibly. "You're… listen, you're lovely, okay? I'm proud to have

you in my life or whatever. You're cool, Sara. Give Emy a chance to see that. Talk to her about books,

art, or your philosophy on life. Just be yourself and Emy will see what I see."

Sara's breath seemed caught in her throat as she spoke without air, "And what is it you see?"

"An intelligent and sweet woman who just needs a little push to break down her walls." Tegan

answered honestly, gentling her smile when Sara began to breathe again, stopping her coping

exercises without force. "If you be yourself, Sara, you're going to have so many friends. You'll never

have to be lonely again."

"I feel far from lonely with you in my life." Sara whispered.

"Lucky for both of us, I have no intention of leaving." Sara's face lit up in that smile, crinkling around

her eyes and scrunching her nose. Tegan couldn't help but grin widely back, her heart in her throat.

"So, stay here and hang out with Emy, eh? Please?" She widened her eyes and jutted her bottom lip

out. She wanted them to be friends; she needed it.

"It's rather hard to say no when you are shooting me that ridiculous face," Sara tittered, still so

surprisingly feminine that Tegan couldn't help but chuckle. "Alright, Tegan Rain. I shall stay here, I

suppose."

"Great!" Tegan clapped her hands together. "I'm glad you're trying. I'll be back in a few hours to

come get you, okay? Don't worry."

"Okay." Sara agreed quietly, eyes following Tegan as she stood and straightened her clothes.

Tegan looked down at Sara, and suddenly the urge to kiss her became overwhelming. It had only

been a few hours, but Tegan felt starved from her lips. They looked so full and lax from sleep, not yet

tightened from the day. She wanted to meet them before the day straightened Sara's back and

covered her nude body. Using the headboard for leverage, she lowered herself and leaned over. Sara

blinked at the suddenness, wetting her lips as Tegan used her other hand to dance across the mark

she had left on Sara's neck. A shudder wracked Sara's small frame as something brightened her eyes

and caused her to hold her breath.

"You're doing it again," Tegan murmured, their faces so close that Sara was a blur of hazel eyes.

"I apologize," Sara breathed, exhaling against Tegan's lips.

"It's okay."

Tegan dipped down to press their mouths together, not parting her lips as she placed a chaste kiss

against Sara's own coffee -warmed lips before she stood straight, smiling when Sara blinked dazedly.

She straightened and turned on her heel, making her way to leave. As her fingers brushed the

doorknob, she looked over her shoulder to see Sara resting her fingers over her lips and staring

down at her coffee mug.

An audible chuckle rumbled Tegan's chest and Sara looked up, dropping her hand while her cheeks

flushed. Tegan winked. "See you later, handsome."

The first half of her day was spent alone, reestablishing herself with the city she loved and basking in

the warmth of the sun on her skin. The wind blew her hair and whistled in her ears as she weaved

through strangers and tall buildings. She placed change into palms of the famished homeless,

shuddering at the thought that Sara could have been in their position. Her parents' lack of love could

have transformed her into one of these poor souls. Soft and lonely Sara could have been one of

them. It made her stomach churn just imagining her clean friend marked in dirt and bones poking

out even more than they already were.

Pride was strong in her chest as she inserted her earned cash into her bank account. It was an

indescribable feeling, after borrowing money from her mother such a short time ago. It made her

feel as if she was the adult she liked to play that she was. She wanted to be standing at Sara's side

when she placed her first paycheck in her own bank account. That thought reminded her that they

would need to make Sara an account first. They were going to need to build her life up from scratch,

creating a completely new Sara Clement as if she had only just arrived on the planet. She would soon

be void of everything her world had once been consumed in, with only the scars on her heart and

ego telling stories of her past. It would always swim in her eyes, but Tegan hoped she could help her

be happy and fulfilled one day. Together, they could glue her cracks back together.

She walked into her school with her head tipped high, roaming through the familiarity with the rare

occurrence of witnessing barren halls. No clanking pots or rushed voices filled the building, but only

occasional conversation and her own footsteps echoed against the white walls. It felt eerie, passing

the dark rooms normally filled with life; almost wrong. She walked quickly to her professor's open

door, spotting the older woman sitting at her desk, sorting through papers with her hair up in an

artful bun and her glasses slipping down her nose.

She knocked on the open door with one knuckle, peeking her head inside the room with a grin. "Mrs.

Corner?"

Brown eyes met her own and a smile she was well acquainted with lit round features, "Tegan, hello!

Come on in."

Tegan stepped inside and settled herself in the metal chair on the opposite side of the desk, resting

one leg on her knee.

"How has your summer been, Tegan?" Mrs. Corner slipped her glasses off and smiled curiously.

"It's been really great, actually." Tegan told her. "It's been informative and surprisingly fun."

"Good, good!" Mrs. Corner riffled distractedly through her papers, before catching a pink sheet with

a small sound of triumphant. "You applied and got the job for the filler position at the…" Mrs. Corner

squinted at her scribbled letters. "The Clements, yes?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Do you think you've learned from that experience?" Her eyes scanned over Tegan's face, but as

they lingered a bit too long on Tegan's neck, her heart stopped. She should have put cover up on the

bite mark; why the fuck hadn't she thought of that? She had been so absent-minded; she needed to

be more careful when school started up.

There was no way Mrs. Corner could possibly link Sara to the mark on her skin, but paranoia made

her skin itch as she hurriedly spoke up. "Oh, definitely," Tegan nodded a little too enthusiastically,

desperate to divert her attention back to her eyes. "It was a completely different environment than

what I've done in the past. Not only was it an interesting housing job, but the Clement's expected a

very formal way of doing things. It was very... informative." She repeated the word with a slight

cringe, hoping she didn't sound redundant.

"Very good!" Mrs. Corner gave a satisfied nod, not looking at all suspicious, and swiveled her chair to

turn to her computer. Tegan prayed she simply assumed Tegan was a human being with natural

desires and did not ponder just who she desired. "I'm proud of you, Tegan. You've been an

enjoyable student and it's great to see you go out and try to learn outside of the classroom. Let's set

you up for your classes now, shall we?"

Fear forgotten and her heart expanding with gratification, Tegan grinned. "Thank you very much,

Mrs. Corner."

Tegan entered her home with a new silver key dangling from her finger. She found Emy and Sara

sitting in the living room, Emy cross-legged and leaning against the arm of the chair to face Sara,

who sat with her back straight and hands in her lap. They were speaking with small smiles playing on

their lips, but both paused and looked up when the floor creaked beneath Tegan's boots.

"Hey, you two." She waltzed across the floor to sit behind Emy on the arm of the chair, patting her

best friend on the head. "What're you guys gabbing about?"

"High school." Emy answered.

Tegan stuck her tongue out in distaste. "Ew, why?"

"Sara asked what you were like as a teenager," Emy cocked her head back to give Tegan a striking

grin that she immediately feared. "And then we just got into this long conversation about what

public school is like and she told me about her little home schooling thing. It's very interesting."

Tegan shook her head, stuck on one specific part of that information. "What did you tell her about

me as a teen, though?" Emy looked to Sara, and Tegan swore she saw an ominous glint in both their

eyes. "Never mind. I don't want to know. Just know I made weird choices ranging from fashion to

drug use as a teenager, but I'm a different person now." She told Sara, who smirked as if she knew

things she shouldn't. Tegan had to distract her and she had the perfect thing. Leaning over Emy, she

presented Sara's key to her with a bright grin. "Look! You're a real apartment renter now, Sara! I

went to a little shop on the way here and got you a keychain so when you put your key on the table

by the door you can differentiate between yours and ours." She handed it over, watching Sara trace

the little green 'S' with her thumb. "You said green was your favorite color, right?"

"I had not believed you were listening." Sara said softly.

Guilt stirred in her stomach. She had listened, she just hadn't cared. "Well, I was." she assured gently.

"Do you like it?"

"Very much, yes." Sara clutched the key in her fist as if it was Christmas and she had received a

precious gift. She smiled with thanks up at Tegan, who couldn't help but beam back.

"So, you wanna go and get your phone and get applications now?" She queried.

"May I borrow sunglasses, Tegan Rain? I forgot my own at home."

Tegan shrugged, "Yeah, sure. They're on the table by the door. You ready to go?"

Sara stood with a nod. "Goodbye, Emily."

"See you later, Sara." Emy smiled as Sara turned and began to walk, before shooting Tegan a pointed

look and motioned to the crook of her own neck. She stuck her tongue out as she mouthed very

clearly, the word 'gross'.

It took Tegan a moment to understand that Emy had taken a notice to the bruise she had left on

Sara's neck. With an exaggerated wink, Tegan turned and followed Sara to the door wearing a

cheeky grin.

"Do you mind if we walk around instead of bike? It's a nice day and I kind of just want to enjoy it."

"I am fine with whatever means of travel you desire." Sara stepped out under the sun, slipping on

the checkered sunglasses she had borrowed from Tegan. The funky pattern stood out like a sore

thumb against Sara's stiff attire, making Tegan grin.

"Cool," They began to walk down the pavement, shoulders brushing as the warm wind picked up

their hair. "So, how was your day with Emy?"

"I find her quite enjoyable," Sara said. "She is kind in ways I am not at all accustomed to. She speaks

to me with no ulterior motive and without knowledge of the fortune I come from. She does not

seem to actively pity me for my circumstances, which I am relieved of. I had worried she might look

to me with sympathy, but she does not."

Tegan frowned, oddly bothered by that praise. She wasn't sure why Sara complimenting Emy made

her throat tighten - she wanted them to get along, but something bitterly annoyed tugged at her

chest. "Wow, maybe you guys should make out or something." she tried to joke, but the words came

out with a bite she hadn't intended to have.

Sara turned her head towards her, eyebrows knitted above her shades and lips tugged down in

puzzlement. "I sense something negative in your voice, Tegan Rain. Why on earth would you suggest

Emily and I engage in anything other than conversation?"

"I just…" Tegan ran a hand through her hair and forced a chuckle, lightening the mood. "I was

kidding. I just, I've never heard you compliment someone."

"I place compliments on you." Sara pointed out, tightening the lump in Tegan's throat.

"Yeah." She kicked a rock with the toe of her shoe and watched it bounce into the street as they

walked. She stuffed her hands in her pockets and gave Sara a timid grin, "Yeah, I guess that's why it

was weird. I'm a narcissist and I want all compliments to be geared towards me."

Sara's brows quirked, but she looked out to the city in silence. Tegan tried not to imagine Emy and

Sara with their lips locked, hands exploring each others vastly different bodies in Emy's bed. It made

her feel vaguely sick. She felt as if Sara belonged in her bed, and that was not something she could

wrap her head around. Sara was not her property; she was a human being with choices only she

could make and lips that could make contact with any other pair she wanted. She just didn't know

why that idea bothered her.

"So, um," Tegan cleared her throat to ease the tension she had placed between them. "Uh, where

do you think we should pick up applications? We could talk to libraries and book stores, since you

like books. Or coffee shops. Do you like animals? Of course you do, who doesn't? Maybe you could

get a front desk job at a vet clinic. I might even be able to score you a waitressing job at this place I

sort of interned in a few years ago."

"A waitress, dear lord. If mother had a grave, she would surely be rolling in it." Sara put her hand to

her heart as if fearing it would stop under such terrible news.

"Fuck what your mom would think." Tegan spat with vigor. Sara turned to her with shocked, raised

brows and Tegan cringed. "Sorry, that was aggressive. But seriously, forget about her. What she

thinks of what you do stopped mattering the moment she kicked you out of the house. You live for

you, you know? Not your mum, not me or Emy, or anyone else. Just you."

"I suppose you are right." Sara agreed softly.

"So, where do you want to apply?"

"I'm rather keen on the idea of being surrounded by books every day. It might remind me of

something familiar, like my old bedroom. However, if a waitressing job is what I must do, I will do it

without much complaint." Sara spoke, the sun reflecting in her shades as her arms swung carefully at

her sides. She was so rigid and uncomfortable with her every move, it made Tegan's soul ache.

"Much complaint," Tegan parroted with a laugh, not allowing her thoughts to leak into her voice.

"That's a good outlook. Alright, so we'll basically just get applications for every place that's giving

them out and then you can get interviews and accept one of the job offerings you like best."

"Job searching in this way is so odd." Sara shook her head, tucking her fringe behind her ear. "Father

received his career after my grandfather grew too old and took his place. Mother never worked. This

is all so foreign."

"It's like hearing about the stone ages when you talk about your life sometimes," Tegan remarked.

"Not like- not that I think you're weird. It's just interesting to see how differently things work, you

know? This'll all come second nature to you one day." She observed the way Sara's lips formed a

deep frown and sighed. "Does it upset you? The idea of learning new things and forgetting old ways?"

"It is not that it's upsetting, it is that it is so unexpected." Sara's teeth gripped her bottom lip for a

moment and Tegan was entranced until she released it. "Yet, I have come to realize that sometimes

the unexpected can be life changing in a way that is almost completely positive."

"I think so too." Tegan gave a friendly smile as Sara turned to look at her. "What made you realize

that? Moving?"

"Oh." Sara's cheeks seemed to tint as she ducked her head to the pavement. "I, well… may I be frank

with you?"

Tegan nodded, "Yeah, dude."

"It was you, Tegan Rain, that made me come to such conclusions." Tegan swallowed thickly against

the emotion flooding through her chest at Sara's shy declaration. "I think of you as I think of the sun.

Do you understand what I mean?" Tegan decided to be honest and shook her head. Sara bit her lip,

eyes clouded with thought. "You… you were, and still are, so new. You were suddenly in my sights

and there is an abundance of something so unbelievably bright that comes with you… something

rather blinding in its arrival. You are full of life in ways I had never witnessed prior to our meeting."

Sara spoke hesitantly, "The sun is the indicator of a new day. It is full of opportunities and it shines

so beautifully that I often find it hard to catch my breath if I look directly at it. And to me… you are

the sun."

Tegan felt as if the air had been knocked out of her as the lump in her throat doubled in size and

attempted to choke her. Her heart was racing as she tried to understand Sara's words. Sometimes

she spoke so eloquently - in such riddles - that it was hard to keep up with her. But Tegan heard the

fragile importance in these words.

"You are something not easily comprehendible. But I am willing to sit patiently and pick apart your

every petal until you are nothing but a stem that I can still find such magnetizing beauty in as I did

when you were a bloomed flower."

Tears prickled at Tegan's eyes. She didn't know why she felt so touched or why her heart felt too big

for her chest, but emotions were running rampant in her chest and she felt overwhelmed with

words she didn't fully understand. "Wow," she breathed. Sara's lips twitched into a faint smile. "That

was kind of beautiful. You truly are a fucking poet, Sara."

Sara ducked her head almost bashfully. Her cheeks were a furious red with what Tegan assumed to

be embarrassment to her vulnerability. She had been so hard to reach in the beginning, so distant

Tegan had equated her to an inhuman, cold metal. But there was so much more to her, and though

Tegan was seeing so much of it now, she knew there was even more to discover. She was eager to

cut away the branches of the tangled forest to reach the glowing jewel hidden in the layered depths.

How she could have possibly written Sara off as an empty shell was baffling.

"I'm not one hundred percent sure of what all of that meant, but… wow. That was probably the

sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. Like, ever." She touched Sara's hand, urging her to look

up. After a moment, Sara did as she was being asked, lips tilted almost delicately hopeful. "I think

you just called me beautiful. So thank you."

"Is that…" Sara paused, biting on her lip. "Is that all you gathered from what I have divulged to you?"

"Er, well, yeah," Tegan admitted with a flush, removing her hand from Sara's to rub the back of her

neck sheepishly. "I'm going to have to get back to you when I figure out everything."

Sara's lips pursed and she looked away, turning her head away so Tegan could only see the back of

her head as she murmured, "I will wait for that day anxiously."

Tegan blinked owlishly, hearing a sullen catch in Sara's voice. She opened her mouth to prod her for

answers, but Sara spoke up first.

"Is this the tattoo parlor you often go to?" She changed the subject so swiftly that Tegan forgot their

earlier conversation as if it had been as meaningless as topics of the weather. But she stored it all to

the back of her mind for further investigation later.

"Nah, not that one." She shook her head at the graffitied building, cracked with age and shadowed

behind trees. "Pretty sure I'd get infected with some sort of disease if I went there. I go to this place

a few blocks away."

Sara's fingers traced the ink on Tegan's arm, the pads of her digits soft and cold. "When we first met,

I informed Stacy of how nice I believe the art on your arms to be. I admire them and the courage you

have to be willingly penetrated by needles."

"Wait… did you tell her I had nice arms?" Tegan asked as a memory popped out at her.

"In so many words," Sara nodded, dropping her hand.

"You're the one with the n-" She could still hear Stacy's interrupted words in her mind from that day

that felt so long ago. They were words she had once believed to be cruel and stabbing, but they had

been a compliment. Tegan had brewed so much hatred under skin that day, tangling her

assumptions with ridiculous rage. Sara had been the kind one from the very beginning, and Tegan

could see now that she herself had been the monster. Emy was right; she was a fucking idiot. She

felt the needed to apologize, but Sara had no idea of the burning wrath she had felt that day. She

would only confuse her. So she kept silent and withheld every other terrible thought she had

collected of her that day.

Embarrassment burned at her cheeks as she asked, "Stacy's straight, right? Or am I being a

stereotypical asshole?"

"No. You are correct."

"Did, uh… did you and her ever… get into a closet?" Tegan poised the question as awkwardly as she

felt asking it. She did not linger in any thought of Sara touching Stacy with the same reverence she

touched Tegan, as a friend and a lover. She really needed to stop imagining Sara being intimate with

other people, it created irrational tension in her jaw.

"Stacy and I, oh my." Sara tossed her head with a disbelieving laugh. "The mere idea is laughable.

Not only would she never even dabble in thoughts of another woman, but I am as interested in

touching her as I am a pole."

"Really?" Tegan cocked her head, dubiety thick in her voice. "But… she's cute."

"I suppose I made it out like I went after anything wearing a skirt, but I do have standards. I only ever

even consider a woman if I am attracted to her on many different levels. It is not all about whether

or not they are attractive. I need a connection that exceeds friendship to even consider touching

them, if only once." Sara turned to her with a small frown. "I am no slag, Tegan Rain."

Tegan winced. She hadn't even considered any of that and based of Sara's expression, there was no

way she could convince her she had put it all into that perspective. "Uh, so, you think you'll ever get

a tattoo?"

Sara accepted the topic change with a soft sigh. "Mother would-" Sara paused at Tegan's pointed

poke at her ribcage. "Honestly, I have expressed curiosity in the idea before. I like the idea of having

abstract art resembling something intricate like the comics I own on my skin. But I have no idea if I

could actually do it."

"Sure you can!" Tegan encouraged. "I'm not going to push you, but I bet you would look like such a

babe all tatted up. I mean, you're good looking all on your own, but if you had a tattoo or

something…" Tegan trailed off, distracted at the image of Sara lying nude on her bed, porcelain skin

darkened with secret messages.

"Possibly one day." Sara shrugged ambiguously, a pleased smile playing on her lips at Tegan's

compliment.

"Oh, here we are!" Tegan pointed up at the glass windows of the building across the street. "Let's

bring you to the twenty-first century and get you a fucking cellphone. I can't believe you don't have

one."

Finding Sara a cellphone was harder than Tegan would have thought. Sara herself was not picky, as

she had no idea what was necessary for a cellphone and nodded in agreement to anything Tegan

presented to her. Tegan then went on twenty minute rant in the middle of the store, explaining

every detail of apps and unlimited texting, watching Sara's face grow more and more perplexed by

each ticking second until her eyebrows were completely scrunched and her eyes lost.

Eventually they found a phone that met Tegan's standards and Sara's cautious approval, unsure if

Tegan would go on another ramble of the importance of easy internet connection. They then scored

the entire building for a phone case, Sara choosing a plain beige cover despite Tegan's insistence on

the skull and cross bones case.

The hardest part was putting Sara on Tegan's plan. The robust man helping them spent a good half

hour murmuring to himself while scrolling on his computer to find the least expensive way to add

her on Tegan's insistence while trying to coerce Sara into buying unnecessary extras that only

confused the poor woman. Tegan jumped in to disregard everything he offered, dragging her fingers

comfortingly across Sara's hand under the desk. She was so unaccustomed to this form of shopping

that the longer it took, an impatient twitch began to build behind her eyebrow. Tegan was sure only

she could see it; to others, Sara probably looked the like the calmest customer the building had ever

seen, but Tegan could see the annoyance building under her mask. She couldn't help but wonder if

the man caught sight of the bruises on their skin behind thin-wired glasses and knew they had

created them together. A shameful thrill stirred in her gut at the idea that he knew they were

together on some level.

After nearly two grueling hours, they finally left the building with a new cellphone in hand. Buying

the thing made Tegan cringe in near agony of how much money it took out of her bank account.

"I apologize for this, Tegan Rain. I had no inkling it would be so expensive. Though, admittedly, it

does not sound expensive to me, but your expression says otherwise." Sara sighed, sunglasses still

resting on the top of her head as the door fell shut behind them. "You have done so much, I feel like

a leech causing you to do all of this for me."

"Don't." Tegan took Sara's brand new phone from her hands and swiped her thumb over the screen

to unlock it, searching through her apps. "You're not a leech. I like doing this stuff for you. I'm

basically your sugar daddy."

"What on earth is that?"

"You know, like a dude who buys a person all these cool things and then gets repaid in sex." Tegan

looked up from the phone to waggle her brows teasingly, but Sara frowned. "I'm kidding. You know

that, right?"

"Oh." Sara cleared her throat and gave a nod. "Of course I know that."

Tegan knew she was lying, but let it go as she quickly typed her name into the contacts and added

her number. She then found the camera, and after a moment of shuffling around to find good

lighting from the sun, she snapped a quick picture of herself poking her tongue out. Sara watched

this entire moment with dubiously raised brows until Tegan was placing her phone back in her palms.

"I put my number in there. I even put my whole name just for you. So if you go to this little button,"

Tegan walked around Sara to peek over her shoulder, pointing to the correct icon, "For now, my

name is the only one that shows up, but eventually it'll be full of all your friends names. So then, you

click on the name you want and it'll call them. That picture I just took will show up when I call you or

text you, letting you know it's me. Pretty cool, right?"

"Can you show me where I find the camera?" Sara asked, craning her neck back so their faces were

inches apart. Tegan felt a rush of heat sear through her body as she was reminded of last night. She

cleared her throat to shake her thoughts and clicked on the correct buttons until the camera was lit

up on the screen. "May I take your photo? One of you simply smiling, perhaps?"

"Sure, dude, but can you be in it too?" Tegan proposed excitedly. "Let's take a selfie together."

Sara knitted her brows, "That is not a word in my vocabulary."

"It's a picture you take of yourself. Here," Tegan wrapped her arms around Sara's body to grab the

phone and held it out in front of them until she could see them both on the screen. She rested her

head against Sara's temple, sun kissed skin heated and hair like brushing fire. "You better smile." She

knocked their heads together teasingly as Sara giggled.

Tegan put on her own best smile, lips curling over her gums as she beamed into the camera, pressing

her thumb against the button to capture the moment as the wind caused their hair to dance. The

sun was dotting in her eyes, but as she looked at the photo, she couldn't help but grin. Sara looked

so small and sweet cradled against her front, hair tickling her forehead and eyes shining as bright as

her dazzling smile. Beside her Tegan looked as dorky and uncoordinated as she felt in Sara's

presence, grinning too hard and invading all of Sara's precious personal space. "We're cute."

Sara took the phone to observe the photo, placing the sunglasses on the bridge of her nose. "I am

fond of this. How do I keep it?"

"It saves on its own." She grabbed Sara's wrist and tugged her forward. Sara placed her phone in the

safety of her pants pocket, allowing Tegan to drag her around like a ragdoll. "C'mon. Let's find you

some applications so you can be super successful and prove your family wrong. You're going to make

them wish they had never kicked you out of their life, Sara."

"I must admit that I do not care if I make them proud any longer. However, I want to make myself

proud and…" Sara trailed off. "I… do wish to make you proud."

Tegan stopped them in the middle of the sidewalk, no longer caring about the grumbles of irritation

from the other streetwalkers. "I'm already proud of you. You're trying to so hard and you're

accepting all these things so well. You're so strong and I'm like a proud little lion. You should be

proud of yourself too."

Tegan's heart jumped as Sara smiled at her, more blinding than the sun and far more captivating

than any of the people rushing like blurred blobs around them. Tegan tugged Sara forward by the

wrist in her hand, intending to place a kiss on her lips. Sara stumbled with grace, but her body went

tight as her head moved to look at all the people around them, and Tegan understood that she

feared the backlash of cruel strangers. It reminded her vaguely of the way Theresa would jump from

even her simplest attempts at handholding, but she didn't feel the pain of rejection she had then.

Sara had no idea what people out in the world would do if they saw two women kissing; she didn't

know that most people would not even blink.

And Sara wasn't her girlfriend, she reminded herself with a small shake of her head. She would need

to explain the acceptance of homosexuality to Sara one day soon, but for now she appeased them

both and instead pressed a quick kiss to Sara's cheek. Her skin was soft and hot in ways her hands

lacked. Sara's bad circulation from developing in the womb felt eerily understandable. It was her

connection to her mother, the only unavoidable link. Her hands were so cold and untouchable,

leaving a chill imprinted on others - just like her mother.

She regretted that thought the moment she looked into Sara's eyes, melted like a green popsicle on

a day even hotter than this one, swirling serenely tender like dancing leaves on a tree. Sara had no

connection to her mother. It was insane such an admirable angel like Sara could come from such a

growling monster.

Tegan smiled dotingly and lightened her grasp on Sara's thin wrist, "Let's go."


	20. Laundry Day

"Tegan Rain?"

Tegan's head poked out of the bathroom door as she heard the soft call of her name, white foam of

toothpaste clinging to her mouth and the end of her toothbrush poking out of her lips. She kicked

the rest of the door open and padded out into the hallway, not caring that she was clad in only a

sports bra and pajama pants. Sara had seen her in far less and Emy was out for breakfast with her

own Sarah; modesty was forgotten as a mere idea as she walked into her shared room with Sara,

who was standing in front of the closet in her night clothes. "What's up?" Tegan asked around her

toothbrush.

"I seem to be out of clothing that is appropriate for the summer," Sara turned away from the closet

to look at Tegan with a helpless tug to her lips. "My clothing is all worn and unclean except for the

abundance of sweaters and coats I brought. I did not pack enough blouses to wear in this heat."

Tegan took the toothbrush out of her mouth and wiped her lips with the back of her hand. Minty

toothpaste smudged across her hands in a white streak as she nodded, "I guess it's time to do the

laundry. I'm running out of clean underwear, anyway." She walked around Sara to go into the closet,

peeking through her own much larger collection of t-shirts beside Sara's ironed and expensive

sweaters. "You can borrow one of my shirts for today while we get your stuff clean. Take your pick."

"One of your tops?" Sara parroted with hesitant incredulity.

"Yeah, you're the same size as me despite my baby bearing hips and bigger boobs, remember?"

Tegan grinned, referencing Sara's own words. "When you moved in here, your closet expanded

whether you like the choices or not." She shrugged.

"You will not mind if I borrow your clothing?" Sara questioned stepping into the closet to stand

beside Tegan, who ran the bristles of her toothbrush across her back teeth as she shook her head

carelessly.

"No." She answered, voice muffled.

She watched Sara examine flannels of every colors of the rainbow and over-sized band t-shirts with a

small purse to her lips. The sound of Tegan's absent-minded tooth brushing mixing with the hiss of

hangers swiping over the closet bars while Sara tried to find a shirt that was least offensive to her

eyes.

"Maybe I borrow this?" Sara took a dark green flannel and presented it to Tegan.

Tegan opened her mouth to assure her she could borrow anything, when an idea formed in her mind

and she swallowed her words with a smirk. "Actually, no."

Sara blinked, "Oh, I thoug-"

"I just mean, I think you should try to wear something that isn't a button down, you know? Expand

your horizons, or whatever. Try new things. Try…" She held the toothbrush in her mouth and

grabbed a random short-sleeved shirt from the rack, "A t-shirt."

"A t-shirt?" Sara repeated with the same distaste one spat at the idea of running.

"Yeah," Tegan clamped the toothbrush between her teeth and waved the black material in Sara's

face as if it would tempt her, grinning widely."There's a little cat on it saying 'me-ow', just like all the

ladies will when they see you rockin' this."

Sara bit her lip, eyes flickering between the gray stripped cat and Tegan's persistent grin, "You

honestly wear this in public, Tegan Rain?"

"Yes," The word was colored in Tegan's snickering, "And no one lynches me. No one gasps in horror

that I'm not all dressed up all fancy." Sara pursed her lips uncertainly as Tegan egged on, "C'mon,

Sara, look at how cute the little guy is." She tickled her finger underneath the cat's chin as if it were

real and could feel her touch.

Sara seemed to be cracking, a small giggle falling from her lips, "I… do quite like cats."

"Of course you do. You're a lesbian." Tegan joked, to which Sara arched a brow.

"How do those two things coincide?" She cocked her head to the side, a calculating look squinting at

her eyes. "If you are making a pussy joke, Tegan Rain, I am deeply appalled."

A shock met Tegan's core. "Jesus, Emy and I need to make a list of all the gay jokes and stereotypes

the stupid society has so you can be in on everything." She reminded herself aloud, ignoring the way

her body awoke at the simple use of one word on Sara's lips. "Will you wear this? Please?" Sara

seemed to be wavering, but Tegan was fairly sure knew how to get Sara to as she was asking, "For

me?"

Sara's shoulder slumped as she relented, "You are very talented at wearing me down."

"Wearing you out." Tegan revised with a cocky smirk that merged into a smile when Sara giggled and

took the top.

"That is a very sure tone you have, Tegan Rain, yet I do not have a memory of collapsing in

exhaustion from your abilities."

Tegan took her toothbrush from her mouth to allow her jaw to drop. She had gotten so invested and

drawn in by Sara's sweet demeanor that she had almost forgotten the sharp wit she held. She had

believed that the mockery at her expense would disappear with Sara's mask, but she felt oddly

relieved to see Sara could still continue their repartee even with her shy laughter and gentle

compliments. It was not held with cruelty to hurt Tegan's ego, but instead she was teasing her with a

curling smile and quirked brows.

Tegan recovered quickly and relaxed with her own smirk, "I hear a challenge."

"I hear confidence in potentially mundane abilities," Sara countered, reminding Tegan of all the

times she had struck her with an equally bruising quip, but her voice was good-natured and her eyes

sparking with curiosity.

Tegan shook her head in awe, chuckling heartily as Sara unbuttoned her night shirt to change. She

watched Sara slip her top off with a bitten lip. She hoped one day, Sara would be as confident and

unembarrassed of her personality as she was with her body. She had worn a lacy blue bra to bed,

the color bold against her pale skin as she reached out for the t-shirt Tegan was still holding. She

took it off the hanger and hung it back up as Tegan admired the way her muscles shifted beneath

her skin until her torso was hidden beneath the loose-fitting top.

Tegan took a step back to assess Sara, who looked down at herself skeptically. The top was too large

on Tegan, but it looked as if it were attempting to drown Sara. The sleeves nearly reached her

elbows and hung below her bum, making it appear as if she were pantless as it fell past her shorts.

The winking cat and speech bubble were completely out of place on Sara's stiff body, and the shirt

had ruffled her hair a bit when it slipped over her head, causing it to stick up and grow fluffy.

"You look-"

"A bit like the vagabond I was bond to become if you had not offered me a home?" Sara suggested.

Tegan rolled her eyes, "I was going to say adorable, actually."

Sara's head snapped up to look at her, surprise evident in her eyes. Tegan smiled and shoved her

toothbrush into her mouth between her teeth, "Here." She walked forward and grabbed one of the

sleeves, meticulously rolling them up until the three freckles on Sara's bicep were exposed. She then

rolled the other sleeve up just as carefully, smoothing out the creases. She took a step back to

admire her handiwork and gave a satisfied nod. "That's better. Don't you think?"

Sara gave a small shrug. Tegan walked out of the closet to retrieve her bright purple pants and

presented them to Sara, who stepped out of the closet and raised a brow.

"Wear these too?" Tegan pouted her bottom lip out hopefully.

"Admittedly, I need my trousers washed as well." Sara took the pants without argument, much to

Tegan's pleasure, and quickly pulled them on after discarding her shorts.

Tegan watched her conceal the long top until it was perfectly tucked for so long she began to grow

impatient. Sara then zipped and buttoned the jeans and looked to Tegan with a small frown. "I feel a

bit like a fool." she admitted, a flush building beneath her cheeks.

Tegan cocked her head to the side, etching admiration for the way her tight jeans hugged Sara's

calves and full thighs. The way her jeans stitched in around her slim waist looked casual in ways

Tegan had never seen her present herself, while leaving the tidy parts of herself in the way she had

carefully tucked them into her pants. "You don't look like one." she complimented sincerely.

"This top is surprisingly comfortable." Sara murmured, peering down at herself.

"You look comfortable, for once." Tegan agreed. Despite Sara's tight shoulders and straight back, it

was the truth. "I dig it. You look really cute, Sara."

Sara's smile was bright and sweet, catching Tegan's breath as she backed out of the room to finish

cleaning her teeth. She was mesmerized by the curl of Sara's lips and the door appeared quicker

than she thought, resulting in her back making harsh contact with the door frame with a surprised

'oof'. Sara giggled, surfacing something jittery in Tegan's veins.

"Um," Tegan released a high, nervous laugh, "let me get dressed and then we can go do the laundry,

okay?"

Sara simply nodded, watching Tegan back out of the room with raised brows until she was around

the corner. She winced openly to the barren hallway, reaching around her back to rub the pain from

the impact of the door frame from her spine. Exasperated, she shook her head at herself.

Jesus, what the fuck was wrong with her?

"You cannot be serious."

The horror in Sara's voice was palpable, the tension thick. Her eyes were bigger than Tegan had ever

seen them, straining with terror of the unknown. She was gaping as if she had witnessed a murder

on the side of the street, clutching her belongings to her chest with white knuckles as if fearing the

murderer would spot her and try to steal the borrowed duffle bag in her arms. The concrete walls

left the small washing room chilly as the fluorescent lights flickered dimly to the creaks and moans of

the active apartments towering above the basement. Sara looked as if she had walked into her new

prison cell. Tegan was glad that despite forcing Sara into summer clothes, she herself had dressed

appropriately for the frigid basement in a long sleeved top and beanie as if the outdoors were

layered in ice.

"I'm not kidding, Sara." Tegan patted Sara's back solemnly.

"But this is…" Sara trailed off, shaking her head like a small child being forced into eating vegetables.

"It's public."

"Yup, it is." Tegan's lips quirked in amusement.

"Other people wash their belongings here?"

"A smart girl like you should know the definition of public, Sara." Tegan quipped, setting her basket

of dirty clothes on the small table in the middle of the two rows of washer and dryers.

"But that cannot possibly be sanitary." Sara protested faintly, placing the duffle bag of her dirty

clothes beside Tegan's hamper. "The… fluids falling from stranger's clothing are unbeknownst to us

and it washes off in the same place I will be putting the material I wear on my person."

"Yeah, generally I don't think about it like that and just wash my clothes." Tegan snorted, dumping

her clothes out onto the table to sort through the colors.

Sara's nose was in the air in a mirror of the aloof woman she had been so many weeks ago as she

scanned the rundown machines wryly. "This is not at all going to ease my worries that my clothing

will continue to be unclean even after washing them. I have never done my own laundry, after all. I

could do it incorrectly, and on top of that, adapt some sort of disease."

"Sara," Tegan chuckled in exasperation. "I'm going to help you and you won't get a disease. I've

been cleaning my stuff here for, like, two years and I'm perfectly healthy."

Sara did not protest after that, but instead hummed a tight and tense, "Mm." that voiced just as

much - if not more - displeasure as her hoity-toity rambling had. Tegan rolled her eyes.

"C'mon, princess," she teased. "Dump your clothes out like the rest of us heathens and I'll teach you

how to do your laundry."

Explaining the art of being an everyday adult to Sara's creasing brows, Tegan's laughing grin could

not dissipate at Sara's murmured confusion and repetition of Tegan's own directions under her

breath as she set about cleaning her own clothes for the first time in her twenty-one years. Her nose

was wrinkled in hesitation and mild disgust as she inspected the inside of the washer with another

disapproving hum. Tegan nudged her in the side with a low chuckle until she reluctantly dropped her

clothing inside and set the correct setting with Tegan's instructions.

After a few minutes of murmured conversation, the washer spun to life. Emitting a low groan as

frothy bubbles splashed the closed compartment, a rush of water sprayed inside with a low hiss.

"Surely any machine that groans like an elderly man trying to stand from an encompassing

cushioned couch should alert one to not put their belongings inside." Sara piped up after recovering

her surprise from the sudden creaks.

From across the room, Tegan laughed as she dumped her own clothing inside an empty washer

before expertly starting up her own cycle without any problems. She turned to face Sara, using the

washer behind her as elbow rests. "Nothing bad is going to happen."

"What do we do now?" Sara questioned, crossing her arms over her chest. "It's quite cold down here,

isn't it?"

"We wait. Normally I go upstairs and get stuff done or go out and get lunch or something. But…"

Tegan sucked her piercing into her mouth and lifted herself from her slumped position to prowl

towards Sara with a proposition in her eyes. "I could warm you up, if you want." Her voice was

purposefully husky, hoping to reel Sara in with the hopefully alluring gravel in her vocal chords.

Sara's eyebrows arched, "That is a highly overused line, you realize?"

"Yeah, I don't really care," Tegan grinned, stopping only when the toe of their shoes met in a light

kiss. She peered up at Sara through her lashes, examining the natural pout of Sara's lips with interest.

"The opportunity presented itself and I wasn't going to pass it up. So… wanna make out with me?"

"That is a seemingly undeniable request." Sara responded softly.

"That's a yes, right?" Tegan questioned. She grabbed the front of Sara's top to tug her closer,

unafraid of wrinkling the material the way she was when Sara wore her own clothing.

"Yes." Sara smiled. Tegan leaned forward an inch; Sara's eyes fluttered shut and her lips parted in

anticipation. Tegan let their breath mingle in the short distance between them, waiting to see if Sara

would try to contain herself with swallowed air. Her lashes were clumped under the tight squeeze of

her lids, her cheeks beginning to hold traces of pink heat, but her breath remained intact. It was

short and faint, but very much present. Pride swelling for her friend, Tegan closed the gap between

them by pressing their lips together.

She could hear the small catch in Sara's breath as her bottom lip was captured, but she didn't stop to

admonish her. She allowed Sara her coping this time around, as she had already placed her in an

unfamiliar space with her clothing and laundry. It was still morning, but Sara had already

accomplished deviating from her comfort zone, and Tegan congratulated her with a lingering suck to

her lip. She released Sara's shirt from her clutch to brush over her stilled chest. Sara's nipples were

tightened into buds, straining against the thin shirt. Tegan assumed it was due to the cold and

tugged her closer by the belt loops of her pants, pressing their hips together as she stepped blindly

forward.

Sara's back met one of the unused dryers, and their hips met in a deeper press when Tegan was

unprepared to stop so soon and took another step forward. Sara gasped, her lips parting underneath

Tegan's as her hands came up to clutch Tegan's shoulders.

It was such a small gesture of need, but it set something off in Tegan's blood like a rocket's fuse

exploding and sending it high in the air. Sparks exploded in Tegan's stomach as adrenaline pumped

into her heart to aid its suddenly quickened pace, her fingers itching to caress as her core heated.

She hadn't pushed Sara into this; Sara had done it all so uninhibitedly, reacting without thinking and

allowing her arousal to be known in ways that were very much her. Tegan had been with many

women, who never once thought before they acted and it had never set something so desperate

under her skin because with Sara, it was special. It meant progress. It meant she was stitching her

ripped pieces slowly, but surely, and Sara was trying to move forward and let herself be vulnerable.

Tegan rewarded her, slipping her tongue in her open lips. She trapped her further against the dryer,

moving her fingers to tangle in Sara's perfectly combed locks. She tugged at the soft strands

between her fingers as she explored the mouth she was now familiarized with. Sara's taste was not

at all new to her any more, but the excited flutter in her chest was just as rapid as it had been the

first time.

Sara gave a soft noise of pleasure, her own hands clutching Tegan's waist to tug her closer until it

was physically impossible for their lower bodies to melt together any further. Something had been

released in her at Tegan's dominance, like a timid animal breaching the bushes to find the food

standing between them and a stronger mammal. Had anyone ever taken control of her? Had

everyone Sara had ever been intimate with laid back and submitted to her whim until it was their

turn to give, to which they scurried off with their tail between their legs?

Tegan was mind-boggled, her thoughts running as she tugged lightly at Sara's lips with her teeth and

soothed the stings with her tongue and gentle sucks. Sara's seemingly subconscious desire to be…

taken, at least Tegan thought so, released something equally feral in herself. They had always kissed

so delicately. They moved as if they were teenagers in starry-eyed, heart skipping, hand trembling

love. Sara always seemed keen on soft, deep sucks. Had she kissed everyone like that? Had she ever

experienced desperate, hard kisses that bruised her lips and tingled for hours after? Tegan had

always allowed Sara her own way, but she needed more. She wanted something new.

With some caution, she added pressure to their kiss, tightening Sara's hair between her fists. Sara

gave a pleasant sigh in the form of a soft puff against Tegan's face, unbothered by the extra press as

she moved her hands to cradle Tegan's jaw between chilled palms.

Emboldened, Tegan intensified the kiss further. She pushed her body against Sara's until every soft

mound of flesh or hard jut of bones were lined up so perfectly Tegan was momentarily distracted by

the completed puzzle they created until Sara drew her back in with a coaxing tongue and fingers

digging into her waist. Tegan's lips curled at the corners into a small smile as she attacked Sara's lips

with passion she usually restrained, kept in its shaking cage. She let go. She kissed her hard,

relinquishing anything soft or delicate they normally had. It was lust driven; it was the type of kiss

one would see when lovers were reunited in after months apart, clawing at clothes, but nothing was

fast enough before they were touching skin. But Sara and Tegan kept their clothes on, building the

anticipation up even more than those couples in movies with their clothes acting as a teasing barrier

between them.

Sara responded to every tug to her lips and harsh biting as if she had anticipated every move, not

seeming at all surprised by the change in pace. Her kiss matched Tegan's level without a falter, chest

heaving and pausing, causing her breast to push further into Tegan's own.

Tegan slipped a thigh between Sara's, forcing them closer. She could feel Sara's heat penetrating

layers of clothing to warm her thigh. A moan passed between their lips. Tegan realized with shock

that it came from her own throat, unaware of its presence. Nerves were tangled in her stomach,

heating her skin until sweat built beneath her beanie and suddenly she wished she had worn

something more appropriate for the season. Her hands were shaking with excitement as the sounds

of the washers spinning no longer camouflaged the sounds of their smacking lips. They only broke

away to catch heavy breathes and exchange short, hungry looks until they were slamming back

together as if pulled by an invisible string, only allowing them to part for mere moments before they

were entangled again.

Sara's discretion seemed to disappear in thin air under eager kisses. Her hands slipped beneath

Tegan's fitted top to brush cold fingers over blazing skin. Prickles ignited under every patch of skin

she traced, forming ice under her fingertips only to melt it away with extra fire. Her nails scratched

lightly across Tegan's hipbones before she wound slowly around her body to touch the dip of her

lower back, just above the waistband of Tegan's jeans. Tegan was hyperaware of her trail up and

down the length of her spine, running gently up the arch of her back before she slid back down even

slower than before, contrasting against her quick kiss. She found her lower back once more, but her

hands continued their journey south until she was grabbing Tegan's bum and forcing her to straddle

Sara's thigh with more pressure than before.

The seam of her jeans pressed against Tegan's thumping clit, pulling a whimper from her throat.

Colors sparked behind her lids, coating the darkness with reds and blue swirls. It made her want to

give in and allow Sara to do whatever the fuck she wanted as long as that pleasure didn't get put to

an end, but her ambition was steely. She wanted to be in control.

To make it known, she broke their kiss and buried her heated face against Sara's neck, kissing up her

throat. Sara tossed her head to the side to give Tegan more room; she could smell the sweet scent of

Sara's freshly shampooed hair as she sucked the soft skin beneath Sara's ear. It left her in a daze, her

head spinning as she began to slowly roll her hips, grinding her thigh into Sara's center. Sara's

breathing was carefully controlled, but there was a noticeable stall between her sharp intakes of air

as Tegan attempted to work her into a puddle.

She dragged her teeth over the fading mark on the crook of Sara's neck as the sound of Sara's body

bumping roughly into the dryer hypnotized her. Her tongue traced one long line up one of Sara's

straining tendons until she reached her earlobe, catching it between her teeth to nibble lightly as

Sara gasped softly in the air.

Tegan let her hot breath brush Sara's reddened ear as she rocked against her, biting back her own

sounds of pleasure to hear Sara's occasional, quiet noise. Her lips brushed the shell of Sara's ear as

she whispered, "You're being such a good girl, Sara."

Sara whimpered, her hands tightening against Tegan's ass. The noise was unrestrained and needy,

traveling straight to Tegan's core. She should feel dirty – icky and unclean – for using those words.

She was almost one hundred percent sure Sara respond so strongly to being called a good girl

because of her past; her need to please and do what others desired of her. It should feel gross to

indulge her in something that linked with her parents, deep down inside of Sara's heart. But it didn't;

it did not feel wrong. She wanted to make Sara feel good. She wanted to lavish her in praise; make

her feel like she was doing well under both of their wishes.

And, she could not deny, she liked how in power it made her feel. She craved Sara's response, it sent

a shiver down her spine. It gave her a weird sense of control and dominance that made her want to

fuck Sara until she really did collapse in exhaustion. She didn't want to be dominating all the time,

but right now the need was bubbling in her blood. It made her want Sara to find the type of nirvana

she had with the one orgasm Sara had given her. She just wanted to make her feel so good she

forgot about ever feeling less than or a disappointment. Because she was nothing close to a

disappointment.

Tegan nibbled on her ear one last time before pulling back an inch to glance between their bodies.

She watched, enraptured, the waves Sara's hips created, undulating against Tegan's thigh on her

desperate attempt to find friction. A grin split across Tegan's face as her eyes watched Sara's breasts

heave to her stilted breathing before eyeing her livid red cheeks and bitten bottom lip. She met

Sara's dilated eyes, hooded by heavy lids and fluttering lashes, her grin widening.

"You're so beautiful." The words were out of her mouth and in the humid air before Tegan even

knew they were in her mind.

Sara's hips paused, her eyes opening a bit wider. Tegan continued to thrust against her for a

moment before going still as well, unsure if she had just done something incredibly stupid. She

watched Sara with a worriedly bitten lip; Sara was studying every inch of her face, eyes intense. Had

she crossed a line?

But then Sara's hands disappeared from Tegan's bum to tuck the hair peeking out from her beanie

back inside the knitted cap, and a soft smile lit her blushing face. "As are you, Tegan Rain." she

whispered, "So much so that the word is demeaning in regards to you."

Tegan opened her mouth to say what, she didn't know. Her heart was pounding and her mind blank.

But Sara's lips caught hers before she could fumble out a response. It was soft, the hard kiss gone

and laced with feather light delicacy once again. Tegan's lips were gentle, but her body was still

thrumming and aching. She wrapped her arms around Sara's waist, placing all her strength in her

biceps to Sara, who helped her quickly with two steady hands on the dryer. Their lips detached as

Sara blinked in surprise as Tegan rested her to sit on the dryer, peering up with her a smirk before

meeting their lips back together.

Sara held her cheeks between her hands as Tegan's own descended to her breasts as their tongues

reunited. She palmed the mounds in her hands, listening to soft noise in Sara's throat with extreme

satisfaction.

"Oh! Uh… wow, okay." An awkward male voice shattered their little world. Sara's lips froze as shock

stopped Tegan's heart. "Uh… Should I come back later or...?"

Tegan pulled from the kiss, dropping her hands from Sara's chest guiltily at being caught. She

swiveled around, embarrassed heat rushing up her neck as she met the unfamiliar eyes of a tall, thin

man wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt spotted in sauce stains.

"No, no," she protested quickly. She turned around to help a furiously blushing Sara off the dryer

with two helpful hands on her waist. "We, uh, we were just on our way out, actually."

His eyes widened a fraction, looking between the two of them as if he had never seen women before.

Sara inched behind Tegan as if trying to camouflage herself and Tegan stifled the laughter in her

chest as she reached behind herself to blindly grab Sara's hand. "You go ahead and do your laundry,"

she said to the man. "We'll just go make out somewhere else."

"Um?" He blinked, watching a grinning Tegan tug a flushing Sara out of the room with owlish eyes

until the door shut behind them.

Out in the hallway, Tegan threw her head back with a boisterous laugh. "His face!" she crowed in

delight.

"He did not seem to find us revolting." Sara said in a voice painted in awe and bafflement.

Tegan snorted as she tugged Sara hurriedly down the hall, "Duh."

"Why is that? I can only imagine his horror upon finding two women in a heated lip lock."

"I'm going to go ahead and assume that dude was straight. Do you know what they say about

straight men and gay women?" Tegan asked her, feet fueled by the strong arousal in her body.

"The two do not link in my mind." Sara responded, lost.

"Yeah, me either." Tegan agreed, pressing her knuckle into the elevator button so they could go

upstairs. "But most straight dudes, they- Actually, you know what? It's gross and annoying. I'm really

turned on, so let's talk about this later."

Sara looked completely frazzled, but as Tegan ushered them into the empty elevator and stitched

their lips back together, all thoughts of that man seemed to leave both their minds as the heat they

had created rebuilt as they traveled up to their floor.

The ride was quick and Tegan was tugging Sara to their room and throwing the door open even

quicker. "Emy?" she called as they rushed through the halls. "Sarah with an 'h'? You guys here?"

Silence met her call and Tegan shot Sara a wicked grin as she kicked their door open. It met the door

frame seconds later, just as hard as Tegan's back had earlier. "Can I ask you something kind of

personal, Sara?" she asked, the pitch of her voice lowering to a husky drawl as they settled onto the

bed.

"Yes." Sara replied simply, lying on her back as Tegan straddled her waist.

"Has anyone ever…" She bit her lip. Her fingers trailed down the valley between Sara's breasts,

bumping over the rise of her bra before resting her palm flat on Sara's stomach. "Has anyone ever

gone down on you?"

The dissipated red tint of Sara's cheeks bloomed as her eyes flitted away from Tegan's to look

somewhere over her shoulder. "No heterosexual woman was interested in merely rubbing me

through my trousers, let alone placing her mouth in that area."

Tegan licked her tingling lips, "What about Penelope?"

"May I be blunt?" Sara asked timidly, her own lips swollen.

"Yeah." Tegan nodded. She walked her fingers up Sara's chest, slowly growing closer to her breasts.

"Penelope had a… very intense fascination with…" Sara trailed off, her voice growing breathy as

Tegan distracted her with brushing touches over her hard nipples through her top. Her chest rose

and fell quickly before stilling as her eyes fluttered shut for a moment. Tegan watched her throat

bob to a thick swallow as she ran her pointer fingers lightly over her nipples. "She… was quite

interested in the position of being intimate with me from… behind."

Tegan's grin was striking. She tugged Sara's shirt out of her pants and slowly placed the material just

beneath her breasts. She spread her fingers across the flat surface of Sara's stomach, her voice low

as she asked, "Oh, really?"

"Yes. However, she was not nearly as adventurous as that paints her to be." Sara's bottom lip was

sucked into her mouth as she watched Tegan crane down to press kisses across her stomach. Tegan

looked up at her as she pressed her hot lips against the smooth skin just above her bellybutton. "She

rarely ever entered me. She was not comfortable when I did it to her, so I believe she thought I

would be in equal discomfort if she did so to me. She only ever allowed me to pleasure her with my

tongue once, but we were caught before she could ever find the chance to return the favor."

Tegan hummed in understanding. She sucked a line down the skin between Sara's ribcage, tracing

her tongue out across risen goose bumps. Her tongue dipped into Sara's bellybutton, making the

woman beneath her arch the slightest bit. "Do you want to know what it's like to have it done to

you?" she questioned, her lips brushing the waistband of Sara's jeans.

Excitement burned in Sara's guarded gaze. Tegan understood the twitches in her face well enough to

see her eagerness for that exact proposition. "I am curious about it, yes." she said, neutral despite

the new fire in her eyes.

"You've been such a good girl today…" Tegan bit her lip as visible shiver rushed down Sara's spine,

wracking her frame. "I feel like I should reward you for good behavior and let you know what it's like,

if you'll let me…"

Sara's chest paused, but Tegan let it go. She was just as thrilled. She had never once had the

opportunity to be the first one to show someone new pleasure. Every woman she had ever been

with had already experienced the basics with others, but Sara could not fathom the euphoria that

wrapped over a person's entire body when a tongue caressed a swollen clit. She had done it to so

many other people without the knowledge of what it felt like, but Tegan was going to teach her. It

was a privilege she did not take lightly.

She helped Sara out of her shirt, the atmosphere thick. She had to ease it. "I just want to take a

moment to be thankful that you're actually wearing a goddamn t-shirt for once. I've only disrobed

you, like twice, but I think I've cumulatively undone thirty buttons to get you topless. This is so much

easier."

"That sentence was almost eloquent," Sara responded in surprise. "It was comprehendible nearly

immediately. It seems I am rubbing off on you, Tegan Rain."

"Rubbing off on me, sure." Tegan grinned. "Rubbing on me, I hope." She waggled brows.

Sara looked seconds away from rolling her eyes, "It seems I have spoken too soon."

The silence fell back over them just as quickly as she had broken it, and Tegan realized this was not a

moment she could ease with jokes. She needed to allow them both to feel this – was it a bond? Was

it affection she felt swelling in her chest? Or was it just excitement that Sara trusted her to do

something new? She wasn't sure, but her hands were shaking no matter the cause.

Sara's eyes were open and unguarded as Tegan unclasped her bra and slipped it from Sara's tight

shoulders. She dropped the blue material on the floor, hoping Sara wasn't annoyed that she didn't

cleanly fold it and rest it on the bedside table, but Sara only smiled up at her with stars in her eyes

and a flush growing over her chest.

Tegan unbuttoned Sara's jeans and moved down the bed to tug the legs off with Sara's help. Her

creamy legs were released, leaving her in only silky white panties. Her legs were bent at the knee,

arousal presenting itself in the form of damp material clinging to her slit. Tegan licked her lips at the

sight, her heart pounding so loudly she was sure Sara could hear it, or possibly see it trying to escape

her body.

She crawled over Sara to rest between her legs, holding herself up above her on her forearms. Their

eyes were locked in an unwavering, silent conversation. Tegan leaned down as Sara craned her neck

up, their lips meeting half way. Their lips smacked softly as Sara's hands traveled beneath Tegan's

top, tugging at it in an obvious hint to rid her of the barrier.

Tegan hurriedly pulled the shirt off her body to please the other woman, tossing it carelessly over

her shoulder. Sara continued to stare up at her through her lashes, gaze penetrating. It slowly

dawned on Tegan what she wanted and just as haphazardly as her shirt had been discarded, her bra

met the floor. Her pants were next, causing Tegan to struggle briefly as the pants caught on her

ankle and Sara giggled when Tegan grumbled a curse when she nearly kneed herself in the face.

Tegan could not help but chuckle as well, only marginally embarrassed by her graceless, overeager

moves. She was now in fair state of dress with Sara in her boy shorts before she remembered her

beanie and threw it off her head and leaned down to slam their grinning lips back together in a quick

kiss.

Sara's hands tangled in Tegan's hair as she traveled down the sharp angle of her jaw. Her kisses were

soft despite her earlier aggression. This was new ground for them, and she didn't want it to feel

rushed and harsh. She wanted Sara to feel pampered and taken care of.

She brushed her lips over Sara's rapid pulse point and trailed down the length of her throat until

every inch had been kissed and traced by the point of her tongue. Sara was breathing heavily

beneath her, eyes shut and lips parted. She was expressing her desire so openly and Tegan's body

responded intensely at the sight. She could barely breathe herself as she dipped her tongue between

Sara's collarbones and scraped her teeth over the soft spot.

She kissed between her breasts, the two buds begging for attention in the air as Sara's chest stalled

and heaved. Her entire body felt like fire, so hot that just being pressed against her skin was causing

Tegan to break out into a sweat. Her chin was pointed heavenward as Tegan flicked one nipple with

her tongue, allowing Tegan the perfect view of her jaw dropping to release a soft whimper. Her neck

was littered in pale pink marks from Tegan's sucking mouth, and Tegan set about decorating her

nipple the same way, enveloping it between her lips and sucking as she rolled her tongue slowly. A

quiet moan fell from Sara's lips as her fingers tightened in Tegan's hair, her back arching into Tegan's

touch.

Tegan scraped her teeth over the sensitive bud, her core jerking as Sara's pulled her hair almost

roughly. Her own nipples brushed Sara's skin as she kissed across the swell of Sara's breasts to give

her neglected nipple the same treatment. Her hand cupped the opposite breast, massaging the

mound gently as her mouth caused Sara's nipple to darken and blush as red as her cheeks.

Sara whimpered, her head tossing to the side on the pillows to meet Tegan's gaze. Her bottom lip

was in a vice grip between her teeth, her eyes begging in ways her mouth refused to. Tegan smiled

against her skin as she descended down her stomach, sucking her skin and tracing her tongue down

the bumps of Sara's obvious bones. She would force Sara to eat a huge meal once she was done

eating.

When she found Sara's pelvis, she dragged her tongue over the clenching muscles. She chuckled to

herself as her lips skimmed over Sara's mound through her underwear. Sara's chest stopped for a

moment too long.

"Breathe." Tegan reminded her softly. As if she was the one who controlled Sara's intake of air, her

chest began to move again instantly.

She spread Sara's legs further with two warm hands on her trembling thighs. Sara's underwear was

in an even messier state than before, wetness glistening against the skin of her inner thighs where it

had seeped out of her panties. Carefully, Tegan trailed her fingers down the patch, watching Sara

swallow thickly, before slipping beneath waistband and tugging her underwear down before

throwing it over the side of the bed.

Sara was watching her anxiously. Tegan closed her own eyes to take in the heavy scent of Sara's

arousal. She took a moment to contain herself from throwing away the idea to go slow and soft and

attacking Sara's dripping folds. She clenched her fists together, short nails piercing in her palms, and

breathed shallowly through her nose as her own pouring wetness made her underwear

uncomfortable.

"Tegan Rain?" Sara called softly.

"Sorry." Tegan's voice was unrecognizable, a mere growl. She opened her eyes to see Sara peering

down at her with worriedly knitted brows. "Sorry, I was just… trying to control myself."

Sara's lips stretched in a smile she bit down on, an understanding lighting her face. And god… she

was so fucking beautiful, all flushed under the yellow sun. Tegan wanted to tell her that, but she had

already expressed such words in the laundry room and it would only sound redundant, falling on

deaf ears as Sara patiently waited for Tegan to get on with it.

Tegan shook herself and pressed her lips against the silken skin of Sara's inner thigh. She kissed

down the goose bumps, wondering if Sara's mother had forced her to permanently rid herself of the

hair she grew there as she did on her mound. But when anger built under her temples, she pushed

those thoughts away and listened to Sara's soft pants as she kissed up the opposite thigh. She sunk

her teeth into the flesh, causing Sara's breathing to let go in a small hiss as Tegan tugged the abused

flesh between her lips. She avoided the wet patch on Sara's thigh, wanting her first official taste to

come from the source.

She was inches from Sara's pussy, coated in a thick layer of wetness that was beginning to form a

small puddle on the bedding beneath her. Her lips were puffy and clit engorged, folds a vivid red.

Her scent was intoxicating, tempting Tegan closer like a beckoning finger and causing her mouth to

water.

She peered up at Sara through her fringe, watching the other woman struggle to breathe as

anticipation tightened her features. The word please did not need to fall from her lips; it was written

all over her unmasked face.

With a smile, Tegan's tongue delicately touched one of Sara's lips, curling to catch the wetness

smeared over the smooth skin. Sara's chest stopped moving while Tegan moaned, fingers digging

into Sara's small waist as her first taste rolled her eyes into the back of her head.

"God," she muttered. No one had ever tasted the way Sara did, slightly sweet and heady in its wake.

She sucked the flavor from Sara's lips, eyes clenched shut. Her hair tickling the bridge of her nose,

she opened her eyes to watch Sara biting her bottom lip, pleading for more through the cracks in her

eyes.

Deciding to be nice, Tegan laid the flat of her tongue on Sara's slit and dragged up in one sweep over

her entire pussy, coating her tongue. Sara's jaw dropped slightly, her head dropping back into the

pillows as she broke eye contact to gape up at the ceiling. Tegan curled her tongue over Sara's folds

and sucked them between her lips, catching every drop falling from Sara's entrance.

Sara murmured a soft sound. Her legs parted even further, pressing her knees near her chest as her

fingers clutched Tegan's hair for dear life. She was so raw, gasps pulling at her lungs while Tegan

familiarized herself with every dip and swollen part of Sara's core, watching closely to see how Sara

reacted to every touch. She wanted to see what Sara liked best and when, but Sara seemed to like

everything at any moment it was given. Her back was in a tight bow, her eyebrows high on her

forehead as her lips were taken in an endless cycle between her teeth only to part with every abrupt,

brief knit to her brows. She looked indescribably gorgeous, sweat coating her pale body as she

allowed herself to be taken the way she had taken so many others.

And then Tegan sucked her clit into her mouth. Everything happened so quickly that for one

disappointing moment, she thought Sara had already come. Her legs closed around Tegan's head. A

high-pitched moan filled the peacefully silent apartment. Her body lurched forward as her hips

jumped forward.

But just as quickly, her legs released their death grip around Tegan's head and she slammed a hand

over her mouth, chest pausing to find some form of self-control again.

The flat of Tegan's tongue soothed her clit in slow circles as her hands forced Sara's hips back down,

not yet ready for Sara to grind against her face. She wanted her to last a bit longer than those

actions would allow. When she was sure Sara would be still, she reached up and forced Sara's hand

from her mouth, shooting her a look of warning when Sara's eyes peeked open.

She sucked Sara's clit, bobbing her head and tugging the engorged button back. Her own wetness

began to slip past the legs of her underwear to trickle down the length of her thighs as she soaked

up every gasp and tiny, restricted moan Sara made against her will.

She wanted Sara to feel it all. She flicked her tongue back and forth over Sara's clit slowly. Sara's

eyes shot open in a glassy and blind stare, "Oh!" Tegan trailed up and down the length of her slit just

as sluggishly, pressing only gentle pressure. "Oh… my…" Tegan rolled her tongue, twirling it on a soft

dance over Sara's clit before tugging it firmly between her lips. "Tegan Rain…"

Tegan almost paused, believing for a split second that Sara was trying to get her attention. She

peered up at her through her fallen fringe, but Sara's eyes were slammed shut and her mouth

dropped open in a small 'o'. Gradually, it hit her. She was moaning her name. Sara was moaning her

name. This was unbelievable progress and it made Tegan's entire body react. Her stomach twisted in

exhilarated knots as she moaned her own response. The vibrations traveled to Sara's body, which

jerked almost violently.

Tegan moaned again, unable to help herself as she felt the buildup of pressure in her own gut

without even being touched. Sara's head dug into the pillows as her hands pushed Tegan further

into her, cutting off her oxygen as she whimpered above her, twisting her fingers through Tegan's

hair.

Sara's clit began to twitch, and Tegan knew she was close. The closer she grew, the longer her chest

stopped. She was no longer moaning, or ever breathing. She went silent – far too silent. She was

trying to find control, and goddamn it if she wasn't finding it. Tegan gave a displeased huff as she

detached herself with strings of wetness clinging to her lips.

Sara's eyes opened to look down at her with cloudy, questioning eyes.

"You're being a bad girl, Sara." she husked. She lifted herself up on her biceps to crawl up Sara's

body until their lips, one pair smeared in fluids and the other puffy from biting, hovered inches apart.

"And only good girls get to come."

"I apologize," Sara breathed airlessly.

"Do you want to come, Sara?" Tegan questioned, taking Sara's bottom lip between her teeth. She

tugged it back, punishing her, before letting it snap back into place.

"I do." Sara breathed with a rather shy nod.

"Are you going to be good?" Tegan pressed her lips underneath Sara's jaw, nibbling on the soft skin.

Sara merely nodded, but that did nothing to appease Tegan who demanded, "Say it."

She pulled back to look Sara in the eye as she hesitated. There was a brief pause, where Tegan let it

be known through the softness of her gaze that she could put an end to this if Sara wanted. She

could shake her head and announce they had to stop; that she would hold her breath if she wanted

and she would not submit to this whim. She was the one in control, despite what it seemed.

But when Sara spoke up, it was not to end anything. Instead, she swallowed audibly and nodded, "I

will be good for you."

Tegan grinned, pressing a chaste kiss to Sara's lips. "Good."

She was quick to find her place between Sara's legs once more, wasting no time to find her clit with

the tip of her tongue. Sara's whole body tightened, her muscles flexing beneath her skin. Her hands

searched blindly for something – Tegan wasn't sure for what until her own hands were being clasped,

fingers tangling in Sara's chilled palms. It felt slightly odd to be holding hands, but Sara was gripping

her fingers so tightly she decided she was searching for something stable to hold her down while she

floated.

Carefully, Tegan dipped lower and slipped her tongue between Sara's folds, pushing her tongue

inside hot walls that clenched around her as Sara gave a broken gasp beneath her. She kept the slow

pace of her tongue, not daring to speed up as Sara began to rock against her open mouth. Her

breathing was short and fast, soft whispers of whimpers catching in her throat. Tegan roamed and

wriggled inside of her with softness that Sara's reactions warranted. Underneath the sun peeking

through the window, while cars zoomed beneath them and people walked to work and ate brunch

with their friends, Sara was opening herself up more than she ever had before. And it was

breathtaking. Her fingers were gripping Tegan's so tightly their bones ground together as she rolled

her hips, forcing Tegan's nose to rub her clit as wetness spilled down her chin and coated her cheeks.

She bobbed her head and fucked Sara with her tongue slowly, her will strong despite the desire to

release restraint to go much faster. She timed the flicks and curls of her tongue as she buried herself

further into Sara's core as her face was ridden and nose squashed until, abruptly, Sara's body arched

further from the bed and froze. "Oh-!"

Her head flew back against the pillows, her legs locking Tegan's head in place as she writhed. Her

body tightened around Tegan's tongue with lightning fast squeezes; she was suspended in the air,

her mind gone from the earth for long, ticking seconds as she was wrapped in euphoria.

Tegan kept up the steady pump of her tongue until Sara relaxed into the bed and released her from

the headlock. Her eyes were still closed and her hands clenching around Tegan's fingers as she

slipped out of her and licked her lips, savoring the memory on her tongue.

There was silence in the air as Sara slowly began to breathe again, the long minutes passing heavily.

Tegan crawled up her body and gently took her hands back to wipe her messy face and rested on top

of her. Sara's eyes peeked open with that same exposed vulnerability as that first night. Tegan

smiled reassuringly, pressing their lips together softly as Sara recuperated.

With a soft sound, they parted. "Pretty rad, right?" Tegan spoke up lowly.

"Yes," Sara agreed with an airy giggle, biting her lip. Her hands reached up to brush Tegan's fringe

behind her ear, her touch gentle. "Will you allow me to return the favor this time?" she whispered.

Tegan grinned. Her entire body was aching with the pulses between her thighs, begging to be

rubbed and eased. She remembered Sara's touch, and she wanted nothing more than to feel it again.

"Hell yeah."

She tugged down her uncomfortably damp underwear. It stuck to her skin and smeared her wetness

down to her ankles. She kicked the messy material onto the bed and allowed herself to be gracefully

flipped over so she was resting against the pillows beneath Sara.

Their lips met as Sara grabbed Tegan's legs, wrapping them around her own waist. Tegan gave a soft

moan as one of Sara's thighs pressed into her core. She began to rock against her steadily, pressing

just the right amount of pressure to cause Tegan's eyes to roll into the back of her head.

Sara sucked Tegan's tongue between her lips, tasting herself as Tegan gasped. The pressure of her

climax was already lurking in her gut, and the small stimulation Sara was giving her was enough to

send fireworks into her veins. She ground herself against the tight muscles in Sara's leg, to which

Sara pressed further against her. Tegan pulled from the kiss to search for air as she cursed, "Fuck,

Sara… I'm so close already, don't tease me." Fire erupted all over her prickling skin as her body

begged for more. She pressed her lips against Sara's ear, surrounded by dampened hair from her

hanging fringe, "I need you inside of me."

Sara leveraged herself on one elbow to trail down Tegan's torso – brushing her neck, dancing

between her breasts, scratching down her clenching stomach, combing through her curls, and

eventually dipping to the flood between her thighs. She brushed her clit before slowly breaching her

with two fingers. Tegan's body invited her inside as she searched deeply through her slick walls. She

ran purposely across the spot that sent shockwaves through Tegan's entire frame before slowly

slipping out before carefully thrusting back into her to circle over that same spot a few times. She

slipped back out and repeated this slow process until Tegan was a shaking and melted puddle, head

cloudy and bones like jelly.

Tegan hugged Sara's cold digits in her own surrounding warmth, clenching tightly with a low moan.

She used Sara's shoulders to fuck herself on Sara's pumping fingers, snapping her hips up to meet

her every move. The bed groaned and creaked in a symphony to Tegan's own raspy cries as Sara

watched her with a small, almost determined smile, and eyes that oozed with something

untouchably tender.

That same odd pressure built in her gut as a familiar rush reached her toes and numbed her brain.

Tegan could no longer think straight. Driven wild, amazing heat was building over every square inch

of her body, dragging up her ankles to rush over her thighs and wave over her chest and head as if

she were in a fiery tsunami. But Sara then doubled the pleasure by pressed her free hand against her

pulsating clit and etching tight circles. Lips pressed into Tegan's neck, kissing her thin skin over

thudding veins. A rough shout close to a scream crawled at Tegan's throat, and some distant part of

her reminded herself she had neighbors, but she no longer cared. She could not breathe. Oxygen

was so far away from her burning lungs as the pressure she now understood zipped and exploded

through her pussy, extending to her fingertips and coursing white-hot lava through her blood while

she hissed through her teeth.

She was vaguely aware of Sara hurriedly slipping out of her as she coated them both and the

bedding with a rush of fluid, but she couldn't focus on anything but the insane, lingering pleasure

ceasing her body off the mattress. She whimpered, piercing her nails into Sara's shoulders. She was

stuck in a pleasant daze for an amount of time that felt like days, her body stuck in that position and

pleasure. Every part of her was tingling with a numbing jolt, even her brain. Sara could send her to a

height she never thought possible. It made her irrational and she had to remind herself that the

skipping of her heart was from exertion, not for Sara herself.

With a soft sigh to ease her lungs, she came back to life enough to feel Sara's soft lips brushing her

cheek as she kept up sweet caresses to her clit. She collapsed back into the bed and Sara's hand

disappeared from her now very tired and over-sensitive clit. "What the fuck?" she gasped, opening

her eyes to see Sara peering down at her with eyes so soft it almost scared her. "How in the fuck do

you do that?"

Sara gave a bashful smile, "Honestly… I'm not entirely sure myself."

"Is it because your fingers are cold? I don't get it. Like… just… wow." Tegan shook her head in

disbelief, laughing. "That is so fucking amazing. Like, it makes me feel insane. Is it going to happen

every time?"

"That is left unanswered as of yet," Sara responded. "I do wish to make you feel as good every time I

touch you, though."

Tegan looked between their bodies. Both of their lower halves were glistening under the sun, the

sheets marring a sizable wet spot in the very middle of the bed. She sighed, "Another thing to put in

the laundry, I guess."

Sara eased off of her to rest beside her on the bed, both trying to catch their breath.

"I'm trying to get up, but my body is like… made of rubber or something." Tegan turned to Sara with

a wide grin.

"Wait," Sara reached down to grab Tegan's wrist as if she were capable of moving. "Do… do not get

up. Can we just… may we just lie here, together, for some time?"

"I mean, sure," Tegan shrugged. "I don't think my body is letting me go anywhere for a while anyway.

I don't know how I'm even forming coherent sentences right now."

A pleased smile brightened Sara's face. She did not release Tegan's wrist, but instead gentled her

hold and brushed her fingers over the bones. Tegan allowed it, if only because she had no choice as

her muscles were made of liquid. But, beyond that, after a mind-blowing orgasm, she felt close to

Sara and wanted to rest in her company. If Sara was feeling the same, as her clasp clued, she was

oddly happy.

"Was Penelope cool with you not reacting to her when you guys had sex?" she asked curiously,

breaking the silence.

"She never voiced disinterest." Sara's voice was bland. "But I do not wish to speak about her."

"Oh, right." Tegan blinked. "Sorry. Is it… is it painful to think of her?"

"No," Sara shook her head and turned to look Tegan in the eye. "But the past is the past. I am not

fond of speaking of an old lover when I am lying in bed with you, Tegan Rain. I am much more

interested in you."

"Oh." Tegan beamed tiredly, oddly satisfied by that response. "Okay. I get that." She found her

bones and rolled onto her side. Sara followed her lead and rolled over so they were facing each

other, lying in wet sheets only inches apart. Sara kept her hold on Tegan's wrist as she smiled softly.

"I find myself wanting to discuss everything in world with you," Sara murmured. Her eyes were

bright and fragile, her cheeks still hot but her hand so cold on Tegan's skin. "I want to hear every

theory you hold about the universe and life. I want to hear about your favorite characters in books

and what it was like for you growing up. I… I want to know all the ends and outs of your entire being."

Tegan chuckled, "Well, ask away. I'll probably just ramble incoherently and bore you, though."

Sara shook her head with conviction, "It is impossible for you to bore me, Tegan Rain. You are

endlessly interesting."

Tegan grinned and opened her mouth to tease her, when a knock sounded on their door. "Tegan!

Sara? Me and Sarah brought you guys these really awesome vegan cupcakes! Can I come in?"

"Geez, Emy, no!" Tegan shouted with a laugh as she hurriedly sat up, detaching herself from Sara's

hold, and searched for her clothes. Her skin was still damp and her core throbbing, so sensitive it

almost hurt to rub her thighs together. She was sure she reeked of sex and her hair was probably

sticking up every which way from Sara's fingers, but her stomach was empty and growling at the

mention of cupcakes and she couldn't really be bothered to care that her friends knew exactly what

she had just been up to. Her body needed replenishing. "I'm indecent!"

"Oh!" Emy's cry was embarrassed, but tainted with knowing laughter. "Oops, sorry! We'll just wait in

the kitchen!"

Tegan grabbed fresh underwear from the dresser and hopped into them before pulling on her

discarded shirt and tugging on a pair of sweatpants. She turned back to the bed to see Sara sitting up,

her head bowed almost dejectedly. "You okay?" she questioned in concern.

Sara looked up at her, eyes shielded in ways they hadn't been only moments before; it was upsetting,

but understandable that she was retreating back into herself. She gave a distant nod as Tegan tried

to flatten her hair. "We can talk about life and universes and all that shit later. I really want one of

those cupcakes and our laundry is probably ready by now anyway."

Again, Sara only nodded. Her eyes evaded Tegan's as she reached down to retrieve her bra from the

floor.

Tegan frowned, "You sure you're cool? You seem, like… sad or something."

"I am fine." Sara responded, voice as withdrawn as her body language. "I… I just-" She bit her lip and

shook her head mostly to herself. When she spoke up again, she sounded more herself, "I merely

wish to indulge in a cupcake as well. I need new underwear, however."

"Oh, here," Tegan turned back to the dresser and grabbed a pair of Sara's underwear, tossing it her

way. "I'll meet you in the kitchen." Sara's eyes dropped to her lap, nodding her agreement almost

meekly as Tegan slipped out of the door in search of cupcakes.

Emy's sharp warning echoed through the halls, "Don't you dare think about touching these until you

wash your hands, Tegan!"


	21. Screeching Halt

Murmured conversation met the morning along with the groaning of a coffee machine as Tegan

stumbled into the kitchen.

She had woken to an empty bed this morning, the sheets beside her smoothed of wrinkles and so

cool that for a moment, Tegan wondered if she had merely imagined that Sara had fallen asleep next

to her. But she remembered Sara's warmth and the scent of vanilla body wash as the bed creaked to

her shuffles in the midst of her dreams. She also remembered the distinct urge to wrap her arms

around Sara's waist and nuzzle the nape of her neck with her nose to catch a whiff of her scent and

feel her skin, along with the exasperated sigh that filled the room as she denied her body that

temptation. She really needed to get a girlfriend to fulfill all of the rising needs to be intimate in

ways that extended far beyond sex before she started clinging to Sara and making them both

uncomfortable. She had never been in a friends with benefits relationship before, but she was fairly

sure if one party became too invested with cuddling, the other one bailed as soon as they could. The

last thing she wanted was for Sara to feel immured.

Shaking the worried thoughts of how Sara would react if she felt caged, she padded into the kitchen

to discover where her bed partner had run off to. She was sitting with Emy at the table, dressed to

her natural perfection of a dark blue button down and trousers held up by a white belt, her hair

falling over her eyes as she nodded to whatever it was Emy was enthusiastically spewing.

Neither woman had noticed Tegan's presence as she took a moment to watch them in the shadows.

Emy's grin was taking over her entire face, flooding through her eyes and pulling at her cheeks as she

spoke, waving her hands in the air to attempted descriptive gestures. She was wearing pajama pants,

her hair pulled into messy ponytail that fell across one shoulder while loose strands fell messily

around her face. Her legs were pulled up to her chest on the chair, her shoulder slumped casually.

Sara sat across from her, straight like a board against the back of the chair. Her hands were clasped

in her lap, delicate ankles crossed underneath the table. Her responses were tainted with an extra,

nervous lisp than she usually spoke with and her words faint under the roll of her breath.

They were yin and yang, so starkly different. Tegan wondered if that's what she looked like next to

Sara.

They represented two different worlds, one light and glowing with a bold heart and the other dark

and yet shadowed by unbelievably soft grays, the heart shy and dim as it hid behind the depths of

darkness. They resented the two parts of Tegan's life; her childhood was engrained with Emy, but

adulthood weaved into Sara. They looked so odd sitting there under the pink morning sky, holding

meaning they couldn't fathom as they giggled over a book Tegan had never heard of.

She looked to Sara, checking to make sure she wasn't too anxious. Her features held a tightness they

didn't with Tegan herself. But she was smiling, her lips tugged sweetly as her eyes danced shyly

between Emy's gesticulating and beaming face behind the thick fan of her eyelashes.

Irrational annoyance was sluggish and heavy in Tegan's temples. She liked being the one Sara

opened up enough to smile that charmingly. It was good that she and Emy were becoming friends,

but Tegan felt that smile was hers. Emy was her best friend, and she would never admit it out loud,

but she didn't want her to receive that special Sara look. She didn't know why she felt possessive of

a fucking smile her friend wore; she could not even begin to explain that, but it tore through her

chest with velocity that baffled her. It was just a smile, she had no ownership over it. It meant Sara

was feeling comfortable enough to be herself. What did it matter who it was directed at?

But even as her mind placated her gnawing irritation, she thundered into the kitchen and dragged

one of the free chairs over the floor with a terrible, intentional screech. "There you are!" she

interrupted their conversation with a bit of self-disgust. She was being a child, but she couldn't stop

herself. "I thought you'd run off or something."

Sara's attention was successfully diverted from Emy to Tegan, her smile unwavering and almost

warming around the edges. "Where on earth did you believe I ventured to, Tegan Rain?" Flushing,

Tegan shrugged. She hadn't really thought that through. "I awoke and you were sleeping quite

soundly. I did not want to stir you. Emily was kind enough to keep me company."

Tegan gave a short hum, sparing Emy only a sideways glance long enough to see her watching the

two of them with squinted eyes. "How are you feeling about today, Sara?" She asked, leaning into

closely into Sara with a wide grin. Sara did not try to escape her breach of personal space, giving a

noncommittal shrug. "Aw, c'mon! Today's the big day!"

"Wait, what big day?" Emy piped up, forgotten on the other side of the table.

"Oh, shit. We didn't tell you? Sara got a call yesterday." Tegan swung an arm around Sara's

shoulders, tugging her closer to shake her tiny frame with a proud beam, "She has her very first job

interview at noon for that restaurant down the street that sells those really fuckin' good

cheesecakes."

"You've got a job interview at Martin's?" Emy asked Sara.

"Yup!" Tegan nodded, speaking up for Sara. "That's the place. Martin's. And she's totally going to

fucking nail it." She squeezed her friend's shoulder, excited for Sara in ways she hadn't even been for

herself when she had her first interview.

Sara did not move from under Tegan's arm as she craned her neck to look her in the eye, their faces

so close that Tegan found herself drifting forward. She was pulled by an anchor, dragging her lips

closer to the tempting pink pair that seemed to part on instinct when Tegan's breath brushed soft

skin, eyes fixed on the tongue that peeked out to wet a pouty bottom lip. She cocked her head to

the side, her fringe brushing the bridge of her nose as she inched forward until abruptly, Sara backed

her head away.

Confused, Tegan lifted her gaze to Sara's eyes that glanced over at Emy before looking back at Tegan

with a look she could read loud and clear: No kissing in front of other people.

Her chest was stinging as she hastily took her arm back and rested her hand in her lap. Sara's soft

hazel eyes were clear blue. The full lips she had been denied thinned and lightened. Pale skin

darkened a tint while a button nose shrunk and lifted. Tegan was looking into the face of rejection.

She was looking at Theresa, glowering while she pointedly shook Tegan's hand from her clasp and

hissed her opposition when Tegan had dared to hold it at a party. She was stewing in the pain of her

endearments being carelessly shrugged away, the hurt in her chest old yet bold in its reappearance.

She was sick of it. So fucking sick of being shrugged off and discarded-

A soft hand touched her knee beneath the table, pulling her from renewed insecurity. She glanced

through a curtain of hair to see Sara's lips pulled into a frown and her eyes gentled. There was an

apology etched in warm, dark eyes that no longer held any trace of sharp blue. It reminded Tegan

that Sara was not Theresa; she was an entirely different being, who was exploring a new world and

was not yet completely comfortable in Emy's presence. She was a person who had been caught

kissing another woman and lost her mother's love as a repercussion, forcing her to fear placing her

lips near anyone else under prying eyes. And, most importantly, Sara was not her fucking girlfriend.

She was her friend and should not warrant such petty hurt when she denied her a kiss.

Embarrassment formed prickling heat on the back of her neck as she sent Sara a small grin, allowing

her understanding to pour through her teeth. "Uh, so… yeah. Are you excited, Sara?"

Concern was still swimming in Sara's eyes. Her hand delicately, and hesitant in its movements,

squeezed over Tegan's knee. Her fingertips brushed her bare skin in soothing circles, erupting

sensations that shot to Tegan's squirming stomach. There was something excited expanding her

chest. But it made her uncomfortable. She feared that the glimpse of Theresa she saw in Sara had

warped her brain and mirrored a false flash of a relationship, tugging at her heart as it yearned for

love. Sara's gentle touch did not help that moment of pathetic wishes. It was too affectionate, too

reassuring and apologetic from her actions. It made her irrational; it made her wish for more. But it

was not sex she was craving.

Hurriedly, she tugged her knee away from Sara's touch, the skin warming instead of cooling when

her fingers disappeared. She peeked through her lashes as Sara's hand hovered above the air

Tegan's knee had occupied before her fingers curled into her palm and drifted to rest in her own lap.

When Tegan looked up, Sara's eyes had fallen to the table and her head bowed as she replied

mechanically, "I am not sure how the possibility of exploring a mundane career could create

excitement."

Guilt stormed in Tegan's gut. She had been teaching Sara how to drift from her shell and warm to

human contact and emotions, yet the moment Sara tried to emote, she was pushed away. She had

surely confused the other woman, who had no idea the whirlwind thoughts brewing in Tegan's mind.

Sara's attempt at breaching open friendliness should not have been shrugged off as coldly as Tegan's

love had been by her ex-girlfriend. She was trying to do what Tegan was asking of her for the

betterment of herself, and it was probably a smack in the face to be shoved away. This was all new

to her, she had no idea how romantic her gesture felt.

Sighing, Tegan placed her hand on Sara's back and rubbed her own silent apology through the thin

material of Sara's button up. "You should be excited. This is the start of everything. It could be your

first job and then you'll get money, and you'll chip into your first thing of rent. It'll be great, Sara."

Confusion was tight in the knit of Sara's brows as she looked Tegan over like a particularly difficult

puzzle. Tegan cracked a small smile in response and felt Sara's back heave in a silent sigh before

easing the tension between her shoulders. Tegan took that as forgiveness. "I suppose it is mildly

thrilling. Not the job itself, but the possibilities."

"Exactly!" Tegan grinned, brushing the covered material of Sara's bra as she took her hand back. "I'll

bike you over there around eleven thirty so you can be early and just hang out and wait. Afterwards,

maybe we can get celebratory ice cre-"

"Uh, Tegan?" Emy piped up. Startled, Tegan jerked at her voice. She had forgotten she was there.

"You can't take Sara today."

"Why not?" Tegan frowned.

"It's August next week." Emy explained slowly, but only cocked her head in response. "All the new

culinary kids come in to visit the school today. You volunteered to help with the set up the little

booths and talk to kids. You even volunteered me to help with the set up since not enough people

did, you dick. Remember?"

"Is that today?" Tegan crinkled her brow, rushing over a mental calendar.

"Yes. We have to leave in two hours."

"Shit. Fuck, you're right. Who will take Sara to her interview?" Tegan turned to Sara, who looked

back at her without answers.

"Sarah can take you," Emy informed Sara, who sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. She wasn't

comfortable with Sarah yet; she barely knew her. "She can drive you and wait around and then take

you back here. It's no problem."

Sara silently looked between Emy's friendly eyes and Tegan's own reluctantly encouraging gaze.

There was hesitance in her eyes as she slowly nodded, "If it is not too much trouble…"

"Nah, it's fine," Emy waved her hand dismissively as she hurried to her feet. "She'll be stoked to

spend more time with you. She wants to get to know you better. I'll go phone her."

"Shit, Sara, I'm sorry."

"That's quite alright, Tegan Rain." Sara responded for the thirtieth time that hour, watching Tegan

knot the old laces of her Converse.

"I volunteered like three months ago, but I really wanted to go and support you." Tegan sighed,

using her fingers as a brush through her hair.

"Sarah's good at support," Emy wrapped her arm around her girlfriend with a smile that took up half

her face as she nuzzled her nose under the giggling woman's ear. "Really good."

Rolling her eyes with a snort, Tegan righted herself. "No one wants to hear how you replace bras for

Sarah's hands, Em."

Sara's eyes widened a fraction at her jest, but Emy threw her head back with a loud guffaw as her

girlfriend gave a saucy wink behind wide framed glasses. "My hands stay where they belong."

"On Emy's boobs?" Tegan smirked.

"Exactly," Sarah reached a hand to tap said chest like one would pat their pet's head. Emy slapped

her hand with a crow of laughter.

Tegan snorted. From the corner of her eye, she could see Sara observing this unfamiliar form of

conversation with curious eyes behind a shield of her mask, slipped on to protect her from the

discomfort she felt. It did nothing to hide her from Tegan, though.

While Emy and Sarah giggled and stumbled into each other with lingering kisses, Tegan stepped

closer to Sara. The tiny brunette was watching their romantic interactions through her lashes,

something akin to longing in her eyes. She remembered Sara saying she had never witnessed two

women kissing before and couldn't help but wonder what was rushing through Sara's mind.

"You're dressed appropriately for a job interview, so don't change." Tegan interrupted whatever

Sara was thinking as she smoothed her fingers over the collar of the other woman's top. It was

already pressed and wrinkle free, but something compelled her to primp Sara as if she needed it.

"You're even a bit overdressed, but that's just how you roll and I think they'll be able to put that

together. Just be yourself and answer all the questions they have like they're not totally stupid and

everything will be fine." She dragged her pointer finger down the length of Sara's torso, trailing

between her breasts and flat stomach before dropping as she met the high waist of her trousers –

not sexual, but as comforting as she could be with an audience.

"Do I shake the interviewer's hand?" Sara asked, her voice quiet as she angled her body away from

the other two women in the room. "Is that what is deemed as appropriate?"

"Yeah, probably." Tegan nodded. "You might do it at the end of the whole thing too. Just watch for

clues, you know? You'll be fine. You're used to formal atmospheres."

Sara nodded silently. She looked towards the quietly talking couple across the room before turning

back to Tegan. Her eyes roamed over her face, a proposition blazing in her eyes. "May I… perhaps…"

She trailed off. Her lips were pursed and unsure.

"You know you don't have to be shy to ask me anything, Sara." Tegan comforted her, stepping

another inch closer so she could smile towards Sara's evading eyes.

Sara breathed in a slow inhale, "May I kiss you before you go?"

Her heart skipping and her smile softening around the edges, Tegan lifted Sara's chin with one curled

finger. Their lips were only a hair breadth away, and she could see every individual eyelash flutter as

Sara blinked. Was this an apology for jerking from her advances earlier? Or perhaps it was just a

shove towards openness of her sexuality in front of people whom she was not involved with. Either

way, Tegan was unbelievably proud of her. "Just for the record, you never have to ask me

permission for that," she informed lowly. Sara's mouth twitched into a small smile before it was

captured in a soft, lingering hold by Tegan's own lips. It was chaste, but warm. It made Tegan's blood

rush as she pulled back, blinking nearly as dazedly as Sara did. "Good luck, handsome."

Sara's stupefying smile was badly concealed by her bitten bottom lip as she gave a girlish giggle,

"Thank you, Tegan Rain."

Tegan grinned. She was well aware of Emy and Sarah's presence, so her next words were whispered

in Sara's ear, "You're gonna kill it. Don't be nervous, you'll do great. I have my fingers crossed for

you." She was positive Sara would not want the loud acknowledgement of her nerves to the people

she was trying to be seen as an everyday person to, but the encouragement needed to be said. She

had to let Sara know she was there for her; she hoped it eased the anxiety in Sara's brow.

She inched away from Sara's pinkened ear, poking her on the tip of the nose with a grin. "I want to

hear all about it when I get back." She caved in to temptation and kissed Sara quickly, heart

fluttering when she didn't pull away. Not wanting to overstep any boundaries, she slowly broke the

kiss and stepped away. "See you later, Sara."

Sara gave a simple nod, but her eyes blinking with stars as Tegan turned away and made her way to

Emy. Her best friend's eyebrows were high on her head, her arms crossed over her chest.

"What?" Tegan asked as they walked through their front door and approached the elevator.

"Good luck, handsome." Emy parroted Tegan's words back to her in an exaggeratedly low voice,

smirking widely as she mocked her.

"What?" Tegan repeated, shrugging. "She's… she needs it and she is handsome. She needs to hear it

from someone."

"From you especially." Emy muttered as the elevator doors dinged and slid open.

"Huh?"

Emy rolled her eyes as she sighed with exasperation Tegan didn't understand, "Nothing, Romeo."

The school was buzzing with the energy of the unknown, new students gazing with wide and fresh

eyes. Tegan spoke to enthusiastic, young faces with sweat clinging to her brow. Their energy was

buzzing, lighting her own passion for what they were all there for in her gut. It made her want to go

home and hoard herself in the kitchen, concocting anything that peaked her interest. Absently, she

wondered if she could get Sara to be her taste tester. Her mind was full with images of standing

between Sara's open legs where she was settled on the counter, accepting soft cakes and crispy

chicken with soft giggles and begrudging praises. She spoke distractedly to her new classmates as

she pondered what major Sara would take if she started school. She seemed to know a lot about art,

so perhaps she would take that as her branch to study. Yet, she was so intelligent and loved books,

so maybe an English major. Perhaps she would surprise everyone and do something totally

unexpected, like drama.

She was still lost in her thoughts as she walked outside with Emy during their late lunch break. She

chewed distractedly on a corn dog as she sent a text to Sara asking how her interview went. She

hoped Sara could figure out how to respond. She was on pins and needles, eager to hear if she

thought it went well. She hoped to get a play-by-play of every detail in person in a few hours.

"Dude, where the hell are you today?" Emy interrupted her thoughts. She sucked on the end of a

blue straw, the air and soda mixing in a rumble through the tube. "You've been quiet for ten minutes.

That has to be a record."

"Fuck off," Tegan's chuckle was muffled around a bite of food, "I was just thinking about Sara."

If a sound could be sassy, the huff of breath Emy emitted exceeded that. Her straw caught by her

teeth, the sound whistled and echoed in Tegan's ears as she turned to her with a raised brow,

"What?"

"It's just… of course you're thinking about Sara." Emy rolled her eyes. "I should've guessed."

"Why do you say it like that?" Tegan questioned around a mouthful of sweetened bread and meat.

Emy's ponytail whipped in the wind as she lifted her head to look Tegan in the eye. The chatter of

the outdoor fast food restaurant they had chosen to visit was sparse and soft, so she had Tegan's full

attention as she asked, "Is this whole thing an act of denial or are you really not getting it? Like, are

you actively trying not to realize these things or is it just not registering?"

"Huh?" Tegan blinked. "Register what? Denial of what? You just started in the middle of a sentence,

dude."

"Just guess. I want you to really think about it." Emy was speaking to her as if she was slow, her

words exaggeratingly enunciated. "What do you think I'm talking about?"

Scrunching her brow, Tegan rested her elbows on the table and searched her brain for any hints.

"I'm guessing it has to do with Sara? But I don't know what it is or why."

A low, heavy sigh filled the air. Emy's face was furrowed with frustration as she looked out to the city,

watching clusters of strangers rush across streets and cars zoom by on their own destinations. The

wind caught her hair, a brown fire swaying in the breeze. "Tegan," she turned to her, eyes serious.

All traces of anything playful or teasing had disappeared. It made Tegan uneasy. "The only other

person who thinks about a Sara as much as you do is me."

"What're you talking about?" Tegan chuckled rather nervously.

"Obviously I don't know Sara like I know you. I don't know her well enough to speak for her, and she

agreed to this whole arrangement between you two so she obviously has her reasons, but… I know

you, Tegan. Be honest." Emy peered into her eyes as if she were searching for answers to a question

Tegan didn't know; as if she were an oracle with knowledge she didn't actually have. "When you

look at Sara, do you seriously just see a friend?"

Thrown off, Tegan stared blankly at her. She wasn't expecting that question. Something lodged its

way in her throat and she gulped down icy and still bubbling Coke, but it did nothing to ease the

tightness. She cleared her throat, "Why… why would you ask me that?"

"Tee, listen." Emy tucked loose strands of hair behind her ear and sighed. She had that calculating

look in her eye. Tegan had seen it a dozen times. She was planning out what she wanted to say,

structuring her sentences in the best form to execute her thoughts without pushing them on Tegan

or hurting her feelings. It made her spine tight, afraid of what would be said. "When you first told

me about this whole fuck buddy thing with Sara, I thought… good. This is something new and

exciting that will open up a whole new world. You… you've never had anything like this and I thought

it might do you some good, especially after Theresa's shit storm." Tegan frowned, but her heart did

not flinch at the mentioning of the blonde. "I thought maybe you would open up to love again and

eventually find a great girl and have Sara as your second best friend or something. But then I met

her."

Defense rose and locked in Tegan's chest, "Are you about to tell me you don't like Sara? Because if

you are, I'm really confused and a little pissed off-"

"No." Emy's voice was strong, demanding attention. Tegan shrunk into her seat, mind racing. "No,

the exact opposite actually."

Horror ripped through Tegan's chest. She leaned over the table, eyes wide, "Oh my god. Emy… do

you… Are you telling me you like Sara?"

"No. Jesus." Emy rolled her eyes. Her fingers flinched against her Styrofoam cup as if she was

resisting the urge to reach across the table and slap Tegan over the head. "Calm down. It's not that

at all. Just let me talk."

Tegan scowled at the demand, but sucked her lips into her mouth and mimed zipping them closed.

Emy chuckled, but it diminished as she spoke up, "When I met Sara, I was shocked. I was expecting

someone detached and bratty from what you told me about her. Instead, I met this very intelligent

and... impossibly gentle woman who looks at my best friend like the sun shines out of her ass."

Tegan didn't even try to put reason as to why her cheeks flamed and her chest swelled at those

words. "So then I started to worry about Sara because- well, I won't get into what I think about

Sara's feelings, but I worried maybe you weren't giving her what you should be because over the

phone, you didn't seem thrilled by her. But, Tegan, I know you. I've seen you in love a million times. I

see the way you interact with her and I've never seen you treat someone as carefully and caringly as

you do Sara. Now I'm starting to think this friends with benefits thing is fucking you up and allowing

you to ignore the truth, and that's not healthy."

"What're you… what are you saying?" Tegan's voice was faint, her heart pounding. Pressure lurked

under her temples. Nothing was making sense and a tornado was picking apart Emy's words until

they were destroyed and lurking with eerie overcast.

"Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you think of Sara the same way you think of, like…

Hayley? Like, just a friend who you think is attractive."

"Well, for one thing… Hayley is straight." Tegan murmured. She didn't like the path this conversation

was heading down. It was making her sweat, even under the shade and a hefty breeze. She didn't

know why.

"Fine… fucking- Leisha, then." Emy offered the alternative with an annoyed twist to her lips.

"Well. I mean… no. I don't." Tegan admitted, brushing her hair from her eyes as she dropped her

corn dog on her paper plate. She was suddenly no longer hungry. "But… that's just because… you

know. Sara's, like…" Tegan trailed off, unable to find the proper word in her jumbled mind. Sara just

was. That's what made her special, there were no extra words necessary. Everyone could see it, she

needed no explanation.

"You can seriously sit here and tell me Sara is just a buddy? Just someone who you want to pal

around with and occasionally have sex with? There are no feelings there at all?" Emy leaned over the

table. Tegan backed further into her chair. "When she's around, you feel totally normal? When she's

not around and something reminds you of her, nothing weird happens to your body? Your heart

does totally friendly things?"

"I…" Tegan swallowed. It was all friendly, she urged her lips to say. Despite the sexual upheaval,

everything was totally platonic. Sara was cool and that was it. Her brain and mouth were not linking

up, keeping the words stuffed in the back of her brain. Silence didn't help her case.

"Look, I'm not going to say you're in love with her, but… if you were, I wouldn't be surprised." Emy

sat back and took a sip of her soda. Her shoulders were relaxed, as if she had just released a heavy

weight. But she had transferred it all to Tegan's suddenly stiff back.

"In… love? In love with Sara? Me?" Her words were choppy, the air escaping her lungs. Those were

not small words with little implications. They were strong and serious; too strong and impossibly

serious. She gasped, "What?"

"You tell me, dude." Emy shrugged, as if she had not just rocked Tegan's perception and knocked the

breath out of her.

"I'm not!" she cried, horrified by those accusations. Sara was her friend. She wasn't in love with her.

She couldn't be in love with her.

"Okay." Emy shrugged again, but it was unbelievably irking.

"I'm not." Tegan reinforced with strong conviction through gritted teeth.

"Okay." Emy replied once more, but the word was painted with something condescending and

disbelieving. It lit flames in Tegan's chest.

"I can't be in love with Sara, Emy." Tegan rushed to explain, clenching her fists together. Even saying

the words 'love' and 'Sara' in the same sentence made her feel dizzy and scared. She wanted to run

away, but she was stuck in her brain and she could not forget this conversation.

"You can't be or you aren't?" Emy removed the plastic lid of her drink to push ice cubes around with

her straw, "Because those are two very different things."

"Uh, both." Tegan ran a hand over the back of her neck and nodded more assuredly, "Yeah, both."

"Why can't you be? What's not to love about Sara?" Emy held up her finger and began to tick off a

list of things that made Tegan's heart pound harder and harder with each word, "She's totally sweet,

fucking cute, funny, and intelligent. She treats you well and smells pretty good. She's gentle with you

in a way that I think you need in your life after all your heartbreak-"

"Stop. Emy, stop." Tegan held up a hand to pause her best friend's praise. Her body felt as if it were

wrapped in suffocating heat as her stomach jerked and churned. The reaction made her nervous.

What the fuck was going on? She didn't love Sara. "It's not that. It's… I can't love her because she'll

never-" Everything went to a screeching halt.

I can't love her because she'll never love me back. The words were stuck on her tongue, frozen and

heavy. Why was that a thought in her mind? Why would she even think such a thing? It was about to

come out so easily, as if she had carried the worry on her mind for excruciatingly ticking ages,

plaguing her with the knowledge that Sara's heart could never be hers.

'Love me back'? To have one love you back, you had to harbor such feelings. She tried to shove it

away as a form of a sentence and nothing more, but for indescribable reasons and a heavy heart…

she couldn't. She could not avoid the meaning in her own unexpected thoughts.

Emy cocked her head with concern, "What is it, Tee?"

"Nothing." Tegan muttered distantly. Her heart ached. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Shit, I'm sorry." Emy sighed. She reached across to table to grab Tegan's hand, her fingers warm

and so different from Sara's touch. Tegan swallowed hard. "I didn't mean to make you, like… upset

or whatever. We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

"I, um," Tegan shook herself. She was overreacting. Being dramatic. Just entertaining the idea was

crazy. She forced a chuckle and took her hand back, "It's fine. I'm just, you know… it's weird. I don't

love Sara. That's crazy. But it's whatever."

Emy hummed, retracting her hand with a slow nod. Tegan's phone lit up with a message of Sara

looking hesitantly on the bright side about her interview, her words long and explanation full of self-

doubt. It hurt to know Sara was regarding herself with such a terrible outlook, but amongst the pain

she felt was a hefty stammer in her heart's beats when she caught sight of Sara's name on the

screen. Terror was thick and cold in her blood while her mind tried to excuse the overwhelming

emotions brewing in her chest with words of platonic affection; the shrugging off of her heart's swell

had never been so difficult.

But why? Was her mind simply reacting to Emys questions by placing romance into the actions she

never thought twice about in regards to Sara? Or had she taken away something Tegan clung to with

desperate, white knuckles to leave her bare and cold to the truth? Her reasons of her rushing

emotions suddenly seemed lame and pitiful, even in her own brain as it rushed stacked up mumbled

thoughts of 'I'm just excited for her' and, the worst one that followed up every individual excuse,

'Sara's my friend.'

One day ago the implications of Sara being a friend would not sound so worthy of a scoff. Not even

twenty minutes ago would it have. But suddenly she was remembering the way her arms had ached

to wrap around Sara's waist last night, to snuggle her nose into the back of her neck and rest in her

soft scent. Her palms went numb and tingly. Just that memory caused her nose to catch a whiff of

Sara's cologne as if she were standing right beside her and the wind was catching her clothes,

billowing in the breeze and evading Tegan's senses. It made her head cloudy, but Sara wasn't even

here. She had felt this all before when she thought of Sara; it wasn't new.

But now it made sense.

Dread erupted in Tegan's gut. A blindfold was being ripped from her eyes, exposing sensitive retinas

to sharp brightness she did not want to see. She clawed for the material to hide over her eyes once

more, but it disappeared into thin air. It happened so quickly, but suddenly the world felt different.

Everything felt different except for her. She was in the same state she had been (For how long? How

long had this been happening? How could she not have noticed?), but she could see it now. The

truth was staring her in the face, a sinister curl to its lips as it tossed her with careless ease in front of

an oncoming train. She was stumbling into the railroad, unprepared, when she was struck with the

hardest of blows to her chest. She had been hit and there was no turning back. She couldn't be

saved. It was much too late.

"I'm going to refill my drink." Emy was changing the subject for her sake, eyes still lurking with

questions. She stood with a soothing pat to Tegan's back, but it did nothing to ease her mind.

Oh, god. This couldn't be happening. Tegan rested her forehead on her open palm and squeezed her

eyes shut against the rise of the contents in her stomach lodging thickly in her throat.

What had Emy done?


	22. Nowhere To Run

Emy had created irrevocable damage. She had been so clever, approaching the epiphany that rocked

Tegan's brain with the knowledge of exactly which words to use. She knew just where to hit Tegan

the hardest, holding a mirror up to her face so she could finally see the glaringly obvious truth.

Tegan was hopelessly in love with Sara Clement. It consumed her, Sara was inside of her. She was in

her blood. Sara was a fresh type of love, one Tegan had never experienced. Her first glance to Sara's

existence had not overwhelmed her entire being. It had not soared through her skin and etched its

mark with a familiar pen declaring devotion and desire over the most vital parts of her body. Not

even tolerance had invaded her mind for the small woman, whispering soothing promises of one day

feeling more in her ear. Sara's presence had corrupted Tegan's morals with irrational hatred and

tainted her inner workings until she had come to hate herself and regard herself with a disappointed

shake of the head. How had she drifted so far from one end of the shaded spectrum to the complete

opposite side?

Of course, she knew that answer. It had been Sara. The real Sara, who let herself be raw and

vulnerable – the Sara whose smile had grasped Tegan's heart and run away with it before she even

knew to chase after it. She had not fallen for Sara upon first meeting because she hadn't really met

her; she had met the Sara who had to pretend to survive in that suffocating house that didn't even

dare to call itself a home. The moment she had been exposed to Sara, she had fallen so hard she

didn't even fucking notice. It was all so clear now, as if the dust had been brushed aside and the

truth was polished and squeaky clean. After she had caught a glimpse of Sara during the hit of such

harsh words it had broken Sara's mask, she had been obsessed to see it again. She had searched for

it, forced it back out, and softened up to it quicker than a snap of fingers. She had followed Sara

around like the puppy she had been equated to be by dozens of others in the past, forcing her

company until it was tolerated and desired. There was nothing different about the way she had

approached Sara with her love, except her realization that she was doing it at all.

She had been such a fool, sniffing Sara's cologne and watching her while she slept. She had ignored

the clues of her heart's continuous stutter and flutter. She had excused the swell in her chest and

excitement at the mere mention of Sara's name. And now, with the crashing realization crushed

under her palms and stuck beneath her fingernails, she knew why.

She didn't want to be in love. That within itself was hard for her to wrap her head around. She ran

after love with eager feet and hurried breaths. The sight made her eyes see brighter; the head

numbing delight charged static elation in her entire body. She could feel it in her body now, the

streaming warmth she had been denying the existence of for so long. She wanted it gone. She didn't

want to feel it. She wished so desperately that she could be as blind as she had been only one day

ago. She was scared to be in love, with Sara especially. Terrified. Only mere hours ago, love had been

a wish; a hope. But now that she felt it in her heart and soul, and even worst, her mind… she wanted

it gone.

Her love could destroy everything. She could be disastrous, tearing apart the fabric of their

friendship until there was nothing left but a tarnished future that once looked so gentle and bright.

She didn't want to lose Sara. God, she couldn't lose her. Just the idea of being absent from her - no

longer catching her sweet giggles or hearing her aggravatingly long words - made her grip her

panging heart as if Sara was walking away from her already. She had only been in her life for a

month and a half, but already it would be missing something huge and important if Sara left. She

needed her in her life and that was why she had to be quiet about this love. Not chasing after her

heart's desire was foreign and made tears prickle at her eyes, but it had to be done. Sara was more

important than possibly anyone she had ever been in love with. It was so strong and unbelievably

intense after only twenty four hour of knowing it existed, so she had to make this sacrifice. She had

to be silent. If Sara knew what lurked in her mind…

It hurt to face the undeniable truth that Sara would reject her. She had been rejected so many times

and broken up with even more often, but she couldn't handle it with Sara, who had voiced her idea

that love was nonexistent. Even if she could convince her the opposite, she would end up throwing

her into the arms of another. She lit the image Sara with another person, loving them in ways she

would not Tegan, on fire and reminded herself to never entertain the idea again.

Sara would never love her. She could never make Sara love her. She was not on her level; Sara was

dancing in the clouds while Tegan was stuck beneath thick mud. She was so impossibly beautiful,

causing everyone else to look haggard no matter how appealing they realistically were. She was

innocently gentle in ways Tegan would only corrupt and taint if she got too close. Her brain was

developed and strengthened in ways Tegan could not fathom, withholding extensive knowledge of

things Tegan did not understand - She wanted to learn. She wanted Sara to teach her. How long had

she wanted that?

She was lucky Sara was out of her mind crazy and offered the smallest dose of intimacy with her

through sex. Why, though? Why was she allowing this? It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense.

She felt like she was out of her body. Yet, simultaneously, she felt more herself than she had in

months. Everything made convoluted sense.

Her brain hurt. It was swollen with looping thoughts that mingled together in a tight clump at the

forefront of her exhausted brain until finally, she snapped. There was only one thing left to do now.

The rain that fell from the afternoon sky was hot, the air humid and thick under full gray clouds. City

walkers with wide umbrellas and hooded jackets rushed down the darkened pavement, steaming

and emitting the familiar scent of summer rain. Gravel was painted in the scent of freshly mown

grass while the rain pelted against rooftops and dripped down drains in hefty trickles.

The white door, vaguely chipped with age, cracked open and Tegan offered a tired smile.

"Hi, mum."

The sight of her mother's gracefully aging face warmed the sluggish beats of her heart. Dark hair

straightened and bangs tangling in eyelashes that blinked in surprise at the sight of her only

daughter, she looked her over. Tegan was sure she was quite the state, her coat drenched in

drizzling raindrops and eyes full of distractions, decorated in heavy black bags. "Tegan!" Sonia's

voice held nothing but thrill as she widened the door with a bright smile, "Come in! Why didn't you

tell me you were coming?"

"Sorry," Tegan murmured. She stepped inside and dried her boots on the blue mat at the entrance

as she shed her wet coat on the rack. The scent of home was thick in the air, an indescribable

relaxation of memories and fabric softener. "I probably should've phoned, I just…" Her voice caught

with emotion she couldn't mask. She shook her head and pursed her lips that threatened to quiver,

running a hand through her damp hair.

There was something about her mother that evoked overflowing emotions. She always went running

to mommy the moment the goings got tough, needing to hear her soothing voice give well thought-

out advice. She needed her shoulder to cry on, as it had the most emotional padding and genuine

comfort. Just the sight of her caused the despair and confusion Tegan had been bottling up for the

past day to form a large lump in her throat, stripping her of her steely fight to hold back her tears. It

made her want to let go. She wasn't sure if that was something deeply psychological where the

connection of her mother's womb and her own long ago cut cord reconnected to be as free with her

emotions as she had been as a baby. Or possibly it was merely the bond they had formed

throughout Tegan's life, never leaving each others side when things were at their worst, and

rejoicing in happy days.

No matter the cause, tears were already blurring her vision of cream walls and dark carpet as she

kicked her shoes off and buried her socked toes into the plush floor and sniffled. She shook her head

and apologized once more, no longer knowing if it was for her tears or her unannounced visit.

"It's fine, sweetheart," Her mother's hand was warm against her back, brown eyes brimming with

worry. "Why don't you go sit in the living room and I'll go make you something warm to drink. It's

raining like crazy, isn't it?"

Tegan only nodded. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand as she shuffled down the hall of

the cozy home, head bowed and hands stuffing into her pants pockets. Her bum landed on the

couch before she registered it was there, feet guiding her through the familiarity while her brain was

gone and eyes watery. She melted into the welcoming cushions, the muscles in her back easing into

the tan material. The room was trying to soothe her with photos of herself as a teenager, looped in

the arms of old friends and her mother's own proud beam on her day of graduation. The walls were

littered with pubescent embarrassment, trying to make her laugh with cringe-worthy haircuts and

odd clothing choices.

But instead tears dribbled down her chin as it made her think of Sara's photos at the mansion, her

back as stiff as her lips and eyes cold. Yet Sara had smiled so easily for the photo they took together

on the side of the street after buying her first cell phone, eyes twinkling as Tegan all but spooned her

from behind, grinning so hard it should have been obvious what she was feeling. Her heart had been

deceiving their friendship from day one and she hadn't even noticed.

The kitchen bumped with noises and microwave beeps as Tegan's eyelashes grew wet and cheeks

marred with a flush and river. She didn't try to wipe them away and attempt to hide the break in her

heart as her mother appeared, holding a cup of hot chocolate in a bright yellow mug.

She handed it over in silence, which Tegan gratefully accepted with instantly heated palms. She took

a sip, tongue coating in heated milk and sweet chocolate as she lowered the mug to sit on her thigh.

"Where's Bruce?" Her voice was hoarse.

"He's out at work still. Shouldn't be back for a few hours." Her mother brushed her overgrown fringe

from her eyes and placed it behind her bent ear, smiling softly. Tegan grimaced in return. "So what's

her name, Tegan?"

Rumbling thunder vibrated the walls as Tegan tucked her chin to her chest. The knowing tone in her

mother's voice was not unexpected. In fact, Tegan would have been shocked if her mother could not

see the obvious written all over her tear-stained face. This was not the first time she had rushed to

her comfort after facing her heart's truth, and she could guess it wouldn't be the last.

Sighing, she reached forward and sat her mug on the coffee table, placing it carefully on a coaster

before sitting back and pulling her knees to her chest. She watched her toes wiggle through yellow

and gray stripped socks that hugged her ankles. It was only then that she realized these were not her

socks, but Sara's. She had rushed so quickly to dress and get to her mother that she had grabbed

anything in their shared drawer. Fresh tears welled in her eyes and she turned her head away,

swallowing thickly. "Her nam-" Her voice was cracked as she tried again, "Her name is Sara."

"Sara," Her mother nodded. Hearing Sara's name on her mother's lips made it all so real. She had

withheld any information about her, kept her all to herself. But now she was out there, and she

wasn't Tegan's anymore. That shouldn't make her so sad because Sara had never been hers to being

with and she was a person, one who needed to be out in the world, but fuck- it did.

"Sara." Tegan agreed quietly. She peered up at her mother through a haze of tear and sobbed

through wobbly lips, "I'm so in love with her, mum."

"Of course you are," Her mother was teasing her hesitantly, a fond grin on her face as she brushed

through the hair on Tegan's scalp. "So why do you look so sad?"

Tegan dug her knuckles into her wobbling chin before fiddling with the last button of her flannel

with anxious fingers, unable to stop twitching. She shook her head. "We're- we can't… We're friends!

We're friends and- god, mum, it's so solid. We're so solid. And she… she is so, like… she's fragile.

She's so fucking fragile and we're so solid as friends and I can't-" She bit her bottom lip in an abusing

smash of teeth to end her wails.

"You can't what?"

Tegan threw her hands up in the air, "I can't! I can't ruin it. I can't do what I do, you know? I can't

chase after her and win her affection for a few years before she gets bored of me and realizes she

can do so much better and leaves me to miss her for the rest of my life! I can't chase her and that's-

that's so hard. That's what I do. That's my instinct. Run after her until she loves me back, you know?

But she won't." She dropped her madly waving hands back to her lap and ran an open palm down

her face to catch the wetness itching her skin. "She won't love me. She can't love me."

"Tee, why would you say that? Why can't she love you?" Her mother's fingers twirled through her

hair and peered with wonderment.

"She just can't." Tegan mumbled. There was no fight in her. "She's- you don't get it, mum. She's so

fucking… she's indescribable. She's this fucking amazing person, like… she's so strong even though

she looks so weak. Like, she's so small and gentle, but emotionally she is so strong. She's been

taught to hate herself, but she tries so hard not to even though it's like, ingrained in her… and it- it

just makes me so in awe of her." She closed her eyes tight and felt warm tears trickle past her

barrier. She was babbling now, a stream of consciousness her mother wasn't daring to stop as she

spewed every thought she had once thought was friendship but now understood so much clearer.

"She owns so many books it's like she has a library. She's so fucking smart and she uses all these

words I don't understand, but she doesn't… she doesn't make me feel like a dumbass for not getting

it. She talks like no one I've ever met, like… not her voice, but the way she sets up thoughts. And

she's so quiet and sweet and she has this fuckin' smile. But she's so self-deprecating and unsure of

herself and then she opens herself up a little and… wow." Tegan dropped her chin on her open palm

and looked blindly at the flickering television. "And not to mention, fucking beautiful. Like, so

beautiful it almost makes me angry. She's so goddamn beautiful and she was there. She was there

the whole time and I didn't get it. But now I get it and I don't want to get it."

"Well." Her mother sat up straighter and blinked a few times as she allowed every word to sink it.

She brushed her fingers through her own graying bangs and chuckled almost disbelievingly. "Well,

wow. I haven't heard you talk about someone like this in a really long time. Possibly ever, actually.

Those are some strong feelings, sweetheart."

Tegan heaved a sigh, "I know."

"What do you mean that you didn't see it?" Her mother gave a small grin, "Was it not love at first

sight?"

"Not even close." Tegan snorted. "I hated her. I really hated her when we first met."

"When did you meet?" Sonia's thin brows knitted curiously. "I don't remember you mentioning a

Sara that isn't Emy's Sarah."

Tegan chewed on her piercing. Peering outside, she watched the rain wash over the windows as

sparks of yellow light flashed in the clumped gray clouds. "It's Sara… Clement. The daughter of the

people I was working for." Tegan turned to her, fear tight in her throat. "Please don't be

disappointed, mum."

"Why would I be disappointed, Tee?" Her mother frowned, "You can't help that she was their

daughter."

"It's… there's more than that." Tegan dropped her forehead against her knees. She couldn't look at

her mother's face when she admitted the truth. "Mum," her voice was muffled, but audible under

the thunder. "When I say that I hated her when we first met, I mean I was awful to her. And- god,

there's so much to tell you."

"Go ahead, Tegan. I'm not rushing you." Her hand was on Tegan's back, rubbing slow circles. "We

can sit here and talk all night if you want."

"I've got to get back to- Well, I have to go home in at least an hour. I just…" Tegan lifted her head

and rubbed her temples. Her nose was clogged and her head ached as fresh tears built behind her

eyes. She sighed. "I'll just start from the beginning. Okay, so… I met their butler, Martin, the moment

I got there, right? But then I met Sara and she seemed so… cold and so up her own ass." Tegan shook

her head with a low, sad chuckle. She had been so wrong. "But I thought she was cute. Like, I kind of

became obsessed with how attractive I think she is. She was so witty and would make all these little

comments and I would get so… pissed off and want to yell at her, but I couldn't because of who she

was. She was driving me crazy, but I was also so into how she looked."

"That doesn't sound like you," Sonia observed cautiously.

"I know." Tegan muttered. "It was making me feel really shitty because it just isn't how I am. I hated

her, but I wanted to kiss her and I hoped that would make her shut up. But – and this is when it gets

crazy – her birthday happened a few weeks later. And her family had this huge party. That was the

day I found out her parents were terrible. They know Sara is gay, but they had set up this whole

thing where this dude proposed to Sara and took away all her glory of a birthday. She looked so tiny

up there and then… she said no." Sonia's eyes widened a fraction and Tegan chuckled, "I know.

Everyone freaked out and started whispering so I left and took some wine with me. I ended up

getting a little tipsy out by their pool and then Sara showed up and… we kissed."

Like a teenager listening to gossip at lunch time, her mother gasped. Excitement sparked in her eyes

as she giggled, "You kissed?"

"Yeah." Tegan laughed at her mother. "And it was pretty awesome, but she was drunk." Her

mother's laughter died as Tegan's heart dropped. "She was drunk and needed comfort, so we kissed.

So I woke up the next day and felt horrified because I worked for her parents, you know? I was

unprofessional. So, she and I bumped into each other and she was upset because her mum told her

she was kicking her out for being gay-"

"That poor girl." Her mother tsked, sympathy deepening the depths of her eyes.

"I made it even worse. She was looking to me for comfort, but… I totally blew her off. So she got

defensive and hurt my feelings by calling me unattractive," Tegan paused. The old wound was ripped

open as she wiped away new tears. "So then I got really pissed off and I told her all these terrible

things… I told her she was unlovable. And I meant it. I really felt like that in that moment and so I

said it and… it hurt her feelings so much. I could see it, like really see how much I had hurt her. I had

never been able to see any emotion in her, but then I did and I became obsessed with it. I realize

now that it was then that I fell in love with her, but I didn't see it then. That's so creepy. I fell in love

with her when I hurt her feelings. I'm a creep. That's so fucked up, but I did. So then I started

following her around and getting her to forgive me and we ended up being friends."

"That's not so bad-"

"There's more." Tegan interrupted, looking away to peer outside once more. "We were getting

along and talking. So when I heard her mum tell her she didn't love her and that she had to leave

their house in a few days, I went out to comfort her. And I don't know how it happened, but I ended

up offering her to come stay at my apartment with me and Emy. And then… she was kissing me

again and I didn't stop her and… mum, we… Sara and I started up this sort of… friends with….

benefits thing."

There was a beat of silence. Tegan held her breath. "You offered your apartment?"

Tegan blinked. She turned her head around so fast she feared whiplash. "Did you hear what I said? I

said Sara and I have been having emotionless, like… emotionless-" She was floundering, not wanting

to say the words out loud to her mother.

"I heard you." Her mother smiled. "It's out of character for you and slightly surprising, but you're

young. We all do crazy things when we're young. I am concerned that you're hurting yourself by

doing that with someone you don't think loves you back, but… we all do things we're not proud of in

order to get closer to the person we want most. It's human nature. But I am interested in the fact

that you offered your place for her. That was very sweet of you."

"She's staying in my room with me."

"Oh." Blinking, the elder woman let this information process with a slow nod, "She took up the

offer?"

"She had no other option. She was going to be homeless." Tegan sniffled, wiping her runny nose. "I

couldn't let that happen."

"She's lucky to have you in her life," With a motherly smile and a pat to Tegan's back, Sonia

appraised her. "That was very kind of you. You always were such a sweet girl." She brushed Tegan's

rebellious fringe from her eyes. "Maybe you should bring your feelings up to her. You live together

and… everything else. You're good friends, right? Maybe you just need to talk."

"No." Tears sprung in her eyes all over again and her lips twisted as she gave a rough sob, "No, I

can't lose her, mum. She'll leave, maybe not physically, but… I can't. She doesn't believe in love and

I'm not going to be the one to make her. I'm not the one for her. I love her to the point it's scary

because… I've never been willing to sit back and be quiet for the sake of a friendship. But I have to

with her because I need her. I need her in my life and she's only willing to give me friendship and I'll

take that. That's enough for me."

"Sweetheart, why would she not like you? If she's allowing you to kiss her then why can't she like

you too?"

"She's, like… she's out of my league, mum." Tegan muttered through blubbering tears. They trailed

down the arch of her neck and dampened the collar of her flannel.

"Isn't that what you said about Marina? And Gabby? They didn't seem to think you were out of their

league."

"Marina and Gabby don't even fucking compare to Sara," Tegan scoffed. The two meaningless and

short relationships her mother had mentioned could not even hold a mirror up to Sara. "God, I've

only known I love her for a goddamn day and I'm already a mess! Look at me, I'm a literally a fucking

mess!"

Sonia used long fingers to brush away her tears and smiled rather knowingly, "It's only been one

day?"

"Yes. Stupid Emy and her fucking observation skills. This is all her fault." Tegan grumbled, voice thick

from crying. "If she hadn't pointed it all out to me, none of this would be happening."

"It would, you just wouldn't know it." Her mother replied with flawless logic that Tegan did not want

to hear.

"Well, I don't want to know." Her bottom lip jutted out in a pathetic pout. "I want to be in the dark

again. This fucking sucks."

"You don't want to be in the dark about your heart, Tee." Tegan harrumphed immaturely in

response. "So, here we are again. You're in love. I'd like to meet Sara, she sounds really great."

"She is." Tegan sniffled. Sara would probably like her mother, and after everything that happened

with her own, she would benefit to be around one who saw how amazing she was. "She's so fucking

lovely."

"Lovely?" Her mother's lips twitched with amusement, "Did you just say lovely?"

"It's her!" Tegan cried, throwing her arms up in the air in despairing exasperation. "She did this! She

made me start saying shit like 'lovely'! I'm past the point of help!"

Sonia's mirthful chuckle quickly dissipated as Tegan collapsed in tears, sobbing with unrestrained

whimpers. With a sigh, she was taken in her mother's arms and rocked like a young child whose

favorite toy was stolen.

She could brush off past relationships – or non relationships – with ease as she shrugged and

mumbled words of it not being a big deal, but this was in the moment. She was living it, it was

happening now and it fucking sucked. She wore her heart on her sleeve, her pain colorful and bold,

staining her no matter how well she could hide it and project a person far happier than she was.

She wanted to cry, so she did. She wanted to laugh, but she couldn't. She wanted to destroy

everything in her path. God, she just wanted. Her love consumed her, filling her to the brim until she

was gargling and strangled under the suffocating void of it being unrequited. Her love was nearly

unhealthy in its weight.

She loved Sara so fucking much. It was all so fucking clear. She had been so stupid to think what she

felt was friendship.

Sara would never love her back, and though she could accept that, it still fucking hurt. It fucking hurt

so much.

Tegan trudged quickly up the last step of the seven flights of stairs, her lung wheezing and her calves

burning from lack of exercise. Her coat was soiled with water, hanging from her small frame and

weighing her down as she trailed through the hall with a low hanging head. The apartment building

was pitch black, the sounds of muffled conversation and padding feet even louder than usual. She

could barely see past a few inches from her face, and paranoia was nervously settled beneath her

skin as she rushed through the dark. She had no idea if anyone was nearby and almost ran into a

wall, but then she was fumbling with the key and lock of the front door until it finally slipped in the

correct way and she stepped inside the silent apartment.

Only slightly relieved, she let out a soft breath. She kicked her shoes off carelessly and dropped her

coat in the middle of the hallway, ridding herself of the heavied fabric with a relieved sigh as she

fixed the damp flannel beneath. "Sara?" she called, not bothering to raise her voice in the silence.

"I'm in the living room, Tegan Rain." Sara's own voice was pitched a bit louder than usual to be

heard. Tegan could not avoid, or excuse, the skip of her heart.

She walked cautiously, stepping on things she could not place labels to. She could barely spot Sara's

dark shadow on the couch from the small amount of light the darkened day gave, the splash of

rambunctious drops crashing into the glass with a loud clap. She was outlined in soft blues from the

rising moon, so small beside the giant storm.

"Have you been alone all afternoon?" Tegan questioned as she took a seat beside her, careful to

keep their bodies a few inches apart. She wasn't sure if she could touch Sara. She was emotionally

exhausted, skin tight and uncomfortable and eyes burning from crying into her mother's open arms

for the better half of the day. She needed to keep her distance before she did something irrational.

"When did the power go out?"

"Yes, I was having a lovely day reading until about five o'clock." Sara responded, and Tegan felt like

crying all over again when she heard the word lovely. Goddamn it. "I have been left alone with my

thoughts in the dark for a few hours now. I found it rather salubrious."

Tegan was only half sure what that word meant. She rested her temple against the back cushion,

gazing at Sara's outline with wide eyes as her dilated pupils searched for clues of her face. "Are you

afraid of storms?"

"Oh, no. I quite enjoy them. The sound of rushing water and the occasional thunder is very peaceful.

I was almost pleased when the power went out. I believe I needed that time to venture through my

own mind. I had not done it in far too long. I needed to reacquaint myself with… well, myself."

God, why did she have to say shit like that? She was so fucking intriguing and statements like that

drew Tegan in, sucking her into a vortex and dragged her further into oblivion. She past the point of

a goner. She was gone.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" she asked quietly, her lips barley moving. She didn't want to

leave.

"Though storms are enjoyable alone, everything is better with company. Especially if such company

is you, Tegan Rain."

Tegan's heart tried to put meaning that didn't exist in those words as her mouth gave a soft chuckle,

"Was that a pun?"

"It was an attempt." Sara giggled. The sound was sweeter in the darkness, where nothing existed but

the airy burst of air from Sara's lungs and drizzling rain. Tegan closed her eyes to focus on the sound,

her own lungs restricted and squeezing. "Admittedly, I probably could have searched my brain for a

funnier anecdote."

Even humor was dissected like a social study in Sara's complex brain, searching for normality but

missing it despite her best efforts. Tegan heart ached, "I thought it was a good one." she

complimented with a smile Sara couldn't see. "Did anyone from that restaurant call you today?"

"No." Sara's voice had grown disappointed, and Tegan could almost see her frown. "Is that

worrisome?"

"No," Tegan rushed to assure, "Sometimes it takes a few days. It's totally normal."

"I hope I receive a call tomorrow. I'm fairly sure I made a good impression, but I am not positive the

man interviewing me liked me very much. He had a look on his face as if he smelled something

distasteful the entire time."

"He'd be crazy not to like you, Sara." Tegan whispered.

"Oh," There was a smile in Sara's voice and Tegan wished she could see it. In her mind's eye, Sara

dropped her chin to her chest as her cheeks bloomed with a blush that she could pretend meant

things it didn't in the safety of her mind. Jesus, she was smitten. "How was your day with your

mother?"

"It was good," Tegan said truthfully, giving no hints of the teary mess she had been the whole time.

"It made me realize how much I had missed her."

"I've heard distance makes the heart grow fonder." Sara's voice was so soft, lightly lisping and small

under the sounds from outside. Despite the occasional bump of their neighbors, Tegan could

pretend like they were all alone in a world purely made for them. A world full of soft light and gentle

chatter, the company interesting and comforting under the loud booms of the storm. It was their

world.

"Do you believe that's true?" she asked.

"Sometimes." Sara murmured thoughtfully. "Though, perhaps it is a cop out. If you are not aware of

what you have before it's gone, you were abusing the privilege to have it in the first place. If you

cannot truly appreciate something until you are distanced from it then maybe you don't deserve it."

Sara paused a moment, a soft hum on her lips, "Of course that's not always true and I know that, but

I like to think I am the type of person who can see what they need and desire when it's near. I like to

think I am aware of myself."

"You seem the type to be totally aware of yourself." Tegan responded, snuggling more comfortably

into the cushions. Her feet brushed something connected to Sara's body, but she didn't pull away.

She let herself rest against soft, yet muscled flesh with the darkness as her excuse.

"I like to believe so. I cannot avoid the times I am shocked by something I feel or think, however."

"I think that just makes you human." Tegan offered. Her body was loosening from its emotional

turmoil as she let herself be washed over by Sara's tranquil voice. She was finally calm, but only in

the presence that brought on her anxiety.

"When you are taught to exceed humanity, such realizations of things you do not expect of yourself

can be rather hard to swallow." Sara admits softly. "But what about you, Tegan Rain? Do you know

yourself?"

Tegan chuckled at the irony. "No. Every time I think I do, I end up being wrong. I'm thrown a

curveball when I feel the most, like… assured or whatever."

"Perhaps it is not that you do not know yourself, but you are merely learning something new?" Sara

mollified. "Because that in itself is something entirely different. What it sounds to be for you, as an

outside source, is discovering new facets of yourself. And that is not only interesting, but healthy.

That makes you aware of yourself in ways that are higher than most. If you are accepting these

things, you know yourself better than most can imagine to."

"It's hard sometimes." Tegan replied vaguely, wriggling her toes into Sara's flesh through her stolen

socks. She was radiating gentle warmth, reassuring Tegan she was real and there.

"Of course." Sara agreed. "If there were not occasional difficulties, you would not be a functioning

human. I do not see how there could be a side of you that is disagreeable, however. But perhaps I

am bias."

Tegan swallowed hard, "I see how they are."

"Yes, well, you are also bias." Sara added lightly.

"Touche." Tegan agreed with a laugh. "So, um, what have you been thinking about before I came

home?"

"Oh, everything." Sara said, "I even thought of how mother might be doing, despite my better

judgment. Sometimes I just enjoy thinking about every spectrum of a thought. I thought of books

which led me to think about the universe as a whole. Somehow that brought me to think of mother

and Martin, which then led me to think of you."

"You thought of me?" Tegan's breath caught.

"It is not an unusual path for me to venture." Sara affirmed.

"What, uh… what were you thinking?" Tegan's feet twitched nervously into Sara.

"Very many things." Sara's voice was evasive, but she continued, "I thought about how you brought

me here to this moment, and how if I had not met you, perhaps I would be out in this storm with no

way of shelter. I couldn't help but wonder how different things would be without you in my life…

how very sad and empty it would be. Despite how gloomy it is today, you keep my world bright."

Tegan's heart was pounding, her stomach full of butterflies. What did that mean? Friendship was so

few and far in between for Sara, maybe she simply thought very strongly of the people who kept her

company? God, she just didn't have any fucking answers. "I wondered how your visit with your

mother was going and tried to envision what she might look like to create someone like you and how

incredible a woman she must be, in reflection to you. I come from such a… unlikable woman, but the

only relation I hold to her is the womb I occupied. Your relationship seems to breach an entirely

different level… one I cannot fathom. From what you have told me, you have such admiration and

respect for her and it makes me curious of what type of person she is to gain that from you."

"So you were thinking about my mum, you creep?" Tegan teased. Sara giggled and Tegan could feel

the shakes of her frame. "I told her about you. She said she wants to meet you. You sound pretty

great to her."

There was a moment of silence. The rain was splashing as someone down the hall shouted

something with laughter twisted in their words while a car honked in the distance. "She said that?"

Sara spoke softly.

"Yeah, she did." Tegan grinned into the darkness.

"I would enjoy meeting her as well."

"Cool, so I'll set you up with my mum." Tegan joked.

"I do have a recurring interest in older women." Sara quipped.

Tegan threw her head back with a laugh as she shifted her position. Her foot slipped as she moved

and a small gasp filled the air as Sara's cool hand met the sliver of skin between Tegan's sock and

jeans, catching her ankle. "Shit, sorry! Did I hurt-" Tegan stopped as her mind connected what her

foot was pressing against, the heat familiar. "Oh. Uh…"

Sara was silent. Her fingers brushed the bone of Tegan's ankle as slowly, she released her grip and

her hand disappeared. Tegan caught her lip between her teeth at that invitation. It was a quiet offer

and Tegan was just as hushed when she pressed her toes a little more firmly against the warmth

beneath her sock. She couldn't hear or see Sara, but she felt Sara's legs part further. A shivered

racked up Tegan's back and erupted goose bumps over the flesh of her neck.

Gently, her foot was batted away as the couch shifted with different weight and groaned in protest

as a presence lingered above her. Her breath began to quicken. The air whooshed in silent

movements she could not see before the room went still. She held her breath.

"Tegan Rain, where is your face?"

Tegan released her breath in a bark of laughter too loud for the powerless building as she groped

blindly at thin air, "Here, let me… where are your hands?"

"Right here," Sara dropped her hands randomly, ending up smashing ice cold fingers into the warm

crook of Tegan's neck. She squealed in both fear and chill, throwing her head back to evade her

fingers as she hurriedly captured them in her own hold. "Jesus, you're freezing!"

"I apologize."

"It's okay. Here… I'm here." she chuckled breathlessly, placing Sara's palms on her heated cheeks.

She was hyper aware of the pads of Sara's thumbs as they dragged down the swell of her cheek and

curve of her jaw, along with the tangle their legs had created as Sara hovered above her; knees

pressed together and thighs brushing. Sara's thumb ventured down the slope of Tegan's nose before

dipping in the soft bow above her lips. Her broad grin fell away as her lips grew slack under Sara's

touch. Her body was thrumming, her pulse scattered and quick. She could do nothing but peer into

the darkness and search for the sound of even breathing as Sara traced each of her lips with slow

caution, searching over every curving line and soft pout until Tegan could no longer hold back and

kissed the sketching finger. Sara paused and Tegan took advantage of the falter to trail her lips down

the bent angle of Sara's thumb. She found her wrist and held it in place as she dropped to Sara's

almost untouchably cold palm. She pressed a soft kiss in the very center before tracing back up to

find Sara's long, thin middle finger.

She squinted up through the hazy blue dark, wishing in vain that she could see Sara's face as she

sucked the tip of her finger into her mouth and lightly swirled her tongue over the digit as it slid

further between her cheeks. Sara's free fingers flinched as Tegan slowly sucked up the length of her

finger before releasing it with a soft smack. She brushed her lips down the inside of her palm, tasting

her skin and pressing her heart through every kiss. She dipped her hands lower to clutch Sara's

forearm as her mouth replaced her hands on her wrist.

Settled beneath that thin skin were still tendons and flowing veins, pumping life and movement into

Sara's body. Her heart must be abusing her ribcage because Tegan could feel every rapid, hard beat

like nervous wings beneath her lips. Unlike Sara's body, it was uncontrolled and aggressive. She had

no hold of her fluttering heart and Tegan thanked the pumping against her lips by opening them and

pressing a kiss there. Her own heart was ascending Sara's quick beats, but she held her breath and

tried to calm herself to connect them and be at the same level, but no matter how hard she tried,

her heart was faster than Sara's – stronger; needier.

Her eyes began to sting and she could barely breathe past the shrinking line of her throat. "Sara,"

she whispered, desperate. Her voice was pleading and fearfully chocked, "Sara, kiss me. Plea- Fuck,

kiss me-"

Pathetically small words were interrupted by a touch of full lips on her unprepared pair. A quiet gasp

of surprised passed through their lips. Sara swallowed her fright and soothed the flip of her stomach

with the softest of kisses, a mere brush and gentle clasp. Tegan's hands found Sara's back, her

sweater warm under the insistent press of Tegan's palms while she arched her own back until their

fronts were flush. A whimper caught in Tegan's throat the same moment thunder crashed above

them, her legs parting so Sara could slot her waist between them.

She hoped Sara could not feel the quiver in her kiss as she breathed in sharply through her nose,

clenching her eyes shut against the wave of tears held as prisoners behind her lids. Her heart was so

confused, pausing and starting back up faster than before as it tried to understand why it ached so

painfully with the lips of the one she wanted pressed firmly against hers. Sara was not hers, her

brain understood that, but her heart was a child; lost and questioning.

Sara's mouth was slightly sticky and tasted of tart oranges and Tegan wondered how long ago it was

she had eaten them. Her tongue was hot and brief, meeting Tegan's for only moments before

retreating just as fast. The first tear broke Tegan's shield and descended down her temple.

She broke the kiss, arching her neck against the arm of the couch. She pointed her chin heavenward

to keep the salty trail from dripping down the arch of her cheek, pooling around her squeezed eyes

and wetting her lashes. Sara's lips traced her cheek and created a detouring line to her neck.

Breath settled in her throat, Tegan felt the button of her jeans release the tight grip around her

waist and heard the low drag of her zipper before fingers were dipping inside her underwear and a

chilled hand was cupping her dampening core.

"Sara," she breathed, arching at the small contact.

"Yes." Sara whispered, but it was not a question. And for some reason, that made sense. She was

palming her, touch not at all firm or hurried, but so light and careful.

Though Tegan felt vaguely sick, her stomach twisted so tightly she feared she might collapse in on

herself and her throat scratchy with tears, she could feel herself growing wetter. Her fists gripped

the couch as she gasped, lips parting in a search for oxygen. Her body wasn't immune to Sara's touch

even in despair, a slave to her cool fingers as they circled around her swelling clit. She splayed her

legs as far apart as her restricting jeans and the back of the couch would allow, dropping one leg so

her foot dangled above the floor as her hips jerked in a silent beg for a firmer press of fingers.

Heat of arousal struck her harsher than the lightening outside, giving a flash of Sara's shadowed

body and fringe falling over her face. Tegan could see the point of her tongue sticking out between

the seam of her lips under the brief light, but her eyes were hidden. She had no idea where Sara's

mind was without the boldness of yellow light reassuring her that Sara was right there with her,

watching her and needing her just as much as Tegan was.

"Where are you?" she whispered, eyes dancing over one blob of a shape to the other.

"Right here with you," Sara responded softly, and Tegan didn't know if she knew she did not mean

physically when her fingers pressed a little bit harder as if assuring Tegan her presence. "I'm right

here, Tegan Rain."

Ridiculously, her body was shot with electricity at those words. Of course, she knew Sara did not

want her the way Tegan wanted her. But in this moment, she wanted to pretend. The intimacy of

darkness and Sara's body so warm and close was like putting on a play. Tegan was a dreamer,

creating a perfect world where everything she wanted was true, acted out in life with the heart it

deserved. The darkness could erase the barrier of different desires and morph into one open door of

want.

Tegan moaned, releasing the tension in her shoulders as her throat opened up and her eyes began

to dry. Her heart was being squeezed with reality, but her body felt light with false truth. She ran her

hands down her own body, grazing the thick swallow of her throat before kneading her heaving

breasts. She squeezed them until she felt her nipples harden against the padding of her bra before

dragging down the contracting muscles of her stomach, pushing her flannel up to scratch her nails

against her hot flesh. She dug in too deeply, too angrily, and hissed at the sharp pain.

Sara faltered at the sound, unaware of Tegan abusing herself. Her hand slowed, but Tegan was quick

to reach under the open waist of her jeans to grab Sara's wrist, her fingers wrapping easily around

the entire width of bones. "I need you-" She swallowed down irrational pet names and endearments,

bubbling over the surface of her lips in a cruel curiosity of how Sara might react. "Sara, I need your

mouth."

"Should we move to the bedroom?" Sara's voice was airless, as if she had been running for miles and

still hadn't caught her breath. Tegan hoped she wasn't doing her breathing exercises; she hoped this

was brought on purely by her.

"No, here." Everyone else was forgotten in Tegan's mind. Only Sara existed and she needed to keep

her here. Repercussions were light years away. "Here. I need you now. Here."

There was no protest from the other woman and Tegan grinned to the ceiling as she felt fingers

tugging at her jeans and underwear in one swoop, tugging them away until she was exposed to the

blackness. She rested one leg over the back of the couch while the other bent at the knee on the

edge of the cushions, catching her own heady scent in the air. Sara's lips were scorching on her inner

thigh, her hands so frigid on her stomach that it tightened.

And then a wet tongue was on her clit and it was so unexpected that she gave a soft shout, her hips

jerking. Sara's hands lowered to steady her as the tip of her tongue drew perfect circles over the

pulsating bud.

"Yes," Tegan threw her head back, stretching her limbs and flexing them until every muscle in her

body was firm and tight. The flat of Sara's tongue moved up and down her slit, collecting the taste

she was producing before finding her clit one more, this time cradling it between her lips.

With a dropped jaw and a smile ghosting over her lips, Tegan dropped her hands to twist into Sara's

silky hair. She tugged her closer, rocking her hips forward until she felt Sara's nose completely squish

into the curls on her mound. She was trying to make them closer through physical contact, inviting

Sara in and imploring her to stay. She was asking her to make love to her – not to fuck her but, god,

make love to her – so sweetly and dedicatedly that it stole Tegan's breath. She wanted to feel taken,

as if she had arms to curl up to at night that were not friendly and gone by the time the sun came

back up. She wanted them to be together, fitting smoothly and without any disconnecting bumps.

And Sara was responding as if she understood; as if she knew. Her tongue was so gentle, her thumbs

tracing circles into Tegan's skin, like a loved one would hold her hand under a table during dinner.

But that was Tegan's mind, etching sentiments into natural touches, desperate to pretend like they

were girlfriends, in love and showing it with curling tongues and attentive hands. Tegan wanted

more than for them to be girlfriends; the title was not enough. She just wanted them to be each

others and under the dark rumbling storm, she could act as if they were; that they were two locked

puzzle pieces. That what she wanted was requited and as strongly desired from the woman licking

between her legs like that was where she truly did belong.

Tegan scratched her nails over Sara's scalp, massaging her head as she echoed low moans and high

whimpers. She mapped her fingers down her forehead and over the tops of her cheeks before

finding her hair once again when she saw fireworks behind eyes she didn't know she had closed,

fisting the locks.

When lightening flashed, she looked down her body. Her pale skin was glowing blue, her stomach

tightened into the appearance of pronounced abdominal muscles under her tension and legs thrown

further apart than she had realized. It was only now that she felt the strain of stretching dull in her

thighs. She ignored the rough pulsations so close to the pleasant thrumming settled between them,

where she could see Sara's eyes meeting hers under the flashes. Tegan's smile stretched so brightly

as she saw the lights reflect in Sara's dark, shadowed eyes before it went away and they were

drowned in black once more.

Tegan's body began to cover in heated sweat, both from her close approach to oblivion and the lack

of the blowing air conditioner. She began to wave into Sara's touch, a hitch in her breath and so wet

now that she felt as if she had produced a river that threatened to flow onto the couch. She was

vaguely aware that there were other people in the world, people who would be severely pissed off if

she dared let her fluid touch the material beneath her. But she didn't care because the heat was

beginning to consume her, erupting somewhere beyond molten hot, and her mind couldn't focus on

anything but Sara Sara Sara-

The familiar clicking of the air conditioner beeped once, twice, and then the room came to life. The

ceiling fan began to vroom in quickening circles and the forgotten lamps illuminated the entire city,

bathing the approaching night with brightness. Tegan blinked her adjusting eyes as the sound of a

blasting radio down the hall was met with distant cheers.

Reality came crashing down and her heart dropped. Her tiny world of only she and Sara was

shattered, tainted with other life and taking away the time they had spent with only each other.

But when she squinted down at Sara, her fallen heart broke. Because when she looked into her eyes,

they were still alone. They were still together. She wasn't pulled from the place that she had created

where they were in love, because for one stupid moment, she genuinely believed Sara loved her too,

just as much. It was all ruined when Sara recovered from her surprise and began to move her tongue,

picking up her paused pace. She reestablished their relationship of friendship and sex, and suddenly

she was not making love but fucking, which only made Tegan realize that she had been doing just

that this entire time. She was not in the same place Tegan's head was. She was in reality. Tegan had

been in a land of fantasy, but it had been ripped away as fast as it had warmed her.

"Come up here," her voice was weak and small as she gently tugged Sara's damp face until it was at

level with Tegan's.

"Tegan Rain?" Concern was building behind warm eyes as she spoke as quietly as she had when

there were no background distractions.

"I just…" Tegan swallowed, sucking in a quick breath. "I just want you to be up here."

Sara eyed her, worry still bold in the purse of her lips. "Are you alright? Have you been cry-" Tegan

wriggled a hand between them, shoving past the waistband of Sara's tight gray trousers until she

was met with swollen and wet flesh. She distracted Sara from her question with a smart hand, only

half satisfied when Sara gasped and her eyes fluttered shut.

Watching her with knitted brows, Sara's hand mimicked her actions, rubbing her with the same tight

circles until Tegan's back was thrown into a bow. She buried her face in the crook of Sara's neck, her

moans coming out like growls and swallowing sobs. Her hand was moving in a frenzy against Sara's

clit as she bit her quivering lip and smashed her teeth together to cease the wobbling of her chin.

Sara's breath was heavy and stilted against her face, but Tegan didn't dare raise her head to look

into her eyes no matter how much she wanted to. She held her tears back until she was crying out

into Sara's ear as she came with a strong wave of pleasure.

She kept up her hand as she came down, her movements as mechanical as she felt. She stared

blankly up at the ceiling until Sara whispered a gasp and twitched against her fingers. Tegan

retracted her hand, and avoided eye contact as she urged Sara up so she could pull her underwear

and pants back on. She bowed her head to let her hair protect her wet face as she zipped her jeans.

The atmosphere between them was so uncomfortably tense in ways it had never felt. Tegan glanced

sideways towards Sara, not daring to look up and expose her flowing eyes. Sara's back was straighter

than usual, her hands in her lap and her eyes settled on the floor with hurt and confusion pulling in

her brows. Tears fell quicker from her eyes as she broke the silence with a sniffle. She felt terrible,

even worse than before. "I'm sorry," she apologized, voice cracking. "I'm sorry, Sara."

"That did not feel like you. That felt wrong." Sara wavered, withdrawn but still so timidly there. "You

were so present, more than ever before, and then you were not. You felt so far away from me… but

only for that last moment. What is wrong, Tegan Rain? You have never distanced yourself from me

like that. Is it… was it me? Did I do something wrong?"

"No! You were great. You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry." Tegan threw caution to the wind and looked

up, allowing Sara to see her vulnerability, but she wasn't going to explain it. She couldn't. "I'm so

sorry, I didn't… I couldn't… I'm sorry, it wasn't you-" A sudden, wrenching sob interrupted her

speech and she rushed to catch it with her hand.

Sara peered into her face, eyes growing sad at the sight of tears. "It's alright," she amended. She

inched closer until their knees refused to allow them any closer. Her hand was gentle as it forced

Tegan to remove her hand from her mouth before her fingers were brushing away Tegan's tears so

fucking delicately it tore at Tegan's chest. They were nothing but friends with benefits, but Sara

wasn't running away after Tegan fell into a bawling mess after sex. It didn't make sense, but then it

did because Sara was so unbelievably good. She was so good and Tegan wanted her so badly. "It's

alright to feel, that is what you have taught me, is it not? And you musn't apologize for that."

Tegan chewed on her shaking lips, her breathing uneven and throat burning. Sara stared back at her

with the smallest of sweet smiles before her arms were wrapping around her shoulders, pulling

Tegan into a hug. "Come here," she murmured against Tegan's neck. "Let me comfort you the way

you have done for me so many times."

Tegan collapsed into her hold with hands tugging at her sweater to pull her closer, her heart swelling

and breaking all at once and she couldn't stop from sobbing at the mix of emotions she could not

deny. "I'm sorry, I- if I made you feel like I was… I'm sorry- I can't explain it-" She was rambling

through tiny whimpers, making little sense to even herself.

"It's okay. You don't have to offer explanation." Sara hushed her, hands running down her back.

"Not everything can be perfect at all moments. Even the strongest of people must break sometimes."

She had no idea if that meant Sara thought their moments together were perfect or that she was

somehow - and ridiculously - strong, but she was being so understanding that her shoulders shook

and chest ached.

She had no idea how long they sat together like that, Sara gently rocking her as if she were a child as

she sobbed and dampened the expensive material of Sara's striped sweater. But with Sara offering

such unquestioning comfort despite the cold touch Tegan had just given her, she could not stop

herself from falling even further.

And really, that only made her cry harder.


	23. Somewhere To Hide

"It's never going to stop fucking raining. This city is going to drown. We're never going to see the sun

again." Tegan hunched in on herself to better fit under the neon yellow umbrella Sara held carefully

above them. She noticed how the better half of the protective material hovered cautiously over her

head. "Sara, get under this thing! You can't be drenched for this interview."

"I don't want you to catch a cold," Sara flushed, moving the metal handle more evenly between

them, her fingers so starkly pale against the black rubber.

"And I don't want you to be turned away at the door for being all wet," Tegan cracked a smile

despite her argument. She tugged lightly on the rolled up sleeve hugging the frail bones of Sara's

wrist. She assumed the blouse was Sara's favorite, the powder blue material hung loosely around

her thin body, the few buttons done up all the way to the elegant arch of her neck. "Don't want this

to get ruined, do you?" She stuffed her hands in her polka dotted pants pockets, forcing herself to

stop finding stupid excuses to touch the other woman. It was both an unaware and conscious effort,

and she couldn't tell which was worse.

Sara cocked her head Tegan's way. The nearly abusive smack of the wind caused her straightened

fringe to hide her eyes as her lips quirked into a closed mouth smile. Tegan had watched her use

Emy's straightener from her seat on the closed toilet that morning, giving her a friendly pep talk. At

least, it had felt friendly until she caught sight of her own reflection in the mirror, googly eyes big

with obvious stares. Her heart had dropped to the floor. It was easy to be Sara's friend, since that

was what she had convinced herself that's all she was for so long. It was a cruel reminder of the

truth to see the dopey smile that lit on her own ridiculous face in Sara's presence, telling her it had

been there all along.

Sara's fingers clenched around the umbrella a bit tighter, a nervous tick. "I once read – and I cannot

remember where this was cited, but I believe it was in an article about the correlation between

depression and bad weather – but I once read that rain was, surprisingly, a positive sign. I think it

relates to the idea that before the sun must be rain."

Accepting Sara's change of subject, Tegan grinned with broad teasing, "Do you really believe that

bullshit?"

Sara cracked a smile that showed off the imperfect bottom row of teeth and crinkled around the

corners of her lips; Tegan's hands clenched into fists inside her pockets. "Well… no." she admitted

with a giggle. A large man barreled past them, his head nearly clipping the side of the umbrella. Sara

turned to watch him over her shoulder as he stomped in the other direction, an unimpressed twist

to her lips. "What an appalling showcase of lacking manners." she murmured mostly to herself

before turning back to Tegan. "No, I don't believe in that theory. I have to be realistic and

understand that weather is just as it sounds… weather. There are no underlying messages about the

formation of clouds or the lack of them and I know that. Some part me, however, wishes I could find

faith in such ideals."

"I get that." Tegan agreed. She reached up to fix the soft gray cotton of her beanie, protecting her

hair against the spray of water sprinkling off the edge of the umbrella. "I totally get that. I wish I

could find comfort in the idea that, like… there's reason behind everything beyond the, you know,

logical shit. But something in my brain doesn't let me soothe myself with all that fluffy bullshit."

"What about fate, Tegan Rain?" Sara questioned. Her interest in Tegan's brain lit a spark in her chest.

She listened to her like no one else. Sara was so much smarter than her, but when they talked like

this, they were equals. No one had ever cared to learn the miniscule little thoughts she had during

her free time; to pick apart her brain and seek through the depths. This is what Sara had wanted,

back when Tegan had been pushing her away with every unwanted conversation. Though she didn't

understand why she hadn't wanted to answer all of Sara's questions then, she was glad she could

make up for the past now with all the answers Sara wanted. She would babble like a fool for days

about anything and everything if it entertained the small woman. "You seem the type to believe in

such things as fate, if only for the romanticizing of the world."

"You got me there." Tegan admitted sheepishly. "I'm a romantic, I can't help it. But like… think of

this, Sara. I think fate brought us together."

"Continue?" Sara encouraged, a curious tilt to her head.

"Okay, so I saw that ad for a cook at your house on an off chance. I decided to go after it on a whim,

not thinking I'd really get the job since I'm a University student, but your dad accepted me. It was

fate that brought us together at such a crucial time, so I could bring you with me and we could, like…

be good for each other." Tegan cleared her throat and added hastily, "As, you know, friends."

"Was it fate or was it a coincidence?" Sara countered. Tegan hopped over a sizable puddle, losing

sight of the umbrella for a moment and causing her beanie to grow slightly damp before she could

rush under the protection.

"It was fate, dude!" Tegan repeated earnestly. She hoped the romantic undertones of her surety

were muted with her friendly endearment.

"I must remind myself that this is coming from someone who is a strong supporter of the possibility

of love at first sight," Sara was teasing her, a smile so close to a grin etched on her face, but Tegan

could only focus on her voice. Her words were thick in her throat, her lips hugging them with

extended rolls over hissing letters and gently feminine. Tegan wasn't sure if a person could be

attracted to a voice, but possible or not… she was. Sara's voice embodied her perfectly, gentle and

cautiously exiting her throat as if she wasn't sure she wanted it out in the open.

Tegan walked blindly forward as she looked between Sara's lips and eyes. Both hypnotized her. She

couldn't decide which to spend her time looking at, as both held their own enthralling attributes.

Sara's eyes, unshielded and so warm, but her lips… so full and red from biting, marring a small scar

under the pout that Tegan wanted to know the story behind.

But then Sara was facing her, her smile widening and so fucking gorgeous. Tegan was fairly sure she

could write an album's worth of songs about what that smile made her feel, but none of the lyrics

she could concoct would do her heart - or that stretch of those lips - justice. There was just one

recurring thought rushing through her mind as the world became a blur around Sara's face: she was

hopelessly infatuated. She wished she felt nothing.

"My logic has finally stunned you into silence. I have accomplished a worlds worth of work. I will go

down in history for this moment."

Tegan hid her distraction with a crooked grin. She wondered why their fate had made it so Sara's

smile sent warmth through her veins when hers did nothing for Sara; a numb response. Perhaps the

fate she was praising moments ago was just as cruel as the lies parents feed to their children as a

smokescreen of comfort in things no one knew the tangible existence. It's unfair, a crying shame. But

she refused to break down for the second time in two days.

"Laugh it up, Sara," she murmured with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She walked under the

entryway of their beige destination. "It won't ever happen again."

"We'll see about that." Sara replied with all the confidence in the world as she closed the umbrella

and walked through the door Tegan held open for her.

Coffee was thick in the air and Tegan watched Sara inhale deeply in the subtle rise of her chest from

the corner of her eye. Surrounding them were rows of untouched literature, awaiting nimble fingers

and tracing eyes. People of all ages, adorning rain coats and furrowed brows, were hunched over

hefty novels and thin comics; all there for the same reason, and all so very quiet. They allowed the

other strangers to enjoy the words printed on thick pages in solidarity, seated close to each other on

benches and their shoes touching on bean bags.

Tegan loved bookstores. The silence and mingled unity of bookworms was so calming. She knew

Sara felt the same when her tense shoulders relaxed a fraction. "Admittedly," she said softly, "I am

not very bothered that the restaurant has failed to call me. If I must work somewhere, I really do

favor this."

"Well, you're early enough to this interview to be punctual and you're dressed really well," Tegan

whispered, smoothing her fingers over the arm of Sara's top, eager to feel her warmth. "You should

do great, Sara."

Sara sent her a grateful smile and Tegan forgot to breathe. "Can you carry these for me while I am

in?"

Tegan took Sara's phone and key from her hands, their fingers brushing and causing her to shiver;

whether it was from the temperature of Sara's fingers or the fact that they belonged to Sara, she

didn't know. She took the damp umbrella after shoving Sara's phone next to her own in her back

pocket while she cradled the gleaming 'S' of Sara's key chain in her fist.

"So, just go to the back and find that door they told you about on the phone. Just say who you are

and then they'll probably let you in or whatever." She noted Sara's frown, "I know it's awkward, but

it'll be over soon."

Sara gave a nod, her face tight with preparation.

"I'll be out here waiting for you when you're done. Just come looking for me." Tegan clenched the

umbrella and key chain tightly. "Um… want a kiss for good luck, maybe?" She offered the idea with a

small grin, forcing the calm that she had once felt in that notion to show on her face despite the

truth. She was using their benefits to get what she wanted which made her feel a slew of pain, guilt,

and shame. But that did nothing to stop her from suggesting it because underneath all of that, was

the desire to pour her faith in Sara through her lips to the woman who needed to feel it the most.

"People will not mind?" Sara asked cautiously, glancing around them at the distracted citizens.

"No, but even if they did… fuck 'em." Tegan shrugged with the carelessness that only a lifetime of

living in this society could give. She hoped that one day, Sara could get even a fraction closer to that

attitude.

"A quick one? For luck." Sara agreed softly, and Tegan beamed.

With one hand holding Sara's belongings, the other lifted to cup her soft cheek and tug her gently

closer. Her heart was in her throat; it seemed to be claiming a home there so often lately. She

peered into Sara's eyes as their faces grew so close everything else was a blur around Sara's pale

flesh and dark hair. The way Sara gazed back at her without shifting eyes or blinking lids let her

pretend Sara was feeling the same exhilarating rush, tugging her under the tide to fall into Tegan's

arms as refuge from the heavy waves. How gentle Sara's hand was on the back of her neck as their

lips met allowed Tegan lie to herself. The kiss was meant to be a cushion of comfort for Sara, but it

breathed air into Tegan's lungs, shooting bolts of electricity through her chest.

She breathed sharply through her nose as her grip on Sara's cheek intensified, stumbling further into

Sara's embrace to chase the sensations exploding through her body. Sara's fingers combed through

the short hair peeking out of her beanie on the back of her neck, her fingers careful as her lips

moved shyly in front of strangers. Tegan's bones shook as Sara slowly broke their lock, her hand

lingering on the soft spot on the nape of Tegan's neck.

Her eyes fluttered open with a heavy blink and she met Sara's eyes with a smile that even felt full of

gushy love sonnets that Sara would never want to hear. Quickly, she cleared her throat and sent

Sara a grin. "Right, so… good luck."

"I feel as if you are my good luck charm." Sara whispered, taking a step back to straighten her top.

Tegan scoffed, "How have I been lucky for you? That restaurant still hasn't called you back."

"That is only one example of the opposition in what I know you have brought to my life." Sara

murmured, her voice sweet, but her words hard to wrap around. Tegan blinked as she tried to

dissect that sentence. "I will see you soon."

"Okay, yeah." Tegan nodded, still distracted by her earlier words. "You'll do great. I really believe

that, Sara."

Sara's smile was fond as she nodded, "I know you do and I am forever grateful of your belief in me,

Tegan Rain."

Tegan dropped her eyes to the floor, shrugging off those words with a grin. She peeked through her

lashes as Sara turned around and walked through the aisles of books, watching her until she was no

longer in sight.

Feeling as if she could finally breathe again, she sucked in a gulp of air as her heart calmed and

began to beat normally for the first time since she woke up.

When Tegan fell, she fell hard. That was known and understood amongst everyone she knew. But

there was something different about Sara. There was insanity in the stability she felt. There was

ardent lust woven inside incredible love. There was easy happiness debauched by heavy sadness.

There was friendship and romance tangled together, both ends connected and sewed tightly

together.

And if she felt all of that after two days, what would come of her tomorrow? Or next month? God,

what about next year?

But then, she reminded herself, this had been going on for a lot longer than two days. These feelings

had been inside of her, prowling and protected behind denial, for quite a while. Hopefully they were

only as all-consuming as they were now because her body was making up for lost time, holding her

under the water so she could drown in what she had been fretfully dipping her toes in. She really

wasn't sure if she could handle this forever – perhaps if it was requited, but not on this one way

street. She felt intense; she needed a drink. Yet if she drank, it would only throw her in the arms of

Sara's sexual prowess, reinforcing all that they would be without a hint of something more. And

that's what she was avoiding. There was no escape.

Running her free hand over her face in exhaustion, she shook her head at herself. With a steady

breath, she ambled down the aisles, absently making her way to the back where they kept an

extensive collection of records and CD's. Absently, she wondered if Sara would get a discount if she

worked here. Not only would that make the small brunette happy, but maybe she would give Tegan

the occasional gift of cheap music. It was a selfish thought, she could admit that; she just liked the

idea of Sara bestowing her with something special. She just wanted to feel special. She wanted Sara

to think she was special.

Heart heavy, she flipped distractedly through old and new vinyl. Her eyes weren't really seeing past

bold artist names. The ingenuity of interesting art work was lost on her normally studying eye. She

couldn't shake off her worrying over how Sara's interview was going. She could imagine the tight line

of her back and how her eyes were clouded with insecurities; Tegan wished she could be there,

standing behind the interviewer to give Sara's encouraging thumbs up and proud smiles. It still

surprised her how unsure Sara was, after so many weeks of seeing someone so fully confident and

proud. Of all the traits Sara had adorned under her mask, she wished the assured armor was still

there. It had once been so irritating, grating into her skin. But Sara needed it, truly this time around.

She wanted to help her find it.

She wondered if Sara felt lost without her mask or if it was liberating to be without it for once. It

wasn't Sara, but it was the smallest piece of her she fell back on for protection. She loved all of Sara,

and as absurd as it would have sounded a month ago, she even loved that side of her - the false

personality that once made her so angry it had turned her into someone else. She wished she could

tell Sara that; that her personality was so lovable that even the worst part of her shone with light.

She needed to hear that from somebody. But it was not Tegan she would want to hear it from.

She wanted to take Sara out somewhere after the interview was over. It was a shame the sky was

gray and crying because she knew the perfect hot dog stand to eat from next to a park that looked

so lush and green under the sun. She would have to take her there some other time, as just the idea

of Sara's horror over eating from an outdoor booth tickled her. But she'd have to find another place

to take her for now, so they could talk over food about the universe and life, like Sara had once said

she wanted. On top of that, Tegan wanted to discuss how she was adapting. She wanted to hear

Sara's fears, surprises, and pleasantries about her new life. She just wanted to soak in her voice and

hear every thought that came to Sara's mind. It was pathetic how much she just wanted.

If Sara were to find out Tegan's heart, would she be the timidly sweet friend that comforted her and

pushed normality to its breaking point? Tegan didn't really see her as the angry enemy who would

shove her away and demand they never speak again, but then… Sara was unpredictable. She was

always surprising her, but it didn't always have to be pleasant. Perhaps she would be the friend who

made things so desperately awkward that they fizzled out into nothing and one day, without

warning or explanation, they never saw each other again.

All of those options terrified her. She didn't want anything to change. She adored where they were,

it was healthy. Well, as healthy as a situation could get with two friends living in the same room

while occasionally having sex, with one half secretly in love with the other half.

Cringing, Tegan strolled through the music section slowly, glancing towards the abyss of book genre

signs and the occasional tall head of hair before a particular set of CD's caught her eye. She looked

through them, tapping her foot to an imaginary tune. Did Sara even like music? How is that after all

they had been through, she didn't even know the answer to such a basic question?

"Come here often?"

For a moment, Tegan ignored the unfamiliar voice, assuming the question was directed at someone

else. She was wrapped up in her own thoughts, plagued by Sara's face. But something niggling

tingled on the back of her neck, informing her that eyes were settled on her person, and without a

second thought she turned around.

A woman, who was tall enough for Tegan to take a step back into the CD rack to better see her face,

smiled at her. Her hair was as dark as midnight, braided and thrown over one shoulder to graze the

waistband of her flowy, polka dotted skirt that was short enough to show off tanned, strong thighs.

Stands too short for her braid curled around her round face, framing wide blue eyes behind wide-

framed glasses and thin lips decorated in red lipstick.

Tegan blinked, "Um… I'm sorry?"

"No, I am." The woman laughed, flirtation oozing from her pours. Her laughter shook her shoulders,

gaping open the collar of her blue button down and exposing the tiniest bit of cleavage. Tegan

guiltily lifted her eyes, forcing herself to look away. "That was such a lame way to get your attention.

I just couldn't think of a more clever line."

Nervously, Tegan fixed her beanie with one hand and clutched Sara's keys and umbrella in the other.

She searched her brain for a response, only to come up blank as she scoured the still life behind the

stranger.

"I'm Chloe," The woman greeted. "Sorry if I made you feel weird. I'm not good with introductions.

I've been told I'm a bit much when you first meet me. I sort of just ramble and make people

uncomfortable."

"That's fine." Tegan chuckled politely. "I'm Tegan."

"Tegan," Chloe nodded, humming softly beneath her breath. She leaned against the rows of music,

wrapping her hands around the black satchel resting on her shoulders. "So are you the type of

person who comes to look at the music department of every bookstore instead of the novels,

Tegan?"

"Uh," Tegan rubbed the back of her neck, finding the cool remains of Sara's fingers. "Not really, I'm

just killing time. I'm not really here for books or music."

"The coffee?" Chloe quizzed.

"Nah," Tegan shook her head and shrugged her shoulder. "I'm waiting for my- uh, a friend of mine is

having an interview. I'm just waiting for her."

"So if she gets the job, does that mean you'll be here a lot?" Tegan quirked a brow at this

questioning stranger. "I'm only asking so I know if this is a place I should frequent so I can bump into

you again."

"Oh. Uh." Tegan blinked. She had never been the person who gets hit on by someone she had never

met. She was the aggressor, but now that she knew how awkward it felt to be on the other end, she

was fairly sure she would never do it again. "Listen, I'm not- I'm not in a place where I want to date

anyone."

"What can I do to bring you to that place?" Chloe questioned, a glint in her eyes as she batted

eyelashes heavy with thick mascara. It would be alluring if Tegan wasn't fully distracted by Sara.

"Um, things are complicated with me right now, uh… Chloe." Tegan scratched an imaginary itch on

her bare bicep. "I'm sort of- I'm taken." Tegan pursed her lips and sucked her piercing into her

mouth. She rolled the silver ball under her tongue before releasing it with a sigh. "Well, she's- Okay,

I'm not technically taken. But I feel that way, you know?"

"What I gathered from that is that you're single and I accurately assumed your sexuality. Which I'm

relieved about." Chloe gave a soft laugh. It made her sound more of a normal human instead of a

prowling initiator.

"Then you also heard me admit that I'm in love with someone." Tegan pointed out, without any

malice. Chloe gave a slow nod, her eyes thoughtful. "I mean, thanks for this… it's flattering. I

probably needed this ego boost since I've been wallowing in self-pity for… well, for a while." She

sighed. "But I'm going to have to say no to whatever it is you want from me."

"How about this…" Chloe stepped another inch closer, her blue flats touching Tegan's Doc Martin's

and her smile pretty. Tegan wished she could feel that inevitable tug in her chest that she felt upon

meeting new, beautiful women. But all she could do was compare her round face to Sara's angular

structure and despair that her smile wasn't nearly as bright or eye catching as her friend's. "We'll

exchange numbers without any strings attached. But if you ever decide that you are interested in

dating, you can hit me up whenever you'd like."

Tegan cocked her head to the side. She took a step back, distancing herself. "I don't know you.

We're-" She motioned between them wordlessly. "You know? We're strangers."

"There's only one way to change that."

"Hmm." Tegan cracked a weak grin, oddly amused by this insistent stranger. "Touche."

"I find you interesting and I'd like to get to know you better. So, what do you say, Tegan?" Chloe

smiled. "Can I have your number?"

"I want my intentions to be totally clear if I say yes." Tegan traced her fingers over Sara's key chain.

"I'm not looking to have some sort of weird, on-the-side dating… thing. I'm totally invested in the

love I feel for someone else, so…" She swallowed hard as Chloe quirked a perfectly sculpted brow.

"Listen, if you had caught me two months ago, this would have been a godsend. Having a cute girl

come up and talk to me would have been awesome, but… the timing is all wrong. I don't want you to

get the wrong idea and be led on or whatever."

"Consider me totally not led on in any way." Chloe replied, a new smiling stretching over face. It

emphasized her cheekbones, but Tegan's heart had no response. "I'll take your number and the

compliment of you calling me cute and be on my way."

"We can be friends…" Tegan muttered, feeling the need to plant the seed of pure friendship in this

woman's mind.

"I get it. I won't be getting into your polka dotted pants and you won't be getting into my polka

dotted skirt. It's totally fine. I won't try to break down that wall to your heart." Chloe grinned

teasingly. There were no hurt feelings or rejection weighing them down like led. The fresh start of a

new friendship meant there was no past remorse or spat words. It felt nice to have no past with the

person she was speaking with, where things were so new that nothing bad could happen yet. It was

a relief after the strenuous, winding road she and Sara have been timidly walking and the much

longer, thicker road she and Emy had created. She loved those roads, they were her favorite to

frequent, but sometimes a person just needed to speak with someone who they had no connection

to. So she felt no guilt as she readily muttered her number as a complete stranger typed it into her

sleek silver phone. She was desperate for an easy friendship and the opportunity made itself known

when she least expected it.

She shook herself as she realized she felt she should feel guilty, making up excuses as if she needed

to. No matter how much she wanted it, Sara was not her girlfriend. She was doing nothing wrong in

making a new friend who she had no interest in. Even if she did, however, Sara wouldn't care.

When her contact was placed in Chloe's phone, she took a step back. "So I guess I'll be talking to you

later."

Tegan cradled the umbrella between her arm and chest while her thumb roamed over the slick front

of Sara's key chain. "Sure."

"I have to say before I go, and I mean this in the friendliest way possible, you're probably the hottest

person I've seen in a really long time. That's what I thought when I saw you walking around earlier.

And I just thought I'd let you know." Chloe was smirking, still so flirtatious despite her promise of

being platonic.

"Oh, uh." Tegan felt her cheeks burn at the compliment. There was appreciation for the forwardness,

but her mind tried to put Sara's voice in those words. It was impossible. Sara would never create a

sentence that way nor would she use those words. They would be contorted in a poetic puzzle for

Tegan to pick apart and learn new meanings to every night, her heart thumping as she gradually

understood every waxing whisper. That's what made Sara so fucking intriguing; she would never be

so blunt and careless with her words. She would make it into art and Tegan would sit and search to

see every detail for the rest of her life. "Thanks." she mumbled to the floor, now fully taken out of

this encounter by those thoughts. She stepped away from Chloe, hugging Sara's keys to her chest.

"I'll see you around."

She barely stood long enough to hear Chloe's goodbye before she was walking through endless

spines of literature. She reached around her back and tugged one of their phones from her pocket,

immediately recognizing it as Sara's with that bland cover she insisted on.

She pressed the side button to light the screen. The bold number of the clock informed her it had

been nearly an hour since Sara went in for her interview, but it was her lock screen that caught

Tegan's attention. Her heart felt as if it were being gripped by the strongest knuckles.

Staring back at her was her own grinning face alongside Sara's sweet smile. It was the photo they

had taken the day Sara got her phone. It was blown up to fit the screen, chopping off the rest of the

world so they were the only two people in the picture.

Sara didn't know phone etiquette, Tegan rationalized. She didn't know what most would interpret

when they saw them together on the screen she looked at every day. Best friends occasionally had

their photos posed like this one. Maybe Sara thought of Tegan as her best friend.

But even with those logical thoughts, Tegan's heart went wild. Sara had a photo of them on her lock

screen. The idea was setting a storm of fire and thundering wind in her entire body, adrenaline

sparking in her blood. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth to hold back her smile. Her heart

wanted to put meanings into this, but her head allowed her to simply appreciate that Sara cared for

her.

But goddamn it, that was so fucking sweet and cute. The urge to kiss Sara and hold her hand was

more overwhelming than ever. She stared at the screen until it went black, shoving it back into her

pocket next to her own. She searched through the building for Sara, nervously peeking around the

aisles in fear of bumping into Chloe.

She passed a teenage boy settled up against one row, his head bowed over anime with red hair

falling in his eyes before her heart alerted her of Sara's presence, twisting and leaping.

She was standing before a row of brightly colored graphic novels. One was settled carefully in one of

her hands while her chin was held between the thumb and curled fingers of her opposite hand. Her

fringe was tucked behind her ear, displaying the prominent curve of her jaw and soft pout of her lips.

Her back was straight, neck tense, and feet spread only inches apart. Her body was angled towards

the wall, putting a space between herself and the rest of the room; she looked so closed off and

tense. But Tegan knew how lax she could become, how open and gently vulnerable. If no one else

knew, it didn't matter to her. She knew. That's all that mattered.

She approached her on the tip of her toes. She stood behind her, admiring the way the hair on the

nape of her neck curled and flipped beneath the lobes of her ears. Smiling, she inched forward until

their cheeks were almost brushing, "Hey there, handsome." she whispered. When Sara turned

quickly to face her, she jumped to her other shoulder, "How'd the interview go?"

"Oh, Tegan Rain!" Sara whispered, turning on her heel so their faces were only a few spaces away.

Her hand was rested on her chest. "You gave me a terrible fright."

"Sorry," Tegan snickered, apologetically clapping Sara on the back. "How long have you been done?"

"Only mere minutes. I was on my way to find you when I became sufficiently distracted," Sara ran

her dainty fingers over the burst of color on the graphic novel she held. "It called out at me and I

became immersed in the artist's weaving of color and story."

Tegan could feel the stars in her eyes as she smiled. This was why someone like Chloe could not hold

a candle to Sara. Tegan had been spoiled by Sara's mind. "Want to buy it?"

"I haven't the money." Sara sighed sadly.

"Yeah, but I do." She reminded her. "And I want to get it for you."

Sara pursed her lips, "Because you're my… what was it you said? My sugar daddy?"

Tegan couldn't help but crack a smile at hearing those words fall from Sara's lips. "No. That was a

stupid joke I shouldn't've made. I'm offering because you seem to enjoy it and I want you to have it."

"You have used your money on me so much lately-"

"I don't care." Tegan shrugged carelessly. "Can I buy it for you? Please?"

"Though I feel as if I should decline, I honestly do not want to." Sara admitted. Tegan grinned.

"Is this the type of book you like to read? Artsy stuff?" She questioned.

"I enjoy every type of book. I think they all have something grand to offer, whether they're comics or

old novels. I love to immerse myself in all of them of every genre." Sara answered, looking over the

rows of books with adoration.

"What's your favorite genre, though?"

"Well… I quite enjoy mystery." Sara sucked her lips thoughtfully. "I often find myself relating to male

characters in their mid-forties. Which is odd, as I don't have a lot in common with those men. I have

no ex-wife to see to or a child or a business gone bankrupt, but I find myself connecting to their

outlooks on the world the best. Those are my favorite books, when they have a main character that

fits that type of description. I find them so fascinating. I love to see how they handle different

situations and correct their wrongdoings." She looked so beautiful, full of fire and light as she spoke

so passionately. Tegan was struck with silence. Sara looked to her with a curious tilt to her lips,

"What about you, Tegan Rain? What is your favorite genre?"

"Oh... I'm lame." Tegan flushed. "I love romance novels. A couple of years ago, Emy introduced me

to this author who writes all these queer romance novels and I sort of became obsessed. But I

mean… I read heterosexual romance, too. I like all of them. I'll read any of them, really. I just kind of

love reading about people meeting and falling in love. It's cool to see how different characters

approach it all and, I dunno, it's stupid."

"It is not." Sara shook her head, smiling softly. "If you enjoy it, it is not stupid."

Tegan gazed over Sara's face with a rush in her chest. "Um, so… your interview? How'd it go?" Tegan

leaned forward in interest, giving Sara her full attention.

Sara seemed to brighten a fraction. A small smile tugged at her lips as she gazed into Tegan's eyes,

"I'm looking timidly on the bright side. I did not feel the amount of discomfort I did at the restaurant

that bores Martin's name. The woman seemed to enjoy me more than that man did. However, I

could possibly be projecting that hope-" She as interrupted by a finger silencing her lips.

"No," Tegan gave her a mock reprimanding glower, "Don't go to that place. Stay in the positive side."

Sara's fingers wrapped around Tegan's digit, pulling it away from her lips. But she kept her hold,

softly suspending their hands in the air between them. "I am surprisingly positive."

"Want to go get celebratory ice cream?" Tegan's voice was breathless. She couldn't concentrate on

anything but the cold touch of Sara's hand.

"Ice cream, Tegan Rain? In this weather?" Sara quirked an incredulous brow.

"It's never a bad time for ice cream, Sara." Tegan informed her as if she was giving out the secrets to

the universe.

Sara giggled, her brows heightening up her forehead as her eyes glinted with amusement. It was like

a lullaby, coating Tegan in peace. She couldn't help but grin back at her.

"Perhaps we could get lunch instead? Then we can sit and talk in an establishment for longer than

ten minutes." Sara proposed when her mirth subsided. A hopeful look flitted over her face as she bit

her lip.

The idea sounded perfect to Tegan, who eagerly nodded. "You like Italian, right?"

Sara smiled, "Very much."

"I promise not to break down in the middle of dessert and start crying hysterically and for no reason."

Tegan chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck with her free hand.

"Tegan Rain," Sara frowned, dropping her finger. "You must not mock yourself for yesterday."

"Right. You're right. Sorry." Tegan shook herself. "You're totally right. C'mon, let's go."

"If mother knew the diet I have acquired, she would be positively scandalized. You are trying to

fatten me up, Tegan Rain." Sara twirled chicken pasta on her fork pointedly.

Ripping a piece of buttered garlic bread with her teeth, Tegan chewed through a grin. "You're just

getting to eat like a normal person for once. No one's restricting you from eating whatever the hell

you want."

Sara paused before a rather sly smirk slid over her face, sharpening her features and stirring interest

in Tegan's gut. "The appallingly crass joke that came to my mind is a testament to how much time

we have been spending together."

Tegan threw her head back with a rough laugh. She put her elbows on the table to lean closer,

"Were you about to make an eating pussy joke? Sara Clement, you dog!"

"Shh, we are in the company of strangers." Sara hissed, but the giggle in her voice ruined her

authority. She glanced around the room, but the other occupants were busy with their own

conversations under quiet music and clapping thunder.

Tegan leaned back into her chair, her smirk cocky. She crossed her arms over her chest and

appraised Sara with a raised brow, "Well, I'm certainly not complaining about the choices you've

made in that department."

Tegan laughed as Sara ducked her head over her plate, a blush blooming over her cheeks. She

twirled her fork between her fingers as her hair fell from behind her ear to curtain her eyes. Without

a second thought, Tegan reached across the table and gently tucked the soft fringe back to its

rightful place so she could see all of Sara's face.

Sara peered up at her through thick lashes as Tegan trailed her fingers down the velvety skin of her

jaw before taking her hand back as casually as possible. "You're so fucking cute." The inflection

sounded friendly in her head, but it came out too romantic under the rain and dim lighting of the

restaurant.

But Sara's pink cheeks were tight with a beaming smile, twinkling in her eyes. Tegan tried to calm

the accelerated beat of her heart, unable to keep from grinning back at her like a fucking idiot.

"You are aware I think the same of you, are you not?" Sara said softly.

Tegan cocked her head, "That you think I'm cute? Well, why wouldn't you?" She joked, tossing her

head as if she had enough hair to flip dramatically in the air. Sara's shoulders shook in a silent laugh.

"I do, but…" Sara pursed her lips. Tegan waited patiently for her to continue as she chewed on garlic

bread, the crust crispy and the middle as soft as clouds. Absently, she wondered if other people

thought her bread was as good as this. "I feel as if some part of you might not believe me when I tell

you such things. Which is entirely my fault and I know this. I must… You have apologized quite

fervently for the words you said to me that day, but I have yet to give my regrets for what I said."

Tegan shrugged as she chewed. "It's okay."

"But it's not." Sara looked down at her lap. "I really must let you know how much I wish I never

opened my mouth to spew such lies. It was brought on by hurt feelings, which is something I

couldn't have admitted then, but I feel as if I can now. I felt very foolish that day." Tegan rested her

elbows on the table and cushioned her chin on her hand to give Sara her full attention. "The night

before, when we shared our first kiss… I had dreamed up fantasies of what that meant. I

misconstrued reality with my own wishes and when you came to me that next day, it became very

clear that I had been very wrong. I became very defensive and found the way to hurt you the most,

so you would feel the pain I did. It was very immature of me and I cringe to admit such an

embarrassing form of thoughts, but you deserve the truth."

Tegan was focused on only one part of what Sara had just said, familiar guilt flooding through her

chest. "I'm sorry, Sara. I really am-"

"I know." Sara interrupted. "You must not apologize for that anymore. I understand you regret what

you said and you've made it very clear that you do not think such things about me any longer. It is

my turn." She looked at Tegan with sincere, wide eyes. "I do not find you unattractive, Tegan Rain.

Quite the opposite, in fact. And though I feel that would be obvious by now, I can tell that the things

I said to you that day still linger in your mind even when I am lavishing you in my greatest desire for

what you offer. What I said to you has kept you from fully accepting that I truly find you…

unbelievably alluring. I always have. The moment we met, I saw that you were different from anyone

I had ever met. Not only did you not fall to my feet because of my name, but you exude something

I've never seen. Even now, I have met people you surround yourself with, and they still do not

intrigue me the way you do. I find you so very beautiful, Tegan Rain. I never once thought of you as -

what you have said in the past - gross."

Compared to anything she had ever felt in her life, her heart was numb in the past to what she felt

now. Her chest felt warm and her heart was pounding harshly against her ribcage. Daily, she felt far

below Sara on the scale of attractive levels. But Sara, who was gorgeous in ways Tegan had never

seen, thought her beautiful. She was pounding it into Tegan's mind, forcing her to see it. Though it

was unfathomable that someone like Sara looked at her and saw the image of beauty, she wanted to

believe what Sara was saying. So she did.

Her face felt as if it were on fire as her smile threatened to tear her face in two. It was her turn to be

bashful as she looked down at her nearly empty plate of ravioli. "Oh," she whispered. "Even… even

the first day we met?"

"Yes." Sara nodded. "I saw you standing in the foyer wearing a wardrobe no one I had ever

happened upon would dare to, and…" She trailed off in a moment of familiar insecurity, before

continuing with steely confidence, "I saw you and my heart skipped a beat."

"I never would have guessed that." Tegan said truthfully, her own heart stuttering.

"Well, we have established that I am very good at hiding my true feelings." Sara pointed out

hesitantly.

"That's true." Tegan agreed softly. She stored Sara's word away to keep forever, while sending Sara

a teasing grin, "So basically what I'm hearing is that you think I'm a total babe? You saw me and you

wanted to shove me into the nearest closet and have your wicked way with me?" She waggled her

brows with a smug smirk.

Sara bit her bottom lip, gazing out the window at the dark day. Red and blue umbrellas bustled by as

she murmured softly, "More or less, yes. That's what I'm saying."

"It, um..." Tegan chewed on her piercing, sucking it between her teeth. She watched Sara's eyes

zone in on the way the silver ball caught and twisted between her teeth as she forced herself to be

honest. "It… means a lot to me that you think that and that you, uh, were honest about everything. I

love when you open up to me. It makes me…. it makes me just really appreciate you and the fact

that you're in my life." Her cheeks were hot as she ended her awkward mumble with a high, nervous

laugh.

Sara's face softened with a sweet smile. "I am happy to open up to you."

They sat in comfortable silence, listening to the rain hit the roof and background conversation from

the others in the room. Tegan watched a waiter with spiky hair and rectangular glasses bustle

through the tables as she entertained the fantasy of playing footsie with Sara under the table. With

Sara's fancy shoes, she wondered if that would be even allowed. She liked to think it would be.

"You know how school starts back up next week?" She spoke up. Sara took a careful bite of spiced

chicken and nodded. "Well, me and a few people have this tradition to have a party before

semesters start. I want you to come. It'll be in a few days. I think it'd be good for you to meet even

more people. I want my other friends to meet you too."

Sara chewed by barely moving her jaw before taking a sip of water. She wiped the condensation

clinging to her fingertips on her napkin. "I would be welcome?"

"Of course you would be. You can be my plus-one." Tegan grinned.

"I would like that." Sara agreed with a small smile.

"Wow, that was easier than I thought it'd be. You better watch out when we're there, Sara. There's

going to be a ton of gay women and you're new. You haven't dumped anyone's friend or had sex

with someone's ex. They'll be all over you." Tegan warned. Jealousy was thick in her mouth as she

imagined the flock of women who would tower over Sara. They were all attractive in their own ways,

their tactics to reel in women different and clever. Tegan would have to stick to Sara's side and

shoot daggers at all of her friends to keep them away. Actually, maybe it was best if Sara didn't go.

As if reading her thoughts, Sara piped up. "Well, I'm quite satisfied with what I am receiving from

you. I'm not interested in getting involved with anyone else."

Pleased, Tegan smirked. "Well, you haven't seen these ladies yet."

"I don't need to." Sara shrugged one shoulder.

"Cool." Tegan beamed a little too brightly. Inside her pocket, her phone vibrated and distracted her

for a moment as she grabbed it and looked over the message she had just received. It was an

unknown number, but the words connected meaning and a face.

It was nice meeting you today. Hope to see more of you.

She quickly shoved her phone back in her pocket without responding, shaking away thoughts of

Chloe. She didn't know why, but it felt so wrong to see that message while having lunch with Sara. It

made her feel as if she was doing something bad; wrong. Realistically, she knew she was doing

nothing wrong. But it did nothing to qualm the worried twist in her gut.

"So, um," She shook herself as she tried not to think about why her stomach churned with guilt. "Do

you think you'll see Martin soon? It's been a while."

"Not yet." Sara shook her head. "I do not wish to see him until I have a job. I want him to see I am

doing well and can survive out here with ease. I wish to wait, at least for a small while."

"I get that. But you feel like you're adapting well, right? Like, you seem to be doing pretty good, but

how do you feel about it?"

"I feel as if I worried over things that do not actually frighten me. I would fret about the most

mundane issues, but it is actually quite… relaxing being out of my old home. I don't miss my

mother's suffocating requirements. I enjoy spending time with you. Emily and Sarah are very kind to

me." Sara chewed on her bottom lip, reddening the pink flesh. "I don't regret my decision to come

with you. I'm having a good time, for the first time in my life and I have you to thank for that."

Tegan tried to smile around the lip of her cup, succeeding in spilling cold soda down her chin and the

front of her top. "Ah- Shit." She looked down at herself as she set her now dripping cup on the table,

licking her dribbling lips with an embarrassed chuckle. Her shirt was soaked down the front in one

dark streak from the hanging collar to her bellybutton. "Oops."

Sara tossed her head with a soft laugh, the tendons in her neck straining as she hurriedly grabbed

clean napkins from her side of the table and placed them in Tegan's sticky palms. Tears of mirth

were glazed over hazel orbs as her shoulders shook. "Oh, Tegan Rain, you are a mess." she giggled,

biting her lip against her wide grin. She picked up one of the napkins and dabbed the soda trickling

down Tegan's chin before it could land in a pool on her favorite pants. "Look at your shirt, oh my,

you utter goober." Tegan stared at her, heart leaping ridiculously. Instead of insulting her, Sara's

eyes were dancing with affection as she helped her rid the carbonated mess from her skin with the

sweetest laughter.

Chloe who?


	24. Cold Hands, Warm Heart

Tegan awoke groggily. There was rain drizzling outside, she could hear it smacking the window and

sensed that they would be suffering yet another day of gray skies and the television cutting in and

out of signal. She kept her eyes closed, not yet ready to succumb to the day. She couldn't hear Sara

breathing, but she could feel the soft puffs of air brushing over the back of neck, tickling her hair

across her skin. The feeling wrapped her in warmth that felt cloudy in her head and spread out to

her toes.

She loved mornings like these. The days where she woke to Sara still in bed, not yet dressed and

prepared for the hours spent out in the world. She was not nose deep inside a book, her eyes were

not trained on someone elses eyes or the plot of a show on the blinking television, her mind not yet

filled with preoccupying worries. They were just there, living in peace together. And only each other.

She liked to think that in these moments, Sara pretended as if no one else existed the way Tegan

herself did.

She wasn't even sure if Sara was awake, but as she blinked her eyes open, she saw evidence that she

was. A slim, pale hand was hovered inches above Tegan's hip, where her shirt had ridden up in her

sleep to bunch up beneath her bellybutton. Now that she was aware of it, she could feel the cold

presence of Sara's fingers on the heat of her skin.

She kept still, watching Sara's fingers curl almost hesitantly in the air before flexing against her palm.

The process of her fingers flinching almost in preparation and drifting closer to Tegan's hip before

decisively lifting back into the air continued for a few ticking minutes before Tegan could no longer

stand to watch the indecisive fingers hover so close to her without actually feeling them.

Carefully, she lifted her hand from her belly. She reached out and curled her fingers around Sara's

wiggling digits, stilling them as she heard Sara breathe in a sharp intake of surprise. "What are you

thinking about?" she asked softly, afraid to break the tranquility of the rainy morning.

"I…" Sara trailed off for a moment as Tegan squeezed her fingers and interlocked them. Their fingers

brushed so lightly, fitting together in two completely different temperatures. Instead of jerking away,

Sara's fingers hugged Tegan in their clasp, curling against Tegan's knuckles and pressing the flat of

their palms together a bit tighter. Tegan bit her lip. She supposed the morning made Sara just as soft

as Tegan felt, allowing things the brighter part of the day wouldn't allow. Friends held hands, she

told herself to keep from getting to many ideas. Maybe Sara was craving intimacy as much as Tegan,

and she was the nearest source to receive it from. "I awoke with the desire to stir you into

consciousness with my mouth. I was unsure if you would appreciate it. I was battling with myself."

Tegan's hold on Sara's hand intensified as a rush rolled down her body. "For future reference," Her

sleepy voice went deep with the heat springing through her gut, "I will literally always appreciate

your mouth on me, awake for the whole thing or not."

She rolled around to face the other woman. In typical Sara fashion, she looked wide awake despite it

being so early. Her eyes held no trace of sleep, her head rested against the pillows. Her collarbones

looked even sharper than usual under the shadows of the dark morning. Their entangled hands were

settled in the space between them.

"Your eyes…" Sara's voice was soft, her breath hot against Tegan's cheek. "I have a particular

fascination with them when you've only just awoken."

Tegan swallowed so hard she was sure Sara heard it. "Why?" she whispered.

"There is something very soft about them in the mornings… almost childlike. They are fresh and-"

Sara paused and shook her head. "It is hard to describe, but I have affection for whatever it is."

Words that must remain a secret crept up Tegan's throat, begging to be released into the air for

Sara's ears. She felt it so intensely in that moment, love spilling from her heart and running through

every crevice of her body. It was so strong, like a punch in the stomach leaving her breathless. She

wondered what Sara would do if she let go, releasing the truth from her hands to be carried away in

the wind.

Instead of ruining everything, Tegan carefully untangled their fingers to rest her palm on Sara's

cheek. Her thumb traced impossibly soft skin as Sara stared back at her silently, something

unreadable flashing over her face. Tegan inched forward as quiet thunder rumbled above them. A

shy smile graced Sara's face before their lips were melding together, warm and slow. Sara sighed

into the kiss and for a moment, Tegan feared she was boring her. But Sara's hand found her hip and

pulled her in closer, her fingers drifting beneath her top to touch her skin. Tegan's body awoke at

that touch, erupting in goose bumps as a soft noise caught in her throat. Shifting even closer, she

pressed their bodies together and slipped one of her bare legs between Sara's knees as her bottom

lip was traced by a hot tongue.

Their lips smacked, sticking together in protest as they broke apart. There was an understanding in

the look they shared, a heat. A desire for more. They met again, tongues twirling together as Tegan's

fingers slipped into the silky soft hair on the back of Sara's head.

Sara's thumb traced Tegan's hipbone as her fingers clutched the full flesh of her waist. Tegan's

breathing began to grow ragged as she felt the deft digits crawl slowly up the dip of her waist before

lying flat on her stomach. She traced above her bellybutton so lightly Tegan whimpered, her body

igniting with warmth. It rolled over the back of her neck and shook her spine. Even the simplest

touches Sara gave sent need coursing through every square inch of her body, pleading to be

caressed and teased – and fuck, scratched and tugged – until she could no longer think of anything

but where those fingers were exploding sensations beneath. Her body was on pins and needles,

prickling as Sara traced up her stomach. She brushed the curve of one breast, but instead of

kneading the mound like Tegan was hoping, she traced back down the fluttering muscles of her

midsection.

She drifted the tips of her fingers so lightly over Tegan's abdomen it was a mere dust of a touch. She

brushed the line of skin above the wide waistband of Tegan's tight boxers as her tongue rolled inside

of her mouth. Gently, she caught Tegan's bottom lip between her teeth, tugging the pouty flesh back.

Tegan's heavy lids slid open a fraction to peer into Sara's hazel gaze, so close by that she was almost

blurry. With one teasing nip, she released Tegan's lip and ran her tongue over her own. "I adore the

way you feel under my fingers. You are so soft and warm, yet you tighten under my touch." she

whispered. Tracing a line up Tegan's tensing stomach, a small smile flitted over her face. "It makes

my body ache to feel you reacting so strongly."

Tegan's heart was erratic against her ribcage, pressure pulsing between her legs. "What part of me is

your favorite to touch?" she asked; husky, prompting. "What part makes you ache the most?"

"There is not one inch of your body that does not make my own throb, Tegan Rain." Tegan bucked

her hips, seeking friction to soothe her thumping clit at that declaration of arousal. Sara's thigh

nestled against the damp crotch of Tegan's underwear, not moving but simply teasing her with its

presence. Her fingers spread out against Tegan's chest, inching across the valley between her

breasts. She sucked her lip into her mouth, a thoughtful crinkle forming between her brows. "But I

must be honest and admit that when my fingers are deep inside of you… when I can feel you hugging

all around me with such heat, there is not one part of me that does not feel that. That connection,

the way that feels, creates adrenaline inside of me like nothing else." Tegan's teeth scraped over her

piercing as she released her lips to allow them to stretch into a toothy grin, her cheeks blazing at

those words. Sara's eyes seemed to melt, "Except, perhaps… that. Perhaps the adrenaline that

rushes through my body when you smile at me exceeds what I feel when I am inside of you."

"What about when I smile at you while you're inside of me?" Tegan grinned.

Sara giggled and ducked her cheek shyly into the pillows. "That causes me to fear combustion."

Tegan chuckled softly, looking over Sara's pink cheeks and bright eyes as they feel silent. There was a

silent conversation being spoken through their connected gaze. Tegan reigned in the overflowing of

affection and love swelling in her heart, keeping her eyes carefully controlled. She didn't want Sara

to find the truth in her stare while she searched with stupid hope to find more in Sara's orbs. What

she saw there was gentle and sweet as the blunt of Sara's nails dragged up Tegan's chest, only lightly

enough to cause a reaction throughout her entire body. She could feel the shivers rush through her

skin and tingle in her arms. Her pointer finger dipped through her collarbones before her cool palm

was brushing over one breast.

She sucked her piercing into her mouth, her breath catching. Sara noticed, and smiled.

Tegan could see the indentations of Sara's knuckles through her t-shirt as she traced over the full

curve of her breast, zoning in on her nipple languidly. It tingled with the need to be as thoroughly

caressed, and Sara touched her slowly as if she knew how much she needed to be touched fast. But

then her pointer finger was dragging over every bump of tightening skin and the bud was traced

even more softly than the rest of her upper body had been.

She arched into the touch, slapping her hand over Sara's through her top as a quiet moan fell off her

lips.

"May I ask what part my own body is your favorite to touch?" Sara questioned almost sheepishly, as

if ashamed to ask but eager to know the answer.

"You know you can ask me anything." Tegan whispered. Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment as

Sara rolled the pad of her finger over her nipple with the slightest bit of pressure. Tegan sucked in a

calming breath that did nothing to ease the tension extending through her heating body. When she

reopened her eyes, Sara's lip was caught between her teeth. "If you had asked me that a few weeks

ago, I would've cracked someone dumb joke about your ass, but… to be honest, I like all of you.

Every part of you feels good. But I do really like your hands."

"My hands?" Sara parroted curiously.

"They're one of the first things I noticed about you." Tegan nodded, lips parting as Sara began to

carefully knead her breast.

"They are so cold, though. People often flinch from my touch and complain that they can feel it for

minutes after I've ceased our connection. The women I brought to closets whined about it until I

could distract them."

"Cold hands, warm heart." Tegan mumbled breathlessly, holding the front of said cold hand through

her top as her breast was massaged and squeezed. Sara's throat jumped as she swallowed thickly

and Tegan could see through slit eyes that her chest had paused. "Why are you doing that? What are

you feeling?" She questioned, reaching to place her flat palm on Sara's still chest.

"No one has ever called me warm hearted, with how detached I can appear. I am so used to being

referred to as cold and distant." Sara admitted, exhaling softly. "Though I prefer to downplay my

emotions, I must admit it means quite a bit to me that you would think such things of me. Though

not many others do… it's enough for me that you do."

"I don't think it, I know it. You've proven it to me time and time again." Tegan lifted her hand to

brush Sara's hair from her eyes, tucking the strands of her fringe behind her ear. She smiled as the

other woman looked to her, "You're beautiful, Sara. Inside and out. It's a proven fact."

Sara's lips were on hers before she could even blink. There was something passionate and

unrestrained in her kiss, the pressure she was applying almost hard yet oddly tender. Tegan cradled

her jaw in her hand as she replied with her own vigor, parting her lips to find Sara's tongue.

Sara's fingers were lost explorers, drifting between her breasts and waist as if she could not find her

destination, stopping to palm full flesh before slipping down the curve of Tegan's side. Her skin

buzzed beneath the cold touch, her core aching. They only parted to toss Tegan's shirt carelessly to

the floor before they were swallowing soft moans and uneven breathing. They worked together to

tug down Tegan's boxers and unbutton Sara's top, something frenzied in the claw of fingers to

material. But halfway through unsuccessfully fiddling with pesky buttons and yanking at Sara's

blouse, Tegan grew impatient a frustrated growl vibrating through her throat.

Sara laughed into the kiss as she removed her hand from Tegan's body to unbutton the rest with

practiced ease, the silky material falling away into a destination that Tegan's closed eyes would

never be able to help her find later. Lacy underwear met that same unknown spot as she moved

Tegan's leg to wrap around her waist, soft skin slipping together as her lips trailed down Tegan's

neck.

With a hand thrown over her eyes and her head tossed back against the pillows, Tegan searched for

air. Sex was different now that she knew she was in love with the woman currently sucking at her

pulse point. The change was undeniable. It was a carved stone in her chest, poems of something far

beyond desire thudding against her heart with every pulse between her thighs. And when warm skin

met and dark eyes connected, Tegan's brain cruelly warped Sara's touches and murmurs so she - for

the ticking seconds that it lasted - truly believed she was feeling the same. Sara was gentle, that's

just how she was, but when her lips and fingers traced Tegan's body with light precision, it felt like

love. It felt like she was praising her skin and pouring adoration to even the roughest points of

Tegan's heart. It made her so fucking irrational, hope sparking in her chest and whispered words

trying to escape her throat. It was an impulse that was hard to deny. But she swallowed them thickly,

refusing to let her feelings come out. Especially not now, not when Sara's hands were on her ass and

teeth nipping her neck; the words could not be said for the first time, or at all, when there was

wetness leaking onto Sara's hip. No matter how much this felt like Sara was making love to her, no

matter how right it would be to say the truth in this moment, she couldn't. This was emotionless sex

between friends, she had to remind herself of that because nothing else would.

But goddamn it, it didn't feel that way and her eyes were stinging as if she were about to cry. She

refused to make habit of sobbing during or after sex. Sara could reassure her it was fine the first time,

but any other time would push her away. Never had sex been so emotionally exhausting and difficult;

so fucking difficult. She wanted more. She wanted this to mean so much more. She wanted the rise

in Sara's heartbeat to exceed the excitement of arousal. She wanted her care to extend far past

friendship. She wished the touch Sara gave had as much love in it as it felt because, fuck… Sara's

touch was so soft and sweet and not daring to miss one part of Tegan's body. She touched all of her

and she could feel it in her heart. It was torture to know Sara was just fucking her friend when her

cold hand dipped between Tegan's thighs to find the pool glazed over her slit. She was simply

fucking her. There was nothing more there in her mind and it didn't matter what Tegan's own mind

misconstrued it at as.

"Fuck," Tegan cursed, voice gruff and she wasn't sure if it was from pleasure or despair. Her hand

lingered over her eyes, fearful that her thoughts would leak through in salty trails. She made sure

she had her emotions in check before lifting her hand to clutch Sara's shoulder, tugging her closer.

Petite breasts and a stomach that was almost concave it was so flat pressed into her own full,

slightly toned body. She was warm, a pink tint drifting down her neck and to her collarbones. Her

skin was like velvet, so impossibly soft Tegan wondered if she bathed in lotion. There was not one

inch of her that was uninviting; and god, did Tegan search for something unlikable or off putting, but

there was nothing. Sara's body egged her on, imploring her to come closer than was humanly

possible, to sink into her and learn every thought or touch she had ever received, to make up for the

bad and revel in the good. Tegan whimpered, knowing that Sara would let her; she'd open up wider

than she ever dared and allow Tegan to search through her soul until everything was thoroughly

studied and understood. She would do the same to Tegan; she'd learn everything. And though she

would stitch her up and make her better, she'd leave her cold and bare without her warmth to wrap

in once she was fully exposed.

Tegan only realized she had buried her face in the crook of Sara's neck and dug her nails into her

back when Sara suddenly gasped a soft hiss of pain she would never voice. She hurriedly removed

her nails from Sara's skin, soothing the deep half-moons she had left and kissing her neck in apology.

"Sorry. Shit. Sorry."

"It's alright," Sara forgave quietly, her free hand finding Tegan's chin. Her fingers curled around her

jaw, gently urging her to lift her head until their faces were aligned. Tegan looked back at her,

digging one side of her blazing face into the pillows. She gave a small frown, brushing her fingers

down the furrow between Tegan's brows. "Are you okay, Tegan Rain?"

"Yeah." Tegan lied, nodding. She had to stop being such an emotional mess, Sara was sure to grow

bored by it. She curled one side of her mouth into a laidback grin, "You just… you make me feel

really good."

And that was the truth. One long finger was teasing her folds, coating itself in thick fluid. It made her

feel as if she might literally explode; the pressure too much to stand, threatening to drive her to

insanity if it was not relieved. She hiked her leg up higher on Sara's waist, a silent plead to be given

more. To distract her.

Sara's eyes were steady on her own, asking for eye contact that Tegan could not deny her. She

skimmed her damp finger through the most intimate part of Tegan's body, dipping through her folds

as if she were going to enter her before dragging up to brush over her clit. Tegan sucked in a sharp

breath, her lashes fluttering, but she kept heavy lids open to peer back into blown pupils so close by.

Her lips parted to aid her squeezing lungs as two fingers spread her other set of lips to move past the

hood to find Tegan's exposed bundle of nerves. She was never aware of how hot her body felt until

Sara's icy fingers found the tiny fires.

She moaned, sucking her piercing into her mouth. Sara was rubbing the lightest circles, a ghost of a

proper touch. Her finger then changed to flick her clit from side to side, building the tiniest bit of

pressure with every swipe to the left. She never sped up, her eyes drifting between Tegan's arched

brows and heaving chest. Her nipples were hard against Tegan's heated skin, and she was beginning

to feel Sara drip onto the leg wedged between the slighter woman's thighs. Their combined scents

were strong in the air, and Tegan breathed in the combination through her nose to paint it in her

mind; this moment of unity.

Sara rolled over her clit with hard strokes, her finger gradually drifting lower until she was suddenly

inside of her. Tegan hugged her digit as a second was added and with a chocked gasp, a third. There

was a small flash of pain, as it had been far too long since she had been so full. But Sara was quick to

find that spot deep inside of her, curling over it to replace her discomfort with intensified pleasure.

"Is this okay? Am I hurting you?" Sara asked in worry.

"No, no, it feels so good. Don't stop." Tegan moaned. She wrapped her arm around Sara, holding the

back of her neck to brush over curling, short hair. She fisted the hair she could reach, a groan stuck

in her straining throat. Sara was barely thrusting, pumping only enough to slip halfway out of her

before she was back to lighting sparks behind Tegan's eyes with her skimming fingers. The heel of

her palm squished against her swollen clit as her fingers were sucked deeper into Tegan, her

knuckles buried inside of her clenching heat.

The bed squeaked as Tegan rocked her hips. Her leg was squeezing Sara's hip so tightly she worried

she was hurting her, marking her with bruises. Her breath was a mere cycle of airy whimpers as she

hugged Sara to her front, undulating her body like rolling waves as she pooled in Sara's palm. Her

tongue danced with Sara's name like a prayer, heat prickling at her back until sweat broke out under

her hairline.

Her release was approaching steadily, gradually building like a storm in her gut. But then Sara was

reaching even further inside of her, rubbing all three fingers over the spongy spot as her heel rubbed

hard into her clit and she could see the point of no return, rushing towards it on tingling toes. "Oh

my god. Right there! Fuck, Sara, right there." She panted like a delirious fool after days under the

blazing sun, mind clogged with only the ecstasy swallowing her whole. Her toes curled into her feet,

her fingers grabbing at Sara's sweat slickened back and nails clawing. She could no longer keep her

eyes open as they squeezed shut, rolling into the back of her head as loud cries grew ragged and the

bed screeched with the effort of her thrusts.

Air evaded her, her mind ages away as all she could concentrate on was the bliss crawling up her

spine. She would be embarrassed by herself later, growling expletives as she fucked herself on Sara's

skilled fingers and dragged her nails down Sara's back. That familiar pressure only Sara could seem

to create clouded her mind from anything other than it's ticking second from exploding.

And then it did. She felt Sara hurriedly, but carefully, exit her as she gushed all over their stomachs.

She was only half aware of the scream that ripped through her throat as Sara's dripping fingers were

suddenly on her overly sensitive clit, rubbing such quick circles that her legs shook.

Was she coming twice? Or was she still coming for the first time? Her numb mind had no answers to

the questions lurking vaguely behind the screen her nirvana had placed between rationality and

what she was feeling in that moment. She had never felt so wet as fluid continued to rush out her,

dripping down her thighs and dampening the bed sheets. She gasped Sara's name, holding her as

stability to keep from floating away.

"I have you." Sara's voice sounded far away, but her breath was hot against Tegan's ear, the hand

not rubbing her clit brushing through her sweaty fringe.

Tegan assumed these were the moments that made atheists claim they had seen god. Lights were

shooting behind her eyes as thousands of waves crashed into her over and over until it was almost

close to hurting. She was seconds away from begging for it to stop; she couldn't take it, she wanted

to cry, it was too fucking much to handle.

But Sara always seemed to predict what she needed, and her hand was off of her clit. It wasn't

immediate, but she could feel the pleasure waving off. It was slow, leaving her in a daze as it

gradually disappeared until nothing was left but a dull thud. Her tight muscles relaxed and she fell

limply into the bed, lying still for what felt like hours.

She slowly became aware of Sara petting through her hair, her touch soft. With effort, she peeled

her wide eyes open to gaze at the other woman.

"You are teary-eyed." Sara whispered, brushing her thumb across the tears clinging to Tegan's lashes.

Tegan opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She paused to clear her throat before trying again.

"I think…" Her voice was rough, her throat sore. "I think I just came like, four times in a row. Is that

possible? I think I just did."

"I became a bit selfish. I desired to do as such. I apologize." Sara mumbled sheepishly.

"Never… ever… apologize for that." Tegan lifted a shaky hand to poke Sara on the end of her nose. "I

mean… Holy shit, Sara. You're fucking amazing. I've never felt like that before. I've never screamed,

for fucks sake."

Sara ducked her head, the blush on her cheeks intensifying until she was rosy red. "I enjoy hearing

you become so unraveled." she said shyly, her eyes avoiding Tegan's awed stare. "Though, I'm not

sure the neighbors would feel the same. I believe we just woke up the whole apartment complex."

"Good." Tegan chuckled.

"I hope Emily was able to sleep through such noise, however." Sara bit her lip worriedly, but Tegan

snorted.

"You have no idea how many times I have heard Emy's weird banshee cry. This is karma. I hope she

did hear it." Tegan smirked, pleased with herself. "After spending so many nights with the pillow

over my head to block her out, she deserved that."

Sara's brows flew up her forehead as she giggled, shoulders shaking with mirth. "Banshee cry?" she

repeated.

"Yeah," Tegan nodded, joining her in a laugh that cramped her stomach. "I've never slept with Emy,

but from what I've heard… I don't think I'd be interested. She sort of sounds like she's being attacked.

I told her that once and she slapped me over the head with a phone book."

Sara slapped a hand over her mouth to contain her sweet laughter. "Oh my, I feel quite bad for

laughing."

"Don't." Tegan grinned, "She'll probably say the same about me whenever I see her later."

"You sound nothing of a banshee, Tegan Rain," Sara bit her smiling bottom lip. "You sound quite

beautiful in the throes of your pleasure."

"So do you, Sara." Tegan ran her hands up Sara's damp back and cringed as she found rising welts

created by her dragging nails. She soothed the red lines with a tender touch. "Shit, I'm sorry about

these. I got carried away."

Sara shook her head, "I will wear them with pride."

"C'mere." Tegan cupped Sara's cheek and brought their lips together. Her hand drifted down Sara's

neck and brushed past her breasts. She found the wetness on Sara's stomach before she wrapped

around her waist. She sucked Sara's tongue between her lips, satisfaction spiking through her body

as Sara moaned very, very softly.

Their tongues met and the hand that hand not been between Tegan's thighs was woven in her hair,

Sara pulling her closer until her nose was squished against her cheek. She grinned into the kiss,

trailing her hand to grip Sara's ass. Her kiss grew aggressive, both their breathing speeding back up.

She could feel how much Sara needed her from the wetness pressed against her thigh as she kissed

down Sara's neck, tugging at thin skin with her teeth and sucking at her fluttering point. But she

wasn't ready to give it to her just yet.

Kissing across Sara's sharp collarbones, she slid further down the bed. She left open mouthed kisses

on Sara's pink chest as her hands roamed across her soft thighs. Her tongue traced the valley

between Sara's breasts, and Sara's breathing paused while her fingers tightened in Tegan's hair.

Tegan didn't bother to stop her ministrations and call her out, allowing her the coping skills she had

been relying on for so long. She dusted open lips across the swell of one breast, sucking the skin

above Sara's nipple. She glanced up through her lashes to see Sara bite her bottom lip and close her

eyes as she sucked the straining bud into her mouth.

Sara's back arched into the heat of Tegan's sucking lips. She skimmed the tip of her tongue over the

nipple, earning a soft whimper from Sara. She tightened her lips and rolled the flat of her tongue

over the bud. Her other hand drifted from Sara's ass to cup her neglected breast, kneading the small

mound under her palm. She was relentless, intensifying her sucks and circling her tongue as Sara

gasped, her hips unintentionally bucking. She was so sensitive that Tegan was fairly sure that if she

sucked long enough, she could make her come without even dipping between her thighs.

She pondered experimenting with that hypothesizes as she took Sara's now puffy and red nipple

between her teeth. Sara threw her head back with a quiet moan, her knees squeezing around

Tegan's thighs as she attempted to rub her own together.

A wicked grin stretched over Tegan's face. She sucked harder over Sara's nipple, watching with

extreme pleasure as Sara writhed on the damp sheets, nibbling on her lip as she refused to plead for

Tegan to do more. She didn't have to voice her desire, as it was clear from her furrowed brows and

constant wiggling that pressure was building uncomfortably between her thighs.

Releasing Sara's swollen nipple, she moved across her chest to capture its twin carefully between

her teeth. She moved her hands down Sara's clenched stomach. She brushed her hairless mound

before wrapping around to find her ass, teasing her. She barely grazed her teeth over Sara's nipple

before sucking it between her lips to give it the same treatment as the other. Sara moaned quietly,

her chin pointing heavenward.

Tegan's core was exhausted, but stirred in interest when Sara tugged at her hair, a pleasant sting

building at her scalp. Her back was snapped into an tight arch as Tegan tugged her nipple back and

let it snap back in place before kissing back up the tendons of her neck. She buried her face in the

crook of Sara's neck, taking in her scent. It was more intense than usual with the sweat glazed over

her skin, but she still smelled so… clean. Tegan nuzzled her nose beneath her ear and felt her hair

tickle her cheek as she breathed her in for a moment, catching a whiff of her shampoo.

She scraped her teeth on the soft spot beneath Sara's ear, allowing her breath to brush over

sensitive skin. She saw Sara wrack with a shiver as goose bumps erupted over her body. She grinned

to herself as she whispered into Sara's red ear, "I want you to ride my tongue." Sara stopped

breathing, her hand tightening in Tegan's hair. "I want to feel you dripping down my chin."

She gripped Sara's waist and moved onto her back, flipping Sara so she was lying on top of her.

Sara's bottom lip was tight between her teeth, hair falling damply over her eyes as she raised herself

to her knees. Lightening flashed over her tight body as Tegan stared up at her, lowering herself

further down the bed until her feet met the end of the mattress.

The view Tegan had was one she wanted stamped into her brain forever. When she was eighty, her

mind deteriorating and her skin loose with wrinkles, she wanted to be able to see the memory they

were creating in extreme, vivid detail. Round thighs wrapped around Tegan's temples, leading up to

sharp hipbones poking against thin, pale skin. A thin stomach was clenched and showing off tight

abdominal muscles as perky breasts, darkened with bruises from her own mouth, lifted to heavy

breathing. A long neck was decorated in popping veins as dark eyes peered down at her through a

curtain of brunette bangs. She looked slick- so firm, under the dark morning sky as thunder roared

somewhere close by. Her lips were pursed with anticipation, lust heavy in the blush on her cheeks

before suddenly parted lips were slightly puffy from kissing.

Tegan grinned, and she knew Sara could tell from the crinkles around her eyes as she gave a soft

giggle and shook her head as if exasperated. Her fingers touched Tegan's thighs as she reached

behind herself for balance, spreading a chill through the length of Tegan's legs.

Tegan dropped her eyes to the coated slit inches from her lips. Sara's pussy was red with arousal, clit

swollen and entrance glazed with wetness that was beginning to accumulate into a drip from gravity.

Tegan lifted her head slightly and dipped her tongue into the pool only enough to catch the drop on

her tongue. A string connected the tip of her tongue to Sara's folds before it snapped and dribbled

down Tegan's chin. She rubbed her lips together as the taste exploded on her tongue and coated her

mouth.

Sara was, as always, patient. Her fingers flinched into the flesh of Tegan's thighs and she could hear

her ragged breathing as she ceased her teasing. She wrapped her arms around Sara's lower back,

guiding her further down in permission to grind into her face as much as she pleased. Sara seemed

to understand the silent allowance as her hips bucked the slightest bit over Tegan's lips. Tegan

drifted her hands lower, grabbing both of Sara's cheeks between her palms and separating them to

open her up further.

Sara's scent was intoxicating, completely taking over any other thought Tegan could form. It was

heady and so strong as she ran the flat of her tongue up her slit.

Sara gave a soft whine above her, and when Tegan gazed up she saw she had thrown her head back

towards the ceiling. She sucked her lips around Sara's clit and shook her head to tug it back and forth.

Sara's grip on her thighs grew harsh, bruising the soft skin as she rolled her hips and whimpered. Her

collar bones stuck out under the shadows and her chest paused as Tegan teased her clit with the tip

of her tongue in half circles, rolling over the hood and pushing past it to swirl over the exposed

button. A feminine cry was quiet above her as she ventured down to Sara's entrance. She was

leaking even more than before, pooling in a thick seep of fluid that Tegan eagerly lapped with a

curling tongue. She swallowed everything Sara offered, flicking her tongue over every string that

dared to miss her mouth to land on the corner of her lips before going back to collecting the juices

with a back and forth rolling motion of her strong muscle.

She was being selfish, drinking Sara in as if that was the only nourishment she needed, but Sara was

moaning so softly above her, like a muffled song in the distance, as blunt nails dug into her legs. Her

body ground down, squishing Tegan's nose and making it nearly impossible to breathe, but she no

longer cared about oxygen. Her tongue traced up and down her slit, tugging at her clit only

momentarily just to feel Sara's core jerk against her chin and her breath pause. She slipped between

her slick folds and felt wetness trickle down both her cheeks as she stiffened her tongue and with

one easy push, she was surrounded by Sara's heat.

"Tegan Rain," Sara breathed like a prayer.

Tegan moaned, her own clit twitching. She widened her legs to find air to her heated core as she

released Sara's bum from her tight hold. Her hands were immediately being snarled between Sara's

fingers as she held their hands against her thighs, her body lifting up and down on Tegan's wriggling

tongue. Her fingers tightened as she gasped. Tegan squeezed them in response.

She looked up and Sara's breasts bounced to her quick and desperate rocks. Tegan curled her

tongue and searched through hot walls to trace over the places the woman above her needed her

the most. She sucked her lips and felt her jaw tightened in protest as she shoved her face even

further into Sara's pussy. Sara's ground her clit against Tegan's nose as a high-pitched moan met

crashing thunder.

Sara had already been worked up to a near peak after fucking Tegan and being teased, so when her

movements grew more erratic and she began to tighten, Tegan added new vigor to her thrusting.

Her hands beginning to sweat against Sara's cold digits, she lifted her twinging neck to bury herself

in wetness as her lips made soft smacks and her tongue roamed as quickly as she could force it to.

Her own pussy twitched in jealousy as Sara's breathing turned into a slew of whimpers and soft

hisses, her fingers cutting off circulation to Tegan's hand.

"Oh, Tegan Rain, I'm… I'm-" Sara suddenly released a high moan, her body freezing. Her head was

tossed back as she pulsed around Tegan's tongue and poured into her mouth. Tremors shook her

spine and Tegan stopped her movements to let her ride out her pleasure, gently rubbing her thumbs

across Sara's squeezing hands.

Tegan waited until Sara's shaking ceased before she slipped out of her. Wetness went with her,

coating her chin as she sucked her folds between her lips. Sara murmured tiny noises while Tegan

cleaned her, avoiding her clit as she licked away every drop of fluid.

When she was satisfied with the job she had done, she pushed herself back up the bed. She tugged

at Sara's hands, aiding her shaky limbs to lie flat against Tegan's sweaty body. When every part of

them was aligned, Tegan shook away Sara's hand and wrapped her arms around her back, carefully

flipping them so Sara was sunk into the mattress.

She smiled down at the slightly dazed look on Sara's face as she rubbed their noses together. Sara's

mouth slid into a gentle smile as she giggled softly, lifting her neck to meet their lips in a similar kiss.

Her fingers combed through Tegan's hair as Tegan dipped her tongue into her mouth, offering her a

taste of herself. Sara moaned into her mouth as her legs moved to wrap around Tegan's waist,

tugging her closer until the hair between Tegan's thighs met Sara's bare mound.

"If we continue to be intimate during storms, we will adapt a Pavlovian response to rain." Sara said

when they parted.

Tegan threw her head back with a guffaw, shoulders shaking. "I'm totally cool with that."

Sara reached out and grabbed the discarded blanket and used it as a rag to wipe Tegan's face off

with the gentle touch akin to a mother cleaning a cut on her child's knee. "I'm still turned on." Tegan

admitted with little shame, "But I'm also really sleepy."

"If you sleep, I will be here to tend to your needs when you wake." Sara responded, brushing her

fingers through Tegan's damp fringe.

"Are you going to go back to sleep?" Tegan asked. She slowly detached herself from Sara's embrace,

their skin sticking together until she was lying on her stomach and facing Sara with heavy blinks.

"It is a possibility I am leaning towards, yes." Sara draped the blankets over Tegan's naked back and

crawled beneath them when she was completely covered to the room. "It is such a dreary morning

that I cannot help but think sleep is the only option. Either I will sleep or read. I have yet to decide,

as my mind is still buzzing from the pleasure you have given me."

With her eyes shut, Tegan gave a crooked grin. "I'm always totally happy to offer my, like, services or

whatever." Her voice was thick with drowsiness tethering her to approaching dreams.

"And you reach far beyond sufficient in your outstanding offer of service." Sara giggled. Tegan felt

her fingers trail down the length of her spine beneath the blankets, brushing down the dip of her

back before venturing back up. It soothed her, lulling her closer to the clouds in her head.

"Mmm… that feels good," she murmured. She sighed contently and snuggled into the pillows. "Night,

Sara."

Sara's lips were hot as they pressed chastely against her shoulder. "I wish you sweet dreams, Tegan

Rain."

Thunder shook the walls and screeched through the sky, shocking Tegan awake. She lifted her head

in groggy confusion, "The fuck?"

"It has been doing that for quite a while." Tegan turned her head to see Sara reading. Her back was

rested against the headboard, her chest naked and her legs wrapped in the blankets. She didn't look

up from the graphic novel Tegan had bought her yesterday. "I am surprised it has not woken you

sooner. It was atrociously loud earlier."

Tegan grunted and rolled onto her back. Her knuckles dug into her eyes, exploding swirls of color as

her back arched in a stretch. "How long was I asleep?"

"I believe it was only for two hours, but I myself dozed for a short time so I cannot be sure." Sara

tore her eyes from the open pages of her novel to smile down at her. "You seemed to be having a

dream full of communication. You were mumbling unintelligibly for a good hour."

Tegan slapped a hand over her eyes as she laughed, "Oh, shit. Was I really? Did I say anything you

understood?"

"I believe you were talking about a cat at one point." Sara giggled.

"I think I remember something about a huge cat in my dream!" Tegan dropped her hand to look up

at Sara with wide eyes. "That's insane. And a little embarrassing."

"Do not be embarrassed. I found it rather endearing."

Tegan grinned up at Sara's soft eyes. She patted her empty stomach, "I'm so fucking hungry. I think

I'm gonna make some toast. Want any?"

She swung her legs off the side of the bed and ran a hand through her hair. She tamed the sticking

up locks as best as she could before standing with a yawn. She padded bare feet on the floor and

tugged her dresser open, fetching a clean pair of boxers to hop into.

"To eat in bed? What about crumbs?" Sara questioned, her eyes dropping to appreciate Tegan's

breasts.

Tegan noticed with a silently pleased smirk. "It'll be on a plate, duh." She walked to the closet,

flicking on the light to find her favorite hoodie. Hangers scraped the pole above her as she searched

through Sara's peacoats and her own faux leather jackets until she found the warm, black material.

She yanked it off the hanger and slipped her arms through the holes as she walked out of the closet

and quirked a brow at Sara. "We've got strawberry jammm." she sang, taunting Sara with what she

had learned Sara loved the most from her time at the mansion.

Sara's lips stretched into a relenting smile, "I would love some."

Tegan grinned, jerking the zipper up to cover her torso and throwing the hood over her head to hide

her messy hair. "I'll be right back." She winked, disappearing behind the door.

Rain pelted the windows as she scuffled to the kitchen, digging her toes in the carpet as she forcibly

did not think about how domestic and natural this all felt with Sara.

Emy was seated at the table under the kitchen window with a drawing pad adorning thick, bold lines

of charcoal. Her hair was in a messy bun that flopped on one side of her head as she looked up to

raise her brows at Tegan's beaming grin, fingers dirtied with black smudges and pajamas stretched

with sleep.

"Hey, Em."

"Tegan." Emy responded, one brow high on her forehead. "Finally tear yourself from bed?"

"It's, like," Tegan peered at the green numbers on the stove as she retrieved the bread from the

cabinets, "ten in the morning."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Emy rolled her eyes. They squinted in disgust as Tegan

twisted the plastic bag open. "You better wash your hands."

"My hands didn't do any of the work." Tegan replied slyly, pointedly ripping a piece of soft bread

with her teeth.

"Gross." Emy's nose wrinkled.

Tegan gave an evil chuckle as she popped two pieces of bread into the toaster and slammed the

lever down. She stuffed her offending hands into her hoodie's pockets as she looked over Emy's

shoulder at her new art. "What're you drawing?"

"I'm drawing what it feels like to be woken up at seven in the morning by your best friend having a

screaming orgasm." Emy grumbled dryly.

Tegan tilted her head at the harsh, abrupt lines. "It looks like lightning bolts kind of."

"It's also influenced by the weather." Emy deadpanned. She looked over her shoulder to look at

Tegan with a perched brow. "Seven in the morning, Tee. You were being louder than I've ever heard

before and I hate you."

Tegan gave a shrug, her smile unwavering. "Remember that time you and Sarah woke me up at

three in the morning when I had class the next morning by banging on the wall? Remember 'ride you

like a horse'? Because I do. I still hear it in my nightmares, Emy."

"Fuck off." Emy slapped her arm with a begrudging grin. "We were drunk and I said I was sorry. Like

you should be doing right now because holy shit, Tegan, what was she doing to you? Beating you

with a paddle? You were so fucking loud."

Tegan snorted, "Yeah, oops. She wasn't hitting me with anything, loser." With a mechanical creak,

the toast popped up all crisped to a light brown. She made her way to the fridge and opened the

steel doors to search for the jam.

"What was she doing then?" Emy prodded curiously.

"Well, it was hard for me to tell." Tegan found the strawberry jam and then turned to the cabinets to

find paper plates and peanut butter for herself. "But I'm pretty fucking sure she was making me

come four times in a row. One after another after another, before the first one could even stop."

"Damn." Emy appraised, eyebrows high on her forehead. "You think she'd want to experiment in a

threesome with me and Sarah?"

Tegan pointed a butter knife threateningly in Emy's direction as she growled, "Watch yourself,

Storey. I'm a cook. I know how to use a knife."

Emy held her hands up in defense, a small grin tugging at her lips as Tegan turned to spread the

condiments over the toast. "She's all yours, tiger."

Tegan sighed, her heart dropping as she tossed the knife into the sink to clean later. "I wish." she

muttered bitterly.

Emy's eyes grew sad and sympathetic. Her shoulders slumped as she sighed, "Shit, Tegan, I'm sor-"

"Don't. It's fine." Tegan was quick to pour two glasses with orange juice and rush towards the exit,

juggling plates and cups. "It's totally fine. Go back to hating me for waking you up and then loathe

me because Sara promised to 'tend to my needs' when I woke up."

Emy's head thudding against the table and low groan echoed down the hall as Tegan crowed with

laughter.

Her door was kicked open and closed behind herself with one foot as she grinned at Sara, who was

in the same position she had left her in. "I come bearing strawberry jam and orange juice."

Sara giggled. She closed her novel and set it on the bedside table as she collected her plate and juice.

"Thank you, Tegan Rain."

"You got it, handsome." Tegan responded. She plopped down in front of Sara on the bed, her legs

crossed as a makeshift table for her plate. She took a large bite of toast, peanut butter sticking to the

roof of her mouth and teeth. "Can I ask you something?" she asked around a mouthful.

"Of course." Sara nodded, taking a much smaller bite of her own bread. Jam clung to her lips. Tegan

wanted to lick it off, but she held herself back. Jesus, she was insatiable.

"Is, uh… is sex better with a gay woman or a straight one? Like…" She paused and gulped down

tangy juice as Sara knitted her brows. "Like you had sex with all these straight chicks, right? So you

probably liked it or whatever. But is it better with a woman who likes women? Or am I, like, tooting

my own horn or something?"

"I believe it is far less about sexuality, and much more about the fact that it is you." Sara dropped

her eyes to her plate, shrugging and causing her breasts to sway. "I enjoy being intimate with you

simply because you are you."

Tegan felt her cheeks heat as she teased, "So it has nothing to do with my skills?"

Sara gave a sweet laugh, "Your skill is strongly enjoyable because it comes from you. You could be

awful yet I would still crave to have intercourse with you, but that is not the case. You can create

things in my body that leave me in awe."

Tegan wolfed down another few bites before talking. "You know you don't have to woo me, right?

You've already got a free access pass into my bed." She beamed. "Whether it's to sleep, have sex

with me, or just chill out and read."

Sara swallowed a piece of bread and smiled, "I enjoy complimenting you through the truth."

Tegan crammed the last bit of toast into her mouth before tossing the plate carelessly to the bedside

table. She chugged her juice and set the cup aside as she grabbed her cellphone. Messages were

lighting up her screen. Ted was informing her the details of the party tomorrow, Hesta was

demanding she bring a buffet of food, and Chloe was wishing her a good morning. Tegan responded

quickly, but ignored that last message. She wondered how many times she could ignore her new

friend before it became rude.

She watched Sara as she finished her toast. Sara stared back at her in silence, chewing carefully and

making sure her crumbs landed on the plate instead of the bed. Tegan cracked a grin at that and

tugged her hood further down her face as she waited for Sara to sip her juice and sit her plate aside.

When the bed was clear of disposable dishes, Tegan slowly dragged the zipper of her hoodie down

until her stomach and the swell of her breasts were exposed to Sara's dropping eye. "Get on your

back and spread your legs." she demanded huskily.

Sara complied without any protest. She wiggled her way down the bed and threw the blankets off to

expose every inch of her pale body. From her spot near the end of the bed, Tegan had a perfect view

of her pussy, still wet from their earlier activities, as she splayed her legs.

Tegan stood, her head safely feet away from the ceiling as she kicked off her boxers and let them fall

to the ground. She stepped over Sara, feet on either side of her hips. Her head cocked to the side,

she watched Sara's eyes dip between her thighs before crawling up the length of her body until their

eyes met, desire clear in enlarged pupils. Tegan dropped to her knees, causing Sara to bounce and

the mattress to groan. She dropped herself on all fours, their bodies not quite touching. She could

feel the presence of Sara's warm skin on her nipples, a mere brush away from touching Sara's chest.

She leaned forward on her elbows and met their lips in a soft kiss that Sara eagerly reciprocated,

lifting her head from the pillows to deepen it further. Her tongue was hot on Tegan's lips for

permission she didn't have to ask for. Tegan parted her lips, tasting the jam on Sara's tongue. It

made her knees weak, her bones shaking.

The other woman gripped either side of Tegan's open hoodie, tugging her closer with a soft moan

when their nipples met. Tegan felt Sara widen her legs, the front of her thighs meeting the back of

Tegan's own. It shot something feral and hungry in Tegan, and she growled against Sara, who

whimpered heatedly in response.

Tegan rocked her body back and forth slowly. She let the hard buds of her nipples graze over Sara's,

sliding easily over the sensitive pink nerves like trailing fingers. Sara forced her closer with her tight

grip on her hoodie and arched her back to cause them to rub more thoroughly. Tegan rolled her

shoulders, circling her nipples around Sara's as their tongues danced. Her body pulsed to every soft

breath catching against her cheek before Sara gave a long, deep moan full of need.

Breaking their kiss, Tegan shoved her hand past her own legs to slip between Sara's thighs. She was

moist and hot under her fingertips, seeping with juices that clung, thick and desperate despite how

short they had been kissing. Tegan scissored her swollen clit between her pointer finger and thumb,

lightly jerking it up and down. She watched Sara's eyes flutter shut as her throat moved to a hard

swallow.

Tegan's heart was slamming into her ribcage as she soothed the twitching button in in jerky back

and forth motions. Sara's back arched, her nipples standing in the air as she gasped. Her hands slid

beneath the flaps of Tegan's hoodie to clutch her back. She tugged her down until their skin met and

Tegan was lying between her open legs, Sara's knees swaying at level with their shoulders.

Beneath her, Sara's eyes slit open. She bit her lip and opened her mouth as if she wanted to say

something. Tegan waited, petting Sara's clit lightly; patiently. She was clearly fighting with herself,

embarrassed to speak up. But Tegan gave her a look, imploring her to open up the way they had

both been learning to do with each other.

"Tegan Rain," Sara's voice was a whisper, "I… would like to feel you inside of me. Please."

Tegan felt pride leak into her blood as she beamed down at Sara, her hood hanging just above her

brows. "Good girls always get what they want." She praised, dipping into the river beneath Sara's clit.

She felt Sara's core jerk at her words as her body shivered and her hands clutched Tegan's back even

tighter. Tegan slipped inside of her, feeling hot walls suck her in further until she was tapping the

spot she knew like the back of her hand. Sara moaned. "Is this where you want me, Sara?"

"Yes," Sara breathed. "This is exactly where I want you."

Tegan couldn't help but douse that in meaning it didn't have. She pumped in and out of Sara with

two fingers, her heart quick to every whimper Sara emitted. She was gorgeous, opening herself up

and slick with sweat as she bounced on Tegan's fingers, her hips snapping in ways she never would

have done the first time they had done this. She never would have been so vulnerable or clear with

her desire. But now she was because they were here; growing together. She felt like a better person

than she had been two months ago, nearly three, and she wondered if Sara did too. But she wanted

to be even better, she wanted to be a better person for Sara. She wanted to be the perfect person

for both of them. She wanted to be everything Sara could ever need or want.

She made love to her slowly and carefully, rolling her thumb over her clit as she kept her thrusts soft.

Sara's back grew tighter and tighter, her legs squeezing Tegan's hips until she was gasping with every

breath and whispering Tegan's name under her search for air.

Tegan felt utterly devoted. She felt devoted to Sara's pleasure, her life… her heart. She was at her

feet, prepared to do anything and everything for her. She wanted to give Sara the world in that

moment, her body melting as Sara seeped into her palm, so close to a climax that the circulation in

her fingers was being completely cut off.

And then Sara was crushing her to her front, whispering her name like she was new to the earth and

it was the first name she had ever heard. And Tegan's heart felt too full, needing a way out; wanting

to share what it felt.

"I lov-"

Tegan froze, horrified with what she was about to admit. Her body went cold as fear gripped her

throat. Sara gasped against her ear as she slowly came down from her high. She dropped her head

from the crook of Tegan's neck to look her in the eye, cheeks blazing. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch

that." she breathed, finding air once more.

Relief flooded through Tegan's paused system, but alongside it was something sad and disappointed.

Some part of her wished Sara had heard and understood, so the truth was out there and off her

shoulders. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "It, uh, it was nothing."

Sara looked over her face, lifting a hand to tuck Tegan's fringe behind her bent ear, "Are you sure?"

Tegan dropped her eyes with a nod. "Yeah," she mumbled. "It was nothing."


	25. To Act Like A Kid Again

The moment the front door was creaking open and Tegan and Emy shuffled inside from their quick

grocery shopping trip, Sara's head popped expectantly around the kitchen hall.

"Tegan Rain!" She greeted with a bright smile that showed off all her teeth. The rest of her body

rounded around the corner and Tegan blinked in surprise at the sight of her. No longer wearing the

button down she had dressed in this morning, her torso was covered in Tegan's own favorite black

hoodie. The material was loose and casual around her frame, zipped to expose only the length of her

collarbones. Her hands were protected by the oven mittens decorated in tiny cat faces Tegan had

bought when she and Emy first rented the apartment, and her cheeks marred a heated flush. "I've

just taken out the cookies you have prepared for tonight. They look beyond adequate to my

untrained eye, but you should probably assess them to see if they are to your standards."

Dropping the plastic bags to the floor carefully, Tegan took four quick steps to Sara. She grabbed a

fistful of the hoodie, tugging Sara to her front with heat coiling between her legs. Sara made a soft

sound of surprise, her lips taken in a hard kiss between Tegan's slightly rough sucks. She ran her

tongue over Sara's plump bottom lip before parting with a small smack. It was probably a little too

forward to do such a thing, but Sara was practically begging to be kissed. A person couldn't run

around looking as cute as she did and not expect to be kissed.

She opened her eyes to see Sara's lips parted and eyes still shut. She smoothed the wrinkles she had

created in the hoodie's material before running her fingertips over the hot flesh of Sara's cheek.

"They look good?" Her voice was a tad husky, embarrassing her with her obvious showcase of

emotions.

Sara's eyes fluttered open, lashes brushing the rise of her cheekbones as she bit her bottom lip

against a shy smile. She body lulled forward as if propelled to Tegan before she righted herself with a

lifetime skill of correcting her behavior and blinked dilated eyes. "Yes," her voice was a tad

breathless as she nodded, "They look soft and moist. I had to refrain myself from sneaking a few

bites, if I am to be honest."

"You can have one before we leave, you know." Tegan grinned. She leaned forward and dropped her

voice to a mock conspiratorial whisper, "I won't tell anyone."

Sara gave a giggle, her eyes darting between Tegan's eyes and lips. She roped Tegan in as her tongue

poked out to slide across her own lips quickly, turning everything else around them into white noise;

blurred into nothingness.

"Well, I'm definitely going to eat one before we leave. Or five." Emy's voice threw Tegan back into

reality and reminded her that other people existed. She took a small step away from Sara, whose

cheeks grew even darker as she looked up at Emy with a polite smile.

"Hello, Emily. Did you find everything you needed at the store?" She asked, clapping together her

mitten covered hands and holding them to her chest. Her eyes were big and glinting, lips red and

temptingly full. The hoodie was sliding a few inches down one shoulder to expose the strap of her

blue bra resting on a sharp bone of pale flesh. Tegan considered throwing her up against the wall

and dropping to her knees in front of god and everyone.

"I did." Emy gave Sara a smile. Her face adorned friendly affection as she looked Sara up and down.

"You look nice all casual in a hoodie. It's different. I like it." Tegan nodded in agreement probably a

bit too enthusiastically, like a dog awaiting a treat waving in its face.

Sara looked between the two women before dropping eyes to the floor with a modest smile. "Oh.

Thank you." Her wavy fringe fell over her face and curled around the angle of her jaw. "I hope you

do not mind my borrowing this, Tegan Rain. I grew quite cold and did not wish to wear any of my

heavy coats around the home."

The rain had let off this morning, and though the sun was peeking orange rays through puffy clouds,

it left behind a strong chill. It felt like fall outside, the wind whipping with a nip that forced citizens to

bundle in coats they had retired to the back of their closets. Tegan embraced the weather's abrupt

change, ecstatic to layer a hoodie and her favorite olive green army jacket once again.

"I told you my closet is your closet, Sara." She reminded her. "Besides you look super cute, I couldn't

be mad even I wanted to be. Are you gonna wear it tonight?"

"Oh, definitely not." Sara shook her head, as if offended at the insinuation. "It would not be proper

for me to present myself so casually to a group of strangers upon our first meeting."

"Yeah, I thought so. It didn't hurt to ask." Tegan chuckled faintly. Her fingers caught the zipper of

Sara's hoodie, flipping the silver between two fingers as she took a step forward into her personal

space. "You should wear this more often, though. You really do look fucking cute."

Sara's slender fingers tucked her hair behind her ear, her smile the closest to happy Tegan had ever

seen. She looked shyly into Tegan's eyes, saying more in the soft hazel gaze than her mouth ever

could. Tegan's heart slipped on its jacket and hobbled out of the door of her chest to knock timidly

on Sara's breast bone in hopes it would be allowed inside.

"Uh, so I'm just going to go find that girlfriend of mine…" Emy cleared her throat. She shuffled

around the two of them. As she rounded around Sara, her dimples stood out against her round

cheeks, a smirk full of mockery on her face as she raised her brows Tegan's way. Tegan narrowed her

eyes conspicuously, glaring only enough to make Emy's shoulder shake with silent laughter before

she disappeared down the hall in search for Sarah.

Tegan turned her attention back to Sara, catching her eye with a grin, "Let's go check out those

cookies."

With Sara treading quietly behind her, Tegan padded into the kitchen. The mouth-watering aroma of

baked dough was hot on the stove, where Sara had placed the tray exactly where Tegan had asked.

Cinnamon twists she had artfully created was swirled on yellow cookies, dotted with sugar. They

were arranged in four straight rows, carefully lined up and inches from touching – Tegan had

definitely not cared to align them so perfectly, leaving only one person accountable. The culprit was

standing at Tegan's side, taking the oven mitts off to rest on the counter and smiled when Tegan

turned to look at her. "Want one?"

"May I?"

Tegan only nodded and took a step back so Sara could pick which cookie she wanted to devour.

While Sara chose the smallest cookie and broke the soft treat in half to eat in tiny bites, Tegan

admired the curls of hair on the nape of her neck. They flipped around her earlobes in ways they had

been too short to do when they had first met and contrasted starkly against her milky white skin;

Tegan stared as she looped her arms around Sara and tugged her back into her front. She slipped her

hands under Sara's hoodie, touching her hands to the hot flesh of her stomach and burying her face

in the crook of her neck. She brushed over the soft, thin skin beneath her mouth. She could feel

Sara's pulse as she kissed up the length of her neck, not sucking but simply enjoying the heat of skin

under her lips.

Sara tossed her head to the side with breathy giggles caged inside of her throat. Her smile made

such a romantic act feel allowed, crinkles forming around her eyes as she looked over her shoulder

to give Tegan a closed-mouth smile decorated in faint laugh lines to her mannerly chewing. Tegan

locked her fingers together against Sara's middle and caught Sara's earlobe between her teeth.

Sara's chest paused with a soft gasp before Tegan dropped back to the crook of her neck with the

cotton of her hoodie cushioning the bone of her chin as she watched Sara's jaw move to her nearly

indecipherable chewing.

She swayed their bodies slowly from side to side, smiling as Sara melted into her front and giggled

very softly as she popped the remainder of the cookie between her lips. Tegan could feel her ribs

contract under her forearms as Sara breathed, her flat stomach lifting underneath her palms. Her

hair smelt strongly of shampoo and Tegan couldn't help but hold her breath in her nose to savor the

moment.

"You like it?" she murmured lowly when Sara's chewing ceased.

"Very much," Sara replied, angling her head back to look Tegan in the eye. "They are sure to be a hit

tonight. You will go far in your career endeavors, Tegan Rain."

With a smile, Tegan lifted her head to press a quick thank you to Sara's lips. But when she moved to

break away, Sara's hand met her jaw and added tender pressure to the kiss to keep her in place. She

rounded in Tegan's embrace so their fronts were pressed firmly together, her lips tasting of

cinnamon. Tegan ran her hands up the arch of Sara's lower back beneath her clothes, swiping her

tongue out to lick away the traces of sugar clinging to her lips. Sara's hands weaved into Tegan's hair

beneath her lifted hood as her tongue breached her lips to meet the other woman's in a playful flick.

As it disappeared back into her mouth, Tegan felt Sara's lips stretch in a smile. And though Tegan did

not know her thoughts, she could not stop her grin in response. It made kissing impossible, their lips

settled together in a warm press as eyes opened to look into blurry, dark irises.

With a small noise, Sara pulled away to rest her forehead against Tegan's, staring at her with

something that made Tegan's chest erupt in excitement. She couldn't seem to tear the grin off her

face as Sara smiled softly back at her, fingers soothing against her scalp.

"Are you nervous for tonight?" Tegan asked quietly, not allowing her voice to rise and expose Sara's

anxiety to anyone who might be close by.

Sara's bottom lip disappeared into her mouth as timidly, she nodded against Tegan's head.

"Don't be." Tegan swallowed the pet name that wanted to leave her throat. Instead, she quelled her

desires to be intimate by rubbing her fingers into Sara's tight back muscles. She felt Sara relax a

fraction under her pathetic excuse for a massage as she kneaded the muscles until she touched the

lace of her bra, and drifted back down. "Is it because they're all strangers?"

"No, it's less of that and more…" Sara sighed, her breath sweet and hot on Tegan's lips. "I worry they

will not enjoy my company and that I will be an unwanted guest. I admit I want them to like me."

"You don't have to worry about that." Tegan assured her warmly. "Emy and Sarah like you, don't

they? My other friends will too. I promise. But if you feel like they don't, you and me can go off

somewhere alone and hang out by ourselves while those losers miss out on getting to know you.

That won't be necessary, though, Sara. Everyone is going to love you."

Sara sagged with a light breath that was not quite a sigh as her fingers left Tegan's hair to brush

down her cheek. It was a small gesture, but Tegan felt the thanks as she turned her head to press a

kiss to those fingers.

"We're gonna have fun." She tapped Sara's nose with her own, wearing a mock serious glower. "Got

it?"

Sara softly laughed, "Yes, I've got it."

Ted and Lindsey's house was located deep in the heart of the suburbs. It wasn't a long drive with

Emy's foot like a cinder block on the gas pedal and Sarah's restless fingers switching radio stations

until her girlfriend slapped her palm like a disobedient child. Having resigned herself to being the

designated driver tonight, Emy weaved through cars going too slowly for her taste as she expertly

switched lanes with half-glances towards the mirror.

From her spot in the backseat, Tegan balanced the tray of cookies she had baked in her lap between

two careful hands. Her bum slid across the leather interior, the momentum of Emy's quick turns into

new lanes tossing her left and right, causing her knee to smack the door and invade Sara's personal

space with every abrupt turn of the steering wheel. Only a mumbled grumble of annoyance for slow

drivers beneath blaring music headed warning, tightening seat belts over chests to keep from

toppling over.

Sara's back was straight and knuckles white in their grip into the seat. Her movements were stiff and

uncomfortable as she held herself from falling over. The sky was painted in black and swollen blue

clouds shielded the hiding moon that illuminated the night enough to see the furrow in her face. The

flashes of street lamps shadowed the lock in her jaw and brightened her guarded eyes. She was

radiating nerves, so caught up in her worry that she was unlikable. She was so concerned that no

one would like her, Tegan could feel it coming off of her like waves in the harsh bite to her bottom

lip and knitted brows.

There was nothing Tegan could do to make her feel better. She could not pour self-confidence into

Sara despite her wish to do just that. It was a battle Sara could only fight herself while Tegan

watched helplessly from the sidelines.

But she could only bear to look at that pinched expression for so long until she gave into her need to

comfort Sara, heartstrings tugged to exhaustion. Keeping one hand on the tray, she reached across

the empty middle seat between them. Her fingers were light as they tugged Sara's death grip from

the seat and curled their fingers together. She kept her eyes straight ahead as to not give herself

away to Emy's teasing if she caught sight of them in the rearview mirror.

She felt the way cold digits gently squeezed around her hand in her heart. From the corner of her

eye, she watched Sara hesitate before turning to look at her. Tegan gazed at bright headlights as the

car vibrated to low bass lines, avoiding Sara's stare until it was impossible. There was something shy

in her chest as she slowly turned to meet Sara's eye. She felt like a teenager on her first date, as if

Emy was her mother driving them to the movies so they could awkwardly meet sweaty palms over

the armrest and share overly salted popcorn.

Their eyes met and the lights from outside flashed over Sara's face and twinkled in her eyes as she

lifted their hands to her face. Warm lips pressed in a dry and chaste kiss to the back of Tegan's hand

before she let them rest, entangled on the seat between them. They stared at each other through

darkness and brief light, secretive smiles slipping onto their faces until Sara turned to look out the

window.

Tegan didn't breathe until the car was pulling into the driveway and parked next to familiar vans and

jeeps. The ignition was cut off as Emy threw her door open, lighting the car with orange light. It was

cast with reality and the sight of their hugging hands was in clear view. Tegan was only able to

admire the way it looked so right for a second before Sara parted them to open her door.

Sara had mentioned that people complained about the icy reminder of her touch after they've

parted, but Tegan reveled in it. She loved that for a few minutes, even when they were no longer

touching, she could feel Sara's fingers in her skin and the lines of her palm clashing with Tegan's own

handprint. It made up for the pitiful hurt of being shaken off just the slightest bit. It's not like she

had expected Sara to hold her hand forever. Except, stupidly, she sort of had hoped she would.

With a roll of her eyes at her own clingy behavior, she got out of the car with her cookies in hand.

Emy threw the door open without knocking, Sarah following her in with an arm around her

shoulders as Sara loitered outside and waited for Tegan.

The night was even chillier than the day had been with the absence of the sun, causing outdoor dogs

to bark and howl in displeasure as they scratched at their owner's backdoor and pleaded to go inside

where it was warm. Tegan could hear the scratch of long claws on wood as a swing's rusty chains

creaked in the distance, propelled by the unforgiving wind. She shivered, retreating further in her

hoodie and coat like a turtle to its shell as she walked through overgrown grass to meet Sara, who

was wrapping her oversized green jacket tight around her body.

"Come on, gorgeous!" Tegan beamed, hopping up the steps leading to wide open door to emit light

and low music from inside. She could hear the chatter of voices, and laughter that reminded her of

late nights in her teenage years- when drugs were heavy in her cloudy brain and her clothes far too

large for someone her size. It set off an excited buzz in her gut as she realized how much she had

missed the people inside. She held out her empty hand for Sara, grinning brightly when Sara lifted to

meet her palm. "Let's go introduce you to everyone."

With Tegan's light tugging, Sara followed her inside. The door was shut behind them as Sara looked

under lashes at the walls of Lindsey's many professional photos of bands she had met and friends,

along with a few laughable couple photos of her and Ted.

They had moved to this house two years ago, when things had gone from carefree to serious with

them over one summer. After discussing the possibility of marriage, they had established a home

surrounded by waving neighbors walking their dogs and parks on every street corner. Talk of

building a family of curly haired children had been a heavy topic in their lives, but they had yet to

make that commitment. Tegan was fairly sure it was just a matter of months before she got that call

from Lindsey announcing the growing bump in her stomach, however. The talk of children was really

the only thing she ever heard exit Lindsey's mouth as of late. This was the perfect place to do just

that with extra rooms waiting to be filled with cribs and colorful toys. And in Tegan's opinion, there

were no better people to make a family; they were two of the kindest and funniest people she had

ever met. She couldn't wait to babysit as Auntie Tegan.

The living room was filled with grinning faces that warmed her heart. Hayley's hair had changed

from a flaming red to neon green since the last time she had seen her, drawing in her attention from

where she sat in the middle of the room on the table beside Jeremy, who Tegan could tell was

already hammered. Hesta was grinding her bum in Liz's crotch as they danced with loud laughter

over thumping music. Kate and Holly were watching with wide eyes, clutching their stomachs as they

laughed and held cups of alcohol that cautiously splashed around the edges. Leisha had Camila up

against a wall, kissing her with a hunger that made Tegan quickly look away to give them the privacy

they did not have in the crowded room. Sarah and Emy were already in a deep conversation with

Johnny and Shaun, all of their brows knitted and hands waving to incomprehensible words.

Tegan smiled to herself. She had really missed these idiots.

"Holy shit! Tegan!" Lindsey was the first to spot her, squealing over the music and directing

everyone's attention to hall where Tegan stood, still holding Sara's hand. The other woman seemed

to cower behind her like a bashful child behind their mother's legs as Lindsey detached herself from

Ted to rush over. To Tegan's surprise, the hair tucked into a bun on the top of her head was newly

blonde, but the camera hanging around her neck was painted with familiarity. "I haven't seen you in

so long!"

Tegan was thrown into her arms, forcing her hand to rip from Sara's to hug her back with one arm as

she kept the tray of cookies carefully away from their hug. The small woman squeezed the breath

out of her before pulling away with a wide grin. "Your hair's grown!"

"Your hair's blonde!" Tegan countered, grinning just as brightly.

"I thought I'd try something new," Lindsey touched her bun and shrugged. "I'm not sure if I dig it."

"Whatever, dude, you look awesome!" Tegan said with a genuine nod. "I like it."

Lindsey's eyes drifted from hers, looking over her shoulder with a curious arch to her brows. "Who's

this?"

"Oh, this-" Tegan stepped to the side and wrapped her arm around Sara's shoulders with a proud

beam. Sara looked out to the sea of strangers, her cheeks a ruddy red. She looked adorably diffident,

shoulders hunched protectively and her jacket shielding her body with nervous hands clutching

either side of her waist. Guarded eyes scanned every face looking her way as her jaw twitched. "-is

Sara!" She tugged Sara closer to her side as the flush on her cheeks intensified. "Sara, this is Lindsey.

Everyone calls her LB, but I know better than to ask you to call her that."

Sara smiled at Lindsey, reserved but polite as she held her hand out in greeting, "It's lovely to meet

you."

Looking Sara over, Lindsey cocked her head to the side. Her eyes roamed over Sara's face, studying

every inch of blushing cheeks and a wavering smile. Her offered hand curled in the air. Tegan

widened her eyes at Lindsey, urging her in silence to take her hand so Sara did not grow hurt. But

the longer she took, the more visibly upset Sara grew to Tegan's knowing eye. It was subtle, but as

her smile fell and her hand dropped to her side, Tegan could see the doubts she had been carrying

confirm themselves in her eyes.

Tegan frowned, opening her mouth to give Lindsey a piece of her mind. But then Lindsey was picking

up her camera and lifting it to her face. She pointed the long ended lens Sara's direction and pressed

her finger down, flashing light to Sara's bewildered face.

"Sara, your jawline is out of this world," Lindsey praised, dropping her camera to rest against her

chest. "I had to capture it. The way the light is hitting you is perfect."

Sara blinked, either from surprise or to rid the spots that were probably dancing in her eyes. Slowly,

her smile reemerged in a tug of her lips. "Oh, thank you."

"Would you mind if I took some photos of you to do a study on it in different lighting, or maybe we

could do some-"

"LB, c'mon, let her breathe." Tegan chuckled. Lindsey continued to gawk at Sara's jaw, her eyes busy

with photograph ideas that would have to wait. "Maybe you can get to know her before you force

her into one of your photo shoots, you know?"

"Oh. Right." Lindsey rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. "Sorry, I got carried away. I've been

drinking. Right. It's nice to meet you too, Sara." Confidence was reestablished in the straightened

spine of Sara's back. "So, are you Tegan's new girlfriend? She hasn't had one in so long, we were

beginning to think she had become some sort of nun or something, you know? Thank fuck for you!

She- it was like she had married herself to god and that's why she's been cranky and celibate-"

"Uh, LB, she's… she's not my girlfriend." Tegan interrupted with an awkward shuffle of her feet to

the ground. Suddenly the arm around Sara's shoulders felt inappropriate and foolish, and as Tegan

dropped it to hang at her side, familiar sadness welled in her heart.

"Oh." Lindsey blinked, looking between the two of them with a cringe. "You're not?" she asked Sara,

who shook her head as her eyes dropped to the ground. "Um. Shit. Oops, sorry." Her hand found the

back of her neck once again, shifting her weight with a small grimace. "Uh… Now that I've made this

totally awkward, do want to meet my boyfriend, Sara?"

As introductions were made and the night progressed, Tegan relaxed enough to drink. A beer in one

hand, she grew invested in making up for lost time with old friends. She bounced from one smiling

face to another, downing bitter liquid as she laughed at stories she had missed and reconnected

with everyone's present endeavors. Her eyes were wide over stories of how Camila and Leisha

nearly broke up over a misunderstanding at a nightclub, her sympathy heavy as she heard the news

of someone's grandmother passing away, her smile large as Kate and Holly admitted marriage was

possibly in the future. She tousled Hayley's new short hair as she listened to developments of her

pursuit in becoming a musical technician and reeled a soft-spoken Sara into the conversation of

music majors with Taylor.

But the owner of her heart was uncomfortable. Tegan could see it in the shifts of Sara's weight in her

seat and the way her fingers flinched around the neck of her beer. She had barely taken any sips, her

stare odd when it was presented to her – Tegan assumed it was from not being bubbling wine in an

expensive glass and shrugged it off. Her back was straight as she replied to Tegan's insistence to join

the conversation with short, but polite replies. Her smile looked strained around her eyes and her

giggles were nervous. Tegan was positive that her refusal to remove her coat was connected to using

it as a sort of comfort blanket. Though she had foreseen this act of not opening up, it was still

disappointing to witness Sara evade eye contact with her friends. When she was not sitting in silence

at Tegan's side and drawing patterns on the condensation on her beer bottle, she was steering

conversation away from herself and back to Tegan.

She had to be fair and admit her friends weren't exactly pushing Sara into friendliness, though. They

were focused on Tegan, bombarding her with inquiries of the past few months of her life and

questioning what she planned to do in the future. Tegan was almost positive Sara would not want

her to mention that she lived in the mansion she had been working at, and withholding that link

made her feel like a secret despite her being in clear view of everyone. She wished her friends would

ask Sara more about her life to crack her shell, but she understood that they were more curious

about their own long-term friendship and reconnecting with herself.

Even still, she couldn't shake the worry brewing in her gut as Sara dropped her chin to her chest and

absentmindedly fiddled with her bottle cap as she stared at her lap with pursed lips. She looked a

child sitting alone during lunch time at school despite sitting so close to Tegan's side and it fucking

pained her to witness the dimming of Sara's eyes. Maybe she shouldn't have brought her after all. It

seemed as if this was putting a halt in their progression and rebuilding self-consciousness they were

trying to destroy.

She didn't dare draw attention to Sara's retrieval. It would do nothing but hurt Sara's fragile ego if

she voiced her concern. Instead, she balanced her beer in her lap with one hand as the other rested

on Sara's knee. The simple contact was a reminder that she was invited to speak if she pleased, and

that Tegan was there with her even when she was talking to someone else.

Absently, she roamed her fingers over the bone of Sara's knee cap as she chugged her beer and

reminisced with Jeremy. She was dragging her nails across the stretch of tight fabric and barking

with laughter over a story of her first date when Sara quietly stood to her feet. Abruptly, she cut off

her sentence to look up at Sara with knitted brows, "Where are you going?"

"I am making my way to the restroom." Sara said so softly Tegan could barely hear her over the

music.

"Want me to show you where it is?" She asked, uncrossing her legs to stand.

"No thank you, it's quite alright. I can find it myself." Sara gave her a small smile before she turned

and made her way down the hall. Tegan stared even after she had disappeared, a frown tugging at

her lips.

"So," Jeremy leaned forward with a grin on his pink cheeks. "Sara, huh?"

Tegan turned back to him as she took another swig of her drink. "Yeah." she muttered. "Sara."

"She's pretty. Quiet, but pretty."

"She normally has more to say," Tegan tugged her bottom lip with her teeth and sighed. "She's just

shy, but I wish she'd talk a bit more. She has a really interesting brain."

"You love her." It wasn't a question, but Tegan still nodded the affirmative to the obvious. "Does she

know?"

"No." Tegan picked at a string on her loose gray top and sighed once more, heavy and loud. "I almost

told her yesterday, though. It was halfway out of my mouth, but I stopped myself."

"Did she get what you meant?" He asked, running a hand through his short and gelled hair.

"No, she was a little, uh… distracted." Tegan tugged at her piercing as Jeremy raised his brows at her.

But she didn't care to elaborate, to hear what Emy had said and she herself had thought. She didn't

want to explain what she had been up to these past few months, with Sara and with her own

avoidance of her mind and heart. She loved Jeremy, she had known him longer than anyone and he

knew everything there was to know, but for once she did not divulge the truth to him. "I'm going to

go see if she found the bathroom." she mumbled instead and stood quickly.

She only had to search a few moments before she found Sara leaning against one of the walls near

the bathroom, alone in the dark and far enough away from the party that the music was a mere

bump in the wall. Her head was bowed, her hands clutching her beer to her chest and her hair

hanging in her face. Her shoulders were slumped and she looked defeated; sad. It tore at Tegan's

heart with such vicious nails that for a moment, she forgot it was Sara who was feeling these obvious

emotions and not herself.

"Sara?" she asked softly, approaching her like a hunter to a fawn, slow and cautious.

Sara's neck jerked up as she hurriedly stood straight, looking to Tegan with a smile that looked

forced and uncomfortable on her face. "Oh, Tegan Rain." Even her voice was strained. "I was

moments away from venturing back into the party."

Tegan settled her face into a frown. The space between them disappeared as she took the last few

steps towards Sara, looking into her eyes in the unlit hallway. "Are you okay?" She held her bottle

with one hand and reached out to carefully tuck Sara's hair behind her ear before placing her palm

on her cheek.

"Yes." Sara nodded simply, but her eyes betrayed her with swimming emotion, dark and eerily dead.

"Don't lie." She murmured compassionately. Sara's cheek was hot under her hand, and as she

rubbed her thumb against the sharp rise of her cheekbone, Sara's chest moved to a sigh as her eyes

dropped.

"I apologize." Sara sucked her lip into her mouth, the shadows of the dark hallway making it hard for

Tegan to see the lines around her lips she knew were there. "I am being, as they say, a party-pooper."

"Don't apologize." Tegan stepped away and leaned against the wall beside her, their shoulders

brushing. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Sara was silent for so long that Tegan assumed that her answer was a solid no. They breathed

together, chests rising and falling like one, as if they were connected. Tegan stood with her, wishing

she could push her into opening up so they could talk it out and fix it up. But she didn't, and instead

offered comfort for whatever was wrong with her presence, her body warmth seeping through

Sara's clothes and the front of their hands touching at their hips.

Someone shouted a few halls away and crowing laughter followed. The song changed from loud and

thumping to calm and slow as headlights flashed over the window at the end of the hall, illuminating

photos of friends on the wall across from them. Tegan saw in that blink of a moment, Sara's eyes

peer at the frames with pursed lips.

"Do you ever…" Sara trailed off. Tegan turned her head to look back at the darkness falling over her

face, waiting. "Have you ever peered into a mirror, not searching for flaws to fix or betterment to

achieve, but simply seeing yourself? You dive into the reflective surface and search over your eyes

and the way your face moves to expressions in a curiosity of what others see when they look at you,

not a quick and emotionless glance, but a thorough look. But instead of catching this sight of

yourself, you fall into this odd cycle of thoughts of… this is me and this is the face that accompanies

and carries all these brewing thoughts and emotions behind it. This is me. And then you… you grow

uncomfortable, as if a stranger is staring at you intensely and you cannot avoid their eyes, and you

look away from yourself and leave to escape the feeling that you do not actually know yourself. You

are just as much of a stranger to yourself as someone on the street is." Sara paused. Her voice was

thick and broken. "I feel that tonight, that feeling of the suffocating unknown and the discomfort

that follows it. I have the deep-seeded desire to put on the act you met me with, the one that kept

me alive in my mother's home. I feel as if that is the only way for people to enjoy my company, but I

know I am wrong. I need to be myself, I see that, but it is tough. It is tough to not act the way I

survived at the mansion when I am meeting new people. I am so reliant on having that to fall back

on, but I want to escape that. It is still so very hard, however. It brings on a feeling of loss and

confusion."

"Sara…" Tegan whispered. Her mouth was overflowing with words of comfort, but she knew that

was not what Sara was seeking. She was expressing herself and letting Tegan in, the way she was

incapable of doing with the people on the other side of the wall. But it broke Tegan's heart to hear

that whisper, shredding at her chest and stinging at her eyes. She touched Sara's hand in the dark.

"We can leave. We can go home. It would be fine-"

"No, no. I do not wish to escape. I… I want so much for you to stay and be with your friends-" Sara

dropped her head forward with a sigh that was loud in their silence. "I do not want to leave. That is

not only selfish, but unhealthy."

"It wouldn't be selfish, but okay." Tegan resigned. "I'm sorry, Sara. I didn't think this would happen.

I'm- Fuck, I'm sorry. The last thing I want is for you to feel upset or, like… on the sidelines. I wanted

you and everyone to be best friends the moment you walked in, but I can see now that things aren't

that easy and I'm just, I'm sorry." Tegan tugged at her hair, the sting in her scalp making her wince.

"Do not apologize, Tegan Rain. It is not the fault of you or anyone out there." Sara said softly. "I am

accustomed to this intense rush of loneliness. I have felt it many times in the past, at parties

especially. I often do this to myself, detaching and making myself the odd one out."

"It hurts me that you feel that way. Not like you're hurting me, but your pain hurts. I just want you to

be happy."

Sara's head moved and Tegan knew she was squinting in the darkness to see her better. "It's just

that, these people are vastly different from myself. I can see it in the way they move and speak. I

worry I am only distancing myself further when I open my mouth, so I stay silent. They are lovely and

I can see that they care for you greatly, but this is not the type of party I was expecting. I have never

sipped beer from a bottle, nor have I seen women dancing on each other so sensually. I feel foolish,

like a child of sorts. I suppose it is as upsetting as it feels because it is a reminder of where I come

from, and though I am trying very hard to fit in, I will always be different. I can never be like that."

Tegan felt a lump form in her throat. She had never been so connected to someone else's emotions;

feeling them in her heart like they were her own. It was scary. "There's nothing wrong with who you

are. You may see your differences as something that makes you an outsider, but I think you're

special. In a good way. You're… you're special to me in a good way. And I wish that I could keep that

loneliness away from you just by being here or touching you while I talk to someone else, but… I

know I can't control that. But… listen. I want you to know that… even when you feel totally lonely,

like, the loneliest you've ever felt or whatever… you're still not alone. I'm here for you and with you,

always… whether you like it or not. You can't get rid of me." She ended her ramble with a light-

hearted chuckle, hiding behind humor after becoming so exposed. She wanted to add more and

whisper the protection of her love and why she felt it so strongly, but she was smart enough to keep

her mouth shut.

But what she had said seemed to be enough as Sara gently cupped her hand in her hold and relaxed

her shoulders into the wall. "The sentiment is very much a two way street, Tegan Rain." Tegan

smiled to herself as she played with Sara's fingers and took a swig of her beer. "And I wish to thank

you for coming to my rescue yet again. You did not have to leave your friends to come to stand in a

dark hallway to talk about my insecurities. Most would not, but you have yet again proven why you

are something so… special to me. I-" Sara stopped speaking for a long moment. Hesta screamed

something unintelligible as a song with a loud drum started up. "I hold you dear to my heart."

Tegan blinked back over-emotional stings in her eyes and gave a teary laugh, "You definitely have a

soft spot in my heart too, Sara." she whispered.

Sara gave a soft noise Tegan didn't quite understand as her cold fingers roamed over her hand.

"Your friends are very beautiful. They all seem very kind and interesting. I cannot help but admire

them. Green hair would never have passed by mother."

Tegan chuckled and dropped her head onto the wall to look up at the shadowed ceiling. "Hayley

changes her hair every week, basically. Next time we see her it'll probably be in rainbows." Sobering,

she bit her lip. "I hope one day you guys can all be friends. But I'm not going to push you. I

understand now that it'll take time and I get that. I didn't before, but I do now. I just needed to hear

it. It makes sense. Until then, I'll just be selfishly happy that I mostly have you all to myself."

Carefully, Sara released Tegan's hand before it was cupping her chin and bringing her to meet moist

and full lips. She sighed happily against Sara's mouth as she kissed her back as delicately soft as

Sara's lips cradled hers. When they parted it was lingering with Sara seeking her for tiny butterfly

kisses before she disappeared fully.

"D'you wanna go get so drunk that we forget about all our cares and end up fucking against a wall

and passing out later?" Tegan poised the question with the teasing she was feeling and felt Sara's

exhaling giggle on her face in a brush of air.

"I will agree to anything that ends in being intimate with you, Tegan Rain."

There was three of everything and Tegan couldn't focus on even one of them. Everyone's face was

blurring into their faded triplets; Tegan didn't know which was the real version of her friends. The

music was thumping and she could feel it in her core, pulsing to every low bass line. Her head was

thrown back, her feet hopping in the air as she danced to lyrics that were garbled and blaring in her

ears. Sweat clung to her skin as her arms pumped in the air, laughing loudly as she watched her

trashed friends try to match the beat as clumsily as she felt. She brought Sara's hips to hers and bit

her lip as Sara giggled and placed her hands on her shoulders, not quite dancing but bopping her

head the smallest bit as Tegan swayed them and forced the front of their jeans to rub and grind.

Sara's nervous flush had faded in the last few hours as Ted spoke to her with friendly grins and Liz

sent her flirty smirks that made Tegan scowl, but it reemerged as a red stain against porcelain skin

after her third drink… or maybe it was her fourth. Tegan couldn't remember. All she knew was

Johnny had given them a shot that burned her esophagus and dampened her underwear, releasing

her inhibitions and worries; replacing it was a rush of endorphins that made her laughter rough and

her voice loud.

She didn't know who had changed this calm party into a rave, but she was forever grateful. It had

surprisingly (with alcohol to blame, no doubt) loosened the tension in Sara's back and her jacket had

disappeared, the sleeves of her button up lifting to cling to her biceps, and she had even unbuttoned

the first two buttons of her shirt. Tegan's attention was reeled into her heated pink chest, cleavage

glazed with sweat.

The living room was suffocatingly hot under the heavy breathing of exuberant dancers, bodies

pressed close as Shaun showed off with hand stands that had everyone cheering and Holly danced

on Kate like she was a pole. Lindsey was snapping photos, lights flashing as Emy pushed aside the

coffee table with the clever mind of the only sober person in the room.

They were letting loose one last time, acting like teenagers before they had to be adults again. And

as the teenager she was pretending to be, Tegan had no qualms with pressing her knee against the

seam of Sara's jeans in public. She peered into Sara's dilated pupils hazily as she forced them both to

dance, rocking together in a grind that was usually present behind their closed door. Sara's stare was

slightly unfocused, but her smile was blinding.

Tegan brought her closer, moving her thigh against the heat she could feel penetrating through

Sara's jeans. She sucked her piercing into her lip as Sara mimicked her movements with her own

thigh, eyes fluttering as pleasure burned in her gut. She moved her hands to grasp Sara's sweaty and

hot back beneath her shirt, feeling her muscles shift as they moved together. Ted and Jeremy spun

in circles around each other beside them as Sara tossed her head back to brush her fringe from her

eyes. But the throbbing vein in her neck caught Tegan's eye and she took advantage of the moment

and sucked the salty skin between her lips.

Sara's hands moved from her shoulders to the back of her head as Tegan's fell to her ass, bringing

her closer as she sucked at Sara's pulse point until the blood was just beneath the surface and

forming a purple mark. She bit the sensitive patch of skin and felt Sara's gasp from the their

connected chests, and it zipped right through her center.

She licked up the arch of Sara's neck with the flat of her tongue until she found the reddened tip of

her ear. She nibbled across the cartilage and flicked her tongue across the unpierced lobe as Sara's

thigh added more pressure between her own. She moaned, quietly enough that Sara would be the

only one who heard. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to find composure that escaped her

grasping fingertips before resting her lips against Sara's ear. "I'm so fuckin' wet for you." she

whispered, voice thick with the alcohol sloshing in her belly.

Sara's fingers tightened in her hair as she dragged her head up until their faces were level. "Take me

somewhere to be alone."

Tegan nodded, separating their bodies as she grabbed Sara's hand. Cool air found parts of her that

had been pressed to Sara for the better part of the night as she moved through her dancing friends.

She grabbed her hoodie and Sara's jacket as she opened the back door. She knew she would have

questions to answer when her friends sobered up and realized she had been dancing provocatively

and disappeared with the girl she had claimed was not her girlfriend earlier that night.

The door closed, muffling the music and laughter. Crickets chirped as their sweat cooled and dried

against heated flesh under the night's chilly wind. Sara slipped on her jacket as her hooded eyes took

in the backyard.

With only a chain fence protecting the short yard, Tegan could see the neighbors walking past open

windows and turning lights off to begin their night of rest. Cars were zooming in the distance, their

tires groaning against the road and breaching lights through swaying leaves on dancing tree limbs. It

felt peaceful, the moon bright in the sea of black as the wind tousled her damp hair and calmed her

erratic heartbeat. But settled in the middle of over-grown grass was a trampoline, large and

beckoning Tegan's childish nature with an excited thump in her chest.

"C'mon!" She tugged Sara's hand and stepped off the patio.

"Wait, the grass." Sara protested, standing still as Tegan paused. "The rain… it has made it muddy.

My shoes…"

"Oh." Tegan blinked, realizing the soles of her Converse were sinking into the ground. It was

irrelevant in her eyes, but she could not fathom the money spent on Sara's ankle boots. "Oh, 'ere."

She turned around and presented her back to Sara and danced her fingers behind herself, "Hop on."

It was a testament to how much Sara had drank when she did not protest, but instead giggled as she

very carefully settled onto Tegan's back. Tegan hurriedly caught her weight by locking her fingers

beneath her bum as Sara wrapped her arms around her neck. She took a moment for her shaking

legs to grow used to the extra weight, relieved that Sara was so tiny, before she stumbled forward

on the squishy ground. Sara tightened her arms with a nervous laugh that made Tegan chuckle as

she wobbled to the trampoline; the reason why she had brought Sara out here.

Sara's lips found her neck, softly sucking at the sensitive patch beneath her ear. She was warm

against her back and her lips were hot, but extremely distracting and Tegan did not want to drop her.

She warned, "If you keep doin' that we're gon' fall in the mud," and Sara quickly stopped with a

small titter. Tegan turned and lowered Sara until her bum met the springy black landing of the

trampoline. When she was sure Sara was safely settled, she turned around and climbed on, using the

metal bars to bound next to Sara as the springs groaned under their weight.

"What on earth is this?" Sara questioned, running her fingers across the harsh material beneath

them.

"A trampoline!" Tegan announced with a gummy grin. "LB and Ted got it when they first moved in

for the kids they wanna 'ave."

"Oh, I've heard of such inventions… but I have never actually seen one." Sara was trying to speak

normally, as if she was as sober as Emy, but her words were strung together in one, slightly slurred.

"Well then," Tegan struggled for a moment to lift to her feet. The trampoline squeaked under her

movements as she kicked off her shoes and threw them to the side. She jumped and landed next to

Sara's hip, forcing the small woman to bounce. Tegan's grin was crooked as Sara giggled when her

body was forced into the air as Tegan jumped above her. "Play with me!"

It took Sara a few long moments of giggling and protesting to stand as Tegan jumped in the air

beside her, causing the surface beneath Sara's drunken body to dip and shake. "Tegan Rain!" she

cried with a giggle. Tegan momentarily forgot all of her intentions to make love to Sara under the

stars as the innocence of acting like a child brightened a flame in her chest. She wanted to have

wholesome fun with her.

The wind zipped past her ears and the trampoline squealed under her bouncing as Sara finally found

herself to her feet. It was nearly midnight and they caused dogs to bark at the disturbances of the

night as she laughed, watching Sara discard her shoes to rest next to Tegan's before turning to her in

stripy socks and a large grin. She supposed Sara was feeling the same immature giddiness as she

grabbed Tegan's hands and hopped her first hesitant jump on a trampoline.

She could still hear her friends, but everyone was forgotten as she watched Sara experience the joy

of what she had been denied as a child. Sara had her head thrown back as they jumped together,

watching the sky grow nearer and further in an endless cycle with a smile etched on her face. Tegan

forced her to jump faster as they hopped in synch, flying through the air while laughing together and

stumbling into each others embraces when drunken footing went wayward.

Watching Sara, who she once saw as stiff and boring, bounce with her hair flopping, Tegan guffawed

breathlessly. She was having fun, experiencing something she hadn't felt since teens morphed into

adulthood, money troubles and heartbreak overshadowing the once easy joy of simply living. Sara

brought that back to her. She made her remember what it was like to be a kid, old memories

resurfacing in light she hadn't thought she'd ever see again; popsicles on hot days and shrill giggles

as she climbed trees. It was not corrupted by nostalgia, but looked on with a fond smile. She brought

back something Tegan never thought she'd feel again.

"I can do a backflip, I think." She told Sara as if she had divulged something highly rousing. She

hopped up and down excitedly. "Wanna see?"

"Do not break your neck." Sara advised as she dropped almost clumsily to her bum, sitting crossed-

legged.

Tegan's thighs were sore and burning as she prepared herself, nerves tangling in her stomach. "I

haven't done this in a long time, so don't… don't judge me." she laughed.

Sara watched her, the moon shining distractedly over her face as Tegan attempted countless

backflips, laughing harder each time she collapsed in a heap of limbs before insisting she could do

better next time. She stood on shaky legs and gave up her attempts, settling for mid-air splits that

had Sara ducking out of the way with a nervous gasp, hands protecting her head from swinging legs.

Her very last attempt at a backflip had her falling gracelessly next to Sara, legs above her head and

back cracking. She stared up at the sky and grunted, "Ow."

"Highly impressive." Sara quipped with a giggle. She lay down beside Tegan and wrapped her jacket

firmly around her body to protect against the cold as Tegan righted herself.

Their faces were inches apart as they turned to look at each other. The wind brushed Sara's fringe

across her nose, causing it to twitch cutely and Tegan to smile. They peered at each other in silence

before their lips sealed together. Fingers pulled bodies closer and tangled in hair, and Sara's tongue

was hot in her mouth as Tegan moaned too loudly for the public outdoors. Her hands fell to Sara's

ass, squeezing the plump flesh as the heat she had felt earlier blazed its way back to her gut. But just

as she was moving to lie on top of the woman she liked to pretend was her girlfriend, Sara broke the

kiss. "We cannot be intimate on a device a child may one day use to play, um… house." she informed

her with a regretful sigh and low slur.

Unfortunately, Tegan knew she was right. She didn't want to have to imagine the sex she had on this

trampoline when she was watching her godchildren play. She quirked a brow as she lay back down,

"House? On a… on a trampoline?"

Sara shrugged, "It sounds plausible, but I never did play that game, so I'm not, uh, sure of the rules."

"We can play it now, if you want." Tegan offered. Her voice was loud from drinks as her eyes drifted

shut while the wind blew over her. She lifted her hood to cushion her head on the surface beneath

her, a smile playing on her lips.

"You make me feel like the child I was never allowed… allowed to be."

Tegan opened her eyes to see Sara smiling sweetly at her, the moon reflected in the pools of her

eyes and the night a dark sheet behind her. Her heart warmed, melting through her ribcage and

forcing her to grin foolishly back. "You make me feel like a kid again." she admitted her revelation

softy. "We should play house, but like… the real version." Sara quirked a brow curiously, waiting for

Tegan to elaborate. "Like, we'll move out of the apartment and buy a house like this and get married

and 'ave babies with your cute button nose and my wild hair. You'll get a job that brings in loads of

cash and I'll become a famous chef and we'll never struggle with money like my mum did, but we'll

love each other like your parents didn't. And 'very time a kid moves out, we'll just make a new one

'til we grow old together. I like the idea of having a big family since we're both only children. Imagine

the Christmases!" Tegan gasped.

Sara's eyes had stars in them, her throat bobbing to a swallow. "Was that a propos-proposal of

marriage, Tegan Rain?" she whispered.

Tegan grinned, "Only if you say yes because I think we'd make fuckin' cute babies. You can be the

dad and I'll be the mum."

"You want me to father your children?" Sara giggled. It was bubbling with what Tegan thought was

excitement, nervously squealing in her throat and unrestrained under the influence.

"I mean, you can be the mum if ya want. I think they made it so two ladies can have a baby, so we

won't even need sperm I don't think. We can be the parents completely. Or maybe I'm just making

that up 'cause that's what I want. Either way, I could put on a strap-on and drill a hole to shoot an

egg or sperm or whatever inside of you while you come. I saw that on TV once. But I also have no

problem with you wearin' it and doin' it to me. But the idea of pushin' babies out of me, like the

actual thing, is terr- terrif-" Tegan frowned as her lips were unable to form the word and settled

simply with, "-scary."

"I have no qualms being pregnant or… the act of birthing." Sara told her softly, tangling their hands

together. Their heads knocked together as they gazed up at the sky. Tegan's heart was beating

slowly; easily. She felt whole. The world was big and there was so much going on around them, but

they were alone under the bright stars that spun in her brain. "I believe I could do it… if it was our

child I was creating."

"Sounds good t'me." Tegan smiled as she set up their ideal future to be carried in the whistling wind.

"You could be all pregnant and I'd rub your back and make you healthy food that has all the shit in it

that you need when you're carryin' for two. We could get baby books and name our kid somethin'

cute, but also fancy, like Alexandra or something so I could call 'er Alex. We'd go to those classes

where they teach you how to breathe and then I'd hold your hand while you gave birth. You'd teach

our kid your vocabulary and I'd teach 'er how to ride a bike. She'd call you mother and me mommy.

We'd be great parents tog'ther."

"We're only twenty-one." Sara slurred, soft and sweet.

"I'm just planning ahead." Tegan replied. "Just somethin' to gnaw on or whatever."

"Our future sounds- ours is bright… with you as… the planner." Sara paused, and Tegan saw her

brows furrow. "I… I believe I am going to purge the contents of my stomach."

"Wait, right now?" Sara nodded so quickly she looked like a bobble head, eyes popping with terror.

Tegan patted her hand, "That's okay, baby, I'll hold your hair back."

Sara sat up quickly, the color in her face draining away. She looked like a ghost, but her cheeks were

tinted a queasy green. "I do not want to vomit in their yard… terrible first impression…." She was

mumbling as threw herself off trampoline and rushed to the gate.

A wide eyed Tegan ran after her - surprised by the sudden speed in Sara's quiet steps - dewy grass

clinging to her socks. Sara only made it to the gate before she was heaving over it and expelling the

alcohol in her stomach with quiet gags. Tegan sighed in sympathy. Sara's back ceased as she puked

and true to her word, Tegan reached around her body to keep her fringe from tangling in her mouth.

Her skin felt clammy and hot under Tegan's hands, her face cringing and her eyelashes sprinkled

with tears from strain as they squeezed shut while she puked out into land behind the house. Tegan

avoided looking at the vomit landing with a splat on the ground as she rubbed Sara's tensing back

comfortingly with her free hand and pressed a kiss to her shoulder blade. "Let it out, it's okay." she

crooned. "There ya go."

Sara kept the noises in her throat quiet even while drunk until she had lost everything in her

stomach. With a pant, she leaned limply against the gate and laid her heated forehead onto the cold

metal. Tegan ran her fingers through Sara's silky hair, tucking her fringe behind her ear as she

watched Sara recuperate slowly, gulping for air. She touched her sweaty and flushed cheek with a

concerned frown. "All better, sweetheart?"

Sara whimpered. The sound broke Tegan's heart, hearing the physical discomfort Sara was going

through. She was gentle as she helped Sara stand to her full height and hugged her hot body to her

side. "C'mon, let's go get ya some water and tell Emy it's time t'go home. We can go snuggle in our

bed and watch a movie on my laptop. Sound good?"

Sara's lip was pouted out as she nodded with a sniffle, resting her head in the crook of Tegan's neck

as they walked through the wet ground. "I'm sorry, Tegan Rain." Her voice was hoarse from puking,

but still so soft.

"It's totally cool. I'd rather be lyin' in bed with you anyway." Tegan grabbed their shoes and steered

Sara with her own stumbles to the house, grinning as she teased, "Whadda lightweight."


	26. Run, Run, Run

"Do you ever think to yourself, like… Shit, why did I choose this major? It's so expensive. But then

you sort of just resign yourself like, well I might as well stay in it because I only have about a year left

anyway and changing it now would be pointless?"

"Em," Behind the shield of purposeful sunglasses, Tegan squinted in disbelief. "Art is your life.

There's one million other reasons to stick to your major other than the money and time you've

already invested."

Emy's brown eyes lifted from the row of differently sized sketchbooks to quirk a brow at Tegan, who

was seated inside the shopping cart like a child. Carefully organized piles of specifically titled acrylic

paint bottles and new drawing pencils laid at her feet, poking at the toes of her Converse no matter

how tightly she wedged her knees to her chest. With the exhaustion of her hang over, she refused to

walk around the store like a civilized human being. "You and Sara seriously need to spend some time

apart. It's weird to hear you form sentences so easily."

Tegan scrunched her face up in a playful scowl as Emy turned back to her crinkled list of supplies she

needed to have readily restocked for the first day of class. Her best friend's shoulders were tight

with anxiety over the next semester, her knuckles growing white around the thin notebook paper

she had scribbled on earlier that morning, her eyebrows drawing in the further she dipped down the

costs of every item she required. Tegan sighed at the sight of Emy looking so stressed, but she knew

there was little she could say to ease the worry on her mind.

They went through this at the beginning of every semester: Tegan would go with her to an art supply

store two or three days before school started, Emy would cringe at the unavoidable costs, and Tegan

would try to distract her and make her feel better through jokes or comforting murmurs. The

inevitable end of Emy swiping her bank card and relinquishing a good chunk of her small cash would

cause them both to wince.

Tegan tipped her throbbing head back as her fingers fiddled with the open zipper of her hoodie, as

the chill from yesterday was still thick in the wind. The store smelled of pine cones mixed with the

fumes of paint, churning her stomach a bit, yet oddly soothing in its familiarity. She slid her eyes

closed, trying not to think about money troubles or the first day of school anxieties. The end of

summer was always saddening, the fun of nights without responsibility and days without dishes to

prepare for the judging eyes of professors forgotten and replaced with stress of due dates and

proving herself as a professional cook.

University over the last two years had been all-consuming. Tegan had been invested in nothing but

working herself to be the best she could be, burying her nose in school books and practicing new

dishes in her free time to make them the best they could be. She had poured her blood, sweat, and

tears into being near the top of her class. Her hands had been shiny with burns and wrapped in

bandages from overzealous knife maneuvers, brain bloated with memorized terminology that ran

out of her ears and grew scrambled in her mouth.

With only the occasional date consisting of nothing intimate past light petting against closed doors

and civilized conversation with a different girl at every opportunity, women had not been a

distraction for her. Absently, she wondered if things would be different this year now that Sara was

in her life and heavy on her mind. She was sure to be a distraction, no matter how unintentionally.

Even now, when nothing was reminding her of the small brunette who was probably still lying in bed

nursing her hangover at this very moment, she was at the forefront of her brain. She couldn't help it;

she couldn't get her off her mind. Her face was there, cheeks pink and smile soft, no matter what

task was at hand.

She sort of felt like she was being tested; driven insane. Her love had never been so innocent,

completely destructive, or suffocatingly secretive and it was like life was pushing her through loops

of clashed emotions just to see how long she could take it. Being around Sara was exhausting and

numbing to both her mind and heart after too many mixed feelings that came to an end with the

necessity to feel absolutely nothing – which proved to be impossible. But when she wasn't with Sara,

she wanted to be. The process of despair was addictive, as was the other woman herself.

The tension in her back had eased after a night of letting loose, but it was only temporary. These

feelings were soon going to stiffen her muscles and tear at her heart again.

"Tee, I don't think I'll be able to afford rent this month." Emy interrupted her self-pitying with a

nervously lip bitten.

Tegan's eyes blinked open, squinting against the sudden bright light. No matter how camouflaged

from her tinted glasses, it still sent a sharp pain through her temples. "Oh, good!" she jabbed

sarcastically. "Because I don't think I will either. All my money is going towards school."

"Awesome!" Emy's nose crinkled as she laughed. But as quickly as her amusement was there, it was

gone. Her smile dropped and she rubbed her furrowed forehead with a heaving sigh. "I hate to say

it-"

"It's okay, Emy." Tegan interrupted, well aware of what was going to be said next. "I'll ask my mum

for money. I'm supposed to see her soon so she can meet Sara anyway. I'll just ask then."

Emy dropped her hands to her sides, hanging in defeat. There was a resignation of the

understanding between them, knowing that they had no other option for the second month in a row.

She leaned forward, resting her forearms on the cart's handle and her chin on her hands so their

faces were only feet apart. "We'll need to make this all up to your mom one day. She's saved our

asses too many times." Tegan simply nodded in agreement, thanking whatever higher power there

was for her mother. "You think we'll ever be real adults that can fend for themselves?"

Tegan's lips quirked, "Doesn't look like it."

"It really adds to this whole thing when you're sitting in the cart like a kid." Emy chuckled, adorning

that huge Emy smile of all teeth and bright eyes. It made Tegan's chest rush with affection and she

couldn't help but return with her own gummy grin. "So, you're taking Sara to meet your mom?"

Tegan nodded as she tugged the hood of her jacket over her head, feeling exposed under Emy's

knowing stare. "I told mum about her and she said she wants to meet her. Sara said she'd like it too

and I want mum to tell me what she thinks of her."

"Sonia is going to fall in love with her." Emy's high tops met the empty basket below the cart,

swaying Tegan back and forth slowly and causing the wheels to creak. "She'll probably adopt her as

her own kid."

"I know," Tegan chuckled. "Hopefully she won't literally adopt her, though, when she hears in-depth

about Sara's parents. I've always wanted a sibling, but I'm not super into the idea of being in love

with my sister."

Emy threw her head back with a raucous laugh that soared straight into Tegan's head, making her

wince slightly. "Sorry," she apologized when Tegan's face contorted in pain. "I forgot you drank

yourself stupid last night. Do you remember how you were dancing? Dude, I thought you were going

to attack Sara right there in front of everyone."

"Oh, god." Tegan moaned in mortification, shoving her hood further down her face to hide her

reddening cheeks. "I don't remember. After those shots Johnny gave me, everything's a blur. I hope

no one else remembers either."

Emy stifled a loud laugh with her teeth gnawing on her bottom lip. "There was some serious

bedroom eyes going on between the two of you. So gross."

"Was Sara dancing too?" Tegan asked. She wished she could remember.

"Sort of. She was kind of just happily allowing you to grind on her. You and Holly turn into soft core

porn when you're drunk." Emy wrinkled her nose while Tegan begrudgingly snorted. "Does Sara

remember anything from last night?"

"No. I think her exact words earlier were… 'There is an unsettlingly sizable hole in my memory of the

activities we indulged in after my second drink' or something." Tegan shook her head to herself, her

chuckle besotted. "She's so cute."

But Emy looked vaguely annoyed, "It's too bad." she lamented. "Because when you guys came back

from wherever the hell you went-" She looked imploringly to Tegan, but she shrugged cluelessly in

response. "-Well, anyway, when you guys came back, you were petting her hair like she was a

fucking dog and calling her baby. She was pretty sick, it was sweet."

"I called her baby?" Tegan gasped in horror, her eyes wide behind her shades. "Fuck, thank god she

doesn't remember."

"Is it thank god or is it more like, damn it? Because I never said she was telling you not to call her it.

So, you know… what if you guys talked? And you told her how you felt-"

"Come on, Emy, don't." Tegan shot her a glower. Her arms crossed protectively over her chest, as if

her heart was seeping from her skin and exposing itself to prying eyes. She was grateful the extra

layers of clothing as they acted like a barrier against Emy's crestfallen face.

Emy straightened, her brows lowered in disappointment. "All I'm saying is you might be surprised,

you know? You never know how she'll react."

"You're right. I have no fucking idea what she'd do and as awesome as the idea of admitting I'm love

with one of my best friend's without having any clue if she'd run away in horror is, I think I'll just

keep my mouth shut. Thanks so much for that golden advice, Em." Tegan snapped. She saw Emy

frown and reluctantly relaxed her defensive glare. "Sorry." She sighed apologetically and combed

her fingers through the hair of her fringe tickling her forehead. "I'm being an asshole. I know you're

just trying to help, I just…" She trailed off, unhelpfully waving her hands in the air.

"It's fine, I get it." Emy chewed on the inside of her cheek, drawing in the skin and emphasizing her

cheekbone as she shook her head. "I just hate seeing you like this. Again. You know? I just want you

to be happy. I like Sara so much and I love to see the way you get around her, it's like a whole new

're not a puppy, begging for her attention and getting nervous. You're so content and… I

just want it to be official."

"I know you're just looking out for me and I appreciate it, I do." Tegan glanced at an elderly woman

who inched past them, murky eyes roaming over aisles with a basket full of knitting material. "But

sometimes things aren't as simple as you and Sarah are, you know? You guys are lucky. I really don't

think Sara and I can run off into the sunset like you guys can."

"So you're just going to torture yourself by having killer sex with her until the day she meets

someone else and leaves you all sad and alone?" Emy's question was too loud and brash. Tegan

lifted her eyes guiltily at the old woman still lingering feet away from them, her spotted neck tight at

the vulgarity.

"Emy!" she hissed. Heat filled her cheeks as Emy dropped her chin to her chest with a small snort.

"Sorry!" She cringed, half-heartedly slapping a hand over her mouth. "That was loud. Sorry."

Despite herself, Tegan cracked a small grin as the stranger hurriedly rounded the corner and

disappeared. She met Emy's eyes and shook her head in exasperation as she laughed. "But yeah,

that's basically my plan." she confirmed, laughter dying.

Emy's lips drooped, "I'm not happy about it."

She could only shrug, "Join the club."

It took four hours and three different art stores for Emy to find all the supplies she needed for

Monday. By the time Emy was dropping her off at home before going to stay the night with Sarah,

Tegan's hangover was dulled into nothing but an occasional annoying pound in her head. With her

hands stuffed in the pockets of her pants, she trudged her way inside the apartment, the wind cold

on her face.

She dropped her keys on the table, listening to the rare silence of her home. She could hear the ever

present steps of the people above them, but the apartment itself was completely still. If she didn't

already know of Sara's quiet tendencies, she would think she was, for the first time in a long time,

fully alone.

She expected to find Sara fully dressed when she stepped into their room, but she was only half

correct. Her lover's upper body was in a comfy looking blue sweater, but her lower half was

surprisingly still clad in her silky pajama shorts. Her nose was buried in a graphic novel, brows

wrinkled. But as the door creaked and the floorboard squeaked to announce Tegan's presence, Sara

looked up with a wide beam. Tegan couldn't help but smile back just as big in return with her heart

pausing in a familiar flutter of affection.

"Tegan Rain, I have news to share with you."

"Oh, yeah?" Tegan unzipped her hoodie and dropped it unceremoniously to the ground to expose

her sleeveless purple top. She quirked a brow as she made her way to the bed, plopping down

before Sara. She curled one leg beside Sara's own bent knees while the other dangled off the edge of

the mattress, placing one hand on the the other woman's socked foot. "What is it? Is it good news?"

"It is, yes. I have been awaiting your arrival back as I am fairly excited to share this with you." Sara

admitted sheepishly. She pushed her bangs behind one ear as Tegan squeezed her tiny toes through

the striped material, encouraging her silently to continue and share with a curious smile. "I received

a phone call earlier this morning. It was the bookstore-"

Tegan gasped as her chest buzzed, "You got the job?!"

Sara smiled against her bitten bottom lip, her cheeks rosy with happiness as she nodded excitedly.

Her eyes were bright with accomplishment, brimming with self-pride Tegan had never seen before.

"It was confirmed that I have received the job."

"Oh my god! Sara!" Tegan leapt forward and caught Sara's cheeks between her hands. She pressed

their grinning lips together in a chaste smooch with a squeal of delight. "I'm so fucking proud of you!"

Her words were stalled between quick, messy kisses. "I knew you could do it!" She crawled blindly

into Sara's lap. Her knees caused the mattress to groan as they pressed either side of Sara's hips and

her own were steadied by Sara's quick hands. She caressed Sara's lips with her own, pouring her

pride into her, and feeling Sara's own pride for herself in the pull of her smiling lips. She broke the

kiss to peer into shining eyes and ran her fingers down Sara's cheek with a soft smile, "I knew you

could do it." she repeated, softer this time.

Sara's smile softened, curling around the edges as she brushed Tegan's messy fringe from her eyes.

"It is lovely to have someone to rejoice in accomplishments." She whispered. "I have never had

someone to share good news with."

"You'll always have me," Tegan promised, whispering for Sara's ears only. "I'll always be proud of

you. And I hope you'll always be proud of yourself."

"It is embarrassing to admit that I feel that pride in myself now."

"Don't be embarrassed for being happy with yourself. You had a goal, you worked at it, and you

accomplished it. Against all odds and your lack of experience, you did it. And you should be fucking

proud of yourself." Tegan pressed a delicate kiss on Sara's lips. "I'm so happy for you, Sara."

And she was. She could not wait to watch Sara experience the satisfaction when she got her first

paycheck, or the stories she would share of the camaraderie she had with fellow co-workers. She

couldn't wait to see her in her little uniform, complaining about work and eyes heavy with

exhaustion. She could not wait to see Sara be the citizen she so desperately wanted to be.

Sara reached up and tangled their hands together, resting them on her stomach. "I am happy you

are the one I have to share such joy with."

Tegan grinned and placed a kiss to Sara's cheek. "We should celebrate. Emy's gone to Sarah's all

night so we can do anything. We could call your mum and rub her doubts in her face or we could

have our own dance party… Anything you want! What do you want your prize to be?"

Sara sucked her lip into her mouth. She dropped her eyes to their hands as her fingers played with

Tegan's almost nervously. She looked uncertain, her jaw twitching. Tegan waited patiently for a

response, watching Sara's fingers glide across hers smoothly. But then Sara was looking to her,

unsure as she swallowed thickly, "You."

Heat soared through Tegan's body, settling in her belly and spreading further until pressure swelled

in her core. "How about this…" Her voice dropped secretively. "I'm going to make you dessert,

anything you want. We'll fill up on the most sugary, diabetes causing, tooth aching dessert and

then…" She lowered herself on Sara's lap, pressing their hips together as if she were about to roll her

body to an impromptu lap dance. Her heart jumped when Sara's eyelids heavied and a blush

bloomed over her cheeks. She inched forward, brushing her lips across the heat of Sara's cheek to

whisper raspily, "You can do whatever you want to me."

She heard Sara swallow, a gulp of air to calm the nerves tightening in both their guts. "Tegan Rain,

may I ask you something rather obscene?"

Tegan's smirk felt wicked, "Duh."

"Would you find it enjoyable if for our bodies…" She untangled their hands, cupping between

Tegan's legs to show exactly which part of their bodies she was referring to. She applied no pressure

to the seam of her jeans, only giving a gentle hint to widen Tegan's grin. "Were to meet intimately?"

It was cute that she thought such an eloquent question was obscene. "Fuck yeah I'd like that." Tegan

answered, voice hoarse with building need. "You want to?"

With the confidence brought on by Tegan's eager response, Sara nodded. "It is something I often

find myself fantasizing about."

Tegan reached between her thighs to find Sara's hand, where she could feel the chill of her palm

seeping through the heat in her jeans. She pushed against Sara's fingertips, forcing her to apply

stimulation to her now throbbing clit. She rolled her hips and sucked her piercing into her mouth

when Sara's eyes dropped to watch. "You think about fucking me like that a lot?" she murmured,

lust heavy in her words.

Sara lifted her gaze to meet Tegan's eyes, her tongue wetting her bottom lip. "I do. I…" She paused

as her head cocked shyly, but she did not try to evade eye contact. Her middle and ring finger rolled

circles through Tegan's jeans. "I find myself enamored with the imagery my mind has created in

regards to how your body would look… and feel in such a position. But the real thing is sure to

exceed any idea I have had, which will surely pale drastically in comparison."

Tegan flushed as a tremble ran down her spine. She was properly wooed by poetic words hinting at

feeling her wet core and watching her body bounce to thrusts; it did far more to her than lewd

vulgarity, and that was something she never expected.

"C'mon," She grabbed Sara's hand as she stood from the bed. She watched avidly as Sara's pale legs

uncrossed to stand, her full thighs uncovered by her tiny shorts. "Let me make you a super fuckin'

delicious strawberry tart and then you can experience that fantasy for real."

"When's your first day?" Tegan prompted curiously. She settled one foot against the leg of her other

as she stood over the counter, chopping strawberries in half with trained flicks of her wrist.

"I am to report there on Monday." Sara responded from where she was watching Tegan cook at the

table. Her shoulders drawn in, hands folded between her knees as she refused to place her elbows

on the table.

"Oh, that's when class starts! We'll all be out then," Tegan sucked strawberry juice from her thumb

as she turned to Sara. "Do we need to go get you some clothes?"

"No, I will be provided with a uniform," Sara shook her head negatively. "Though I worry how I will

look like in a polo shirt, I am rather excited to be part of a community. Is that… Do you believe that

foolish of me?"

"No." Tegan answered firmly; sincerely. "I think it makes complete sense and I know you'll look cute

as fuck with your little name tag."

Sara dropped her eyes to the table, a soft giggle caged between her teeth. She brushed her hair from

her face while Tegan admired the way her dark sweater contrasted against her skin and hung loosely

around her bones. The neck was wide to expose just the right amount of her chest and the sleeves

bunched up around her knuckles. That along with the knowledge of what they would be doing later,

she was driving Tegan crazy.

"Are you feeling any sense of tentative anxiety to begin school once more? I have never felt such

emotions due to my situation, but I have read about them." Sara questioned curiously.

Tegan tore her eyes away from the dip of Sara's collarbones and shook her head as she went back to

cutting strawberries. "Nah, not really. I've done it so many times, you know? I used to cry every

morning before school until, like, grade nine. I hated starting school. The first day scared the shit out

of me. I would obsessively check that I had all my supplies and change my outfit a million times. I

don't know why I was so nervous. I had friends and I knew the teachers, but it was like… terrifying.

I've grown out of it though, thank god."

"I once felt a sense of anxiety before my lessons. It is very small in comparison to what you had to do,

but when I was a young teenager, about thirteen, I had a tendency to grow nervous."

Tegan looked over her shoulder, "How come?"

"The future duties I had for my family were very apparent to me at thirteen. I understood, better

than ever before, why Rob was in my group. It gave me a terrible apprehension to sit with him and

know that I did not want what my family needed of me." Sara's shoulder dropped as she sighed

softly. "Sitting in my lessons would consume me with the worry that I would be a disappointment to

my mother." She stopped to give a soft laugh of disbelief. "If only I had known it was inevitable."

Tegan felt the mood shifting, her frown intense as the clouds that hovered over Sara's head began to

drizzle with rain. "Hey, I've got an idea!" She chirped, desperate to erase the sadness from Sara's

eyes. "Want me to give you a cooking lesson?"

Sara stood, clearly as eager for a distraction as Tegan was to give one. "Really?"

"Yeah, I can give you the same lesson that I was given my first year. Just the little basic stuff." She

wielded the long knife between her fingers with a grin. "Want to learn how to move your wrist just

the right way?"

Sara heard the undertones of her question as she approached her, and smirked the slightest bit. The

lowering sun was orange behind her head from the open curtains, painting her in shadows and

highlighting her hair in red. "I believe I am well-versed in such movements." She countered rather

cockily as she rested her hip against the counter, her cologne heavy in the air around her. "But you

may demonstrate your own technique."

"I'm pretty sure you're familiar with that, too." Tegan grinned smugly as Sara's cheeks darkened.

"Stand here." She took Sara's shoulders and moved her to stand in front of the cutting board, placing

the knife in her hands. She took her own place behind Sara, pressing her front against Sara's back,

her eyes falling shut when Sara's ass met her crotch. Taking in a calming breath, she snaked her arms

around Sara to drag her fingertips down the delicate curve of her wrist. She took a hold of the thin

bones, pressing her fingers against the quick pulse of Sara's veins. Her own heart throbbed in the

same hurried rhythm as she placed her lips near Sara's ear, "It's all about smooth, quick motions.

Not jerky stabs like you're trying to attack someone, you have to glide. What most people don't

realize, is when you're holding a knife, you have to curl your fingers just right. But I know how good

you are at that, so you'll pick up on that easy."

Sara's back shook slightly with a giggle. "Did your instructors speak so sexually to their students? I'm

going off on a limb, but I assume that is not part of the lesson."

Tegan chuckled lowly, "This is your own private lesson. That means anything I want to be a part of it,

will be."

"That is very authoritative of you," Sara peered over her shoulder with a shy, but wicked glint in her

eyes. "And quite appealing to me."

With her tongue twirling her piercing inside of her mouth, Tegan swallowed hard. Her stomach was

in knots and her heart was pounding. Her mind was filthy with the promise she had made and the

eyes Sara was making at her now did nothing to help. She couldn't stop imagining all the times Sara

has been reading quietly while Emy and Tegan watched television late at night, her eyes roaming

over tiny printed words; but in her mind, Sara was doing anything but unfolding a plot. She was

fantasizing of Tegan, subtly squeezing her thighs together while wetness dripped onto her

underwear as she pretended to read. With all the times Tegan had caught Sara biting her lip, she

wondered what handful was from arousal and not a senseless action, mind plotting ideas to bring

both of them to screaming nirvana.

She couldn't stand the tension any longer. Slowly, she journeyed her hand around Sara's side. She

brushed across the soft material of her sweater, darting inside to touch warm skin. A sharp hipbone

invited her thumb to caress, while her longer fingers traced over the jumping muscles above the

waistband of Sara's shorts. Smooth skin clenched under her palm as her finger breached the

waistband of her underwear to cup her mound.

"Now I am sure that this was not part of your curriculum." Sara breathed. Countering her words, she

parted her legs further with two feet sliding against the floor. She allowed Tegan to trace lightly up

her slit before dipping between her lips. Her breathing paused.

"I'm just making sure you're as wet as I am." Tegan whispered. Her two fingers were covered in thick

fluid as they roamed through fleshy folds, the heat trapping her and contracting with desire. Sara's

head tipped forward as the knife she was holding was carefully set aside. Tegan pressed her lips

against the bump of Sara's spine, exposed from her short hair, while her finger dragged through

wetness. When her fingers found Sara's slick clit, the smaller woman's entire body jumped in her

embrace.

"I am often soaked in your presence." She admitted with a moan tangled in her throat. Tegan's core

jerked, but she only kissed the dampening skin of the nape of Sara's neck in response. Her fingers

danced around Sara's clit slowly, testing to see how swollen she was and taking in a sense of how

sensitive she might already be. Sara's knuckles were white against the edge of the counter, tension

hard in the back of her neck, proving that she was indeed very sensitive.

Tegan was in no mood to beat around the bush and let it be known as she rolled her fingers very

softly over Sara's clit in an expanding spiral. The further around the twitching button she went,

pressing against more of her each time, the faster she went.

Sara whimpered, tossing her head back to rest on Tegan's shoulder. Her eyes were clenched shut,

but her lips were parted to aid her lungs in their search for air. They were wet from licking and

supple between red cheeks as her hair fell over one side of her face.

Tegan grinned as she switched it up, zoning her spirals inward this time and slowing her quick pace

to a sluggish rub in the opposite direction. Sara's brows shot into a tight knit, her teeth tugging at

her bottom lip. But just as Sara was growing used to this pace, Tegan changed once more. She found

the tip of her clit and pressed against the hot bud to caress hard and fast.

A surprised gasp ended in a soft moan. Sara's hips rocked to meet Tegan's fingers, her breathing

picking up. Her chest was heaving, emphasizing her breasts beneath her sweater, nipples straining

against fabric as she bit the flesh of her bottom lip. Tegan could tell she was growing close to her

climax, her fingers digging into the counter and her movements growing less self-aware and much

more controlled by finding her destination. She had melted into a puddle, held up only by Tegan's

body behind her, gasping as her hips rolled.

Quickly, Tegan retracted her hand. She watched in cruel amusement as Sara's eyes opened. She

lifted her head and took a gulp of air. "W-why have you stopped?"

Tegan placed her two damp fingers into her mouth. She sucked Sara's offering from the digits, rolling

her tongue exaggeratedly to catch Sara's attention. Obediently, Sara's eyes dropped to watch as her

tongue trailed up length between her fingers before releasing them with a small pop. "We wouldn't

want you to get too sensitive or you won't be able to fuck me the way you want later, right?"

Sara narrowed her eyes playfully, "What a minx you are, Tegan Rain."

The oven beeped to announce the tart's crust was properly warmed and ready as Tegan widened

her eyes innocently. "Who, me?"

An empathetic giggle was her only response as Sara ran a hand through her hair and searched for

composure.

The next hour was spent with Sara giggling as she watched Tegan sneakily devour strawberries as

she heated fudge. Tegan plopped a healthy portion of vanilla ice cream into the tart cups, watching

it soften and melt as Sara took the task of aligning five perfectly placed strawberries on each tart.

Tegan took this time to squeeze Sara's bum through her thin shorts and laugh when Sara giggled and

swatted at her roaming hands. When she was happy with the job she had done, she stepped back

and admired Tegan as she drizzled hot fudge over each cup.

"This feels very domestic and homey in ways I never thought I would experience," Sara commented

after swallowing a spare strawberry. "It is different when we are the only people present. I like it."

Tegan turned to her with a warm smile. The sun was gone, replaced by the moon to start the night.

The sky was black behind Sara's head, twinkling with stars and fresh rainclouds. It only added to

exactly what Sara had said, the domesticity of spending the day as it eased into the night with the

one you love. At least, that's what Tegan felt. She tried not to think about the lack of that in what

Sara had said as she nodded in agreement. "Me too."

Sara's smile was as warm as the hot fudge as she leaned forward and pressed her lips sweetly to

Tegan's cheek. It set off a cluster of butterflies in Tegan's entire body as her own smile brightened

into a curl that showcased her gums and popped her piercing out further.

"You are so immensely cute." Sara all but purred, taking a step closer to Tegan. She took a hold of

the back of her neck and easily brought their lips together, smothering Tegan's flattered chuckle.

Though her words were gentle, her kiss was not. The heat that had built up between them from

teasing and promises spurred on a hungry kiss that had Sara pinned against the counter in seconds,

a low moan passing between their lips when hips slammed.

She tugged Sara closer, meeting every inch of their clothed bodies together while their tongues met

outside of their mouths, flicking playfully and eliciting mumbled laughter. But as quickly as the

laughter started, it ended as Tegan's teeth tugged Sara's lip and sucked the abused flesh between

her own tingling pair. Sara's hands were brave and slow as they traced Tegan's neck with the tips of

her fingers, drifting lower to cup her breasts though her thin shirt, kneading lightly. The friction

immediately hardened her nipples against the padding of her bra and her touch set off Tegan's

desire like a firework, exploding and crackling through her bloodstream.

She growled with all the pent up energy fueling her on and she gripped the front of Sara's sweater in

her fist as she parted their lips. "Bedroom."

Her demand was rough with clear intentions, but Sara paused. "The tarts-"

"Fuck it."

"But the ice cream will melt, Teg-"

Before Sara could finish her sentence, Tegan was tearing their bodies apart and slamming the plate

of dessert into the freezer in two quick movements. She turned to Sara with a quirked brow, "We

can eat those later. For now…" She grabbed Sara's hand and dragged her willing partner through the

hall. She didn't bother shutting the door, allowing herself to pretend like this was a home they

decorated together, where they made love without worrying of anyone hearing or seeing. She threw

her clothes off, dropping damp plaid briefs to the ground and throwing her bra across the room in

careless haste.

When she was fully nude, she saw Sara was still wearing underwear, only just now dropping her bra,

and gave a disapproving tut. She stepped forward, tracing her finger across the skin above the

waistband of lace. She looked at Sara through hooded eyes and curled her fingers beneath the

underwear, tugging it to meet the rest of their clothes on the ground. Sara looked ethereal under

the moon of their open curtains, skin tinted blue as the muscles in her stomach were tightened to

her quick breathing and plump breasts rose to give her lungs short bursts of air.

Biting her lip, Tegan backed herself up slowly. The back of her knees met the mattress and she fell

onto their bed. It was perfectly made, the sheets tucked in and smoothed of wrinkles- something

Tegan had never witnessed on her bed until Sara began to share it. She scooted up the length of the

mattress on her hands with her legs bent at the knee until her back met the cool headboard. Her

stare was unfaltering, gazing into Sara's with intensity that she felt all over her heated body, as she

spread her legs to expose Sara's prize.

A quiver erupted in her core as Sara's glassy eyes lowered. She took a seemingly subconscious step

forward, her legs touching the bed, as if the sight of Tegan's pussy drew her in under a spell. Tegan

rested her elbows against the mattress to keep herself propped up as she basked in Sara's attention.

More aroused by being under Sara's stare than anything else that night, she was sure her entire slit

was glazed and glistening under the moon's light, accumulating even more as Sara dropped one

knee to the groaning bed. The shadows of the night curled around her curves, emphasizing them

more than Tegan had ever seen. The angle of her jaw looked sharper, her hips looked wider, her

breasts bigger, and her stomach tighter. The new position of her legs allowed Tegan to see the

arousal clinging between her legs, watering her mouth. She kept her lips sealed to refrain from

drooling as she balanced herself on one elbow and beckoned Sara with one finger, hoping it was as

seducing as she felt.

It seemed to be properly tempting to Sara, who climbed onto the squeaking mattress with elegant

grace no one would ever accomplish so effortlessly. She stopped when she was sitting on her legs

between Tegan's own wide open thighs. "You must be very well lubricated for such a position," Her

voice had dropped an octave, but her lisp was more prominent than ever. "I do not want to risk

painful friction overriding pleasure."

Tegan wrinkled her brow, disagreeing silently that she needed to be any wetter. She was already

completely prepared to take on anything with all the blood in her body filling her pulsating clit. "I

don't own any lube." She said instead.

A tiny smile tilted over Sara's face, as if Tegan had just said something adorably stupid. Her hands

met Tegan's thighs that erupted in goose bumps as she slid slowly up the length of her limbs before

bypassing her center to trace up her clenching stomach muscles. She had Tegan's rapt attention as

she craned her neck down so their lips brushed, causing Tegan's lashes to bat with passion burning

in her gut. "Who said anything about requiring such foreign liquid, Tegan Rain?"

Tegan felt a fire rush from the center of her chest to her toes at the mischievous sparkle in Sara's

eyes. There was timid confidence in Sara that had been absent for so long, fueled Tegan's

desperation and – she was sure – the confirmation of her job. It was just a shadow of the self-

assurance she had once adorned in falsity, but it was there very slightly now and genuine. It made

Tegan's heart jump and her core ache.

She parted her lips to kiss the tempting pair hovering so near, eager to praise her silently with a kiss.

Sara leaned in as if she were going to accept her lips, but just as hot breath met, she dipped lower

and tugged Tegan's piercing lightly with her teeth the same way she had witnessed Tegan do so

often. But her nervous habit had never roared such a bright fire in her gut, and as she opened her

fallen eyelids, the flames licked her entire body as she caught Sara's sportive grin.

"Is this payback for earlier?" She guessed.

Sara giggled softly. Instead of answering, she caught Tegan's bottom lip and moved her hands to

cradle her cheeks; Tegan took that as a yes. Their tongues moved in a familiar dance, tasting of

sweet strawberries. Sara's fingers caressed her cheeks so lightly she felt it in every beat of her quick

heart. Her body heat was so teasing in its proximity as their lips smacked and their breathing grew

ragged against each other's faces.

Her head tipped back to rest against the headboard as Sara's lips moved to her neck. They were so

hot it was as if Sara was breathing the same fire in Tegan's body onto her skin, softly sucking her skin

as her teeth reached out to nip reddening flesh. Tegan sucked in stale air and released it in a low

moan, her hips undulating to meet nothing but unsatisfying air. She whimpered as her hands tangled

in Sara's wavy hair.

Electric sparks were set off every spot Sara's lips found as her tongue flicked over sensitive patches

and her teeth sunk into soft flesh. She was descending lower, moving her body even more

upsettingly further away so she could reach the tops of Tegan's breasts. But when her lips wrapped

around one erect bud, it made up for the lack of stimulation between her thighs. A gasp zipped up

her throat as Sara sucked her nipple with the same care she did her clit, gently tucking it under her

tongue as their eyes met. Tegan brushed Sara's hair to tuck behind her ear as she encouraged

roughly, "Bite me."

Sara's lips twitched into the phantom of a smile. She twirled her wet tongue over the bud once,

twice... fuck, three times before catching it between two rows of slightly crooked teeth. She was

gentle, lightly applying the smallest bit of pressure as she tugged her head back a fraction and

soothed it with the tip of her tongue. Heat blazed down the back of Tegan's neck as she moaned,

fisting Sara's hair. Sara kissed tenderly across the valley between her breasts with soft smacks to find

the neglected twin, flicking her tongue out to swipe over the bud that was so hard it was bordering

on painful. She danced over it as fast as she could as Tegan let out a cry and arched her back. Sweat

was prickling at her body, building beneath her pores. She couldn't wait any longer.

"Are you ready, Sara? God, I'm so fucking ready, ba-" Tegan swallowed the endearment quickly.

Jesus, what the fuck was wrong with her? She shook off the cold terror of her near destruction of

everything and whispered, "Please."

Sara raised her head to look between her thighs. She assessed the pool beginning to drip down the

curve of Tegan's ass and was apparently pleased with what she saw as she raised herself to her

knees. She backed up a foot and hooked her hands around Tegan's legs, gently pulling her to rest in

the middle of the bed with the aid of Tegan's shove downwards. "I do not want your head to collide

with the wood." She explained as she settled her body between Tegan's legs. Four nipples met,

sliding through traces of saliva left on Tegan's breasts as she was kissed like a teenager experiencing

their first. Sara was treating her so delicately, kissing her as if she were the finest porcelain and

feared a crack beneath her palms at any moment. Her icy hands traveled down Tegan's curves to

find her hands, locking their palms for a moment. Tegan's heart fluttered, smiling into the kiss as

Sara squeezed her hands and rubbed her thumbs before releasing and breaking their lips apart.

She stared down at her so fucking dotingly that Tegan could pretend like love was present in her

orbs as her hand dusted down her blazing cheek with a sweet smile. Smitten with the shadowed face

curtained in dampening hair, Tegan gave a dopey grin in return as Sara positioned her legs. Her

touch gentle, Sara spread Tegan's legs as wide as they would go with her feet dangling in the air. She

felt her warm wetness trickle further down her bum as Sara then set about climbing on top of her.

Sara had to part her own legs very wide to rest her knees on either side of Tegan's hips and legs,

flowering herself open as Tegan rested her calves on Sara's shoulders. She reached between their

bodies to steady Sara's hips, caressing her skin lovingly and helping her keep balance as she slowly

seated herself.

There was a moment of still silence. Tegan sucked in a breath as her eyes slammed shut while Sara's

hands wrapped around her thighs. The connection between them was so hot and slick and, fuck,

unbelievable, but the feeling – the act they were creating and Sara's gentle treatment – caused

Tegan's eyes to sting with tears. Her heart was as swollen as her core, throbbing just as intensely.

Her trust and love for the woman above her was consuming and… goddamn it, she refused to cry

during sex again.

She kept her eyes squeezed shut as she willed away the lump in her throat. She was an emotional

mess, prepared to cry at the drop of a hat. The combination of happiness and hurt that clashed in

her chest when they had sex was messy and confusing, proving everyone who had ever called her

over-dramatic correct. She couldn't help it. Her heart was breaking and fluttering all at once and she

was going to have to resign herself to this moment of utter despair and elation until Sara ended their

sexual relationship in the future. The reminder of that only twisted harder at her heart.

She sucked in a steadying breath.

Sara's hands ran soothingly up her thighs as her hushed voice asked, "Are you alright, darling?" And

now her mind was playing tricks on her, twisting Sara's words so she could hear what she wanted: a

pet name, a clue that she mattered more to Sara than a friend who offered a willing body when she

needed one.

Biting her lip, Tegan peeled open her eyes when she was positive they were dry. Sara was peering

down at her with concern heavy in her eyes, her lips pursed. Her stomach was tight with effort to

refrain from moving, her breasts capturing Tegan's attention as they rose alluringly to her breathing.

"Yeah." She answered hoarsely.

"I am not causing you pain?" Sara questioned worriedly.

Tegan cracked an ironic smile, "No, you aren't."

"Are you positive?" Tegan grinned with a nod. "May I-"

"You don't have to ask."

Sara studied Tegan's face for a few agonizing ticks on the clock. Tegan waited for her to find

whatever it was she was looking for, her saddened thoughts locked far away from her eyes. Tegan's

body was coursing with the need for movement, and when Sara very softly rocked her hips,

adrenaline soared into Tegan's gut and smacked into pleasure.

"Fuck!" She cursed, throwing her head against the blankets as her back raised as if she were

receiving an exorcism.

Wet clits kissed as heatedly as their lips had in the kitchen. Sara's grinding hips were cautious and

slow, dipping Tegan into the mattress meticulously, but the way her clit trembled over Tegan's did

nothing to belie her desire. Tegan opened her eyes, finding Sara checking very clearly for any signs of

discomfort. Her stare was penetrating, her movements calculated as she made sure there was no

pain in her rocking.

She knew there was only one way to ease Sara's mind; she had to show she wanted this and enjoyed

it just as much. She raised her hips from the bed and just as Sara lowered herself, Tegan humped

forward.

Sara's jaw dropped to a soft whimper, and oh god, Tegan felt Sara's clit pulse as her hands tightened

around the soft flesh of her thighs. She didn't stop, continuing to meet Sara thrust for thrust until

the other woman lost her reserved control and began to move so fast that the springs in the bed

were squeaking and the headboard smacked into the wall. Tegan whined, her neck thrown back as

her hands searched for anything to hold onto. She found the bed sheets above her head and

clutched them between sweaty palms, her elbows and feet swaying in the air as Sara moaned very

quietly above her.

"Sara!" she groaned. Their bodies were moving easily with sweat aiding them, but their thighs were

rubbed raw, creating fire between their skin with every forward snap of hips. Tegan could no longer

tell whose juices were whose, as they mingled together against every inch of both pussies until they

were coated completely in easy friction and leaking onto the triangle of curls of Tegan's mound. But

despite that, Tegan could feel Sara pouring against her, seeping from pleasure to grow lost in their

combined arousal. She could feel the hot fluid dripping over her inner lips and clit, slipping down to

settle against her entrance. Sara was inside of her without actually ever breaching her. It made her

feel alive, as if the sun was beaming down in the night to shine over the two of them only. She felt

like her heart would escape her body as it slammed viciously against her ribcage and her lungs seized.

She was incapable of making any sound past high whimpers and the loud shouts scratching at her

throat. Her head was digging into the comforter, eyes rolling into the back of her head as she

listened to Sara's soft whispers of pleasure under the bed's groans and her own unintentionally

noisy mouth. Every breath she emitted was turned into a sharp cry, so close to a scream that she

worried what their neighbors were hearing and assuming.

She couldn't control herself even if she wanted to. She was writhing against sheets she dampened

with sweat, tugging the duvet. She could feel lips on her ankle, lightly kissing and parting with warm

breath against her bones every time Sara released a whimper. Her folds were suckling Tegan's, their

clits pressed so firmly together that it felt as if they were performing a ritual to merge into one being.

The touch was like velvet, so soft and hot. Every swollen part of Sara was caressing the thudding

pressure between Tegan's thighs, dragging her through a fog of encasing heat and jelly legs.

As heat began to burn to her approaching release, she forced her eyes open. Sara's body was

glistening with exertion, her breasts bouncing and nipples standing in the air. Her jaw was dropped,

cheeks ablaze, but her eyes were settled on Tegan's as if she had been waiting for her to open her

eyes. And when their gazes met, a smile that reached her bright eyes lit up her entire face. Her fringe

flopped against her forehead while her nose crinkled cutely, as if they were sharing an innocent gaze

across a crowded room.

With all the effort inside of her, Tegan willed her mouth open. The English language felt fuzzy, as if

letters were dancing around in a blobby mess as she tried to remember how to speak. "S-Sara, fuck–

I'm gonna come!" She warned as articulately as possible. She was unsure if her tendency to erupt

was something Sara would want to be far away from in this position; she wanted to give her the

opportunity to escape in time if she desired.

Sara didn't leave, but instead intensified her thrusts, hunching her shoulder forward and pursing her

lips to roll their clits together in the wide circles Tegan loved so much. She moaned deliriously as her

nails scratched helplessly over the sheets; Sara knew just what to do and she was merciless. She was

attuned to Tegan's body, knowing how to bring her to the quickest and most intense ecstasy. Tegan

was drilled far into the mattress as Sara timed the way her clit either circled or rubbed up and down

against hers, gentle but powerful.

It felt amazing, to be so close to Sara. To feel Sara – feeling her heartbeat in her core and having her

heart match its thumps. To see the care in Sara's eyes. To be so understood in what she needed; to

be the one Sara was sharing this with–

It happened so quickly her back snapped into a tight bow and a cry ripped through her throat. She

was gushing against, and possibly into Sara as lights exploded behind her eyelids and her body curled

and coiled to an intense rush over her goose bumped skin. She heard Sara gasp her name and grasp

her thighs, clit twitching against Tegan's to succeed in prolonging their pleasure. They whimpered

together, small spasms driving their sensitive cores together until they gradually relaxed. Tegan

collapsed into the mattress with a satisfied moan, jerking her hips in search of one last touch of Sara.

Sara pressed against her for a long, acquiescent moment with quiet pants as she recuperated.

Tegan rested her cheek against her shoulder and peeked up at Sara, who was lazily kissing her ankle.

Tegan's heart was in her throat as she raised a numb arm to cup Sara's jaw, forcing her to turn and

make eye contact with her.

Sara's smile was luminescent with post-coital exhaustion heavy in her eyes. She gently helped Tegan

lower her legs to the bed, the muscles cramped and aching as Sara lowered herself to rest beside her

in a heap of tired limbs. She lay on her side, facing Tegan as she brushed the hair tickling Tegan's

nose off of her face. "Did that cause you pain?"

"Uh-uh." Tegan hummed contently and rolled onto her side. Her legs felt weak and her thighs were

burning as their fluids dripped down the angry red flesh. "My legs are going to hurt like a bitch

tomorrow, but I really don't care."

Sara gave an airy laugh, her lids slipping closed. "That required much effort and strength I do not

necessarily have." She sighed. "I am sufficiently tired."

"Did you enjoy your prize?" Tegan murmured just as sleepily, admiring the way the moon shone over

the sweat clinging to Sara's brow.

Sara's eyes slit open as, with what seemed like quite a bit of will, she lifted her head to kiss Tegan's

gross, sweaty forehead. She seemed far from bothered that it was now clinging to her lips as she

dropped her head back down and whispered, "More than I have enjoyed any prize in the past. You

are the ultimate gift, Tegan Rain."

Tegan was less exhausted form her bottoming position, and found it much easier than Sara to sit up.

She coaxed the other woman higher up the bed, chuckling when Sara lazily helped her along the way.

She reached for the blankets she had had tossed in her fists and pulled them to Sara's chin before

crawling in beside her. Still lost in the connection she had felt moments ago, she was unabashed

when she pulled Sara to her front and cuddled her with a soft sigh as she dragged her fingers

through Sara's damp locks. She could feel every inch of Sara's body and her warm breath against her

neck as they snuggled into their pillows. "Congratulations, beautiful. I'm so proud of you." She

whispered.

She felt Sara smile as a kiss brushed over her neck, "Thank you."

Tegan played with Sara's hair in silence as she listened to her breathing even out. A lump was tight in

her throat as the act of pretending wore off the closer Sara fell into dreams. She kept her breath

steady as her eyes began to sting and her vision blurred. She sucked her trembling bottom lip into

her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut. Sara's breathing grew heavy rather quickly, puffs slowly

hitting Tegan's skin. One lone tear escaped her trap and descended down her cheek as she lightly

twirled Sara's hair around her finger.

What was she doing? God, what the fuck was she doing? She was going to slip up; she did slip up. It

was becoming too easy for her to pretend they were together, to appease her heart and confuse her

mind. She was going to ruin everything, Sara was going to run away. This feeling after sex, this

realization of what she was allowing herself to do to escape reality, hurt too much.

She was acting like an idiot, allowing things she never would have in the past, in search of some

fraction of emotion from Sara. But it was painful. She took in an unsteady breath through her nose

as her body threatened to quack with sobs. This all just hurt too fucking much.

With a short sniffle, Tegan slowly detached herself from Sara. She was careful not to stir the sleeping

woman as she eased off the creaking bed and padded across the floor, strewn with discarded clothes.

She tiptoed to the dresser and eased it open very quietly as she retrieved a pair of boxers in the dark.

She slipped into them and grabbed her cellphone where she had left it on the armoire earlier that

day.

A glance over her shoulder assured her Sara was still sound asleep, cuddled to the bed as if Tegan

was still resting beside her as she left and walked quickly to the bathroom, ignoring the dull pangs in

her center and pelvis. Her skin went tight with dried sweat in the chilly air as she closed and locked

the door and flipped on the light.

In her reflection, she saw defeat. Her bloodshot eyes were swimming with tears, her neck and

breasts marked and her lips puffy from being used. She could make herself believe it was more than

that while it was happening, but afterwards came the cruel creep of truth. She wasn't good enough

for Sara, who saw her as nothing but a friend. She was acting like they were a couple, kissing her in

the kitchen and giggling with her like they were children, calling her sweet names and opening her

legs to Sara's every whim. She was making love to her and begging Sara to put more into her touch.

What was left was nothing but friendship, no matter what she led herself believe. Friendship in the

form of willing fingers and a set of lips.

She shook herself angrily; there was so much more to their delicate relationship than sex. She was

being unfair to Sara in this moment of self-pity. Sara was clearly not an evil person; she was kind and

gentle. She wasn't using her. She was offering what they both had wanted. She wasn't alone in this

arrangement. Tegan was just as much at fault in her own misery, if not so much more.

She pressed her knuckles into her eyes, exploding swirling colors, but her tears came no matter how

hard she tried to fight them off. Her nose clogged as her shoulder shook to her heartbreak. She

dropped her head forward as she lit her phone's screen in search of her contacts. It was late, but not

terribly so. Tegan knew her mother would answer on the second ring and listen to her blubber into

the receiver all night.

She scrolled through hazy tears, but her attention was caught as she saw an opportunity; a way out.

She saw a light at the end of the tunnel, something to guide her out of the darkness she was stuck in.

There was an escape on her screen to crawl out of the downward spiral she was sucked deep inside

of. She could fix the plan she and Emy were so unhappy with.

Her thumb hovered uncertainly before she took in a steely breath of confidence. Before she could

talk herself out of it, she pressed the phone to her ear. Only three short and ominous rings echoed

through her ear before a feminine voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Chloe?" Her voice was raspy from tears and shouts of pleasure. "Hey. It's, uh… it's Tegan."


	27. A Closed Door

Tegan could openly admit that she acted out on emotion before thought, and that was her ultimate

downfall when it came to decision making. She was fueled by irrationality, controlled by her heart

before her mind could logically see through the issue at hand.

It was a longstanding issue. She had spent countless high school nights burrowed beneath her

blankets listening to Jenn's angry hiss on the other line of the phone. Even now, after all these years,

when Tegan closed her eyes and let her mind drift, she could hear those words as if they were

striking at her ear all over again, "Do you do everything the wrong way on purpose, Tegan?"

Of course, that was not the only thing Tegan had done wrong in Jenn's eyes. She was clingy and

obnoxious, drawing all the attention to herself. She cried too much. She was too spontaneous,

leaping when others tread carefully. She shouted when others whispered. She cried when others

laughed and laughed when others cried. She joked too often, yet was somehow still too solemn. She

had learned to disregard a lot of what Jenn complained about, but acting before she thought was

something the blonde had managed to hit the nail on the head after reacting, came the

cringing wish that she had stopped to think rationally.

Calling Chloe had been unbelievably stupid. She had no idea what she had been thinking. Lost in hurt,

she hadn't even paused for a second to evaluate all the reasons why calling the damn near stranger

was a horrible idea. But under the fresh light of day, every reason was staring her back in the face as

boldly as the sun was shining. No sense of rain was present, the day hot like summer should be, and

Tegan felt like a fool.

But her mind was reeling and gnawing at her gut: Using a woman who had been nothing but kind to

her was cruel. It would accomplish nothing but additional discomfort. What was she trying to

accomplish anyway? Was she even trying to accomplish anything or was she flailing due to the way

humans dealt with pain? Dating someone else would not assure losing feelings for Sara or gaining

them for anyone else. The two didn't cancel each other out, that's not how feelings work! Did she

even want to lose her feelings for Sara? Why was she enjoying her misery? Was she unveiling the

truth of being a deeply rooted masochist?

She didn't have many answers for herself. The response to her echoing questions was long sighs as

she rubbed her forehead. She was beating herself up, distracting herself with harsh berating. Sara

sent her small frowns of worry all throughout the day, but Tegan sent her strained grins as she

mumbled that she was totally fine.

She felt anything but fine, however. She knew Sara could tell by the intensity in her gaze that she

didn't believe her and she was right to. But Sara once again proved why she would be the ideal

partner and instead of pushing her to be honest, she accepted Tegan's lie with a quiet nod. Tegan

wished she prove to be imperfect for once and force the truth from her sealed lips.

She felt like a fucking idiot. But she was only human, she tried to tell herself. She could make

mistakes and act on instinct to protect herself. Yet it did little to ease her mind as only moments

later, she was furiously referring to herself as stupid and heartless. Despite everything, she had

made a commitment for tonight. She had a date with a woman she had no feelings for. She went

over many excuses to cancel her plans until it was too late – She could get Emy to call Chloe and

claim she had died very suddenly, she could fake a cough and croak apologizes for falling ill, she

could be fucking honest for once and admit this was all bullshit.

But even that felt unfair, after hearing the pleased lilt to Chloe's voice last night as she agreed to pick

Tegan up for dinner. To give her that hope only to strip it away at the last minute would be harsh.

She couldn't do it. Chloe was probably on her way to the apartment now anyway.

Her neck bent forward as she dropped her chin to her chest. She glared at the living room couch as if

it was the source of all her self-inflicted problems.

Fuck.

"My, Tegan Rain, look at you."

Tegan's jump of surprise felt guilty. Her heart stopped for a short pause before regaining life and

shooting into hyper speed as she spun on her heel.

Sara rounded the corner of the hall with a smile sketched onto her sweet face. Her black sweater

was thick, as if the outdoors still held any hint of chill, and hung loosely past her bum to mask the

soft curves beneath. The color was bold on her pale skin. She looked like a ghost who haunted

libraries, cradling the thick novel she had been so invested in all day tightly to her chest. Tegan's

chest ached.

"I have not seen you in such formal wear since my birthday." Sara padded quietly towards her. The

tips of her socks were too long for her small feet, curling under her toes like a child wearing their

father's clothes. She stopped only inches away and hugged her book with one arm as the fingers of

her opposite hand straightened Tegan's white tie. It made skin crawl, as if she was doing something

terrible and wrong as Sara traced her fingers over the silk material she had put on for another

woman, helping her doll up for someone else. "I had forgotten how nice you can look when you put

even the smallest of effort into your appearance." A teasing glint was in Sara's eye, but Tegan felt

sick. She swallowed thickly and looked away. Her stomach was twisted as she tugged at her sheer

black button down and rethought her choice of tight purple pants. "Oh… I- I'm sorry." Sara

whispered contritely. Shamefaced, she dropped her head forward with her lips tugged down at the

corners. She looked as if she was beating herself up as badly as Tegan had been doing to herself all

day. Her hand was hesitantly hanging in the air, her eyes battling a silent war inside of herself. The

time they had invested over helping her act on her wishes won the internal fight, and her soft and

cold fingers cupped Tegan's cheek with imploring eyes, "I did not mean to cause offense. I was

merely attempting a joke."

"No, it's okay." Tegan assured her with a forced smile. "I'm not offended. I was just, you know…

thinking." She paused before adding with a more convincing grin, "It was a good joke."

Sara looked her over with a timid nod. She seemed to be searching Tegan's face for the truth, but

ultimately resigned herself to lies. Her eyes fell to the floor as her teeth tore at her frowning bottom

lip, wrinkled in unhappy lines. Tegan hated herself for creating that look of uncertainty in the woman

she was trying so desperately to help find self-assurance. She hated herself even more, watching

Sara retreat into a mask of false confidence. She planted a smile on her face, but it was anything but

convincing; it didn't reach her eyes. It was so far from her beam last night, the bright happiness was

beautiful, but this curl of her lips was dull. She had found a new mask after discarding her old one,

slipping the elastic band over her head to hide behind fake plastic from Tegan.

God fucking damn it.

Her hand was still resting on Tegan's cheek, but it felt even colder than before. The gentle warmth in

her touch had evaporated and it felt dead holding her face. Perhaps this is why so many others had

complained of her touch – without the affection, it was as if a corpse was resting on their skin. Tegan

resisted the urge to flinch away as she watched Sara's throat jump to a swallow, finding it within

herself to speak up once more. "What is the occasion for such an outfit, Tegan Rain?" Her inquiry

was casual and soft, but Tegan heard the difference. Her voice was not smooth, but ragged with

thoughts; it was so subtle, but Tegan had invested herself in all things Sara Clement for three

months. She heard it as if Sara was screaming her insecurities in one breath of air on her face.

"Uh…" Tegan reached behind her head to pull her combed hair and scratch her nails over her scalp,

punishing herself with sharp tugs. She did not want to admit the truth of why she was dressed up,

but the last thing she needed was another lie on her heavy shoulders. She pulled her hair so hard

tears sprung in her eyes. Why did she feel such turmoil? Sara didn't care where she was going. What

was her problem? "I'm, uh…" Sara's brows rose as she waited for Tegan to shake herself. She was

being an idiot again. "I'm going on a date, actually."

The moment the truth was out, Sara's hand fell limply to her side. Heat refused to find Tegan's skin,

the chill of Sara's presence stuck to her cheek.

Sara blinked. Behind hazel orbs, Tegan saw the smallest flash of something she couldn't place. She

saw her chest freeze mid-inhale, and frowned in wonderment of what she could possibly be thinking

to be using her breathing exercise now. "A date?" Her question was breathless, as if she had been

kicked in the stomach and could not find air. She blinked again, rapidly. Her jaw twitched as a heated

pink tint built in her cheeks. She took a step away from Tegan, distancing them. Her arms held either

elbow, and to Tegan, it looked as if she was hugging herself; protecting herself. But from what, she

didn't know. "But… I- I was under the impression…"

Her voice faded into nothing, hanging on the last syllable. Tegan peered into her eyes, worried, but

they were shuttered off. "Under the impression of what?" she asked gently. Her hand reached

forward, intending on brushing Sara's hair from her eyes so she could find what she was looking for,

but the small woman took a half-step away from her touch. She hadn't jumped hastily away or

growled a warning, but the implication was strong in the creak of the floorboards.

Tegan allowed her hand to drop, stung. Her heart shrunk away as she distanced them further with

her own step back. It had become so natural to touch Sara whenever she pleased. To have that

revoked for reasons she didn't understand made her want to cry.

"Sara?" She called out to the soft person she adored so much.

"May I ask with whom you are… attempting to woo into romance?" Sara asked to the floor.

"Um, her name's Chloe." Tegan rubbed the back of her neck as it heated with nervous sweat. "We,

uh… we met when I was waiting for you to do your interview for the bookstore." She explained.

Sara looked up so quickly Tegan cringed in fear for her neck. Her eyes were swimming with

something, her arms tightening around her chest. "But that… that was the day you…" She

stammered with no elegance. Her words were thick, as if stuck in her throat and wheezing down her

windpipe as she tried to reclaim her thoughts before they found the air. Tegan's brow furrowed in

concern and confusion, it hurt to see Sara act so unlike herself. For the first time ever, she wished

she had not taken away her protective mask. Despite her offense of being shrugged away, she

stepped forward and tried to meet Sara's flickering eyes. "That was the day you were so

completely…"

"Sara, what're you thinking?" Tegan whispered. "The day I was what? What's wrong?"

Sara's lips tucked themselves into her mouth. Her shoulder drew in tightly as she shook her head

very faintly and turned her head to look out the window at the darkening sky. The tendons in her

neck were straining and her face was pink. Her chest went so still, and Tegan grew desperate when

she saw Sara was finding composure. She held her lips so tightly, her knuckles white against her

sweater. She was sheltering herself and disappearing.

"Sara, please let me in." Tegan begged. "What's wrong? I don't understand. Why are you so ups-"

A knock on the front door broke their attention. Two pairs of eyes darted towards the block of wood,

one strained with anxiety and the other lifeless.

"It seems as if she has arrived." Sara murmured, void of emotion.

Tegan turned back to her, wide eyed as she rushed, "I can cancel. I should cancel. I'm going to cancel.

We need to talk, you're clearly upset about something and I don't want to leave you like this-"

"You will do no such thing." Sara's voice went sharp, anger brimming in the strength of her jaw. "She

has come all this way. You must answer the door." Tegan stood frozen. "Go on."

"But… Sara-"

"Oh, for heaven's sake." Sara muttered like a curse. She shook her head at Tegan like she was a

disobedient dog and her frown intensified between thin eyebrows. "Answer the door, Tegan Rain. I

would do so myself, but it would not be proper to open the door of another's date."

"We're talking about this when I get back, okay?" Tegan took a cautious step towards the door.

"We're going to talk this out."

Sara stared back at her, holding her book tightly.

Tegan took another few steps to the door and rested hand on the knob, willing Sara to stop her. But

the other woman remained silent. "We'll figure all of this out in a few hours." She said again,

comforting herself more than Sara. She turned the knob and put on a smile that felt fake. "Chloe,

hey."

Standing at the doorway, Chloe smiled. Her short blue dress seemed to shine under the light, flared

around her waist. Her thighs looked strong and pale, leading into strappy black heels that made her

even taller than before. A thin silver chain was rested against her collarbones, the pendant lost

between her breasts and inside of her dress. "Hey, Tegan." She greeted. Her piercing blue eyes

roamed over Tegan's attire, her grin widening. "You look very handsome."

Tegan gave an awkward laugh, "Thanks. You look really nice." She admitted truthfully.

Chloe smiled sweetly. Her eyes flickered past Tegan's head and something flashed over her face as

she raised her hand in a wave. Her fingers flicked in the air, "Hi there!"

Tegan turned around. Sara's head was bowed, her fingers bone white against her book. The night

was black behind her head, shadowing the living room in darkness. She looked between Tegan and

Chloe, her lips twisted into a frown that she sucked into her mouth. She looked like a child on their

first day of school as she lifted her head and gave a mere ghost of her normal beam. "Hello." Her

voice was tight, like she was forcing herself to speak around a constricting lump. Tegan wanted to

slam the door in Chloe's face and figure out what was wrong with her.

"Sara, this is Chloe. Chloe, this is Sara." Tegan introduced half-heartedly. She hadn't imagined this to

be so awkward.

Chloe gave a bright grin. "Nice to meet you!"

Sara nodded shortly. Her shoulders looked so tight. "It is so lovely to meet you, Chloe."

Tegan blinked at the hidden aggression in Sara's voice. "Um, so… we should get going." Tegan

grabbed her keys and gave Sara a secretive look. "I'll see you later, okay, Sara?"

She looked over her shoulder one last time before closing the door. Sara was staring as if she

couldn't see the door, her eyes glazed with thoughts and her jaw twitching with her pursed lips. She

looked drained, as if she was giving up on… something, Tegan didn't know. She looked as helpless as

Tegan felt.

It physically hurt to sit on the hard wood of her seat. Her thighs had been stretched to their limit last

night, tugging the muscles all the way up to her bum out of place. She shifted her weight with

cautious, subtle cringes, but nothing eased off the pain centered between her thighs. Her pelvis was

shaded a light purple from the exuberant grind of bones and every time she attempted to cross her

legs - no matter how carefully - shooting pain soared through her entire lower half. The weight of

the zipper of her jeans was pressed tightly against her sore mound and the material was unforgiving

against her chaffed inner thighs. She just wanted to go home. She just wanted to put on loose

pajama pants and curl in bed with Sara, whispering conversation as they played with each others

hair and fingers.

But she knew that if she were home at this very moment, things would not be as easy as she hoped.

She had pushed Sara away with lies, as well as something she didn't completely understand, and

now she had to face it. She had to make up for the falter of Sara's confidence and apologize for

whatever else she had done to make Sara's eyes dim so drastically tonight. She wanted to be doing

that right now; drop to her knees and beg for forgiveness so they could get back to the place they

had been last night. She hated admitting she had no one to blame for this but herself. She had dug

this lengthy hole and buried the weighty dirt over her own head.

Sighing, she shifted her legs very slowly underneath the table, locking her ankles together in hopes

to ease the pressure off of her bum. It only accomplished in digging the harsh wood further against

her throbbing muscles, and with a sharp breath, she hurriedly shifted to the left and uncrossed her

ankles. She wondered absently if Sara's legs were aching from her far stretch which led her to

fantasizing of massaging Sara's sore body with slick lotion under dim lighting and low music. Despite

the pain and uncertainty brewing in her body, her core perked with interest. She could already

imagine Sara's soft giggles as she squirmed and tried to hold back her appreciation with stifled

moans. God, her skin would shine under the orange light-

Jesus, she shouldn't even be thinking these things. Sara was upset with her and Tegan was being a

creep when she should really be plotting for ways to find forgiveness, not how to get into her pants.

What was she even doing here? She should have cancelled hours ago. She should be with Sara. She

should be with Sara…who was not her girlfriend, or even interested in being so. Why did she feel like

she belonged to Sara? Why was she thinking these things as if they were together? Was she really so

driven by her love that she had made herself delusion with-

"You know, you could at least pretend like you're having a good time."

Tegan paused mid-chew on her buttered roll, stale between her teeth. She looked up from where

she had mindlessly been staring at the slab of untouched lasagna on her plate and blinked moisture

into her eyes. "Oh," Her voice was rough from disuse as she dryly swallowed. Nervously, she combed

her fingers through the ends of her hair to make sure the red mark beneath her ear was hidden. She

was fairly sure that obvious signs of love making with another woman was bad first date etiquette,

and with Chloe's eyes staring back at her, she was hyper aware of how Sara's lips had felt on her skin

last night. "Sorry. I'm…" Guilt swam in her stomach. She hadn't engaged in any conversation past

ordering her dinner and mumbled comments about the weather that she had paid less attention to

than the weather itself. "I'm sorry, Chloe. I know I'm being a shitty date-"

"It's that girl, right? I'm assuming." Chloe tipped her head curiously. Pale fingers twirled her fork

above her plate of crunchy salad, her lips pursed thoughtfully. "Sara. That's the girl you said you

were in love with. The one you're not dating, but want to. Right?"

There was no malice in her voice, but Tegan looked down at her lap in shame. There was no point in

pretending. God, what the fuck was she doing? She was acting out like a child, hurting people with

no regard to their feelings in order to fix herself. Who had she become? Only a year ago this would

be entirely outlandish. Her thumb dug into her temple. "I'm so sorry." She muttered. She knew it

was not enough, but it was all she had.

Chloe leaned back in her chair. The light caught her black hair, tinting it a dark blue as it curled down

her freckled shoulders. Her lips looked fuller than the first time they had met, painted in a rich red

color that stood out like blood against her pale complexion. The lacey bodice of her dress hugged

her breasts; eye capturing, but it just wasn't right. It didn't make Tegan's heart flutter.

"I just…" Tegan trailed off, her voice catching with bottled emotion.

"Sara is very beautiful." Chloe remarked lightly. Tegan's chuckle was humorless. Beautiful, she

thought scornfully. If only that was the case. "Is that why you had me come and pick you up? To

make her jealous?"

Tegan's first instinct was to protest such a ridiculous notion. Her lips formed a scoff, but her heart

froze as if she had just been caught in a web of lies and could not untangle herself out. It made her

pause in horror. Oh god, is that what she had done? Subconsciously, was she trying to punish Sara

for not returning her feelings? Was she being completely unfair, trying to force emotions into Sara

that didn't exist?

"No." Tegan murmured vaguely, to herself more than Chloe. "No, I… That's not what I'm doing. I

wouldn't…"

Sara would not become jealous from Tegan's stupid little rendezvous. She knew that. So there was

no way her subconscious had tried to sprout the ugly green monster in Sara's chest. How stupid and

desperate could she be, to try something so potentially hurtful and ineffective?

Apparently very stupid and ridiculously desperate, she realized with a stab of dread. She dropped

the half-eaten roll on her plate, no longer hungry.

"Look, it's clear that you've got a lot going on right now. I can see that emotionally you are totally

unavailable, I saw that the first time we met. And that's fine. I'm attracted to you, but I don't know

you. It doesn't hurt me that you're not into me." Chloe quirked a small smile. "I'm flattered you think

I'm hot enough to make someone else jealous, actually."

"God, I'm sorry." Tegan dropped her head into her hands and squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't know

what's wrong with me. I've been acting like a totally different person ever since I met Sara. My

emotions are all over the place. I keep fucking with other people and myself… and I'm sorry I've

wrapped you up in all my bullshit."

"Tegan, calm down." Chloe chuckled. Her laugh was easy, as if the situation they were in was neither

cruel nor unfair. "My feelings aren't hurt. This is only the second time I've met you so it's, like, way

too early for me to feel even slightly upset. I knew when you called me last night that this was not

going to be some big moment where we kissed goodnight and fell in love or whatever, I knew this

was just going to be friendly since you made the date at fucking ten-thirty at night sounding totally

unenthused. I mean, it's pretty damn obvious that you're not going to try to connect with me

romantically and that's cool. You're a taken woman, it's so fucking clear to me. Even if you're not

actually taken, you know? I told you its fine to be friends and I was serious."

"But still…" Tegan sighed. "I shouldn't have done this with you. It was wrong even if we really have

just met."

"Maybe," Chloe agreed with a careless shrug, "But its fine. What's done is done and we can at least

get to know each other while we're here, you know? You could tell me about Sara."

Tegan gaped. She really did not deserve the kindness people kept throwing at her. "That would be

fucked up. Wouldn't it? Would that be fucked up?"

Chloe shook her head and answered simply, "Nope." She lifted her water glass to her lips and took a

sip through the straw, staining the plastic with sticky red residue. "Do you want to talk about her?"

"I always want to talk about her." She admitted with an embarrassed shake to her head.

Chloe grinned. "Then, friend, I want to hear about her."

Tegan spent half the "date" gushing over Sara. She gave Chloe a play-by-play of every moment they

had spent together and what it had ultimately led to. Chloe comforted her with friendly

understanding and tried to persuade her into speaking about her feelings with Sara, to which Tegan

steered the subject into Chloe's life with ease. She learned that Chloe was not the prowling flirter

she had appeared to be at their first meeting, but a sweet and funny woman. She cut hair at a salon,

volunteered at an animal clinic, had been living on her own since she was eighteen, and owned a cat.

She was the perfect woman. Tegan wished she could like her.

"Tegan, you stupid fucking asshole!"

Closing the front door behind herself, Tegan's brows rose high on her forehead."Hello to you too,

Emy." She grumbled sarcastically as she dropped her keys.

"A date? A fucking date? Who the fuck is Chloe?" Emy's cheeks were blazing red as her whisper

screeched in a quiet shout. Her eyes were bright with rage that Tegan was sure she deserved, but

didn't know why. Any time Emy reached this level of anger, it was for a reason. "I come home and

can't find you, so I knock on your door and Sara tells me you went off with some dark haired girl.

What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I was just trying to fix-"

"Fix?" Emy's palm slapped Tegan's shoulder, tingling pain under her touch. Tegan cringed, thankful it

was not her cheek that received the blow. "Fix?! You've fucked up and now you have to fix!"

"What're you talking about-"

"Sara hasn't left your room all night." Emy hissed quietly. "I haven't heard anything from her after I

heard about your stupid date. She hasn't even gone to the bathroom or come out for food. I'm

worried that sh- Listen, just go in there and fix this."

Tegan paused for a very short moment. She searched Emy's wide eyes as what she had just said

caused something concerned and alert to erupt in her chest. She knew she had upset Sara earlier,

but to have Emy admit her own worry made it far more real and made her realize that she had

possibly messed up a lot more than she realized. Retreating into herself and shutting Sara out had

done more damage than she could have ever thought. She supposed that after being so open and

honest with each other, abruptly cutting off the truth and growing cold with emotions was like a slap

in the face. She could only imagine how hurt she would be if things were reversed. After such a

celebratory night of sex and even cuddling afterwards, if Sara had cut her off from her emotions she

would very upset whether or not they were in a romantic relationship.

Jesus fucking Christ, she just kept fucking up more and more.

With a low curse, she kicked her shoes off and rushed down the hall. She would thank Emy later, but

for now she had some serious apologizing to do.

She opened their door while holding her breath. She prepared herself for Sara growing cold and

detached, telling herself that if it hurt her feelings, it was only fair. She would deserve it.

The room was lit by the ceiling fan above, pouring light that contradicted the dark of hurt feelings.

Sara was seated on her side of their bed, her back to Tegan. She was still dressed, her head bowed

and her body tight with immobility. She wasn't breathing - that much Tegan could tell from the lack

of rise in her shoulders - and it scared her. She knew what that meant.

"Sara?" She said softly.

If possible, the muscles in Sara's neck went even more rigid. "Oh." Her voice was so unbelievably

small, a mouse's squeak. Tegan saw her lift her hand to her face in a horrible beat of unsure silence.

"How was your… your date?" Sara paused, before adding so softly Tegan almost didn't hear, "She

was very attractive."

"Dumb." Tegan admitted with a cautious step forward, as if they were in the woods and Sara could

take off at any moment. "But I don't want to talk about that. Sara… Are you…"

One step forward and Sara back straightened at the shuffle of Tegan's socked feet. Two steps and

she raised her head, but did not turn to face her. Three steps and Tegan was crawling onto her side

of the bed. Her knees met the groaning mattress as she scooted to the middle of bedding. She

rested on her legs, inches from Sara's still back. The muscles in her legs screamed in protest, but she

ignored the pain as her hand raised to hover unsurely at Sara's shoulder.

"Sara, can you look at me?" Sara said nothing in response as she kept still. "Please? Can you please

turn around so we can talk?"

The other woman still was not breathing, and Tegan feared she would soon be turning blue and

passing out from lack of oxygen. Her heart was thumping in her throat, chocking her with worry. She

was so unbelievably still, her muscles cramped with holding herself as hard as stone. It was as if she

were trying to turn into a statue, presenting herself as something that had no emotions to hurt.

Tegan chewed on her piercing, brows furrowed so tight that a headache was building beneath her

temples. "Sara?"

An uncertain pause gave Tegan a flash of disappointment when her call was met with no response.

But then, slowly, Sara's neck craned back. It was like she was admitting defeat to a fight Tegan

hadn't known she was struggling to win. Her shoulders were dropped in resignation, as if she was

willingly presenting her wrists for cuffs to be locked up for a crime she didn't commit.

Nothing could have prepared Tegan for the face of heartache she was met with. A gasp pulled at her

shrunken lungs and escaped her mouth as Sara angled her body so they were looking at each other.

Swimming in bloodshot eyes were tears threatening to break the barrier of tight eyelids. Sara's

cheeks were pink and wet, streaked with dried tears that curled down her chin and met her throat,

allowing Tegan the knowledge that these tears were not new or sudden. She had been crying for

much longer than Tegan had been back. Her lips were a painful looking red from abusing bites, the

curl of her fringe stuck to her sheening forehead.

"Oh, Sara…" Tegan breathed, lost for words. She had never seen something so heart breaking. She

had never expected to see Sara like this. Her own eyes stung and her throat began to ache with sobs

that had yet to come.

She saw Sara's lips quiver before they were hastily tucked into her mouth, but her chin wobbled as

her eyes darted away from Tegan's stare. She breathed in a sharp, uneven breath through her nose

wetly. Her jaw worked as if she were fighting with herself, her throat jumping to repetitive swallows.

Her hand was shaking as she raised it to swipe at the tears clinging to her clumped lashes, collecting

the salty trail on one finger. She looked down at the offensive liquid and gave a humorless chuckle. "I

never cry." Her voice was thick and broken. "I never cry, Tegan Rain." She looked up at Tegan as

fresh tears glazed over her eyes and dribbled down her cheeks. "I cannot even retrieve the memory

of my last shed tear."

Tegan lifted a hand to wipe the tears from Sara's cheek, but the smaller woman turned away.

Deciding she deserved that, her fingers dropped to the bed dejectedly.

"I never cry," She repeated so fucking quietly, as if she were a malfunctioning robot rusting it's

receptors with shocking tears. "My breathing exercises have failed me for the first time since

childhood. You've made me weak." She sniffled with a laugh, but her eyes were anything but

amused. "I have reverted into such weakness. Oh, mother would be positively revolted by my

pathetic showcase of emotion."

"Sara, what… what's wrong? Are you– Did someone hurt you? Is it… Why are you crying?" Tegan

begged to understand. A tear slipped down her cheek, and she watched as Sara's eyes dropped to

watch the trail descend down her jaw. "Please talk to me. Did someone hurt you?"

Sara's finger curled beneath Tegan's tear, catching it on her skin as if she hadn't refused Tegan to do

the same for her. She looked down at their mingled tears on the side of her digit and sniffled softly.

"You're so foolish, Tegan Rain. You've been so utterly foolish." She curled her long sweater over her

fist to dry Tegan's cheek with a gentle caress of clothed fingers. "But I must admit that I have been

an even greater fool."

Tegan wiped her nose and swallowed thickly. "What do you mean?"

"I am sorry, I am trying very hard to communicate my feelings, but it comes out so jumbled with the

embedded resistance between my teeth. It is hard for me as you well know." Sara gulped.

"I know. It's okay. I'll wait." Tegan soothed in a breath; assured she was okay and having emotions

was okay. Taking a minute was okay.

Sara whispered, "I have much to get off my chest. I cannot bear the weight of my secrets any longer,

not after… It will take me a moment to find the courage to rid myself of the instinct to be silent,

though."

"I know." Tegan murmured with a compassionate nod. "I know. That's okay, Sara. You can tell me

anything whenever you feel comfortable enough. You know that's okay."

Sara nodded shortly. Her fingers nervously picked at her perfect nails, scraping her cuticles as she

struggled to breathe and not hold back. The clock ticked slowly, the world paused and tilted on the

edge as Tegan waited. Her mind was everywhere and nowhere, running through mazes to smack

into barriers that blocked her from figuring out what was going on. Sara was apparently much more

upset with her than what she originally thought about something else other than today. But why?

Why was she foolish? What else had she done, however unintentionally? She roamed over the past

few months and swallowed hard. Was this because she had been so obvious with her feelings?

"I believe I have caused myself hurt. I misconstrue reality to fit my wishes." Tegan jumped at the

sound of Sara's soft voice suddenly cutting into thick silence. She looked to her lap and breathed

deeply, calming herself. "I have set myself up for this, I suppose. I had such disastrous hopes… but

they flew far too high and now I am facing the consequences as they crash to the ground." She

looked to Tegan, begging her to understand those words. The emotional wall that had protected her

for so long was thick and molded, gunk stuck beneath Sara's fingernails as she tried to claw it down.

But Tegan was no less lost.

"I… I'm sorry, I still don't understand." Tegan whispered. Sara's eyes dimmed with disappointment.

"I'm trying, Sara. Just like you. Keep going, it's okay."

"Something had changed in you recently." Sara avoided Tegan's eye, peering out at the glowing

moon of her their open curtains. Her voice was so resigned and miserable, but strong with

conviction to be honest. Tegan felt it stab in her chest, hurting for Sara's pain and her will to try. "My

world felt bright with hope. You were not calling me ridiculous friendly words, but instead holding

me from behind and I have mistaken simple gestures as … you seemed so…" She

shook her head at herself. "I suppose it is my fault, however. I assumed. I did not ask because I

feared speaking up, but I allowed myself to believe there was so much more in your touch and your

words. It felt so different than before. You had warmed so sweetly to me that I– I thought–" She

pressed a palm to her lips, swallowing the words. Tegan's eyes went wide, confusion so heavy in her

head. "I was so sure, Tegan Rain." She wept. "Today, I felt something was wrong. You were closed

off from me, but I never imagined you seeing another woman. My mind has been picking apart every

moment and I must ask, was it… my endearment that pushed you so far away? Did I push you too far

last night with my use of the word darling? I assumed it was allowed when you did not protest, but if

that was not the case, I apologize for letting myself get carried away. I did not mean to cause you to

feel uncomfortable."

Tegan blinked rapidly, marinating in those words in complete disarray. The word darling hadn't been

a figment of her imagination? But why would Sara call her that? "I'm… I'm so confused."

"Of course you are." Sara went bitter, her face pinched as she rose from the bed to lord over Tegan

with crossed arms. The room went cold at the twist in her lips and Tegan suddenly felt as small as an

ant. "You complete imbecile."

"Sara!" Bewildered at the abrupt change of emotion, Tegan struggled to get off the bed, her muscles

screeching and her thighs burning as the blanket caught her ankle. She stumbled onto the floor and

caught herself on the headboard. They were standing on the opposite sides of the bed; the distance

felt like miles. "What did I do? I'm sorry, I don't understand–"

"How much more obvious must I be, Tegan Rain?" If Sara were anyone else, she would be growling

through gritted teeth and shouting to her lungs capacity with hands balled into fists. But instead, her

eyes were lit in fire and her voice so soft, but the harsh implications were no less grueling. It made

Tegan realize that whatever was wrong had been building for a long time. This was not just about

Sara's frustration with herself. "How much more must I spell it out for you? How can you possibly

not understand? Are you really so blind that you do not see what is staring you in the face every day?

I had thought we had developed a silent understanding, but I was so humiliatingly wrong."

Tegan wished she understood. How long had she been missing whatever it was Sara was talking

about? How long had Sara felt this overwhelming frustration? Sara's calm temper was frightening in

their fight. "I'm… I really don't… Sara, please, I really don't know what you mean."

"I am all but crawling on my hands and knees, begging you to return even an inkling of my feelings

and it's sickening. I disgust myself. Never have I acted so piteous." Sara spat. Tegan's heart stopped.

What did… what did that mean? "Everyone allows my touch, but… no one desires me. Do you see,

Tegan Rain? No one desires my heart. But I thought you different. You listen. You enjoy my company.

With you, I saw a chance of something I had once thought I would never want or would ever have."

Tegan's mind was reeling. Her body was numb. She could hear her blood rushing through her ears,

pounding into her erratic heart.

"You fall in love with women at the drop of a hat. You claim to have loved women you've never even

shared a mere word with. So what makes me the exception?" Sara's voice caught. A tremble settled

in her last word as the anger that had made her bones rigid dissolved. Her shoulders dropped as a

shadowed passed over her face. Renewed tears swelled in her eyes as they dropped to the floor in

defeat. "What makes me so atrociously unlovable?" She whispered. "Because I am trying so hard to

be lovable."

"S-Sara… If I'm understanding you… If you feel–" She bit back the words, not wanting to presume.

Ten minutes ago, the more than friendly feelings Sara seemed to be admitting were an impossibility.

She could not get her hopes up. There was no way someone like Sara would want to be with her.

"Why did you agree to our… arrangement? Our… sexual… you know." She had to know. She was

putting herself out there, possibly asking a stupid question and misunderstanding Sara. She would

be completely mortified if her needy mind was picking up false senses of love, but she had to ask.

She braced herself for the worst.

Sara sucked in a long breath. She wiped her eyes as if they offended her, unable to look at Tegan as

the floor apparently became very interesting. Tegan looked to it too, staring at the fuzzy carpet in

fear of what she might hear. "In the beginning, I forged such an arrangement believing it would not

cause me such pain. It was a thank you, a way to show my appreciation for what you were offering

me… a home. But… it was also a pathetic, ill-planned attempt to receive what I wish from you. I

thought that if I were to give you what you wanted from me, I would possibly garner the response

of… what I so desire from you."

Tegan could see her heartbeat in her eyes as her muscles quivered. She was so nervous she couldn't

breathe, but this might not mean what she hoped. Sara was on a level unreachable to her. Sara

could have anyone, she couldn't want her. But jesus, she fucking hoped she did. She was thinking

too much, distracted by her thoughts. She had to shut her brain up and take a leap of faith with her

heart.

She looked up to face her fear, "What… what do you want from me, Sara?" Okay, so her voice did

not sound like a warrior facing the goriest battle. Instead it was shaking like a child flooding with

tears after skinning their knee on hot pavement, but to be fair that's kind of how she felt at this

moment: Fearful, the adrenaline of pain equal to the fear of becoming pained, and slightly excited.

Some immature part of her deep within wanted to run to her mum.

Sara sniffed. She looked to Tegan, her over-sized sweater drowning her and covering her hands. Her

hair was slightly messy, as if she had been running her hands through it all night, and her face

shining with tears and sweat that raised ruddy cheeks. She was signing herself up for rejection,

preparing herself for the worst. "It is hard…" She murmured, mostly to herself. "It is hard to admit

something I have never felt before. It is hard to relinquish it to someone who…"

Tegan tried to breathe, "Someone who… what?"

"Someone who was wooing another only moments ago." Sara whispered dejectedly. "But then, that

is also what has driven me to admission. The cycle of human emotions is so vastly mind-boggling."

"Sara?"

Sara held her breath and squared her shoulders. When she spoke, her voice was a sigh of relief that

was aware of, and accepting of the consequences. "I thought it would be glaringly obvious by now

that I desire your heart, Tegan Rain."

In her fantasies, hearing Sara admit feelings for her always ended in Tegan wrapping her waif body

up to squeeze and kiss. They laughed together, happy tears streaming down their faces as a sudden

beautiful sunset rose behind them. They would gasp their love into each others mouths and breathe

in their requited feelings with wide smiles. They would hold hands as they walked up a lush green

hill, their bodies shadowed by the sun before the credits of their life began to roll, only their

squealing laughter left before it fizzled into nothing but the words 'They lived happily ever after'.

Of course, she had seen a lifetime of romance films that gave her an unrealistic outlook on life. Life

did not fade at the climax of an argument. The spectrum of human emotion was all but ignored in

those movies she had been gushing over since she was a child, dabbing her eyes with tissue paper as

she cuddled on the couch with her mother. So when her response was not leaping across the bed to

pick Sara up with sudden inhuman strength to ride off into the sunset, but an audible gasp, she was

surprised with herself.

She had been on this side of things before, hearing the woman she loved admit feelings for her, but

it had never frozen her into a rock. She felt like she had soared into an oncoming train that had no

track. Her mind tried to tell her every reason not to believe these words, but her heart could not

listen as it slowly regained speed. It was only then that she realized it had stopped.

"I… I cannot fully express my repentance." Sara was hunched into herself, hugging her stomach as if

she were waiting for a physical blow. All the air that had sucked into Tegan's lungs seemed to render

Sara breathless as her chest went still. She dropped her chin to her chest, new tears flowing from

her eyes. "I have burdened you with my emotions. I have become a blubbering mess and made you

uncomfortable in my presence. I assure you I am capable of acting as if these emotions do not exist

in my heart so you will not have to see them. But I… I don't think I can continue to be intimate with

you." She swallowed, the noise loud even from across the bed. "It causes me too much pain. I have

never been so wrapped up in a person, and if you are venturing the avenues of dating, I simply

cannot allow myself to do this with you any longer. Ultimately, this is why I have stopped keeping

quiet tonight. I have to respect myself and this Chloe woman enough to stop-"

"Wait." Tegan's knees smacked into the bed as she rounded the corner. "Wait, you haven't heard

my side yet."

Sara faltered, her mouth open and her hands raised to speak. She went silent and brushed her bangs

to tuck them behind her ear. Stray strands stuck to her forehead as she bit her lip, brows furrowed

and jaw tight with thought.

"Sara… If I had known all of this, I never would have gone on that date tonight."

Sara's chuckle was humorless and thick with tears. "I would never ask you to cease a journey to find

happiness. You are far too accommodating of me." She wiped her eyes daintily with her sleeves.

"I know you wouldn't and if I didn't feel the same way about you, I wouldn't be saying this." Tegan

was not nervous to admit it now. Sara had done it first, rising the veil over Tegan's eyes. It was her

turn. She had to let Sara know she was not alone, her love was requited. She wasn't afraid now that

she knew Sara was with her in this. Her doubts of why Sara would feel this way about her were still

very much present, but that was another issue for another day.

Sara paused as she let that sink in, but much to Tegan's horror, she didn't smile. "Do not try to

appease my tears with lies, Tegan Rain." She said sharply.

"I'm not!" Tegan erased the space between them, her face earnest as she grabbed Sara's hands. Her

sweater was soft and damp under Tegan's hands as she gripped her fingers. "I'm not fucking around.

I'm not just trying to make you happy. I'm not saying that because I feel bad that you're crying. I'm

serious. I'm so fucking serious. That date was stupid and we decided to just be friends because… I

told her the truth. Which is, you know, that I'm in love with you too. You were right… to think so

these past few weeks because… I do. I love you too, Sara."

For a moment, Sara was expressionless. Tegan knew not to expect her to jump into her arms and cry

out in joy, but when Sara frowned very heavily, she was offended. Something protective rose in her

chest, ready to defend the sincerity of her confession, as the lines around Sara's mouth thickened

and intensified between her brows. "I… I never professed love for you, Tegan Rain."

Tegan's heart went cold. "W-what?" Her hands released Sara as if fire erupted on her palms. An

open door abruptly slammed into a giant stop sign. "But… but you said…"

Suddenly looking highly uncomfortable, Sara shifted her weight. She tugged the front of her sweater,

pulling it out as if it could act as a barrier between their hearts. "I admitted that I have feelings for

you, yes, but love… Tegan Rain, you know of my past." She muttered.

"Oh." Tegan dropped down on the edge of the bed. Her hands landed heavily in her lap as she

ignored the pain in her fiery muscles. Her tie suddenly felt too tight pressed against her windpipe.

"Okay."

Sara wasn't in love with her. Of course she wasn't. Sara and Emy were right – she was a foolish,

stupid fucking asshole. How could she have believed, if only for a glorious moment, that Sara could

love her? Suddenly all of her insecurities felt like a hard clump sitting in her gut; she wasn't well-read,

she stammered too much, she was only adequately attractive, she was a mommy's girl, her father

hadn't even loved her enough to stay in her life after the divorce, and most importantly she didn't

deserve Sara's love.

"Oh, Tegan Rain, I'm sorry." Sara bit her lip and sat carefully beside Tegan. Her hand was cold on her

knee, penetrating her tight jeans. "That came out with unintended implications of something harsh

and careless. I merely… am trying to be honest."

"That's fine." Tegan mumbled mostly beneath her breath. She loosened her tie and stared at the

stretch of her jeans over her knees. Sara was supposed to be different; easy. But now it sounded as if

everything was just as it had always been, Tegan had been too quick to give her heart to someone

who couldn't give her their own. "I get it."

"I just…" Sara was peering at Tegan's profile, but she refused to connect their eyes. "I just feel a

suspicion of love and I cannot feel it so abruptly after spending my life believing it nonexistent.

You've seen the family I come from. You can understand, can't you?"

"Yeah." Tegan said shortly.

The small woman shifted, scraping over the sheets as she grew earnest. Her voice was up an octave

in desperation, "But I… I made it sound as if I am displeased with your show of feelings, but I am not.

I am happy to hear it, Tegan Rain." Sara's fingers timidly cradled one of Tegan's hands, but she still

did not look up. "I am thrilled to hear you return my feelings."

"But that's not true because I feel more." Tegan turned her head, her eyes brimming with tears as

she sucked her piercing between her quivering lips. She swallowed hard and cursed, "I always feel

more."

"Please… please do not cry." Sara lifted her free hand to Tegan's cheek in a familiar show affection,

but Tegan jumped from her touch and stood quickly to her feet. Sara's eyes widened a fraction, fear

etched into the lines around her squinting. "Teg-"

"I think, um, I think I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight." Tegan tousled the hair on the back of

her head and took a step to the door.

"No, please." Sara rushed to her own feet, shoulder tight as if she wanted to bolt to Tegan and wrap

her in security, but too afraid to act on it. She held her palms together, her fingers popping out of

the material to nervously wring. She looked meek. "Please do not. We have much to discuss. I have

made you think my feelings are not strong, but that is so completely not the case. I feel something

for you, Tegan Rain, and what I feel has well surpassed any microscopic emotion I ever reveled in

with any other woman, Penelope very much included. I've never felt this way before. It's rather

terrifying, but I am willing to accept it because it's for you. You are so important to me. If there was

one person I thought I could potentially love, it would be you."

Those words should cause her elation. They should make her heart swell and float, but her

embarrassment and disappointment were too strong; overriding. Because, god, she had given up her

heart and Sara wasn't even promising that she could even attempt to do the same. Gone was the

heavy weight of unrequited feelings (though it was still there, loitering less boldly yet still dim in her

mind), and back was the iron fist of deeply brewing insecurities.

"I get it. I just. I need to think." She grabbed the doorknob, watching Sara's brows draw low on her

forehead and her lips part. "Night."

For the second time that day, Tegan left Sara staring helplessly at a closed door.


	28. The Importance of Communication

Check link in BIO Guys!

The early morning breeze was cool against Tegan's over-heated skin, the sky a soft fusing of pink and

purple. She was warm with the emotions evoked from her endless cycle of thoughts during her

unfulfilling night's sleep, uncomfortable in her now wrinkled clothes. The couch proved to be too

lumpy and sufficiently uncomfortable compared to the soft warmth she usually shared with Sara.

Her muscles had been sore last night, but now they were stiff and protesting against her steps as she

leaned against the apartment complex.

She shielded her puffy eyes behind sunglasses and wiped her endlessly runny nose with the back of

her hand as the other lifted her phone to her ear. She played with her loose tie and watched as a

jogger rushed by in heavy sweats despite the heat, his headphones keeping him in the zone and his

top stained with sweat. The ringing of the other line trilled in her ear as she sniffled.

The fourth ring cut off abruptly, the sound of rustling echoing through her eardrum before a sleep

graveled voice answered, "Tegan, it's very early."

"I'm sorry, mum." Tegan sounded as stuffy as her clogged nose felt, her apology coming out raspy. "I

just need to talk to you."

"Teetee, what's wrong?" Her mother shifted from sleepy to alert and motherly in seconds. The use

of her childhood nickname built fresh tears in Tegan's eyes as she heard her mother's bed squeak to

movement. "You sound like you've been crying. What happened?"

"Yesterday was so shitty, mum." Tegan's voice cracked as she blinked past the haze of tears. In the

background she could hear her mother's boyfriend asking if everything was alright before a door was

muffling any noise.

"What happened?" Her mother asked gently.

"I did a stupid thing." Tegan's sniffle was wet and loud. She rested the back of her head against the

wall and peered up at the sky. The sun was peeking through thin clouds, preparing to glower over

the citizens starting their day. "I thought I could fix this whole thing with Sara, you know? It was… it

was too much. It hurt so much to… to think I was just a friend with a body to… to give her when she

needed." She heard her mother sigh softly into the receiver, rustling into her ear. "So I went on this

date with this girl Chloe. I wasn't even interested in her at all and I'm so disappointed in myself. I'm

disappointed that I can do that to someone. She was super understanding and we're friends now,

but… I hurt Sara's feelings. A lot." Her mother remained silent, waiting for the rest. Tegan ran a hand

through her greasy hair and swallowed thickly. "I guess I was trying to make her jealous. I was… I just

wanted her to feel something. Like, I can pretend like what we have is enough most of the time, but I

just want her to… to love me." Her voice shook as her chin quivered. She bit her bottom lip harshly

in warning to contain herself. "She was crying and talking about how no one ever wants her and

how– how she wants my heart. I thought that meant she felt this too. I was so happy. I thought she

was telling me she was in love with me too, but… she wasn't. She doesn't love me, mum."

"Oh, sweetheart." Sonia crooned so sympathetically that it tugged at Tegan's broken heart. She felt

her tears slide down the wide frames of her sunglasses, exposing her misery to the light of day.

"I'm in love with her and she has a crush on me." Tegan's whisper was dejected. She looked down at

her feet, rolling a pebble beneath the toe of her shoe. "No one ever loves me like I love them. I

thought Sara would be different, like… easy. For just a second, I didn't think I'd have to work for her.

I thought that I… I already had her."

"You're so full of love, Tegan, but not… everyone has that. You said she comes from an atmosphere

where love doesn't exist, didn't you? It can't be easy for her to understand her feelings or accept

them. You allow yourself to feel so much, but from what I've heard, Sara is the exact opposite of

that." Her mother's voice was soft, gently logical. "Maybe you just need to give her time."

Tegan sniffed, her stuffy nose picking up hints of a breakfast of yellow eggs and sizzling bacon in the

distance. "It's just hard. Why can't she love me now?" She paused when she heard the whiny pitch

of her voice, like a child denied a toy in the store. Her stomping foot smashed the pebble into a

million little crumbs. "She wants me to love her and when I tell her I do, she gets all weird and tells

me she doesn't love me. Just… like, what the fuck? What does she fucking want from me then?"

"Maybe she doesn't even know, Tee." Tegan rolled her eyes so hard she felt a stab in her brain.

"If she doesn't know what she wants from me then why is she even bringing me into it? That's not

fair!"

"It can't be easy to come from a family where your own mother refuses to tell you she loves you.

Just because you have taken her out of the home doesn't mean the problems aren't still there."

"I'm trying to help!" Tegan protested, offended. What did her mother think she had been pouring all

of her effort into these past few months? "I'm trying to help fix her-–"

"Tegan, you can't fix her." The words were firm, echoing in her brain. "That's not your job and it's

not possible. She has emotional scars that can't be fixed by love or another person. She has to figure

that out herself with bumps along the way and fears that she can't control. If you tell her that she's

wrong and that you're trying to 'fix' her, it could only make matters worse." Sonia explained

compassionately.

"I'm… I'm not saying she's wrong. I just want to help." Tegan's voice was small from being berated.

Suddenly she was the sweaty child who had been begging too loudly for ice cream after hours of

playing under the sun, buzzed hair sticking to her forehead in damp clumps while her mother looked

down at her with a disapproving glower.

"I know you do and I'm sure Sara understands to some extent. But you can't fix her, Tegan. She

needs to fight this all on her own, and the best you can do for her is to sit there and hug her when

things go bad and hug when good things happen. Just be there for her and let her figure this all out

for herself." Her mother said. "Don't make her think that the way she acts is wrong, though. That

won't do her any better than what her mother was doing."

"Fuck, I hate it when you get all Social Worker on me." Tegan's bottom lip was jutted out in a pout as

her mother laughed. "You're right, I guess. I don't want her to feel bad, but I guess I can back off a

little and let her do things by herself."

"You don't have to leave her lonely. Just be there for her. That's the best thing you can do for her."

Sonia paused as the receiver hissed as she moved the phone. "I don't know what's going on in her

head, so I can't speak for her, but she sounds scared. Has anyone ever loved her?"

Tegan chewed on her piercing thoughtfully. Love was not something Sara had dabbled even in the

vicinity with Penelope, and she was fairly sure she would have told her about any straight girl falling

for her. "No. I mean, she has her butler Martin. He loves her, but… no one has ever been in love with

her."

"Hmm. I can only imagine how terrifying that must be for her now that someone she has feelings for

has admitted they love her." Sonia mused.

"I didn't think about that." Tegan frowned at that logic.

"To realize she has a chance at happiness that she might not have ever had, but also the chance of

heartbreak she's never had, must be a very scary thing for someone who has come from a terrible

home life." Sonia continued with a sad tsk of her tongue. "I want to hug this girl and I've never met

her."

"Shit, I didn't think about that." Tegan groaned, tipping her head back. The sun was bright in front of

her shades, rising above the horizon of the tall buildings in the distance. Sara's words from last night

ran through her head with new meaning, declarations of trepidation but hesitant acceptance. "She

kind of said something along those lines last night, but I was too upset to listen. I was just…

embarrassed for jumping to conclusions and hurt, you know?"

"I know, Tee. Sara's a human with insecurities and feelings, but you have to remember that you are

too." Sonia pointed out carefully. Tegan hated her mother's ability to search deep into her

insecurities and find the brightest one.

"I don't like her knowing that. I don't– I've been the strong one, you know? I've helped her along the

way and made it seem like I have all my shit together. I don't want her to lose that in me by… by

seeing that I'm a little emotional baby who can't handle things when they get painful." Tegan

sniffled and wiped her nose with the bone of her wrist. "I've sort of been, like, her rock and I don't

want to not be that."

"Tegan, if she were to think less of you for showing that you don't always have it together, she

wouldn't be worth it anyway. If you open up to her and let her see your own insecurities, maybe it

will help both of you. Maybe she could be your emotional rock. That's what partnership is,

sweetheart. You accept each other at your worst and celebrate your highs. You don't leave because

they allowed themselves to be vulnerable for a second. And if Sara is as amazing as she sounds, she

won't run away because she saw that you're not an inhuman robot with zero feelings."

Tegan dried her tears on the back of her hand. "I'm scared, mum." It was okay if her mother knew.

But only her mother. She probably already knew anyway.

"I know." Sonia responded matter-of-factly. Tegan nodded to herself; of course. "I know, and we

both know that's normal. It's okay to be scared. Wouldn't you rather be scared than give up?"

"Yes, but… it hurts. I keep hearing her in my head. 'I never professed love for you, Tegan Rain',"

Tegan mocked Sara's voice sadly. Those words were a thick, deep root with the sharp spikes of

thorns. They latched onto Tegan's heart, coiling invasively inside her soft flesh to poke dangerously

at her pumping organ. "It won't stop. It kept me up all night. It fucking hurts so fucking bad."

"It sounds like you and Sara need to have a long chat. Be honest with each other and figure

something's out to see if you could work on your issues to be together." Her mother soothed calmly.

"Okay." Tegan nodded. Her emotions were calming with her mother's logical voice spilling into her

ear. "You're right. We just need to talk."

"Yes, you do and I hope everything goes well for you, Tee. I really, really do. But," Tegan cringed. A

tone she had heard many times in her life was like acid on her mother's tongue. She had heard it

when her mother had caught her smoking in the basement at fifteen, broken her grandmother's

vase while running in the house with her cousins when she was eight, and threatened to drop out of

school her first semester of college due to stress. She knew what was coming next. "In the meantime

if I hear about you using a poor girl you have no feelings for ever again, I will personally kick your ass

back into gear, Tegan Rain. Do you hear me?"

She hung her head in shame. Her mother and Emy were the only people in the world who could

make her feel so shitty for things she already knew were wrong. "I promise I'll never do it again. It

was stupid."

"Yes, it was." Her mother agreed without leniency, causing Tegan to pout. A beat of silence filled the

receiver before she sighed and adapted a soft tone once more, "I hope everything goes well with

you and Sara. I really would like to meet her soon."

"I was planning to go after class tomorrow when Sara gets off from work, but now I don't know if

that's a good idea." Tegan rubbed the back of her neck. "I guess we'll see after this whole

conversation thing."

"Keep me updated." The support her mother supplied warmed Tegan's chest, gently soothing the

hurt and broken porcelain of her heart. "And remember to be patient! Don't jump to conclusions

and run away. Remember to listen, but don't let her hurt you. I hate hearing you sound so sad."

Tegan's lips tugged, "Thanks, mum. I should go talk to Sara now."

"Good luck, Teetee. I love you." The words were whispered sweetly, and Tegan could imagine her

mother's beaming smile against the receiver.

Tegan grinned and wiped her cheeks, "Love you too, mum."

A cinnamon roll was warm from freshly popping out of the oven, the sugary glaze melting the

swirled top and dripping into sticky puddles against the blue plate. Two forks were balanced on

either side of the soft and sweetened bread, clinking cautiously as the bedroom door creaked open.

Tegan peeked her head in before slowly stepping inside, feeling stupid for being nervous to enter

her own goddamn room. But somewhere along the road, it had morphed from hers to theirs and

now she was facing the fear of the 'we' they had created becoming, once again, a sad 'me.'

The room was lit up by the open curtains, illuminating it with the day. Sara was seated on her side of

the bed, as if she hadn't slept alone. Her head was bowed as she peered down at her wringing hands,

the sheets neatly folded over her legs. She was still wearing that huge sweater, but it was now

slightly wrinkled and pulled out of shape from restless movements.

"Um… Morning." Tegan murmured from the doorway.

Sara looked up at the sound of her voice and Tegan almost winced at the sight of her. It was the first

time she looked like an everyday person who had just awoken, dark bags settled beneath tired eyes

and hair slightly out of place. It was a testament to how much their argument had affected her, but

Tegan was mildly relieved to see she wasn't alone in her sleepless night. "Good morning, Tegan Rain."

she replied softly, looking back to her hands.

"I, um," Tegan stepped inside of the room. She faltered, her hand hovering uncertainly in the air

before the door shut behind her. "I made a cinnamon roll… I thought maybe… I dunno, we could

share it?" She offered the idea like it was stupid because that was exactly how she felt: dumb.

Sara's solemn eyes glanced through long lashes at the thick bread settled on the plate in Tegan's

hands. "Share it?" she asked quietly. Her voice cracked with disuse. It was a sad reminder of the

fevered, desperate pitch she had reached last night.

Tegan sucked her piercing into her mouth. The floorboard squeaked beneath her socked feet as she

padded nervously to the bed, where she loitered with a furrowed brow. "Yeah… unless, like, you

want it. That's cool too."

"No… no, we may share."

Tegan nodded silently. The atmosphere was tense – tense, not awkward. The things they had said

last night were swimming in the air, filling their ears with hurt feelings and wet sniffles. Tegan's love

admission was thick beside Sara's misery over the date with Chloe, heating both their cheeks as they

avoided each others eyes.

"Um," Tegan chewed on the metal ball beneath her lip. She looped around it with her tongue,

stalling for time. She had no idea how to breach this conversation, or if Sara would accept it. She set

the plate on the bedside table with a tiny clatter and slowly sat before Sara on the bed. The mattress

groaned as she carefully avoided touching Sara in anyway, their knees distancing and hands out of

reach. "I… I think we should talk."

Sara glanced up at her, fingers endlessly rubbing her thumbs and twirling. The unease was coming

off of her like waves and drowning Tegan just as unforgivingly.

"Er, I mean…" Tegan shifted. "If you… want to, that is."

"I want to." Sara said to her hands. They were moving like stone and so fucking pale – Tegan had

seen them a thousand times, but she was so aware of the lack of pigment now, her mind trying to

escape. "It is as I said last night… we have much to discuss."

"Right." Tegan flushed at the immaturity of stomping off in a fit of hurt. "And I… I think we should be

honest with each other, you know? I feel like maybe we haven't been totally truthful with each other

and there's a lot hidden and I want to, like, kind of clear the air. I want us to understand where we're

coming from and… yeah." She ended awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck with a crooked, timid

smile.

"I would like that very much." Sara responded with her own very shy curl of lips, but it did wonders

for Tegan's confidence. It eased some of the tension in her shoulders, pressing a bit of relief into her

chest.

"Okay, so…" Tegan scraped her teeth over her piercing. Sara watched her under an unwavering,

disconcerting stare as she pulled her knees up to her chest. The blanket fell from her legs, exposing

them in all of their glory and leaving little to Tegan's already knowledgeable imagination with her

rare tight, black boxers. Her sweater was pooling against her thighs as she hugged her knees, the

muscles in her calves tightening. It was a good sign, Tegan decided, that Sara could be comfortable

enough around her still to wear all but nothing while having a deep conversation about their feelings.

It seemed important, sticking out to her like a red shirt amongst black tops. Maybe she wasn't

completely traumatized by the explosive L-bomb crashing through her timid comfort zone.

Tegan blinked moisture into her eyes and looked away. "This feels kind of intimidating." She laughed

nervously. Where did she start? There was so much to say; so much uncomfortably honest things to

say.

Sara's eyelids were strained with nerves and her bottom lip tucked between her teeth; she nodded

hesitantly in agreement. The tightening of her hands on her knees did not go unnoticed by Tegan.

She thought about reaching out to lace their fingers, but she was unsure if that was allowed at this

point. "I am willing to listen maturely to anything you divulge and will try my best to be just as

exposed. I want nothing more than for us to be honest and understanding of our individual feelings."

Her lisp was so thick, her voice quiet and nervous.

Tegan looked down to her lap with a nod. She pulled her legs onto the bed and shuffled until her

bum was resting on her tight muscles. Perhaps, subconsciously, she was trying to gain some height

on Sara to feel less intimidated. "I'm sorry I walked out last night. I was… My feelings were all over

the place and I wouldn't have been able to have a proper conversation."

"I understand. It did give me anxiety, I admit, but I understood." Sara paused. Her fingers locked

together against her knees, tight and bone white. "I… I knew of the pain I had caused you and I

understood why you would want to be far away from me."

"I caused you pain first." Tegan pointed out. Her lips twisted in guilt. "I did first and you were willing

to stay."

"To be fair, Tegan Rain, I am not sure how to walk away from a situation. I have never been allowed

to leave."

Tegan sighed. That didn't make her feel any better. It just gave her another reason to hate Sara's

mother with a burning passion. That woman seriously made her reconsider her moral aversion to a

physical fight. "And I've been allowed too much to run off and sulk." She countered her own truth.

Sara looked down at her bare knees. Here they were again, on opposite sides of the track, one

polished and the other covered in muck. Were they crazy to think this could ever work, to even want

this?

Tegan sighed again, the air escaping her lungs noisily. Her fingers curled around the short hair on the

back of her head, tousling the strands that were thick with yesterday's restless tossing and turning

on the couch. She glanced down at her lap, wondering how red her inner thighs were from the rough

material before her eyes found the cinnamon roll, waiting to be consumed.

The bed was soft between her fingers as she balanced herself on one hand and dug her knees into

the bed. She reached past Sara's shoulder, breaching her personal space, and their eyes connected

with heavy thoughts. Tegan's free hand grabbed the plate and slowly sat back down. She took a hold

of one fork, tearing through the gooey bread to settle a healthy portion between the metal ends.

"Here." She offered the fork to Sara.

Sara's hands hesitated, flinching against her skin. She looked to Tegan, eyes holding questions Tegan

didn't have the answers to, before looking down at the bread that threatened to drip onto the

sheets.

Carefully, Sara extended her neck and slowly parted her lips, her tongue poking out to wet them.

Tegan blinked in surprise as she moved closer to help aid Sara in her pursuit. She felt Sara's teeth

scrape over the fork through gentle vibrations, their eyes locked as the other woman moved back

into her sitting position, shyly holding her legs as she chewed almost imperceptively.

Well… that was definitely a good sign.

Tegan dipped the fork back to the roll and took her own big bite, smacking her teeth loudly as it

melted on her tongue. She swallowed after a few moments, watching Sara's tongue poke out to the

corner of her lips, catching traces of cinnamon sugar.

"I didn't mean to make you cry." She said after a few moments. Sara blinked as if she had forgotten

that had happened. Or, she had been trying to. "That's the last thing I ever want. I never meant for it

to happen. I didn't… I didn't think you…" Tegan trailed off, motioning with the fork as if it could say

what she wanted.

But Sara nodded with understanding as if the wave of metal formed invisible words in the air. "I

know you were not trying to cause me pain. You are not cruel-hearted."

"I really wasn't." Tegan agreed earnestly. "I never even thought that would happen, like, ever."

"I was surprised myself." Sara noted softly. She looked down at her knees again, as if they could hide

her if she pulled them just an inch closer to her chest; a turtle's shell. Tegan could only imagine how

hard this was for Sara, admitting she had let herself fall from perfection. "I had forgotten what… that

felt like. I did not even recognize the signs of tears until they began to fall."

Tegan looked away in shame. She wanted Sara to be able to feel freely, but to make her cry was

abhorrent. She swallowed hard, her fist tight around the fork. "I'm sorry." It wasn't enough, but it

was all she had.

"I made you cry as well and for that, I am so deeply apologetic." Sara whispered. Tegan looked back

to her, but Sara's eyes had dropped. Her apology was etched in the declining line of her neck,

weighing her down. "I… could have said what I did with much more care to… ease the blow. But I

must let you know… I have a desperate need for you to understand that my feelings… they are so…

so strong. Tegan Rain, I…" She paused. Her bottom lip was puffy as she sucked it into her mouth and

released it with a soft snap. "I do not cry, and though I was already aware that the feelings I hold for

you were scarily powerful, my pathetic act of emotion last night solidified it all so much for me. I

never fathomed I could cry over someone, if at all. I never knew I could care so much about another

human. I care more about you now than I ever dared. You bring out something in me that exceeds…

anything." Sara's throat jumped, her tendons straining. Her cheeks pinkened all the way to the tips

of her ears, exposed from her tucked fringe. "Mother's constant emotional abuse never caused me

tears, Penelope's departure only caused me momentary sadness, father's lack of care never made

me bat an eye… but the moment you seemed to disappear between my fingers, I was wrapped in

utter devastation. I felt as if I was in physical pain, imagining you smiling and sharing jokes with that

beautiful, tall woman."

Tegan blinked rapidly as her eyes began to sting. Conflicting, mixed emotions were thick and

clumped in her stomach. The bright colors were leaking into harsh, dark mud.

"That means something colossal, Tegan Rain." Sara whispered, her voice cracking. "That means

something terrifying. You have brought out more emotion in me in three months than anyone else

has in my entire life. And though last night hurt… terribly, it only makes me feel even stronger for

you because you…" She froze, her truth stalling. She was doing so well, but Tegan understood that

she had to be patient. She twirled the fork in a sweaty palm and did as her mother advised, and sat

with Sara as she fought her own battle. Her chest was pausing and her throat lifting to swallows, but

when she spoke up again her voice was strong. "You make me feel like I can potentially be a normal,

functioning human being. I have gone… feeling cold and empty for so long, but I am starting to feel

the warmth of being the person mother never allowed me to be the longer I am with you. And

though it is often intimidating and nerve-racking, I… with much fretting, enjoy it. I crave more and I

am willing to face the terror of releasing control and power… and whatever else, for the

incomparable happiness you bring me."

The world was a blur behind Tegan's tears. She dropped her eyes to her lap, seeing nothing but the

pink of her skin against the blue bedding. She blinked, allowing the floodgates to open. Two tears

descended down her cheek as she sniffled. Sara made a soft sound of alarm, but Tegan chuckled

thickly and shook her head. "These are mostly happy tears," She promised, wiping her wet cheek

with the back of her hand. "Maybe one day you can be as big of a cry baby as me." She joked.

Sara giggled softly, the sound caught under a bitten lip, muffled and nervous. It gave Tegan relief as

she took in a deep breath.

"So you're not going to… to run away? You're not… put off by what I said? You're… here to stay?"

Her questions were quick and scared. One side of Sara's lips curled.

"I have no intention to leave either physically or emotionally." Sara promised. Tegan brushed away

fresh tears and tried to breathe. That had to mean something. "It's interesting… I'm – I'm curious-

No one… no one had ever said to me what you did last night." The statement was poised as a

stumbled but simple observation, but Sara was ducking her head shyly. Tegan heard the abashed

plead in her voice, and swallowed the lump in her throat.

A car honked below them by the hand of an angry driver on the way to work. Tegan caught her

piercing between her teeth and Sara studied her fingers as if they were new to her body and vastly

interesting. With halting movements, Tegan rested the plate on the bed a few feet away from her

legs. Her now free hand hovered above Sara's clasped palms before resting hotly against cold skin.

Sara met her eyes, hidden behind a fallen, curling fringe.

Tegan sucked a large gulp of air. Sara wanted to hear it and Tegan wanted her to hear it. Her heart

was in her throat, prepared to spill over and coat her tongue. She whispered, "I love you, Sara. I

really, really fucking do."

A blush bloomed over Sara's cheeks, standing out so vibrantly against her sheet white skin. She

swallowed, and Tegan could hear it travel down her throat as she moved her hand over so their

palms could meet. Her fingers curled between the spaces in Tegan's, soft and meaningful. For one

destructive second, Tegan thought Sara was going to take back everything she said and admit she

loved her too.

"My own mother did not hold love for me in her heart… the woman who carried me in her womb

and gave me life." Sara chewed on her lip, eyes trained on their linked fingers. Tegan willed herself

not to be disappointed; Sara was confining in her, now was not the time to wallow in self-pity. "I

have never heard someone say those words in that formation, with my name and directed at me. I

never dreamt of the possibility. I have heard proclamations of love on the television and I have read

such things in books, but never in person have I heard it said with such truth. Love… is foreign. It was

not spoken of in my home. It was like a fairytale… like Father Christmas, who also did not exist even

in my youngest of ages. But when you say it, I believe you?" She ended with a lilt of a question, lost

in her thoughts of the 'mind-boggling cycle of human emotion.' Like she was a scientist conducting

an experiment, skeptical and surprised by the results.

"Good." Tegan said quietly. She tightened her fingers. She would never grow accustomed to the way

her heart broke for Sara with every new bit of information divulged about her childhood. If she could

make Sara feel loved – if she could wrap her in the comfort of what she had never known with her

sincere words and actions – she would with pride. She would try to lavish Sara in what she had been

denied all of her life and maybe one day, Sara would believe she deserved it. "Good because it's the

truth."

"But… how?" Sara looked to her, with such genuine confusion that it broke Tegan's heat. Her brow

was furrowed, her mouth tugged into a puzzled frown. "We have only known each other for three

months–"

"That's all the time I needed." Tegan declared assuredly. It was littered in sadness. It hadn't been

enough time for Sara. She understood, but that did not mean it doesn't hurt. "It feels way longer

than that to me. I can't… uh, I can't really remember what it's like to not have you in my life and if I

had to remember, like… that would fucking suck." She mumbled sheepishly.

Sara blinked, the crinkle in her forehead deepening dubiously. Her eyes were wide, like a deer

caught in the headlights. Tegan was sure she looked just as lost. It was as if they were speaking in

different languages, grasping only small words while the rest was jumbled and lost in foreign dialect.

Why don't you love me? I want you to love me. The words would never be spoken out loud. She

would never force Sara to answer those questions. She knew part of the answer; she understood

Sara's garbled language better than Sara knew hers. Sara could not control the shit she had been

dealt with as a child that corrupted her adult life. Tegan wished she could snap her fingers to erase

the past that left scars and confusion in her heart. But it wasn't that easy, she knew.

"Where do we go from here?" Tegan asked the question that was weighing on her mind. She ran her

free fingers through her fringe, pushing it from her heated forehead. Sara's fingers twitched against

her hand as if she wanted to do so herself. "Like… do we just keep doing what we were doing? Or…

do we stop everything and try to just be friends? I mean, that sounds like it sucks, but… I could if you

wanted that. But we could– could we try this out and see if we work together? Do we act like none

of this happened and like we've never had sex? What do we… what should we do?"

Sara sucked on her lip. She placed her other hand on top of Tegan's hand, caging it between her

frigid fingers. They were light as they stroked Tegan's skin, her eyes focused on the back and forth of

her caress. She looked like she may never speak up, her eyes slit into tiny lines.

Fuck, Tegan panicked. Had she overstepped in assuming they would do anything at all? Maybe Sara

didn't want them to even speak up about change or advancements in their relationship. Was Tegan

meant to just keep quiet and see what happened between them? She couldn't. She couldn't do that.

She had to know; she couldn't just sit back and see what happened the way she had been. It was

driving her fucking insane to be quiet. But then, at the same time – she didn't want to push Sara

away with her need to have a stable understanding of what they both wanted.

God, this teeter-totter of letting out her feelings while walking on eggshells around Sara's was

exhausting. She could rarely seem to balance them equally before placing too much weight to one

side and causing the other to tumble. One was always suspended in their air, nervous and awaiting

the crash to the ground. The bottom of someone's stomach was always in fear of falling out. Yet she

was crazy enough to actually like the headache it brought on. Sara had her wrapped around her little

finger and she didn't even know it.

"What do you desire?" A soft voice broke her thoughts.

Fear gripped Tegan's windpipe, as if forcing her to keep quiet. This was the moment of truth. After

being honest about her feelings about where she wanted to take things, there was no turning back.

Sara knew she loved her and now she was going to know just exactly what she wanted to do about it.

"I mean, I… I want to try us." She confessed. "You know? I want to try."

Sara's head cocked to the side. She was studying Tegan the same way she read books, her brow

lightly furrowed and her eyes calculating as the plot thickened. It made Tegan feel somewhat

interesting, as if she herself was a hefty book that moved slowly through new adventures instead of

the open, thin book of spilling emotions shouted from the first line she knew she would be. "'Try us',"

She repeated faintly. "What does that entail exactly?"

It wasn't necessarily shocking that she didn't understand completely, but it really emphasized how

much experience she lacked. Did Tegan really have the patience to date a woman who didn't think

she could ever love and did not even understand the language that children in grade school knew

and dabbled in with the classmates they thought were the cutest?

Yes, she decided without falter. She definitely had the patience if it was for Sara. Maybe she

wouldn't be willing for anyone else, but no one else really mattered anymore. But she would not be

a teacher. She would be Sara's classmate, sitting with her as they learned together. They would

figure out how they worked and clashed together. That was, if Sara wanted.

"I don't want to throw this away without, you know, at least seeing if we could be good for each

other." Tegan clarified. Her nerves were tickling her chest as she thought of ways to be subtle

enough for Sara's fears, but clear enough to be understood in her desires. "We've basically been

together for a month and a half, but… I want… it to be official. I want, um, I want you to be my

girlfriend. You know? Like, for us to date and be… like, a couple. But I'd understand if… you didn't

want to be." Her teeth caught the silver ball beneath her lip as she sighed and shrugged. Her head

shook back and forth wordlessly. Talking about her feeling had never been so daunting. If Sara

denied her, it would take fucking ages to get over her. Especially since she was sleeping in her bed.

"What do– I mean, how do you want to… do this? What do you want from this, Sara?"

Sara's eyes were evasive, her jaw tight with anxiety. Her face was turning pink again, something

Tegan was beginning to understand happened when she was overwhelmed. Should she should back

off and retract her question? Maybe they had gone too far. They could change the subject and come

back to this later, when she was feeling less… bombarded – was that how Tegan was making her feel?

She wasn't meaning to. She just wanted to know where they stood.

Sara's gaze was suddenly settled on hers, ceasing her neurotic worry. Her heart leapt into her throat

at the sight of dark eyes, full of things Tegan worried would destroy them. "I… worry."

It wasn't a flat out denial of a relationship, so Tegan nodded her on in encouragement. "About– uh,

about what?"

"I have so little experience in the art of relationships." Sara said, as if she could read Tegan's earlier

concerns. "Yet you have an abundance of past endeavors and… I worry I will not reach the standards

that other, more experienced women have set." She paused and Tegan took this time to be mildly

offended. It wasn't like she got around that much. There weren't many women in the past. She

wasn't some sort of weird trollop who dated anyone with boobs and a nice smile. "I have only the

knowledge that books relay on how to be with another person, but I know it does not work the way

seven hundred pages summarize. I worry… I will not be an adequate partner. I worry I will not go

about the usual system of a relationship the way one normally would to create something healthy

and… and happy."

Tegan forgot all about her stupid offense at that near promise of possibly being together. Her voice

was rushed as she quelled Sara's worry. "There… Sara, this is no standard for you to, like… reach. I

don't have a list of bars you have to get to or, like, requirements you need to have. Those girls… the

one's from the past… they have nothing to do with us. They have nothing to do with you. Anything

that happened between me and anyone before… that doesn't matter anymore. You're what's

important now and I'm not sitting around hoping you'll, like, nag me like Jenn did or suck the life out

of me like Theresa did." She chuckled as Sara's brows quirked. "What I mean is, I'm looking forward

to you. The past is irrelevant. And I know things could get rough and hurt at times, but… I mean, at

this point where we are right now, I'm willing to try despite anything." She paused to look down at

their hands. "If you want to, I mean. If you're willing… I am too."

Sara's fingers were restless, skimming Tegan's knuckles and tickling the skin of her palm. Her brows

were knitted so tightly as she worried her bottom lip in deep thought. "I feel like a child." She

murmured, flushed as Tegan frowned. "I am ashamed of my inexperience. I've never felt

embarrassed about my purely sexual past, but today I feel that. For lack of a more articulate word, I

feel like a... loser."

"You don't need to be ashamed or, like, embarrassed or any of that. It's totally not a big deal at all."

Tegan said because it really wasn't. "We can work through that and… make you super experienced."

She offered the idea with a goofy grin, desperate to ease the look of humiliation in Sara's eyes.

When Sara gave a faint smile, Tegan waggled her brows. She never was good at keeping a situation

serious for too long. She longer to break the tug of frowns into large smiles, and humor was the only

thing that she had. Jenn used to hate it, but as Sara gave a soft giggle, Tegan reminded herself to

stop comparing her to other girls. That's exactly what Sara was worried about and it wasn't getting

either of them anywhere.

As her giggles faded, Tegan could see the brew of thoughts invade her mind all over again. Her tiny

smile slipped away and was caught between two gnawing teeth. Tegan was sad to see it go.

"The topic of love was also something I sit in worry with, Tegan Rain."

Oh. Tegan looked away, her own smile vanishing.

"I know that I hurt you quite badly last night, so I wonder… what you are thinking now." Sara

continued anxiously. Her lip would soon start bleeding if she kept attacking it so viciously. "If you do

not mind my asking."

"Yeah, no, that's fine... Uh." Tegan's instinct was to take her hand away; to distance herself and put

up a wall to shrug her response with the semblance of someone untouched by pain. She resisted the

temptation, remembering her mother's advice. She had to let herself be open and honest, accepting

the consequences of being a human. Sara had held her hand while being exposed, and if Sara could

do it, Tegan could too.

Her ears felt hot and her hand was growing sweaty between Sara's. She wondered if Sara thought it

was gross or if it was just another reminder of Tegan experiencing something normal while Sara

could not.

"Well, I mean," She cleared her throat as her eyes darted between Sara's eyes and the plate of their

food growing cold. They really should go wrap that up and save it for later, she thought before

shaking off her mind's attempts at distractions. "I won't lie, it… kind of hurts." Sara's lips turned

down and she rushed to continue, "I know. I know and I understand what's going on here, but it

does… suck a little. Mostly just because I wish I had held off instead of blurting it out and

embarrassing myself, but I also… I'm kind of glad you know how I feel. And I accept what you feel

because it… it might not be what I was hoping, but I'm totally fucking, like, ecstatic that you feel

anything. You know?"

Sara grew shy, her shoulders hunching together as she nibbled on her lip. She looked so sweet, her

lips ruby red and her cheeks like two supple cherries. Tegan wanted to kiss her. "I adore you with a

frightening intensity." She whispered. It was bashful, the words directed to the bed sheets instead of

Tegan.

It wasn't I love you or I promise one day to love you, but it made Tegan smile a closed-mouth, half

grin. That sentiment might just be as close to what she wanted to hear as they would ever get, but

Tegan could be mature and let her heart flutter to hear those words being directed at her – words

Sara had never felt for anyone else. It was raw and truthful in ways that the word love felt even if it

wasn't quite the same thing.

Silence grew between them, comfortable as they sat in their own thoughts. They played with each

others fingers, battling with their pointer digits as if they were sitting together at a restaurant with

no worries. Tegan wondered if Sara would let her take her out on a date. Maybe they could go

somewhere with cheesy dim lighting and hold hands across the table for everyone to see.

She stared unseeingly at the bed as she fantasized of what they would wear as they whispered; a

thin, tucked in button down for Sara and an over-sized t-shirt and vest for herself. Sara would order

a plate of some type of disgustingly healthy thing that Tegan would mock as she chomped

obnoxiously on crispy chicken fingers. Sara would turn her nose up at Tegan's lack of table manners

while they shared a chocolate dessert of thick frosting and moist cake before going home to a nice

house that was most definitely not occupied by Emy to have possibly rough, passionate sex that

ended in cuddling with Eskimo kisses.

Absently, she let her eyes drift to the bedside table. She wondered if Sara would be interested in the

toys living beneath smartly placed notebooks of stupid little lyrics she had come up with since

graduating high school. As soon as that came to mind, she banished it away. Her smidgen of

happiness was forcing her to dream up a life that she had no idea if Sara wanted, full of openness

and gentle smiles and love. She was getting carried away. Though, technically, they already had been

living like that together for many weeks. If they could just continue while being far more honest–

She silenced that train of thought as well. She had to be patient.

"I think…" Tegan looked up at the broken silence. Sara's back looked straight, tightened with

decision. Tegan steeled herself for a blow. Her fee hand tugged the bed between white knuckles,

squeezing the thin material as if it could save her from a tidal wave. "I think I would like to explore a

relationship with you."

The air was kicked out of Tegan's lung, rendering her breathless. "Y-you think?"

"I know." Sara amended. Tegan's dancing heart soared right into the sun as if it had grown wings.

Fuck being rational, she was fucking elated. "I know what I want with you, Tegan Rain. I have

known… for quite a while. You are the first person I have ever met whom I desire… so much more

than a physical touch or the kindness of friendship. I wish to see where we could possibly take this,

no matter the hurdles we will have to jump throughout time. You… My heart is a scary thing to give

up, but… I think… I think I am correct in believing you are worth it."

"We'll be so careful with each other." Tegan whispered. Her smile was large and uncontrollable, her

stomach in knots. Holy shit, this was really happening. "We can grow and figure us out through

time… We'll take things as slow as me and you can… with already living and sleeping together, but

we'll do things right this time. We need to make sure to be honest with each other from now on

because I want us to be healthy and… good. I want us to be so good for each other." She kind of felt

like a nervous boy in junior high glowing with excitement as his crush handed back his note with the

yes box check marked, but there was so much more stirring in her chest. The adult worry of

uncertainty, potential disastrous heartbreak, childhood scars, an unknown future… they were

storming in her blood. But she was willing to see through all the darkness to find the light if Sara was

by her side, trying just as hard.

"I want that very much," Sara agreed. Her own smile reached her eyes, so warm and nervous. "That

is, if you cease dating other women while we are exploring a relationship. I was… I was not fond of

seeing you with another woman."

"Of course." Tegan breathed. She shook her head a bit too violently, shaking her brain back and

forth in her skull. Her heart was pounding as if she had just gone on a long jog. "If I'm with you, Sara,

there is no one else. That whole thing with Chloe was stupid. I never meant to hurt you. At least… I

don't think I did. Not intentionally, anyway. When I met Chloe that day… I didn't even think I'd ever

see her again. I had no interest in her and I still don't. I hadn't talked to her and ignored her texts,

but then I got desperate the other night. I freaked out."

Sara pursed her lips thoughtfully. "What caused your panic?" She asked softly; apprehensive.

"I thought… It was getting too natural with you. I felt like we were together, but I knew, or at least, I

thought there was no chance you could ever be even slightly into me. It started to worry me that I

was, you know, getting too invested. I tried to distance myself and called Chloe on a dumb whim."

Tegan sighed and shook her head at herself. "It was stupid and careless, but I want you to

understand that if we're… girlfriends now, I won't be dating anyone else. It's just you and me. You

have me fully to yourself."

"Oh," Sara breathed. Her hand lifted from the back of Tegan's own to brush her fallen fringe from

her eyes and recited as if reading from a poem, "When we are together, we are together alone." And

then she laughed very softly. It was a wheeze of disbelief in her throat as she shook her head to

herself. Tegan could understand that look of surprise etched in her arched brows.

Tegan chuckled. The atmosphere was lighting and it felt like a ton of bricks being released from her

shoulders. She could breathe again. "Yeah, if you want to dumb it down, that's basically what I said."

She teased.

Sara laughed, the kind of genuine amusement that made her eyebrows heighten up her forehead

and crinkle at her nose. It was a forceful and unsteady breath of the excitement and fear of the

unknown, but her smile lit a sparkle in her eyes and Tegan couldn't help but laugh with her. It

slipped into something almost hysterical as tears of mirth saw in their eyes, their hands clutching as

the muscles in their stomachs began to burn. The relief of getting everything off their chests was

released in shared, rough and sweet chuckles. And maybe the hurt of what had been said and done

last night, along with the unsure future, was still heavy in the back of their minds, but in that

moment they relaxed. They allowed themselves to be happy, laughing about nothing and everything.

As their giggles faded into slack smiles, Tegan basked in how comfortable it felt to be next to Sara.

She sat in her company, absently shoving chunks of cold cinnamon roll into her mouth to please her

grumbling and empty stomach. Sara held her free hand on her bent knees, her eyes soft as her

thumb roamed over Tegan's skin. Affection was warm in her eyes and for the first time, Tegan saw it

as so much more than friendly. Sara cared about her. Sara really fucking cared about her. She could

see it in her eyes as she watched Tegan stuff her gob without any grace despite what she had grown

up to require with being polite and mannerly. God, how could she have not seen it? It was

completely unmasked in Sara's gentle smile, so open for her to see.

Sara had been trying all along and she hadn't seen the truth.

With a grin playing on her lips, Tegan ripped off a small portion of the roll onto the fork she had

been bypassing for her much more useful and now sticky fingers, but she respected Sara's past and

offered the small piece on the metal appliance. Sara smiled and leaned forward. Their eyes were

locked as Sara wrapped her lips around the sweet treat, an embarrassed titter in her throat when

the icing dribbled down her lips.

Tegan chuckled as she shoveled a far bigger piece into her own mouth. She watched as Sara licked

away the remains and sucked her lip until her mouth was clean."Will all of our arguments be fixed in

fattening treats, Tegan Rain?" She asked when her chewing ceased.

Tegan cracked a hesitant grin, remembering her s'more brownie attempts at finding Sara's

forgiveness to no avail. How was that they had come so far while being stuck in the same place?

She stuffed another piece of bread into her mouth, the icing coating her lips like gloss. She chewed

thoughtfully before shrugging. "If that's what works." She joked to which Sara laughed and squeezed

her fingers.

This was a moment that Tegan wanted to end in a proclamation of love just because she could.

Resistance was tough, but she clutched it tightly. The last thing she wanted was for Sara to feel the

pressure of the weighty word and, even more than that, she couldn't handle the lack of a response

in this moment where she just wanted to be optimistic.

To calm the storm in her chest, she rose to her knees. The bed creaked beneath her, but Sara's

closed mouth smile as she tipped her head back to meet her eyes skipped her heart. She took Sara's

chin with her sticky fingers, expecting her to gasp in horror, but the conversation had calmed Sara,

who simply wrinkled her nose at the feeling on her skin.

Tegan grinned and craned down to meet in a soft kiss. She felt Sara's smile as sugary lips molded

together chastely before Tegan pulled back. Her confession was unspoken with no sound passed

between them, but she knew Sara had heard it - and more importantly felt it - when thick eyelashes

fluttered and her eyes were shining. Hazel was bright with emerald green, golden flakes catching the

sunlight as she glowed; Tegan did that. She put that look on her face.

And perhaps, Tegan mused to herself while consuming the last bite of bread, if she was patient…

Sara would make her eyes shine like that one day.

She only had hope now.


	29. A day of Firsts

Note: it's really worth checking out the link in my Bio, plus a site with an address of mazesficdotblogspotdotcom obviously you'll need to replace dot with the actual thing on your keyboard

I agree with the reviewer who left a comment last week, it really is simple if this gets taken down here, so will everything else…Pause for thought perhaps? How many stories are on here? Many of them dormant. Wanna lose them? Go ahead and make a raucous.

Another thing for those teens that keep shouting "Plagarism" Let's see "Palgarism is the practice of taking someone else's work or ideas and passing them off as one's own".

My handle has stayed the same as years ago, I am not pretending to be someone else, I am not calling myself "Bethhatestumblrchildren" or "Somanyissuesintheworldandyouwhineaboutthis"

No profit is being made here and resemblance with any real life people is completely coincidental and unintended.

Read, enjoy and let there be love and peace! I love you all, even the sanctimonious amongst you which by my last count were only 2 people from 2 specific IP addresses.

xxxx

Growing up, lunch was Tegan's favorite time of the day. She took the passion of watching in awe as

her father chopped vegetables in synch with her rumbling stomach to the cafeteria at school years

later, babbling questions and helpful tips to the tired lunch ladies as she as she collected her tray of

runny mashed potatoes and cold corn. Her friends would hide their faces in embarrassment, poking

Tegan's back until she was forced to go find a seat and leave the poor, over-worked adults alone.

She hadn't realize that advising them to use a different technique to bake chicken was rather rude as

a chatty kid; she was sure the only thing that had kept her face clean of a smack was her toothless

grin and restless bouncing feet as she tried to peer over the counter on her tip-toes to ask them how

long they left their cookies in the oven.

Before turning thirteen, she had been forcefully rejecting the fact that her father had been the

person to originally spark her excitement for cooking. She proudly lied to friends at sleepovers as she

balanced on a step stool in front of the oven with a pot covering her head like a chef's hat, claiming

she had taught herself how to make gooey macaroni and cheese because her mother was often too

busy working to make dinner for the both of them. And at school, she would pick apart her lunch like

dissecting a frog in science class, informing everyone why the middle of their meat was frozen and

how to cook it properly so that would be avoided.

Her friends, completely uninterested, would roll their eyes and swiftly change the subject to the

grade five heartthrob, Marcus Rodney, and his new spiky haircut. Tegan would scoff at her friend's

gushing of the doe eyed brunet and drink milk through the hole of her missing front tooth as she

loudly poised the question of why Marcus Rodney was anything but totally annoying because didn't

they know he liked to flick spit balls at that nice girl, Raquel Mosalee?

Apparently that meant Marcus like liked Raquel. Tegan didn't get it.

But there were some days – rare, special days – when her mother would make her a sack lunch

before she went off to school. Those were the days Sonia hadn't slept, having been up all night, and

Tegan had yet to even wriggle her hand from the depths of her blankets to smack blindly at her

beeping alarm clock.

Tegan would carry the brown paper bag like a precious baby as she rushed to the bus stop, her parka

slipping off one shoulder and the ball of her knit cap bouncing off her nose. Climbing into the school

bus only moments before it squealed and drove away, she would cast the driver a breathless and

flushed smile and laugh in delight when he shook his head in exasperation. She'd search for the face

of her best friend, avoiding the pretty red head in the front seat who made her cheeks feel hot and

her insides squirmy for reasons she didn't explore, and hold her bagged lunch above her head like an

athlete with their trophy. "Look! Mum made me lunch!"

Of course, no one cared. But she did. Looking back, she supposed the warm feeling in the pit of her

stomach when her mother handed her a little bag with her name scribbled on the front with a

sharpie was pure gratitude. Her mother had been trying so hard to create a loving, stable

environment for her only child. The hugs before bed time and proud beams when Tegan brought

home a good grade was enough for the young student, but as an adult, she understood what her

mother needed to do to make up for what was lost when her father disappeared years earlier. With

that knowledge, it only made her memories all the more special.

The best thing about those sacked lunches was not the food inside, however. It felt that way, as she

presented every plastic wrapped peanut butter and jelly sandwich and juicy pickle to her friends

later that day, but deep inside was something even more special: The napkin.

There was nothing amazing about the rather rough white paper decorated in pink and blue swirls. It

took unraveling the folded paper to find what was truly great about it. The message her mother had

written for her to see, the thing she had been waiting all day to discover. So as she chomped on soft

bread seeping with purple jelly, she would hide the napkin in her lap as she listened to the loud

chatter and squealing laughter around her.

Sometimes it was as simple as I love you, Teetee and other days, a very specific Good luck on the

spelling test! while other, more disappointing days she had been waiting to see, Remember to take

out the trash when you get home! xo mom.

But no matter what it said, Tegan's face would split into a wide smile as she waved the message in

her friend's faces to showcase just how much her mother cared about her. She supposed now, that

back then she felt as if she needed everyone to know as the whispers of where her father might be

were still so loud in her ears while walking through the halls.

As time passed, her buzzed hair grew to long braids down her back and her interest in the cute red

head on the bus became a deep and crazy obsession for the way the other girl – Casey, she found

out years later – smiled at her when she walked by, the messages became something to hide. She'd

find the napkin folded beneath a ham sandwich, flush bright red, and shove it back inside in hopes

that no one saw the mortifying scribble on her mother's love.

Now, well on her way to twenty-two, Tegan was the embarrassing one.

The cap of the open sharpie was squeezed between her teeth, settled in the corner of her lips, as the

felt tip hovered uncertainly above a sunflower decorated napkin. The food processor was churning

quietly beside her as she balanced herself on one foot, the toes of her other slipping beneath the leg

of her boxers. She dug her elbow into the kitchen counter, wondering if this was how her mother felt

all those years ago: Searching her brain for the correct message of heart, imagining it meeting the

trash can with little care.

The sun was yet to rise, the morning sky painted in soft blues and the apartment quiet. Heavy fumes

were emitting from the sharpie as it began to bleed in a fuzzy splotch of her indecision.

She shook her head to herself, clutched confidence to her chest, and dove straight in.

Hope you're having a great day! - XO Tegan The napkin wrinkled under her chicken scratch as she

nibbled on her piercing and added at the end, Rain

Was this lame? This was lame. She was being lame. This was totally lame. Sara was bound to hide

the napkin in the same hurried red-faced fashion she had as a cool teenager in high school. With

Sara's manners, there was no way she would not find the napkin to dab her lips and wipe her fingers.

There was no way Tegan's message would go unseen and find the trash the same way the rest of the

brown sack would.

Of course, Tegan wanted her to see it. It was Sara's first day at work and as her girlfriend – The

mental label was proudly smacked to her chest with childish excitement – Tegan wanted her to feel

supported and encouraged amidst the anxiety of a fresh experience. She wanted Sara to see the

note and know that Tegan was thinking of her and, with trepidation, loved her. She wanted her to

feel that same warmth in her chest Tegan felt as a child seeing her mother's little note of thought.

She capped the sharpie with a low sigh and a shake to her head. She stopped the food processor and

went to work at finishing the lunch she was preparing for Sara. Inside a piece of pita bread she had

cut into a tiny pocket, she dropped a few diced tomatoes inside. She turned to the food processor

with a spoon and scooped a healthy chunk of hummus before plopping it inside and repeating the

process once more. When she was satisfied with that, she crawled through the refrigerator to pry a

few mixed green from the tiny compartment to drop inside, as well as a few different types of light

sauces. She drizzled the inside with a flick of her wrist before appraising her work with a satisfied

hum. It was healthy, something she herself would never eat, but she assumed Sara would enjoy it.

It wasn't until she had properly wrapped the falafel inside a plastic baggy and set it inside a paper

bag alongside her messaged napkin that she began to hear life on the other end of the apartment.

The shower turned on as a door closed, the floorboards creaking as Tegan dropped in a bag of Sea

Salt and Vinegar Popchips before placing a bottle of water carefully to keep from smashing the food.

It was only her adapted ears that let her hear soft footsteps enter the kitchen. She turned to look

over her shoulder, a grin splitting across her face as her heart skipped.

Sara's hair was freshly combed and straightened, tucked behind her ear. Her black and white striped

shirt had sleeves that Tegan thought were far too long for this weather, rolled up to her forearms

and tucked into her gray trousers that were held up by a familiar red belt.

"G'morning!" She turned around fully, resting her elbows on the counter as she leaned her back

against the wood. "You look super cute."

Sara's eyes dropped shyly to the floor as a blush bloomed over her cheeks. Tegan watched with a

growing grin as Sara fiddled with her fringe, re-tucking the perfectly placed strands. "Thank you."

She said softly. She was so bashful; so unsure of how to act on their first official day as a couple. "I

was advised to wear something rather casual, as I will be forced to change later."

"Well, I think you made a great choice. You look awesome." Tegan cocked her head to rest her cheek

against her lifted shoulder. She bit her lip as Sara's eyes met hers, the other woman wringing her

fingers together at her waist. "Come here." She murmured softly.

Sara's bottom lip disappeared inside of her mouth. Her thumbs ran over the arch of her knuckles as

she took a few timid steps forward, as if gravity was fighting her legs. Tegan balanced herself on one

elbow and reached to touch the bone of Sara's wrist, tugging her gently forward until their faces

were only a few inches away. Sara's body heat radiated off on her, eyes nervously sketching

anything but Tegan.

"It's okay to be nervous. Work… life… us…" Tegan's fingers caressed Sara's skin, her voice low. "It's

okay to be nervous about everything. It's totally normal. I know you can't control it and I want you to

know I'm anxious too. But I'm also so excited for everything new for you and for me… and for us."

Sara's lips twitched as her eyes oozed warmth and Tegan smiled gently. She needed no other

response; she could see what Sara wanted to say, but was too afraid to let slip on top of the fragility

of this first day of everything. She held Sara's cheek in her palm as they met half-way in a soft

collision of smiling mouths. Sara tasted of cold, minty toothpaste and there was a slight tremble in

her lips that exposed the tangle of nerves in her stomach, but she kissed Tegan with same gentle

passion she always had.

When they parted, their lips stuck together like resisting Velcro. "You're still okay with Emy dropping

you off, right? 'Cause if not, I can-"

"It is alright, Tegan Rain. You need a few extra hours of sleep before you venture to class and I wish

to have that time to bond with Emily." Sara sucked on her lip and it rushed with blood. "I wish to

grow closer to her."

"Good." Tegan grinned and brushed Sara's fringe away from her eyes. "I made you lunch, though. I

thought maybe you wouldn't want to have to go search for food on your first day, so I made you

some bullshit healthy thing."

"Oh," Sara glanced behind Tegan at the brown bag, a red hue brightening her cheeks. She turned to

Tegan with a soft smile, her eyes all but forming hearts. Enchanted, Tegan chuckled. "Thank you."

Tegan kissed that blazing hot cheek as Emy's footsteps grew nearer. "Have a great day, okay? I have

faith that you'll be great."

"I hope you have an interesting day at school." Sara responded shyly. Her dilated pupils dropping to

Tegan's lips, aching with desire as her tongue poked to wet her own. She drifted up to meet Tegan's

steady gaze before her lips were covering Tegan's in a warm hold.

Tegan's fingers ached to tangle in Sara's hair, to push her against the counter and dip into her mouth

with her tongue, but now was not the time and she didn't want to ruin Sara's hair. She saved those

ideas for later and softly parted them as Emy appeared at the doorway, backpack on and hair

thrown into a pretty ponytail that brushed her shoulder. Her eyes were accentuated with liner and

twinkling as she looked between the two of them.

"Ready to go, Sara? I think I can drop you off and be at class in under, like, twenty minutes."

"Yes, thank you, Emily." Sara took Tegan's proffered sacked lunch with a small, but grateful smile her

way. It sent Tegan's stomach and heart into a simultaneous frenzy.

"No problem. Let me just get some water and then we'll head out."

Sara gave Tegan one last smile and giggled at the cheeky wink she got in response before padding

out of the room. Emy grabbed a cold bottle from the refrigerator, her eyebrows poised. "You made

her lunch? I've been living with you for, like, three years or something and you never made me

lunch."

Tegan grinned wickedly. She waggled her eyebrows at Emy's mock scowl. "Make out with me and

maybe I'll consider it." She shot back.

Emy's mouth stretched into a smirk as she all but trotted over and pressed a wet and loud smooch

to Tegan's cheek. Tegan squeaked and batter her away, wiping the saliva from her cheek with a nose

wrinkled in disgust. Her best friend laughed and smacked her shoulder, "But seriously. I'm so happy

for you, Tee. You guys are good for each other. I can see it."

Tegan relaxed her playful tension and smiled. "I can too."

"Okay, I really gotta go." Emy shifted her backpack. "I'm gonna go make out with your girlfriend now.

Bye!"

Her best friend ran out of the room before Tegan could respond, the door slamming too loudly for

the early morning. She rolled her eyes at the empty apartment and padded towards the bedroom to

fall face first into the sheets for a few hours.

Tegan stirred herself from a dreamless sleep only an hour and a half before her first class of the year

started. It was a struggle to detach herself from the warmth of Sara's pillow, which she had awoken

to find herself spooning with her nose buried in the fluffy cotton.

She wasn't ready to succumb to the school year, but she forced herself into the light of the day with

a sleepy stumble in her dragging gait. The bed called out to her, begging her to come back and sleep

through her responsibilities, but she had a long and exciting day ahead of her that she wanted to be

wide awake for.

Dressing for the first day of University was not the same as high school. High school had felt like a

fashion show that Tegan wanted no part of and was successfully ignored by her peers as an option of

the top model. While her classmates had been up before the sun to dress in their best threads,

Tegan had waited until the very last second to hop out of bed and throw on whatever was clean

while abusing her teeth with the bristles of a brush. She truly had not given a fuck.

As puberty slowed, she grew far more interested in her appearance. She wanted to look nice, no

matter how rugged her sense of fashion tended to be. She changed her haircut as often as Hayley

changed the color of her own, experimented with new clothes, filled her arms with intricate art, and

sometimes dabbled in makeup – eyeliner and mascara when the mood struck. She took pride in

looking deep into her reflection and finding satisfaction instead of the hopeless "oh, well" that

would exit her lips as she shrugged to herself as a fifteen year old.

Looking back of her teenage years made her cringe. Band t-shirts two sizes too big had drowned her

alongside light denim pants that hugged nothing and camouflaged everything. Her hair, when not

chopped unevenly and "styled" with gel, had weighed her neck down to hang in thick, unkempt

waves. Lack of sleep and constant smoke filling her lungs had left her eyes bloodshot and lids heavy,

her smile lop-sided and loud chuckle hoarse. How she had gotten a girl to even look in her direction

back then was a mystery to her. She was lucky a few girls were charmed by her personality enough

to lower their standards for her image of completely lacking self-care.

She was eighteen when she started to look into the mirror and wonder what the hell was wrong with

her, growing embarrassed to enter the public with hair that hadn't been brushed and clothes

loosened with wrinkles. It seemed as if one day a wake up call was sprung on her and she rushed to

the salon to get her haircut and begged her mom for new clothes.

Occasionally, University brought back that disinterest in her appearance, as exhaustion allowed her

to sleep until the very last second and stress slipped her into sweatpants and a hoodie. She often

walked into class with a yawn, her hair messy and her chef's uniform unwashed. Luckily, students in

college lived in solidarity and no one smirked at the bags under her eyes, but instead rested their

heads on the table beside her as they sat in a lecture with their hair pulled into a careless bun and

eyes blinking past the desire to sleep.

She had been sitting in classes with the same group of hopefuls for four years. There was no such

thing as a first impression today, but something inside of her wanted to dress up. As she shuffled to

the bathroom and peered into the mirror, she nodded to her twin.

She felt good about herself today and she wanted her appearance to reflect that. It was the first day

of her fourth year in search of her dreams, she was seeing her mother later, and Sara was her

girlfriend. She had a girlfriend for the first time in so long and it wasn't just anyone – it was Sara. She

was in love. Her life was at the cusp of the future, preparing her for the unknown in all directions.

She was excited.

Exhilaration rushed through her chest as she set about brushing her teeth. She was thorough,

circling over her molars and scraping her tongue until her mouth was cool and minty fresh. She gave

herself an exaggerated smile, her gums exposed as she inspected her pearly white – if slightly

crooked – teeth.

Next came her hair. It had dried on its own after last night's shower, causing the ends to curl and her

fringe to sweep with an extra wave across her forehead. It was getting pretty long now, the ends

almost touching her shoulders while her bangs tickled her lashes. Usually when it was getting this

long, she got it cut. But she liked the way this particular style was growing and resting on her head in

a way that made her look kind of cool;like, maybe no one would be surprised if she carried a

skateboard or motorcycle helmet under her arm and told a story about how she broke her arm

trying a new trick on the hot gravel. Tegan liked feeling cool instead of a bumbling dork and she

relished in the pump of confidence it erupted in her blood. There was something carelessly careful

about the way her hair curled across her strong jaw and hid her eyes, reminding her of those

devilishly handsome men in movies who rolled out of bed at the beginning of the film, slipped on a

leather jacket, and made eyes at beautiful women. And it was clean cut, primped to perfection Sara

who rested under her arm at the end of the movie, a sucker for the way her piercing shone under

her grinning lips.

A low, delighted laugh tickled her throat as she brushed the waves with a wet comb very carefully as

to not ruin the way it looked on its own.

Pleased, she rushed back into their room and flicked on the light of the closet. Her fingers pushed

back loose t-shirts and long sweaters, until she found silk. She threw the hanger over her shoulder to

assess the top – it was a button up of Sara's, the sleeves short and the material flowy. Tegan had

never seen Sara wear this particular top, but she was fairly sure she wouldn't mind if she herself

wore it.

She shook off the shirt she had slept in and found a discarded bra on the floor, the cups decorated in

the pattern of a giraffe which allowed her to know it was definitely hers. She clasped it to her body

and fixed the straps before slipping on Sara's shirt. The material was light and cool, like the brush of

a water fall on her skin, and when she fastened the buttons they only reached her chest, exposing

the expanse of her clavicle. It was loose around her torso, the sleeves reaching only to her biceps,

and mildly see-through. Tegan wondered why Sara hadn't worn it as she immediately grew fond of

the way the hemming lingered just below her waist. She hummed to herself as she hopped into her

favorite polka dotted pants and slipped into her Doc's.

She went to the bathroom one last time to snap in green studs to her earlobes. She rarely wore

earrings, but today was one that felt like they were necessary. She gave herself a once over and

winked at her reflection as if she was trying to pick herself up at a bar, lewd and dramatic. "Lookin'

decent."

She made sure the oven was off, grabbed her long ago discarded back pack and keys, and took a

breath of preparation as the front door slammed behind her.

It felt weird to be back at school. As if no time had passed, she fell back into the swing of things as

easily as it would have been if she had only been gone for a day. She waved at familiar faces and

directed confused new peers to the correct classrooms while she rushed to find a find a good seat in

her own; a seat that would be silently coined as hers for the rest of the semester. Somewhere near a

window, towards the middle of the classroom so she would not get too distracted during long

lectures. Somewhere that made it easy to watch the bright, cloudless blue sky and beaming sun as

students jumped on their friends and studied while they walked through the greenery. Allergies

tickled at her nose at the idea of watching freshly mown grass sway in the wind.

She only had two classes today, and one was already done and over with, lasting only a mere twenty

minutes as her professor went over the same rules and regulations she and her peers had heard a

million times. It bored her to near tears as she kept herself interested and awake with thoughts of

Sara's rosy lips parting to gasping moans while she created random designs on the wood of the table

with the tip of her pointer finger. She was in the honey moon phase with her new girlfriend, and it

was a crying shame that they had to spend this day apart instead of making love (Love? Sort of.) until

the moon replaced the sun, where they collapsed and parted only because of exhaustion. She had

stared at her professor with a look of feigned interest as she plotted special date ideas for whenever

Sara had a day off.

She waited for her second class to start, standing outside of the occupied classroom as she waited

for the clock to hit noon while she caught up with an old friend, Hunter. She had met him her second

semester of University and with the bond of music and cooking, they become fast friends. She

laughed with him as he animatedly told her of his adventures over the summer until the buzz of her

phone interrupted his voice.

A wide grin split across her face as she placed the phone to her ear. "Hi, baby!" She cheerily greeted,

hoping her happiness to see Sara's name on her screen could radiate through her voice and fuse

through the line of the receiver to plant a similar smile on Sara's face. The pet name passed her lips

without permission, caught up in the thrill that was zapping electricity through her veins. It felt so

easy to place the title onto Sara with the memory of her shining eyes yesterday morning.

Hunter's brows rose. He knew, quite intimately, her recent struggle with relationships. He had seen

her tumble through girl after girl, and became a shoulder to cry on when things went sour every

time. She knew, deep down, that the use of the pet name was also a selfish desire for Hunter to

know she was happily taken; no longer the singular loser who accepted every date she could find.

"Hello, Tegan Rain." Sara greeted formally, but her voice had adapted that sweet lilt that Tegan was

beginning to realize she only directed at her. It made her smile, as if Sara had reduced herself to

babbling with baby talk. It was thick with a lisp and warm; it reminded Tegan of drizzling rain on a

Sunday morning. It was special. It was hers.

"How is your first day going?" Tegan angled her body away from Hunter as she dedicated her

attention to the muffled rustling on the other line. She saw her friend grin as he leaned forward to

catch every word she spoke. "Is everyone being nice to you?"

"Yes, they are obligatorily friendly. It is going quite well, I believe." There was a pause as a low voice

yelled something on the other line. She heard the air in Sara's lungs expel in a rustle against the

receiver until the soft latch of a door silenced the shout. The silence of wherever Sara was standing

roared underneath her voice, "A very kind man by the name of Christopher is showing me, as he

calls it, 'the ropes'. The ropes are dull and uninteresting. Working in a bookstore is far from rocket

science and I am offended they believe I need to be trained on how to alphabetize the spines of

genres."

"Well, not everyone has seen the giant ass library in your old room." Tegan laughed softly, imagining

Sara's polite nods as her eyes slit into bored lines. "Did you get your uniform yet?"

"Yes, I received the clothing when I was doing monotonous paperwork this morning. I had to change

in a bathroom that would surely not pass the standards of an everyday citizen and my horror was

bountiful. It came along with a rather flashy name tag and I believe I look simply ridiculous." Sara

giggled. It was filled with her quiet enthusiasm for her new adventure despite her fussing. "I am on

my lunch break and I thought this was the perfect opportunity to inform you that Christopher – I

apologize, I mean Chris. He is very adamant about the usage of such a nickname. Chris has explained

to me the bus routes and I believe I will be able to make my way home this afternoon through public

transportation."

Home. The word echoed through Tegan's head.

"I can practically hear your mum screaming in horror." She chuckled, imagining Mrs. Clement's

cheeks growing red and eyes straining at the normalcy her daughter was venturing. She heard Sara's

soft laugh in response as Hunter inched closer in an attempt to hear the voice emitting from her

phone. "Just be careful and get off at the right place."

"My main concern is touching the seats. I have heard many stories about public transportation and I

cannot help but picture a rundown bus covered in green, crawling filth." Tegan pictured Sara's

wrinkled nose and chuckled. "Are you still at University, Tegan Rain? It is very noisy on your end."

"Yeah, I'm just waiting for my last class to start," Tegan looked at Hunter from the corner of her eye

as their temples met, his ear pressed against the back of her phone. The fuzzy image of him was

smirking. "I'll probably get out in about ten minutes, first classes never last long. So I'll be home just

a few hours before you get off. Also, I'm wearing one of your shirts. Oops."

"My closet is your closet." Sara repeated Tegan's own words to her, causing her to smile to herself.

"And… I am positive you look beautiful." It was said so softly that Tegan almost didn't hear the sweet

sentiment. Sara's voice was as bashful as the hunch in her shoulders had been this morning,

morphing Tegan's smile into a wide grin as heat prickled her face.

"You can't even see me." She teased; flirted.

"Sight is not necessary." Sara responded quietly. Plastic crinkled on her end, as if her fingers were

restlessly running over a baggie. "If I have faith in one thing, it is your beauty."

Tegan's teeth bit her grin down unsuccessfully as it tore at her cheeks. Her heart was stuttering, her

throat expanding with a weird and uncharacteristic giggle. She looked down at her feet in hopes to

hide her happiness from the strangers bustling around her. A surge of heat settled between her

thighs – a completely inappropriate response to Sara's sweet whisper, especially while standing so

close to Hunter. She distanced them with a few smart steps and his smirk widened considerably as if

knew where her blood was rushing. "I can't wait to see you in your cute little outfit." She said with a

roll of her eyes at her friend. "Have I ever told you about how much I dig a chick in uniform?"

"It isn't as if I have joined the military, Tegan Rain." Sara pointed out with a flattered giggle. "I simply

wear a much too large and rather tacky polo shirt and a name tag that cheerily questions if I may be

of service."

Uncaring of the many people around her inside the flooding hall, Tegan piped up saucily, "You can

definitely be of service to me, Sara."

Hunter snorted. Tegan pointedly ignored him.

"Tegan Rain." Her name was stern and scandalized, reminding her they were both in public.

The door of her classroom was thrown open, spilling with students holding binders to their chests as

they exchanged pleasantries with their new classmates. Tegan sighed regretfully. "Shit. Hey, I've

gotta go. Class is about to start. I'll see you in a few hours, okay?"

"Alright. I will talk to you later, Tegan Rain."

Tegan grinned. Sara was beginning to understand cellphone etiquette like she had been a part of it

all of her life. "I'll see you soon. Bye, Sara." She didn't say 'I love you', but she considered it.

The phone beeped and Tegan stuffed it back into her pocket as Hunter beamed, full of so much thrill

for her that she couldn't help but laugh. "So… you finally got your groove back, eh?"

Tegan shoved him as they made their way inside, his back smacking into the door frame. "Fuck off."

"You don't have to look so nervous, Sara. My mum won't bite."

Crickets chirped under the soft orange sun as a child screeched in the distance. The small heel of

Tegan's boots clapped the sidewalk as she watched Sara nervously run her fingers down the

wrinkleless top for the hundredth time. Her restless fingers tucked the fringe of her hair as the wind

picked it up, her eyes strained with nerves and her lips tucked into her mouth. She was eerily quiet,

wrapped up in her own all-consuming worries. Tegan sighed.

The short heels of her boots clapped the sidewalk as the humidity stuck to her skin, the tick of a

sprinkler wetting the neighborhood grass loud and splashing dark droplets on the gray gravel. It

smelled as if it had been raining, but the sky was empty as the evening drifted closer and closer to

the night. Tegan sucked in a long breath, holding the scent of summer in her lungs while it lasted, as

the days were bound to get colder and colder until the ground was tall with snow and the air stained

with misty breath.

Sara's hands went to tug at the collar of her black button down from her peripheral, and with an

exasperated chuckle, Tegan took her fidgeting hand and clasped their fingers together to cease her

nervous tugging.

For the first time all afternoon, Sara looked Tegan in the eye. She had been nervously rambling

about the utterly revolting bus when she got home as she tugged off her rather cute uniform to

trade it for something "refined", her eyes switching back and forth between the ground and her own

body. She hadn't said a word about Tegan's napkin message, and Tegan was too embarrassed to

bring it up. She assumed it had gone unseen and left it at that. But now their eyes met, and they

were not clouded with distractions as Sara curled their fingers more firmly together.

Tegan's heart soared. Sara's acceptance to step out of her comfort zone meant more to her than she

could ever verbalize.

"Mum will love you." She assured. She tugged Sara to her side, using their clasped hands to force

their hips to meet. A mother shouted for her child in someone's backyard, a call laced in laughter

and annoyance. "I promise. You have nothing to worry about."

"I often worry." Sara countered softly, her touch cold as her fingers danced over Tegan's knuckles.

"I know." Tegan smiled, crooked and light. Sara's lips twitched just slightly. Tegan spotted the open

back gate of her mother's privacy fence and tugged Sara in the right direction.

"We are not entering through the front door?" Sara asked curiously. The grass tickled their ankles as

birds squawked above them, their feathers a blur of color in the dark blue sky. Tegan could see into

the neighbor's kitchen through the open window, painted in bad yellow lighting with a flickering

television resting on the counter, the old black-and-white movie silenced.

"Mum has a pool and I thought… I dunno, I thought maybe it would remind you of where you used

to read and stuff at your mother's place." Tegan shrugged off her ramble. The ground was soft and

her shoes sunk into the dirt beneath wet grass, causing her nose to wrinkle. "I thought it'd make you,

like, comfortable. It's not as cool or big or anything, but… yeah. I dunno."

She made a beeline into the gate, kicking it open an extra fraction with the toe of her boot. The

wood smashed and budged against the soil, creaking the hinges. Sara's fingers tightened nervously,

and Tegan knew that if they ever warmed, sweat would be clinging to their laced digits.

The blue water of the pool was rippling under the lights, surrounded by soft grass. Her mother was

already sitting out on the patio, the tan umbrella above the small table shading her from the fading

sun. Her eyes were closed, her long brown hair falling over the back of the chair to dance in the wind

as she enjoyed the last few hours of heat. Tegan couldn't help but grin, reminded of the awe she had

held deep in her childish heart when the sun caught her mother's hair just right. She had looked like

a Queen, rich and beautiful, but Tegan had never felt like a Princess. She always saw herself as more

of the rebel who swooped in and fell in love with the Princess, straying her from the stifling pressure

of her pre-destined life. Which, really, was exactly what happened.

"Mum!" Sonia's eyes flew open at Tegan's voice, her head turning to smile brightly at the

approaching women.

Sara dragged behind her on stiff legs and tight knees. Like a shy child on the first day of school hiding

behind their mother's legs as they were introduced to their new teacher, Sara loitered behind Tegan

as if she was a tall barrier. Her neck was sloped, her hair acting as a shield to hide her pink face.

Tegan ran her fingers over Sara's rigid bones as they shuffled forward.

"Hi, Tegan!" Sonia stood quickly, her white V-neck loose and her bangs tickling her thinned brows.

She looked as young and lively as she was in Tegan's earliest memories. She waited until Tegan was

stepping up on the smooth patio to tug her into a bone-crushing hug. The warmth of her mother's

arms made Tegan sigh as she released Sara's hand to reciprocate properly. "I like your shirt. When'd

you get it? It looks expensive."

"It's actually not mine. It's Sara's." Tegan inched from the hug with a lingering sniff of her mother's

perfume. She held the familiar scent in her nose as she stepped to the side, exposing Sara's slight

frame. Sara shifted nervously on her heels, abusing her lower lip as she politely met Sonia's eyes.

"Sara, this is my mum. Mum, this is my girlfriend, Sara." Tegan's breath came out in whoosh as she

uttered those words for the first time, joy swelling in her chest. Fuck, Sara was her girlfriend.

Sonia's dark eyes slowly took Sara in. Sara began to wring her hands yet again, awaiting to be spoken

to. Her eyes were blinking, fast and countless. Her chest wasn't moving as her throat worked to

silent gulps. Tegan put a hand on the small of her back in hopes that the heat of her palm was

reassuring as she watched her mother eye the baby hairs curling on the collar of Sara's tucked in

button down – void of any creases – and her dark trousers folded neatly at the ankles to

accommodate cream colored boots. The young women waited for a response, one in nerves and the

other expectant.

"Well, look at you!" She finally said, her smile curling over her teeth. Tegan breathed a quiet breath

of relief at the look of genuine appraisal in her mother's shining eyes. "You're as beautiful as Tegan

said you were."

Sara's cheeks filled with blood, her eyes dropping to the ground as she shyly tucked her hair behind

her ear. Tegan shared a wide grin with her mother as Sara whispered, "Thank you, Ms. Rain."

"Oh, come on." She teased friendlily. "Call me Sonia."

"Don't even try, mum." Tegan laughed good-naturedly. "She still calls Emy Emily. And she's probably

only called me Tegan once." She rubbed her hand over the hot skin radiating under Sara's top as she

looked sheepishly to the ground

Sonia's brows quirked with a hum and an understanding nod. "We all do what makes us comfortable,

right?" She asked Sara, who timidly nodded. Her smile grew almost fond as she opened her arms

invitingly, "Come here!"

Tegan took a step back, her smile stretching over her cheeks and presenting her gums as Sara was

taken into a tight hug. She saw Sara's eyes widen a fraction and her lips part in surprise as motherly

arms wrapped around her for the first time. The stunned raise of her frozen hands hovering over

Sonia's back lit a roaring sadness in Tegan's chest as she pondered if her mother had ever hugged

her. She knew, deep down, the answer when Sara hesitantly patted Sonia's back while her own

paused without air.

When Sara was released, Tegan's hand found the spot on her back once more, where it dipped and

dimpled. Sara gazed at her in wonderment. Tegan saw a million questions roam over her eyes, but

she could only answer with a saddened smile that lowered Sara's eyes to the ground.

"Come and sit!" Sonia motioned to the table, lined with rusting chairs with an exuberant wave of her

arms. She pointed to the tall pitcher of sweating lemonade, three glass filled to the brim with sour

liquid. "I made lemonade. I hope that's okay with you, Sara."

"Oh, I have no qualms." Her voice was so soft, carried away by the wind and distractions.

Tegan rushed forward as something eager rose in her gut; she wanted to treat Sara and make her

comfortable. She pulled a chair out and turned to the dainty woman with a quirking smile and

arched brows, offering the seat to Sara's heated cheeks. She took a few silent steps on the patio,

perfecting her walk so they did not clap the ground as she sat gingerly in the proffered seat, back

straight and legs pressed tightly together. Tegan plopped gracelessly in the chair beside her, scooting

them closer until the green legs clinked and she could feel Sara's body heat radiate onto her skin.

She glanced sideways at the small woman, watching as her eyes strayed to her own lap, her short

nails picking and her teeth stark against her reddening lip.

With a soft sigh, Tegan casually wrapped her arm around Sara's shoulders. She felt how tight they

were beneath her bicep and the swell of her breast beneath her dangling fingers as Sara breathed

very stilted, choppy breaths that she masked so well. She expected to be shoved away, possibly from

her past or possibly from Sara's past, but the tiny brunette relaxed a fraction and eased timorously.

"So, Sara." Sara's eyes flew to Sonia's face at the sound of her name, glazed with nearly masked

anxiety. But Tegan saw it and moved her hand to the back of Sara's neck, lightly tracing her

fingertips over the hard line of her spine as she attempted to twirl short strands of hair on her finger.

"Tell me about yourself. Anything and everything, I'm all ears."

"Oh, um." Sara paused, her brows furrowed thoughtfully. "I… I don't suppose there is much of a tale

to tell-"

Tegan frowned as she interrupted, "Don't shortchange yourself, Sara."

Sara glanced her way and Tegan smiled encouragingly as she drifted back to Sonia, who cocked her

head curiously and caused the lowering sun to tint her dark hair red. "Well… my name is Sara

Keirsten Clement and I have recently turned the age of twenty-one. I am the only child of a long line

of wealth and greed… which is not something I am necessarily proud of. My father inherited my

family's business when my grandfather's mind deteriorated." Her shoulders dropped to a soft sigh.

Tegan wondered if she had been close to the man. "My mother… presents unlikable qualities that I

wish to stray from. I… I quite enjoy reading. I was not exposed to many films as a child, as mother

believes television rots one's brain, but I did happen upon a James Bond movie on the eve of my

eleventh birthday, and I quite enjoyed it no matter how ridiculous the plot." Sara's nails dragged

over the curve of her thumb. "Um. I did not go to a schooling establishment, but my private tutor did

inform me that I excelled in the syntax of the English language." She offered the last few words as if

they were stupid, but Tegan thought it was anything but dumb.

"I can see why." Sonia's smile was all but doting. Tegan almost laughed as she imagined the ideas of

Christmas get-togethers she was surely already plotting – matching sweaters and eggnog. "You

speak very well, Sara. Like a poet."

A flattered smile tugged at Sara's lips as her head ducked. "Thank you very much."

The skin under Tegan's fingers was so hot. Sara's blood pressure must be sky rocketed to radiate

such a blazing hot red hue at the tip of her ears, but the muscles under her lightly dragging fingertips

melted under her ministrations.

"So, you like James Bond?" Her mother picked up the topic as she sipped her glass of lemonade, her

lips smacking. "I remember Tegan jumping around and rolling on the floor while pretending to save

her teddy bears when she saw that as a little girl."

"Oh, god." Tegan bemoaned.

A feminine giggle was in Sara's throat and Tegan mourned the fact that it was from such

embarrassing imagery. "It is quite odd you say that, as I was… a bit reminded of that man when I first

laid eyes on Tegan Rain."

Tegan's brows shot up her forehead, "What? Really?"

"It's not as if I expected you to save a damsel in distress only seconds before a booming explosion.

And I did not think of you as a trollop, which he was without question, but… there was something in

your stance." Sara's shoulder lifted in a shrug under Tegan's arm. "There was something quite…

appealing to me… about the confident pull of your shoulders. It was the way you stood, slightly

masculine but enthrallingly feminine with your frame. I cannot quite explain it, but I saw you and

wished to indulge in the movies for the first time in so long."

"Was it a crush at first sight?" Sonia leaned over the table with interest sparking in her eyes.

Tegan jerked herself out of the hearts clouding her head. "Mum. You don't have to answer that, Sara.

She'll keep asking you questions if you do. She loves to hear people talk about me. It's weird."

"It's quite alright." Sara reassured her. She leaned as casually as she could get into Tegan's touch.

"She definitely struck me as interesting, Ms. Rain. I had never seen anyone like your daughter." She

spoke like Tegan wasn't there, delving deep into her old manners as she met Sonia's eyes and

answered all of her questions. And despite her protests, Tegan eagerly listened to every word.

"Admittedly…" Sara ducked her head in a familiar act of shyness, and from her peripheral, Tegan saw

her mother's smile widen. "I thought her disastrously beautiful. My body came to life when I saw her

standing in the hall, though air seemed to escape me. Her hair was utterly wild and her piercing

shining… and then she spoke."

Tegan's breath hitched. Her mother was beaming with pride, hanging on every word as if she were

listening to a fairytale.

"She wasn't particularly kind," One shoulder lifted to a small shrug as Sonia glanced towards Tegan.

There was a glare of disapproval in her eyes, letting Tegan know how much she was already taken to

Sara. "Though it was not her words that reeled me in, but her voice… slightly raspy, crackling in her

throat and almost deep yet curved with something lightly sweet. I was willing to sit through anything

she had to say just to hear that voice."

Tegan swallowed. "You never told me that before." That voice was faint and weak. Her knees felt

wobbly and she thanked a higher power that she was already sitting.

Sara's cheeks were flushed under the sun as the wind tickled her hair across the cute tilt of her nose.

Her head tilted to the ground, her eyelids hiding her evasive stare – she was embarrassed. "I come

from a background of children who are raised to be an exact replica of their parents. And they do

what is expected of them whether they enjoy such a life or not. I was struggling with such things

when I saw Tegan Rain, and I could tell from a mere glance, that she had been encouraged to be her

own person. She held something I seldom saw… individuality. And that person she was allowed to be

was one whom I was desperate to learn and understand every nook and cranny. I never dreamt of it

coming to… to this, but I admit… I did hold, what one can only describe as something akin to a

schoolgirl crush immediately."

Sonia's smile was deep and happy as she leaned back. "I like to think I raised her well. I did question

it a few times when she was a teenager, but I think I did well." She crinkled her nose Tegan's way,

joking with her as Tegan smirked.

"I have no thoughts to voice an opposition." Sara agreed gently, flushed at the love struck smile she

received in response from Tegan's jumping heart.

Sonia looked between them, her eyes starry. "You know, Sara, I have these photos of Tegan

pretending to be James Bond with her underwear on her head. I could go get them." She paused,

and before Tegan could protest, stood with a sly grin. "In fact, I am going to."

Tegan watched in horror as her mother all but cackled as the sliding doors opened and slammed

shut. Every memory of embarrassing photos ran in a flurry through Tegan's brain, from baby pictures

of her, red faced from crying and wearing heavy diapers to her eighteenth birthday, her hair gelled

into a weird half-mohawk and her mouth attached firmly to Jenn's. Sara did not need to see that.

Hell, Tegan didn't need to see that. She didn't need to be reminded of the act they later engaged in

while Emy was screaming lyrics and dancing with their old friends to harsh music, their fingers quick

against the locked bathroom door and their moans silenced by bitten palms. She was remembering

now and even that was unacceptable. "Happy fuckin' birthday, babe." The words were ringing in her

ears as she remembered Jenn's voice, deepened from restrained cries, as she licked her fingers clean.

Her insides squirmed uncomfortably at the memory. Sara definitely did not to see her gazing at

Theresa under the dim light of a double date with Bruce and her mother or lounging in clothes far

too big while playing video games with Emy, mouth coated in orange Cheeto dust. She didn't need

to see her skin littered in red dots the day she graduated high school, her brightly colored robe

frumpy and her smile dorky.

Oh, god. Tegan jumped to her feet.

"I'm going to go make sure she gets photos that won't totally scare you away." She craned down to

press a kiss to Sara's temple, the scent of her hair warm in her nose. "She loves you." She whispered

to Sara's worried eyes, breathing against her warmth. She hoped her words burned into the skin of

her temple to leak in her brain, stained with sincerity that would make her see the truth. "I know she

does. She's probably planning some weird adoption as we speak."

"I quite enjoy her as well. She is very kind and I can see why you have sung her praises." Sara

admitted softly. "She… she hugged me." Her eyes were bright with awe, her voice breathless in

could only imagine the way her brain was reeling after growing up with such a cold,

emotionless mother. It made her entire body ache, her bones heavy and her heart clenched.

"Get used to that, sweetheart." Tegan chuckled softly as she brushed a stray hair from Sara's eyes,

masking the pain she felt that Sara had never been hugged by a mother before. "I'll be right back,

okay?"

Sara simply nodded, lost in her own thoughts. Her eyes were a million miles away and Tegan knew

she needed a moment to collect herself. She brushed her hand over her soft fringe, hot from the sun,

one last time before turning to go inside where her mother was shuffling through their many photo

albums.

The glass door shut behind Tegan as she glowered at her mother's deviously smirking face. "Please,

for the love of god, no naked baby pictures. She knows what my bum looks like now, she doesn't

need to know what it looked like twenty years ago." Tegan's quiet hiss was met with an unnerving

wicked gleam in her mother's eyes. "Mum." She stressed the word, glancing over her shoulder

through the glass doors, where Sara was nursing her lemonade. "If you show her pictures of me in

the bathtub, I swear to god–"

"Fine, fine." Sonia sighed, as if she had been denied a grand opportunity. She slipped the photo

album back onto the shelf with a regretful pat and reached for another heavy album. "This one's

from the two-thousands. You always had your clothes on then. Probably."

Tegan rolled her eyes. Leaning against the shelf, she rested her head on the albums to glance back at

Sara. Her mother followed her gaze, watching the small brunette abuse her lips under the drifting

sun. "Do you like her?" she asked quietly.

"I do." The reply was as gentle as her mother's smile. She tucked Tegan's crazed fringe behind her

bent ear, which she tugged affectionately. "She's really sweet. I like the way she looks at you. You

need this, the things she's giving you. You've been alone for so long, I was beginning to think… Well,

I'm just glad you've found her. You look so happy, Tee." Warm fingers ran down Tegan's cheek.

Tegan only nodded as she watched Sara in silence. Her mother sighed and Tegan knew she was all

but reading her mind. "She will love you when she's ready, Tegan. I can see it. She can love you even

more than you want her to. It might just take time… she wears her scars in ways that she can't help. I

can see that too. But she will love you."

Tegan looked down at her feet, heart aching. "You think?" she whispered. "Do you really think so?"

"Yeah. I really do. I hear it in that insanely poetic mouth of hers when she talks about you. It makes

me so damn happy to hear someone talk about you like that. I dreamed of that when you were a

baby, hearing someone praise things I already loved about you." Sonia sighed and it was dreamy, like

a teenager falling in love. "I like her a lot, Tegan. She's a sweetheart."

They watched as the wind picked up Sara's hair and she fixed her collar, her feet stagnant an inch

above the ground. Tegan smiled a sad slacking smile as Sara's finger nervously plucked at the thin

silver chain around her neck while her eyes roamed over the wide pool with brewing thoughts she

was sure to hear one day when Sara was ready. "I love her." The words were hushed and hurt. "I

love her so much it makes me feel fucking crazy."

Her mother patted her back in understanding, directing her outside. "I know, Teetee."


	30. I Know

One week into the new semester, Tegan woke to a dreary and rather cold morning. She could feel

the difference of temperature outside before she even shifted beneath the blankets as her ears

picked up the soft drizzle of water splashing the window, the chill in the air giving her an idea of

what was to come this winter.

She rested for a long moment, her sleep-heavied body not yet ready to roll out of the cocooning

warmth. Itchy eyes adjusted to the dark blue of the cloudy sky streaming through the window, giving

her the fuzzy image of Sara's back rising and falling to lethargic breaths. She couldn't quite make out

the relaxed face of her sleeping partner, but she knew from how quickly Sara had drifted to sleep the

night before that her day off was going to be spent with well-deserved rest. Tegan's ears were

accustomed to listening to Sara's fingers dragging over the pages of books while she slipped into

sleep, but last night Sara had nodded off before Tegan could even give her a goodnight kiss.

Watching Sara explore normalcy was surprisingly gratifying despite the stress and exhaustion that

was already thick in the apartment due to work and school. Every evening, she came home with new

stories and tired eyes. She devoured Tegan's prepared dinner with elegance as she had something

new to share about her day and Tegan listened to every word, whether it was about how

Christopher – no, Chris – had been very kind after an "appallingly furious" customer snapped at her

for something she could not control or the "highly unusual" brightly colored, tall hair she had

witnessed over the shelves of tall books ("That's called a Mohawk," Tegan had informed her). She

was enraptured with those little things that caught Sara's attention during the day – the things that

had sparked a deeper thought or familiarized Sara with enjoyed watching posh Sara

Clement grow and she loved even more being the one Sara wanted to tell about her day.

But there was one thing that Tegan loved most about Sara having a job. It was a selfish fondness that

grew bigger each day.

Sara would come home emotionally and physically exhausted from her new experiences, which

caused a lowering in her inhibitions. Tegan's favorite days were the ones where Sara would not

change the moment she got home, leaving on the dark blue polo shirt that clashed with her

expensive trousers. She was fairly sure that Sara's small frame caused the shirt to look as large as it

did on her body, the collar slipping down one side to expose the sharp bone of her shoulder and the

name tag bold on her breast. There was something so normal about the way Sara wore the cheap

shirt that Tegan found very cute; add her sleepy yet excited voice to the mix and Tegan was fucking

smitten.

Her heart would soar every time Sara timidly curled beneath her arm on the living room couch,

resting her weary head on Tegan's chest as they watched a rerun of Kitchen Nightmares. Tegan

would run her hand up and down the harsh material of her polo, laughing at Sara's shocked

commentary on Gordon Ramsey's incredible rage while Emy's pencil hissed on a drawing pad beside

them.

Her best friend had become a walking canvas, hands speckled with dried paint and shiny from gray

led. With her hair tugged into a messy bun with only stray hairs obstructing her view of a filling

sketch pad, she had become a very familiar image of the tortured artist. She murmured ideas aloud

about her upcoming project ideas, nodding to Sara's shy suggestions with a dimpled grin. Tegan sat

back and let them bond over art, one eye on the television while she half-listened to unfamiliar artist

names and painting styles.

And when Emy got that crazed look in her eye as she studied Tegan's face for a human contour

drawing, Tegan had leaped out of her sight with the knowledge of what that wide eyed stare meant.

Unfortunately, she had accidentally thrown Sara into the line of fire by doing so, and the short

haired brunette had quickly become Emy's new victim. She ordered rather abrasive commands for

Sara to cock her head towards the light so her sharp jaw was pronounced for her drawing hand. And

poor, sweet Sara was quick to abide her demands while sneakily rubbing her sleepy eyes when Emy

was focused on her thick paper.

It felt… domestic. It felt warm and homey.

Even still… there were moments of friction; moments of uncomfortable fear deepening Sara's stare.

It was shadowed in her eyes, darkening hazel to an endless black as she shifted her gaze away from

Tegan's face to focus on the thoughts in her mind. It was then that she would be at her most distant,

her mouth silent and her back tight as her face flinched. She was scared, and Tegan knew it – scared

of Tegan. Scared of herself. Scared of them and what they meant or possibly, didn't mean.

Those moments, whether they lasted a brief second or a restless night, frightened Tegan like nothing

else. The frosty glower of Sara's past would seep like cold water in Tegan's veins. She would back off

quickly, giving Sara the space that distant, grimacing smile demanded. She knew she could be

overbearing with her affection, a bit clingy and too touchy, and in those moments, she would beat

herself up for peering into Sara's eyes too long or touching her too softly. She could hear words of

giving up so early in their relationship, a quiet and apologetic break up.

But just before her heart could break over the long-winded explanation she imagined Sara delivering

with angst and regret, the brunette's eyes would warm and her bones would relax. Her smile would

sweeten and a kiss would be placed on Tegan's cheek – a silent message that wrapped Tegan in

relief. Sara had not succumbed to the demons of her worry. Not this time.

Tegan wondered how accustomed she would grow to that brush of an apology on her cheek. How

much would she hate it? How much would she pray for it? Would it always be laced in relief or

would it one day turn sour and churn in Tegan's gut like expired food? Was it a gesture she would

feel on her skin for the rest of her life? Five years? One more week?

The future was so unsettling; so unsure. It was full of so much chance and uncharted what ifs.

But today Tegan was filled with happiness. Yesterday had gone without one awkward pass of silence

between them, and Sara finally had a day off. Tegan contemplated staying home as well to curl up

beside her and sleep the day away for a brief second before shaking her head at herself. She inched

closer to the soundlessly sleeping woman, squinting in the dark to press a kiss to the crown of her

head. It was light, barely tracing her lips across sweet scented hair as to not stir her, but it

brightened Tegan's first smile of the day.

She slipped out of bed carefully with exaggeratedly slow movements and made sure the blankets

were properly covering Sara from the chill that erupted goose bumps all over Tegan's skin. She

tiptoed to the closet and searched blindly for an over-sized hoodie before making her way to the

dresser, where she plucked a pair of ripped jeans and a slouchy beanie to hide the extra wave that

the rain would add to her hair.

She glanced over her shoulder one last time at Sara's sleeping figure before closing the door with a

silent clasp.

"The principles of baking should be something that you all should be very acquainted with since

most of you are in your fourth or third year." Mrs. Corner pace in front of the white board with

calculated steps, her tight and long skirt restricting her knees from a far reach. Hunter scribbled

something in his notebook as if she had just said something very important, square-framed glasses

slipping down the bridge of his nose. "Everyone in this room should understand the proper

precautions to take and how long baked goods should stay in the oven. I'm not going to go all the

way back to something simple like a tart or simple cookie." A few sparse chuckles responded to her,

causing their professor to grin. "I'm glad you all agree that would be ridiculous."

Tegan balanced her pencil between her nose and upper lip as her eyes strayed to the window. Large

splatters of water drizzled down the pane, catching twin droplets to grow plump as it carried down

the glass. The soft smack of rain roared in Tegan's brain. The crawl of individual droplets latched

onto her eyes, deepening her into spiraling hypnotism with a stare that grew long and unrestricted

by blinks. The lecture being taught grew fuzzy as it blended in with grumbling thunder. The sounds

reminded Tegan of the leaking paints on Emy's palette – a splattering of mix-matched meanings that

become something important when collecting in harmony.

The sky was unnervingly dark for the early afternoon, thick with crying clouds. It felt as if they were

in a night class and the yellow light of the building was suddenly as irritating as a shining bedroom

light when trying to sleep.

Tegan stifled a yawn with the back of her hand.

Late August had never looked so cold with the cloudy chill of the rain fogging all four corners of the

window and tree limbs slumped as if giving up the life that would soon be drained alongside their

vibrant color. The sight caused Tegan to grow vaguely sad, already missing the laughing cries of

children playing in their front yards and the warmth of the sun sneaking into her skin.

Winter was Sara's favorite season, Tegan remembered. Perhaps she would grow brighter at the sight

of the almost metallic scent of snow in the shivering wind. Perhaps the cold, pink tint of her cheeks

would bring youth to her smile that she lacked in draining heat. Like Tegan thrived in the summer

with cut off sleeves and strong calf muscles from biking, maybe Sara would strengthen with warm

scarves and the steam of hot chocolate.

Either way, Tegan was excited to experience new months of gifting holidays and leaf changes with

Sara's hand in hers.

But with the burst of whistling air coming from the North and the dwindling heat came an emotional

struggle that Tegan battled in the silence of her own mind. With the bustle of upcoming holidays was

an emotional upheaval that left Tegan's heart empty and squeezed, memories of screaming cries

tangling with the goose bumps that had risen on her skin that day. She could block out these feelings

of hatred and bubbling wrath in the summer, when she was reminded of the mending smile on her

mother's face when the sun touched their skin months after her father disappeared. In the winter,

she was filled to the brim with a dark loathing that scared her. But, even while she was cowering at

the dark eyes of her detestation, she was motivated. She was half her father no matter how much

she denied his qualities and the passing down of his strong jaw. She reveled in the much larger,

more prevalent part of her, the brighter side that she was proud to have: her mother.

It was terrifying to sit in her thoughts and realize Sara had met the worst part of Tegan in the

mansion, the side her father occupied. The act of giving up, running away, not allowing genuine

feelings and sincerity to enter a mind that was full of negative energy and something so terrible that

lacked the ability or desire to love… Sara had seen the worst of Tegan long ago. She had seen the

corruption of her father.

It was in the winter that Tegan worried the most that she would become just like him. He had run

away, and despite the lack of evidence, he was her father at the end of the day. What if she ran

away too?

She knew that deep, deep down she had long ago found the reason of why she strived for love and a

relationship. She knew why she held love on a pedestal and craved that soft touch that meant she

owned the heart of another. She knew why she couldn't be alone. She knew why the fizzling

destruction of her relationship with Theresa had burned her with such harsh scars.

But that was not something she wanted to be reminded of right now; it wasn't something she

needed to think about and grow upset about now. Not when she when she was witnessing someone

try so fucking hard to detach from a loveless path for her – Sara was trying and stepping out of her

comfort for Tegan. Maybe no one else knew, and maybe Tegan would never speak up, but she was

trying too. She was scared too – far more than she would ever let on – and winter reinforced why.

But it had been the summer when she had allowed her father inside. She had allowed the darkest

demon she had been denying access to for so long in the time that was filled with hope and

resurrection. She had run away from her feelings, hurt the person she loved, and walked away from

the opportunity of more out of fear.

So what did that mean? Would this winter turn a new leaf? Would her life be flipped around, the

cold bringing bright acceptance and happiness into her heart? Or would the cold cruelty her father

lurked live throughout every month of the year, regardless of time?

No matter what happened, she would not hurt Sara again. That was one thing she was sure of.

Because if Sara could try with such genuine fright of what it could become, so could Tegan. She

wouldn't hurt Sara and she wouldn't hurt herself the way she had this summer. She would choose

the happiness her father had been far too fucking stupid and heartless to achieve. Even if it crashed

and destroyed her, she was willing to try what her father had not.

She just worried that despite her strive for what he didn't have, it would end in an inevitable crash

and burn.

Coming home made Tegan sigh. The scent coated her chest and massaged some of the tension from

her thoughts that built so many emotions inside of her – that unexplainable scent of home, a mix of

laundry detergent and something weirdly soft. Like the whoosh of air between spread fingers, it

filled her nostrils and expanded in her chest.

Her squeaking boots wedged off her ankles to rest in a dripping huddle by the door as her keys

clinked together on the table. The soft sound of the television was the only noise next to the taming

rain as she padded wet-socked feet and shoved off her hood to check that the material of her red

beanie was still dry.

The living room was cast in gentle light and the flashing colors of a rather pixelated movie. The room

looked empty at first glance until the television brightened in a flash and Tegan caught sight of the

small body curled beneath one of the blankets. Sara's eyes were riveted on the screen, her brows

pulled in interest as colors flashed over her face. She was lying on her side, the blanket pulled all the

way up to her chin, but Tegan could see her small toes poking out of the thick throw. Her heart

inflated as she watched them wriggle absentmindedly as Sara's fringe began to slip down the swell

of her cheek.

"Hey." Tegan greeted softly. Her voice was rough in her throat as if she had been screaming through

a sore patch and scratched it into a scab.

Hazel eyes were imploring to her gaze. Sara moved slowly and carefully as her eyes stayed steady on

Tegan's face, the throw pooling in her lap to expose her knitted white sweater. The shifting light of

the television blinked over Sara's face, which scrunched in a search over Tegan's bitten piercing and

lowering eyes.

A thin hand breached the blanket. It looked unbelievably pale under the blue of the sky as it

beckoned Tegan forward, the fingers curled into a palm that looked inviting and gentle. And with the

knowledge of how correct her presumptions were, Tegan's hand gratefully grabbed the offered

fingers as she sat at Sara's feet.

The short distance between them slipped into nonexistence as Sara inched carefully forward until

her knees met the side of Tegan's thigh. She seeped warmth into Tegan's rain heavy hoodie, but her

eyes were like two tiny fires; blazing, they peered so deeply into Tegan's own pair that she

wondered if Sara secretly carried the ability to read minds.

Tegan sat in silence. She allowed Sara in and kept her eyes open. She wasn't hiding, but also was not

speaking up to voice her concerns. It was a selfish desire to stay silent while also begging to be

comforted. Her head felt bloated and cloudy, akin to the dazed feeling of the flu. But it was not her

body that ached, it was her mind. It was too full with worries and questions – all she wanted was for

Sara to ease the pressure in her brain and make her feel better; more herself. And Sara, as if she had

grown up in an atmosphere of emotion, blinked in near understanding as she raised their clasped

hands to her face.

Full lips brushed the skin above Tegan's knuckles in a light kiss. "Good afternoon, darling." She

whispered. She was like a gentleman in an old film, tipping his hat to a beautiful woman wearing a

long and flowing white dress, her skin protected from the bright sun by a twirling umbrella. And if

Tegan were in a different mood, she might wave a hand over her heated face like a makeshift fan

and erupt in a teasing giggle. But instead, a pounding heart swelled and shoved through the line of

her chest to find a strangling salvation in her windpipe. She stared soundlessly at Sara, her lips

pouted and her eyes wide. Her throat was expanding as if preparing for tears. Just the thought of

crying made her eyes sting.

"You are utterly drenched." Sara's free fingers grasped her hoodie, wringing out droplets of cold

water into her palm. Her lips twisted in disapproval and she stood, her hand lightly tugging Tegan

until she was on her feet too. "Come with me."

Tegan followed her with shuffling feet. Her skin was not full, but her body was heavy. Her turmoil

was a disjointed jumble behind empty eyes, knotting into one concern that looped into another

worry until her brain was a bad weaving of frayed string. She sat at the end of their bed as she

watched Sara shuffle through their closet. Her skin felt so cold and pruned under wet clothes that it

rushed a shiver down her spine.

Sara came back with a thick red sweater, decorated in an abstract art that had captured Tegan's eye

nearly a year ago in a random store at the mall. "We must get your out of these wet clothes." She

advised gently. Tegan craned her neck back an inch to peer up at her. She wanted to reply – to agree

and ease the tension in Sara's brows – but her mouth remained unmoved.

Her lack of affirmation did not seem to bother Sara, however. She took Tegan's beanie off first and

rested it to lie on the bed before lightly pushing through thick, wayward curls. Tegan's eyes slid

closed at the sensation of her fingers caressing through soft strands and nails dragging over her scalp.

Her head lulled on her neck, tipping forward with a sigh as Sara very gently brushed through her hair.

It was a comforting gesture that reminded Tegan of her own hesitant touch to the back of her

mother's head when she used to fall asleep on the couch after a long day of work. She could

remember, quite vividly, how much she had looked up to her overworked mother as she gently

placed a blanket over her sleeping form before tiptoeing to her own room.

Sara dropped to her knees without the creak of bones. The dark sky flashed with lightning as Sara

caught the zipper of Tegan's hoodie and tugged it down. The metal teeth groaned in near secession

to the fading thunder, and with Sara now at level with her, Tegan admired the way her fringe curled

across her forehead and flipped beneath the angle of her jaw.

The zipper unhooked, Sara's eyes scanned up her body to meet her gaze as she pushed the wet

material from Tegan's shoulders to hook around her wrists. Sympathy and worry were tight around

her eyes. Tegan moved limbs that felt like thousands of pounds to free her hands and Sara plucked

the hoodie to lie at her feet.

Tegan felt her body tighten with chill now that her skin was exposed, only a thin sports bra covering

her torso. Sara touched the material of the stretchy fabric, her fingertips coming back damp.

Her bra met the floor after being folded in half, resting on her discarded hoodie. Her body had the

appearance of a frozen statue; pale from the cold and taut, it was tinted with the touch of biting air

that threatened to crawl into her immune system and corrupt her health. She sniffed and held her

arms out obediently as Sara slipped the warm, dry sweater over her head. The inside had fuzzy lining,

tickling her skin that begged for heat.

The button of her darkened jeans popped open and the zipper was tugged down as Tegan lifted her

bum from the mattress as Sara gracefully glided the material down her legs to free her limbs from

the uncomfortable press of wet denim. The dirty laundry was folded before her wet socks met the

pile, her pruned toes wiggling in search for blood. Sara's hand touched her cheek, not helping her

body's search for warmth, but Tegan was far from complaining as she nuzzled her face into the soft

palm touching her so sweetly. Sara's eyes searched over Tegan pressed lips and voided eyes,

concern drifting through her unmasked gaze.

"Is that better?" She questioned in a whisper, as if afraid to break their silence.

Tegan hesitated, her neck muscles spasming, and then nodded very shortly. Her hand met the back

of Sara's as she loosely looped around her fingers. She shuffled backwards on the bed and pulled her

bare legs onto the mattress, lightly asking Sara to follow her lead.

Sara allowed herself to be guided onto the bed.

The room was bathed in soft blues and their eyes were connected in a line of gentle understanding

and hesitant unrest. Sara's fingers were as cold as the unusual weather of August, but unlike the

outdoors, it wrapped Tegan in soft care. Her head was level with her pillows as she lay back, silently

asking Sara to do the same with her eyes through a particularly insane curl in her fringe. She could

not ask to be held. She wasn't ashamed – no, of course not. She had been raised to be forthright and

honest about what she needed, and she did so without much thought. But she felt shy under her

rarely seen distress. No one really got to see this side of her; the side of her she kept hidden while

she outwardly smiled while her mind swam.

But she wanted to break away from that. She wanted to start fresh with Sara. She wanted her to see

that despite how strong she liked to be, sometimes she just needed to be taken care of. The

comforter needed to be comforted no matter how few and far in between those moments of

weakness occurred. She had hidden this side of herself from too many lovers in the past and she had

seen the destruction it terrorized in their lives as consequence. The last thing she wanted was for the

same to happen with Sara because, god fucking damn it, she meant too much to Tegan for her to

drift away from being shut out.

Tegan was not often mousy, but as she inched forward to rest her head on Sara's chest, her cheeks

were blazing. And with the sense and care only a lover can provide, Sara's arms wrapped around

Tegan's body without a word. A kiss was placed to the top of her head, pressing through hair to

meet her scalp and running warmth down her veins.

A sigh passed between their silence. Tegan was pretty sure it came from her own lungs. The rain

splashed their window, the droplets trickling down the glass as slowly as Sara's hand ran up and

down Tegan's back. The cool radiation of her fingers was as soothing as the warmth of her chest

beneath Tegan's cheek. Her scent was gentle under Tegan's nose, buried in the knitting of her

sweater as a light puff of expensive cologne that Tegan would be able to spot in the most crowded

of rooms.

"It is odd…" Tegan blinked to the sound of Sara's voice as it rumbled under her temple. "The few

days you have allowed me to see more of you are always dark with storms. It is as if your name has a

direct correlation to the weather and your moods are linked to the sky. And though there is nothing I

want less than for you to be upset… I must admit that I rejoice in the moments you drop your guard

and remind me that you are far more than your laughter and jokes. I hold those things with such

regard, but I enjoy seeing other sides of you." Tegan clung to those words like the poetry she had

dipped into for a short phase in high school. They struck at her chest as hard as lines constructed in

the most artful analogy, and suddenly she really did want to cry. She was moved like nothing else by

Sara's words as the vibrated in her ear. "I feel as if I would do anything for your happiness, Tegan

Rain. The saddest passing of a day would be one without your smile."

Tegan gulped. She wished she could flash a brilliant smile Sara's way to appease that whisper, but

her lips were weighed down. She wasn't even sad, not really. She was only scared… of everything.

The strong connection she had with Sara was terrifying, the future made her tremble, Sara's fear to

love made her weep, her own worries of how she could ruin everything made her weak. She was

scared, yes – but she was not sad.

She raised her head and craned to look Sara in the eye. Gorgeous hazel irises were shying behind

wide pupils, painted in golden flecks and a bold line of black holding in explosions of green. She

shifted to rest their foreheads together so that everything became a blur but those tender eyes. "I

love you." She whispered because she did and it needed to be said and heard. She lowered her

mouth to cradle Sara's bottom lip because she could not bear to hear the silence in response.

They kissed by barely moving their lips, speaking without words. Sara sucked Tegan's upper lip so

lightly and long as she weaved her fingers through her hair. The tip of her tongue touched Tegan's lip,

softly tracing the soft pout before catching her lower lip and giving it just as much attention. Tegan's

heart was thudding and throbbing as a boom of angry thunder shook above them.

They parted with a linger brush of lips. Sara's fingertips caressed the nape of Tegan's neck as their

eyes opened; searched.

Tegan shifted to keep her weight on elbows and the bed groaned at her puncturing bones as she

leaned down. Sara met her halfway, holding the back of her head in place as if Tegan was thinking of

going anywhere else. Their lips smacked as mouths opened to invite the deepening of tongues. Sara

tasted sweeter than usual today, as if she had indulged in a moist cupcake filled with cream cheese

and layered with thick frosting, and Tegan could not get enough. She moaned into Sara's mouth as

her jaw was brushed with a feather light touch. Her hands clutched the pillow in wimpy fists as she

shifted to lie more firmly against Sara's body, inviting with curves and dips. Their hips settled

together and their legs tangled as the breathing in the room grew shorter and louder, hot puffs

smacking the skin of cheeks as the wet sounds of their kiss grew desperate.

The heat that had evaded Tegan on her way home filled her skin with sizzling blood, burning under

her cheeks and swelling between her thighs. Her hands moved to clutch the bedding above Sara's

head, locking the softly panting woman beneath her with pressing hips.

The emotions between them were unpredictable and intense – another thing that frightened her.

She never knew what was coming next. One moment all Tegan wanted was to curl up to Sara's side

and listen to her heart beat and then next she wanted to hear her moans. And maybe they would fall

into chaste pecks and quiet conversation in a minute, but right now Tegan wanted Sara. And she

knew her girlfriend felt the same. The arch of Sara's back was anything but accidental as she pressed

their breasts together and shifted her legs so smooth thighs locked. Her hands drifted from Tegan's

head to slip hesitantly beneath her sweater, afraid that the rain was still affecting her body. The cold

palm made her hiss, but her body was adapted to the icy touch and instead of flinching away, she

arched into it. Her fiery skin was cooled as Sara drifted up the dip of her back to run up the line of

her spine.

Tegan pressed kisses across Sara's jawline, her core jerking with desire as Sara arched her neck back

in a quiet plea to be kissed there. She couldn't deny her and was quick to press warm lips against the

soft spot beneath the curve of her jaw, tracing the rising goose bumps with her tongue. The skin was

thin and hot there, and Tegan could feel the flutter of Sara's pulse as she sucked very gently at the

sensitive patch of skin. She felt the whimper in Sara's throat before it was whispered in the air,

tickling against her lips and she peered up as her lips worked over velvety skin. Sara's cheeks had

erupted in a familiar pink hue as she breathed heavily beneath her, eyes slid shut and bottom lip

caught between her teeth. The sight made Tegan envious, her own teeth begging to sink into the full

flesh. She carried back up Sara's neck, making small detours up a straining tendon and stopping to

nip gently at her unpierced earlobe. But then Sara turned her head to face her and Tegan's breathing

stopped. Even the look in Sara's eyes terrified her, no matter how much she wanted to see it. No

one had ever looked at her so sweetly – there was a care there that women who had claimed to love

her back did not have – and maybe it was due to years of being repressed that when Sara was finally

able to feel, she felt so completely. Tegan didn't know. But what she did understand that the fragility

in Sara's eyes was important, and that the fear that zipped through her body made adrenaline of

thrill pump through her heart. That was important too.

As if made from glass, she was carefully rolled over so her back met the mattress and Sara was

loitering above her. The weight of Sara's body was settled between her legs as Tegan wrapped her

thighs around her waist to tug her closer; the pressure between their pelvises soared in her gut.

Fingers combed her fallen fringe away from her eyes and trailed down the curving bend of her ear

caused from odd positioning in the womb; like Sara's hands, her birth was marked with flaw.

"I wish to take care of you, Tegan Rain. More than anything, that is what I desire." Sara said so softly

the thunder almost silenced her. Her hands drifted to the waistband of Tegan's boy shorts, but the

meaning of her words far surpassed a physical helping hand. There was a promise in her words to

carry all of Tegan's weight – the good and the bad. She heard it loud and clear and her heart panged.

How was it that someone who had never been taken care of wanted to do so for Tegan? "I have

never felt such a desire to mend and support another person the way I do now. It is… frightening to

be concerned of another's well-being and happiness as much as I worry for myself, but I do."

Tegan's hand touched Sara's cheek. It was warm and unbelievably soft under her palm and lodged

something tight in her throat. "I want to take care of you too, Sara." Her voice was hoarse.

The green in Sara's eyes were swirling pools in front of golden rays, making Tegan think of peeking

through swaying leaves in the wind to catch glimpses of the sun. Even on the coldest of days, she

would be able to see the summer. "You do, Tegan Rain."

Their lips stitched together as promises painted meaning in the darkness of the room. The rain

outside picked up a second wind, roaring through vicious thunder that crashed through strings of

lightning outside the window as if the world would soon be ending. And Tegan's heart was running

just as crazed through her chest, rushing through palpitations of rapid heartbeats. It tried to escape

the cave of her skin and bones, announcing rebellion for the tight clutch inside a fluttering muscle.

Her sweater lifted to rest in a bunch at her collarbones and gelid hands ran down the contracting

muscles of her stomach, shallowing her breath and erupting butterflies in her gut. Short nails

scratched along her sides just deep enough to make her gasp a heated moan and form a bow in her

back before those fingers hooked inside underwear to slip them down her legs. She flicked the

garment off her ankle with closed eyes when her waist was free of them and spread her thighs so

Sara could settle between them.

Sara's lips left hers to lightly press against the underside of her chin, hot and slightly damp. Tegan's

clammy fingers wracked through Sara's combed hair with a gulp at recycled air as her eyes fell shut

and her neck craned back. The brush of full lips down her throat made her gulp. Like a tickle, it

erupted bursts under her skin and made her squirm – but instead of jerking away, her body angled

and pushed, forcing them to touch more firmly and daring Sara to try and escape the snarl of

Tegan's fingers in her hair.

Sara did not seem to be considering slithering away as she worked her body to stay placed inside the

home of Tegan's thighs as her lips lowered further down pale skin that cried out for her. Every press

of open lips made Tegan suck air through her teeth as they ventured between her breasts and

caressed the faint line of her abdominal muscles. A soft tongue rolled around her bellybutton,

stalling her breathing as it whimpered out of her lungs and her hips craned upwards in a force of the

heat.

Sara's hands pointedly pushed her bones back into the mattress as her body heat disappeared and

she leaned on her knees above Tegan. Her thumbs rubbed over Tegan's jutted hipbones and it felt

like a coax to open her eyes, so Tegan did as if forced under a spell. The grumble of rain smacked the

window and dusted Sara in dim light, but her eyes were shining. She ran her palms slowly up the dip

of Tegan's curved sides, the goose bumps like braille under the pads of her fingers to spell out words

of craving. Tegan was an addict with a thirst that could not be quenched; she always wanted more.

Silken fingertips counted the arc of her ribcage and followed the plump curve of her breasts, just

barely brushing across the sides. Tegan felt her nipples harden and it made her flush, as if her body's

reaction was indecent in this moment that meant far more than sex. But Sara's hand covered the

bud of nerves to knead full flesh very gently, making Tegan bite her labret as thumbs circled over

tight, pink skin and forced a husky moan from her fallen lips. Sara's hands remained for only a

moment before smoothing back down her stomach, meeting her hips and the fronts of her thighs to

lightly part them until Tegan was open to Sara's content. Her feet laid flat on the bed, her knees bent

and suspended with a quiver.

The woman above her lowered until her face was at level with Tegan's wet core. Their eyes met as

she released a soft breath of anticipation to the puff of air teasing her folds, and her heart twisted

and clenched at the soft penetration of Sara's gaze. Her girlfriend's cheeks presented her own

excitement through a pink stain, her fringe curling over her eyes as she sucked in a deep breath

through her nose. Her eyes dropped to her center, taking her in like she had the first time. But this

felt so much different, so much better, than the first time. Their bond was strengthened and their

words unrestrained. This was so much more than Tegan ever thought it could – or would – be.

"You are utterly mouthwatering." The private moan made Tegan's blush intensify. Sara's tongue

touched her slit, slowly moving from her entrance to the hood of her clit, and the noise that came

from Tegan's chest sounded like a growl. Sara pulled back and inch to lick her lips as if she had

indulged in her favorite wine, "And the way you taste causes my head to spin."

"Baby…" Tegan breathed. Her garbled mind wasn't sure if she was pleading or responding.

Not daring to look away, Sara's mouth opened to cover her entire center. The sweet relief of

capturing lips caused Tegan's jaw to drop. Her hands were beginning to shake as she dropped them

to find their place back in Sara's hair. She tugged Sara closer and felt a dipping tongue creep closer

to her clit in reward, the tip lightly flicking from side to side.

Tegan whispered a curse that was drowned by the flood outside. As her spine bent and her head dug

into the pillows, a cold sweat crept up the line of her hair to cling strands of her fringe to her

forehead. Her breath stuttered through expanding lungs. Sara's tongue was everywhere, dipping

beneath her hood and slipping through sopping folds with a pleased hum that shook Tegan's thighs.

Her mouth was scorching hot, but the sight of her working jaw was even hotter. Her cheekbones

were pronounced even more than usual as the sharp angle of her jaw flexed to her lapping licks at

the fluid dripping from Tegan's body. She could feel herself flooding into Sara's mouth as the dark

head between her thighs bobbed and sucking lips smacked.

Her breathing labored, Tegan struggled for a moment to lift herself onto one elbow. She kept her

other hand on the back of Sara's head as she bit her lip at the look in Sara's eyes. There was

something nearly devilish glinting in her adoring stare as she worshipped Tegan's clit with the flat of

her circling tongue. The corners of her lips crinkled and then Tegan felt, very softly, the scrape of

teeth over the pulsing nub.

A jolt jumped down Tegan's back. With a high-pitched squeak, she lifted her hips as two rows of

teeth nibbled her very delicately. Her head fell back to linger above the wings of her shoulder blades

and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. The sweater clinging beneath the pit of her arms

suddenly felt too hot, siphoning all the heat around her upper back and collarbones to erupt in fire.

Her brows went tight, raspy groans and whimpers falling from the 'O' shape her mouth had adapted.

Pressure was building too quickly, attacking her insides with traveling flames as her scent grew

heady in the air. Her hips began to jerk over Sara's face as heat coiled in her belly. Sara's lips cradled

her clit as her tongue flexed and rolled in shapes that Tegan were sure she had just created, finding

new turns of squares and extra curves in circles that no other human had yet to discover. She moved

her tongue in flips and abrupt lines that Tegan's brain could not keep up with. Her frame shuddered

and rocked as the pleasure steadily rose until she was gasping Sara's name and tugging her hair in

warning.

But only seconds before she could tip over the edge, Sara's lips left her buzzing center. It took a

moment for Tegan to connect the dots of what just happened. She paused in confusion as she dazed

mind slowly picked up that Sara's was no longer sucking her clit and that was so not okay. Eyes

opening, she lifted her head from where it had helplessly been swaying on the top of her spine and

peered down her body with an unhappy pout.

Sara nuzzled her thigh with the tip of her button nose. A soft giggle met Tegan's ears as Sara peeked

up at her through strands of hair, a roguish grin settled on puffy lips that glistened wetly under the

lightning. Try as she might, Tegan could not bite back the gummy smile that inched over her heated

cheeks and formed crinkles around her eyes. Her hand drifted from Sara's hair to cup her cheek as

she stuck her tongue out childishly. "Tease." She accused affectionately.

Sara giggled again, sweet and carefree in ways that was once so tense and nervous. Tegan drifted

her fingers over the hot skin of Sara's cheek to lightly poke the end of her nose. It widened Sara's

smile as Tegan dragged her thumb over the slight furrow between thin brows. She could feel the

gentleness of Sara's eyes in her chest; it lit sparks in her heart and made her swallow against the

swell of emotions brewing just beneath the surface.

Sara turned her head slightly to press a kiss to the curl of Tegan's palm, over the lines that marked

her print. Her smile grew slightly sharp around the edges. "Look at me as you climax." She whispered,

but the volume did not take away from the stern demand.

Her blood zipping while her body ached, Tegan sucked her piercing into her mouth and nodded

obediently. She brushed over Sara's cheekbone and curled into her hair again, guiding her back

between her legs without force.

Sara's lips kissed across her inner thigh, sparking heat as she grew closer to her destination. Teeth

dragged over thick skin as her eyes matched Tegan's in a locked stare; a playful war. The tip of her

tongue pressed against Tegan's thudding clit, aching so viciously from being so teasingly close to

exploding. A desperate whimper was trapped, but not quiet, behind her teeth. She kept Sara's eye

with heavy lids that threatened to clench shut. Forcing them to stay open grew difficult fast as Sara

was quick to regain her earlier pace with firm lips and a jerking head to tug and flick in all the right

places.

Tegan held her bottom lip between her teeth as her head lulled to rest her cheek on her shoulder as

her elbow began to shake in effort of keeping her weight up. Her bundled sweater slipped down the

angle of her body to wrinkle around her clenched stomach as she worked her hips so Sara's nose

was buried in the curls on her mound and the bed groaned vigorously. Extra heat trickled into her

cheeks at the passion in Sara's sinking stare, as if she were climbing into Tegan's mind as she shook

her head back and forth and rolled her tongue. It brought her closer faster, knowing Sara was

watching her eyes glaze over and seeing the buildup of every cry vibrating her throat. She could only

imagine how far away her stupefied eyes appeared as she was dragged to her peak with ruddy

cheeks and a dropped jaw. She wondered if Sara could see how raw and open her heart felt as it

skipped with her delayed breathing.

The moan in Tegan's throat was cut off as an abrupt gasp sucked air from her lungs.

Her eyes tightened with the urge to close as her lashes batted and her lids weighed down with

pleasure that curled her toes. She struggled to keep them open as she exploded in time with a

booming thunder so loud it rang in her ears. Her eyes were hazy and nearly blind as she zoned into

the depth of Sara's stare, her neck veins jumping and her mouth hanging open in awe. She felt more

exposed than ever with Sara looking back at her in this moment of pure vulnerability. Tiny whimpers

echoed in her breath while her body tensed to the shots of fluid that dribbled down Sara's chin as

she suckled Tegan's highly sensitive clit without breaking eye contact.

Her elbow gave in, dropping her weight so she collapsed backwards onto the bed. Her eyes fell shut

the moment they were ripped away from Sara's. The waves in her gut gradually eased and

shortened until all that was left was the beat of her heart in her core, heated and slowing. She threw

her arms over her head and sucked in a deep breath to calm her wringing nerves as the pleasure

faded and her fears rose over her like a thick blanket, that silent armor around her once more. A

floodgate was broken as it came back into her as if it had been waiting to come back to the surface;

like a snap of fingers it was there without a distraction.

She lay still as Sara cleaned her with an agile tongue until a soft smacking of lips signaled she was

perfected. A gentle kiss was placed on her clit that raised her hips against her will before she felt

those lips drift up the tense line of her stomach and heaving chest through her sweater. She ran her

fingers through her hair and kept her eyes closed as her throat tightened. A presence hovered above

her. Tenderly, lips pressed against her forehead. Tegan's heart felt too big as her lips twisted

together. Just as carefully, a kiss was placed to the tip of her nose and she sniffled; she could smell

herself on Sara's breath. Her chin quivered as water built behind her lids. Why was she crying? There

was no reason to. She sucked air between her clenched teeth, shaking as she pressed her knuckles

into her eyes and willed the tears away. Colors swirled under the press of her bones as her chest

became strangled and narrow.

"I know, Tegan Rain." Sara's sigh was so genuine, but Tegan didn't even know. How did Sara? "I

know. It's alright."

A sob fell from her mouth before she knew of its presence – comfort made her cry harder. Sara's

body lifted from the mattress and Tegan felt the shift of weight as she disappeared. She didn't dare

open her eyes, fearing she had scared Sara off by crying after sex for the millionth time. She pressed

her hands over her eyes as tears fell down her temples and dampened her hair, the sound of her

confusion and fear chocked in the roughest depth of her throat. God, she was so stupid – a stupid

fucking crybaby that allowed herself to get too wrapped up in emotions. She couldn't expect Sara to

sit through all of her outbursts. She didn't even want to sit through them. She wanted to be normal

and roll over to give her girlfriend an orgasm in return for her own, but her bones felt so heavy. She

felt so heavy.

The bed dipped with sudden weight. She didn't even flinch as cold hands touched her ankle. Her legs

were still wide open, exposing her cooling sex to the air and her legs still had a small tremble as her

foot was raised an inch. She could tell from the brush of material that Sara was tugging on a pair of

thin boxers and raised her bottom to aid the snap of a waistband on her hips.

With a wet sniff, she opened her flooding eyes. Sara shoved the blankets down and tucked Tegan in

like a mother did her child, pulling the warmth to her chin and slipping it beneath her bones to hug

her legs before crawling in beside her. Her eyes were as gentle as her touch, filled with compassion.

She held her arms open in invitation. Her white sweater looked soft and her body comforting; Tegan

could not deny the urge to scoot closer.

She wiped her nose with the sleeve of her own sweater and rested her head on Sara's chest. Sara's

arms wrapped around her waist as their legs tangled, lightly petting down her back with two

soothing hands. It squeezed new tears from her eyes. "'M sorry." She murmured, embarrassed. "I

don't mean to do this. I just get, like… overwhelmed by all this shit in my head and… I break down. I

hate this and I hate that I cry all the time. I'm sorry."

"Do not apologize," Sara replied, words brushing her hair with a puff of breath. "I am willing to

accept all parts of you. I wish to exercise these new impulses in my brain and search through your

feelings as well. Never apologize for what you feel… just allow me to be here for you when you do.

That is all I ask." She didn't ask for an explanation or bombard her with questions that would be

difficult to answer. She seemed to understand without a hint. Perhaps the fear she felt so deep in

her own chest made it easy to recognize the scare in Tegan's eyes.

Tegan nuzzled her cheek into Sara's chest with a sniffle. She closed her weighty lids and held in

Sara's scent as a hand combed through her hair, head rising and falling in a peaceful cycle of Sara's

even breathing. Sara was short and thin, her bones weak and voice shy, but being in her arms made

Tegan feel safe. It made her feel strong with security. When the surface beneath her feet

disappeared into nothing, she had something to fall back on. Sara was promising to be there for her,

unconditionally, and that was something she had never had in a romantic relationship before. It

made her feel intense; frightened, even.

A slightly wobbly smile broke through her tears. "I will." she promised.


	31. Precious and Lonely

The apartment was buzzing with energy the moment Tegan dropped her keys onto the table. Her

ears perked to the sound of male laughter coming from the living room as she kicked off her boots

and, as an afterthought, considerately shoved them to the corner. She could still hear Sara's gentle

voice a few days ago, subtle frustration bordering on angry as she informed Tegan that she had

nearly tripped over her boots multiple times in the past week from her unmannerly discarding of

shoes. The last thing she wanted was a pissed off girlfriend with a black eye from nicking the corner

of the table due to her own absentmindedness.

Sighing, she rustled her hair and rolled her shoulders. She was tired, but based on the familiar

laughter of childhood friends, she was fairly sure she wasn't going to be slipping in for a quick cat

nap before Sara came home like she had been fantasizing of doing since waking up this morning. Her

bed was calling out to her, but so was Jeremy – her old friend's head was popping around the corner,

his beam bright as his eyebrow piercing caught the light to his waggling brows. Tegan could still

remember the day he got it – the same day she adorned the ball under her lip.

"Tee!" A hand rounded the corner, beckoning her forward. "We were just talking about you."

Tegan shuffled over the carpet, her lopsided smile teasing, "Even when I'm not around, I'm the

center of attention?"

"Oh, watch your head there, Tegan. The hallway is a little narrow, you might not be able to fit it

through there." Jeremy quipped, to which Tegan tossed said head back with a bark of laughter.

Jeremy cracked a responding grin, "We were just talking about how none of us have really seen you

lately. You went off to that job for fucking ever and then you come back and we only get to see you,

what? Five hours before you disappear off with Hottie Hot-Hot?"

An apology was ready on Tegan's tongue as she cringed and sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck.

She hadn't been paying enough attention to her friends; she could own up to that. She had come

back home from Sara's mansion distracted, wrapped up in Sara and then she made a running leap

into school. She had jumped over the heads of her loved ones in the process and that wasn't

something she necessarily proud of that.

The living room was alive. Tegan couldn't help but compare the way the ceiling fan zoomed and the

lights shone over the beaming, teasing faces directed her way to the way the dark blue cast of the

television had blinked over Sara's expressionless face yesterday. She couldn't help but paint the

memory of Sara's singular frame resting on the couch now filled with friends, heart panging. Sara

was always so alone; so lonely. When she wasn't with Tegan, she was by herself with only her

thoughts to keep her company. Yet, she never complained – she never muttered bitter feelings of

being too frequently by herself. Tegan always assumed she liked it that way – or was at least

accustomed to it – but that didn't make her feel any less shitty about allowing Sara to sit with

nothing but a book more often than another human.

Or maybe she was just being controlling again. Perhaps she was still trying to force Sara out of her

comfort zone instead of going with the flow of Sara's new and personally decided adventures. It was

difficult to differentiate between her worries of gently persuading Sara into a less stifling life of what

she thought she would live and pushing her into uncomfortable situations.

But then again, maybe she was being unfair to her friends yet again, distracting herself with Sara

even when she wasn't here and they were. Her brain hadn't found the pause button on the endless

run of thoughts containing, filled, or wrapped in Sara since the day they met.

She sighed and opened her mouth, the word sorry curled over the tip of her tongue.

"Yeah!" LB interjected before she could apologize. Lounged under Ted's arm with a Coke dangling

from one hand and her feet resting in Sarah's lap, she looked as comfortable as she would at her

own home – as if it hadn't been months since she had rested in this apartment that was most

definitely not hers. "The only way I know you're still alive and kicking is from good ol' Emy over here

assuring me you're totally still breathing."

From her spot resting on the floor against the couch, Emy shot Tegan a rather condescending grin

with heavy dimples in her cheeks and her teeth seeming sharper than usual. Tegan rolled her eyes.

"It's true, you know." Sarah piped up, fingers roaming over the cotton purple of Lindsey's socks. Her

face was pushed up against the back of the couch so she could look Tegan in the eye behind glasses

sitting askew on her nose. It looked highly uncomfortable. "We don't get to see you much now that

you're getting laid on the regular."

Tegan could almost feel the way that turned the wheels in the minds of her friends who still loitered

in the dark. Like a cracked whip smacking the air, Ted's eyebrows quirked behind disheveled brunet

locks. Jeremy's eyes squinted with thought. Lindsey's gaze grew accusing as her mouth worked to

silent words.

Tegan's cringe renewed with an extra wince in her twitching mouth.

Brown eyes met her squinting face under unkempt hair as Ted cocked his head to the side. He

suddenly looked far more interested in the conversation as he asked with a gentle tone that was

completely opposite to his girlfriend's bombarding inquisition, "You are?"

Tegan ducked her head and shrugged a casual shoulder. "I'm–"

"Of course you are." Jeremy gave a slow, assured nod. The puzzle pieces were clicking together.

"You're sleeping with Sara. Not Emy's Sarah, but the other one. Right? It makes sense. I mean, we all

saw you dancing with her at the party… and you don't dance with someone like that unless you're

seeing them naked."

The heat in Tegan's cheeks trickled down her neck and intensified as she hunched her shoulders in

embarrassment. No one was supposed to remember that night; she couldn't, so they weren't

allowed to either.

Ted's eyes were like melted chocolate, warmed into a soft swirl as a smile brightened his pink cheeks.

"You're with Sara, Tegan? I think that's great, she was so nice at the party."

A pleased grin curled over Tegan's lips.

"Wait." Lindsey sat up a little, pressing her elbow into Ted's chest for leverage, to which he grunted

and shoved her arm down to the slightly more cushioned spot on his stomach. "You're with her?

Like… you're together? You're not just, like, banging?"

"Jesus, LB!" Tegan sat heavily on the arm of the chair beside Sarah's craning neck and ran a hand

through her hair.

"Oh, sorry. Does the word banging take away from the slow beauty in fucking her? Should I say you

guys are making sweet and gentle love instead?" Lindsey's grin was striking and teasing, dancing

devilishly in her eyes. Ted tsked disapprovingly at his girlfriend.

Tegan glowered at her under the slit of her eyes, hoping the daggers in her gaze struck Lindsey right

in her morals. She resisted the urge to reach over Sarah and slap her smirking friend over the head.

"Yeah, you should. You should say that because that's exactly what we're doing." The fumes in her

ears dissipated as she faltered. She looked down at her lap and pursed her lips as her fingers traced

the thin denim of her black jeans. "I mean, I am. I'm doing that. I think she is… but it's kind of fuzzy

sometimes." She frowned as Lindsey raised a brow. She waved a dismissive hand, "Whatever, it

doesn't matter. To answer your question…Yes. We're together. Sara's my girlfriend and we do have

sex a lot. Now can we drop it and talk about something else? Please?"

"Yeah, let's change the subject to the fact that you're neglecting me." Lindsey's bottom lip jutted out

and just like that, Tegan's annoyance evaporated.

She sighed and rested heavily against the couch, her arm looping over the back of the couch to poke

Sarah's head. "I'm sorry." She murmured sincerely. "I've been… wrapped up–"

"Between Sara's legs." Emy offered helpfully from the floor.

Ted snickered as Jeremy reached down to slap a high-five to Emy's hand and Sarah threw her head

back at her girlfriend's quick wit. Tegan wasn't about to be embarrassed about having a myriad of

sex with a beautiful woman. "Exactly." She nodded with a smug smirk. "Between that and school,

I've been busy. But I am sorry. So catch me up! Fill me in, what's going on? You know what's going

on with me now… so what about you guys?"

It was nice to chat with her friends again for a while. The easy flow between conversations and

friendly mocking made her grin as she teased them without a care and rebuffed their own with a

loud laugh. She spent two hours balanced on the arm of the couch, listening to LB gossip about men

and women Tegan had never met and chuckling as Ted admonished her for rude name calling.

Sarah's platonic hand was rested on her knee as they talked back and forth together in a rush of

mashed words and unfinished sentences. Jeremy and Emy cackled over the conversations with quick

comments that made Tegan roll her eyes.

The day was beginning to fade into the night, the light outside dimming in a sweep over the room in

a drifting trickle of time. Sara should be home soon with sleepy eyes and warm kisses; Tegan's heart

began to flutter in anticipation as the clock ticked closer to the end of her shift. Her foot began to

jiggle restlessly above the floor as she fantasized of curling under the sheets against a soft body to

sleep. Her eyes blinked in exhaustion as she yearned for the fuzzy in-and-out of consciousness mere

moments before drifting into dreams – it was those moments where Sara's body felt the warmest,

her presence the most cozy, her heart the most peaceful.

Lindsey's rambling voice was growing distant in Tegan's buzzing ears. The presence of unusual

guests in her home was filled with responsibility. She had always felt that, even as an eager child

inviting her friends over an exciting sleepover of movie watching and running around the quiet halls

of her mother's house at the darkest point in the night. It always felt filled with expectations, and

that was exhausting. She enjoyed company; she thrived on it. She loved to talk and laugh with those

closest to her, but the need to converse only lasted a short time before her interest waned and she

grew desperate for the air in the house to return to its normality. It was the curse of introversion,

but being completely beat from a long day of school was not helping.

With a stifled yawn, Tegan stood. "I'm going to get a drink." She announced, interrupting Lindsey's

story for only a second before her friend's returned their eyes back to the bottle blonde.

The burst of cold air retained inside the fridge slipped under the thin t-shirt she wore, touching her

skin as the short hairs rose on her arms. She cocked her head and scoured the condiments inside,

the shelves sparse and the jars half filled, purple jelly clinging to the glass bottles in a false

appearance of being full. She made a mental note that they needed to go grocery shopping, sticking

the post-it note to the forefront of her brain as she grabbed a soda in hopes that the fizzy

carbonation would do wonders for the lethargic course of her sluggish blood.

Her hand curled around the refrigerator door, but as she moved to close it, her heart stuttered in

surprise as a touch was landed on her hip. The familiarity of the icy curl around her prominent bone

kept her from squealing in surprise as her body reacted to the soft graze of fingers over her shirt

with the tightening of goose bumped skin and a pausing heart.

Hot lips pressed against her shoulder blade, curling a grin over her face. She felt the soft smack of

plush lips through her top, making her grip on the can grow the slightest bit tighter. "Hello, beautiful."

The quiet greeting brushed over her neck, the endearment warmer than the hello.

Tegan let the door shut, the soft grasp of suction echoing behind her as she turned on her heels to

face Sara. Her girlfriend looked as tired as Tegan felt, her hair falling over her eyes in stringy waves

and her eyes brimmed with thoughts of their bed. Her polo looked slightly stretched out, as if her

nervous fingers had been tugging at the material throughout the entire day until her name tag was

tilted and the collar slipped down one shoulder. But her smile was lovely, slightly lopsided and

gentle as she was greeted with a toothy beam.

"Hey, you." Tegan's voice was hushed, as if she were afraid to let her friends know of Sara's

presence. Maybe she was being selfish, keeping the brunette to herself for just a moment before

allowing them both out into public. She dropped her free hand to tangle the fingers enclosed around

her hip, holding their hands to her stomach as she felt the temperature in her palm decrease with

the contact.

Like the softening of the baked goods Tegan had been creating all day at school, Sara's smile

sweetened with warmth as her thumb caressed Tegan's knuckle. Her eyes flitted to Tegan's lips as

she caught her own bottom lip with light pressure between her teeth. On instinct, Tegan rubbed her

lips together as if in anticipation before wetting the plump bottom one, reddening the flesh and

allowing it to glisten under the lights. She expected to be thoroughly kissed and prepared herself for

the skipping of her heart, but Sara's eyes toggled between her eyes and lips with a still body.

Disappointed, but unsurprised by Sara's lack of acting on her clear desires, Tegan resigned herself to

be kissless. She was not going to be an enabler to Sara's obvious dismissal of her needs, no matter

how much she wanted to be. She swung their hands very slightly in the air between their bodies.

"How was–"

Her question was swallowed in its rise of her throat when the space between her moving lips and

Sara's unmoved pair disappeared. Her lips curled as Sara molded their smiles and coaxed Tegan back

with a light shove of their joined hands until her back met the cold surface of the refrigerator. The

bravery in the force of her shove created a husky moan to replace the last few words of Tegan's

interrupted question as Sara's soft front melted against hers. As if in perfect synch, their hands

clutched the slightest bit tighter at the contact. Just knowing Sara felt the same course of heat in her

body when their chests met made Tegan's stomach erupt in intense flutters

Polite as ever, Sara asked for unnecessary permission into her mouth with a drag of her hot tongue

over Tegan's lips very slowly. She traced the seam of Tegan's lips and flicked the lines of her smile at

the corner of her mouth before Tegan gave in and invited her inside, parting her lips as their hands

untangled. Sara's fingers snarled into Tegan's outgrown locks, twisting through the unmanaged

waves as Tegan clutched Sara's hip to tug her closer.

There was nothing hurried in their kiss, lips smacking softly as Emy laughed in the distance to

something that fell deaf on Tegan's ears as her bones melted into goo and Sara held her up with one

hand at her waist. Her other hand pulled Tegan's hair, forcing her to cock her head to one side with

an appreciative moan as a burn developed under her scalp. Sara's lips twitched as Tegan's pleasure

vibrated through her mouth.

Her tongue retreated back to her own mouth, but Sara kept their lips sewn together while she

sucked Tegan's bottom lip. Her breath was hot and slightly uneven against Tegan's cheek as she

soothed the burn of Tegan's pulled hair with a gentle tousle before carefully inching away with a

lingering pull to her lip.

Tegan's eyes opened, heavy and dazed. It was insane what a small kiss could do to her. "– your day?"

She finished her earlier question breathlessly.

Sara ducked her head with quiet giggles as flames built under her cheeks. "Quite adequate. There

was not one incident of surprising shouting from angry customers, so I would call the day successful."

She answered, eyes drifting to the kitchen entrance at the sound of Lindsey's laughter. Her brows

quirked. "Oh, I did not realize others were present."

"It's just Ted, LB, Jeremy, and Sarah." Tegan lifted a hand to brush Sara's fringe from her eyes. "You

remember them all, right?"

"Yes," Sara gave a slow nod, her eyes distracted with thoughts. "I am relieved no one happened to

stumble in only moments ago. I… simply become an insatiable tween when in your presence."

Tegan's lips tugged smugly, causing Sara to release another giggle. She bit her smile, brows knitting.

"Shall I go to our room and read while you sit with your friends?"

Tegan's smile dropped into a frown as she grabbed Sara's wrist as if she were making a break for it.

"No. Why would you do that? Stay. Come… come hang out with us."

"But I am not dressed properly and I am sure to appear rather unsophisticatedly rugged–"

"Stay." Tegan gave a stern, playful glower as she wagged her pointer finger in Sara's face. "No one

cares about what you're wearing or that you've got sleepy work eyes, babe. It's okay. Will you just

come and sit with me?" Her bottom lip jutted out in an exaggerated pout.

Sara's resolve was slowly becoming destroyed and Tegan knew it as she batted her lashes. Sara

laughed, the noise a surrender. "You are simply ridiculous, but I suppose it would not hurt."

She was rewarded with a wide grin as Tegan grabbed her hand and rushed out to the living room.

Growing up, Tegan had constructed the idea of having a little sister with such yearning for a sibling

that she had created every facet of the other nonexistent offspring of her mother. She would be

hilariously witty, slightly quirky with her habits, and significantly shorter than Tegan herself was.

Unrealistically, they would never fight but instead sneak into each others room at night to snuggle

under the covers and whisper conversation that faded into murmurs as the sun rose. And later that

day, Tegan would defend her on the playground at school, standing in front of her when bullies

dared to speak an ill word her way with a protective instinct she imagined herself having very

strongly.

Sometimes, weirdly, Sara reminded her of the built-in, invisible little sister she had hammered into

reality inside her extensive imagination. It was probably a bit odd to think of her girlfriend as the

sibling she had always wanted, but she did not linger too long in that train of thought because it was

true; Sara was so much like her. She was sweet and funny, slightly odd from her development in a

different area, and maybe an inch shorter than Tegan – barely noticeable, but significant in Tegan's

eyes.

But most notably, she resembled the unnamed sister with how much Tegan felt the need to shield

and protect her. Subconsciously, Tegan had wrapped her arm around Sara's shoulders where they

were squished on the couch, her body angled just in front of her to act as a sort of personal body

guard. Who she was protecting her from, Tegan did not know. There was something about the

reserved – possibly meek? – dip of Sara's neck that lit this spark in her that she could not water

down.

This time, she did not force Sara into conversation. She sipped her drink and joked with her friends

with her hand tracing shapes into Sara's tight shoulder. She beamed when Sara did decide to speak

up on her own volition, quietly commenting on a movie she had recently become acquainted with

before retreating back into herself when a reference was made to a movie Sara could never have

seen, the quotes filled with laughter of inside jokes she wasn't a part of. Tegan thought to whisper

the meaning to every vague saying, but she was fairly sure it would do nothing to help Sara along the

way. Perhaps it would even make Sara resent her for coddling and that was the last thing she

wanted.

But thank god for Ted, Tegan kept thinking, as he lured Sara into conversation with genuine curiosity

of her life. And although Tegan could probably count the amount of times Sara had spoken up on her

fingers, she squeezed her shoulder in recognition of her silent pride every time she answered a

question with more than one word.

The moon breached the clouds as one-by-one, friends began to yawn and call it a night. Tegan

waved them off with the hand she had wrapped around Sara's shoulders. Emitting a soft heat, Sara

was making Tegan's slow blinks grow longer and heavier no matter how much soda she chugged. It

fizzled in her esophagus and tickled her belly until everyone was gone but Sarah, who disappeared in

Emy's room with a cheeky smirk sent Tegan's way.

She tried not think about the warning implications of that look, but the sound of the door meeting

the frame echoed past sounds of pleasure, roaring in her brain as she remembered shoving feathery

pillows so hard against her poor ears to quiet the noise unsuccessfully. She could only imagine the

smirking plans being whispered between the two women behind that closed door as they plotted

revenge for what Tegan had put Emy through over the past few months – squeaking beds, sex on the

couch (whether she knew about it or not), screaming at early hours…

Tegan gulped. If she thought hearing Emy drunkenly announce that she was going ride Sarah like a

horse a year ago, she could only imagine how much worse her best friend could make it after being

subjected to the booming echo of Tegan's euphoria. And poor Sara, who had never even witnessed

women kissing before moving in, would be stunned into bashful silence at the cry of her own name

falling from Emy's lips with cheeks as red as a cherry.

She had to distract them before things got too heated in Emy's room.

"Hey, sweetheart?" Her voice was hushed when it should be loud to drown out any potential noises,

but the sight of Sara's sleep-slackened face eased something gentle in her chest and softened her

husky voice. Glazed eyes turned to meet her small smile, forcing lips to twitch in response. "Do you

want to take a bath with me, maybe?" It sounded like a great idea to relax before bed.

She lowered her lips to the crook of Sara's neck, lightly kissing the sluggish pulse point and feeling

the heat of Sara's skin under her mouth.

Sara only made a soft noise of agreement in response as she was helped off the couch with Tegan's

tugging hand. Tegan rushed them past Emy's door so fast it would be impossible to catch any noise

before the bathroom door was shut and locked behind them. The silence of the bathroom left Sara

to rest against the opposite wall as Tegan twisting the knobs to find a comfortable warmth that

would relax their muscles. She sat on the edge of the tub, dropping her hand into the steady stream

every so often. The clear rush of liquid created a peaceful growl against the clean, white tub,

hypnotizing her as she watched droplets splash over the metal knobs.

When the temperature was just the right amount of hot, she dropped the stopper at the bottom of

the tub and turned to her girlfriend, who was staring at her with softness in her eyes that skipped

Tegan's heart. It created something amazingly excited in her gut to admit the truth of what that look

meant instead of making excuses as to why there were gentle stars in Sara's eyes when she looked

at Tegan this way, admiring the way she spread her legs a few inches apart and rested her elbows on

either knee.

Tegan grinned with her gums as her heart tried to calm. She nodded to the cabinet under the sink. "I

have bubbles, too, if you want. Emy made fun of me for days, saying it was super hetero to buy them,

but I was like… just because I'm into vagina doesn't mean I can't enjoy a good bubble bath every

once in a while. You know?"

Amusement heightened Sara's eyebrows up her forehead and slit her eyes as she laughed, her

shoulders shaking as she shook her head at Tegan with a grin; it did nothing to help Tegan's search

for a steady heartbeat. "How unsurprisingly blunt of you, Tegan Rain." She giggled fondly. "I would

actually enjoy bubbles quite thoroughly."

"Then let there be bubbles!" Tegan dropped to her knees in front of the sink and threw the cabinet

doors open with a low creak. She squinted through the darkness before releasing a low hum as she

spotted the clear bottle. "It's organic and supposedly releases something therapeutic. I don't know if

I believe that shit, though." She stood with a kick to the doors and turned back to the tub as she

flipped the top open. "You've taken baths before, right? Or was that not allowed because of

mother?" The word was spat with an equal amount of hatred as it had that very first day she realized

what scum Mrs. Clement was. She assumed nothing would change that; ten years from now she

would hear her name and her jaw would clench just as tightly.

"I have partaken in bathing this way alone in the past… though it has been many years since my last.

Mother enforced time restrictions on hygiene rituals the older I grew." Sara's voice was lisping more

than usual under her exhaustion, calming the infuriation Tegan felt over her words with her voice.

"I seriously hate that woman. I swear to god, one day you're going to mention her and my head's

just going to fucking explode." Tegan drizzled in a dollop of the bubbles before dropping it on the

edge of the tub, the landing of the bottle loud against the porcelain in restrained rage. Her eyes

were blind to the sight of swirling liquid growing in the rising water.

"You must not put too much energy into thoughts of her, darling." Sara's voice was quiet, but

understanding. Tegan focused on her voice to calm the storm in her chest. "Though what she has

done still lingers inside of me psychologically… she no longer matters. And, quite honestly, I'm not

sure she ever did."

Tegan turned to her, noting the solemn line of her mouth as she pursed her own. Her own fury

would not make Sara feel any better; she had to calm down. "You're right." She agreed softly. She

dragged her hand over the thigh of her jeans to dry the dripping water and staggered over to Sara

until nothing was between them but layers of clothing. She raised her slightly damp hand to cup

Sara's cheek. Heat radiated off the soft skin as Tegan nodded. "You're right." She repeated even

softer than before. Sara cocked her head, nuzzling her cheek in Tegan's hand as the other woman

inched their faces closer so hot breath mingled humidly as the water roared behind them.

"Fuck 'er." She whispered. Sara did not protest.

Their lips molded together. The steam of the bath was growing hot in the tiny room, expanding

Tegan's lungs with warmth and dampening her skin. She slipped her hands down Sara's torso,

catching the hem of her work shirt. Their lips parted as the rough material slipped over Sara's head

and landed in a heap on the floor. Tegan's shirt met it on the tiles, her bra quickly following.

Sara's eyes dropped as Tegan's shoulders were released of thick, black straps. Tegan stood still,

allowing Sara to take in the curves of her chest and the dip of her waist as if it were all new flesh.

She watched with butterflies in her stomach as Sara's bottom lip was taken in vice grip by her teeth,

squeezing the red flesh until it slipped into a bone white. Her fingers reached out, the spaces

between them wide, and lightly grazed the line of Tegan's stomach.

The fluttering of excitement in Tegan's gut jerked as Sara unintentionally tickled her, rising sparks

down her back as she stepped away with a bark of laughter. Sara's eyes widened a fraction in

bewilderment.

"You tickled me," Tegan explained with a breathless chuckle. A mischievous grin split Sara's face and

before Tegan could process what it meant, she brushed her fingers back over that spot just below

her belly button with wiggling fingers and surged a new laugh from Tegan's throat. "Sara!"

Sara giggled, stepping forward to run her fingers so daintily down her sides that it had Tegan crowing

with laughter, her head thrown back to the ceiling as she gasped for Sara to stop. She thrashed

between Sara's arms, her hands grasping Sara's fingers only to have them tossed away as Sara

quickly found her most ticklish areas, mercilessly tickling the dip of her hips and below her

bellybutton. Tears darted to the corner of her eyes as throaty laughter lifted over the sound of

coursing water as her body wracked.

Desperate to end the tickling, Tegan's hands slipped between their bodies to find Sara's exposed

sides. She flicked her fingers in a rush of digits on her ribs, shocking a laugh from Sara. She took a

step back as she hurriedly stopped tickling Tegan to grab her hands, only succeeding in trapping

herself against the door.

Tegan's grin was darkly wicked as she lightly slapped Sara's hands away and danced up her sides.

Sara squirmed under her grasp, laughing freely. Like a child, she was gasping and slipping down the

wall to avoid Tegan's fingers. With Tegan she was different; open. She was rather greedy, reveling in

the side of Sara no one else got to see. Her smile was bright, her eyes spotted with tears of mirth.

Tegan felt the echo of Sara's laughter – loud in ways it had never been – in her chest. Her heart beat

harder to every brief connection of their eyes before Sara's squeezed shut as she laughed along with

her, watching Sara try to move her arms over her sides that were in danger while her laughter grew

shrill.

"Tegan Rain!" She squealed, her name squeaking through Sara's windpipe as her hair fell in her face

and she batted her hands away. "I fear I will wet myself!" She cried in warning between giggles.

Tegan threw her head back with a loud cackle as she quickly ceased her actions and held her hands

in the air in surrender. Her stomach ached from her laughter and she could still feel the sensations of

Sara's fingers on her ribs as she watched Sara collapse against the wall with a heaving chest. She

chuckled, "I believe that means I win."

Sara tucked her fringe behind her pink ear with a giggle. Her eyes squinted, so close to rolling as she

righted herself. Tegan grinned and looked over her shoulder to see the bubbles had risen to the

tub's edge. "Whoops!" She hurried over and dropped to her knees to breach her arm through the

bubbles and find the knobs with grasping fingers. Her bare chest touched the cool porcelain as she

quickly shut them off, leaving the water still as she dipped her hand inside to test the temperature.

Satisfied, her hand made the water trickle as she stood and turned to face Sara. Her hands

immediately dropped to her jeans, popping the silver button open. The zipper groaned in the silence

of the steamy room, the mirrors fogged to blind their reflections.

Tegan watched Sara's stare grow smoldering as she slipped the tight material from her wide waist.

The jeans had left a faded red impression against her hips where they had rubbed over the bones

and Sara's eyes lurked there for a long moment with thoughts Tegan could not reach. Sara leaned

against the wall in her lacy bra and gray trousers as Tegan tugged her boxers off and stood nude

before her, cheeks flushed from their playful battle. She turned away, exposing her backside to Sara

with only a hint of self-consciousness crawling up her throat as she dipped her toes inside the water.

Her foot adjusted to the heat quickly and she stepped inside, her feet squeaking against the tub as

she lowered herself in the bubbles. The warmth of the water eased her bones and she gave a sigh.

Sara stood still, gawking at the fluffy suds surrounding Tegan's shoulders and wetting the ends of her

shaggy hair. Tegan raised a teasing brow, "What're you waiting for? Get naked."

A shy tilt to Sara's head landed hazel eyes to the ground at her prod. Tegan pretended as if she

wasn't watching her as Sara's arms wrapped behind her back to unhook her bra, her own eyes

avoiding Tegan's side-eye as if she had never been bare before her. The material fell carefully to the

floor as Tegan admired her abdomen. She was filling out slowly but surely. Where her stomach had

dipped unhealthily when they first met, it was beginning to give the idea of a normal, nutritious diet

without the restrictions of her intake that Tegan was too afraid to ask about. If she knew the details,

her resolve might crack and fury would tear through her skull like acid.

But she didn't want to think about that. She wanted to think about silky black underwear slipping

down full thighs and Sara stepped out of them with delicately placed steps. Tegan couldn't help but

grin as she watched Sara step closer to the tub with bright red cheeks. One leg dipped into the water

to steady herself and her bare mound was at level with Tegan's face, giving her a perfect view of her

puffy lips for a split second. Tegan took in a deep breath through her nostrils, picking up Sara's heady

scent under the fresh bubbles before she was carefully seating herself. Tegan could see the tops of

her knees above the bubbles as they gathered around Sara's collar bones and her eyes met Tegan's

behind thick lashes. When she caught sight of Tegan's goofy grin, a nervous laugh was shaking in her

throat.

Tegan lifted her hand from the water to scoop up a small handful of bubbles in her palm that shone

like a rainbow under the shift of light. She looked to Sara's bashful stare and filled her cheeks with

air. She released the air with little force, blowing it against the bubbles so they lifted from her hand

to dance through the air and land on the tip of Sara's nose and the edge of the tub. She lowered her

hand with a sweet smile as Sara giggled with white bubbles clinging to her nose; she looked

ridiculous. It was adorable. Her shoulders shook as she cleaned her face with the back of her wet

arm. The tension in her neck disappeared and her smile brightened slightly as she looked to Tegan.

The water splashed slightly as Tegan watched Sara adjust herself until she felt the prod of small toes

against her thigh. A hand caught her wrist under the surface, and Tegan allowed herself to drift

through the water. Her legs opened to rest around Sara's waist as she sat between Sara's own, the

brush of their skin even softer than usual with the slick aid of water between them.

Emy and whatever was happening between her and Sarah was forgotten in Tegan's mind. She

focused only on the heated flush of the water staining Sara's cheeks as she ran her wet hands

through her hair, dampening her locks to push them from her face. Her lips looked redder than

before, plump and enticing as they breathed together in near silence, when the water went still and

their bodies went immobile despite the rise of their chests. And Sara's eyes were exposed

completely without the rest of her fringe over her left eye, keeping the tenderness lurking under

green-gold pools from hiding as she copied her earlier actions through Tegan's hair. She wet the

brown strands to black to keep them from falling over her forehead and Tegan was sure her bent ear

was on full display, curved and flattened on the top for Sara to giggle at. The droplets drizzled down

the sharp bone of her wrist and trickled against the pool they were submerged in with a tiny plop.

Tegan's smile felt fragile as she weaved her hands behind Sara's neck and scooted her bum an inch

forward so they were closer. She twisted her fingers across the baby hairs there as she felt Sara's

hands touch her hips. They felt warm for the first time ever.

Her eyes fell shut as she was kissed. She sighed contently into Sara's mouth so could feel the same

happiness she did. She was at peace. She felt as if her head was floating, but her body was still and

trapped under Sara's touch. Her heart felt bright, too, as if the lowered sun had found residence in

her chest and was waking from a long sleep. She was drowning in the water that only reached her

chest as she reveled in the feather-light brush of Sara's dry lips, kissing her so gently that she felt it

well in her throat and expand at her chest.

As she heard the soft breath that touched her cheek, she couldn't help but peek her eyes open.

Sara's thin lids protected her thoughts, but the caress of her thumbs against Tegan's waist gave her

away. Her mouth moved just barely as she kissed Tegan without parting her lips. It was chaste and

sweet, making her blush darken as their heads moved in opposite directions and Tegan tugged her a

bit closer with her hands on the back of her neck. She saw the crinkle of Sara's smile the moment

she felt it.

Sleepy kisses were Tegan's favorite of Sara's. She loved all categories of Sara's kisses – chaste

goodbye kisses, passionate and messy kisses, gentle kisses after an emotional uproar of conversation,

rough biting and sensual licks, the tender press of lips after sex on her hot face… Tegan enjoyed

them all. But there was something special about the soft, sleepy suck of Sara's lips on hers when she

was weighed down with the urge to shut her eyes. It felt warmer than any other kiss. It felt

vulnerable with Sara's mind dreaming of fluffy pillows as she moved lazily against Tegan. It made her

want to bundle Sara up in the blankets and play with her hair until she fell asleep.

She supposed that when she felt at peace, she also felt at her most cheesy.

As they parted, their lips stuck together. Tegan licked her own as Sara's eyes fluttered open with a

smile. One hand moved to Tegan's cheek, making her grin at the familiar show of affection. She felt

as if Sara touched her like this when words escaped her – or she was too afraid to let them out. But

just as those thoughts knocked on her brain, Sara contradicted them.

"You are so enormously precious to me." Her voice was hushed and Tegan leaned forward to catch

every syllable. "I cannot help but to marvel at you. And us. I never expected to have this in my life…

what you offer or what I feel. I had resigned myself long ago to never experience such a way of… of

intensity in emotions. But I revel in it. You have changed my perspective and expectations for the

better and I feel hopeful for the first time in my life. I look to you and I feel as if I might burst or

laugh for no reason at all."

Tegan bit her lip. Her entire body felt swollen with happiness, as if Sara had just proclaimed love. She

stored those words to keep forever. She lifted her hand and gently poked the end of Sara's nose

before drifting further down, brushing over the dip above her upper lip. She traced the line of her

mouth and dropped her thumb to her chin, coaxing her forward.

Sara took the hint and met their lips. Her hand other hand met Tegan's neglected cheek, holding her

face between her hands as she sucked her bottom lip and trapped it in heat that tasted vaguely of

soap from Tegan's hand. She tugged her closer though it seemed impossible, forcing Tegan to grab

the edge of the tub to follow her as Sara leaned her back against the cold tile of the wall behind her.

There was such a desperate passion in the way her lips moved in a silent conversation, her hands

contrasting with such gentleness on Tegan's face.

Their tongues clashed and Tegan moaned to Sara's catch of breath. Hands fell to knead her breasts,

but the light cupping of her skin did not signal a need for more. Sara was pleasuring her without an

intention for more. Tegan accepted the touch with another moan, lower this time as the water

splashed. If they weren't both so tired, she would shove her hand into the water and tease Sara's

folds, but in this moment she didn't want to. She simply desired to feel Sara and revel in her

company without bringing either of them to the line of nirvana. Sara seemed to be at her level as her

hands avoided her hardened nipples to simply squeeze her plump flesh with a soft laugh that Tegan

felt trickle down her throat.

Tegan broke the kiss to accommodate her wide grin. "You're feeling very dominate today." She

observed aloud. "I like it."

Sara looked as if she had been caught with her hands in the cookie jaw as they disappeared into the

water. Tegan chuckled as she reached for the shampoo resting at her elbow, the pink bottle adorned

with a ripe strawberry. "Can I wash your hair?"

Sara only nodded, her eyes wide at the prospect.

"Here… get your hair a little bit wetter." Tegan made a cupping motion with her hands. Sara copied

her actions and dipped into the water, catching a small puddle between her palms that leaked back

into the tub as she hurriedly ducked under the waterfall of her hands. "We should've grabbed a cup

or some shit to make this easier."

Sara only laughed as she managed to wet her locks down until they darkened and stuck to her face

in short strands. She tossed her head to flip the hair from her eyes, reminding Tegan of a shampoo

commercial as she squeezed a sizable portion of her own strawberry scented shampoo into her hand.

She dropped the bottle back to its rightful place and lathered the pink liquid between her hands

before holding them up and nodding Sara forward.

The water waved around them as Sara ducked her head in offering. Tegan grinned as she slipped her

fingers through soft locks. She weaved through the short hair that met her longer fringe, slipping the

shampoo through Sara's hair far more gently than she ever treated herself. Sara's glistening

shoulders rose and fell to her soft sigh in the comfortable silence of their company.

In some ways, washing Sara's hair felt more intimate than the sex they had engaged in so many

times Tegan had lost count of the encounters. Treating Sara to the soothing brush of her fingers over

her scalp made Tegan see her as something even more vulnerable than when she had an orgasm

under her hand. Sara had, without a doubt, never experienced someone else caring for her in such a

basic way. It made Tegan smile to herself as she lightly massaged her fingers down the crown of her

head. It felt oddly peaceful.

When the pink liquid became white foam over Sara's head, Tegan scrubbed it in with two careful

hands until she was satisfied. "All done." She announced quietly.

Sara lifted her head as she brushed the suds slipping dangerously close to her eyes. Tegan did not

even try to hold back the laughter shaking at her shoulders at the swirl of foam taking over the top

of Sara's head.

"Here, just like… dunk your head in. That hand thing is not going to work this time." Sara lifted her

brow, lightly grazed in shampoo, with a dubious frown that made Tegan's laugh grow louder. "Go

ahead! I promise I won't hold your head under water."

With a look as if she were walking the plank, Sara plugged her nostrils with two pinching fingers.

Tegan watched her collect air to hold between her cheeks before her head disappeared with her

body under the splashing water. She grinned as she watched the faint outline of her pink skin and

dark hair where the bubbles had drifted in her position. She broke the cloudy water with a small

gasp for the air, her hair clinging to her forehead in different lengths like a mark of sharpie over her

face.

"Beautiful!" Tegan clapped like an artist perfecting a painting. Sara giggled as she pushed her hair

back and wiped the water from her face – Tegan could not keep silent. She had to voice her thoughts.

"I really love when it's just me and you." She ran her hands through the water to rid the suds with a

sheepish tug to her lips. The flow felt heavy and thick between her spread fingers as it swirled in the

air. "I like it so much it's probably unhealthy. I just like… being with you. We don't even have to talk,

I just… I really love just sitting with you. Like, spending time with friends and stuff is great, but… I

don't really think anything compares to just… existing with you. You know?"

Sara's smile was so full of fear that Tegan knew she was telling the truth as she nodded, "I

understand completely."

"You're, like – you're my favorite person." Tegan chuckled deep in her throat as Sara's chin dropped

to her chest. "I'm sorry I couldn't warn you about people coming over… They were just here when I

got home. I wasn't expecting them."

"It's okay," Sara paused. She bit her lip as Tegan reached out for her hand. "They are not

bothersome. Perhaps… one day I will be friendly with them."

Tegan sighed; it was heavy and sad. Sara was so lonely. It was etched in her voice when she spoke of

the potential of having good friends, like a child on the first day of school. It fucking killed Tegan,

who felt as if her heart may shatter. "You… you were. Tonight, you were." She tried to convince

herself more than she did Sara.

"I suppose I chose the wrong wording. Friendly… yes. Friends? No." Sara's eyes dropped to the

bubbles that she had picked up in both hands to distract herself. "I believe that, before I came here

and understood what humans generally were like when not weaved inside to the tightly roped

future their parents created for them at birth, I thought I understood friendship. I thought I had felt

it – though rarely – and understood it to some extent, but even what I had with Stacy was not

friendship… and I see that now. I see the way you interact with your friends and how they treat each

other… there is something so caring and carefree in the way you speak to one another. I am… not a

part of it. They are so kind to me, but that is not friendship. That is being polite, as I come as a sort of

extension with you now. There is no teasing towards me or knowledge of who I really am." Sara gave

a soft sigh that broke Tegan's heart. "I suppose… I desire it. I wish to be a part of it, but it is not easy.

I guess what I feel is… a bit… left out." She shook her head at herself, as if disgusted by the truth.

"Which is ridiculous, but I cannot help but feel that I am on the sidelines."

Tegan took Sara's wringing hand in her own, her brows knotted tightly and her lips pouting at the

injustice of her feeling so dejected. She felt terrible suddenly, for allowing Sara to sit there and feel

this only an hour before. She felt bad for thinking of getting Sara away from Emy's sexual escapades,

when she should be able to giggle about it too. They should all be friends. Tegan couldn't shield her

away from the normalcy of mocking your friend for hearing them have sex or for saying something

that they later found stupid. Sara wanted to experience that and Tegan was desperate for her to feel

it. She wanted nothing less than for Sara to be lonely or sad amongst a group. "I hate that. I fucking

hate that. I don't want you to feel that way… ever. To me, you are a part of it all and… I'm so sorry

you don't feel like you are. I guess I get it, but it doesn't make me hate it any less. You don't… I mean,

you don't, like, feel that way with me, do you? You don't feel like I treat you too politely or that I'm

not… fully there with you?"

"Tegan Rain, you are possibly the only person in this world who has not made me feel such a way."

Sara offered her a small smile. It reached her eyes, but it was a shadow of her gleaming smile. Her

free fingers brushed Tegan's forearm to trace the thick roots of the tree imprinted in her skin

through an explosion of color and unspoken meaning. Tegan watched her fingers dance over the

trunk and climbing limbs with pursed lips. "From the very beginning, you have been authentic with

me. You have never treated me as if I am fragile and cannot accept a jab or two at my expense. I

wonder if that is why I was drawn to you initially, as you treated me in a way that was far more

humanized than most anyone ever had dared."

"There was never an awkward, like, getting to know each other thing happening." Tegan agreed. "I

never felt that feeling of you being… a stranger. I don't know, it's weird. It's… I sort of feel like I've

know you my whole life, you know? I can't imagine you, like, not being here. I feel like I've known

you forever." She paused. "But with other people, maybe… maybe you just do friendship differently.

There's no right or wrong way, and I believe that things have all sorts of different, like…

circumstances or whatever. Maybe it's just different. Not worse or better." Tegan lifted Sara's hand

to press a kiss to her knuckles as Sara looked away. She hoped the warm press of her lips would

bring her back, and it worked as Sara's eyes met her stare again. "I'm just… throwing that out there

as a thought."

"Perhaps it is different." Sara agreed in a reluctant whisper. "But perhaps I do not want it to be."

Tegan had nothing to say to that; it was a dead end and she could not make a U-turn. She wished

she could. She wished she had higher-power advice or a consoling, logical whisper. But she knew she

could not fix everything. Her love could not heal all of Sara's wounds. It was as her mother had said;

she could not sew up all of Sara's past and present worries, but she could be there for her.

She swallowed the need to soothe her with possibly false promises and squeezed her girlfriend's

hand a little tighter instead.

"It's alright, Tegan Rain. There's no need to look so downhearted." Sara tugged her forward with a

tiny smile. Tegan was sure she had the same expression on her face she did when her mother denied

her concert tickets in her teens. "I understand this will take time and I accept that. Occasionally, yes,

it is upsetting… but ultimately it is okay."

Tegan opened her mouth to whine about how unfair it all was, but Sara took her lips in a soft kiss

that silenced every thought in her head. She allowed the it with the guess that Sara no longer

wanted to talk about it, and slipped her tongue into Sara's mouth. She moved her body carefully to

keep the water from sloshing as she lowered herself to straddle Sara's lap. She slipped her fingers

through the back of Sara's freshly cleaned hair to hold her in place as hands drifted down the slick

muscles of her back. They slipped down the dip of her lower back to brush her bum and squeeze the

back of her thighs as teeth dug into the sensitive flesh of her lip.

Tegan knew Sara was distracting them both, but it didn't stop her from moaning and moving her

pelvis to meet the soft skin beneath her–

"Holy fuck… Sarah!"

The shock of their little world being popped stunned their lips. A confusion kept their frozen lips

locked as a loud bang of something smacking a wall slammed through the apartment.

Slowly a moment later, their lips parted. Sara looked at Tegan with her face adorably scandalized,

brows knitted high on her forehead and eyes as wide as an owls. The reality of what they were

hearing sunk into their bones to the series of harsh bumps to the abused wall, dropping a rather

awkward silence in the air as they suddenly avoided each others eyes; Sara looked to the bubbles

while Tegan searched heavenward for a god who could stop the loud roar in Emy's chest down the

hall. Any potential arousal they were beginning to feel fizzled away.

Nose wrinkled, Tegan prayed they were almost done at that was why Emy was suddenly screeching

like a fucking animal. The call of Sarah's name was sharp and desperate, edging on shrill as she all

but growled expletives. Tegan was far more disgusted to hear how similar their cries of passion were

than the fact that she was overhearing them while in the bath with her own Sara. The words they

used and the name they cried tried to link a connection in her brain that she hurriedly refused to

connect, her mental hands clipping the chain with a rough snap. A cold creep of revulsion shuddered

down her spine.

"Sarah! Oh, god, I'm coming!" A drawn out, moaning scream settled in the uncomfortable space

between Sara and Tegan. It seemed intentionally long, as if Emy knew the squirming discomfort in

Tegan's gut. She probably did know, that fucker. And the silence that followed was even tenser than

before between Tegan and her girlfriend, who splashed the water as she shifted her weight beneath

her. Tegan wished spiritual death on her best friend for ruining the moment.

"Well." Sara's deadpanning broke the silence. Tegan hesitantly looked her way, catching her cheeks

stained in embarrassment and her lips curled in what looked like refrained amusement. "I must say

that, though I thoroughly enjoy such words falling from your lips… it is rather disconcerting to hear

similar cries fall from Emily's." An uninhibited snort tore through Tegan's sinuses, but it loosened

Sara's shoulders as a small smirk stuck her face. "And, not only that, but I now know you were not at

all exaggerating before. She really does resemble something akin to a banshee while…. finding her…

peak."

Tegan's crow of laughter bounced off the walls of the bathroom and echoed down the hall.


	32. Promises in the night

Stirring into consciousness was an unwelcome trial. The creep of surroundings seeped into fading

dreams, alerting life into immobile bones and a heavy rejection of the crawling awareness

seemed futile, but Tegan wrinkled her brow and clenched her eyes shut in determination.

She didn't have to open her eyes to know it was not yet morning. The air was tame, silenced by

sleeping citizens while the sky shifted through tones of blue and black in a peaceful course of

unhurried time. Her hair was still wet from the bath she had shared with Sara, sticking to her

forehead and informing her that she had not slept near long enough to appease her exhaustion; she

tried to shut her brain off for a few more ticking hours, believing she deserved it after Emy's and

Sarah's revenge of loud moans and ridiculously exaggerated shouts of pleasure. Though she and Sara

had giggled through the painful hour of amusing cries with quiet jokes poking fun at the noises

coming from Emy's room, she was already planning her own louder and far more realistic screams –

even if it was just pounding on the wall with her fists and whimpering Sara's name when she knew

Emy was doing the down and dirty. She wondered if she could get Sara to get in on it, possibly just to

lightly smack the wall to ruin their friend's (because that's what they were; their friends, no matter

what Sara said) sincerer intimacy.

The wrapped blankets around her body were doing nothing to protect her against the approaching

autumn that chilled the air and left the scent of burning leaves thick in her nose at all hours. She

huffed softly as her body wracked with a shiver.

Her eyes still forcefully shut, she inched closer to the heat that she hoped Sara would be radiating in

waves. Her feet were careful to keep from kicking Sara into consciousness as she shuffled in near

silence, the rustling sheets the only noise she could hear in the dark behind her lids.

Sara had her own side of the bed, but generally Tegan found her lying flat on her back and closer to

the middle of the bed on the nights she woke before morning, when the sky was still black and the

window was vacant of chirping birds; Tegan assumed it was from a lifetime of sleeping alone that

caused her body to seek more room than their bed granted. It never bothered Tegan, who liked to

shuffle to nuzzle her cheek against Sara's chest and throw her arm around her waist before drifting

back to sleep when she blinked to life for a few fuzzy minutes. And now, she had every intention to

do just that, but the closer she inched to the middle of the bed grew the realization that she was

alone.

Her hand was met with sheets that were slightly cold and concern fizzled beneath her sluggish mind.

Apparently, she had been alone for a rather long time. She pictured a clammy Sara clinging to the

toilet bowl, hair sticking to her forehead with sweat as she expelled the contents of her stomach in

quiet agony. Even more terrifying than that came the flooding images of Sara slipping outside for a

midnight stroll, only to grow lost in the concrete forest of the still unfamiliar city. She could see the

tear streaks clinging to Sara's cheeks as she stumbled in a confused patter of backwards steps, her

lips trembling with the unknown under the streetlamps as she searched for the right direction to

home. To Tegan. The bad side of town, with rundown buildings filled with unfortunate souls made

up of bad decisions, was only a short walk from the apartment; Sara did not know that. Tegan's

heart halted in terror as she was plagued with the bodies of thick men – shoulders square and strong,

lips growling lewd threats – cornering her girlfriend into a shadowed alleyway.

Her eyes flew open as her body jerked upright with the blankets pooling in her lap. "Sara?!" The

scared cry was hushed and unintentional as it gasped out her throat in shrill panic. She blinked

rapidly to adjust her eyes to the darkness of the room, acting as a maddening blindfold.

A sudden hand touched her cheek, the chill and delicacy causing her shoulders to draw in moments

before they drooped in relief.

"Tegan Rain?" The bed dipped with extra weight. Tegan screwed her eyes into a squint to catch the

faint blue outline of Sara's shoulders and head that the moon provided behind gray clouds. She

reached out to touch the narrow shoulders in desperation of physical proof that Sara was there with

her; safe and unharmed. She squeezed and searched over the body she knew like the back of her

hand; Sara was warm, her bones sharp and real as they lifted and fell to her breathing. "What is

causing you alarm? Have you had a night terror?" Her voice was quiet and concerned.

"Yeah, I– yes." Tegan sighed. It certainly felt that way; her heart was still racing. "Where were you?"

"I have been standing at the window." Sara informed her and Tegaan almost laughed at the how

ridiculous her panic was – Sara would never touch the toilet bowl or leave without telling anyone.

And more importantly: she was a big girl, she could take care of herself. "I was awoken by a car

alarm quite a while ago that I am shocked did not wake you. I stood to assess the noise… I am still

very unaccustomed such noise. I grew distracted by an altercation between a man and woman

below, however. They looked quite animated and upset… I believe they were extremely inebriated.

They stumbled away a few moments ago in a lip lock that I was embarrassed to have witnessed."

She giggled, and the sound was sweet in Tegan's ears as she smiled into the blackness her eyes were

slowly adjusting to.

"Friday night clubbers, probably." Her brow wrinkled in thought. "Or Saturday morning?"

"I am unsure of the time as well, but my guess would be Saturday morning." The bed creaked as Sara

shuffled. Tegan felt the cold touch of her palm cup her cheek a little bit more gently as a thumb

brushed the soft skin beneath her lower lashes. Hot breath touched her curled lips. "May I ask what

you dreamt of to cause you such panic? I have never heard you sound the way you did. It … it gave

me a fright."

Tegan's smile melted like snow on a warm day and she moved her head to press it into Sara's hand

so she could feel it too. "It was nothing. I'm okay. I'm just… glad you're here." She scooted further

into the bed and the tips of her fingers to Sara's wrist. "Come here, Sara."

The mattress groaned under moving weight. Soft orange light flooded the black depth of night as

Tegan flipped the bedside lamp on. Her back met the headboard as she peered through dark strands

of her damp fringe. Sara sat cross-legged, the skin of her exposed thighs appearing warmer and

smoother under the gentle light of the lamp. Her shirt, borrowed from Tegan's side of the closet,

was printed with the abrupt lines of a band name she was sure to have never heard. The neck had

been cut and ripped into a large scoop from Tegan's punk phase, causing the tattered hem to slip

down her bare shoulder. Tegan stared at the dip of her collarbones as she held her weight up with

hands planted firmly on the mattress.

"Witnessing that altercation caused me to ponder the concept of arguments." Sara spoke quietly in

the night, breaking open her mind to let Tegan see her thoughts. "In my mother's home, we never

fought. It was an unspoken rule to never raise one's voice or speak out of term. I can count on my

fingers the rare times I lost my temper and dared to talk back, but mother always cut me off. She did

not allow me to grow… passionate in a verbal spat. She and father never fought. It was always so…

so deafeningly silent when there was more tension between them that exceeded what was always

tense in their faces. They distanced themselves until the problem left on its own." There was a break

of silence and Tegan could hear the gentle howl of wind outside as the lamp shadowed Sara's bitten

lips. "People who care about each other do not communicate like that. I have known that since I was

child because when I read books, people who… cared even the slightest tried. Allowing themselves

to speak openly about a situation is making an effort to fix it to be happy… and mother never

allowed me to try. People who care let themselves growl and fight for betterment."

Tegan blinked as her brain turned wheels to that quiet epiphany. Her throat dried to the ghost of

raw desperation reverberating off cold walls. She remembered the way her face had twisted to tears

and the way crystal blue eyes had looked back at her with a mouth cringing to scratching words that

dug deep into Tegan's heart and ripped at sensitive flesh. Over time, endless fighting had faded and

silence replaced it. It grew between them until it was all they had left; wedged deep until Theresa

was all but gone. They had given up and the meaning was louder than any fight they had. They

hadn't been trying and when the communication of shouting ended, so did they. And that wasn't

something Tegan had even realized until now.

Sara's mind – her way of thinking and exploration of connecting the dots that linked them together –

deepened the dark hole Tegan rested peacefully within. With every open thought, Sara sprinkled

wet soil over her head and Tegan smiled in thanks. She opened her up to new ways of thinking and

different ways to process information. When Sara opened up, Tegan's brain was stimulated and

intrigued.

"I do not want to dredge up past wounds, but I am curious of something you do not have to answer."

Sara looked to Tegan under the shadows of her blinking lashes. Tegan arched her brows imploringly.

"Did your mother and father fight often before…" She did not end the sentence and for that, Tegan

was warmed.

"It's weird." She took her piercing between her teeth, scraping along the cold silver with a low hum

as she searched her memories. They were jumbled and fused with old emotions she did not like to

dip into. "It was so long ago, you know? And I was so little, I didn– Like, it didn't really make a lot of

sense to me. But I do remember that last day, like really clearly. I remember my mum yelling and…

crying. And I have this thing that I guess stems from the womb… but when I see her even get a little

teary eyed or whatever, I start crying too." She pulled her legs to her chest and locked her fingers at

her knees where her pajamas bunched. "My last memory of my dad is, uh… so fucked. It's so fucked

up and… it makes me… hate him and forget anything good he ever did. Because he looked at us, you

know? I remember his eyes… looking at us. He looked at mum – the woman he had been with for so

long and… then he looked at me. He was so cold. I remem– I mean, I was his kid you know? His little

fucking kid. Mum was yelling at him and begging for him to stay and… he just stared at me without

any guilt or any attempt at consoling me. I was sobbing and he just fucking stared at me and he

wasn't even fazed by mum yelling about how she loved him and she couldn't like, raise me on her

own. She was young and she was so scared and it was making me cry to hear that in her voice… and

then he just left. He didn't even look back. It makes me realize that he never gave a shit."

Sara's eyes were soft. She was not gazing at her as if she were fragile for her honesty, but strong for

what she had endured and Tegan hoped that Sara saw the same in her own eyes. She offered her a

small smile as her heart pumped a bit faster. "I think you're right, Sara." She admitted lowly. "People

who have, like, given up or whatever… they don't fight. They don't care. They're not trying. My dad…

he didn't care and he didn't try no matter how hard my mum tried to put fight in him." She breathed

in a heavy air through her nostrils. "I think you're right." She held the air in her lungs for a moment,

tightening her lungs with oxygen before releasing it through her mouth. "I hate that he's in me no

matter what I do. He'll always be my dad even when he never acted like one. People used to tell me I

had his jaw and his eyes and I hate that too. All I remember about his jaw was the way it would

tighten when my mum tried to open him up and his eyes… I just remember that last look. I don't

ever want my eyes to look like his. He was a fucking… empty fucking tomb."

"No person with a stable mind could possibly equate your eyes to anything other than lively and

warm." Sara told her and it was tranquil, like a whisper in a dream.

There was a tingle in the pit of Tegan's stomach as she relaxed into the headboard. She tipped her

head to the side, cheekbone resting on her shoulder as her lips curled to expose her gums and upper

row of teeth. She caught a hint of pink building in Sara's cheeks the longer Tegan pinned her under a

softening smile and heavy eyes. But she didn't want to sleep; she wanted to listen to Sara's voice. "I

love you so much, Sara. I love you… more than I've ever loved… anyone ever."

The heat in Sara's cheeks created a wildfire down her throat and tinted the tips of her ears in an

angry red as a rather shy dip of her neck was met with a smile so sweet that Tegan couldn't help but

beam. She wondered if Sara would ever grow accustomed to hearing those words or if they would

always be fresh and new no matter how many times Tegan admitted them. She hoped for the ladder.

"My dad was an idiot. He gave it all up. Maybe he felt exactly how I feel right now, but he was too

scared or… or he was just… too fucking stupid to realize how lucky he was. Because the way I feel

about you and how much I care about you, it goes so far beyond what you do to my heart. Does that

make sense? Like… it's so… There's so much more to it. And surely, if my dad married my mum and

had a kid with her… surely he felt like I do about you. Right? He had to. So I wonder… how does he

function without my mum? If he's still… uh, you know, alive… I wonder how he can survive without

feeling like this all the time." Tegan shook her head at the blurred image of what her memory could

still concoct to her father's face. "I mean, I don't know what was going through his mind. I'll never

know and that's good because I don't ever want to be able to understand how someone can do that,

but… I think he was one of those people who couldn't take how lucky and happy he was, so he ran. I

want you to know… that even though it's probably like… in my blood to do that… I will never give up

on you like you're easy to leave. I'll never– I'll make sure to try for us no matter what because I don't

want to be like him. I don't want to have to live with what I've given up."

Sara's fingers touched her hand, curling around her knuckles. Tegan turned her hand over to clasp

her clammy palm into Sara's icy hand. Her eyes were dark and serious as she soaked in Tegan's

words. "I have not witnessed a relationship that was not drowned in resenting responsibility. The

marriages I have seen were so strained because they were so undesired. I have seen men and

women forced together by families that wanted to join forces and I was always struck with a deep

sadness to see them try to build a relationship on something that was so forced. And you must know

that I will never treat you as a chore, Tegan Rain. You will never be something I force. I have never

felt so genuinely."

Tegan swallowed thickly to the promises they whispered under the dark of midnight. With the moon

out and neighbors sleeping, speaking with such raw truth felt even more important than it would in

the day. There was something special about early hour conversations that were untouchable under

the sun.

"I've loved before, but there's something different about you." She locked her fingers deeper into

the spaces between Sara's long digits. "I'm not sure what it is. My love for you is so different and…

it's so hard to like, articulate. I think I'm starting to understand that you can love people differently

and that's okay. And maybe… I don't know, maybe what I feel for you goes beyond the love I

thought was possible. I think my concept is getting changed and it's scary. You're challenging me,

but I like it. I've always been hung up on what love had to mean and what it had to give and I've seen

that destroy my relationships. I like that you're different and exceeding what I thought was possible.

I love that I don't feel hung up on what our relationship has to be because you're so… Fuck, I don't

know. You're… special in a way that, like… intrigues me so much."

Sara's bottom lip was pressed between her teeth, but the curls around the corners of her mouth

were undeniable. Her eyes roamed Tegan's face while her chest moved to stilted breath.

"I feel like we're meant to be together." She admitted, brave under the moon and in Sara's eyes.

"Like, I think about where you came from and the people you were surrounded by and I'm filled with

this… I guess its pride. Your mum never deserved to have a daughter like you." Sara's eyes dropped

to her lap and Tegan detected a small flush building at her cheeks. "We both have these awful

people in our blood. That's undeniable and we can't… escape them. It almost makes me feel like

maybe… I don't know, maybe they had to happen so we could, like… be good for each other and

understand each other and work for each other. I know you don't believe in fate, but… do you think

maybe we were brought together by… something?"

Sara sat still, her face scrunched with thought. Her nose twitched has her fringe hid one of her

squinting eyes. Tegan felt her gentle fingers tighten as she hummed contemplatively in her throat. "I

believe that if you had poised that question many months ago, I would have scoffed and deemed

you preposterous. The idea that anything other than the happenings of life were occurring would

have been ludicrous. However, now this unconditional belief you have in deep inside of you is

precious to me." She chewed her lip, voice even softer with the short sleep they had indulged in. "I

still cannot find it within myself to believe that there is a higher power fusing our souls together– if

souls are indeed not a myth. I cannot believe that something predestined had set us on this path

long ago… but I can believe that what has been created means something.

"Perhaps I would not have believed that in the past, but I believe it so strongly at this moment in

time. I refuse to believe that we are not doing something that is unimportant because it feels so…

utterly paramount. Perhaps no greater force in the universe pushed this upon us, but that is even

better in my eyes. We created this together. We fought for this in different ways since the day we

happened to meet eyes and I think that in itself is… artful. It makes it so much more beautiful to me

that we are the only force responsible for this. Anything that we can build together is something I

wish to soak in and appreciate in the same ways I cradle care to the words documenting life in the

novels I find so vastly beauteous."

The air as knocked out of Tegan's lungs as she listened to Sara's voice, etched in a poetic declaration

that soared through her chest and took a grip of her heart. "I like that." She whispered.

Sara's smile was enchanting, her cheeks fuller under the faint light of the lamp. It made her look

almost childish, taking away the heavy weight that seemed endlessly pressed on her shoulders. "I

read a rather old novel very long ago. It created the idea that a relationship is an art form. I never

really understood such a concept when I was so young… I believe I was eleven. It suggested that…

every brush stroke on a paintings canvas was idyllically similar to the inner-workings between lovers.

I remember going over that line so many times, desperate to understand what the author meant. I

went back to it for days and highlighted it to try and pick it apart. It made such little sense in my

mind. I think I wished to understand it to such an extent because I wanted to understand my parents.

I wanted to… have any sort of idea of what they were trying to accomplish." Sara pursed her lips. She

spoke with passion brimming in her eyes and restricted, tiny flinches of her free hand. Absently,

Tegan wondered if she would have been a wild gesturer if she had grown up in a different home. "If I

had to put that metaphor into my own interpretation these days – and this will be rather jumbled,

but I now think the author meant that every stroke is beautiful. Whether it is created by mistake or

with precision. There are mistakes that can be corrected with every brush of paint. You can fix a

mistake and make it beautiful if you put in the energy to try. But… sometimes it is beautiful all on its

own. Most importantly… the unexpected of turns can be exactly what the painting needed."

The message Sara as sending in the undertones of her soft voice was like a raucous shout in Tegan's

ear. It lodged her heart deep within her throat, swollen to choke her and broken into shards all at

once. Her words were wrapped in layered meaning, her metaphor a device to protect her feelings.

Perhaps it was the length of time she had spent dissecting every word Sara ever spoke, or maybe it

was something deeper and more important that helped Tegan understand the utterance in Sara's

words better each passing day. She had watched a movie once that spoke of a love language, a way

lovers communicated and understood each other that no outsider could hear. Maybe they were

developing their own way of speaking. Or maybe Tegan's ears were finally opened, unclogged by

ignorance, ready to accept everything Sara dared to whisper in ways she had not been ready to be

months ago. Or perhaps this was Sara's doing, whether she was conscious of it or not. Perhaps she

was finally able to speak without a protective barrier, allowing Tegan to hear her loud and clear

without having to pick apart her words until they were nothing but a jumbled mess that lacked a

glimpse of sense.

She pondered this as she urged Sara with a tug of her hand to rest in her lap, bottom seated on her

crossed legs and knees pressed against either side of her hips. The lightweight pressure of her body

was soothing and safe, trapping Tegan against the mattress in a way that felt anything but

intimidating.

"Your mind is fucking beautiful." She told her. She watched Sara's cheeks flush a pleased pink, but

there was so much for to what Tegan was admitting and she wanted Sara to know everything.

Their hands were still clasped, settled between the heat of their bodies. Tegan could feel the hot

press of Sara's thighs against her legs and the unintentional pressure settled against her throbbing

mound. She chewed her piercing as she considered exposing herself, the rare truth she had kept

from the brunette smiling sweetly and looking into her eyes as if the light was bright enough to see

every bit of her soul, and made a snap decision that it was safe to tell her anything. In Sara's

presence, there was no fear of judgment in a way that was refreshing and oddly sheltering. She

emitted something soft and open, and knowing the stifling atmosphere she came from, that made

Tegan feel as proud as she admitted earlier.

Tegan captured her piercing between the drag of her teeth as her hand slipped from Sara's locked

fingers to cradle the thin bones of her wrist. She peered into the shadows of Sara's eyes, lit up faintly

from the nearby lamp, watching the small cock of confusion in her neck. She spoke of no words, but

instead presented her feelings to Sara by lowering their hands between their stomachs until she

could feel Sara's fingertips brushing the waistband of her pajamas. She directed her inside the

cotton of her boxers with a meaningful glide of her wrist.

She could see the curiosity in Sara's eyes, obviously wondering why in the hell Tegan was shoving

her hand down the front of her pants in the middle of a conversation. But Tegan only smiled, a

secretive pull of her lips, and tried to swallow past the lump of excitement in her throat when Sara's

fingers met the rather wild patch of curls between her thighs. She had not been taming the growth

of her hair there just as she had been half-assing combing the hair on her head. A brief flash of

insecurity struck her chest despite reminding herself that Sara had seen her naked only hours ago.

Worry settled in her skin that maybe Sara would think her gross, but Sara sucked her bottom lip into

her mouth and lowered her avid eyes to watch her hand disappear in the plaid material. Her fingers

grew stiff and bold, no longer lax as she waited to understand what Tegan was quietly saying. All five

of her fingers combed through the thick, soft hair with interest sparking in her eyes; she liked it.

Tegan couldn't help but wonder if she would grow her own out just as long and unkempt if it were

not for her mother policing her body and taking away her right to choose.

Tegan guided her further until her own hand was settled above her pubic bone and Sara's fingers

were pressed against the heat of center. The response her body had long ago adapted to the chill of

Sara's touch made her gasp beneath her breath as her clit swelled with extra blood at the mere

presence of her hand, hovering only inches from her reddening skin. Tegan saw the exact moment

she discovered the wetness seeping onto her skin; she saw it in the pause of her chest and the bite

of her bottom lip. She was leaking onto Sara's fingers, coating the tips of her exploring hand.

Sara's eyes rose to meet Tegan's heavy gaze. Her bottom lip had gone bone white under the

pressure of her teeth.

"I don't– I don't really know what it is about having a deep conversation with you that makes me so

fucking wet, but… I think that…" Tegan trailed off lowly. She lifted her head from the wooden bars,

stopping only when she could feel the puffs of Sara's erratic breath on her face. She was so close she

could see the desire creeping over the growth of Sara's pupils as they darted to her lips. Tegan felt

one side curl into a grin, all sense of insecurity vanished by what she saw in those eyes. "It makes my

pussy wet to hear you speak your mind." Her rasp was heavy, bordering on husky as she dropped

her hand further into the gap of her pants to press the back of Sara's knuckles, forcing her touch to

grow firm against her pounding clit and dripping folds. Her lashes fluttered at the contact, but she

forced her eyes to stay open. "You drive me wild, Sara."

Darkness sucked at Sara's eyes – hazel irises blackened as need erupted under her stare. Tegan saw

something she had never seen in Sara before, as if her words had snapped a resistance inside of her

that had been shaved down to a mere tooth pick of was new strength in her face;

new fire. There was nothing meek or shy about her stare as confidence straightened her back.

Tegan's body wracked with a shiver.

"Never have I felt such intense arousal." Sara whispered, voice like silk. "Never so suddenly."

Her hand squirmed deep into Tegan's pajamas, her fingers purposeful as she slid down the length of

Tegan's slit, tearing a chocked gasp from her lungs as she swirled her fingers against her entrance.

The pressure of her fingers did not enter her, but instead curled through the thick fluid accumulating

there so teasingly Tegan pouted before her cool touch was absent.

She lifted her hand between their faces so Tegan could see the way it glistened on both sides, the

back of her hand coated in the pool sticking to Tegan's boxers and her fingers shining to her knuckles.

Her own scent was thick, trapping the air and filling Tegan's nostrils. Sara smiled at her, but it was

striking in ways it had never been before – curled over her teeth, it was almost animalistic, like a

predator that had finally cornered it's pray after a long chase. There was nothing sweet about the

glint in her eyes. Tegan's heart began to pump faster, bruising her ribcage as she awaited Sara's next

move in a burst of exhilaration.

When she had first begun to fantasize of Sara, this was the sight she had expected to see; this

assured smirk. And though she had grown fond of the soft touch Sara gave her… perhaps very

quietly, she had been mildly disappointed that Sara wasn't quite as aggressively prowling in the back

of her mind. Sometimes she desired her touch to be rougher, harder… needier. She loved that Sara

treated her with care and delicacy, but on some occasions she wanted to feel as if Sara craved her

like an animal craved blood, searching for it without letting anything get in its way.

And right now, with her canine teeth sharp under the lamp, Tegan saw the release of what she had

long ago thought would be present. If she had known that all that she had to do to uncage it was

speak crassly of her anatomy or shove Sara's hand down her pants, she would have done it long ago.

But then again, she backpedaled; maybe it was only now that their relationship was strong enough

to endure it. Sara had been working for her heart and those soft touches were necessary and

dedicated. Tegan would do nothing to change those memories and if it was only now that Sara felt

comfortable enough to show the raw desperation she felt for her, she would accept it with open

arms.

So with teeth tugging her labret, she did nothing to calm the storm of butterflies erupting in her gut.

Sara's fingers touching her lips shook her from her reverie, tracing them to smear her fluids like gloss.

Tegan stared at her, pinned to the headboard as she held back the instinct to lick away the glaze

clinging to her mouth. Instead, she poked her tongue out, curling it over Sara's digits to drag them

into the heat of her mouth. Her own taste exploded on her tongue, tangy against her saliva. With a

soft moan, she slipped her tongue between two fingers and eagerly sucked the liquid away until all

that was left was the salt of her skin.

Sara watched every move with lids so low her eyes were in near slits, her cheeks blazing as teeth

scraped over her knuckles. She sucked her own lips as if they were preparing for Tegan's; preparing

to devour her. A thrill tingled down Tegan's back as she bobbed her head, sucking Sara's bony

fingers to the knuckle.

She couldn't remember the last time they had engaged in sex that was not wrought with emotions.

Her mind traced back to every urge to cry with Sara's nude body pressed against hers. She searched

for the last time desire, need, and love were all that was present.

It was like a smack in the face to realize that every single one of the acts they had danced together

was never carefree or even fun. There was always worry in her mind. In the beginning, she had been

wrapped up in worry that what they had been doing was wrong or that she would be caught and

lose her job or her reputation at school if anyone were to find out. When they had settled Sara into

the apartment, she had been distracted by the poke of Sara's bones and the pause of her chest.

There was always a motive to get her to be more open or act without thought. And when she

realized she was in love, sex had been a hard emotional blow that left her in tears every time.

Lately, their sex had been meaningful and soothing. It was sweet and made Tegan's heart feel full.

But no matter how lovely, Tegan threw this new door of their love life open with a clap of

excitement. They were at a point – with everything on the table and an understanding bonding them

– where they could have fun together; express their feelings in a physical way that brought them

closer and didn't have to mean anything that they were working for or trying to find. It could build

them, strengthen them, and make them happy.

That was what she wanted – to have fun with her girlfriend.

Slowly, she slipped Sara's fingers out of her mouth with a small pop. Wet fingers traced the wide

angle of her jaw, as if remembering her earlier lament and brushing affection into the bones she

resented.

Her own hands clutched the bedding as she watched the long flutter of Sara's lashes surround her

burning gaze. She inched forward, brushing her plump lips over Sara's pouty pair. She parted them

slowly, intending on teasing her, but Sara seemed anything but patient. She broke the small distance

between them by sinking her teeth into the tender flesh of Tegan's bottom lip and tugging it back. A

sting shot through her lip that made her gasp, but a small nip made her peel her eyes open.

With Tegan's lip trapped between her teeth, Sara was gazing into her eyes with that thrilling

darkness encompassing her normally sweet gaze. Lust was pouring through her pupils, the heat in

her cheeks dark. Her teeth dragged, slowly tugging with a small cock to her head that twisted the full

flesh of Tegan's lip. She released it slowly and let it snap back into place, but her eyes never left

Tegan's. She looked back and forth between each eye as if she were searching for something,

delving deep into the green of her irises.

Tegan sucked her throbbing lip into her mouth, tasting traces of herself as her piercing popped into

her mouth. She stared back at Sara, chest rising and falling in a rush of breath. Her sweating fists

clung to the sheets as her clit begged for cold fingers and her core jerked at emptiness for pumping

fingers.

Sara glanced between her parted lips – shining and swollen, to her eyes – glazed and desperate. A

small smile curled at the edge of her lips. Her hand cupped Tegan's jaw, thumb gentle on the hot

flesh of her cheek.

Tegan nuzzled her cheek into the palm of her hand, a returning grin brightening her face as she

released a breathless laugh. Sara's smile widened, and Tegan saw it in her eyes; she was thinking the

same thing. She felt the difference between them and she was enjoying it just as much as Tegan was.

She wanted to fuck and be fucked just as much as Tegan did. It was deep in her stare – smoldering,

craving – as she leaned forward and tugged Tegan to her by cradling both cheeks between her hands.

They didn't need to speak and, ironically, that spoke volumes.

Their heads dove forward in unison, eyes falling shut as desire sparked between them and lips were

captured. The kiss they shared was messy and hard. They were both taking charge as they slammed

open lips together so hard that Tegan could feel the bruises already forming under her skin. It was

not a battle, but a showcase of equal passion. A soft moan was shared between their lips, but it was

lost under wet smacks and Tegan had no idea from whose throat it came as the vibration tickled her

mouth.

Her hands were shaking and her back felt too warm against the headboard, like sitting beside a

blazing fire on a winter night. She could feel the tremble in Sara's fingers and they weaved into her

hair, tugging the strands as her quickened breath smacked Tegan's cheek. Her tongue was hot and

anything but teasing, so assured in her intentions, as she dropped herself a little lower in Tegan's lap

so their hipbones were pressed together and Tegan could feel the burning heat of her core seeping

through her thin panties. It struck straight to her core and she groaned, lifting her hands from the

sheets to find two handfuls of her ass. She slipped beneath the material of Sara's underwear to find

soft, smooth skin and squeezed plump flesh as Sara echoed a soft noise in her mouth.

Her hair was pulled so hard water built in her eyes as sensations shot down her spine. She gasped as

Sara craned her head back with a tug that was aggressive and squeezed through her scalp. Their lips

detached as Sara's hot mouth sucked the skin behind Tegan's ear. She kept a tight hold on Tegan's

hair, her fist of curls keeping her head tipped as teeth stung the skin below her jaw and a tongue

soothed the nips. It melted Tegan to a puddle as her breathing became quiet whimpers that

encouraged Sara to bite harder. Her free hand slipped beneath Tegan's loose t-shirt, her cold touch

rising goose bumps on her torso as it skimmed up her stomach and caught her hard nipple. Her

fingers tugged and twisted, the swipe of her thumb not at all sweet but filled with vigor and

enthusiasm.

The pool between Tegan's thighs became a river as her mouth dropped open and she gasped. Her

body was thrumming to this new touch, her neck throbbing while the stimulation to her nipple made

her hips unintentionally buck and grind. Sara bounced slightly in her lap as the movement at Tegan's

waist grew desperate and the sound of sucking skin filled the air. She squirmed as she was trapped

without alleviating the pressure, her legs unable to spread with Sara settled on her lap. She could

feel the prickle of sweat building where their skin was fused as she peeked her eyes open a fraction

to watch the angle of Sara's jaw move to her vicious sucks at the fluttering of her pulse point. The

baby soft skin of Sara's cheek was blotchy with arousal, staining down her neck nearly as dark as the

marks that were sure to be on Tegan's skin. Her hair was hot and sticking under Tegan's chin, but her

mouth was hotter and her hands so cold.

Squeezing Sara's ass and tugging her hips closer, Tegan's voice was a croaking stranger to her, "Baby,

please."

The plea in her rough voice relaxed the grip on her hair until Sara's palm rested kindly on her aching

head. The skin Sara was sucking was released very slowly and kissed with feather-like gentleness, so

sweet and familiar. Lightly, Sara traced the tip of her nose over the spot she had bitten before raising

her head. Her lips were shining and puffy and her irises thin. She looked over Tegan's face and her

fingers lightly brushed over the tender spot her pulling fist had created in apology, but Tegan shook

her head when she saw the worry tightening her features. The fear that she had crossed the line was

settling around her eyes, but she hadn't even placed one toe over it.

"Sara," She said. Sara's neck shrunk back like a dog waiting to be admonished for trying to do the

right thing. Tegan shook her head again and moved her hands to fist the front of Sara's – or rather,

her own – shirt and tugged her closer. She waited until she had Sara's full attention with their eyes

locked. Her voice was a whisper for only Sara's ears, gravelling in her throat, "I want you to fuck me

so hard that I feel it for the rest of the day."

Sara blinked owlishly. One eyebrow lurched up her forehead as her blush intensified like a ripening

apple. Worries erased, the press of her core against Tegan's lap was wet and fiery as her hands

reached forward and captured the hem of Tegan's shirt. Tegan lifted her hands in the air, aiding her

in throwing the useless barrier to the floor.

Sara kept her eyes on Tegan's as her fingers curled under the waistbands of her underwear and

pajamas. They moved together to shove the material from her body. The cold room touched her

heated flesh and she shivered as pulled her knees to her chest and spread her thighs, biting her lip

when her dripping folds were exposed to the unsatisfying brush of air.

Sara's eyes dropped to the shadowed hue of her skin under the lamp and moon, painting

appreciation for the curve of her breasts and waist and the redness of her arousal dampening the

thick, dark bush. She settled between her open thighs as Tegan rested against the headboard. Sara's

shirt was discarded carelessly, tousling her hair the slightest bit as the black material fell to the floor.

Her perky breasts were heaving as she peeled her damp underwear from her waist.

Tegan raised a brow and smirked when she met Sara's eye, sparking a soft giggle from her girlfriend

as she shuffled closer. Magnetized, their lips met much softer this time. Sara kissed her like she was

sucking her life from her lips. Insistent and needy.

Tegan felt one cold finger trace her slit. The relief was palpable, the mere brush of a finger where

she throbbed the worst making her moan, weaving her hands around the back of Sara's neck. She

spread her legs further apart until her muscles groaned in protest, her knees touching her breasts as

that finger slid up and down slowly. It grazed her clit, so swollen it hurt, and slipped between her

folds. It circled pressure over her entrance and collected her fluid on the tip before she felt it slip

inside, so cold in her heat.

Her head fell back with a gasp, forcing their lips to detach. She willed her eyes to stay open as she

felt Sara slowly pump out of her with that finger until only the tip was left in her clinging walls,

before she was sliding back inside. Tegan bit her piercing, a soft grunt of air forced from her lungs as

her body quietly asked for more. Sara smiled sweetly, hearing her body's plea, as she slipped out and

added a second finger with one smooth movement and additional pressure in her thrust.

"Oh, fuck." Tegan breathed. Sara's smile morphed into a grin that made Tegan uncharacteristically

giggle, her heart squeezed as tightly as her walls clenched around Sara's fingers. She dropped her

cheek against her shoulder, watching Sara watch her lips part to aid her lung's search for oxygen.

Sweat clung to her body as wriggling fingers dove deep inside of her, stopping only at Sara's knuckles,

and then curled up. Sara was quick to find that spot inside of her, making Tegan's hips lurch as she

chocked on a moan deep within her throat. Those fingers circled over that sensitive patch of skin,

tracing around it like they would her clit. "Sara…"

Sara laughed softly, her cheeks so pink and happy. In awe, Tegan watched her eyes shine as she

pumped in and out of her slowly and carefully, dragging her fingers through her walls as she

watched Tegan's reaction to the curl of her fingers. She seemed delighted by the gasps that Tegan

could not control with every push of fingers filling her to the brim. She supposed she should feel

vulnerable or exposed, but she had never felt so comfortable. She didn't feel the need to shy away

or hold back her noises of pleasure as she hugged Sara's fingers and looked into her eyes as those

fingers separated. Making careful scissoring motions, Sara stretched her open before dipping deep

inside of her again to stroke her g-spot.

"Oh, my fucking god." Tegan moaned. She could feel the vein in her neck throbbing next to the bites

Sara had sunk into her skin as heat curled in her stomach. Her legs were shaking as she held the back

of Sara's neck. Sweat was building between her palm and Sara's skin, mixing together until Tegan

could not tell who the source was. Sara's skin was shining with perspiration as hotly as Tegan felt,

their chests rising quickly to the tension between them. Her nipples were standing to attention, her

thighs even fuller than usual as she sat on her feet between Tegan's open thighs; enticing, Tegan's

teeth tingled with the urge to sink into them. The bones of her wrist suddenly looked strong as she

pushed inside of Tegan again and again and again before she tapped that spot in multiple strokes.

Her moans were reduced to high whimpers and her nails were digging into Sara's skin, watching her

with a helpless cry that made Sara's grin tug and widen. Abruptly, a third finger met her two digits,

filling Tegan so fully that her throat squeaked a gasp of surprised pleasure.

Sara bit her bottom lip as her fingers massaged Tegan's walls without moving. She ran the tips of all

three fingers in soothing circles against her upper wall, slowly circling the length of all digits.

"You wish to feel me when I am no longer inside of you, Tegan Rain?" She whispered; a prompting.

Tegan ground her teeth together to keep from screaming her desires, settling on a delirious and

eager nod against her shoulder.

"Please."

Slowly – gently – Sara slipped her fingers out until Tegan could only feel the slightest pressure of her

digits. Her head dipped forward, catching Tegan's lips in a soft kiss. Tegan smiled and curled her

fingers through the hair on the back of Sara's head as she accepted the tender brush of lips, using

her love to keep her lips just as sweet.

Sara slammed her fingers inside of her without warning.

Tegan's jaw dropped and Sara's tongue slipped into her mouth as she hurriedly slipped out of her

and jerked her fingers back in with a wet slap. Sparks shot behind Tegan's eyes as she shouted a

shocked moan. Sara was taking her plea to heart, slamming in and out of her so quickly and roughly

that her hips were forced off the mattress. She untangled her hands from Sara's hair and gripped the

headboard behind her, twisting her fingers between the gaps of the wooden bars for leverage as she

rocked her body to meet Sara's every move. Breasts bouncing and the mattress creaking, her eyes

rolled into the back of her head.

Their lips were settled together, unmoving. To every cry Tegan released into Sara's mouth, she felt

the puff of exertion in response. She could not keep up with the curling and aggressive shoving, but

she could hear the wet sound of Sara's pushing fingers. She could feel the overbearing heat surround

every inch of her flesh as she gripped the bars for dear life. The wood cut into her thin skin as her

spine met them with every exuberant push.

Her head tossed back to hang uselessly above her abused back. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut

and she could hear her pants of breath, so loud in her ears that they were roaring. She wanted to

scream, but she bit her lip to hold back the urge tickling her throat. Her head lulled back and forth as

her hands slipped up the headboard to catch the top, curling her arms above her head; searching for

something to keep her from floating away.

Sara's hand was moving with an expert shove of her roaming fingers and with every slid inside, she

rotated the heel of her palm to squash Tegan's twitching clit before sliding out and ramming back in

even harder. Tegan could feel her walls trying to accommodate this abrupt change of course,

clenching and aching with a dull thud to building nirvana in her body.

As heat curled in her gut and extended further down her legs, her eyes shot open to blindly stare at

the dark ceiling. "Just like that– fuck, don't stop!" She could barely hear herself as her ears growled

with blood. She looked down the slope of her nose – Sara's forehead was glazed with a sheen of

sweat, sticking her fringe to her skin. She met Tegan's eye as she dipped down and caught Tegan's

nipple between her lips.

Tegan's back arched from the headboard with a cry. She could see the bumps of Sara's craning spine,

the planes of her back blue under the moon as she rocked against her and pulled her closer to her

peak. Her mouth was warm as she circled her nipple with her tongue before the top of her head

grew closer as she kissed up her chest. Tegan could feel the heat of her mouth all over her body as

she pressed them damply to her neck and the soft underside of her chin. And then they were inches

apart and Sara was kissing behind her ear and caging her lobe between her teeth.

Tegan could only emit breathy gasps. Her body clenched around Sara's fingers as Sara's lips sparked

down to her aching core, dripping into Sara's palm and dampening her curls until they were stuck to

her mound. She dropped one hand from the headboard to hold the back of Sara's head, keeping her

close to her wild heart as her breath made Tegan's skin grow even sweatier.

"Sara." She whispered between heavy sucks of air, asking a silent question Sara seemed to hear as

she raised her head.

Her eyes were like diamonds and her lips smiling. She brushed her nose against Tegan's very softly,

her breath sweet. She slammed into her, contrasting against her gentle touch at Tegan's face, and

pressed her lips chastely against Tegan's. "Come for me, darling." It was a mere whisper, but the

demand was clear as she curled her fingers up and slammed her palm into Tegan's button.

"Jesus Christ–"

As if Sara had full control of her body, Tegan felt the first hot rush of her orgasm tear through her

like an ocean wave drowning her and tugging her under the current. Her cry was hoarse and husky

as her head tossed back and her toes dug into her feet. One hand drug nails down Sara's back while

the other clung to the bed. She felt herself tightening around Sara's fingers over and over again as

fluid shot from her body in quick spurts around Sara's gentled fingers. The soft touch of Sara's

fingers massaging her walls kept her rolling through pleasure, back suspended into an arch.

It was only the need for air that had her breathing again. She fell back into the headboard with a low

thump. She sucked in a deep breath and licked her drying lips. She gave a soft moan as Sara slowly

slipped out of her, careful to not hurt her until she was empty. She slipped up the length of her

drenched center to roll over her sensitive clit before her touch disappeared.

Tegan opened her heavy eyes, shooting a dopey smile and running a hand over her girlfriend's

heated cheek. "My toes are numb." She admitted, voice raspy. Faint aftershocks of pleasure created

a dull thud in her stretched core while her legs were sparkling with electricity, but her toes were

completely numb to feeling. Sara giggled bashfully as she caught Tegan's lazy lips in a soft kiss. When

they pulled apart, she brushed their noses together. Tegan smiled and gave her another kiss, slowly

sucking her upper lip before parting with a soft smack. Her pointer finger ran down the slope of

Sara's button nose. "Good girl." She praised.

Sara's lip was a prisoner between her teeth and Tegan saw her throat bob to a gulp the moment she

heard it. A shiver wracked her small frame, jerking her breasts as it shot down her back and making

Tegan grin. "Get on your back." She ordered, hoping the husky timbre of her voice intensified her

next words, "I'm going to lick your pussy as a reward for a job well done."

"Lord." Sara breathed. The ruddy state of her cheeks had dipped between her collarbones and

stained her chest as she followed Tegan's orders, obediently resting her back to the mattress, her

head inches from the end of the bed.

Unmoving, Tegan cocked her head to the side. Sara's knees were pressed tightly together, her

stomach sucking in to expose the lines of her ribs with every search of air, breasts rising in their

flattened state. "Spread your legs."

Sara did as she was told, curling her legs at the knees to open them. Tegan's mouth watered at the

thick glaze of arousal dripping to Sara's ass, shining on her inner thighs and coating her lips. Her clit

was engorged and her folds blushed red.

Tegan lifted herself on numb feet to lie on her belly between Sara's legs. She smoothed her hands

down the full skin of Sara's thighs, getting a close-up of the way her touch raised goose bumps over

her trembling legs. She pressed a kiss to below Sara's bellybutton, her skin so soft and warm. She

caught a whiff of Sara's scent in the air as she lifted her head. She held it in her chest for a moment,

and then released it in a rush of desire, "Fuck, you're so wet."

Sara's forearms dropped to hide her face, but Tegan knew it was not from embarrassment. Her chest

was rising and falling like she had sprinted in the thick air on burning legs; she wasn't trying to calm

herself from anticipation and it was sure to be overwhelming as she let herself feel without shoving

it away. Her hands formed fists on her forearms, her piercing nails digging shallow impressions into

her palms.

Tegan watched her straining throat as she kissed a steady line down her lower abdomen. She

wrapped her arms around Sara's thighs as her tongue traced randomized shapes down the skin she

sucked with open lips, drifting down her mound. Her scent grew heavier the closer Tegan got to the

source, making her head spin. She kept her nose open to the tangy smell emitting between Sara's

thighs, her heat begging to be consumed and ravished.

Tegan was a peasant at Sara's feet, eager to please her as she kissed down the short length of her

mound. The tip of her tongue met the beginning of her slit and she brushed past her clit as traced

down her folds, only stopping when she met her entrance. She flattened her tongue and traced back

up that same route, covering every inch of Sara's saturated core with her tongue until she flicked the

tip of her over the hood of her clit.

"Oh!" Sara's back snapped into a bow. Chin pointed heavenward, she stopped hiding her face to

reach down and dig her fingers into Tegan's curls. Her lips were parted in a small 'o' and her brows

high on her forehead as she pushed Tegan further into her pussy until her nose was squashed

against her mound.

With her tongue properly coated in thick and rather sweet fluid, Tegan moaned as her mouth was

flooded. Like Sara, it held no traces of anything bitter or unsavory. It made Tegan's eyes roll into the

back of her head as she swiped Sara's clit back and forth with the tip of her tongue. She listened to

Sara's soft pants and peeked open her eyes to watch the twitch of her lips as she changed her

pattern to long drags up and down the pulsing bud before switching back to side-to-side flicks. Sara's

hips ground into her face as she gasped quietly and whispered tiny whimpers.

Tegan could feel her pooling at her chin, sticking to her skin. Sara's legs were beginning to shake

against her ears and she knew she was not going to last much longer. She tightened her hands

around Sara's thighs and slipped her tongue down to slid as deep into Sara as she could. She used

her hand placement to shove Sara's body back and forth on her licking tongue, squishing her nose

against her pulsing clit as the bed rocked.

Slick heat slammed around her muscle as Sara cried out very softly. Her breasts pressed high into the

air as her hips lurched to the explosions in her veins. Her hands left Tegan's hair to dig the heels of

her palms against her eyes, elbows pointed straight up as her breathing stalled and squealed.

"Oh, god…" She whispered. The plea echoed in Tegan's ears before her name was breathed even

sweeter, "Oh, my– Tegan Rain!" Her legs slammed around Tegan's head as she spasmed and poured

into Tegan's open mouth. She gasped tiny, chocked whimpers as her hips rolled to catch the

sensations of her orgasm, fingers digging into her skull.

Tegan kept up her slow thrusts until Sara fell lax into the bed, panting softly for breath. She was

released from her headlock and she slipped out of Sara's clinging entrance gently, licking her lips to

catch the dribbling fluid she swallowed with a satisfied grin. Sara flushed in response, brushing her

hair from her eyes with a calming intake of breath. She had left tiny red impression next to her eyes

from her digging fingers, decorating her skin with what Tegan had made her feel.

Her bones still felt weak as she sat up and took a hold of Sara's hand, helping her to the head of the

bed. They moved sluggishly to slip sweaty and spent bodies beneath the sheets. Tegan wrinkled her

nose when she felt the wet spot she had left on the bed and she scooted to Sara's drier side. She

wrapped an arm inked in dark meaning and bright flowers around Sara's waist, resting her head next

to Sara's on the pillow. She crinkled her nose with a smile when their eyes met and kissed her damp

forehead.

She felt Sara's hand find hers under the blanket and locked their fingers together to rest in the short

inches between their sticky skin, rendering their bath useless. They exchanged no new words or

sentiments, but simply peered at each other as they took in the brightness of dark eyes and the curl

of swollen lips until the heaviness in Tegan's eyes won her battle and she let them drift shut. She felt

Sara shift and then warm lips were pressed to the tip of her nose, causing it to wrinkle as she grinned

without opening her eyes.

The last thing she heard before her mind slipped back into lost dreams was Sara's endearing giggle,

brushing over her face as her hand was squeezed.


End file.
